Starting to hate my hair :-(

[FroggyMonkeyMom]

I'm really starting to hate my hair. I get that "I'm gonna chop it all off" feeling every once in a while but lately it's really getting to me. It's EVERYWHERE. I shed so much I wonder why I'm not bald already. Stress and thyroid issues. It tangles so easily now, never this bad before. Except for a short time between 2007 and 2010 I have had the same straight long hair and I am getting bored with it. The only thing i can do with it it is put it in a bun (and i wonder while it's still all over the house in everything) even a braid gets horribly tangled with i take it down. Maybe it's mid life crises or something but I want a change. But the last time I cut it (2008) I was devastated and depressed for months....I think I'm STILL depressed over that. Any suggestions on how or what to do to get passed this?

[ravenreed]

I feel your frustration. I also shed a lot and have lost a lot of my thickness. My suggestions are to buy a new hair toy to make your bun feel less boring or try some new styles that will make you fall in love with your hair again. As for the tangling, have you trimmed recently? A small trim can make all the difference with renewing the ends.

[MonaLisa]

I think I know how you feel. I've felt that during seasonal shedding and I really almost chopped it to APL.....Now I would be hating myself. I love my hair so much!
Hmm...you must be feeling even worse, if shedding lasts longer. I think the key is to fix the shedding somehow. I have no experience with thyroid problems, wish I could be more helpful.
I'm sure it's just a phase though. You hair is so pretty!

[UP Lisa]

Your hair is beautiful. I would hate to see you cut it. Maybe you could make a smaller change like cutting bangs.

I am also very frustrated with how easily my hair tangles. It;s been this way my whole life, but it seems even worse now.

I'm not very good at making different styles, but it helps to watch videos. Have you tried that?

Lisa


quote=FroggyMonkeyMom;1955236]I'm really starting to hate my hair. I get that "I'm gonna chop it all off" feeling every once in a while but lately it's really getting to me. It's EVERYWHERE. I shed so much I wonder why I'm not bald already. Stress and thyroid issues. It tangles so easily now, never this bad before. Except for a short time between 2007 and 2010 I have had the same straight long hair and I am getting bored with it. The only thing i can do with it it is put it in a bun (and i wonder while it's still all over the house in everything) even a braid gets horribly tangled with i take it down. Maybe it's mid life crises or something but I want a change. But the last time I cut it (2008) I was devastated and depressed for months....I think I'm STILL depressed over that. Any suggestions on how or what to do to get passed this?[/quote]

[MissAlida]

Try medication, or an anti-shed shampoo from the pharmacy. Also, benign neglect helps alot...just throw your hair up, and forget about it. Make a deep treatment once in a while. That will make your hair feel better. Don't cut it, you have such beautiful hair.I'm fighting the crazy shed aswell. You are not alon, but we musn't give up. Good luck.:)

[FroggyMonkeyMom]

How will trimming help tangling? It usually tangles near my head. Well, I haven't cut anything in over three years. I don't have split or damaged ends so I never thought to do it. I am considering getting some layers. But not sure what that would do to a braid or a bun :-/?

[CSallaround]

Do you want to trade for APL for a few weeks? ;)

First of all I want to say that your hair is beautiful.
I guess it's normal to feel like just chopping it all off once in a while. I think we all get that feeling sometimes. Even though my hair is not nearly as long as yours I felt the same way about a month ago. I was annoyed because I shed and sometimes I couldn't fall asleep because I felt like my hair was in the way no matter how I was lying. (esp when I was sleeping with it loose, but still when in a braid) How do you wear your hair in the night btw?

I still feel like chopping off my hair once in a while, but it helps me a lot to be able to go to LHC and look at all you beautiful long-haired ladies :)

About what you can do I don't know what else to say than hold on and try to remember why you wanted your hair long - and hold on to that thought.
I wish you the best :)

[spidermom]

A small change like face-framing fringe might help, also a trim. I don't understand why it works either because when I do S&D, I find most of the damage is more in my length rather than on the longest ends. Still, even a 1/2 inch trim will often improve issues with tangling.

[Hamh]

Try to keep smiling, your hair is gorgeous! Stress is going to add to you shedding so breathe :)

Have you tried mineral oil (baby oil) on your ends when damp after washing? This tip from Ktani has helped me beyond belief and a few others recently. Seriously I felt as fed up with my hair as you do and was ready to make an appointment to cut a lot off and now I absolutely love my hair again with no trims!! It has left my hair soft, shiny and no tangles so could be just what you need!!

[xoxophelia]

You could cut your hair back to a slightly more manageable length like TB? Definitely do what will make you happy. If you have your heart set on extreme length definitely do that and maybe try out some different sorts of updos to spice things up. But if you just want long hair and really need a break from it, classic length or TB wouldn't be bad options.

[LaurelSpring]

I just went through a phase like that. Im still having a few cutting thoughts now and then but not like a month ago. I looked at Cinnamon Hairs site and similar sites to get inspired. I also learned a couple of different updos because I was so bored with my usual ones. Some cute braided ones were nice. That helped alot.

I realized that I sometimes get like this right before I have a new hair length breakthrough so I really want to push through this.

I was having some intense shedding also. I had run out of my hair skin and nail vitamins and kept forgetting to get more. Also I had been using really hot water in the shower so I didnt know if the problem was seasonal, due to lack of vitamins or perhaps hot water related.

My plan was to go back to washing in the sink and using cooler water, stocking up on vitamins and doing some castor oil soaks. I also gave up sls again and I started using a half envelope of knox at bedtime dissolved in some juice. I am happy to say that the shedding has diminished but I dont know exactly which of the things is helping the most.

Here is also a shock method that made me stop the cutting. I actually held the scissors and combed down and held the hair to be cut. I looked down at it (several inches between my fingers) and I just couldnt do it. I had even tied it off and held the tied off part up in the back to see what it would look like shorter like that and I was like...no way!! I know this sounds really weird but it was like killing something and I couldnt do it. The thought of seeing that hair laying all dead and disconnected on the floor was just too traumatic.

[Vanille_]

Do you try new maintenance routines?

[heidi w.]

Do you even WANT long hair?


I'm going to assume you do.

Are you wearing it up most of the time?
Do you detangle at least once a day?

You might consider finding a detangling spray or product. That might reduce your frustration a bit.

When you take a braid out, do you take it out in reverse order it was braided in, from the bottom up? I hope so or you're building a rats nest of incredible frustration. You can use a detangling wide-toothed comb along the de-braiding process, from the bottom up.

For the thyroid issue and hair loss, are you on medicine? IF not, and you have a diagnosis, you should be. You may need a checkup again to determine the needed medicine or dosage. Hair does re-grow once all the thyroid is taken care of once and for all.

Remember if you cut it, it's a permanent decision. You can't take it back.

I hope you're wearing it up most of the time, though. That's your biggest benefit for keeping it tangle-free.

heidi w.

[long&blonde]

OMG your hair is beautiful!
Please don't cut,
Unless of course you do the 2 week rule and really want to.
You are not here to decorate our worlds.
You have what I call "Goddess" hair.
My original long hair inspiration was a middle aged lady long ago who had hair just like yours,but CL. She entered the salon a Goddess.
I was amazed, natural brown hair, no makeup, glasses on, the length & texture of her hair made her a living goddess. She got a salon cut, above her shoulders. She entered the salon a Goddess.
She left transformed into a lady of about 52, brown hair,glasses. Blouse & slacks.
I too get way tired of my hair at times.
But the dedication it takes to grow really long hair: you don't see that every day, everywhere.
I know what it is to deal with, hair everywhere.
But then I will look at it down, freshly washed, or down after a rainstorm.
And I'll think very long hair is such a true thing of natural beauty.
Like a specially pretty sunset.

[long&blonde]

OMG your hair is beautiful!
Please don't cut,
Unless of course you do the 2 week rule and really want to.
You are not here to decorate our worlds.
You have what I call "Goddess" hair.
My original long hair inspiration was a middle aged lady long ago who had hair just like yours,but CL. She entered the salon a Goddess.
I was amazed, natural brown hair, no makeup, glasses on, the length & texture of her hair made her a living goddess. She got a salon cut, above her shoulders. She entered the salon a Goddess.
She left transformed into a lady of about 52, brown hair,glasses. Blouse & slacks.
I too get way tired of my hair at times.
But the dedication it takes to grow really long hair: you don't see that every day, everywhere.
I know what it is to deal with, hair everywhere.
But then I will look at it down, freshly washed, or down after a rainstorm.
And I'll think very long hair is such a true thing of natural beauty.
Like a specially pretty sunset.

[heidi w.]

Here is also a shock method that made me stop the cutting. I actually held the scissors and combed down and held the hair to be cut. I looked down at it (several inches between my fingers) and I just couldnt do it. I had even tied it off and held the tied off part up in the back to see what it would look like shorter like that and I was like...no way!! I know this sounds really weird but it was like killing something and I couldnt do it. The thought of seeing that hair laying all dead and disconnected on the floor was just too traumatic.

If I were to ever decide to cut my hair, I would NOT allow my hair to be cut and just drop on the floor to be swept up and put in the garbage, or taken and contributed somewhere by someone other than me.

I would elect to have a "ceremony" of sorts, as it would be a HUGE decision for me. And I would respect the process. Nothing would hit the floor. That alone is disrespectful to me, disrespectful of all the time and care I gave to this project.

heidi w.

[jeanniet]

I understand your frustration with the tangles because my hair also tangles easily and it can get pretty tiresome--at times when I'm trying to detangle slowly and carefully I can totally see why I used to just rip through my hair!

Maybe some face-framing layers and a bit of a trim would help? You could cut a couple of inches and it might make a big difference.

[heidi w.]

How will trimming help tangling? It usually tangles near my head. Well, I haven't cut anything in over three years. I don't have split or damaged ends so I never thought to do it. I am considering getting some layers. But not sure what that would do to a braid or a bun :-/?

Based on your signature picture, I would recommend a trim of about one to two inches to even up your hemline, and that could help prevent tangles. I find that if I go too long between trims (I trim around once a year, at best.) my hair just ends up tangling more as all those older ends whirl and twirl around each other and kind of behave badly, and it just makes things a bit easier if I just trim every once in a while.

I also have a conditioner product that also acts a bit as a detangler product, and it works really well. Plus it smells awesome!

Do you sleep on a smooth-fabric'd pillowcase such as polyester or satin or sateen? This helps with some tangle prevention as my hair then slides and glides over the pillow. I still sometimes get back of the neck tangles, but it's not too bad. Your hair isn't quite long enough yet to stay put all night long. Longer it tends to stay put because more length means a tad more weight.

You clearly have nice hair, and in all honesty, I do occasionally think about cutting and thinking my hair is boring.

heidi w.

[heidi w.]

I also find that in former years, my mood, as somewhat established by my menstrual cycle sometimes affected my attitude and my viewpoint. While PMSing I find I would become a complete downer. I didn't even like being around me! LOL. Seriously. What reality felt like during PMS and what it felt like while not PMSing were completely different experiences, and I certainly learned to somewhat not believe the reality I was under while PMSing. Instead, I waited til I wasn't under the influence of a kind of false reality.

I think this is very important. Thankfully, for the most part I'm all done with that and I get to be all me all month long. No more winding up, being on it, recovering from it, and getting over it. What a headache that was. No fun whatsoever. It took me a long time to realize the kind of fake reality that I experienced.

I mean this in the nicest way, but it certainly meant a lot to me to finally get a grip on this sense of a kind of fake reality, even though it felt really real. My interpretation of things changed a lot when I stopped PMSing. I can't emphasize this enough.

heidi w.

[ravenreed]

My hair is really tangly and most of my tangles happen at my nape, so I understand. I remember using marshmallow root once upon a time to try to reduce tangles so I have just ordered some to see if it will improve slip and reduce my tangles. Will report back at some point.

I have layers. They do poke out of braids at the ends so I leave a long tassel. Once I hit TB they stopped poking out of my buns completely. I like the way layers look when my hair is down or in a high pony. I also like the fact that they reduce the overall weight of my hair. I couldn't tolerate updo's if my hair was all one length. I do have to trim fairly often to keep them up as layers start to look a little funny when they grow out.



How will trimming help tangling? It usually tangles near my head. Well, I haven't cut anything in over three years. I don't have split or damaged ends so I never thought to do it. I am considering getting some layers. But not sure what that would do to a braid or a bun :-/?

[dulce]

My guess is you're bored with it? Try some different hair toys eg hair forks,Flexi 8 clips,African butterfly clips etc.That keeps me having fun with my hair doing different styles with different hair toys.

[planetqueenie]

I think we all feel like this every now and then! I also think your hair is beautiful, don't make the decision to cut it off just yet! First of all, yes, a trim, actually even just a 'dusting' of the ends of your hair will affect the entire length of your hair, making it thicker and much more smooth. Have you ever heard of the lunar hair chart? It is a unique chart filled with days that are most beneficial for trimming your hair. You can find it at morroccomethod.com If you don't already, use a seamless comb very gently through your hair, to reduce any breakage. Shedding is natural and we lose about 100 hairs a day, try not to stress about it, and just take care of your hair the best you can. About the thryroid problem, I have read that extra virgin coconut oil, sea vegetables, and eggs are very beneficial, these foods also happen to be very beneficial for your hair and scalp as well:)

[Long_hair_bear]

Like others said, your hair is gorgeous and I don't think you should cut it. I cut mine last February and am still regretting it! Sometimes when I want to cut mine, I remind myself how long it will take to grow back. Sometimes, I look at pics of beautiful long manes online to help myself along too. A new hair toy couldn't hurt either. ;)

[WaitingSoLong]

I am right there with ya and have done my complaining in other threads. I am so close to chopping it off I am in "emergency" hair mode. Here is what I do/have done/may do:

1. Look at pictures of myself when my hair is shorter and remember what it was like ( I have cowlicks that make anything above a certain length annoying/undesirable).

2. The two week rule, IMO, is not long enough but will help in the situation Heidi described (PMS or similar). Once I feel sure I want to do it, I still wait at least a month.

3. Follow the "when in doubt, don't" rule.

4. STOP looking at myself in a mirror. Period. I hate myself in buns. They are so necessary at this stage. Plus I have issues with my demarcation line.

5. Make a list of pros and cons...things I would regret or hate about cutting, things I would like about it.

6. List all my options like: trim a little, layers, fringe, cut to TBL, cut to waist, etc. and decide if I AM going to get scissors, exactly what I will do.

7. If I cut, cut in stages. No more than 6" at a time, then wait a month. This has the added benefit of other people getting used to my hair being shorter, too. I hate comments!

8. Look at myself at my goal length (see the picture I drew as my avatar?)...decide if it is worth it. Also, the good pics of my hair (my sig pic) encourage me to not cut.

9. New hair toys help. New ways to do old styles (decorative pieces, bun covers, I just bought my first Ficcare and found it helps quite a lot. It holds more secure than a stick. Spin pins.)

10. Consider coloring it, even with non-permanent methods.

In the end, it WILL grow back. But like you I have had serious hair regrets before and am so afraid of it again.
I find the more I look at waist length hair, the more I WANT waist length hair, but the more I look at knee length...the more I want that.

As for tangles, clarifying is essential to my tangling issues. I also tangle at the nape. I had a rat in my braid the other day and a rat on my half-up yesterday. I can't do half-ups. Braiding (the process) gives me tangles no matter how careful I am. I feel I lose so much hair when doing elaborate braids I am reluctant to do anything but a normal braid most the time. Protein also helps. Not sure why. Both seem to help my hair lay heavier (not so wispy which fascilitates tangling).

Really, though, for me waist length was SO much easier and seemed to have the benefit of both worlds... it is long hair without being extreme, able to be worn down with less tangles, long enough for updo's when working, etc. I am just struggling with losing a length I feel is luxurious and makes me a bit different than everyone else around here with long hair.

[Quetiepi]

I just got 2" trimmed in December, and it makes a big difference in how your hair behaves. It's not enough length to be noticeable. I don't recommend bangs or layers. Temporary fix, forever to grow back out and awkward to work with in the mean time.
Maybe you should find something to distract you for a while. Read a book or clean out a closet. Gives you time to clear your head & figure things out.
Wait a couple of weeks & see if you feel the same way, and avoid an impulse decision.

[jacqueline101]

I'd try a trim or fringe maybe that will help with your hair hatred. I had hair hatred and got new fringe. The layers like was suggest could help.

[papera]

It would be a pity to cut your hair, it's gorgeous!!!

I echo the trim for 1" or 2", and see how that feels ... face-framing fringe is also a good idea ...

But I'd be careful with layers, they can be very annoying for buns and braids, and I'm not sure if they would help with the tangling. I'm happy that I got rid of mine finally!

Anyway, I'd suggest to trim and face-frame first, then go for layers and/ or cut. In that way you don't cut an awful lot, but you still have a change, and then you can still decide for more drastic measures.

Good luck!!

[ladyshep]

Your hair is beautiful!
I know what you mean by shedding because of thyroid issues. I had a terrible time with that in the past, also. I hung in there and everything resolved itself and now I even have cool new layers because of all the hair loss I had. ( I haven't had a cut in 10 years)

I hope you hang in there and find a solution to your problem. Sometimes it is hard to wait, but it is worth it. You just never know. What kind of shampoo do you use?

[akilina]

If you need a change, start SMALL. You might be happier in the long run. If you do a huge drastic chop you may feel really frustrated for doing that and want your hair back really bad or wish you would never have done it. Maybe cut a few inches off for a nice blunt cut and possibly layer in the very bottom few inches of your hair. I just hope you have a hair dresser you really trust :)

[Skruttiz]

Think long and hard before you cut it off. I did that once myself, to the shoulders.
As soon as I came home I wondered what the ***** have I done???

Have you thought about a colour change?
That worked for me when I was bored once. I had that colour for approx 1 year and then back to my original colour.

[Snippety]

I also find that in former years, my mood, as somewhat established by my menstrual cycle sometimes affected my attitude and my viewpoint. While PMSing I find I would become a complete downer. I didn't even like being around me! LOL. Seriously. What reality felt like during PMS and what it felt like while not PMSing were completely different experiences, and I certainly learned to somewhat not believe the reality I was under while PMSing. Instead, I waited til I wasn't under the influence of a kind of false reality.

I think this is very important. Thankfully, for the most part I'm all done with that and I get to be all me all month long. No more winding up, being on it, recovering from it, and getting over it. What a headache that was. No fun whatsoever. It took me a long time to realize the kind of fake reality that I experienced.

I mean this in the nicest way, but it certainly meant a lot to me to finally get a grip on this sense of a kind of fake reality, even though it felt really real. My interpretation of things changed a lot when I stopped PMSing. I can't emphasize this enough.

heidi w.

I completely agree with Heidi on this, and for me not just pms but hormonal changes caused by the aftermath of pregnancy and my son's gradual ceasing to feed. I have sometimes been completely overwrought about my hair, my weight and general appearance for days. Now I'm looking forward to the menopause ! :D

I can wind myself up into a real state about my hair until I just want to shave it to the bone and throw it in the bin. I was having that kind of crisis when I joined here in October last year. In the summer of 2010 I gave in to it and chopped from well-on-the-way-to-knee back to waist length. A few days later the novelty wore off and I was devastated. I'm still regretting it on the long, slow grow back :(

Give yourself a few weeks, I say and be kind to yourself. See if you're in a more positive place before you act. You are beautiful and your hair is stunning and unique. I don't know how to manage tangles because I am very lucky with them. My hair is very straight and slippy and doesn't tangle up easily. It also means I can't put pins in without them all falling out straight away :) Swings & roundabouts !

[Amber_Maiden]

I'd say a trim is in order- but don't take off more than a small amount! You'll end up regretting a big chop.

[ktani]

I'm really starting to hate my hair. I get that "I'm gonna chop it all off" feeling every once in a while but lately it's really getting to me. It's EVERYWHERE. I shed so much I wonder why I'm not bald already. Stress and thyroid issues. It tangles so easily now, never this bad before. Except for a short time between 2007 and 2010 I have had the same straight long hair and I am getting bored with it. The only thing i can do with it it is put it in a bun (and i wonder while it's still all over the house in everything) even a braid gets horribly tangled with i take it down. Maybe it's mid life crises or something but I want a change. But the last time I cut it (2008) I was devastated and depressed for months....I think I'm STILL depressed over that. Any suggestions on how or what to do to get passed this?

Take one issue at a time. If the shedding is not a medical issue, it may be from extra manipulation and nothing to be concerned about. As my hair got longer, the shed hair looks worse that it is in hairballs.

Style? You can trim back to a length that gives you more versatility without sacrificing too much length.

Condition - there are multiple ways to address that, starting with analyzing your routine to figure out whether you need to clarify or just change products.

I agree that your hair is beautiful. There are solutions to what is depressing you about it.

[WaitingSoLong]

I find the more I look at waist length hair, the more I WANT waist length hair, but the more I look at knee length...the more I want that.

Quoting myself here.
Yesterday I saw a girl with a FTL braid, it was probably close to knee unbraided. She had the same hair type as me as far as could tell oly a darker color.

Yes, I stared and admired from afar.

I found myself thinking "maybe I will grow to knee afterall" and remembered the above statement I made and realized....I think I am wanting to cut back to waist because I hardly ever see anyone with hair longer than mine to envy (except TLHC, of course, but somehow IRL is so much more awe-inspiring). I confess it affected me far more than I would have thought and am now really leaning towards growth again. I hate that I am so easily swayed.

I know some others have collected pictures of hair-inspiration just for this purpose. I have never done that because I think it a bit creepy for myself, personally. LOL. But I can see why. I visit the classic to knee thread once in awhile for this same reason.

I guess I just need to decide WHY I want long hair. At first, back when it was shoulder or shorter, it was definitely for ease of care and being able to "put it up" completely when work called for it. At some point it became a goal oro project to reach a lenth I never had before. Abotu the time I hit that, I found TLHC. I saw all the lovely long locks and wanted MORE. if I am to be honest with myself, I am in sort of a competition. Not with everyone here, but with myself. To still yet reach uncharted territory and experience it, to see how long it CAN grow. To be dedicated and committed to something most people won't be (at least not around here). So there, is sort of IS a competition with others.

At some point I became identified with my hair (to others IRL). Now I am undesiring the comments and flack I will get if I cut back. So what is it...WHO am I growing for and why?

Thanks for letting me ramble. I posted it here because I thought it might help the OP or someone else in decision making.

[starlamelissa]

Read the mineral oil thread! That ought to take care of the tangles. Go to a doc about the thyroid stuff, and trim like 2 inches off the bottom. See if that doesn't help a little.