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View Full Version : Does anyone else struggle with wanting to be normal again?



berr
February 2nd, 2012, 02:03 PM
My hair is currently at my knees. Not ALL my hair of course.. but the fairytale ends are past my knees. I've been struggling a lot lately at the lack of styles I can put my hair in and the amount of difficulty I have detangling after washing, etc.

I use a braid or usually I put in a coil and pile it on the back of my head. I have to coil my hair in 3 loops and then wind the leftover length around the loops to keep it looking neat. I use to clips to hold it in place. So my hair is coiled from my nape to my crown and the whole back of my head is in the 2 large clips.

Lately I've been wanting to cut back to waist or even BSL so I can put in more hairstyles, braids, or just let it flow loose. A twelve inch trim would be my hemline blunt-ish again. I guess I'm doing the 2week thing here. I really want to see what my terminal length might be.. but I'm really having a hard time wrestling with the inconvenience right now.

Frustrating.

GoldberryHair
February 2nd, 2012, 02:09 PM
Sometimes I wanna cut it short short just bcuz otd be fun to have diff styles I could color it straighten it curl it tease it etc n Id just cut the damage in a month or 2 lol but I love my long hair more than all that

Renate
February 2nd, 2012, 02:12 PM
Maybe not BSL, but Classic?

Chromis
February 2nd, 2012, 02:12 PM
I find at knee I can do *many* more styles rather than fewer. Perhaps changing up your daily style is in order? I'd asked elsewhere for suggestions for new ones and was flooded with answers. Completely broke me out of my normal rut!

Most of the styles I do are more stick and fork based, but I know Torrin's YouTube channel has loads of updos held with clips.

Madora
February 2nd, 2012, 02:14 PM
Sectioning your hair can help add new styles to your repetoire as well. I guess it all depends on how much time you want to spend on hairstyling..and how cooperative your hair is.

Honestwitness
February 2nd, 2012, 02:15 PM
I'm having a similar struggle, berr, although, my hair has never been longer than hip and that was only about ten hairs out of the hundreds of thousands of the hairs on my head. I tried the no-trims-in-2011 challenge, but failed around September. I discovered that my goal of terminal was already being met by a rather large portion of my hairs, but I have a handful of hairs that are really enthusiastic to jackrabbit way past the rest of the turtle-speed hairs. I just don't have the patience to live with such straggly-looking ends.

So, I made myself much happier by accepting the reality about my hair and trimmed it to a little shy of waist length. I'm much happier, because I can now wear it down through the colder months and enjoy the warmth of my "hair shawl."

HintOfMint
February 2nd, 2012, 02:17 PM
I guess it depends on what you value more: curiosity of finding your terminal, or having fun with your hair. When you picture yourself reaching terminal, do you see yourself staying there for quite some time, or is it along the lines of, "well that's interesting, now back to waist/hip/classic/whatever?"

Definitely do the two week rule, if not the one month rule. That's a lot of growth to chop away and I'd hate for you to be depressed and long for knee again.

I think there's a member here with long blond hair, Arc-something, and she does some beautiful styles. Maybe that's worth some browsing?

MonaLisa
February 2nd, 2012, 02:19 PM
I think Waist or BSL is too much :(
Why not try classic? or TBL?
You can wear it loose then even, and it's still super long, but way easier, I believe :)
You can always cut more....and yeah, you can always grow back, but from longer length :)

Good you are following 2 week rule :)

kjirstiben
February 2nd, 2012, 03:12 PM
I absolutely know what you mean! I wore my hair down in public a few times when I was at hip length a year or so ago... However, now that I'm 2" short of classic, and have bicolored hair since I'm growing out henna, and people just don't "get" fairytale ends, and my 2c hair can't decide what to do with itself in the arid desert air...

I just feel odd wearing my hair down these days. It gets tangled so easily (and we have a lot of wind), and I feel conspicuous, sort of the way I did when I was in college and dyed my waist-length hair blue. I've had too many helpful types (with their heads of desert-dried, bleached, chin-length layers) tell me how to deal with my "damaged hair" and I'm living in the bling capital of the Western World (Las Vegas) where you're either wearing the latest trendy haircut or you're wearing a drag queen wig!

But... I really enjoy my hair. Even if I'm the only one who sees it and/or appreciates it. And I really am curious about terminal length (though I'll admit I'd like to cut out some of my taper). And every time that someone tells me I should think about cutting it shorter, I get annoyed and resolve to leave it alone for at least another month...

I think you're doing this right, with the 2-week rule; you'll figure out if you're ready for a big chop or not by then!

spidermom
February 2nd, 2012, 03:17 PM
I struggle between wanting to see what my terminal length might be or getting a shorter style that I can do more with. I remember fondly the days I could break out the straightener or the curling iron, not concerned in the least whether or not I was damaging my precious hair. I feel so stuck sometimes!

Good luck finding the right answer for you and your hair.

jeanniet
February 2nd, 2012, 03:52 PM
I get frustrated sometimes with detangling and think how much easier it would be if it were shorter, but then I remember that it really wasn't easier at all. The weight of longer hair keeps it from getting too unruly, and it's probably easier to detangle now than when shorter, plus keeping it up helps too. I also get frustrated with updos that used to work and don't anymore, so I can understand how you feel. I have no interest in growing to terminal because I think it would be too much to handle. I would love to make it to TB, but when I hit hip I'm going to maintain for a while and then decide if I want to go further.

freecelt
February 2nd, 2012, 04:01 PM
YES! I knew from the start that I just wouldn't be able to do terminal. I'm 9in away from knee(my double goal) but sometimes I just want to wear my hair down and not worry about it getting tangled or someone gasp and making a scene because of the length :/ So yes...I think about cutting to a more "normal" length :)



I just feel odd wearing my hair down these days. Me too kjirstiben! Your use of the word odd is perfectly descriptive :)

Torrin Paige
February 2nd, 2012, 04:32 PM
I find tailbone to be very manageable. I can do a ton of styles, and I do wear it down almost as often as I wear it up. You should be happy with your hair no matter what, and if you think BSL is the length you'll be happiest at, then go for it. I would just suggest a little at a time - start with TBL and try some styles, if it still seems too long, then go up to waist and fool around with it, and if it's still too long, then cut a bit more. :)

Long_hair_bear
February 2nd, 2012, 04:36 PM
I find tailbone to be very manageable. I can do a ton of styles, and I do wear it down almost as often as I wear it up. You should be happy with your hair no matter what, and if you think BSL is the length you'll be happiest at, then go for it. I would just suggest a little at a time - start with TBL and try some styles, if it still seems too long, then go up to waist and fool around with it, and if it's still too long, then cut a bit more. :)


This Becky bear votes that Torrin should never be allowed to cut her hair. Ever. :eyebrows:

Phalaenopsis
February 2nd, 2012, 04:40 PM
I have those moments too. Actually, it was one of the reasons when I was almost at tailbone, I cut back a little. I was too afraid to admit it to other people though. I regretted it, but then got ill and wanted to cut back again, I'm glad I didn't. Sometimes I still think, oh, it would look so nice and thick on BSL. It would be so easy to take care of... But I would miss the buns and braids too much :)

I think Torrin Paige gave some wonderful advice.

white.chocolate
February 2nd, 2012, 04:58 PM
My hair is only at TB and I already find it unmanageable and inconvenient. Waist length was much more comfortable for me. I miss being able to leave my hair down without worrying about my surroundings, and being able to comb it with greater ease. I always have to put my hair up in a style. While I love styling my hair, I don't like to bother with doing it all the time. Despite all these, I swore that I won't cut my hair shorter until I reach my goal length. As for you, you're almost there! Hang on! And take things slowly, in my opinion. If you immediately cut your hair to BSL you might find it hard to adapt to for some time and you might regret it. I believe you have already put a lot of effort in growing it to your length. Good luck!

sfgirl
February 2nd, 2012, 05:08 PM
My hair is only APL, but I know what you mean. I wish I could straighten, curl, and tease. I think 2 weeks is too short to decide something like that. Maybe like a week for every inch you want to cut? Maybe even just try getting one inch cut off.Does it feel liberating? Than maybe you should cut more off. Was it sad? Than you're probably not ready to.

long.again
February 2nd, 2012, 05:26 PM
My hair is no where near as long as your but I do have advice about chopping it - besides the two week rule, do not go all the way to your waist all at once... trim off a few inches (mid-thigh maybe) and wait another two weeks. If you still aren't happy, trim another few inches and wait two weeks... and so on. It might just be that you want to change your hemline but a big chop could be something that you'll really regret and there is just nothing you can do about it once it's done.

I cut 6" off my BSL hair in 2006 and loved it but (like an idiot) followed it by a pixie cut - which I have regretted every day since. I didn't follow the two-week rule and I chopped WAY too much. I should have taken another two inches off and I would have stopped there... ugh.

Pazita!
February 2nd, 2012, 06:04 PM
Maybe you hip, for me that is a great length, it looks really long and at the same time you can make so many styles, or wear it down without too much trouble ;)

bubblyredhead
February 2nd, 2012, 06:10 PM
I say slowly start cutting till you are happy ( after waiting) then again I just cut in more layers and did a trim today after oh maybe 10 mins thinking on it.... And I am pretty happy with it once I put in the funky color streaks BUT There is a huge difference between chopping from knee to bsl and doing what I did. so start slow and my main thing is why have hair that you are not happy with and can enjoy even if it takes you a lot longer to get to your goal.

katsrevenge
February 2nd, 2012, 06:24 PM
I guess it helps me that I never used heat or other stuff like that? Product yes.. but that was it.

And henna just replaced dye for me.

Maktub
February 2nd, 2012, 06:34 PM
You should be happy with your hair no matter what, and if you think BSL is the length you'll be happiest at, then go for it. I would just suggest a little at a time - start with TBL and try some styles, if it still seems too long, then go up to waist and fool around with it, and if it's still too long, then cut a bit more. :)

I 100 % agree with this !

emeraldfaery
February 2nd, 2012, 07:02 PM
When my hair was hip I got stuck in the "bun held with clips" phase. I'm no good at braids and I can't use sticks either so I felt like it was the only thing I could do. If you do cut, PLEASE wait 2 weeks!! Every time I have drastically cut my hair, I have regretted it. I think tailbone is a flattering length for most if you do decide to cut. :)

Quetiepi
February 2nd, 2012, 07:22 PM
My hair is waist length, and I am maintaining it at that length. I wait til it's 2 inches past waist and then get a trim. My goal is to grow out the hair dye & have waist length natural gray hair. When my hair gets past waist the length just is too much. It starts getting in my butt crack & it feels weird. Probably TMI! I can't imagine how you deal with it at your knees. I'm sure it's lovely but it must be so much work. My best advice is for you to wait longer than 2 weeks. Wait a month to make your decision. Once you cut it, it's gone and you need to be very, very sure that's what you want to do.

turtlelover
February 2nd, 2012, 07:31 PM
I agree w/ what others have said. Cut it if you want to, but do it SLOWLY so there are no regrets over a big chop.

EdG
February 2nd, 2012, 07:39 PM
This is the reason why LHC exists.

You need to go to a few LHC meets. There are always three or four knee-lengths. I'm convinced that having knee-length hair is perfectly normal. :D
Ed

Amber_Maiden
February 2nd, 2012, 08:40 PM
Nope. I'm weird already. Might as well go all the way.

AspenSong
February 2nd, 2012, 08:44 PM
I personally don't...Being normal is overrated. ;)
I honestly didn't do much different with my hair when it was a bit shorter, than I do now, so it's not been a big deal for me. :)

LaurelSpring
February 2nd, 2012, 09:28 PM
I have been struggling with this on and off. When I see my daughter casually toss her hair up in a messy bun I remember how easy it can be when its shorter. Especially now that Im older I have taken some flack about having it long over 40.

When the feeling was really intense I realized that I was at a new growth phase and that I got that antsy feeling every time I was getting ready to hit a new growth goal. So perhaps that might be the case with you. My choice was to push through it.

I went youtubing and found a few new styles to do that helped me get my motivation back. Also, when it came down to actually cutting it I just couldnt do it. There have been so many times in the past when I cut and regretted that I am not so quick with the scissors, but then mine is no where near your length. If I make it to classic now I will probably call it quits there.

I second the idea of taking bits. Just an inch might give you a whole new perspective. It usually does for me.

SoulOfTheSea
February 2nd, 2012, 09:36 PM
Lately I've been feeling this way now that my hair is past waist. Before waist, my hair just felt like normal length, so it did not bother me and I could wear my hair down and still look nice, even at midback length. I have been wanting to cut my hair so I could wear it down more and not worry about spending money on it as much, etc, especially in the winter since I can't even wear it down in this weather.

If you were to cut it, try tail bone length, or classic first. If you still don't like it you can cut to each goal-length until you feel satisfied. :)

Delila
February 2nd, 2012, 09:46 PM
I remember being really frustrated with the growing out process, but at some point well past waist, I finally got comfortable with my hair again. My hair stayed back when I put it behind me, and generally started being less hassle.

It seems I like my hair either really long (past waist) or really, really short (away from my face).

Since I'm not willing to go super short and cope with the maintenance that requires, I'm staying with longer hair.

Plus, with longer hair, you get hair toys.

If I were to trim, I'd definitely take it slow, in tiny increments. For me, that would mean trimming just enough to thicken my hairline and seeing how I like it.

manderly
February 2nd, 2012, 09:52 PM
My hair keeps hitting waist, and I keep trimming back to noman's land between BSL and waist.

I think I'll be cutting back to nearly APL at some point. I feel like this length is doing me NO favors. I just keep twisting it up, it's too thin to do anything snazzy with it, and the curls aren't terribly happy at this length, the pull themselves out with their weight and look scraggly, and the top goes all flat and limp. I just feel its dragging me down in general, and I want PRETTY hair, not long.

I joined here wanting my hair to make me happy. I thought at the time it was about gaining length, which considering my start point, it was. But now I just want to be happy with my hair. I want bouncy, fluffy curls. Not these scraggly long noodles.

Do what makes you happy. Remember, it will always grow. You can't stop the growing :)

princessp
February 2nd, 2012, 10:27 PM
Yes, I sort of feel like this right now too. But I want to see what classic is like so I will just have to be patient. And I won't lie I am also very curious about terminal..... :)

teela1978
February 2nd, 2012, 10:50 PM
Not necessarially "normal" but I think I'm ready for a change. I've been maintaining blunt around waist for... I dunno... 3 or 4 years? I'm seriously considering some long layers, maybe some face framing bits... maybe some purplish manic panic... I dunno. I do think something needs to change :)

Illianna
February 2nd, 2012, 11:11 PM
My hair used to be to my knees, but that was before I chopped it to practically a pixie-cut for Locks of Love. While my first ever hair cut was rather strange and freeing (I weighed three less pounds and had a lot fewer headaches because of that), I quickly couldn't wait for it to grow back. My hair grows super fast, so in two years, it went from brushing my shoulders to waist length. I then decided to cut it short again, and have wondered why I ever did that. I love my hair, and even though I only ever put it in a braid when it was long (I had my first hair cut after sixth grade and was a really outdoorsy kid), I have learned different hairstyles while it was growing.
Now, I use clips of different sizes, sticks, pony tail holders, bobby pins (for fancy dos), hair flowers (that's their copy righted name), hair spirals, and even little trinkets of my own invention to put my hair up. There are so many different braids, buns, knots, etc that you can do.
What I did for ideas, was to go onto google, and look up renaissance and fancy hairstyles. This started my creative juices flowing, and then I had really fantastic ideas, and haven't stopped creating new hairstyles. I suggest pictures to glean ideas from.

magicatt
February 2nd, 2012, 11:22 PM
I find this thread incredibly timely as I just cut 6" off last night. I did think about it for several months while trying to pick a length that I would be happy at that would also defeat the terrible straggly fairytale ends I seem to get past hip level. I had cut it back several times over the past two years and never managed to get it to grow happily past hip. The ends are now amazingly thick and, besides panicking in the middle of the night because I apparently always grab my braid to move it when I roll over and it wasn't where it should have been, I can't tell you how happy I am. One of the things I was incredibly happy about was that I could wear my hair down or in half ups again without the mass of tangles. There is something freeing about finding a length that you're comfortable at and for me it's right around hip (just barely above it now and I'll trim when it gets too far beyond that). To celebrate my freedom, I wore my hair in a half up for the first time in two years. :D

Obviously, to each their own but it's good to remember that cutting isn't always a bad thing and hair does always grow back.

And a picture to show my before and after.

http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a382/magicatt/BeforeandAfter.jpg

Now I'll have to work on changing my signature pic. ;)

berr
February 2nd, 2012, 11:41 PM
Wow. I didn't realize there were so many people that get as frustrated with their hair as I do mine. Thanks for all the replies and suggestions.

I think part of it was the fact that I hid my face in my hair when it was in a long bob about 10 years ago. When I was feeling down, I could let my hair fall in my face and sort of avoid people. I always have my hair back now and sometimes I still want to hide. Plus my age is starting to show rather badly and I know the hair being shorter would make me look younger and it would be easier to cover the white hair I have coming in my bangs and temples.

I'll be pondering it for a while. I need to do something. My ends are really bothering me the thinner they get the longer they get.

I might be able to chalk it up to cabin fever but this winter has been really mild so I haven't been indoors bound. I need to make some life changes, too. I just need to keep telling myself ONE thing at a time. A trim is in order. Maybe I'll just take off 4" instead of 12" to start. I really want to be able to HANDLE my hair again.

Neorah
February 3rd, 2012, 12:07 AM
I struggle with this from time to time. I love my hair now that it's at TB, and I love the way it looks when I wear it down... But I hardly ever do that, maybe once a month at most? And sometimes I miss how much easier everything was when it was in the BSL-waist range.

ibleedlipstick
February 3rd, 2012, 11:05 AM
That feeling comes and goes with me! Even with longer, blunt-ended hair I still have "awkward" lengths in which my hair is too short/thick for some buns, and too thick/long for others! It was also in my face for what seemed like forever in that area between bsl and waist. I do, however, allow myself a little bit of damage (I live in a cold area and I don't like wearing hats. I will blow dry it on a cool setting on the days that I wash it. Otherwise, my hair would take 2-3 days to dry completely, which is kind of icky to me.)

turtlelover
February 3rd, 2012, 03:14 PM
Magicatt, I think your hair actually gives the illusion of being LONGER after the trim because of the thicker hemline. Good decision!

terylenerose
February 3rd, 2012, 03:31 PM
I was dealing with vaguely related feelings when I was growing my hair the first time around. It was very hard to detangle when wet and would take maybe an hour. I was also starting to feel self-conscious about my hemline that hadn't been trimmed in years and was starting to fairytale. I think that was all a part of why I did the last big haircut.

magicatt
February 5th, 2012, 10:18 AM
Magicatt, I think your hair actually gives the illusion of being LONGER after the trim because of the thicker hemline. Good decision!

Thanks, Turtlelover! I agree. :D

patienceneeded
February 5th, 2012, 10:47 AM
I agree with all the PPs, don't cut too much at once. Maybe 2" every 2 weeks? Or start with the 4" you mentioned in your last post, and then wait a few weeks. If you're still not satisfied, try 2" more and wait a few weeks. Repeat process until your hair makes you happy.

When I first joined over a year ago, I wanted to grow my hair as long as I possibly could. Now, after spending a year here and reading about all these long-hair experiences and joys and troubles, I just want to be happy with my hair. I will grow my hair until it no longer makes me happy and then maintain at the length I loved the most.

ktani
February 5th, 2012, 11:07 AM
I agree. To me it is about enjoying long hair, not being frustrated by it or a slave to it. I also agree with those who say take it slowly if you do trim back so that there are no regrets.

Buffy
February 5th, 2012, 12:24 PM
My suggestion is: slowly start cutting and see how you like it!! You don't have to either leave it like that or cut it to bsl. Just go slowly and you'll see.

Personally i don't prefer hair longer than hip length. And my personal goal is between mid-back and waist so.... i can't be objectie about it.

arielįgua
February 5th, 2012, 12:53 PM
I think if you are feeling frustrated, it's not a good idea.
I know it must be really annoying to want to know what terminal length your hair can achieve but at the same time, not be able to wear hair loose or in several other hairstyles.
I think you could reflect&reflect on what you REALLY WANT. That will decide it.

:)