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View Full Version : People touching your hair...(Rant)



unknown
January 31st, 2012, 03:44 PM
One of my friends has jet black waist-length super shiny hair that everyone seems to notice.
There is this girl who barely knows my friend but still goes and grabs chunks of her hair/touches it without saying anything at all whenever they walk past each other,
she loves to do this especially when my friend has styled her hair for more than one hour which obviously ruins her newly-styled hair.
My friend hates when random people touches her hair and tends to back away but never dares to tell them off as she is very shy and very kind to everyone...


Of course this isn't the first time I see someone do this but I never thought much of it before and today was the first time this girl did it to me. I backed away and told her I didn't like someone to touch my hair w/o my permission.

This made me think of when my hair is going to be long enough for strangers/creeps to touch my hair without me knowing. Sure, the first times I might just tell them to stop but after a while I'd probably get very rude and yell at them. I'm not as tolerant and kind as my friend is, and that is way inappropriate in my opinion.

I might be overreacting but still!
The fact that people gives themselves the liberty to just touch/grab someone else's hair (or do anything else against someone else's will) annoys me a lot. Especially when they see that the person tries to get away! You shouldn't have to wear your hair up when going out in public because of the fear that someone will grab your hair.

Anyone here who has had any similar experience and how do you handle it?

jacqueline101
January 31st, 2012, 03:56 PM
Yeah I've had that happen to me at my work place. I work with the mentally ill and I hate when people touch me. I had a woman take and run her fingers through my hair when I had my shag hair cut in 2008. I used to dye my hair wild and bright colors. That somehow drew people to me.

Amber_Maiden
January 31st, 2012, 03:56 PM
I had a similar experience... But a bit creepier and with a worse outcome, since I ended up cutting it. Since then, I've realized I just have to wear my hair up...

You can read about my experience here: http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=82176

ibleedlipstick
January 31st, 2012, 04:08 PM
The first time someone does it, I am typically pretty nice about it. I will say something like "It makes me uncomfortable when people touch me" and then ask them not to do it in the future.

The second time that person does it, I lose it. If I have asked you to stop and you disregarded my opinion, I will do my best to leave you in tears. You don't have the right to touch my body or my hair.

Veviticus
January 31st, 2012, 04:15 PM
So far I have one person ask me if they could touch my hair while at the same time reaching out to touch it. I know the person and I knew that their intentions were okay. Strangers have always asked before they touched my hair, and I normally agree since all of my encounters have been good ones.
I haven't had to punch, jet slap or break anyone's fingers yet.:patrol:
Hair is really a personal thing though.

Ligeia_13
January 31st, 2012, 04:46 PM
I have had no such experience because my hair is thoroughly unimpressive :D

ladonna
January 31st, 2012, 04:51 PM
This has never happened to me, I think I would freak out and end up with them in a head lock.

Bagginslover
January 31st, 2012, 05:06 PM
If someone just grabbed my hair like that, I think I'd grab theirs back, and pull, hard! They'd think twice about doing it again!

darklyndsea
January 31st, 2012, 05:11 PM
I ended up hitting this one guy who kept touching my hair...he never did it again! :D

Though there is more to the story--he pestered me for months, badly enough that (as I later found out) at least one teacher talked to him about it, even though I'm pretty sure I didn't say anything about it.

But it depends on who's doing the touching. I'm more of a seethe quietly person than somebody who speaks up when something's bothering me, so for most people I'd just lean away uncomfortably or maybe say "please don't touch my hair". But if it's creepy touching, I'm pretty sure my smacking reflex will kick in.

Starry_Eyed
January 31st, 2012, 05:16 PM
Hmm, the only times that I have had that happen is when browsing at a hair toy booth. When I was younger it would annoy me, but I'd tolerate it because then I'd just tell them I wasn't buying. Now that I'm older and my hair is so fragile, I quickly whirl around to face the offender when they reach for my hair. I was at the Sawdust festival in CA looking at some hair toys when the 20-something guy (salesman) asked if he could show me something. Obviously, he wanted to show me how gorgeous my hair would be put up with one of his hair toys and was already half way around the table when he asked. I flat out said no, that my hair is very fragile. The jerk actually got p*ssy with me. At first he was shocked that I said no, but then gave me a sneer (at which point I just walked away from him) and started sarcastically telling the other booth employees that my hair was fragile. I just thought f--- you buddy . . . I was interested in buying something from you before you were rude to me, but there's no way now! This young man also happened to have very short hair, so how would he have any idea what hair problems people have?

I don't know why, but people seem to think hair is not an extension of the body and it is open to the public. They wouldn't dare stroke someone's face or butt that way, would they?

mzBANGBANG
January 31st, 2012, 05:22 PM
I personally think I'd love the attention, lol. Can't wait for my hair to be touch-worthy. I also live in a very rural area and know just about everyone, so it wouldn't creep me out. I could see things changing when my hair is longer and I know my exact routine.

I do get angry when my boyfriend messes up my styling though. I know he's trying to be sweet by rubbing me on my head or some gesture like that, so I'm nice about it. :)

FrozenBritannia
January 31st, 2012, 05:27 PM
i used to have issues with this as a child, but haven't had hair long enough since then for strangers to bother with.

Malibu Barbie
January 31st, 2012, 07:22 PM
I've had a lot of problems with this...I've decided it's something I have to live with when I wear it down. I've been trying to reach classic so I have been wearing it up for months now. I find it so much easier this way and people stay out of my hair. The plus part, I show off all my hairsticks and it protects my hair. I'm loving the new freedom, people talk to me instead of my hair.:)

Veviticus
January 31st, 2012, 07:28 PM
I had a similar experience... But a bit creepier and with a worse outcome, since I ended up cutting it. Since then, I've realized I just have to wear my hair up...

You can read about my experience here: http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=82176

I am so very truly sorry for you and your brother's horrible experience. That's just being totally violated, and it's not like people don't know any better!
I ride the bus to work everyday, and you will meet some strange and dangerous people.
It's sad when people don't step up to help.
I worked at a school and a stranger got into the building and tried to assault me. The worse and most painful part about it is that as I was trying to fight this person off of me, (in the hallway with teachers, and a man who was the Sargent of the ROTC) people walk by as if it wasn't happening.
It makes me feel so sad that your brother hasn't grown his hair back, and that you cut yours....it makes me mad!
Now see, if this had happened to me on the on the subway or bus, that creep's behind would have been grass, and I would be the lawnmower. :angry:
I would have made sure that he would not have the ability to do that to anyone else.

LittleOrca
January 31st, 2012, 07:39 PM
In general the only people who touch my hair are my fiance and my mother. I have had ladies in my bellydance troupe ask and since they ASKED I usually let them. They just explored it to see if it was real.

I have had one stranger come up to me that I can remember and start petting my hair. It was an old woman, so I did not get upset with her. She smiled bright and wide, almost as though she were reliving a memory of hers through touching my hair and told me it was beautiful.

marymonster
January 31st, 2012, 08:12 PM
People touch my hair a lot for some reason... it's not long (chin... again) but it is usually soft. I don't usually mind except when people run their fingers through it. My hair is curly so it snags and gets fluffy :/. My best friend's brother always asks if he can touch my head lol! Usually several times... somehow it isn't creepy though.

scotty810
January 31st, 2012, 08:18 PM
I wonder if I would get slapped if I randomly touched a females long hair since I have long hair too, maybe there is like a mutual unspoken long hair understanding between people with long hair hmmm :D

don't think i'll try it though.

swearnsue
January 31st, 2012, 08:26 PM
I just want to encourage everyone to be careful before they retaliate physically towards anyone. I don't want my LHC sisters getting arrested for assault. I say this because I have a temper that has gotten me into trouble in the past :( One suggestion I have just thought of that I think would work is: when someone touches your hair, yell "Owww! You pulled my hair!" Imagine the dirty looks that touchy person would get! This would work I think even if their hand is only close but not yet touching you. Of course the touchy person would think you are nuts but if it's a stranger, then all the better to keep them at bay.

KwaveT
January 31st, 2012, 11:16 PM
I have never had hair long enough to be a problem. If I did, then people putting their hands in my hair would most certainly bother me. I tend to react on impulse (pulling away) on something like this. Usually people get the hint. I react like this when people push objects towards my hands by surprise. I jump backwards sometimes as a result.

Tia2010
February 1st, 2012, 02:10 AM
If someone tries to get all touchy...:slap: chaos would ensue..just kidding...kind of :p

wtchmel
February 1st, 2012, 02:22 AM
Am i the only one who doesn't have an issue with people touching my hair? Maybe it's because no one does besides me, so if someone is appreciating it, i haven't an issue with it. I'm tall and fat so i can be very intimidating, so, therefore no one would ever do this/(touch my hair). I suppose i'm the odd man out......

lacefrost
February 1st, 2012, 09:28 AM
I either duck away or smack their hands away. But mostly I wear it up.

heidi w.
February 1st, 2012, 09:53 AM
My hair has been touched plenty by people, zippers, car seatbelts and clothing, and on the list goes...

One time I was at an open flea market, and some person whizzed by me, and somehow my long hair got caught in her bakpak zippers, and I was tugged along backwards. It took a bit to unwind myself, and the first task was the hardest: getting her to stop and look behind her. It's funny now, but it sure hurt then.

I've been out with a friend in a shop -- window shopping -- and my fried informed me that some little kid was trying to touch my hair. Apparently he was touching it. He was no older than 2 years old. He just didn't know that it's MORE polite to ask first.

You see, hair has no feelings. I can't feel sometimes if someone is touching my hair.

Even though I'm not a big fan of people touching my hair without my consent, I don't believe it's appropriate to outright yell at a person. It just doesn't produce the best results. Most of the time, they're trying to admire your hair, and aren't doing that much harm to your hair. And if you yell while your hair is in their hands, you could frighten them and they could tug at your hair without meaning to just because of their shock. I think it's better to politely withdraw your hair, smile, and say, "I'm uncomfortable with folks touching my hair without my consent first." This way you can kind of educate them that maybe they should ask first. Some people, these days, just seem to not realize etiquette much anymore, so it helps to keep that in mind. The goal is to be a long hair ambassadortress! No need adding to all the crazy notions people have about folks with long hair by additionally yelling at them in public.

Then you get the creepy guys, who kind of linger and stare. Those just move away from: join a crowd, join a line, leave the premises if you can, whatever......

heidi w.


I've had a lot of problems with this...I've decided it's something I have to live with when I wear it down. I've been trying to reach classic so I have been wearing it up for months now. I find it so much easier this way and people stay out of my hair. The plus part, I show off all my hairsticks and it protects my hair. I'm loving the new freedom, people talk to me instead of my hair.:)

Wearing hair up in public, when you're this long, means you can actually get something done, instead of standing there a few moments talking about hair stuff. When just about every person asks even one question, it can really slow you down in your efforts to get something done.

heidi w.


In general the only people who touch my hair are my fiance and my mother. I have had ladies in my bellydance troupe ask and since they ASKED I usually let them. They just explored it to see if it was real.

I have had one stranger come up to me that I can remember and start petting my hair. It was an old woman, so I did not get upset with her. She smiled bright and wide, almost as though she were reliving a memory of hers through touching my hair and told me it was beautiful.

I'm frequently asked if my hair is real, as in is it really all my hair or extensions? Lots of add-on hair going on where I reside.

heidi w.


I wonder if I would get slapped if I randomly touched a females long hair since I have long hair too, maybe there is like a mutual unspoken long hair understanding between people with long hair hmmm :D

don't think i'll try it though.

There sort of is an unspoken understanding. But different people take care of their hair very, very differently, and I absolutely can't stand when hairdressers or regular Jane Q. Public tries to rake my hair through their fingers. It drives me nuts because they don't realize what a tenderhead I am and it actually hurts, and they're actually pulling my hair, and I don't like the feeling one bit.

But if they just want to lay their hand on it or touch a bit of the bulk, that's not a big deal.

heidi w.


I have had no such experience because my hair is thoroughly unimpressive :D

It will be impressive in time. Patience. Patience.
Besides, from your Avatar photo, you have nice hair it appears to me.

heidi w.

spidermom
February 1st, 2012, 10:02 AM
No hair touchers around here. I've had exactly one person touch my hair without asking, and she was elderly, so I give her a pass.

patienceneeded
February 1st, 2012, 10:54 AM
I don't really care one way or another. It's certainly not worth getting all bent out of shape about (IMHO). It has never really bothered me.

Mayflower
February 1st, 2012, 11:18 AM
I don't really care one way or another. It's certainly not worth getting all bent out of shape about (IMHO). It has never really bothered me.

Exactly. It doesn't seem like such a big deal to me? And I've had people touch my hair before (when they didn't ask first). It's a silent compliment, nobody would want to touch your hair if it looks nasty.
Hmm. I don't know. I'm not that easily offended/insulted I guess.

LittleOrca
February 1st, 2012, 12:06 PM
The only thing that truly bothers me about strangers touching my hair is that I don't know their hand washing habits! It would not bother me as much if I knew the woman who just touched my hair washed her hands after using the bathroom last or after changing a dirty diaper or all the various things that she could have just done with her hands that warrant a washing and didn't get one. shudder:

spidermom
February 1st, 2012, 12:21 PM
No hair touchers around here. I've had exactly one person touch my hair without asking, and she was elderly, so I give her a pass.

Oh - almost forgot - and a young man with Down's syndrome. He exclaimed "hair!" and grabbed a double-handful of it. His father had to pry his hands out. He gets a pass, too.

Ligeia_13
February 1st, 2012, 12:30 PM
It will be impressive in time. Patience. Patience.
Besides, from your Avatar photo, you have nice hair it appears to me.

heidi w.

Aw thanks :D I only hope its at least half as impressive as yours!

unknown
February 1st, 2012, 03:12 PM
Even though I'm not a big fan of people touching my hair without my consent, I don't believe it's appropriate to outright yell at a person. It just doesn't produce the best results. Most of the time, they're trying to admire your hair, and aren't doing that much harm to your hair. And if you yell while your hair is in their hands, you could frighten them and they could tug at your hair without meaning to just because of their shock. I think it's better to politely withdraw your hair, smile, and say, "I'm uncomfortable with folks touching my hair without my consent first." This way you can kind of educate them that maybe they should ask first. Some people, these days, just seem to not realize etiquette much anymore, so it helps to keep that in mind. The goal is to be a long hair ambassadortress! No need adding to all the crazy notions people have about folks with long hair by additionally yelling at them in public.

Then you get the creepy guys, who kind of linger and stare. Those just move away from: join a crowd, join a line, leave the premises if you can, whatever......

heidi w.

Yeah, yelling at someone for getting fascinated by your hair feels wrong and I understand you, but I wouldn't be able not to yell after a while....
Actually touching the hair doesn't bother me as much as what they've been doing before or if they are somehow reckless and accidentally hurt you/damage the hair .... Such as when someone sneezes in their hands and grabs someone else's hair afterwards, or when they kind of bury their fingers in the hair so that it tangles and their fingers gets stuck.
I've seen those things happen so many times! :(

Johanna
February 1st, 2012, 10:15 PM
The only people that touch my hair are my two SIL's an my husband. I feel very thankful that I don't have any stranger touching. Yuuk.
The only person who has touched my hair after asking to has been a blind man. He was told I had long hair and asked if he could feel it.

marena
February 2nd, 2012, 12:02 AM
My brother is the only one that tries to touch my hair all the time. But I know how to avoid his hands :) I think he's drawn to my long hair..

snowfaery
February 2nd, 2012, 12:15 AM
I had to get snippy/protective on one of my other forums today. There have been a lot of posts on long sexy hair, so of course that is someplace I like to see what shows up. Anyways, several posters said they love nothing more than to touch what they consider sexy hair no matter if they know the person or not. I was polite but asked pointedly how many of them would want someone to just walk up and touch one of their most prized body parts or possessions touched without at least being asked about it first. Several posters actually apologized once they realized what the equation was. Most said they would never touch a pregnant woman without asking but they never considered hair to be similar. So yeah, small success in educating.

darklyndsea
February 2nd, 2012, 12:20 AM
I had to get snippy/protective on one of my other forums today. There have been a lot of posts on long sexy hair, so of course that is someplace I like to see what shows up. Anyways, several posters said they love nothing more than to touch what they consider sexy hair no matter if they know the person or not. I was polite but asked pointedly how many of them would want someone to just walk up and touch one of their most prized body parts or possessions touched without at least being asked about it first. Several posters actually apologized once they realized what the equation was. Most said they would never touch a pregnant woman without asking but they never considered hair to be similar. So yeah, small success in educating.
Try "Would you walk up to a complete stranger and run your hands across their chest/back/legs without asking permission?" That's closer to how I see it: you just do not walk up to random strangers and touch them without permission unless you have a good reason to do so, and liking the looks of them is NOT a good reason.

snowfaery
February 2nd, 2012, 12:24 AM
As most of the people replying were men, I went with something they should relate to better. Most have said they love when random women walk up to them and touch them.

sfgirl
February 2nd, 2012, 02:35 AM
I have an anger problem! I'm pretty sure if someone did that to me I would try to rip their face off. I have VERY big personal space issues.

MaryMarx
February 2nd, 2012, 03:04 AM
Try "Would you walk up to a complete stranger and run your hands across their chest/back/legs without asking permission?" That's closer to how I see it: you just do not walk up to random strangers and touch them without permission unless you have a good reason to do so, and liking the looks of them is NOT a good reason.

I read that a little bit to fast and thought you wrote "run your hands across their chest/back/leg hair". I got this really weird picture in my mind of someone running their fingers through some strangers legs hair. :D

Juanita
February 2nd, 2012, 04:39 AM
I don't really have a problem with this as it is young children from out in aboriginal communities and they are unused to white ladies with long hair. Particulaly older women. So they are just curious.

Tota
February 2nd, 2012, 04:47 AM
I have an anger problem! I'm pretty sure if someone did that to me I would try to rip their face off. I have VERY big personal space issues.
That makes two of us.

DRIFTINSUX
February 2nd, 2012, 11:46 AM
I live with my 6 year old niece who last year had a super obsession with Tangled. Because my hair is waist length she thinks I am the next best thing. I love her so, I don't mind when she askes to brush my hair occasionally...especially if Tangled is on. :-)

However on one of my weekly trips to Barnes and Noble while sitting on one of the stools. I had a four year old come up and grab my hair from the base of my neck, and clench on. It wasn't long before his other hand was in my hair. Of course not being able to see the child a woman came over to unclench his little fists out of my head. I was sorely dissappointed that mom was no where in sight, and when she did finally come over three minutes later she acted like it wasn't a big deal. I flipped all over her. First off, I live in NY...the four year old was ALONE for several minutes in Barnes and Noble. And to make matters worse she never apologized for him clenching his hands to my head. I couldn't believe the reaction I was recieving from this woman who told me "It wasn't a big deal"...she absolutely would have been one of those women crying if her son was stolen. I told her that it was neglect and I should call the cops. The other women who helped declaw the child out of my head agreed and so did the manager. I was really not amused by any of it. I wasn't mad at the little boy, I was frustrated big time with the mother.

Darkhorse1
February 2nd, 2012, 11:54 AM
Funnily enough, the few times people have touched my hair were people I knew, and it didn't bother me. A stranger would bother me because it's not their right to touch, but in my case, it was a very sweet mom who saw me with my hair loose (I'd just gotten to the barn within seconds of teaching), and hadn't braided it yet, so she came up and ran her fingers through my hair and asked me if I wanted it braided--it was totally a motherly thing and was very sweet. Another woman at the barn, who had the same length hair, touched it saying mine was nicer than hers--again, I knew these people (her comment shocked me because I always loved her long , butt lengths ringlets).

My only case of a stranger was a 3 year old touching my ends, wondering' whose hair is this?" when I was in a line at a store. It made me and my friend giggle and I thought of all the times I was a kid and just loved long hair--her mom was whispering 'don't touch!", but I didn't mind.

I think too, I remember wanting to play with long hair so much, when I taught camps, the kids asked if they could brush my hair and of course, I'd say yes. But again, these were situations where I was asked and it wasn't a surprise and I knew the people.

It's rather odd because I don't like being touched, but I'm not too picky about my hair, but probably because I've never had rude people touching it. Like, I can't imagine an adult stranger asking to touch your hair , let alone do it without permission. in the work area, since I was around so many kids, it was one of those things I would have eliminated if I was worried about it, by putting it up all the time.

BrightEyes
February 2nd, 2012, 11:59 AM
People don't touch my hair, other than my DH and my stylist. I usually like it when my DH touches my hair, exept for days when it is styled nicely. But I know he's trying to be affectionate so I try not to let it bother me too much. Now if strangers touched my hair it would make me pretty uncomfortable.

StPaulaGirl
February 2nd, 2012, 12:36 PM
My hair isn't nice enough now to get any attention from strangers, but I, too, would feel uncomfortable if someone I didn't know started touching it without asking first. Once it gets to waist length (*crosses fingers*), I'll likely wear it up in public a lot more than I do now because I'm sure I'd be paranoid about it getting snagged on something.

StPaulaGirl
February 2nd, 2012, 12:40 PM
Actually, when my hair was at its nicest (still only BSL, but a lot healthier), I did get compliments from people, but nobody ever asked to touch it. I guess it's the length that's the novelty more so than the healthiness of it (I feel as if I'm stating the obvious. :p)

louwulf
February 2nd, 2012, 03:07 PM
My 13 year old daughter has 51" hair and I am stunned at the number of rude adults that not only touch her hair, but some actually tug her braid without warning saying they couldn't help themselves! Considering how long it takes to wash, condition and comb her hair, she likes to avoid getting it dirty. There's a walmart worker that we keep an eye out for because she makes a bee line to us to yank on her hair (and she's never seen it loose!) It's hard to know how to properly handle it because we know people are actually paying her a compliment and don't realize they're being rude.

Moonlake
February 2nd, 2012, 04:57 PM
**********

Savahead
February 2nd, 2012, 05:27 PM
I don't know if it is different being a male with long hair, but I have never really had a problem with strangers touching my hair (other than giggling, drunk middle aged women:o). I do, on the other hand, find that females who sit somewhere on the fence between aquaintances and friends (with no apparent romantic feelings on either side) routinely think that they have free liscence to just start touching, petting, twirling my hair without asking. They typically seem offended when I ask them to stop . Is there something I am missing? Do (some) women see this as acceptable behavior? I mean, I would never even consider touching someones hair, even with permission, unless we were obviously more than friends.

FrozenBritannia
February 2nd, 2012, 05:29 PM
I don't know if it is different being a male with long hair, but I have never really had a problem with strangers touching my hair (other than giggling, drunk middle aged women:o). I do, on the other hand, find that females who sit somewhere on the fence between aquaintances and friends (with no apparent romantic feelings on either side) routinely think that they have free liscence to just start touching, petting, twirling my hair without asking. They typically seem offended when I ask them to stop . Is there something I am missing? Do (some) women see this as acceptable behavior? I mean, I would never even consider touching someones hair, even with permission, unless we were obviously more than friends.

Pretty sure they are trying to flirt with you. I can't imagine doing that in any other scenaro.

TammyT
February 2nd, 2012, 05:50 PM
Hmmm. So I guess I'm the odd person out on this one. I'm fascinated by some people's hair and I figure as a middle age woman I'm not pervy or threatening and if I know someone I am inclined to tell say, a lady I work with, how I admire her hair and reach out to touch the texture. I think I'll stop this now. I don't mean anything by it. I've had (not very often) people I know touch my hair and I thought it was an act of kindness. My hair isn't very pretty but it is soft.

moxamoll
February 2nd, 2012, 05:55 PM
I don't know if it is different being a male with long hair, but I have never really had a problem with strangers touching my hair (other than giggling, drunk middle aged women:o). I do, on the other hand, find that females who sit somewhere on the fence between aquaintances and friends (with no apparent romantic feelings on either side) routinely think that they have free liscence to just start touching, petting, twirling my hair without asking. They typically seem offended when I ask them to stop . Is there something I am missing? Do (some) women see this as acceptable behavior? I mean, I would never even consider touching someones hair, even with permission, unless we were obviously more than friends.
I agree with FrozenBritannia, it sounds like flirtation to me! Of course, you can flirt offhandedly or seriously, so they may not be expecting any particular reaction. Do you explain why when you ask them to stop (mechanical damage, skin oils = more frequent washing, etc.)? If so and they are still offended... maybe you need different friends? (Kinda meant facetiously, kinda not. ;) )

Moonlake
February 2nd, 2012, 06:30 PM
**********

spidermom
February 2nd, 2012, 06:54 PM
I really don't get why people who are so squicked out by other people touching their hair don't wear it up or covered. It doesn't really happen around here, but I still wear my hair up and even covered if I'm going to be in public. I basically just don't want it in my way, but I can say for certain that nobody has ever come up and tried to peak under my hat or handle my bun.

It really never occurred to me that people would be offended by hair touching until I joined LHC. I've done it more than once, and nobody ever reacted like I'd done something offensive.

VikingVampChick
February 2nd, 2012, 07:38 PM
For me, it would be more of I-don't-know-you-so-stay-out-of-my-personal-space thing than hair touching. Granted, hair touching would get a nicer reaction than hair pulling. Hair pulling is kin to hitting - both can hurt like hell.

Longhairs shouldn't have to cover their hair out of concern about potential rudeness or worse from others. It's a treating other like you want to be treated thing.

FrozenBritannia
February 2nd, 2012, 07:43 PM
I really don't get why people who are so squicked out by other people touching their hair don't wear it up or covered. It doesn't really happen around here, but I still wear my hair up and even covered if I'm going to be in public. I basically just don't want it in my way, but I can say for certain that nobody has ever come up and tried to peak under my hat or handle my bun.

It really never occurred to me that people would be offended by hair touching until I joined LHC. I've done it more than once, and nobody ever reacted like I'd done something offensive.

The only time I ever touched long hair, now I think about it, (without asking first) I did get a nasty look from the owner... Till I explained they had something stuck in it and I was just trying to get it out. (it was a stick or something, nothing to do with me, but it was right there in front of me and I didn't really think....

Sushi144
February 2nd, 2012, 07:53 PM
I do, on the other hand, find that females who sit somewhere on the fence between aquaintances and friends (with no apparent romantic feelings on either side) routinely think that they have free liscence to just start touching, petting, twirling my hair without asking. [...] I would never even consider touching someones hair, even with permission, unless we were obviously more than friends.

A few male friends did that with me and they were definitely kind of flirting. I had to turn mad for them to stop, but I really don't like it - I have an issue with physical contacts in general.
The only person I'm ok touching it are young children, my mother and grandma.

Luckily no creepy stranger ever touched my hair, only friends for fun and they're ok when I tell them to stop (except in the cases I just told about). Having a stranger cutting my hair on public places in one of my worst nightmare. I'm sorry for those who lived it. :(

StPaulaGirl
February 3rd, 2012, 12:54 AM
For me, it would be more of I-don't-know-you-so-stay-out-of-my-personal-space thing than hair touching. Granted, hair touching would ge a nicer reaction than hair pulling. Hair pulling is kin to hitting - both can hurt like hell.

Longhairs shouldn't have to cover their hair out of concern about potential rudeness or worse from others. It's a treating other like you want to be treated.

I agree with this 100%. It's about personal boundaries more than anything.

jen023
February 3rd, 2012, 06:59 AM
since i decide let my hair curly some relative always want to touch and my curl look ugly. even i say don't touch it they forget it and repeat again.

Cecalv
February 3rd, 2012, 07:27 AM
If someone just grabbed my hair like that, I think I'd grab theirs back, and pull, hard! They'd think twice about doing it again!

I kinda did this to a girl I know.. she kept touching my hair and grabbing it so I grabbed hers back and pulled hard.. we both ended up on the floor of a shop we where visiting at the time... she never touched my hair again^^

whitebengal
February 3rd, 2012, 10:04 AM
Ive had people touching/yanking my hair, without asking, for as long as i can remember. it is NOT fun and it gives me a major headache(if they yank that is)! i cant stand it when they dont ask:mad:. especially my soccer team! one girl loved to come up to me and yank haaaaard anf i would chew her up for it(she knew i hated it). it didnt seem to do much; all she would do was LAUGH! i get angry fast. so a couple of times i would have to turn around and yanker her ponytail as hard as she did to me(if not harder:p)! now she doesnt do it much anymore:D

rock007junkie
February 3rd, 2012, 10:20 AM
I have this problem with my middle schoolers. I don't know why they think it's ok for them to come up and start touching their teacher's hair...or anything at all for that matter. This is usualy a bigger problem when I wear my hair down. Even when my hair is up though I always have one or two students that start touching my hairsticks

Alibran
February 3rd, 2012, 11:17 AM
When I used to drive buses, I had quite a few passengers (usually old ladies) who would get on the bus and touch my hair without asking, while telling me how lovely it was. I know how dirty and unhygienic public transport is, so I always made sure I washed my hands before I touched my own hair, which was going a week or more between washes at the time. It was too heavy to wear up all day and gave me a headache if I tried, and I didn't want a braid down my back rubbing on the seat all day, so I took to wearing it in a sideways braid that came over the shoulder that was away from the passengers. It was frustrating and sad to not be able to wear my hair how I wanted, and that was one of the factors that eventually led to cutting.

jeanniet
February 3rd, 2012, 11:30 AM
The only people who ever touch my hair are my sons, because they like to tease me and know it drives me crazy. Unfortunately, they're a lot faster than I am, so I rarely manage to clobber them when they do it. :D If a complete (adult) stranger did it, I would be upset. If it was a child, not so much--I expect small children to have some lack of impulse control, but adults really should be able to keep their hands to themselves.

NativeGirl
February 3rd, 2012, 11:35 AM
I just want to encourage everyone to be careful before they retaliate physically towards anyone. I don't want my LHC sisters getting arrested for assault. I say this because I have a temper that has gotten me into trouble in the past :( One suggestion I have just thought of that I think would work is: when someone touches your hair, yell "Owww! You pulled my hair!" Imagine the dirty looks that touchy person would get! This would work I think even if their hand is only close but not yet touching you. Of course the touchy person would think you are nuts but if it's a stranger, then all the better to keep them at bay.

I actually (accidentally, of course) got physical with a hair groper at Wal-Mart. This woman (who later turned out to be an employee) came up behind me, grabbed my hair and started rubbing it in her face. I scared the crap out of me, so I whipped around and ended up elbowing her in the face. I felt guilty, but then my DH pointed out that for all I knew, she could have been trying to mug me.

whitebengal
February 3rd, 2012, 11:42 AM
NativeGirl: Thats so gross! I dont see why people do these sorta things!! Yuuck!!:puke:

woolyleprechaun
February 3rd, 2012, 12:00 PM
I actually (accidentally, of course) got physical with a hair groper at Wal-Mart. This woman (who later turned out to be an employee) came up behind me, grabbed my hair and started rubbing it in her face. I scared the crap out of me, so I whipped around and ended up elbowing her in the face. I felt guilty, but then my DH pointed out that for all I knew, she could have been trying to mug me.
Whoa, thats some unhinged behaviour! (the girl not you :)) I dont blame you one bit.....You must have the reflexes of a cat though ;)

darklyndsea
February 3rd, 2012, 03:25 PM
I really don't get why people who are so squicked out by other people touching their hair don't wear it up or covered. It doesn't really happen around here, but I still wear my hair up and even covered if I'm going to be in public. I basically just don't want it in my way, but I can say for certain that nobody has ever come up and tried to peak under my hat or handle my bun.

It really never occurred to me that people would be offended by hair touching until I joined LHC. I've done it more than once, and nobody ever reacted like I'd done something offensive.
Personally, I don't because most people seem to understand that there are some things that you don't do to complete strangers without asking permission, and deliberately getting into their personal space is one of those things. There are always going to be people out there who either don't understand or don't care what's inappropriate to do, but as long as they're only a small minority I'm not going to allow them to dictate what I do with myself...otherwise I'd be wearing a burqa because after all, there are people who take any amount of skin showing as a provocation.

XardasW4
February 3rd, 2012, 03:40 PM
I personally find offensive whenever someone touches my hair without my permission. So if they do not ask and do it without any shame, I stare angrily at first, than I explain that they would be better not to do it again and on a third time I become violent. My hair is a very intimate part of me.

Sushi144
February 3rd, 2012, 07:57 PM
I actually (accidentally, of course) got physical with a hair groper at Wal-Mart. This woman (who later turned out to be an employee) came up behind me, grabbed my hair and started rubbing it in her face.

Oo Crazy ! What are people thinking about ?

HappyHair87
February 4th, 2012, 12:57 AM
I don't really mind ppl touching my hair. I prefer ppl asking first. But don't DIG in my hair!!! I hate that with all my heart! I take my time to detangle my massive fluff. 9 out of 10 times if my hair is out it's bc I'm giving my scalp a break from wearing a puff or a bun all week. And even in those styles ppl like to touch. Especially my bun. I don't mind that too much tho. No diggin, ya dig?

angelshair
February 7th, 2012, 04:14 PM
I don't mind people touching my hair, unless they're obviously dirty or smelly (which has never happened yet *crosses fingers*). Generally, I think it's sweet. I know that I don't want to touch someone's hair if I don't like them or if it looks bad, so i figure it's a compliment. And compliments are like hair.. you can never have enough.. :D

I'm a pretty touchy-feely person but you kind of get a sense of who you can touch and who wouldn't appreciate it. No one has ever complained but the few times I can remember doing it were generally flirty and brief (more briefly touching than let's say stroking or petting it) and followed by a compliment of some sort. Let's just say that in my part of the woods, men with long hair are not a common sight, so if I see one, I like to show my appreciation. I don't think I've ever touched another woman's hair that wasn't a good friend.

I guess if someone I didn't know stalked me to go around and pet my hair, it would bother me but I do let my closest friends touch mine. I swear I must've been a kitten in another life or something. I find it comforting and relaxing and an act of affection. My best male friend is another body contact junkie so I often sit and stroke his hair or give him a scalp massage or practice my braiding. I wouldn't do that to just anyone though. :)

All in all, the intention of the touch is the most important thing and I think most people don't realize how intimate it feels because it's just hair to them. As long as it doesn't hurt me or they are rude or creepy (like some of these stories) and they're not manically stroking it, I just think that maybe I made their day a little happier.. I think that's worth an extra hair wash.

Woods Nymph
February 7th, 2012, 04:23 PM
DBF & I went to a bar with some friends a few weeks ago & some guy thought I would appreciate it if he molested my hair. :justy: A)I was with my (fairly large & scary) boyfriend; leave me the heck alone & B) that is not the way to get me to dance with you, you creeper. :disgust:
I wish people would just ask before they go touching my hair. The worst thing that can happen is I'll say no, & they will (presumably) walk away. I don't get it!

veganstein
February 7th, 2012, 04:50 PM
I wear my hip length hair in one thick English braid at work. A lot of people think it's "cute" to tug on my braid. I hate it, but I can't come up with a way to tell them to stop without hurt feelings.

Moonlake
February 7th, 2012, 06:16 PM
**********

BranwenWolf
February 7th, 2012, 06:28 PM
I hate it. Only my family, boyfriend, and close friends get to touch my hair, or unless I asked for it.
It's not quite such a problem since I went to above waist from classic, but I still consider it horribly rude and a huge violation of space.

Veganstein- I think a simple "please don't touch my hair" in a gentle tone shouldn't rile too many people.

RE: Why don't you just wear your hair up....it's a good idea in theory but why should my choice of hairstyle have to revolve around some other twit's wandering hands?

Miss Catrina
February 7th, 2012, 07:25 PM
I love the feeling of people touching my hair, I probably wouldn't mind as long as they didn't startle/tug :p

elfgirl
February 7th, 2012, 07:33 PM
I wear my hair up in some sort of bun for the majority of the time when I'm out in public, and that helps a lot of the touching issues. On the rare occasions that I wear it down however, occasionally someone will come up and touch it, or run their fingers through it (ugh) which will most often result in me saying "Please do not touch my hair" in a firm, but gentle voice.

@Moonlake: I like the idea of a personalised Ficcare clip with that particular statement on it! ^_^

Torrin Paige
February 7th, 2012, 07:47 PM
My hair gets touched a lot. Since my personal space bubble is pretty much non-existent, it doesn't bother me. I try to remember that other people have rather large personal space bubbles and act accordingly. Being a touchy feely person is sometimes hard, because when I see something that looks pretty and silky, I want to see if it feels like it looks. (I am a crazy person in a fabric store. I have to touch it all. LOL.) Since joining the LHC I have tried to be very careful to not just reach out and touch people - but I confess that I still have to rub the heads of bald men - seriously it's a compulsion and as of yet, not a single one has minded, thank goodness. I usually do a good job, but I did once encounter a very large man with the thickest ponytail I've ever seen in real life and I squeezed it without even thinking about it. I was just so stunned at how pretty and thick it was. I didn't yank or anything, just a squeeze. :) He was a good sport about it when I apologized and offered up my own braid for a squeeze. And then we got to talking about long hair and yadda yadda.

What I'm trying to say is that it doesn't bother me when people reach out and touch my hair. They do usually ask first, but not always, and since I understand the compulsion, I cut them a break. However, yanking or pulling? I tend to smack first. I don't like pain and tend to react with the same.

mleung
February 7th, 2012, 11:02 PM
However, yanking or pulling? I tend to smack first. I don't like pain and tend to react with the same.

this reminds of a story my mom told me when she was in elementary school: all the kids were standing in line when someone pulled her hair. she ignored it the first time, but after another tug, this time a really solid yank, she whipped around with her hand out & smacked the person behind her so hard, she left a very distinct palm print. so hair pullers beware! you never know how violent a person can get when their hair is pulled.

i'm only between APL & BSL now, so i can't wait until my hair is long enough for people to want to touch it. :)


p.s. torrin paige: i <3 your youtube vids!!!

BritHair
February 8th, 2012, 06:46 AM
Sometimes I have my hair down when I arrive at work and while I am at the nurses station I am guaranteed one of the girls will come over and gently stroke my hair and comment on its softness. I do not mind if they touch my hair or start to braid it. I love my hair played with and I trust my team at work. They do not see it down very often and there are only two of us with long hair on the unit.

I have had strangers ask to touch my hair while out shopping. Usually little old dears, I do not have a problem with it. If it brings someone else a little joy or a smile then what the hay....as long as they ask first ;)

PsycheOrigami
February 8th, 2012, 07:03 AM
My hair, when I'm out, is always up. Not just pulled back, but up, compressed into a bun, and secured as discreetly as possible. I dislike people touching me or my hair, for a variety of personal/medical reasons. The only person who sees it down is my boyfriend, and to be completely honest he wouldn't be allowed to touch it either if he wasn't good at scalp massages.

I've had his relatives try to unscrew spin pins or stop me to grab and stare at jewelry, and that has mostly stopped since I tend to jerk away from people when I'm startled/flustered. I don't do it to be rude, I'm just unused to physical contact that occurs without my prior consent.

whitebengal
March 16th, 2012, 02:45 PM
My hair is usually in one English braid when im out and about. Many people touch it without asking first. It gets on my nerves because i have no clue what they were just touching earlier! It gives me chills just thinking about itshudder:. Some people like to come up and give my braid a hard yank! Then i'll tell them to not do that ever again because it gives me horrible headaches. they smile and nod like they understand, but the next time i see them it happens all over again :(. Sometimes i have to get violent by smacking their hands. It doesnt seem to stop some people :rolleyes:. I dont mind them touching or petting my hair (if they ask) but i hate the yanking! Have any suggestions? I'd love to hear them!

TooShort
March 16th, 2012, 02:55 PM
Ya.. not big into people touching my hair either. When it was long people wanted to touch it a lot. There is something to be said for healthy shiney hair. I admire it... but why do you have to touch it? Mom always said, "look with your eyes not your hands."... The only person who touches it is the boyfriend and if I have gone out of my way to style it... forget it.. leave it alone..

Veviticus
March 16th, 2012, 04:24 PM
Well.... some so-called friend ROUGHLY raked her hands through my locks asking "How you get yo hair like THAT?":angry:
And honey, honey...when I finished raking my hands through her stringy, greasy perm (before she could react and knock my hand away)...for that split second, I MADE it my goal in life to make sure that her joint was jacked UP!! I then asked her, "how did you get YOUR hair like THAT?? :ohmy:
Her stringy strands stood up all over her head every which way, like it was hailing for a taxi.
And the BEST part about this is that after her hands left my hair, my locks fell right back in place.

Now some people will think twice.

darklyndsea
March 16th, 2012, 04:30 PM
My hair is usually in one English braid when im out and about. Many people touch it without asking first. It gets on my nerves because i have no clue what they were just touching earlier! It gives me chills just thinking about itshudder:. Some people like to come up and give my braid a hard yank! Then i'll tell them to not do that ever again because it gives me horrible headaches. they smile and nod like they understand, but the next time i see them it happens all over again :(. Sometimes i have to get violent by smacking their hands. It doesnt seem to stop some people :rolleyes:. I dont mind them touching or petting my hair (if they ask) but i hate the yanking! Have any suggestions? I'd love to hear them!
Do they have hair that's long enough for you to yank?

Otherwise, I'd personally go for escalation: not just slap their hands away, but hit them harder every time they do it, and not in a way that they can mistake as a joke, and if they keep doing it start grabbing objects to hit them with. But I'd really only do that with people I'm friends/family with, and I'm kind of a violent person, so it might not be something you want to do.

Less violent suggestion: start bunning your hair, if that's something you're able and willing to do. They can't pull it if it's all the way up, right?

BBdck1
March 17th, 2012, 06:07 AM
Before LHC I never would have imagined that strangers will actually touch others people's hair (with and espcially without permission). It was unheard of such an invasion of privacy. Me and no one I know would ever do that! Maybe it depend on wear you live? I usually live in the metro areas and people normally keep to themselves.

QMacrocarpa
March 17th, 2012, 05:53 PM
Her stringy strands stood up all over her head every which way, like it was hailing for a taxi.
This made me laugh!

whitebengal, other than bunning your hair, which maybe you prefer not to do, would it help to wear a side braid that you could keep over your shoulder, in front of you? I don't know, no one yanks my hair (not since my mother stopped combing it!;)), and I can't really imagine it.

whitedove
March 17th, 2012, 06:39 PM
"look with your eyes not your hands."... thats something I was taught and something everyone could say to the random people who touch your hair. Its simple manners to ask before touching.

Only 1 person touches my hair without permission and thats my dad. His hands always have to tug my braid, pull on hairstick or yank a curl when drying.... and yes I always yell at him :D

whitebengal
March 22nd, 2012, 11:26 AM
QMacrocarpa: I will most definitely try the side braid:D! Thanks!:cheese:


Darklyndsea: Sadly my hair refuses to be bunned :( but i love the idea of throwing things at them :D! Thanks!