Peer pressure advice? (hair-related)

[Diamond.Eyes]

I have been attending Beauty College for that past month and a half, and while it has been the most fun I've ever had attending any school, a lot of the other students really try to pressure me into letting them color, cut, or heat style my hair. All of these options are out of the question, but I don't really know how to put down an offer when another student brings it up without sounding snobby or rude. For example: today my friend Rachel asked if she could curl my hair and I said, "No thank you, I don't want to damage it", and her reply was, "Please? I'll use heat-protector?" And all I could think to say was "No thanks.”
While I didn't see anything wrong with what I had said, I think I may have hurt her feelings. I have explained several times to the other students that I am trying to grow out my hair, but still they persist. I figure it’s because I have a long, virgin canvas for them to work with but I kind of feel like they are being selfish for not understanding my personal wishes. I wouldn't be posting about it if it wasn't such a constant annoyance. You guys always give the best advice, so I was wondering if you had any advice on how to deny my friends on their offers without sounding too rude?

[Vanille_]

I think you are a kind enough person to word it gently. I am sure they will eventually stop asking after you (politely) say no so many times. If it were me, I wouldn't give a reason. I would just smile and say thanks but not today. Keep saying that and I imagine they will eventually stop.

Good luck!

[Moonlake]

**********

[Raponsje]

You want to keep your friendships intact and your hair out of harms way. You are starting of great by understanding why you get make over requests from your friends. That understanding will be heard in a friendly refusal. I would be surprised if anyone would take it personally. But if that should happen, accept it with grace. You only control the message you give and the tone of voice. How it is perceived by the receiver is not in your hands.

Allthough it is tempting to explain your refusal, keep it to a minimum. To many words cloud your message. For a sensitive person who thinks kindly of you, no should be enough.

[turtlelover]

Could you re-direct them by asking them to try putting your hair in a challenging updo, or ask them to give you a manicure?

[Kyla]

I don't know if you keep your hair up around them, but it might help if they don't see it all the time, or if your hair is already in a style (a bun, fancy braid, etc.)

Like Vanille said, they'll eventually stop asking if you politely say no every day. Good luck!

[sun-kissed]

I have been attending Beauty College for that past month and a half, and while it has been the most fun I've ever had attending any school, a lot of the other students really try to pressure me into letting them color, cut, or heat style my hair. All of these options are out of the question, but I don't really know how to put down an offer when another student brings it up without sounding snobby or rude. For example: today my friend Rachel asked if she could curl my hair and I said, "No thank you, I don't want to damage it", and her reply was, "Please? I'll use heat-protector?" And all I could think to say was "No thanks.”
While I didn't see anything wrong with what I had said, I think I may have hurt her feelings. I have explained several times to the other students that I am trying to grow out my hair, but still they persist. I figure it’s because I have a long, virgin canvas for them to work with but I kind of feel like they are being selfish for not understanding my personal wishes. I wouldn't be posting about it if it wasn't such a constant annoyance. You guys always give the best advice, so I was wondering if you had any advice on how to deny my friends on their offers without sounding too rude?
I've had some friends like that, usually I respond to the begging by using my fine hair as an excuse, saying that heat reallyyyyy damages my hair, no matter what protector or cautions are used. Sometimes I have to go to great lengths to make hem understand exactly how bad my hair reacts to it. I wouldn't try to explain how you are trying to grow your hair out and keep it damage-free, though, since most people don't understand how damaging heat is on hair.

[Sundial]

I don't know if you keep your hair up around them, but it might help if they don't see it all the time, or if your hair is already in a style (a bun, fancy braid, etc.)

Like Vanille said, they'll eventually stop asking if you politely say no every day. Good luck!

I think having it in an updo will probably help. Tell them that you spent a lot of time putting it up and that you really don't want to have to redo it. Or if you happen to have it down, give the excuse that you have a special date and you want it to remain as it is.

[HelloKitteh]

For example: today my friend Rachel asked if she could curl my hair and I said, "No thank you, I don't want to damage it", and her reply was, "Please? I'll use heat-protector?" ... but still they persist. I figure it’s because I have a long, virgin canvas for them to work with
You did hit it on the nail though, they're in love with your hair, so be kind to them :p



Could you re-direct them by asking them to try putting your hair in a challenging updo, or ask them to give you a manicure?
+1
The updo thing should be nice really. Basically give them options of what you're happy to put up with, to one person a week, and say you don't want your hair to be manipulated because that's the reason why it is so attractive. Research on hair models maybe to show how much work it is? It might not take as long for you because of your LHC knowledge, but they don't need to that, do they? They can't suppose you were born with perfect hair, if they do, they're just watching too many movies and I wish them good luck with success in life...
Also means that when you've got your person for the week you can tell the others that they have to wait for the following week (or longer period, your choice)


I don't know if you keep your hair up around them, but it might help if they don't see it all the time, or if your hair is already in a style (a bun, fancy braid, etc.)

+1
I would even go as far as doing greasy hair treatments during the day and say you haven't washed your hair, if they really don't get it!!!

They are being selfish and short sighted. Don't be like a lot of us women and give in for fear of not being nice! One person a week I say, and only what you're happy with.
Realise that they might also be doing that out of lazyness. You're right there readily available with great hair, why would they bother looking for other people to test on?
If you're feeling that bad, you could start a meetup.com group locally for cheap haircuts/colour etc. to recruit models and do all of those lazy bums a favor.

[Diamond.Eyes]

Thank you all so much for the seriously awesome advice! I really think I'll give saying "maybe another time" a try next time it happens. That sounds like a pretty polite way to put it. And I think asking them to try a heat-fee updo, or manicure is also a great idea, as we often need to practice those as well! I think wearing it up is a good idea too. Out of sight, out of mind, right lol? Thank you all so much :). I really feel like I can walk in there tomorrow without feeling so bad about denying their offers. :flower:

[Vanille_]

The reason why I suggest not giving too much explanation is because I think the girl was hurt because you accused her of being wrong (even though she was). In her mind, you were saying you don't trust her and she probably believed the heat spray would protect your hair. Your hair is lovely and if all that kept her from playing with your hair was heat damage, of course she wanted to convince you that she wouldn't damage it.

[Diamond.Eyes]

The reason why I suggest not giving too much explanation is because I think the girl was hurt because you accused her of being wrong (even though she was). In her mind, you were saying you don't trust her and she probably believed the heat spray would protect your hair. Your hair is lovely and if all that kept her from playing with your hair was heat damage, of course she wanted to convince you that she wouldn't damage it.

I think that's why she was hurt too, because she thought I didn't turst her with my hair. Which in all honesty is pretty true, mostly because she is still just a student...but I would feel terrible if she knew I felt that way. I would also feel kind of like a jerk if I went in depth explaining why heat is damaging and why heat-protectant doesn't really do much. It's kind of a lose-lose situation :laugh:. Thank you so much Vanille! You are so nice. :flower:

[kidari]

I would always have it up in a complicated updo as my excuse. That way they wouldn't see your hair and get really tempted to keep asking if they could do something to it. If they do then you could say that it took you a really long time to put it up like that as an excuse. If you let them do an updo on your hair, make sure they don't do any teasing! A lot of salon updos involve a ton of teasing and a curl set and lots of hairspray.

[LissaJane]

I know how you feel. Not particularly with hair, but with other aspects such as my health or eating habits.

I'm often put in a situation where I don't want to say their way is wrong, but is just not for me and it's difficult not to sound rude or snobby when the main point you want to get across is "That's bad/unhealthy for something *I* care about and I don't want to use/eat/whatever it"

[sfgirl]

Maybe try using some caruso curlers. If they ask to do your hair you can say you already styled in. Kind of like an updo, but you can have your hair down. :)

[Teazel]

All of these options are out of the question,

Thank goodness for that! Stay strong - LHC's behind you! :cheer:

[skaempfer]

I would be wary of telling them you have a date or things like that; those excuses will wear thin quickly. Stick to the truth, and your friend will also quickly see that it's not just her who's not allowed to, so she won't take it personally. Good luck! :cheese:

[MonaLisa]

Hmm, since you are dealing with a lot of people and a lot of offers, I think an honest 'no' will do better than any of the excuses in the long run.

I had similar situation with a friend who insisted on borrowing my clothes. I'm really not into that, except with my sister..but you can imagine I also didn't want to hurt her feelings...and I always made excuses, and sometimes even give up a bit and give her something :(:o

Please take care, I know from other thread that you think all stylists and stylists to be are like angels, but your hair is too beautiful to risk it..
I hope you can defend it well from those who want to do stuff to it, just for fun or cause of their own preferences.

:flower:

[sumidha]

Stay strong, your hair is gorgeous! Could they maybe practice braids or cornrows or non-backcombing bun-type updos on you instead? Maybe your hair could be the hair that (nicely) educates them on working with long hair without destroying it. :)

[LissaJane]

I had similar situation with a friend who insisted on borrowing my clothes. I'm really not into that, except with my sister..but you can imagine I also didn't want to hurt her feelings...and I always made excuses, and sometimes even give up a bit and give her something :(:o



AUGH!I specifically tell anybody who wants to borrow my clothes that I'm very touchy about it. I don't like it because I don't have that many to begin with and the clothes I do have I love, whenever I lend clothes out I NEVER get them back, or if I do they come back broken. A girl came by and asked if she could borrow my top a while back, even after I said I really didn't want her to, she insisted on it. I don't know how she ended up taking my top right from under my nose, I guess I just have no backbone.
This was about 3 weeks ago :(

sorry, I don't mean to hijack, that one part of MonaLisa's post just reminded me how angry I am about people like that.

/rant

[Bagginslover]

Stand strong! Your hair is a massive inspiration to me-its how I wish my hair could be naturally, and what I'd like to aim for using henna ;) As others have suggested, don't give excuses, you'll get caught in them eventually and that'll damage your friendships. Instead divert their attention, or just decline. I know its hard, I'd struggle too as I'm one of those people who like to please others, I suspect you are similar.

I'm not against using heat on my hair myself, but I wouldn't let someone else use heat on it now-I'd be worried they'd turn the heat right up and I wouldn't notice, or work more slowly than neccisary :(

[Kiwiwi]

Honestly, I would tell them why I don't want it.
"I am very serious with my hair. I want to grow it to great lenghts. I believe heat and x product is damaging to my hair. Therefor I do not want that on my hair."
It's clear, to the point and leaves no room for "but please". If you want to asure them it's not because you don't trust them you can tell them that too. "It's not because I don't trust you or your capabilities. I just do not want that on my hair".
And then you can also give them another option to play with your beautiful hair. "But you can do a nice updo or whatever! :-)".

I do believe it's good if you are clear in your wishes, leaving no room for misunderstandings. I do not believe in doing things to make them stop asking (putting it up all the time even if you might not want to). If you want it to stop, make them understand why. And make them understand it's not because of -them-.
Knowledge creates understanding creates acceptance creates fun times ^_^

I believe in truth and honesty and openness (is that a word?) ^_^

[BritHair]

I would try to redirect them to styling your hair without the use of heat styling tools or chemical products. How about suggesting they may practice their braiding skills.





TurtleLover, I love the color of your hair. It is so awesome.

[Celtic Morla]

I know a lot of times beauty students want to practice so they try tings out on each other,,I don't know your schools policy but can you bring in willing recipeints to practice on? I would tell them no you are never going to colour your hair(who would that colour is nigh impossible to find in a bottle!) but I would get them interested in braiding techniques and updos as these are sorely lacking in practice for most hairstylists. Most of the time if someone requests an updo it is the high pile with lots of curls hanging down OK for prom but not for asophiticated evening out! So push th eupdos and braiding..they will have fuin without damaging your hair!

[Aliantha]

I think what you've been doing is fine - quietly and gently say "no." I think keeping it simple is important - you risk making it sound like they're ignorant if you give reasons that they won't believe - heat styling, etc. When we give excuses to other people, they try to work around it with solutions that make sense to them, heat protector, for example. And their solutions are not yours. I would also hesitate to put them off with something you don't really mean like "maybe some other time." Many people take that at face value and will persist in asking, as they believe it really does mean that you are willing for them to do it later. The truth is best. :)
I like the idea also of wearing your hair in a complicated up-do - that might be a passive way to discourage their well-intended, but misguided desire to change your lovely, lovely hair.
Stick to your guns and keep politely refusing! I admire your desire to protect your hair, while being sweet enough to try not to hurt their feelings. As another said, you are only responsible for your actions - you can't be faulted for being honest and polite. If they get hurt feelings at a quiet, simple refusal, then that's on them.

[Madora]

Diamond.Eyes, it is your hair and you have every right to be protective of it.

Added to that, your hair is unspoiled and it's color is very rare.

Just stick to your guns, be polite and tell them you like your hair the way it is.

Do NOT let them near it unless they can prove to your satisfaction that they can indeed style LONG hair correctly..with no teasing or hot irons or anything else that is not hair friendy.l

Your beautiful hair doesn't need to be a "guinea pig" for anyone!

ETA: Why can't your friends practice on hair mannequins?

[CrunchyMama]

I would suggest using this as an opportunity to educate them on longhairs and our haircare... They'll be sure to encounter one of us someday, and if you could gently guide them now as to how we want our hair to be treated, they could gain a loyal client in the future! So if they want to play with your hair (because let's be honest, who wouldn't?!), why not let them, using YOUR rules! Things like gentle combing, de-tangling procedures for long hair. How to dust someone's length who are trying to grow. No-heat styling, like cocoon curls, headband curls, rag curls. Achieving "hold" with AVG instead of hairspray. I think you have an amazing opportunity to impact how a group of future stylists feel about us with longhair!!! :)

[Vanilla]

Are there any other girls in your classes with hair as long as yours?

They are probably curious, and want to learn how long hair is styled. I second the manicure and braiding idea. Would you possibly object to letting them style your hair using foam rollers on damp hair?

[FrozenBritannia]

I wince at the mere thought of a heat-happy student touching your hair... In my opinion, I don't think you should let them near it, not even for updos or braiding, until you have drummed it through their heads releatedly that you will hurt them badly if they touch you with a plastic comb... I can see too many scenarios in which they suddenly whip out hairspray to 'finish', or just want to add 'one curl', or 'just a bit of height at the crown'.

Maybe you could teach them how to do some braids on those little heads first, and ask your teacher if you can do a report or demonstration on long hair care?

[lunardaydreamer]

I know I'm super new here, but: I agree with others who have said try to steer clear of giving excuses because you mind end up having to do even more exasperating explaining in the end! Your hair is so, so very beautiful and most important it is yours and it's your right to decline. I don't think you said anything to offend or hurt feelings. Maybe if you really take them aside and explain to them that it's nothing personal, you're just trying to do what's best for your hair and that they are more than welcome to braid it! I personally would be super excited if I had someone with such long hair to practice braiding on!

[torrilin]

I have been attending Beauty College for that past month and a half, and while it has been the most fun I've ever had attending any school, a lot of the other students really try to pressure me into letting them color, cut, or heat style my hair. All of these options are out of the question, but I don't really know how to put down an offer when another student brings it up without sounding snobby or rude. For example: today my friend Rachel asked if she could curl my hair and I said, "No thank you, I don't want to damage it", and her reply was, "Please? I'll use heat-protector?" And all I could think to say was "No thanks.”

You guys should be learning about pin curl sets, and that is a heat free curling method, and pretty useful for fancy updos. It's also possible to use gentle heat to speed the process up on some hair types, but a hood dryer is a lot more like using a fan to speed drying than like a portable hair dryer. Plus, some pin curl sets can be attractive updos in and of themselves.

Braids are heat free and always take a lot of practice.

Cuts are obviously out of the question, but washing long hair takes some practice. And a stylist who can wash long hair and braid it or put it in a damp updo is a treasure.

I've always found it's easier to find a good stylist by having them do my eyebrows. Waxing isn't really pain free, and it takes a fair bit of skill to do well. Brows also need to be done every 2-4 weeks, so it's something where you can repeat it often.

As far as the heat thing... it isn't a trust issue. It's a physics issue. It doesn't matter how sweet a person your friend is, or how careful, a curling iron gets hot enough to burn your skin. And if it's that hot, it's hot enough to do serious damage to your hair.

There is nothing wrong with saying no. I've been lucky enough to have a lot of awesome stylists in my life who encouraged me to not use blow driers, or curling irons or anything else that might harm my fine hair. And I know I had them partly thanks to people like you, who taught them about the limits of what hair can handle.

[Mayflower]

I don't think anybody would be "hurt" by refusing them to curl your hair, so I wouldn't worry about that.:)

[FrozenBritannia]

You could always tell them "I don't even let my mother touch my hair!" lol.

[Long_hair_bear]

As its your hair, not theirs, they should be cool with your wishes. And if they're in beauty school and don't know that heat and color damages hair, they have a few more lessons to learn. I'd just give them a firm no and say that I wanted to keep my hair in pristine condition.

[Seeshami]

The best way is going to be to explain. Make it long winded make it short but explaining will make them stop. My co-workers also pressure me to cut it a lot when I started working at the office, I explained that my hair is 5 years of hard work and sacred to me because of all I have put into it and to the one person that wasn't enough for I threatened.

He teased that he would cut it off and I told him if he dare touch a single strand of my hair to a pair of scissors I would considered it assault and press charges. It's part of my body he is not permitted to cut it off. NO ONE cuts the naughty mess. Not to mention the naught mess would probably strangle any one brave enough to try, it's pretty evil.

[heidi w.]

I have been attending Beauty College for that past month and a half, and while it has been the most fun I've ever had attending any school, a lot of the other students really try to pressure me into letting them color, cut, or heat style my hair. All of these options are out of the question, but I don't really know how to put down an offer when another student brings it up without sounding snobby or rude. For example: today my friend Rachel asked if she could curl my hair and I said, "No thank you, I don't want to damage it", and her reply was, "Please? I'll use heat-protector?" And all I could think to say was "No thanks.”
While I didn't see anything wrong with what I had said, I think I may have hurt her feelings. I have explained several times to the other students that I am trying to grow out my hair, but still they persist. I figure it’s because I have a long, virgin canvas for them to work with but I kind of feel like they are being selfish for not understanding my personal wishes. I wouldn't be posting about it if it wasn't such a constant annoyance. You guys always give the best advice, so I was wondering if you had any advice on how to deny my friends on their offers without sounding too rude?

This is an ongoing problem for longer-haired women involved in the Beauty Industry. Part of advertising your skills in hair styling is HAVING a style, apparently. I once met a long-haired older woman at an Aveda Hair Salon, and she privately shared with me that she had a problem in the industry having long hair, that she was relatively commonly hit on and encouraged to cut her hair. She found it difficult to stand in her shoes.

At a certain point, if you've been as polite as you can in saying no thank you, then you can't be overly responsible regarding how one receives your information. I would encourage you not to add your explanation, such as, "I don't want to damage my hair." As this kind of explanation opens you up for a counter claim, and the core message not being heard.

I will say, that if you want long hair in the Beauty Industry, making SURE your hair looks healthy and is a pretty updo every day, something beyond even basic bunning, maybe something with frills or curls, a little bit fancier, is important.

There ARE also long haired salons around the US. The most notable one is the George Michael Madora salon in New York City (Manhattan). These people, after you train in hair care, then you internship in one of their salons and learn their ways of caring for long hair. They still offer hair coloring, sometimes perming, manicures and pedicures, but the focus is beautiful, healthy LONG hair. You could consider that. There's also one in Canada, another purveyor, but she's a one-women show and I'm not aware that she trains anyone. GM salons exist in NYC, Beverly Hills, CA, there's on in Ohio. I believe there's also one somewhere in London, UK.

Aveda salons have some products for longer hair.

You're in a hard industry for keeping hair long, and I expect that you'll be hit on a lot with offers of cutting/styling/coloring your hair. It's just something you just have to get good at over time.

Eventually, people will stop asking, but it'll be a while. It might improve once you're a salon stylist and out of "training".

Historically, shorter hair came into vogue around the 1920s sometime, and more specifically styling hair and a big shift occurred in the 1960s in response to Vidal Sassoon's work. There's a movie about him and some on the history of hair, and I found it a really interesting movie. There ARE also videos (VHS, I have access to several of them) focusing on long hair styling. I know Madora salon teaches clients some styles, too.
The art of long hair design is out there, but it's generally not taught in hair design school. We're still having most people having shorter hair, and interested in "Styling" the hair.

My best to you,
heidi w.

[jacqueline101]

I say be honest and maybe you need to tell them about your believes. I'd also recommend an up do or keep your hair away from them.

[heidi w.]

I say be honest and maybe you need to tell them about your believes. I'd also recommend an up do or keep your hair away from them.

This is ONE of the reasons I wear my hair up almost all the time. I just don't like my hair being a subject of discussion most of the time.

heidi w.

[sarah061]

I don't have any advice to add but good for you for sticking to your guns and not caving in to pressure!

Your hair is sooo so gorgeous, it would be a tragedy for it to be damaged by some student. You're such a sweet person to worry so much about offending them; if it were me I probably would not be thoughtful about that :p

[BlondieHepburn]

Oh, lovely Diamond.Eyes, you have a wealth of great advice here, so I'll just add this, stand your ground, your hair is magnificent, and as someone else already said, LHC supports you! :blossom:

[Amber_Maiden]

I'd wear my hair up so I wasn't a temptation for them to use their heat tools, etc on. And just keep saying- "I like my hair the way it is".

[Diamond.Eyes]

Wow everyone...I am totally speechless. I am so grateful for all of your wonderful, helpful advice! I seriously feel so much more confident about this issue now. I feel pretty good about what I might say next time and all of the advice and awesome experiences you have all shared have been really inspiring! You are all such great people and I want you to know that I really really enjoyed reading everything you had to say! Thank you so much! :flower:

[HintOfMint]

The only thing I can add to this thread is that I cringed at the thought of you changing your hair color or damaging your hair in any way! Your hair is so strikingly beautiful.

[Maktub]

I have been attending Beauty College for that past month and a half, and while it has been the most fun I've ever had attending any school, a lot of the other students really try to pressure me into letting them color, cut, or heat style my hair. All of these options are out of the question, but I don't really know how to put down an offer when another student brings it up without sounding snobby or rude. For example: today my friend Rachel asked if she could curl my hair and I said, "No thank you, I don't want to damage it", and her reply was, "Please? I'll use heat-protector?" And all I could think to say was "No thanks.”
While I didn't see anything wrong with what I had said, I think I may have hurt her feelings. I have explained several times to the other students that I am trying to grow out my hair, but still they persist. I figure it’s because I have a long, virgin canvas for them to work with but I kind of feel like they are being selfish for not understanding my personal wishes. I wouldn't be posting about it if it wasn't such a constant annoyance. You guys always give the best advice, so I was wondering if you had any advice on how to deny my friends on their offers without sounding too rude?


You can say that you are really "obsessive" or "passionate" or "fussy" about your hair and that you don't like anyone touching it other than you ... that you don't use heat etc. you can say that in a sort of "yeah I know I'm weird !!" kind of way, and laugh it off, reassuring them at the same time that it's not against any of them... just that you're kind of special about your hair care routine :)

[melusine963]

No advice really since I'm a complete push-over most of the time, but I do sympathise. I was room-mates with a trainee hairdresser for a little while, and she tried to convince me that the fancy salon products she used were worth the money. Of course, she got them cheaper through her work. This was before I knew much about proper haircare, so I did cave in and use her GHD straighteners occasionally.

[louwulf]

Let me start off by saying that your hair is absolutely stunning and you are right to protect it! I would like to add that I agree with one of the posts about the opportunity to provide some long hair care insights to your fellow students. My 13 yr old has 51" hair and I occasionally take her in for a trim. I'm shocked at the lack of common sense involved in simply combing out long hair that I've observed. They always try to start at the top and work their way down. When I've told them it's easier to start at the bottom they tell me they are trained to start at the top. I would think it would be beneficial for the students to realize with very long hair normal techniques will not work the same. You could impart some much needed insight to your classmates and instructors alike. Good luck!

[louwulf]

P.S. Awesome braiding techniques are in short supply around here and should be practiced and promoted in beauty school!