DBF is Yeti-ish!

[PurpleAshes]

I'm not really sure if this belongs here, so if it needs to be moved, go ahead mods :D

Anyway, this is a bit of a rant. DBF started growing his hair at the same time I did, 3 years ago. His is 2b-2c, and lays around waist length.

Now, the problem is, he doesn't take much care of it. He always forgets to apply conditioner, has sun damage and friction damage too. I tell him many times a day to put it to the side because he lets it get trapped between his back and all seats.

His hair has become very dry and has even gotten lighter towards the ends, where he has a lot of split ends. I tell him pretty much everyday that he should apply something moisturizing EVERY DAY when he combs it, and try to keep it detangled, as it doesn't look very good being tangled, dry and frizzy. His hair looks AWESOME when he washes it, detangles and applies conditioner, and I tell him every time.

Also, getting him to trim (which is very necessary) gets a LOT of convincing. I've been insisting for three years and only got to convince him once, a few months ago. His hair looks the same again though, since it's too damaged and isn't habitually taken care of.

Add this to the fact that he has sideburns which get pretty long pretty fast. He never cuts them and I have to insist for him to let me trim them, and they are curly so they get very unruly when long.

AND his beard grows like crazy. I actually like it to a certain length, but he doesn't clear or trim the sides so every few days it gets pretty disorganized.

So the general picture is a guy with very long, tangled, dry and frizzy hair, long unruly sideburns and disorganized beard. A guy who is very stubborn, and who gets pretty annoyed at me when I tell him to do any of these things, because he's used to being criticized by all of his family about his long hair. The only difference is that I do WANT him to look the way he wants to look (long hair, sideburns, maybe a bit of beard) but at the same time I want him to TAKE CARE of it, make an effort for these things to look good.

I'm really bothered by the stereotypes that say that long haired guys are dirty and hippies, and I wish DBF would make an effort to prove them wrong. It also worries me that his coworkers might see him this way.

I try not to nag him about this and say things in a gentle way, but for example, if he shaves one day, then that same day he won't detangle his hair or cut his sideburns :/ It's getting very frustrating.

I hope you guys don't see me as a very controlling GF. I just want him to look the best he can at the same time he look the way HE wants to. I don't really know how to address the situation anymore :(

[akurah]

Two thoughts:

Buy him the shampoo and conditioner 2-in-1s.

Why this so important to you? He seems happy with his hair the way it is, I'd leave it alone.

[hairyfan21]

Hi Purple. I'm the new guy here :). I'm a guy myself, so I understand how hard it is. I am alos afraid of what people will say about me when my hair gets longer. I have never had long hair before, since I always accepted that men have short hair and long hair is for women.

I don't think you can change people's minds. if they think you are too feminine or are dirty or you are a hippe, then they will always think that way. But, I think your boyfriend is at least trying to grow his hair long so that's good. Maybe he will listen to you one day when he has trouble with his longer hair.

[PurpleAshes]

I gave him a conditioner a few months ago, but most of the time he forgets to use it.

I care about it because:
1) I don't like how all of that combined looks. I feel he is just not caring to look good for me.
2) I know how badly he wants to keep his long hair. Not caring for it won't help at all to achieve that goal.
3) He's just giving a genuine reason for all the people who criticize him about being a long haired man.
4) I'm afraid about him being discriminated for future jobs.

I just feel he can have all he wants in a much better way :/
Plus his hair is really friggin BEAUTIFUL when he takes care of it. And the same for the beard.

[akurah]

I gave him a conditioner a few months ago, but most of the time he forgets to use it.


I meant a 2-in-1, not a separate conditioner. He can't "not" condition if it's built into the product.

For example:
http://www.suave.com/products/Men/Hair-Care/Deep-Clean-Peppermint-Shampoo.aspx#/products/Men/Hair-Care/2-in-1-Ocean-Charge-Shampoo-Conditioner.aspx
http://www.tresemme.com/Products/Classic-Care/2--in--1-Shampoo-Plus-Conditioner/

[hairyfan21]

Purple, I'm honestly afraid about the same things for myself. Since I'm a guy, if I really do decide to keep growing my hair other people will eventually say not nice things to me or behind my back, I just know it. I see it happen to other guys with long hair back when I was in high school. They were beat up usually by the football team or one of the other sports teams.
Right now I go to college, but I do want to find a job and in this economy its terrible trying to find a job with no one offering to hire anybody.

And I know if I go to interviews, I need to cut my hair short again. There is no way I can have long hair and the employer will hire me if he or she sees me with long hair. This is why I plan to grow my hair now in school, so for a few years I can play around with my long hair and maybe learn to braid it. But once I graduate and I need to find a good job, I will cut my hair short again.

[PurpleAshes]

That's a good idea, I'll look for it when I go to the supermarket :)

I forgot to mention he used to be the same with washing it, he went a long time without washing and even one day my dad told me he had to spend all day with DBF and his head being stinky inside a vehicle. Afterwards, I didn't explain DBF why, but I gave him the challenge of washing every few days.

[PurpleAshes]

Hi hairyfan :) I do think you can get a job with long hair. What I don't think is you can get it looking unkempt. So I don't think you should necessarily cut your hair when you start looking for a job, just try to keep it healthy and good looking.

Though, I don't know how things are in your country. I wish you luck, and I hope you get to keep your hair :)

[hairyfan21]

No, I know I need to cut my hair Purple. I need to face reality, long hair is not acceptable on men. But, since I'm in school right now and I don't currently need a job, its okay for me to be foolish and play around with long hair. But I will cut it short so that I can find a good job once I graduate.

[PurpleAshes]

It sucks that men are forced to conform to such a silly stereotype :/

[hairyfan21]

I know Purple. I wish the world was different.

[SlightlySoprano]

No, I know I need to cut my hair Purple. I need to face reality, long hair is not acceptable on men. But, since I'm in school right now and I don't currently need a job, its okay for me to be foolish and play around with long hair. But I will cut it short so that I can find a good job once I graduate.


I have to disagree with you on this one! My DBF has MBL hair, and works a full time job! He keeps it neat and out of the way for work and nobody complains. It's all about how you take care of it.

Purple, as far as your DBF... have you tried doing it for him? That's how I got my DBF started. I offered to shampoo and deep condition his hair for him and at first he was hesitant but I was diligent about giving him an amazing scalp massage and afterwards he was so excited with how soft/tangle free his hair was he asked me to show him what I did.

As far as trims go... I just keep telling him that split ends travel UP the hair shaft, therefore the longer he waits between trims the more damage there can potentially be, and since he wants his hair even longer and he doesn't like to look unkempt, he lets me trim it. I only take off 1/2-1" every 3-4 months.

[hairyfan21]

I don't know where you live Soprano, maybe its different for your boyfriend where you two live. But where I live, men are expected to look and act like men. Long hair is not acceptable. In high school, I saw boys who had long hair get beat up all the time by the football team.

[SlightlySoprano]

I don't know where you live Soprano, maybe its different for your boyfriend where you two live. But where I live, men are expected to look and act like men. Long hair is not acceptable. In high school, I saw boys who had long hair get beat up all the time by the football team.

I live in the US, on the eastern seaboard.

[PurpleAshes]

SlightlySoprano, I can't really wash his hair because we don't live together. But about 1-2 times a week, I detangle his hair and apply some leave-in or deep cond. Most of the times he doesn't want me to do this either, so it's a hard one.

Talking about trimming is a bit sensitive for him. His mom cut his ponytail without his permission some time ago. I try to explain to him that my purpose is exactly the opposite. I don't want him to have short hair, I want to HELP him have his long hair. He knows this but he's still a bit traumatized. I'll tell him what you told him and maybe see if it helps :)

[Amber_Maiden]

My husband had long hair. Very long. Mid-back. I had to get him to cut it eventually because he wasn't taking care of it.

[hairyfan21]

SlightlySoprano, I can't really wash his hair because we don't live together. But about 1-2 times a week, I detangle his hair and apply some leave-in or deep cond. Most of the times he doesn't want me to do this either, so it's a hard one.

Talking about trimming is a bit sensitive for him. His mom cut his ponytail without his permission some time ago. I try to explain to him that my purpose is exactly the opposite. I don't want him to have short hair, I want to HELP him have his long hair. He knows this but he's still a bit traumatized. I'll tell him what you told him and maybe see if it helps :)

That's exactly what I'm afraid of too Purple. I'm afraid a mean person will come up behind me and cut all my hair. Where I live, men carry pocket knives and there are a lot of construction guys. I actually do have a fear that one of these guys will not only tease me(its okay if they are just saying things with their mouths), they will beat me up and cut my hair. And by that point, I won't even care about my hair, I would worry about my life and well being.

[PurpleAshes]

Amber Maiden, that must have been really sad for you two :( Did you like his hair?

Hairyfan, I live in a dangerous country too. When DBF is walking in the streets, he tucks his ponytail inside his shirt to prevent any events like this.

[sisi33]

Maybe try to convince him to let you "play" more with his hair- so that you have the opportunity to at least get some sort of moisturize into his hair. Also, does he know about self-trimming?! That might be the solution to getting him to trim some of it off. He can see what length actually being taken off, and he can cut it off himself. :D Even I don't let anyone cut my hair, no matter how much I trust them! Does he know how to braid? See if he'll keep it braided during the day, or in a ponytail. That at least would keep it somewhat contained (instead of it getting caught in what sounds like everything). I have NO ideas for his beard, though :confused:

[spidermom]

It seems that men relate very differently to appearance than women do. With my DH, he'll wear sweat pants below his belly and a short t-shirt so that his hairy belly sticks out between the bottom of his t-shirt and the top of his sweat pants. Yuck! That is SO not attractive. I pointed it out to him a couple of times, and I think it kind of hurt his feelings, like I was picking on him.

On the good side - He almost never critiques anything about me. Fat, thin, dirty hair, stained sweat pants; it's all good as far as I can tell.

[moxamoll]

Could it be that growing his hair long is pushing the boundary enough, so that he views taking extra care of it as being too feminine?

As for men with long hair and getting a job, I guess it depends on where you are and what the job is. Around here (Conservative Alberta) I think I've seen a few men with long hair in all kinds of jobs, white and blue collar, but not a lot anywhere. I think most places don't mind as long as it's cared for and neat. So low pony tail or braid while at work.

[ladonna]

My DH uses bar soap on this scalp:rolleyes: He did use shampoo and condish for a little while, but he went back to his old ways.

[ladyfey]

Hmmm. I think it is his business alone what he does to his hair. If he were constantly monitoring your food intake and giving you "hints" about how he feels that you need to lose or gain weight - everyone would probably be saying that his behavior is unacceptable. I don't see the difference. Love him or leave him. Just my two cents!

[Lapin]

Hrm, i don't think this is so much an issue of how men vs. women approach things like hair care. OP, your dbf obviously just has different views than you do - you've shown him how to care for his hair and he has seen what it is like. For the sake of your own sanity, you might just want to let him carry the ball from here on out.

I find positive reinforcement works awesomely with my dbf, and people in general. When the facial scruff (which I love!) turns into facial fluff (which I love not so much), I usually do something like waiting until we have a quiet moment and tamp down the fluff with my hands while saying how I can't see his handsome face any more.

If it doesn't work, I let it go. If it really is important to you, important enough that you find it hard to "let it go" without feeling resentful or annoyed, you could always voice that to him.

My 0.02 :shrug:

[heidi w.]

I understand your concerns.

It appears to me that when you say something, what you're saying is likely different than what he is hearing because of his past family problems regarding his looks. So in his mind, he's defending himself.

It seems he kind of likes the grizzly look a bit, and until all this starts affecting him adversely, he may not change.

While you see yourself as helping, he doesn't view your input that way. He's hearing his family criticize him.

I've met a lot of people who have no understanding of how much conditioner can help them. I've met lots of people who never use conditioner, and then wonder why their hair is in whatever condition it is.

It seems that his hygiene/grooming practices are aimed at keeping time spent in that direction at a minimum. His priorities are markedly different from your priorities. At some point you may have to reveal to him that his grooming habits are kind of embarassing you when you're in public together.

This is tough because you don't necessarily get to control his choices.

I would have a very hard time with such a hairy guy. Long unkempt hair; long sideburns, a beard? I'd have a hard time. It would embarass me. But that's me.

heidi w.

[PurpleAshes]

Hmmm. I think it is his business alone what he does to his hair. If he were constantly monitoring your food intake and giving you "hints" about how he feels that you need to lose or gain weight - everyone would probably be saying that his behavior is unacceptable. I don't see the difference. Love him or leave him. Just my two cents!

Ahh seems like you read my past thread :D Personally, I don't find that weight and looking unkempt and uncared for are in the same page, but everyone's allowed to have their opinion :)


I understand your concerns.

It appears to me that when you say something, what you're saying is likely different than what he is hearing because of his past family problems regarding his looks. So in his mind, he's defending himself.

It seems he kind of likes the grizzly look a bit, and until all this starts affecting him adversely, he may not change.

While you see yourself as helping, he doesn't view your input that way. He's hearing his family criticize him.

I've met a lot of people who have no understanding of how much conditioner can help them. I've met lots of people who never use conditioner, and then wonder why their hair is in whatever condition it is.

It seems that his hygiene/grooming practices are aimed at keeping time spent in that direction at a minimum. His priorities are markedly different from your priorities. At some point you may have to reveal to him that his grooming habits are kind of embarassing you when you're in public together.

This is tough because you don't necessarily get to control his choices.

I would have a very hard time with such a hairy guy. Long unkempt hair; long sideburns, a beard? I'd have a hard time. It would embarass me. But that's me.

heidi w.

It does embarass me a bit, especially since I make a point in proving wrong stereotypes about curly hair and long haired man. Yesterday he asked me why I asked him to shave "so often" and I explained that I didn't particularly care for long beard, long sideburns and tangled fluffly hair. He felt bad:(

So today he shaved, but didnt comb his hair or do anything about the sideburns:doh:

I wish to eventually either get it through to him, that he doesn't look very hygenic like this, or maybe just change my attitude and stop caring about it. I would certainly not leave him over it, he's the love of my life.

[Teao_the_cat]

My dbf has long hair and beard too, and doesn't think it affects his ability to get a job, since he washes and ties back his hair before an interview, and shaves.

His hair was a mess when I met him, but he let me detangle and cut split ends and damage (was about three inches)

Admittedly he's not one for conditioner, but with stretching washes and his hair type, he doesn't really need to. On the other hand, his long haired brother washes every day with shampoo and no conditioner and wonders why his hair is so dry and thin. Suppose it is all dependent on the person.

I'm with the 'love him or leave him': if he knows it's a problem for you and still doesn't do anything about it, then he clearly doesn't want to.

[jacqueline101]

I don't know what to say except maybe he's doing benign neglect as his hair growth method. The two in one sounds good try that. If all else fails I guess accept his benign neglect method.

[woolyleprechaun]

Perhaps you could try having a 'pamper night' where YOU do his hair for him? My hubby rarely takes care of himself, but hes more than happy to have beard trim, scalp oiling and back massage on a friday night with a bottle of wine ;)

[mzBANGBANG]

Here is my suggestion.... do all the primping for him at least once... and then reward him after ;) Tell him how sexy he looks with his hair all cared for, and go crazy over him. When he sees how much you love it, maybe he'll continue doing it. Try not to nag him because then when he is taking care of (or not taking care of) his hair, all he'll associate with it is nagging.

When I want my DBF to care for his hair more, I always make sure to compliment him repeatedly and don't keep my hands off of him! Results? He actually started styling his hair more often. Yay! Win-win.

[pepperminttea]

Here is my suggestion.... do all the primping for him at least once... and then reward him after ;)

Agreed. If there's something you do for him that he absolutely loves (whether that be cooking his favourite meal, going to a sports game/movie/event that he loves and you hate, or something... else :eyebrows:), do it. Show him it's important to you, but if he's still not feeling it, try to accept it and don't push things.

[akurah]

Teach him how to braid, the standard 3 strand braid and the fishtail braids look the least feminine, in my opinion. That way, he doesn't have to detangle his hair quite as often, and he looks more tidy.

If he balks, do it under the premise of "Well, what if your hair caught fire while you were cooking" or something along those lines.

I'd also suggest getting him a seamless comb or a quality brush (like a Denman), and if he will allow it (and only if he will allow it), dispose of previous combs and brushes so that there is less mechanical damage on his hair from that.

I also do not suggest doing all of these things at once, particularly if he's resistant to the idea of taking care of his hair. His desire to neglect his hair is fine, but hair does require a few very specific things even if you're otherwise ignoring it: washing and conditioning (unless you're doing something fancy like WO or whatever, but that means you're also probably not neglecting your hair...), and detangling. The rest is personal preference.

[PurpleAshes]

My dbf has long hair and beard too, and doesn't think it affects his ability to get a job, since he washes and ties back his hair before an interview, and shaves.

His hair was a mess when I met him, but he let me detangle and cut split ends and damage (was about three inches)

Admittedly he's not one for conditioner, but with stretching washes and his hair type, he doesn't really need to. On the other hand, his long haired brother washes every day with shampoo and no conditioner and wonders why his hair is so dry and thin. Suppose it is all dependent on the person.

I'm with the 'love him or leave him': if he knows it's a problem for you and still doesn't do anything about it, then he clearly doesn't want to.

As I said before, I don't worry about job+long hair, what worries me is job+unkempt hair. Your boyfriend is very lucky! Stretching washed would be a trainwreck for mine :)


I don't know what to say except maybe he's doing benign neglect as his hair growth method. The two in one sounds good try that. If all else fails I guess accept his benign neglect method.

I wouldn't classify letting your hair get matted, letting it be full of split ends and letting it get so dry that it lightens as bening neglect :( I will try to be even more tolerant, though.


Here is my suggestion.... do all the primping for him at least once... and then reward him after ;) Tell him how sexy he looks with his hair all cared for, and go crazy over him. When he sees how much you love it, maybe he'll continue doing it. Try not to nag him because then when he is taking care of (or not taking care of) his hair, all he'll associate with it is nagging.

When I want my DBF to care for his hair more, I always make sure to compliment him repeatedly and don't keep my hands off of him! Results? He actually started styling his hair more often. Yay! Win-win.

I mentioned earlier that maybe once or twice (sometimes less) a week I offer to detangle his hair and apply deep conditioners, and even though he always loves the results, he still doesn't let me do it most of the times :confused:

I compliment him a lot when he takes care of his hair. Not only to get him to keep doing it, but because his hair is astonishing when moisturized.


Teach him how to braid, the standard 3 strand braid and the fishtail braids look the least feminine, in my opinion. That way, he doesn't have to detangle his hair quite as often, and he looks more tidy.

If he balks, do it under the premise of "Well, what if your hair caught fire while you were cooking" or something along those lines.

I'd also suggest getting him a seamless comb or a quality brush (like a Denman), and if he will allow it (and only if he will allow it), dispose of previous combs and brushes so that there is less mechanical damage on his hair from that.

I also do not suggest doing all of these things at once, particularly if he's resistant to the idea of taking care of his hair. His desire to neglect his hair is fine, but hair does require a few very specific things even if you're otherwise ignoring it: washing and conditioning (unless you're doing something fancy like WO or whatever, but that means you're also probably not neglecting your hair...), and detangling. The rest is personal preference.

Your suggestion was gold! I asked him if he would do braid for work if I taught him how to, and he said of course! I will teach him tomorrow :cheese: I;ve been meaning to buy him a new comb but always forget :o

And yeah, his hair doesn't work well with "bening neglect" cause it gets matted, and he works long hours under the sun so it gets awfully dry and split.

Thanks everyone for the comments and suggestions <3

[CurlyCap]

Be evil. ;)

Only compliment his hair when it's taken care of but constantly melt over wonderful male heads of hair you guy see when you're out and about.

Male competition will make him try harder.

Men (those that I know) are weird. They take an odd delight in ignoring nagging. Telling him what he should do will get nothing accomplished. Providing him incentive for doing something will.

Sex works great, too. "Oooooh. Sexy hair...."

[Charybdis]

PurpleAshes, I have a veeeery stubborn DH (not really a complaint, 'cause I'm just as bad) who has 3a/3b hair that reaches APL when dry, and is WAY too rough with it when detangling. He's slowly getting better, though! Thing is, he has to want to, and he has to feel like taking care of it is *his* idea. The two things that have helped are (1) modeling good hair care by being gentle with my own hair and (2) making suggestions and then leaving the issue alone. Obviously, you're already doing #1, as I can see from your picture!

So my suggestion is: if you've already made numerous suggestions about better hair care (conditioning, gentle daily detangling, sleep braids, trimming damaged ends), just drop it. COMPLETELY. No hints, no "gosh, your hair is so beautiful when you look after it" -- NOTHING. For at least a few months. It may be that, when it is clear that there's no power struggle to be had over the issue, and that you trust him to be an adult and deal with his own hair, he'll start implementing one or two of the suggestions you made ages ago. And then act like it was all his idea. :p He might even ask for your help detangling or trimming it!

Regarding the social acceptability of long hair on men, it totally depends on where you live and what field you work in. Information technology is generally very accepting of long hair on men, and it's never caused DH any problems. (He had a boss for awhile who was ex-military, and that guy LOVED my hubby because DH fixed problems instead of causing them.)

[PurpleAshes]

Be evil. ;)

Only compliment his hair when it's taken care of but constantly melt over wonderful male heads of hair you guy see when you're out and about.

Male competition will make him try harder.

Men (those that I know) are weird. They take an odd delight in ignoring nagging. Telling him what he should do will get nothing accomplished. Providing him incentive for doing something will.

Sex works great, too. "Oooooh. Sexy hair...."

Hahahahahaha I like they Evil approach. He doesn't mind me liking/looking at another people much... but when we visited Germany, I got to hug a few long haired dudes and later on I made a comment about how soft their hair was... he didn't like that much xD


PurpleAshes, I have a veeeery stubborn DH (not really a complaint, 'cause I'm just as bad) who has 3a/3b hair that reaches APL when dry, and is WAY too rough with it when detangling. He's slowly getting better, though! Thing is, he has to want to, and he has to feel like taking care of it is *his* idea. The two things that have helped are (1) modeling good hair care by being gentle with my own hair and (2) making suggestions and then leaving the issue alone. Obviously, you're already doing #1, as I can see from your picture!

So my suggestion is: if you've already made numerous suggestions about better hair care (conditioning, gentle daily detangling, sleep braids, trimming damaged ends), just drop it. COMPLETELY. No hints, no "gosh, your hair is so beautiful when you look after it" -- NOTHING. For at least a few months. It may be that, when it is clear that there's no power struggle to be had over the issue, and that you trust him to be an adult and deal with his own hair, he'll start implementing one or two of the suggestions you made ages ago. And then act like it was all his idea. :p He might even ask for your help detangling or trimming it!

Regarding the social acceptability of long hair on men, it totally depends on where you live and what field you work in. Information technology is generally very accepting of long hair on men, and it's never caused DH any problems. (He had a boss for awhile who was ex-military, and that guy LOVED my hubby because DH fixed problems instead of causing them.)

This sounds exactly like something that would work on my hard-headed boy :D Thanks. It will take a lot of power of will from me!

[Charybdis]

This sounds exactly like something that would work on my hard-headed boy :D Thanks. It will take a lot of power of will from me!

Oh my gosh, yes. SO. HARD. TO NOT SAY ANYTHING. Every time DH whips a brush through his wet hair and I hear strands snapping, I practically have to sit on my hands and grit my teeth to keep from interfering. And for the non-interference tactic to be *really* effective, you have to control your face too, and be totally nonchalant like it doesn't even bug you. I keep telling myself that I have to learn to be less controlling and that it's a personal growth opportunity.... ;) But, yeah, not saying anything is WAY more effort than pretty much anything you could say or do.

[KwaveT]

Be evil. ;)

Only compliment his hair when it's taken care of but constantly melt over wonderful male heads of hair you guy see when you're out and about.

Male competition will make him try harder.

Men (those that I know) are weird. They take an odd delight in ignoring nagging. Telling him what he should do will get nothing accomplished. Providing him incentive for doing something will.

Sex works great, too. "Oooooh. Sexy hair...."

You girls have no clue how men think if you think this is true. I am referring to the competition thing. Yes men are competitive and we are always trying to compete at something. We also do not like to be compared unfavorably to other men. It comes off disrespectful. You are suppose to admiring and appreciating him not another man. That is how it comes off to him. Would like a man checking out all the chicks around him pointing out all their great tributes and then comparing you unfavorably to them. You would feel unloved at that moment since women want their man to have eyes only for them. Same parallel going on here. I am not saying it's wrong to want to motivate him to do better just don't go comparing him unfavorably to other men. Women do this more than they should. Admiring other men is a no no when it casts your husband or boyfriend in a negative light especially if he thinks you are trying to change him.

[PurpleAshes]

Hi KwaveT, I know what you mean :) Hurting the ones you love is wrong, but it's also true that every man is different. I'm pretty sure DBF doesn't mind me looking at other guys. The "causing him to be jealous" strategy is just as a joke, I would never try to make him feel constantly bad or compare him all the time.