When you see someone not taking good care of their hair

[StellaKatherine]

We talked about different types of hair we see everyday... But today i saw a girl with the hair that made me feel sad...

I was going home on the buss and a girl was seating in front of me. She had a very thick layered dark brown hair ( not natural colour ). Her ponytail was up to her middle back and full of lake. What made me really sad, was her hair condition. All of her hair ends even the short ones were eather white or splitted in half .. The hair looked damaged from the streitening and all the products she was using, you could see it. And the potential of her thick hair was so huge, you could see that it was naturally amazing! Was heart breaking to see someone "hurting" their own hair that way. It realy was :(

[heidi w.]

I see unattractive hair all the time, on men and women. It's not about length even. Today's youth are so influenced to color and straighten their hair, and they just have no idea how they're ruining their hair. Stars have the best in the biz helping them. But, for example, if you ask me, Jennifer Lopez doesn't have great hair. I can see the frizz and the dryness through a television screen.

While it is sad, I say nothing because it's not my hair nor my body, nor my business.

heidi w.

[elbow chic]

usually not... I figure they must like it that way, else they wouldn't do it. :) One woman's "obvious damage" is another's fashion statement. :p

[elbow chic]

But, for example, if you ask me, Jennifer Lopez doesn't have great hair. I can see the frizz and the dryness through a television screen.
yeah, I seldom like the hair I see on TV/movies, either. Artificial/super-processed is the style, but average janes don't have the resources to camoflauge the resulting damage... so I think a lot of times they just choose to live with it.

[StellaKatherine]

I'm afread my sisters doing that as well. Especially the youngest one. She is 16 and has fantastic light golden hair colour naturally and BIG silky curls.. Welll she had those before she started colouring and streightening it... She coloured 2 times her hair black and 2 times she taken the colour to platine white last year! Her hair now short so can't see damage as much. But i say to myself, ok it's teenager age, she will understand later - can't do anything right now as she hates her curls and hair colour.

[PinkyCat]

I wish I could go back in time and show the 12 year old PinkyCat how to make her frizzy poofy black hair beautiful. She wanted that very badly but had no idea how to acheive it - nor anyone to show her, nor any way to learn. Some people want "beautiful" hair but just have no idea how to get there.

[planetqueenie]

I once had to sit behind this girl in a class who had long hair in a ponytail, it was black(naturally) with all these white splits everywhere. I could tell she straightened it and could literally smell that 'fried' hair scent:( You wish you could tell people something but you would be super rude. There will always be women who feel the pressure to mold their hair into a certain style even if that means killing it

[Amber_Maiden]

I shudder inside when I see some people's hair. Sometimes I get a bit jealous- because they have beautiful straightened/flat ironed hair, but then I see the damage- no thank you.

I'm never going to say anything to them- they like their hair like that. No choice but theres. No one forces them to do it.

Also hate the dying people do... Blonde's especially- WAY fried...

[Grillz]

I can totally sympathize. For a few years my now-16 year old sister was dying her hair black, trying to make it as dark as possible. This past year she has been gradually getting more and more highlights to make her hair lighter and lighter and now it's an awful shade of white blonde at the roots and orangey-brassy-yellow at the bottom. She says her hair is falling out (DUH! :rolleyes:). There's nothing really to say. She's 16 and exprimenting and figuring that kind of stuff out. For now I'll just continue to pretend I find locks of her hair all over to freak her out lol

[heidi w.]

I note that younger and younger kids are coloring their hair which is truly sad. They're starting life out thinking that what they have has something wrong with it. The recent crush of hair straightening. I was in Wisconsin near the University a while back, and it was amazing how all the women looked alike. It was actually disturbing.

Variety is interesting. One's different-ness is part of what makes them unique and well, different from the crowd.

Kids aren't hearing that. They're hearing conform.

heidi w.

[StellaKatherine]

I can totally sympathize. For a few years my now-16 year old sister was dying her hair black, trying to make it as dark as possible. This past year she has been gradually getting more and more highlights to make her hair lighter and lighter and now it's an awful shade of white blonde at the roots and orangey-brassy-yellow at the bottom. She says her hair is falling out (DUH! :rolleyes:). There's nothing really to say. She's 16 and exprimenting and figuring that kind of stuff out. For now I'll just continue to pretend I find locks of her hair all over to freak her out lol

Oh i feel your pain !

[Madora]

I've seen some truly awful long hair wannabes on the 'net and it's enough to curl your toes.

They have the genes to grow waist and longer hair as their photographs indicate..but the hair is in such godawful shape! Splits, broken hairs EVERYWHERE down the strands.

That beautiful hair could be so cringeworthy is sad!

[MissHair]

The only reason I cringe when I see people with bad hair is because my hair used to be like that before I discovered LHC. And I get eager to ''help save their hair'' because I know what a difference they could make! But everyone's different. Some people don't want to care about their hair and that needs to be respected too. Everyone will discover in their own time if or when they want to start caring for the health of their hair.

[StellaKatherine]

I note that younger and younger kids are coloring their hair which is truly sad. They're starting life out thinking that what they have has something wrong with it. The recent crush of hair straightening. I was in Wisconsin near the University a while back, and it was amazing how all the women looked alike. It was actually disturbing.

Variety is interesting. One's different-ness is part of what makes them unique and well, different from the crowd.

Kids aren't hearing that. They're hearing conform.

heidi w.

I think one of the things that makes girls want to colour their hair is the thought on how some particular hair colour is thought to be beautiful. Everyone hear about how blonds are beautiful, brunettes are misterious and redheads have fiery temper. But what about all the other shades in the world ? Why always only those colour are spoken off ? Scandinavian countries are supposed to be famous for natural blond girls... But honestly i see realy rarely natural blond, as the ones that are - would go platine :(

[insomniac-uk]

My neighbours daughter used to have the most beautiful hair, it was waist length with gorgeous dark brown curls. She started to dye and heat style after the age of 16, she is in her early 20s but now her hair is horrible. Its full of splits, it looks burnt she has lost over half the thickness and she cant grow it past her shoulders. But she still wont stop :(

[lunardaydreamer]

I don't feel that I'm really one to talk since I just started becoming "hair aware" as a result of being on here, and my hair is pretty damaged on the ends but:

A friend of mine who is absolutely naturally beautiful, she models and has a BEAUTIFUL face, doesn't take care of her hair. It's not my body or business but she has it bleached and will dye it dark, bleach it, dye it again, bleach it etc. I've styled her for shoots and done her makeup and hair and her poor hair is so dry and crunchy! I always try to take care of it when I style it. I hate judging people but I feel we all do, and I cringed when I saw her straightening it without even combing it out, I could feel the little hairs frying haha.

But mostly I try not to judge, I just pass along any knowledge I can without being mean.

[white.chocolate]

Where I live, straightening hair and dying hair to lighter tones has become so popular since the past few years. So, seeing unhealthy hair, which was meant to be "pretty", isn't uncommon for me. I agree with what heidi w. says. It's sad more than anything. The pressure from society is really strong and harmful in this sense. (The same can be said for make up requirements for women.)

[Maktub]

In a dreamland in my head, I'd like to garden peoples hair like I would grow herbs. You know, chop the damage out, give them good food, etc. and then watch the beautiful hair grow, keeping it well moisturized, doing some fun treatments, nice updos, trimm the ends every few months... ahhhh.

And the joy to see the transformation from damaged to natural and damage-free. :stirpot: :D

Wouldn't it be easier to take care of hair that is not on our heads if we could control it ? S & D a hair that is in front of you, and that you can easily look at 360 degrees !! And oh the fun of growing and taking care of all those different natural textures !

... Too bad hair is attatched to people LOL But I love gardening just as much, so that's more realist of a hobby :D

In the real world, if people are happy with their hair, I'm happy for them no matter how damaged it is. But it's sad to see UNHAPPY people try so many (bad) products and spend so much money on trying to acheive hair they like... and never being satisfied... only because they don't know how beautiful their natural hair could be with the right haircare.

[Avital88]

In a dreamland in my head, I'd like to garden peoples hair like I would grow herbs. You know, chop the damage out, give them good food, etc. and then watch the beautiful hair grow, keeping it well moisturized, doing some fun treatments, nice updos, trimm the ends every few months... ahhhh.

And the joy to see the transformation from damaged to natural and damage-free. :stirpot: :D

Wouldn't it be easier to take care of hair that is not on our heads if we could control it ? S & D a hair that is in front of you, and that you can easily look at 360 degrees !! And oh the fun of growing and taking care of all those different natural textures !

... Too bad hair is attatched to people LOL But I love gardening just as much, so that's more realist of a hobby :D

In the real world, if people are happy with their hair, I'm happy for them no matter how damaged it is. But it's sad to see UNHAPPY people try so many (bad) products and spend so much money on trying to acheive hair they like... and never being satisfied... only because they don't know how beautiful their natural hair could be with the right haircare.


hahhaha great idea, this would be my dream job..

[pink.sara]

I don't particularly care for these kind of threads to be honest.

The last one got very very preachy and descended into a general bashing of anyone who dared process their hair in any way. Perms got bashed, straightening got bashed, dying got bashed. There was a whole "oneupmanship" and smug superiority expressed that was very unpleasant.

I hope this thread doesn't go that way as what one person chooses to do to with their hair is none of my business

And I know from previous messages I've had on here that some people think it's a "pity" that I choose to dye my hair. But you know what, I like it and that's what matters. If the girl on the bus likes her hair, why should she trim it to fit your idea of pretty?

[molly_grue]

I agree with pink.sara. People can treat their hair however they like. It's none of my business. I try not to judge others.

[PorkChop]

I don't particularly care for these kind of threads to be honest.

The last one got very very preachy and descended into a general bashing of anyone who dared process their hair in any way. Perms got bashed, straightening got bashed, dying got bashed. There was a whole "oneupmanship" and smug superiority expressed that was very unpleasant.

I hope this thread doesn't go that way as what one person chooses to do to with their hair is none of my business

And I know from previous messages I've had on here that some people think it's a "pity" that I choose to dye my hair. But you know what, I like it and that's what matters. If the girl on the bus likes her hair, why should she trim it to fit your idea of pretty?

I agree. Sometimes I really dislike the derogatory tone towards those who colour and especially blondes, I sometimes find it offensive.

[BrightEyes]

Thank you pink.sara for your post. I agree 100%. Why should what others do to their hair bother me at all? They do what makes them happy, just like I do what makes me happy.

I color and highlight and will even heat style occasionally for something special. Yes, my hair is a little damaged. But that is how I enjoy wearing it. Why should that make others pity me or my hair? Meh, sometimes I just don't get the LHC-thinking. It's just hair afterall. Ok, I'm done:D

[WaitingSoLong]

While it is sad, I say nothing because it's not my hair nor my body, nor my business.

I agree, none of my business. I disagree it is sad. If it is what they want and they are happy, who cares? It is JUST hair. If they happened to say something about hating it, blah blah, I would consider tossing a dose of hair-ducation their way.

This conversation has only happened once with a total stranger. With everyone else, it is people I know. Most of the time, though, my advice is unwanted, no matter how gently and helpful I am trying to be like "hey, visit TLHC there is so much good info there" or "there are alternative ways to color your hair that are less damaging if you are intersted". Really, only once was it well received, but it was solicited. The rest usually say something like "I have tried everything" and proceed to tell me how their fried hair is not their fault and there is no way around it and no matter what I say, it won't work FOR THEM because they are some huge exception to humanity or something. Whatever. I can help if you want to listen, if not, go on being unhappy with your fried self. It don't phase me!

Honestly, before TLHC, I was oblivious to hair health and I think the general population is as well. If they are not sad about it, why shyould we be? Ignorance is bliss, as everyone here knows, once you know the truth about hair care and chemicals, etc. you can't ignore it anymore and some of us even find ourselves feeling a bit enslaved by it all. I can't NOT take good care of my hair now. I could try, but I could never knowingly abuse and fry my hair. The education of it all has ruined me a bit on havign fun with my hair.


I note that younger and younger kids are coloring their hair which is truly sad. They're starting life out thinking that what they have has something wrong with it. The recent crush of hair straightening. I was in Wisconsin near the University a while back, and it was amazing how all the women looked alike. It was actually disturbing.

Variety is interesting. One's different-ness is part of what makes them unique and well, different from the crowd.

Kids aren't hearing that. They're hearing conform.

Maybe, maybe not. It may not be conform as much as just trying to strive towards something they like. Isn't that one of our basic, most fundamental motivations in life? WHY they like it is moot. It is, afterall, the very same thing that motivates me to grow my hair longer, healthier and more natural. I like it. I strive towards it. Why is it wrong to like your friend's blonde hair or their straight hair? What is wrong with changing the most changeable feature we have? It's fun.

It is just hair. And yes, teenagers tend to all look alike whilst simultaneously striving to be "unique". It is comical sometimes. I think a lot of it is rebellion. I let my kids do whatever they want to their hair, long, short, shaved, spikes, colors. Oddly, they have never done anything so drastic. My oldest son grew his hair past BSL once and I had to stick up for him (to other adults) and for myself as a mother more than once. My daughter mentioned buying a flat iron the other day and I told her what it does to her hair (her beautiful, thick, shiny ALREADY STRAIGHT blonde hair) and did she still want a flat iron? Yes, mom, she says. So we take her to get one about a week later and guess what...she doesn't want it anymore. Turns out it was a short-lived desire. The two week rule is great for kids, too. I made her wiat 2 weeks before cutting her hair from hip to BSL. She loves it.

The pressure isn't always from peers! Of all my dd's friends, the ones the most "done up" are the one's whose mom's are exactly the same. It is still just striving towards what they like...let's face it, regardless of what they will tell you, most kids admire their parents or want to be like them in some way (even if to have the power or control that appears to come with adulthood), and often unknowingly imitate them (for good or ill). Some of the mom's take their daughter's to the salon as a mom-daughter sort of thing. Highlights, dye, chemical straightening. Again, if they are happy...

Ok well I am soapboxing but as a mom of 3 teenagers, I guess I just don't see anything wrong with it all.

[WaitingSoLong]

I color and highlight and will even heat style occasionally for something special. Yes, my hair is damaged. But that is how I enjoy wearing it. Why should that make others pity me or my hair?

Exactly. Gee a lot of people posted while I was typing up my reply!

[StellaKatherine]

I don't particularly care for these kind of threads to be honest.

The last one got very very preachy and descended into a general bashing of anyone who dared process their hair in any way. Perms got bashed, straightening got bashed, dying got bashed. There was a whole "oneupmanship" and smug superiority expressed that was very unpleasant.

I hope this thread doesn't go that way as what one person chooses to do to with their hair is none of my business

And I know from previous messages I've had on here that some people think it's a "pity" that I choose to dye my hair. But you know what, I like it and that's what matters. If the girl on the bus likes her hair, why should she trim it to fit your idea of pretty?

Oh i really didn't mean it that way! I'm still new to this community so i have no idea what other posts were like. I am not againts the hair colouring especially if otherwise hair taken good care off, and i didn't say that she must trim her hair, it is her choise. I just told how i felt at that moment , yes maybe the feeling was wrong and some people may think there is something with my own hair as well. My sister is colouring a lot and i would never say to her to do anything, it is her hair she can decide.

I'm really sorry if i somehow offended you, i didn't ment too. Damn.. i feel now really bad :(

[jeanniet]

How people wear their hair is a pretty personal thing. While I don't want my hair heat styled or permed or whatever, I know there's plenty of people out there who do, and wouldn't care for my hair at all. So I try to live and let live on the hair front. :D

[spidermom]

I noted things like that a lot when I was new, but now I don't really see anybody else's hair unless there's something particularly noteworthy about it.

I used to try to give my DD tips about her hair, but I've come to understand that she considers her hair a fashion accessory and really enjoys coloring and bleaching and curling and straightening. Nothing wrong with that!

[jacqueline101]

People care more about fashion instead of the health.

[Tota]

Reading this post I realized that I never notice strangers' hair unless I like something about it (the cut, the style, the length, the colour, whatever). Ugly/damaged/split/frizzy/whatever hair is invisible to me. The only time I noticed that some lady at a store had extremely "unatractive" hair was when she confronted me about MY hair - she said my colour is boring and lifeless and that I should change it. THEN I looked at her hair to instinctively compare our hair.

I sometimes look at my friends's hair but I never comment unless they initiate the "hair conversation". If hair is pretty, I compliment it, otherwise I don't even notice. I prefer to use all the hair energy on my own hair and not bug others with it.

[spidermom]

StellaKatherine, please don't feel bad. We all have our opinions, and you have every right to talk about hair and how you feel about it here, just as we all do.

[Siiri]

I do notice if someone has very damaged/healthy/ugly/beautiful hair, but I don't spend time thinking about it or pitying/envying anyone's hair. It's not really my business anyway what people choose to do to their hair. On other threads I keep reading comments that "everyone is different". It should apply here too.

ETA: OP, I don't think noticing that sort of thing is wrong, most people do it without thinking. If you had gone and said to the girl her hair was ugly etc., that would be wrong.

[elbow chic]

yeah, WaitingSoLong makes good points.

And, you know, my hair looked, imo, pretty dang bad as a teenager. Family had neither money nore inclination for me to be running around processing it, so it was "natural"... but not in the good, glowing, radiant way we associate with the word. I didn't own a blow dryer or a curling iron, and it never saw dye or perms.

I also hardly ever used conditioner, seldom got trims, wore it down 24/7, ripped a plastic-bristle brush thru (wet!) 2c waves, and let fine-textured, fragile blond hair bleach out under the sun half the year...

so yeah, it was all natural, (or plain old neglected) but it was not very pretty most of the time, either. :p My mom's was much the same, too... neither of us knew any better.

That said, I do respect the damage-purist's views, too. It really can make a huge difference in how someone's hair looks. It's an aesthetic judgment, not a moral one.

[StellaKatherine]

StellaKatherine, please don't feel bad. We all have our opinions, and you have every right to talk about hair and how you feel about it here, just as we all do.

Thank you for your kind words, means a lot to me! I somehow manage to put myself in situations where someone can feel hurted even when not intentionally, and that is something i hate the most - to hurt someone.

In real life i am very carefull what i say and where i tell my oppinions on something.. I guess i felt myself so comfortable with you all, that i felt like i could tell what i thought. Shouldn't have forgotten that here are real people as well with different thoughts and goals and such.

[pepperminttea]

People care more about fashion instead of the health.

But if you're not growing your hair longer, the health of the hair doesn't matter so much. You can do pretty much anything to a pixie cut, and it will have grown out in the space of months; so why not bleach it, heat-style it, spike it up with hairspray, and dye it in rainbow colours if that's what makes you happy? :D

[pink.sara]

Oh i really didn't mean it that way! I'm still new to this community so i have no idea what other posts were like. I am not againts the hair colouring especially if otherwise hair taken good care off, and i didn't say that she must trim her hair, it is her choise. I just told how i felt at that moment , yes maybe the feeling was wrong and some people may think there is something with my own hair as well. My sister is colouring a lot and i would never say to her to do anything, it is her hair she can decide.

I'm really sorry if i somehow offended you, i didn't ment too. Damn.. i feel now really bad :(

No need to be sorry. I'm not in any way offended, just voicing my hope this didn't descend into the hair bashing session the last thread like this did!

Equally I wasn't having a go at you personally, your opinion counts as much as anyone else's, and it isn't like you upset anyone by offering unasked for hair care advice!!

Just joining in with my 2cents like :flower:

Eta: Also you can totally have have bleached or crazy coloured hair at longer lengths still in beautiful condition.
Mines past APL now with no damage and heavy dye use, check back in 2 years pepperminttea and catch me at waist ;)

[pepperminttea]

Also you can totally have have bleached or crazy coloured hair at longer lengths still in beautiful condition.
Mines past APL now with no damage and heavy dye use, check back in 2 years pepperminttea and catch me at waist ;)

True, there are some amazing bleached heads of long hair around here, but I'd lay bets it's harder (and I'm lazy :lol: ).

[StellaKatherine]

No need to be sorry. I'm not in any way offended, just voicing my hope this didn't descend into the hair bashing session the last thread like this did!

Equally I wasn't having a go at you personally, your opinion counts as much as anyone else's, and it isn't like you upset anyone by offering unasked for hair care advice!!

Just joining in with my 2cents like :flower:

Eta: Also you can totally have have bleached or crazy coloured hair at longer lengths still in beautiful condition.
Mines past APL now with no damage and heavy dye use, check back in 2 years pepperminttea and catch me at waist ;)

Thanks :heart:

You are totally right there can be healthy looking hair even when coloured. My second sister colours as well, but she doesn't jump as much from colour and blenching and colour as much, and her hair looks shiny ( btw she has black hair and red stripes :) ). I actually like your hair colour on your profile photo it does look shiny and healthy even with colouring, and i promise i don't lie ! I've always been little jealous of people who dare to do some more extrime things.

Sometimes i wonder if as an old granny i would be sad for not experimenting more, like my two sisters are :)

PS: Oh and so that you can say damn hypocritical , i have done blonder stripes in my life before to make my hair dry faster haha And it worked :D

[Hollyfire3]

yeah, I seldom like the hair I see on TV/movies, either. Artificial/super-processed is the style, but average janes don't have the resources to camoflauge the resulting damage... so I think a lot of times they just choose to live with it.


Holly Marie Combs has great hair, shes on TV, sadly though she is the only one i can think of. All to often i am watching a movie and think what did they do to that poor girl's hair?

[PianoPlaye]

I can't say to a lady at work that what I think she's doing to her hair is horrific, but she's proud of how it looks & while she's happy spending that time & money, all I can do is shut up gracefully.

I finally admittted to a colleague that I had hair envy - her's may be grey (fesh - so many colous - white, silver, pewter & beautiful!) but it's thick, waist length & glorious. She was sweetly clear that it's mostly down to not messing with heat or colour, and as sweetly that she feels under pressure to cut it. We cheered each other on our individual paths.

I think that's mostly what we can do - offer tribute & support to beauty & have the grace to stay quiet where people are ploughing down their own daft paths.

[Carolyn]

It's ok to have opinions on other people's hair but it's best to keep them to yourself. I look at other people's hair all the time but it's only a passing glance. And yes I inwardly cringe sometimes. Every once in a while I see some wow long hair but mostly it's pretty ratty by LHC standards. It doesn't make me sad. I realize most people don't care about their hair they way I care about mine. I would be sad if my hair was all split and uneven but I can't make myself care what someone else does or doesn't do. If it's not my hair then it's none of my business. I can't waste my energy being sad about it.

[cfreya]

I hate to think some people may think of my hair this way.. I think this is why I have become obsessed with S&D. I have only just started properly looking after my hair after years of bleaching, heat styling and having it in a bob style and now I am growing it the damage is really showing, but with all the advice on here in the future it will be healthy again

[darkrose]

To be honest, if their hairstyle makes a person feel good about themselves then it's fine. Bleached blondes, perms straightening etc if it gives a person more confidence that's great. When I see hair that's really damaged I get worried for them, but I think ( correct me if I'm wrong) that much of hair damage can be removed with a few inches cut. Therefore, if people after dying hair, or using heat they can start over. However, I find it sad that some people straighten their hair just to fit in, who cares if your hair is curly or straight?

[cremenoir]

I used to be a reaaaally severe hair abuser--I'm not completely free of bad habits yet (still flat iron my ends occasionally) but a year ago I gave up the bleach/color and little by little my hair is recovering. Anyway, people tried to tell me for YEARS to just let my hair grow out natural and quit messing with it but recently I was always too impatient to listen.

I think that a lot of the reason so many women, especially young girls abuse their hair is lack of knowledge. Many hair stylists act like it's no big deal to make these huge changes (I know because I used to be one!) because unfortunately the salon industry has to make their money that way. Also there is a serious lack of appreciation for natural beauty among young people, and everyone seems to want whatever they can't have. My young cousin has GORGEOUS natural blonde curly hair that she now dyes chocolate brown and flat irons every day. It makes me sad! I wish she could see how beautiful it was in its natural state.

I wish I had the nerve to try to talk people into letting their hair go natural, but I'm always afraid of hurting someone's feelings.

[BlazingHeart]

I was surprised and happy the last time I saw my little sister, because she finally wasn't doing all kinds of things to her hair. She's got lovely red hair, and she hated the color so much for so many years, and she flat-ironed mercilessly. The last time I saw her, her hair was her natural color, longer than I can ever remember seeing it, and she was wearing it in simple braids rather than straightening it.

[dwell_in_safety]

Damaged hair is common, but most people do not have access to good hair care due to ignorance, and some of those who do really don't care because to them, enjoying their hair means damaging it in some way and that is OK, because it's what they like.

Where I am nearly all older women have shoulder-length or shorter hair, and even at that short length it is fried from being colored so much. It tends to fly away, have no shine, and look crunchy in general regardless of natural texture. That saddens me, but some damage I notice I know that the bearer either doesn't truly mind, or would be offended by it if I brought it up.

When friends make comments about wanting nicer hair, I do give some gentle pointers, and it does still make me cringe when my roommate rips a brush through her hair, but that's about the extent of external shows of sadness. :p

All that said, natural hair, even if abused with brushes and elastics, still always looks like it's in better condition than hair that is regularly dyed and fried, to me.

[Diamond.Eyes]

Hmmm, I really don't care what condition a strangers hair is in unless they ask for my opinion. I never get "disgusted" with damaged hair; what a rude thing to say :rolleyes:. I just figure that people with damaged hair just don't know about proper hair care. It isn't nice to judge people you don't know.

[redwoman]

Sometimes I can't help but see the extreme damage and I think to myself that "a half inch here, toss the flat iron there..." But I NEVER say anything because it would be very hurtful to say that "your hair is full of splits and really dried out, try some oil or smt's" so I just say nothing and say a silent prayer to the hair God that somehow they will learn to make their hair fabulous and nobodys feelings are hurt.

[HylianGirl]

Interesting thread...


It is true that many young people feel bad about the way their hair looks because of social pressure, I think it's ok for you to change your looks if that is what makes you feel good, but changing it into what is consideraded "socially acceptable" just for the sake of it is not good.

When I was younger people made me feel bad about my curls and volume, I specially dislike people that call very curly hair as "bad hair" and straight hair as "good hair". That is a socially made concept.

As I said before I believe everyone should have freedom to do whatever thwy want to their hair as long as the change comes from the person. Like heidi w. said, I have also noticed that nowadys, it seems like everyone uses the same hairstyle, that looks a little boring (you know the brown straigh hair with sideswept bangs), and many styles considered beautiful by today's standards can only be achieved artificially, wich kinda gives people the message that you can't look good on your own.

However I also think it perfecly ok for someone to dye their hair often and change it's texture whenever they want, to be honest, I kinda envy that on some people, my hair is very weak when it comes to chemicals and dyes, so it never looks good with those, but I do know people with processed hair that looks good, because they make sure to take extra care to compensate for the damage thay are causing.

[HylianGirl]

I'm not sure if I said what I wanted to say =P I meant that natural hair is beautiful and really underrated nowadays, both in colour and texture, while people seem to generally consider artificial looking hair good, to the point of not realising that processed hair is not natural... that's why it is kinda shoking to some people to see others with 100% natural hair...

[ghilliegirl_an]

The only time I feel bad for people with damaged hair is when they do hate it and want to change it but don't know how to go about fixing it the right way. I enjoy different colors of hair both natural and unnatural, I think dying hair can increase diversity as well, for example no one would have purple or pink or even rainbow hair if hair dye didn't exist. It's about self expression just as much as it is about conventional beauty.

[hisprincess]

The only time I feel bad for people with damaged hair is when they do hate it and want to change it but don't know how to go about fixing it the right way.

Agreed, especially because I grew up as one of those people. Also I work with girls who are always talking about how much they hate their hair and wish it was like X,Y, or Z. Some of their mothers put extremely harsh chemicals in their hair-- I mean kids as young as 5! It seems unfair that they're sustaining so much damage before they're old enough to decide if it's worth it.

[highlightedmess]

I would be interested to see some before and after pictures of hair damage. I think I fall pretty squarely into the boat of people who don't really know how to recognize hair damage. I grew up with my father and I never really learned how to take care of or style my hair. I know my hair is damaged from bleach and bad detangling/brushing habits. I didn't heat dry or straighten or anything though.

I think my hair looks ratty and stringy at the ends but if I look at the individual hairs they don't split off in a bunch of directions.

So I'm still not really 100% clear on how to even identify all the issues.

[maborosi]

I can tell pretty easily when I see damaged hair. But I really don't do or say anything because it's not my business unless they come up to me and ask me for help, which has never happened, and y'know, it probably never will. I've had horrible damage before when I was at a bad time in my life, so I always try really hard not to judge people for their hair's condition. :flower:

However, I do have one friend, whose hair is about tailbone length, and she straightens it all. the. time. And while it's pretty, it makes me sad because she has just beautiful hair that would be even more beautiful if she'd refrain from straightening it everyday, but at the end of the day, it's her hair, and her style- how she wears it is her business and not mine. :)

~maborosi~

[ranaenelcomal]

My boyfriend has about shoulder length hair and he's so rough with it! When he gets out of the shower, he rubs the towel so hard on it it's painful to watch. But his hair is so soft! And I, who gently untangle, condition, and blot my hair dry, have very frizzy hair. It's genetics.

[StellaKatherine]

I honestly never actually think of peoples hair been damaged or not, usually i would only notice if someone had extrimely beautiful or just interesting cut/hair do. And wouldn't borther what that or this teenager is doing to own hair - indeed it is their own choice not my. Hehe my original post could have made me look like a hair police - i'm not. Hopefully i'm not digging my own grave more and more :D

It just i saw something that i never in my life seen before. Usually to see real damage of the hair, you must look very close to the ends, but this time i didn't need to be close at all. When i saw the girl, i thought first that she had snow flakes all over her head, it kept taking my attention as it didn't melt down, all the "snow flakes" were splits, deep brown colour and white sparkle ends even in a few inch long ones. But indeed that is not my business at all. Yes i felt sad then, but i don't think i judged her by her decision... Oh and i defenantly didn't talk to her about it or give her my oppinion , i'm not that rude !

[jtsck]

I don't judge people but since I started reading on here and taking better care of my hair, I am a lot more aware of people's hair around me. I usually start with noticing the length and then looking to see if they look like they work for it or it just happens! Last time I grew my hair out, I didn't do anything to help it so I can't judge anyone.

[gossamer]

But if you're not growing your hair longer, the health of the hair doesn't matter so much. You can do pretty much anything to a pixie cut, and it will have grown out in the space of months; so why not bleach it, heat-style it, spike it up with hairspray, and dye it in rainbow colours if that's what makes you happy? :D

Exactly what I was thinking today after I saw someone race past me, hair flying everywhere around them - my first thought was "oh no, the damage!" but, you know, that's just something that matters to me. If you're not trying to go for long hair, then why worry so much about things like that? :)

[rena]

I agree that a person's hair is their own buisness. Besides, the condition of someone's hair has nothing to do with what they have to offer as a person. But I also think we are allowed to have our opinions. If I don't like the damage I see on someone else's hair than I don't like it. Its not like I'm walking up to said person and saying "Hey, you should really stop dying/heatstyling your hair because its burnt to a crisp and can't take the punishment,"

I'm not gaging their worth as a human either.

And if I want to say how much I prefer undamaged, unprocessed hair to damaged hair I'll say that too. Not putting down the person who's processing their hair, just expressing how much I like to see hair that has not undergone anything like that.

Their are threads for all kinds of hair on this site. Blondes, Brunettes, Blonettes, Straights, Waves, Curls, etc, etc and in those threads people get to talk about and celebrate all the things they like about that particular aspect of their hair above others' hair, even though we know the hair of those others' is just as beautiful.

So if I want to say how much I don't like the idea of hair getting dyed'n fried, I'll say it, just not to that person or people. Just like how I don't like the idea of skin bleaching or plastic surgery just to look "prettier". I'll express my OPINION to others and around others who understand what I mean, such as in a thread like this, started by someone with a likewise preference in common with my own.

[owlathena]

Yeah, a person's hair is their business, but we still have opinions and I think its ok to share them as long as nobody gets hurt in the process (like talking about how you felt about some random anon person on the street).

There's a guy in one of my classes with classic length hair. One of these days I'll work up the nerve to compliment him on it. Sometimes he'll take it down, give it a shake, and put it up in a pony or bun and I'm just O.O ! I'm sure he takes ok care of it; it looks like its in good condition...but it's really frizzy. I so badly want to say "You should try an ACV rinse."

[mz_butterfly]

I figure everyone has a right to treat their hair as they wish, it is not my business to notate otherwise. I have a choice, they have a choice, I will give them the courtesy to do what they want and not be bothered by me about it. I never concern myself with the condition of any one elses hair.

[roxee]

I hate to admit it but up until last summer i was awful to my hair, it looked thick but when I looked close pretty much every single hair was split and the hair near the nape of my neck was frizzy and matted. I now shudder thinking about how I would brush it harshly and always hear snapping.
After cutting 7 inches off I started to use oils and my hair and deep condition and now comb gently with a wide tooth comb, also now wash hair every other day and use hairdryer on cool setting when my hairs 80 percent dry (use to use on full heat when my hair was about 30 percent dry).
My hair is now almost bsl and sooo soft and thick to the ends yay.
Now I just can't wait to get to mbl

[Helix]

Normally, I keep my opinions to myself unless I'm asked for advice. Sometimes the person is already aware that their hair isn't in the best shape and having me or some other person point out something that they're already sensitive about just makes them feel worse, (I've experienced this when I used to have really bad acne and folk's were always trying to offer me unwarranted advice or surprising me with gifts like acne removal kits :rolleyes:. Most of which I'd tried already).

However, I sometimes make an exception if the person is constantly complaining about their hair to me. I had a co-worker whose hair was breaking off due to poor relaxing techniques and I really wanted to help her b/c she was such a sweetheart but I didn't attempt to until she started making derogatory remarks about her hair (I can't even repeat what she said). I ended up forwarding her an email with a list of my favorite relaxed/natural hair gurus tutorials but I phrased the email in a way that made it seem like the email wasn't really intended for her, (I forwarded it to a few other addresses), it was sandwiched between other YT vids that had nothing to do with hair as well.

I'd like to think she must have watched some of them because over the next several months I noticed she stopped using glue in tracks and protective styling. Her hair really made a huge turnaround. When she started working with us her hair was a broken neck length and by the end of the year it had thickened up and was a little past her shoulders.

That is the only time I've ever given someone IRL hair advice w/o being asked and I only did it because I considered her a friend.

[MaryMarx]

The hardest thing is when it is a friend of yours, or a family member. My sister kind of abuses her hair... I just wanna tell her NO! STOP, PLEASE! But I don't want to hurt her feelings.
And she won't listen to my oiling-no-heat-no-nothing-talk anyway.

So I will just let my hair recover for a few years and then everyone will see its LHC-condition and ask me what I've done. :D

[MaryMarx]

Normally, I keep my opinions to myself unless I'm asked for advice. Sometimes the person is already aware that their hair isn't in the best shape and having me or some other person point out something that they're already sensitive about just makes them feel worse...

Exactly! Sometimes I think about what people are thinking of my hair, I know its not in its best state but I'm working on it! And that could be the case for that girl on the bus with split ends everywhere too... :)

[StellaKatherine]

Sometimes it is hard for me, when my own sister tells me how she hates her natural hair colour and curls, and how she hates that her hair is lifeless because of constant ironing ( every day, sometimes 2 times a day to make sure it is realy straight) and then coloring and blenching and coloring again. She cried to me the other day how her hair is dry. I've tried to tell her to at least keep one colour for a while and not blench it and colour again, that even that thing would allready help her hair a LOT ( looks like she decided to keep black one at least for a little longer). But she wants to look different so i don't know what will come next.

I love her so much, that i will get her the products she tells me that supposed to help her hair when straightening it, so it doesn't burn. I will go buy her better shampoos from the hairdresser and will never tell her to stop doing something, as if she feels beautiful with ironed hair - oh well be it then i will just help her as much as i can with what she has. Btw, no way she will use any oils if they are not in a fancy bottle from a fancy store haha

[kidari]

When I see really damaged hair it just reminds me how I used to be with my hair. I hated my natural texture, natural color, etc. That coupled with my complete lack of knowledge about better hair care in general along with my addiction to chemical dyes and bleach and processing and hairspray and heat styling... it was a miracle it didn't all break off actually. I just assume it's from a lack of knowledge and I know it's a waste of time to say anything without offending anyone so I don't say anything. Sometimes you just experiment with your own hair on your own free will and you hopefully come around and learn to appreciate your natural hair and preserve it's health from the beginning. Some people like having their hair a certain way and not everyone is going to agree it looks nice. As long as they are happy with their hair it doesn't matter to me at the end of the day. It's no different than someone telling a person with gorgeous long healthy one length hair something like, "It's too long. It would look so much better layered and 6 inches shorter." Even if they told you you would look "prettier" with shorter hair it's not like you're gong to listen to them and do it, right? Also, it would be very offensive.

[Sheryl]

I work with a woman with shoulder length hair that is just breaking off everywhere. She colours and straightens it and washes it every day. I've tried to tell her that her hair would be in much better condition if she would just quit washing it everyday. She has naturally very curly hair and hates it, so she washes it everyday, blows it dry to make it straight.

She's 50 and hates her natural hair, so what can I say. I've tried to tell her that curly hair is beautiful. She has told me that she loves my long hair and all the things that can be done with it and wants to grow her's long, but she's not willing to leave it natural to do so. I told her that she could have long and beautiful hair, but she would have to quit washing it every day and putting chemicals and heat on it all the time or it would just be split and damaged.

She just puts it up in a rats nest of a bun every day because it is in such bad shape. I just don't discuss it with her anymore. She knows what she has to do to get long healthy hair. She's just not willing to go there. I figure she'll get tired of the short, damaged hair and eventually do something about it when she gets to the point that she just can't stand it anymore. But for now, there's not much more I can do. Like I said, she's 50 yrs old, so she knows how to get there.

It's frustrating a little for me to watch but I'm tired of trying to talk her into leaving it alone and going natural.

My own hair has damaged ends from years of colouring. I can make it look pretty good, anyway, with stuff and sponge rollers and I wear it up or braided a lot. I trim 1/2" of the damaged ends about every three months now. When it gets long enough (what's long enough?) I will start trimming it more. I'd like to get all the previously chemically treated ends off eventually.

[HylianGirl]

I hate to admit it but up until last summer i was awful to my hair, it looked thick but when I looked close pretty much every single hair was split and the hair near the nape of my neck was frizzy and matted. I now shudder thinking about how I would brush it harshly and always hear snapping.
After cutting 7 inches off I started to use oils and my hair and deep condition and now comb gently with a wide tooth comb, also now wash hair every other day and use hairdryer on cool setting when my hairs 80 percent dry (use to use on full heat when my hair was about 30 percent dry).
My hair is now almost bsl and sooo soft and thick to the ends yay.
Now I just can't wait to get to mbl


Been there, done that.. I used to wash my waist length hais everyday using 2x more shampoo than conditioner and proceed to blowfry it straight (also everyday)... I did use lots of heat protector though, but nowaday that makes me cringe... than again that damage is the reason why I cut my hair shoulder length... And now I'm growin it the right way, and god bless coconut oil xD

StellaKatherine, don't worry, you didn't offend anyone (at least didn't offend me xD), and I think this is a great thread ^-^ I also have a youger sister who abuses her hair, she dyes it, chemichally straightens it and iron her roots as her har grows on it's natural texture, but then again, that's the way she likes her hair, she doesn't feel good with her waves and tries to cause the least damage possible during her hair tratments (she searches for formol-free chemical straightening, bleach-free dyes etc) I suggested her to use camomila tea to lighten her hair, but she doesn't like it because the effect is not as strong as a dye. She does the best she can to make her hair the way she wants ^-^

[MonaMayfair]

Personally I don't give a damn what other people do with their hair. Actually the only two people I've seen in the last year who had hair so damaged- looking even I noticed it, both had tail bone length hair, not dyed but very unkempt looking.
It has to look really skanky for me to notice!

I don't know about people dyeing their hair to conform - I would think most of them do it because they like the way they look with a different color and because it's FUN to change your hair.
Lots of members here dye their hair, some (like myself) with plant dyes, but lots with chemical dyes too.
If I HAD to make a choice, I'd take getting a color I liked over getting perfect condition any day!

Also (on the subject of most "celebrities" not having nice hair) there are several actresses whose hair I LOVE - and ALL of them have dyed hair...

[Bianca]

I think one of the things that makes girls want to colour their hair is the thought on how some particular hair colour is thought to be beautiful. Everyone hear about how blonds are beautiful, brunettes are misterious and redheads have fiery temper. But what about all the other shades in the world ? Why always only those colour are spoken off ? Scandinavian countries are supposed to be famous for natural blond girls... But honestly i see realy rarely natural blond, as the ones that are - would go platine :(

Dont know where ur from ?! But in Denmark, i'm actually seeing many with their natural darker/golden blonde color these days (myself included offcourse, have a semi in right now though, slowly washing out).

Still plenty of bleach blondes and fake redheads, but thats their choice. They dont know what their missing, they see the roots come in, and think, yuck, greyish blonde, not pretty, not knowing what a beautiful color it turns into with lenght and when not compared to dyed hair :p

Why they would want yellowish blonde hair instead, is still a mystery to me though. But hey, they probably wonder, why I wish to keep my "dirty" blonde color too ;)

[herdaughter77]

It really does make me sad when I see someone with hair that has potential (as absolutely everyone's hair does) but is being treated poorly.
Even a friend of mine that I look up to as a role model has hair that.......well, let's just say, straightened, dyed, stringy, and styled in a way that doesn't really fit her, imho.
I wouldn't say anything about it to her, but I would love to see her natural hair color and (no bangs, plz) her hair slightly wavy as it is naturally.
The best I can do is keep mine the way I like. :)

Also, I recently found out that Taylor Swift's natural hair color and wave is this:
http://www.taylorswift.com/media/photos/17193/426333

Up until recently, she kept it natural and quite beautiful. Now it's straightened. :P