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PurpleAshes
January 24th, 2012, 02:30 PM
I was looking for someone to share this with, and then BAM! I remembered LHC is the perfect place.

I am a member of a facebook group called Go Natural Caribe, which basically promotes natural hair and embracing of the curls in a country where, while basically EVERYONE have curly/kinky hair, very few dare to wear it natural.

The group admin shared a picture about a hairdo where she had an afro, and I commented saying that my hair was way longer, but I was planning on doing a modification to said hair-do and wear it myself.

Now, as some of you may know, facebook lets all your friends (unless you set your privacy options differently) know about your likes and comments.

So, suddenly, in the picture from the girl, I see this comment from DBFs mom:

-PurpleAshes, I liked a lot the way you wore your hair when I met you (straightened), I wish someday you'll style it like that and that you upload a picture, so you see how eveyone will tell you how pretty you look like that.

to which I replied:

- I also look pretty with (and appreciate more) my natural hair, Mrs. X. Straight hair, is unfortunately (and happily for me) not coming back :)

Sooo this is my first comeback ever! I'm usually too stunned to say much. I hope I made my point without being rude, that was my intention.

Also, can you see the GIGANTIC irony?!

holomi
January 24th, 2012, 02:36 PM
I just think that she was probably stating her opinion, even though it is very ironic.

It's okay, you did well. You reminded her of your opinion which trumps hers, without being rude. I don't really think she was trying to be rude here either.

Have a nice day! I love your curls!

PurpleAshes
January 24th, 2012, 02:39 PM
Yeah, I know she wasn't trying to be rude, still it bothers me that attitude of "everyone will see how pretty you look".. you know what I mean? Now I'm actually feeling a bit bad about responding that :/

mzBANGBANG
January 24th, 2012, 02:48 PM
We need to "correct" people when they tell us they wished we looked a certain way. If we keep doing this, then perhaps we can force natural back into mainstream? :)

My boyfriend strongly prefers my hair to be wavy and bleach blond, rather than straight and natural blond. I compromised... he gets braid waves, but my color is for me. I only compromise because I basically get control over how he does his hair (mainly because he doesn't care at all) but the fact that I choose allows me to give him some say over mine. Seems fair to me.

spidermom
January 24th, 2012, 02:51 PM
I think you did well. She's entitled to her opinion, but so are you.

PurpleAshes
January 24th, 2012, 02:55 PM
mzBANGBANG, I definitely agree with you! It's like, what the funk? I don't go around telling people what they should do/wear or how the should look!

The compromise with your boyfriend sounds easy and reasonable. I don't really have to make any with DBF, as he is very respectful of whatever I decide to do with myself. And I, on the other hand, LOOOVE long hair on man, and he happens to do so too! So he has it very long, and his compromise is trying to keep it healthy for me ( he's not much of a fan of taking care of it :D).

His mom has a history of not accepting unconventional hair, though. When he was growing it for the 2nd time, she cut his ponytail without his permission :/

mzBANGBANG
January 24th, 2012, 03:01 PM
The compromise with your boyfriend sounds easy and reasonable. I don't really have to make any with DBF, as he is very respectful of whatever I decide to do with myself. And I, on the other hand, LOOOVE long hair on man, and he happens to do so too! So he has it very long, and his compromise is trying to keep it healthy for me ( he's not much of a fan of taking care of it :D).

I don't want to act as if he forces it on me, but I know he goes wild over my hair when it's got some volume to it! It helps that I happen to like it, too. :) My DBF used to have hair down to his bum and then cut it for a suit job, but since I've started paying more attention to mine... well, it kind of carried over to his hair, too. I always tell him "2 more months and your hair will be laying flat on it's own!" and I think he pretends to care, haha. He does state that he misses his long hair, I just do enough caring for both of us. As I should, considering I am his personal barber!

Of the Fae
January 24th, 2012, 03:02 PM
I agree PurpleAshes, sticking to your natural hair and being proud of it is awesome! You shouldn't let society or anyone tell you how to wear it. This goes with length, texture, colour, everything.
I saw this documentary a while ago btw about natural afro hair not being accepted as a proper hairstyle in western society and it really apalled me. I didn't know this was also the case in the Caribeans? Indeed, where most people have curly hair?

ericthegreat
January 24th, 2012, 03:07 PM
I was looking for someone to share this with, and then BAM! I remembered LHC is the perfect place.

I am a member of a facebook group called Go Natural Caribe, which basically promotes natural hair and embracing of the curls in a country where, while basically EVERYONE have curly/kinky hair, very few dare to wear it natural.

The group admin shared a picture about a hairdo where she had an afro, and I commented saying that my hair was way longer, but I was planning on doing a modification to said hair-do and wear it myself.

Now, as some of you may know, facebook lets all your friends (unless you set your privacy options differently) know about your likes and comments.

So, suddenly, in the picture from the girl, I see this comment from DBFs mom:

-PurpleAshes, I liked a lot the way you wore your hair when I met you (straightened), I wish someday you'll style it like that and that you upload a picture, so you see how eveyone will tell you how pretty you look like that.

to which I replied:

- I also look pretty with (and appreciate more) my natural hair, Mrs. X. Straight hair, is unfortunately (and happily for me) not coming back :)

Sooo this is my first comeback ever! I'm usually too stunned to say much. I hope I made my point without being rude, that was my intention.

Also, can you see the GIGANTIC irony?!

Hell yeah girlfriend! :thumbsup:

Good for you that you stood up for yourself. I'm proud of you.


As for the previous poster who believes that her DBF's mother was not being rude, I completely disagree. She was totally being rude and dismissive. "Oh, you would look so pretty if you would straighten you hair." :rolleyes:

So she isn't pretty with her natural, curly hair? She can only be deemed beautiful if she does something totally unnatural and obviously very damaging to her hair? :rolleyes:

PurpleAshes, you look beautiful because you are a beautiful woman, period. :)

manderly
January 24th, 2012, 03:10 PM
I've found people's attitudes towards curls in general to be....weird.

I walk out of the house with my curls all fluffy, makeup done, and a decent outfit, and one of our employees comments that I look like I just crawled outta bed...I didn't get that comment the day before when I came out with my hair in a bun, unwashed face, sweatpants and fuzzy slippers :nuts:

When I was a teenager, I heard my mom tell my all the time "you had such pretty curls, why won't you make your hair curly?", now that I've rediscovered them, my parents tell me how nice my hair looked when I blew it out (or the occasional flat iron). It's just so......weird. And when I mention it to them, they agree that it is weird, but don't understand why they say things like that. :silly:

PurpleAshes
January 24th, 2012, 03:13 PM
mzBANGBANG, the extra attention feels very nice! I think it's perfectly ok to do these little changes for a SO, if it doesn't against something we particularly stand for.

I'm sorry about your BF's hair, I would have been devastated! It's very funny that he doesnt care for it, DBF is just like that xD And I bet your BFs hair was awesome too. I see a tendency of guys not caring about their long hair, yet their hair being ridiculously beautiful. I'm DBFs personal stylist too :D

Of the fae, I can't talk about the caribbean in general.. I know that in Barbados (or Jamaica, not sure) they really love their natural tresses, since an admin from another Curl Group went to that country and told her experience.

However, the Dominican Republic is the total opposite. Here, about 90% of people wear their hair straightened. The dominican culture considers european physical attributes better and more beautiful, and they do all they can to achieve it. Curls are not widely appreciated, nor afros. Add that to the fact that people are very vocal and have little inhibitions to say whatever cross their minds, and that results in a lot of Natural hair bashing :/

Aliped
January 24th, 2012, 03:18 PM
Hell yeah girlfriend! :thumbsup:

Good for you that you stood up for yourself. I'm proud of you.


As for the previous poster who believes that her DBF's mother was not being rude, I completely disagree. She was totally being rude and dismissive. "Oh, you would look so pretty if you would straighten you hair." :rolleyes:

So she isn't pretty with her natural, curly hair? She can only be deemed beautiful if she does something totally unnatural and obviously very damaging to her hair? :rolleyes:

PurpleAshes, you look beautiful because you are a beautiful woman, period. :)

Well said Eric! :)

PurpleAshes
January 24th, 2012, 03:23 PM
ericthegreat, EXACTLY! I know she wasn't meaning to be rude, but the passive-agressive attitude definitely was! You understood EXACTLY what I meant :) Thanks so much for the compliment, you're a beautiful person too!

manderly, it is indeed the weirdest of attitudes :S I do understand that when hair (curly or straight) is not cared for, it WILL look unkempt. But come on, if you give it the proper care, there's no way people can say you look like you rolled out of bed... yet they do!

The attitude towards curls is so sad :( Straight hair is beautiful cause it shines more and lays down. Curly hair is beautiful because it makes shapes, bounces and has so many varieties! The fact that curly hair doesn't lay perfectly down or shine as much doesn't mean it's not gorgeous!

But, when someone gives you a nice compliment, the world seems to make a little bit more sense, doesn't it? I'm sure you've had one of those great compliments :)

Creatureling
January 24th, 2012, 03:34 PM
What a rude comment! I can't imagine implying that someone's natural appearance is anything less than gorgeous. I think your response was perfect.

Anywhere
January 24th, 2012, 03:41 PM
You didn't sound rude at all.

My mom always tells me I should straighten my hair because I look pretty with it straight/argues in a way that makes it sound like she thinks I'm ugly when it isn't straight.

I get offended and tell her "no, I like it like this. I do what I want."


It's a shame people seem to think we look like crap when we happen to like how we look. :rolleyes:

The thing is, I think people are too used to "curly" hair being that sleek, flawless, large loose thing from a curling iron. So natural curls look less than ideal to them.

Amber_Maiden
January 24th, 2012, 03:45 PM
Good for you! Glad you said something!!! HIGH FIVE!

dementedkitten
January 24th, 2012, 03:46 PM
Her comment is something my mother would (and did/and will continue to) say about my own hair when I wear it natural (wavy/curly rather than straightened).. I congratulate you on your Comeback :)

SwordWomanRiona
January 24th, 2012, 03:57 PM
Well done!! :) I hate that kind of comments, they're so rude and thoughtless, and you would think they have the right to tell you how your hair/body should look. It's outrageous, and your response was great.
Curiously enough, I sometimes get the opposite. My hair's pretty much the straightest you can go, and some people have called it "lank" and "boring". Honestly, these people should really mind their own business.

vanity_acefake
January 24th, 2012, 03:59 PM
Good for you. It's empowering to stand up for yourself, especially politely.
If you are going all natural have you seen the urban bush babes web site and YouTube Chanel? They are amazing woman with fantastic all natural 3c hair.
:)

Maktub
January 24th, 2012, 04:10 PM
Well done ! I can't belive people sometimes !

My grand mother decided to grow her hair out (she often tried but never got over the "ackward stage" and usually cut it back). She now has big white natural curls to her shoulders, and it looks quite good ! Most important, SHE likes it !

Well many people in the familly (brothers and wifes of her brothers) keep commenting "you should cut your hair !" "it makes you look older !" "I hate it !" "it's ugly!" even one tolds my mom (her daughter) - in her face - that "she should cut her hair back like yours"
Of course, they have the damaged reddish dye very short chemical curls and very thin hair that goes with so mch chemicals weekly on a scalp...

What the heck ?

Can't we let people decide what they like for themselves and stop judging how other women look ? pffft.


Again, good for you for your response !

jacqueline101
January 24th, 2012, 04:20 PM
I don't know why people have to alter people. We are here to learn and share our experiences with hair care and to make ourselves the best we can. We share opinions and advice not hatred. That's the difference. People can express themselves with out cruelty.

C.H.
January 24th, 2012, 04:24 PM
Purpleashes, something similar happened to me recently. On my first date with a guy he was admiring the length of my hair (which had some 2cish texture at the time, but was not fully straightened) and he said, "I bet it would look so pretty if you straightened it!" To which he got raised eyebrows and an excuse me, I think my hair looks great as it is!

I had no idea that I had become such a champion of embracing natural hair textures, cause I absolutely took it as a slight (though obviously unintended) and responded without even thinking. As a curly people are always letting you know that your hair looks better/best straightened, which is fine, whatever--but not something I wanted to hear from a man I'm dating. You don't have to be a jerk, but I think it behooves us to gently challenge the prevailing notion that one particular texture is better than all others.

PrairieRose
January 24th, 2012, 06:10 PM
Good job! I think you did great too. You took your stand for something you believe in and I don't think you were rude at all! :)

dwell_in_safety
January 24th, 2012, 07:12 PM
Good on you for standing up for yourself (and natural hair!) without being rude about it. :)

I've found myself always telling people, now, that they look better with their natural texture. lol

Kyla
January 24th, 2012, 07:17 PM
Awesome! :) I personally LOVE the look of very curly, natural hair.

I think your comeback was very appropriate for her comment; it's wasn't rude, but it clearly stated your stance on the matter.

Vanille_
January 24th, 2012, 07:24 PM
You go girl! Way to tell her! It's very sad times when we are told we are only beautiful when we do harsh modification to ourselves. More girls need role models like you (and many of us here) who aren't afraid to say, "Love what you were born with!"

SwordWomanRiona
January 25th, 2012, 05:19 AM
Hell yeah girlfriend! :thumbsup:

Good for you that you stood up for yourself. I'm proud of you.


As for the previous poster who believes that her DBF's mother was not being rude, I completely disagree. She was totally being rude and dismissive. "Oh, you would look so pretty if you would straighten you hair." :rolleyes:

So she isn't pretty with her natural, curly hair? She can only be deemed beautiful if she does something totally unnatural and obviously very damaging to her hair? :rolleyes:

PurpleAshes, you look beautiful because you are a beautiful woman, period. :)

:applauseWell said, Eric!! I love your response. I'd 'like' it if I could :)

SwordWomanRiona
January 25th, 2012, 05:21 AM
You go girl! Way to tell her! It's very sad times when we are told we are only beautiful when we do harsh modification to ourselves. More girls need role models like you (and many of us here) who aren't afraid to say, "Love what you were born with!"


:applause too!!

Tota
January 25th, 2012, 05:45 AM
I think this was very rude because everyone could see her comment. I think it would be quite different if she would tell you her opinion in private, but writing it on facebook, where everyone can see that she disapproves your hair like it's really anyone elses bussiness than yours ... oh well, it's the only right thing to stand up for yourself!

PurpleAshes
January 28th, 2012, 06:06 PM
My mom always tells me I should straighten my hair because I look pretty with it straight/argues in a way that makes it sound like she thinks I'm ugly when it isn't straight.

I get offended and tell her "no, I like it like this. I do what I want."


It's a shame people seem to think we look like crap when we happen to like how we look. :rolleyes:

The thing is, I think people are too used to "curly" hair being that sleek, flawless, large loose thing from a curling iron. So natural curls look less than ideal to them.

Yes, people expect curls to look naturally like that. That's what I was talking about, that people want to evaluate curly hair's beauty by straight hair standards. Doesn't make any sense. Also, I'm glad you don't cave in to your mom. Those kind of comments are so unnecessary and rude :/


Good for you. It's empowering to stand up for yourself, especially politely.
If you are going all natural have you seen the urban bush babes web site and YouTube Chanel? They are amazing woman with fantastic all natural 3c hair.
:)

I just checked it out, it's really cool! I love that round bun they do, thanks!


Well done ! I can't belive people sometimes !

My grand mother decided to grow her hair out (she often tried but never got over the "ackward stage" and usually cut it back). She now has big white natural curls to her shoulders, and it looks quite good ! Most important, SHE likes it !

Well many people in the familly (brothers and wifes of her brothers) keep commenting "you should cut your hair !" "it makes you look older !" "I hate it !" "it's ugly!" even one tolds my mom (her daughter) - in her face - that "she should cut her hair back like yours"
Of course, they have the damaged reddish dye very short chemical curls and very thin hair that goes with so mch chemicals weekly on a scalp...

What the heck ?

Can't we let people decide what they like for themselves and stop judging how other women look ? pffft.


Again, good for you for your response !

Curly gray hair is my absolute DREAM <33 Too bad for your family if they can't appreciate such beauty :(


Purpleashes, something similar happened to me recently. On my first date with a guy he was admiring the length of my hair (which had some 2cish texture at the time, but was not fully straightened) and he said, "I bet it would look so pretty if you straightened it!" To which he got raised eyebrows and an excuse me, I think my hair looks great as it is!

I had no idea that I had become such a champion of embracing natural hair textures, cause I absolutely took it as a slight (though obviously unintended) and responded without even thinking. As a curly people are always letting you know that your hair looks better/best straightened, which is fine, whatever--but not something I wanted to hear from a man I'm dating. You don't have to be a jerk, but I think it behooves us to gently challenge the prevailing notion that one particular texture is better than all others.

That guy must be blind, your hair is one of the most beautiful I've seen. That would've been an instant turn off for me too.


You go girl! Way to tell her! It's very sad times when we are told we are only beautiful when we do harsh modification to ourselves. More girls need role models like you (and many of us here) who aren't afraid to say, "Love what you were born with!"

Thank you for calling me a role model, I;ve never seen it like that :D But I actually wish to be so, I really want little girls to grow up loving what they have naturally. Over here, most girls are taught that their hair is bad or ugly and needs to be fixed :(


I think this was very rude because everyone could see her comment. I think it would be quite different if she would tell you her opinion in private, but writing it on facebook, where everyone can see that she disapproves your hair like it's really anyone elses bussiness than yours ... oh well, it's the only right thing to stand up for yourself!

I agree, I think it's as if she wanted someone to tell her she's right.. Chose a bad place for that xD

sfgirl
January 28th, 2012, 08:39 PM
I've always had problems with straight hair, or slightly wavy. People always would say for a formal event, or going out on the town, "why don't you curl your hair!? You'd look so cute!!!" Personally, I think most heat induced girls look really forced. Besides that, I already look younger than I am, and curls make me look a doll when I'm also going out wearing fake eyelashes and lipstick.
I think natural hair texture is always more sexier. ALWAYS. If you have natural curls, than you have an advantage because girl with straight or curly hair just have trouble getting that effortless, beautiful look. If I could choose though, I would have a mass of curly hair. :)

Hollyfire3
January 28th, 2012, 08:43 PM
Heck yes, good job!!! I say that the comeback you came up with was both not rude and good for you to say. I agree that the person has a right to their opinion, but it is YOUR hair. I comend you for standing up for yourself, it is not always easy to do.

chou
January 28th, 2012, 10:03 PM
Good for you!! I don't think you were too harsh at all. She was being intentionally rude and she knew exactly how her comment would make you feel, which is why she said it.

Living in a time when flat irons are so common, many people are confused about curly hair, its care, and how awesome it is in its natural state. My hair only has s-waves (that are nonetheless stubborn and very resistant to any kind of straightening) but when some people see me who are only used to my old, layered, flat lying pixie cut, they say things like, "Oh, your hair's so big and curly now..." As if any hair that's not fried into straightness is unacceptably unruly.

I think your curls are stunning and clearly well cared for and I think everyone who wants to embrace their natural hair, whatever it may be, owes a lot to the naturally curly-hairs out there who have really paved the way for this recently.