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Áine
February 12th, 2012, 10:46 PM
I think I've struggled with this off and on throughout my life, but joining LHC filled me with a hope. In past couple years years, I was really dejected about it, seeing all these lovely heads of hair here and doing everything I could to try to match that. And then never being able to, despite my desperate efforts.

It's not in my genetics, I guess. My hair grows alright and keeps a decent thickness until it gets to somewhere between MBL and waist, and then it tapers severely to the point it looks almost haggard when I wear it down. With my coarse thick hair, this is glaringly obvious, and can't be hidden very well. I used to wear it at about 40" for awhile before DH convinced me that all the extra mouse ends had to go. So I cut it off to BSL last year.

I've neglected to cut it back to BSL again, partly out of delusion that I can wear it a little longer, and partly out of the sadness I have every time I hold a pair of shears. I keep having to tell myself that "Princess Hair" is only an unattainable dream. I've mostly accepted my limitations, but every so often I catch myself dreaming of something more that can never be.

Has anyone else had issues coming to terms with their natural limitations?

Vanille_
February 12th, 2012, 10:54 PM
What I've come to realize is that I will never have 1a hair. No matter how much I want it. But you know what? That's okay. Because some 1a's would rather have waves and curls! I have never liked my waves, but that's what I got. My point being, there is most likely someone else who would prefer what you have. A lot of times, we just want what we don't have. It doesn't really mean it's the only thing worth having.

I'm kind of rambling. Just saying: Love what you got. Rock it.

Áine
February 12th, 2012, 11:06 PM
I understand what you're saying Vanille, and I agree with everything you've said.

The difference with hair textures and length though is, you can mechanically change the texture, if only for a little bit for a short while, but you can't force more of something that just isn't meant to be there in the first place.

I tried to make my hair grow "faster" with Monistat (anybody remember that old thread on LHC's previous board?) and it did grow faster, but it was only a faster arrival to the inevitable destination... severely tapered ends. I thought I could cheat it by growing more of it in a set time period, but in my case, it turned out to be a total waste of my time.

jesis
February 12th, 2012, 11:17 PM
I totally understand. I see so many people on LHC who have the same length hair as me, but they are at waist or MBL and it looks so much longer than mine on them. Not to mention that some people have told me that my length is how far down my back my hair goes, not how long the actual hair is. My theory is is that if they get to measure straight, then so should I!

It's disheartening, especially when I look back and the last year and a half and realize that my hair has only grown around 7", even though I've given up my flat iron and worn my hair curly, taken great care of it, and given up a lot of my favorite hair products, and sometimes to my dismay. I just don't feel as pretty as I used to. And all so I can look around at everyone else and think "why does my hair grow only half as fast as theirs?" I'm starting to wonder if it's even worth it.

But I'll shoulder on and hope that someday I'll just hit my ONE goal.

Bill D.
February 12th, 2012, 11:19 PM
My only hopes are a true baldness cure plus something that will make scalp hair grow faster or stay on the head longer. These may yet happen in my lifetime.

Bill D.

PurplePenguin
February 12th, 2012, 11:29 PM
I think I've struggled with this off and on throughout my life, but joining LHC filled me with a hope. In past couple years years, I was really dejected about it, seeing all these lovely heads of hair here and doing everything I could to try to match that. And then never being able to, despite my desperate efforts.

It's not in my genetics, I guess. My hair grows alright and keeps a decent thickness until it gets to somewhere between MBL and waist, and then it tapers severely to the point it looks almost haggard when I wear it down. With my coarse thick hair, this is glaringly obvious, and can't be hidden very well. I used to wear it at about 40" for awhile before DH convinced me that all the extra mouse ends had to go. So I cut it off to BSL last year.

I've neglected to cut it back to BSL again, partly out of delusion that I can wear it a little longer, and partly out of the sadness I have every time I hold a pair of shears. I keep having to tell myself that "Princess Hair" is only an unattainable dream. I've mostly accepted my limitations, but every so often I catch myself dreaming of something more that can never be.

Has anyone else had issues coming to terms with their natural limitations?

Aine, I love your hair, it is so lovely.

I too understand how it feels to not be able to obtain your dream hair. When I was a child I didn't cut my hair, just dusted it monthly, for 12 years. My hair never grew more than a couple of inches past my shoulders and what did get past my shoulder was thin and grew into a point. (I now realise that this is normal but when I was a child I had so many friends with very long hair that was thick and had a great hem line) So eventually I started to cut my hair very short (at one point I wore my hair shaved but kept my fringe) and dye it. Now that I found LHC I am going to try once again to grow my hair and treat it nicely.

Seeshami
February 12th, 2012, 11:43 PM
I wanted red and curly and thinner and everything the naughty mess will never be. I think eventually you just have to learn to love what you have. Right now I am happier and prouder and love my hair more then I ever have in my life. Because it's mine and it may still be a little stained with henna and it is straighter then a ruler, doesn't ever do what I want it to and I may call it an evil monster but IT'S MINE.

I had short hair because I thought it was what my friends liked, I've had long hair because it was what's expected of me, never before was it my idea . Right now the mess is what ever I feel it should be and that is wonderful.

Grow your wispy ends if it's what makes you happy and what makes you like your hair and naysayers BE DAMNED. Keep dreaming love because no one can ever or should ever take away your dreams! I love your wispies! And every one else's wispies too!

:grouphug:

rstuart1
February 13th, 2012, 12:06 AM
I have also had the same problem and had to come to terms with it!

karli
February 13th, 2012, 01:06 AM
Slightly disappointed, yes.. For the last 2 years my hair has been hoovering between waist and slightly passed hip.. The taper starts before waist, and passed hip it's really obvious.. I haven't given up quite yet, thinking of growing to tailbone and maintain, but I suspect it wont look good enough in my eyes..

Still, I'm rather pleased :) My hair is very light, the bun I make in the morning holds all day, esp with a 4-prong.. It doesn't tangle, even when worn lose (I do prefer it up though) and it's really soft.. I've found a routin that works without any hassle..

Katleen
February 13th, 2012, 01:16 AM
Aine, your hair looks like princess hair to me!!! It is soooo lovely! You have no idea what I would do to have hair like that, enjoy it!

Buffy
February 13th, 2012, 01:51 AM
Even though this is a hair forum and we are "allowed" to be over-sensitive about hair, i still think you are exaggerating and you are taking what you have for granted.
First of all, it's not like you are stuck at chin length!! BSL is still LONG!! Especially in the outside world hahahah!
And secondly from your picture your hair seems amazing to me!! And because it's so voluminous , full and thick it actually looks longer than it is! Your hair IS princess hair in my eyes! Seriously!!!

Toadstool
February 13th, 2012, 02:18 AM
Aine, I understand your hair does not fit your dream hair and that hurts. But I do think your taper looks beautiful, and wonder if you need to cut it back to BSL? i mean could you learn to love a tapered hemline?

Syrena
February 13th, 2012, 03:18 AM
I am pampering my hair for more than 2 years. My hair managed to grow form hips to almost classic during this time. BUT, my hair tapers a lot while it grows down. My hair starts to be transparent at waist length. in january I took a picture of my hair and I was horrified. I had really only few strands hanging down there. i know that i still have some damage and I let my hair grow from hips to classic without trims, which could be the reason for the taper.
So far, I cut my hair back to tailbone yesterday. I will stay at this length for a while and trim it monthly. But I am not sure, if it will thicken, I am negative in this matter. I am ready to cut it also back to hips. I want to wear my hair down a little bit in summer and I want to feel good about it. :) even if it means to have shorter hair than I wanted.

Avital88
February 13th, 2012, 03:22 AM
I felt and sometimes still feel like this, and i wonder if you ever tried microtrimming?
It takes a lot of work to have perfect princess hair and a lot of people in the outside world tend to forget this,but i really think you can have lots of improvement with microtrimming and wearing it up for a while. Good luck, and i think your hair looks really good and thick so dont cut it all back!

Chetanlaiho
February 13th, 2012, 03:31 AM
I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that my hair will never be as thick or as voluminous as I want it to be :O

Anlbe
February 13th, 2012, 03:44 AM
Yes, yes, yes, yes ,yes , know exactly what you mean. I have ALWAYS wanted waist length hair and it doesn't seem like it'll ever really happen. My older sister had a book of sleeping beauty and since before I can remember I wanted the real life version to princess Aurora's hair. High waist will do for me, but I don't think it's going to happen.

The LHC has given me healtheir, shinier hair and it is longer than it was, but at the end of the day it grows incredibly slowly (about 3 inches a year at the moment it's getting slower!) and it's brittle so every time I comb a little cloud of snapped ends appears in my lap. At the moment I'm a long BSL and that's great but it isn't what I hoped it would be. So frustrating as most people can easily grow their hair to waist.

Have tried everything. Daktarin, daily S&D, almost every treatment on these boards, george michael salon and products, wore my hair up every day, never use anything but pins and sticks and STILL most years it stays the same length or only adds half a cm net. Last year I added a whole cm! (by singing much to the disapproval of many people) but this year - nope - we're static. It is incredibly frustrating, and also means that sometimes I don't appreciate what I do have hair wise which is actually pretty perfect for me (can stretch washes, v. healthy scalp, nice texture and a slight wave that will straighten or curl with a little nudge). So I try to tell myself to stop being silly and keep on with the routine I've developed over my years here and which is easy and keeps my hair in great condition.

Nonetheless I sometimes actually dream that my hair's magically grown those last three inches....and then I wake up.

Littlewing13
February 13th, 2012, 04:47 AM
Aine, your hair is beautiful! I'd kill for hair that long & thick. Dont feel bad for what you dont have, appreciate what you do have. There are people out there with no hair.

Whats a princess without her fairytale ends?

Milui Elenath
February 13th, 2012, 06:15 AM
What struck me when I first came to LHC was the amount of women (and men) that celebrate each others hair and I find myself agreeing to the old adage that each woman has her own beauty everytime I see a head of hair on LHC! Truly.

Don't give up on your dream. I think hair sometimes takes time to get over stalls - even individual hairs that lag and things in the body do change. Perhaps it's unscientific and others will argue that it never happens but I have seen others who seem to contradict that. Maybe it won't happen for you but why give up on a dream? Reject reality and substitute your own!

Also find other ways to have your princess hair. Styles, updos, hair toys etc that say 'princess' and make you feel good about your hair now. If you don't feel good about it growing then I believe that could have an adverse effect as well. The mind is a powerful thing.

BTW I think your hair is already beautiful and very princess like! In anycase all of you may have a :grouphug:

Cupofmilk
February 13th, 2012, 06:37 AM
I have the most amazing taper. I have got to TB once before and am nearly there now with 0.5 inches of ends. Mine literally fairytale off into nothing. I have got used to it. Not ideal but I don't wear my hair down that often.

jacqueline101
February 13th, 2012, 07:09 AM
Your hair looks alright to me.

Quahatundightu
February 13th, 2012, 07:18 AM
Also recommending the microtrimming! I was disappointed with my hair until I started trimming every month. It's still not perfect, I would like it to be thicker and longer, but it's getting there and I'm very happy! :)

MsBubbles
February 13th, 2012, 07:40 AM
:grouphug: Aine, I'm so sorry you're bummed out about your hair.

Personally, I'd LOVE to have ii/iii medium or coarse structured hair. I will never know what it's like to have (iii) hair, or to have full, thick ends. You are simply comparing your hair now with your hair before.

I'm sorry if your DH felt like he had to say you should cut your 'thin' ends (or however he said it). Dealing with that kind of criticism is a whole other issue. Perhaps he was reacting to you complaining about it and felt like he should agree with you?

1) It's all relative: your hair is not 'thin' or sorry-looking.
2) If your DH criticized your hair out of the blue, that's a separate issue to how YOU feel about your hair.
3) Most other people who see your hair don't have a clue how it 'used' to look, and still see a lovely head of hair on a stunningly beautiful woman.

princesitamaria
February 13th, 2012, 07:59 AM
yes I totally understand, my situation is a lot different tho- but my hair really hasnt been longer then bsl ever- not without a lot of damage- I know I could keep growing it but I just want it to be healthy looking, and to do that I gotta trim it- so now I am just coming to terms that since I am at bsl and between MBL it is def gonna take some time to get rid of the rest of the bleach on the ends. I gave up all heat styling and dont even put gel or mouse in my hair anymore, all I put in it is cone free smoothing creme and jojaba oil with my conditioner. When I look at pics of it from when I was little it was healthy root to tip- now since I trimmed it it looks better but before I joined lhc it was breaking really bad from the bleach so it is half way wat it would normally look like- I would love to have your length. If anything I would just maintain and and eventually it is going to look better and if it doesnt than at least you made it that far and I think it looks beautiful- everyone has different texture hair and I kno I had to come to terms that I have curly corse hair too and not thick thick hair that has a great hemline

woolyleprechaun
February 13th, 2012, 08:10 AM
I think your hair is simply stunning! I think taper is normal and natural. Im a big fan of fairytale ends, so I may steal you as my new hair idol....;)

Amber_Maiden
February 13th, 2012, 08:10 AM
I know what you mean.
I've had to come to terms that even if I have the same length hair as some people, I will never be able to do the buns they can do until my hair is MUCH MUCH longer just because it's thick. :(

Amoretti
February 13th, 2012, 09:37 AM
I know what you mean.
I've had to come to terms that even if I have the same length hair as some people, I will never be able to do the buns they can do until my hair is MUCH MUCH longer just because it's thick. :(

You can't possibly know what Aíne means because you're complaining about your hair being too thick. :confused:

MsBubbles
February 13th, 2012, 09:45 AM
There's not really a whole lot to be done about 'thin' hair to thicken it (but some things do work in isolated situations), but thick hair can be thinned out, surely? At least if you have thick hair and you want more fairy tail ends or to be able to do buns, I'm pretty certain from having survived the 80s that this is possible through layers and hemline shaping. To great effect, in fact. However, for a person with thin or fairytailing ends, they probably won't be able to ever achieve so thick a hemline that they can't do certain buns.

hairyfan21
February 13th, 2012, 10:09 AM
I don't like my hair at all either. It was nice when I was a little. I was born platinum blonde. I had that color up until I started high school around 14 to 15. It was still very blonde when I was in high school, but grad it got darker. By the time I graduated high school, it was a darker blonde.

Today, my hair is dark blonde. In the summer, when I spend all day in the heat and the sun on the beach, my hair lightens back to platinum blonde. The same thing also happens when I go on Christmas vacation to Costa Rica. Also, I'm losing my hair. I'm still very young too. I won't tell anyone my real age as it is today, but suffice to say I'm in college so you have a rough estimate about how old I am. I have a big thin spot on the top of my head, and I know its going to get bigger as I get older. My dad and uncle have the same thing. :(

spidermom
February 13th, 2012, 10:27 AM
Yes! I want my hair to be relatively split end free, but every time I bring the ends to the light, I see lots and lots and lots - more than I could ever hope to S&D away in my life-time. I've had hair about the same length for 3 years now because I keep cutting back, hoping I can achieve such excellent hair care habits that my hair won't split all to pieces at the ends.

Never gonna happen!

spidermom
February 13th, 2012, 10:29 AM
You can't possibly know what Aíne means because you're complaining about your hair being too thick. :confused:

I took it to mean that she knows what it means to have to come to terms with the hair you have instead of the hair you want.

Madora
February 13th, 2012, 10:36 AM
There's not really a whole lot to be done about 'thin' hair to thicken it (but some things do work in isolated situations), but thick hair can be thinned out, surely? At least if you have thick hair and you want more fairy tail ends or to be able to do buns, I'm pretty certain from having survived the 80s that this is possible through layers and hemline shaping. To great effect, in fact. However, for a person with thin or fairytailing ends, they probably won't be able to ever achieve so thick a hemline that they can't do certain buns.

But if you're blessed with thick hair, why not learn how to arrange it differently..i.e. section it for various buns or braids?

Layers can be a pain in the posterior if you're trying updos or braids because the ends pop up everywhere, ruining the overall appearance.

The person with thin hair can achieve the illusion of thicker hair by having a blunt hemline.

ktani
February 13th, 2012, 11:10 AM
But if you're blessed with thick hair, why not learn how to arrange it differently..i.e. section it for various buns or braids?

Layers can be a pain in the posterior if you're trying updos or braids because the ends pop up everywhere, ruining the overall appearance.

The person with thin hair can achieve the illusion of thicker hair by having a blunt hemline.

Re thin hair - and using lighter or less in amount of products to make hair less heavy and look even thinner.

heidi w.
February 13th, 2012, 11:16 AM
This is gonna seem unfair to a few of you, but in reality, I will never have floor length hair or even great-looking ankle length hair.

Midcalf is about it for me and the length it looks its best.

I'm also now 51, and I have lost a bit of volume too, which is normal at this age.

I don't really fret over what won't be. Instead of focus on that I got lucky to have what I've got, and focus on taking care of that as best I can.

I know a number of people who have the ability to have really, really long hair and in the past several years have cut it back because it's a bit of work to take care of that much hair (floorlength is a little bit to take care of).

I recommend having beautiful hair at the length you can have it and do your best to be happy with that.

heidi w.


But if you're blessed with thick hair, why not learn how to arrange it differently..i.e. section it for various buns or braids?

Layers can be a pain in the posterior if you're trying updos or braids because the ends pop up everywhere, ruining the overall appearance.

The person with thin hair can achieve the illusion of thicker hair by having a blunt hemline.

I did that, and in pictures, it appears that I have fairly even volume all the way to the ends. But it's not true. I taper too. Just as everyone else does for the most part. However, it is nice to know that I've done my best to have hair that is in good condition. I know that what's following me looks good when it's down, at least.

heidi w.


I think I've struggled with this off and on throughout my life, but joining LHC filled me with a hope. In past couple years years, I was really dejected about it, seeing all these lovely heads of hair here and doing everything I could to try to match that. And then never being able to, despite my desperate efforts.

It's not in my genetics, I guess. My hair grows alright and keeps a decent thickness until it gets to somewhere between MBL and waist, and then it tapers severely to the point it looks almost haggard when I wear it down. With my coarse thick hair, this is glaringly obvious, and can't be hidden very well. I used to wear it at about 40" for awhile before DH convinced me that all the extra mouse ends had to go. So I cut it off to BSL last year.

I've neglected to cut it back to BSL again, partly out of delusion that I can wear it a little longer, and partly out of the sadness I have every time I hold a pair of shears. I keep having to tell myself that "Princess Hair" is only an unattainable dream. I've mostly accepted my limitations, but every so often I catch myself dreaming of something more that can never be.

Has anyone else had issues coming to terms with their natural limitations?

If your hair is coarse and wavy a little bit, you might consider trying Conditioner Only washing and looking into Curly Girl methods.

The author of this book also promotes low- and no-poo (shampoo) products and advocates for different levels of curliness, different Conditioner Only hair washing. In your case, the CO washing would apply to length only, but a low- or no-sulfate shampoo may be a benefit to you.

I also recommend you find a "hair twin" on LHC, and imitate their hair care methods.

I'd also conduct an evaluation and ensure you're doing all you can such as shampoo technique is good (don't pile hair on head, nor afterwards in a towel wrapping the hair on top of the head--produces tangles), detangling technique is good (such as detangle well in advance of a given hair wash), that you sleep on a slippery fabric pillowcase such as satin, sateen or polyester (not even cotton) [so hair can slide during the night], watching that your hair isn't down on windy days or days when you're mowing or working in the yard, not down while you cook, and that it's generally safe from clothing and its fabrics. I also recommend you evaluate the benefit of oiling your hair, if that may help somehow.

EtA: As for bunning, you may have to divide hair in half to get all that hair up, such as two buns, instead of one large bun. I've had to do that too. END ETA

Hair care is in the little details we pay attention to. It's not one thing that we do or don't do.

I'd also recommend eating well.

heidi w.

Cirafly24
February 13th, 2012, 11:35 AM
I'm still coming to terms with it. I will never have the naturally red, curly, THICK hair of my dreams...but I may eventually have the hennaed, wavy, medium thickness hair of my hopes :D

Ligeia_13
February 13th, 2012, 11:39 AM
I'm pretty sure I'll never get to waist. Really sure actually. Even now that I haven't been dyeing all the time and its up out of the way and it gets its ends oiled...its already stopped growing at BSL. Like it does most of the time.

So I guess I'll have to accept that I probably won't be part of the long haired realm.

heidi w.
February 13th, 2012, 11:39 AM
I don't like my hair at all either.

...

Also, I'm losing my hair. I'm still very young too. I won't tell anyone my real age as it is today, but suffice to say I'm in college so you have a rough estimate about how old I am. I have a big thin spot on the top of my head, and I know its going to get bigger as I get older. My dad and uncle have the same thing. :(

IF this is the case, I would get a basic blood test to rule out too much testosterone in the system (PCOS) and to rule out a thyroid condition. Both these are medical conditions and can be improved a little bit. Sometimes they come together, and it can be problematic, yet not debilitating. Once this is diagnosed, even if a borderline case, there are things that can be done, medically and possibly medicinally, to correct the problem.

Thyroid conditions and even PCOS are among some medical concerns that many women don't even realize they have. They're among the more under-diagnosed conditions for women.

Only relatively recently, as in the past 10-15 years, has testing for at least thyroid become a part of a regular ob-gyn protocol test with an annual examination. Some protocols don't test for it until one is a bit older, but it does happen in younger women, and a bit more often than one realizes.

There's a strong possibility that a medical issue is at play here, and that something can be done about it, once it's identified. You don't have to live this way.

heidi w.


I'm pretty sure I'll never get to waist. Really sure actually. Even now that I haven't been dyeing all the time and its up out of the way and it gets its ends oiled...its already stopped growing at BSL. Like it does most of the time.

So I guess I'll have to accept that I probably won't be part of the long haired realm.

Just be patient. You may be in for a growth spurt, if you wait long enough. It does happen. It happened to me. I've had a couple of times now where I've had to wait a few years for growth rate to pick up again as I assume it was previously in resting phase. The longer the hair, replacement phase, in particular, can take a bit longer.

It's important to know the hair growth cycle.

heidi w.

Based on your siggy photo, and I tried to find a hair album for the OP but couldn't find one, I would say that you do not need to cut your hair. Not much even if you decide to trim a teensy bit.

Your hair grows in a u shape, which is fairly normal, in actuality.

heidi w.

MsBubbles
February 13th, 2012, 11:41 AM
Madora: I'm not the one complaining about having thick hair! I wish! My post was in reply to Ambermaiden.

I can't imagine having such thick hair that you can't do buns would ever be so daunting as worrying about thin ends, as the OP was. Seems like there would be a solution to hair too thick to do buns, as you suggested with learning different buns. For thinning hair, there is often no solution.

lapushka
February 13th, 2012, 11:46 AM
If your hair tapers, it could mean that there are hairs that have a slower growth cycle than the others and that basically you need to give it time, and that means *plenty* of time to let those hairs catch up. The best example of this is Cinnamon hair's journey:
http://www.beyondclassiclength.com/longhairjourney.html

From that page: "I have found that over time, the area where my hair begins to thin reaches lower and lower levels on my body. It just takes awhile for the bulk of the hair to catch up as I reach new lengths. In the first pic my hair began to thin significantly at about waist length. Now it thins only in the last few inches. So there is hope!" (This was at thigh length.)

serin blackwood
February 13th, 2012, 11:52 AM
I had come to terms with my hair being APL and scraggly looking for the rest of my life, because I didn't know any better. Everyone I knew who had nice long hair, including my sister never did anything more or less than I did to care for it (shampoo, condition, dye, brush, period). So I accepted the fact that I had bad hair genes :rolleyes:

THEN, I found LHC, and now I have hope (and am starting to see results). I guess it helps that I had a lot of room for improvement. I still know I won't achieve the hair of my dreams, but I am optimistic for better hair, anyway (:

teal
February 13th, 2012, 12:16 PM
Yes and no. I can't say that I ever remember profound unhappiness with my hair that wasn't fuelled by teenage angst. A tiny part of me wishes I had a thicker circumference, just a bit, as I'm about midway into the ii category. It's more an oh-that-might-be-nice sentiment rather than I-really-wish-I-had-that.

Honestly, though, wishing for something that is not possible just pains the soul unnecessarily. The idea of being content with what you have isn't just a useless platitude. It's a necessity if you want to accept yourself for who you are. If you're not good enough for you, you invite a whole host of problems into your life.

jeanniet
February 13th, 2012, 12:22 PM
Well, when I was growing up I wanted long, fine, blond hair so I would look like everyone else, but obviously that is never going to happen (I'm half Indian), so I learned to give that particular dream up. I still fought with my hair for a very long time until I finally decided to be friends with it. It's difficult. In your case, I would do regular trims that cut back about half of your hair growth and see if that makes a difference. Maybe you can't grow as long as you want, but still grow longer than you thought. And FWIW, I think the hair in your sig picture looks lovely and not straggly at all.

Áine
February 13th, 2012, 12:47 PM
Thank you everyone for your very valid suggestions, and kind comments. There is some good practical advice that I did get from many of you. The five years (almost) that I've been here, I still have some things I need to learn yet, it seems.

I also wanted to say, that I really had no intent to make anyone feel badly in comparison to my own head of hair. It's the wanting of something so badly and not getting it in the way you hoped that can drive a person to have a very warped sense of themselves. This is what I'm coming to terms with. Relative to this great world of pain and suffering, it is absolutely silly and self-absorbed that I can't get a handle on it the way I should.

I don't have an album, still to this day, because I don't have very many photos that I deem worthy of sharing. It took all of my courage to even post what I do have up because all I can see is... well, I've already talked about that. And those were taken after about half and hour of fussing.

I'm seriously starting to think this is less about my actual hair, and more of a psychological issue.

dulce
February 13th, 2012, 12:48 PM
I always wanted super sleek,shiny thick straight hair.Didn't get that.And now want icy all silver hair.Didn't get that either!

jel
February 13th, 2012, 01:29 PM
I am sorry you feel like that, Aine! I think your hair is beautiful. Personally, I'm a big admirer of fairy tale ends too, and to me they are the definition of princess hair! :D

xoxophelia
February 13th, 2012, 01:53 PM
I think what helps me is that I have pretty low standards. What can really start to frustrate me is growing out the dye. It takes a very long time. So I will sometimes start to feel like.. I'm not getting anywhere. And, there are certain things about my hair that will never change like the hair on the sides of my head being shorter (a few inches to below collarbone).

It is still too early for me to know how well my hair will grow though. I'm willing to compromise on length goals if it doesn't work out for me. A bit below waist, grown out dye, and evening out my hemline would make me happy. Hopefully I'll be able to go to tailbone. To be continued I supposed..

If you are unhappy though, I would take some serious thought about what would make you happier. It might not be your hair that is bringing you down after all.

Áine
February 13th, 2012, 02:00 PM
If you are unhappy though, I would take some serious thought about what would make you happier. It might not be your hair that is bringing you down after all.

Yes, I think you speak some truth here. I've attached so much meaning to my hair and what it represents, that I've allowed it to become much more than it should. I've held onto that idea for so long about myself, that when I constantly failed that litmus test, it made me feel like a failure of a person.

Wow, writing this in the past couple days has been most beneficial in giving me a different perspective. How have I allowed myself to think my hair achievement was enmeshed with my self-image? If you would have pointed this out to me last week, I would have said "No, I'm a strong, empowered woman who is beyond such things." But, I guess I found that I have a very sore weak spot.

Áine
February 13th, 2012, 02:06 PM
Honestly, though, wishing for something that is not possible just pains the soul unnecessarily. The idea of being content with what you have isn't just a useless platitude. It's a necessity if you want to accept yourself for who you are. If you're not good enough for you, you invite a whole host of problems into your life.

This is something that I've meditated on in other areas in my life, and I found this to be a very good principle to keep in mind. I shall do my very best to apply it here too, thank you. :blossom:

dulce
February 13th, 2012, 02:50 PM
Aine,I think your hair is beautiful, very thick with lovely fairytail ends.

Vintagecoilylocks
February 13th, 2012, 05:12 PM
Yes, I think you speak some truth here. I've attached so much meaning to my hair and what it represents, that I've allowed it to become much more than it should. I've held onto that idea for so long about myself, that when I constantly failed that litmus test, it made me feel like a failure of a person.

Wow, writing this in the past couple days has been most beneficial in giving me a different perspective. How have I allowed myself to think my hair achievement was enmeshed with my self-image? If you would have pointed this out to me last week, I would have said "No, I'm a strong, empowered woman who is beyond such things." But, I guess I found that I have a very sore weak spot.

Well dear and fellow hair lover I am going to ramble a bit here but your hair is an important part of you. I have wanted long hair as far back as I can remember. I wanted long silky hair. I grew up with the mind set that that was the only pretty hair. I finally went natural years ago because I could not take the chemicals anymore. But my desire for long hair never changed. APL was all I ever had. I found the The Long Natural hair site by a gental men named Neil. I called him in England and bought his book. I learned that my desire for long beautiful hair was not mis guided. His philosiphy though not exactly like George Micheals, explained the beautiful mystery that surrounds a womans long hair. So it is natural to have the longing for it. What I did have wrong was not seeing my own natural hair in all its kinky coily wispy fine tapering texture as being the hair I should be desireing. I had to fall in love with my hair not someone elses.

When I lived in Spain I saw a young mother with a tapering point to TBL. It was fine and fairly thin with a slight wave. It was so obvious that she loved and admired her own hair. It was clearly well cared for and she carried herself in a way that showed she was completely contented with it. She was a image of a princess.

As far as it only getting to BSL like one poster said you should check out cinnominhair web site. I don't know your age but you may not have given YOUR hair the time it needs to reach its full potential. Tend to its needs don't cut it off. How will it ever finish the race if you don't give it a chance.

By the way I now have TBL hair and I am still tweaking my regimine and learning new information from all the ladies to nourish it and help it reach its full potential no matter how long it takes. It will never hang and flow but it will be the best it was meant to be.

We are all here for your support. Don't give up on your Dreams. Make a habit of creating dreams and be sure they are about your hair not the next persons.
I think you have a beautiful head of hair. Be beautiful with it.:blossom:

Big hugs

Hollyfire3
February 13th, 2012, 05:56 PM
This thread title made me nearly cry...i am guilty of this every. single. day. I want Holly Marie Comb's hair so badly...but instead, my hair is curly not straight and not silky but frizzy and not long but too short and i think its thin....i know its not but it is never enough hair for me! I compare my hair to hers everyday when i watch Charmed, i just want it so bad, now that my hair is damaged and lossing curl and such because of this, i have two choices, keep trying and maybe be awarded with the hair i have always wanted, or give up and excpet it. I am leaning toward the last one, i feel like part of me is dieing inside by giving up this dream, but what else can i do but give up? :( So OP, i share you pain, i just wish i could make it all go away...

Long_hair_bear
February 13th, 2012, 06:09 PM
Aine, if you look at the photo, your hair is black and tapers like princess jasmines. That's really neat! :) not everyone can say they have princess jasmine hair. I'm closest to Belle, but mine is a darker brown and not as thick. I've always wanted thicker hair, but it looks like it will never be. Ive just come to terms with my hair and learned to accept it. I try not to worry about what I can't change.

Hollyfire3
February 13th, 2012, 06:09 PM
Thank you everyone for your very valid suggestions, and kind comments. There is some good practical advice that I did get from many of you. The five years (almost) that I've been here, I still have some things I need to learn yet, it seems.

I also wanted to say, that I really had no intent to make anyone feel badly in comparison to my own head of hair. It's the wanting of something so badly and not getting it in the way you hoped that can drive a person to have a very warped sense of themselves. This is what I'm coming to terms with. Relative to this great world of pain and suffering, it is absolutely silly and self-absorbed that I can't get a handle on it the way I should.

I don't have an album, still to this day, because I don't have very many photos that I deem worthy of sharing. It took all of my courage to even post what I do have up because all I can see is... well, I've already talked about that. And those were taken after about half and hour of fussing.

I'm seriously starting to think this is less about my actual hair, and more of a psychological issue.


This, the last part of this post explains everything. I seriously believe my hair will never be beautiful, so it proably never will be, i do not know how to change my train of thought, hopefully you can give me some idea if you ever figure it out

racrane
February 13th, 2012, 06:15 PM
I agree with you that it's more about our insecurities than what our hair actually looks like. Chances are, someone else considers your hair their "dream hair".

I know, I've always wanted "Sarah Brightman" hair. Hip length, black and very curly. It made me sad at first but I realized I just wasn't that at all. It's taken time for me to accept not just my hair, but my body, too. I try to just be kind to myself and think "I am pretty, really I am."

And, I think you should put an album up. I liked your picture and I really did like your hair. Your hair is closer to my dream hair than mine will ever be.

I hope you can be kind to yourself, too. Take care and many hugs.

pepperminttea
February 13th, 2012, 06:20 PM
Someone round these parts has a line in their siggy that makes me smile; "No matter how much you hate your hair someone wishes they could have it!"

It's completely and utterly true. There's a lot of things I dislike about my hair that I'd change if I could, but still people say kind things about it, and it reminds me of everything that I do really like about my hair. It's fine-ish, so it tangles and is a little fragile, but it also means it's soft and shines easily. It's just the other side of the coin, you know? :) I look at your hair and I see beautiful thick, dark waves cascading down your back, and the length and hemline accentuate your enviable figure too. It's not all doom and gloom. :grouphug:

PixxieStix
February 13th, 2012, 06:28 PM
I can completely sympathize. I haven't given up by any means, as I "recently" started and am just past shoulder, but I fear I'll never regain my full thickness. I don't know yet if this is a valid fear, but it lurks. No matter what though, I try to remind myself that I am lucky, at least I have hair to complain about occasionally. I think one of the biggest hurdles for those of us who get disheartened about the state of our hair versus what we dream it to be is learning to love what we have, and if more comes then welcome that too. Maybe, just maybe, it will grow better with love. I might be crazy though. ;) Good luck with learning what you love, what you don't, and figuring out how to have your princess hair with what you have.

QueenMadge
February 13th, 2012, 06:32 PM
I think I do understand. I have thick hair. Fairly coarse feeling and curly. Even though it is perfectly nice hair, I notice the things about it that I would prefer were different. My hair is thinning in the front and on top. Not horrible but different than it used to be. Even when it is fairly "straight" due to being braided, it is never as smooth and shiny as those with straighter hair can acheive. I always have halo frizz. I cannot make the intricate buns/hairstyles because it is not yet long enough and I am not skilled enough. The last three inches almost always feel dry and damaged. It looks o.k. in photos, but I think they can be deceptive too.

I hope that if your feelings are not specifically related to your hair, that you figure it out so you can feel better. If they do turn out to be hair related then I hope you can reach a place of satisfaction with your hair.

:grouphug:

FrozenBritannia
February 13th, 2012, 06:43 PM
Sorry, but at this point, I am just thankful that I even have hair! This time last year, I seriously thought I was looking at the rest of my life without it, and wondering how long that would even be. But it is past shoulder now, nearly APL! it's not as thick as it was, or as straight as it was, or even really the same colour as it was before it all fell out, but I have hair!!!!

Of course, if you ask me in two or three years, when it is longer, I might have some issues with it not being the way I want, and there are days when I really don't know what the heck to do with it, but mostly, I'm good. :)

Gingerbear
February 13th, 2012, 06:54 PM
I am always struck with how amazing everyone's hair is on this forum. I think it is human nature to never be fully happy with something you obscess over. It's like our hair is a labor of love and part of the journey is learning to be accepting of perceived imperfections within ourselves.

CurlyCap
February 13th, 2012, 07:46 PM
When I was little, I wanted Black Barbie hair. Ridiculously long, as thick around as my head, with uber waves. I even had my dad put scrunchies in my hair after he poofed it up so that I could pretend I had Barbie hair in training.

My hair now isn't like that at all. It's very fine and very thin. I still like to fake the thickness by ramping up the volume. It'll never be wavy, but sometimes I can braid it and get pseuowaves that way.

BUT what I did learn on my journey to my hair now is that sometimes we overlook the simplest things that can change our hair. When I was younger, there was a domican hairdresser who always use to brush my hair and say "Seco. Seco." Seco means dry in spanish, and I always thought she was 1) Crazy or 2) Trying to sell me something.

Well, it turns out if I had listened to her, I would have had gorgeous hair in my teens instead of my twenties. A lot of people with hair like mine don't have to go to the extremes I do to get and retain moisture. I use TONS of conditioner. I have to use LOTS of oil every night. But I do it because that's what keeps my hair healthy and looking the way I want it.

Have you tried a few things that may seem like "too much care". Have you really embraced wearing your hair up all the time and minimal handling? Maybe you could combine No Trim and Updos for a year in a custom made challenge and see what happens.

Either way, know that one person out there loves HEALTHY hair more than long hair any day. and your hair looks very healthy, with a natural taper instead of a taper caused by damage. It's gorgeous and as long as you take care of it in a way that makes you happy, that's all that's needed.

HintOfMint
February 13th, 2012, 09:02 PM
I'm sorry to hear that your hair hasn't lived up to your dreams.

If it makes you feel any better, I think your hair is lovely, and I think you can actually keep it around waist and keep a really nice U-shaped hemline. It looks well cared for and, like another poster said, it looks like Princess Jasmine hair.

Chin up, having a shorter terminal length doesn't make your hair any less pretty. :blossom:

melusine963
February 13th, 2012, 09:02 PM
I have the exact same tapering problem as you do. My hair isn't even particularly thick to begin with, which makes things worse. I would love to have thick, terminal length hair (however long that ends up being), but realistically it would probably look horribly stragly. At the moment all I can do is trim, and hope that my growth rate eventually overcomes the tapering. It's slow going though, and really discouraging when I have to cut off almost half of all new growth everytime I trim, just to keep a relatively blunt hemline.

GlennaGirl
February 21st, 2012, 09:57 PM
Oh, brilliant thread! I have *just* now, like in the past six months or so, *started* to come to terms with the fact that my hair will always, always lie flat against my head at the top. It just will. Unless I want to go back to my Elaine Bennis (Seinfeld) hair days (yikes), I won't ever be thick and poofy up there.

Not if I layer it (though layering gives it movement so I love this!). Not if I tease it, which will kill it and it will fall flat anyway (ask me how I know this). Not if I CO, not if I CWC, not if I go no-poo, not if I WO, not if I wash far less often, not if I wash far more often, not if I henna.

It just. Won't. Happen.

My hair scoops flat down on either side of my head and that's the end of that.

And ya know what? Tough darts! That makes me unique. I'm very unique-looking in this particular way. The top of my head looks small because of this. So what? It's not a freakishly small look or anything. I'm not a Pantene hair model and I never will be and so what?

But...would you believe it's taken me 44 years to come to this conclusion? ;)

And yeah. I know there are more important things. I've experienced a few of them, in fact...but since this is about coming to terms with one irksome physical trait, I'm answering based on that.

I love your hair, OP.

Silverbrumby
February 21st, 2012, 11:12 PM
Aine thank you for posting and also everyone else for the replies. I'm glad I'm not alone. I've been looking at this site for over a year until I finally decided to post a short time ago. I've been taking very good care of my hair now for a year using suggestions I've seen here.

Today my hair doesn't even feel like hair (yes, I'll clarify next wash). I'm approaching 50 and it's thinning. Even with rinses, supplements and adjusting thyroid meds nothing is stopping this happening. I'm not even sure I'll have a good hemline at BSL. Every time I trim off the fairy tail ends to thicken up the hemline, by the time it gets near BSL it's back to the same thing raggy hemline.

I'm not sure I'll ever have beautiful hair but I do have a few people who have said in the past 3 months 'you have lovely hair'. I've had a few good days where I've been pleased even with my hair now leaning more towards i instead of a ii. I'm hoping for a state of grace with my hair. A level of acceptance. I'm thinking that will be the next BEST tool to be added to my haircare routine.

zombi
February 22nd, 2012, 12:27 AM
I totally understand. I'm still upset that I will never have the thick, curly hair I wish I could have -- no matter what I do. I'm slowly learning to live with it, but I do feel sad about it regularly.

It's nice to see I'm not alone. And for what it's worth, Aine, I think your hair is beautiful, too