I thought this was very weird...

[akilina]

So...I'm a hair dresser and a few weeks ago a 13 year old girl and her mom came in.
Her mom basically wanted to chop off all her daughters BEAUTIFUL hair. It was sooo thick and all one blunt length the color was amazing (natural), it was smooth and conditioned, and her hair was just gorgeous it was probably at BSL. She took good care of it.
We decided to go to just above the shoulders with short layers and it made me soo sad...right when we finally started the cut the girl told me that she REALLY REALLY wants to grow her hair out so badly and she wants long hair to her waist and it was just her mom who could not deal with the fact that her daughter had plain hair.

I'm so lame I almost wanted to cry! If that were my daughter I'd let her do whatever she wished with it, especially since she just wanted to grow it long. Ultimately the cut looked so cute and good on her and she was really all good with chopping it. I just felt bad.

I don't know what mom was thinking I guess...was she that vain that she couldn't deal with the fact that her daughter had beautiful hair? I wouldn't want to force my kid into having a hair style especially at a young age when it doesn't matter if you're flat ironing your hair and frying it and back coming it.

Sorry for the essay/ rant. What are your thoughts on this?

[Diamond.Eyes]

Wow, that sounds very cruel to me. I would cry if someone made me cut my long hair now. Not because I'm vain and think I need it or something, but because I put SO MUCH effort and time into making it long and healthy. I think her mother should have let her make that choice. It's kind of funny, because when I wanted to make my hair short and layered in middle school, my mother was totally against it but she let me do it. What a sad story :(.

[Amiblue]

That's crummy. My mom is wonderful, but when people were always commenting on how beautiful my hair was and the curls they would oogle, mom took me in and got a pixie. I looked like a boy and everyone said how handsome I was. I wanted long hair. Everyone almost died when they saw it and one person almost cried. My curls were gone. :(

[spidermom]

It's too bad that the mom imposed her wishes upon the daughter. It sounds like the mom was the kind of person who felt you should "do" something with hair, not just have it grow and be natural.

The daughter's time of being in control will come (more than likely).

[Amber_Maiden]

That is so sad. Parents have to let their kids be who they are.

[akilina]

I know right??! Usually I see moms chopping off their younger girls hair because they simply wont take care of it and the mom is totally fed up that they wont brush it or anything...so I understand why a mom might get frustrated with that....but not when the girl is a teenager and taking care of her hair and even wanting it so long. You'd think shes old enough to make the choice of what she wants to do with her hair.
Her remark was "well I guess I'll just wait until summer :( "

[Lilhypsy]

Awwww at 13 being forced to do anything is bad enough by ur parents nevermind what I loved the most was doing my hair at that age ugh =(
I can't wait for my daughter to get some hair (shes 1) and I hope she wants to keep letting it grow and we can do it up or down as she pleases. =) and if she wants to rock the short too-so be it, its hers not mine! Lol my 8 yr old is currently rockin the longer boy hair these days too! =)

[akilina]

I think when anyone comes in wanting to chop their hair off i really don't even want to do it. I love long hair and I'm a total supporter of everyone who comes in trying to grow out!! I always suggest oiling with different oils and coming in maybe every few months just for a tiny tiny trim.
I also like to spread the word about henna because everyone asks about my color.
Im a long hair friendly hair stylist :)

[Sushi144]

Such an awful story ! :( I mean if it was the girl choice, well, she can cut it however beautiful it is. But when her mom knows she doesn't want to ? It's so cruel !

I would have hated my mom if she did this to me. Luckily, having long hair til her 30's, she knows what long hair means.

[long&blonde]

I think when anyone comes in wanting to chop their hair off i really don't even want to do it. I love long hair and I'm a total supporter of everyone who comes in trying to grow out!! I always suggest oiling with different oils and coming in maybe every few months just for a tiny tiny trim.
I also like to spread the word about henna because everyone asks about my color.
Im a long hair friendly hair stylist :)
Wow:you sound like an awesome stylist! What state are you in?

[Vanille_]

Not saying it doesn't suck, but perhaps the mom had reasons that weren't evil? You are the stylist and would perhaps know, but what if the girl had lice? When I was young, I struggled for months with lice until my mother finally hacked off all my hair. I know the girl said it was because it's plain, but she wouldn't have wanted to say it was because she had lice.

I am probably wrong ... but just thought I'd voice my thought aloud anyway. I guess I hate to admit that some people are just evil.

[akilina]

Wow:you sound like an awesome stylist! What state are you in?
I'm in Nevada! Haha...if I could I would cut everyones hair on here and just give them exactly what they want!!! I'm not the kind of stylist that will chop off your hair if that is NOT what you ask for.
I don't like the place i work for because it is a corporation but I do appreciate the training they have put us through to really ensure a great consultation.

[long&blonde]

I think when anyone comes in wanting to chop their hair off i really don't even want to do it. I love long hair and I'm a total supporter of everyone who comes in trying to grow out!! I always suggest oiling with different oils and coming in maybe every few months just for a tiny tiny trim.
I also like to spread the word about henna because everyone asks about my color.
Im a long hair friendly hair stylist :)
Wow:you sound like an awesome stylist! What state are you in?

[akilina]

Not saying it doesn't suck, but perhaps the mom had reasons that weren't evil? You are the stylist and would perhaps know, but what if the girl had lice? When I was young, I struggled for months with lice until my mother finally hacked off all my hair. I know the girl said it was because it's plain, but she wouldn't have wanted to say it was because she had lice.

I am probably wrong ... but just thought I'd voice my thought aloud anyway. I guess I hate to admit that some people are just evil.
She was a very mature girl she looked an acted 16 very smart too and if she had lice i wouldnt have touched her. thats our policy and im pretty sure any salon would turn someone with lice down. its a spreadable thing so we dont want to touch it.
Her mom was sort of the type where she probably has really ridiculous expectations of her daughter in vein.
It was just hard seeing her boss around such a smart mature intelligent person. she IS her mom though so I went along with it.

[Mesmerise]

Oh gosh that's awful! The girl was 13 not 3... heck my daughter has enviable hair, but I'd never make her chop it off because it was prettier than mine :(. My daughter pleaded with me to let her cut her hair, and I ended up letting her a) because it's a hassle... it really tangles VERY easily and b) because, well, it's HER hair. It actually only gradually became shorter as I became accustomed to it!

When I was a kid my mum pretty much went along with what I said, and I was always VERY clear about what I wanted! When I was 5 or 6 I remember she had them "shape my hair" as they put it, which I guess means they sort of put in a big U shape, but I REALLY wanted straight across blunt hair, and next time I was very clear and said I want it STRAIGHT across and none of this shaping business!!! (I don't mind a slight U now, but at the time all the girls had long blunt cut hair!!).

And yeah, when I wanted to perm, and dye, and cut and grow, my mum went along with it. This was nice as my mum's pretty much a lifelong short hair! She had hair to her shoulders once, in about 1970 (I saw photos :p)... the rest of the time it's been short!

[Long_hair_bear]

My mom did this horrible thing to me in 4th grade. She cut all my hair off. I looked like a little boy. I've had hair cut phobia ever since. :run: When I was 16 or so, I wanted to dye my hair purple. She wouldn't have that. Heck, at 16, I had to fight to get my ears pierced and wear a two piece bathing suit! :confused:

[Long_hair_bear]

I'm in Nevada! Haha...if I could I would cut everyones hair on here and just give them exactly what they want!!! I'm not the kind of stylist that will chop off your hair if that is NOT what you ask for.
I don't like the place i work for because it is a corporation but I do appreciate the training they have put us through to really ensure a great consultation.

Oh and I have a cool stylist like you. She doesn't go near my hair with scissors until I triple check with her that my precious hair needs a trim. Even then, I tell her to only take off what's absolutely necessary and that's exactly what she does. :joy:

[Bene]

You know what sucks most about that? You can't really say anything about it. It's her kid and she's the customer and blah blah blah. And if you try to ask her if she has her daughter's input on the matter, she'll probably turn it into how she's not getting good customer service.


She'll probably have her kid flatironing and bleaching, and in a few years there might be new member here talking about "My hair is damaged, what do I do?"

[MsBubbles]

I don't think anybody would ever have described my hair to be as beautiful as the 13 year old's, but my Mother, though not evil, never could see any beauty to dead straight, fine hair that has no body. That's why I called my album "But it just hangs there!", because that's what she always used to say about my hair! Some people just have opinions about hairtypes and appearances. I think my parents were still making my mind up about my hair at 13 too, but I took over soon after that (after the last disastrous at-home bowl cut). I let my own daughter do whatever she wanted to with her own hair, mostly because of my experiences. It has taken me decades, plus finding LHC, to appreciate my straight, bodyless hair.

[PixxieStix]

My mom never wanted me to cut my long hair, of course I took horrible care of it and ended up getting a 5 to 8 inch "trim" every year to year and a half, sometimes less, but she always told me how gorgeous my natural hair color was and how lucky I was to have it, and to have it so thick too. Time and time again my mom told me she wished she could have hair like mine, but would never have done anything to make it look less than its best. When I decided to chop off from BSL + to an inch, she was heartbroken. Now that I'm able to grow my hair out again, she is always so excited to see how much longer it is getting. But, if I ever had wanted to chop it off, I know she would have let me. That is so sad to me that that mother would not allow her daughter to have the hair she wanted. Maybe for some reason she thought it was the best thing to do. I agree with having a child's hair cut off who refuses to take care of it, but when they do and don't want to cut, that's so sad.

[Long_hair_bear]

I don't think anybody would ever have described my hair to be as beautiful as the 13 year old's, but my Mother, though not evil, never could see any beauty to dead straight, fine hair that has no body. That's why I called my album "But it just hangs there!", because that's what she always used to say about my hair! Some people just have opinions about hairtypes and appearances. I think my parents were still making my mind up about my hair at 13 too, but I took over soon after that (after the last disastrous at-home bowl cut). I let my own daughter do whatever she wanted to with her own hair, mostly because of my experiences. It has taken me decades, plus finding LHC, to appreciate my straight, bodyless hair.

My hair is straight and bodyless too unless I braid it the night before. Then it comes out wavy and poofy. I like my straight hair, but have learned from on here not to wear it out to bed. :confused: But anyway, yay we have the same hair type!

[aisha.christine]

That's so sad :(
I would be so heartbroken if my mom treated me like that when I was 13.
I definitely would have rebelled, but that's me.
I'm sorry you had to do that today.
I hope that the girl can grow her hair out in the summer, and hopefully let her mom know what she wants to do with her own hair.

[WaitingSoLong]

That is so sad. Parents have to let their kids be who they are.

This.

When my 13yo dd asked to have her hip length blonde thich hair cut to her shoulders, I made her wait the two weeks to be sure, then...off it came. I was even the one who cut it. I took it to about BSL first, and she wasn't happy but we stopped at APL.

SHE LOVES IT.

When my oldest was about 16 his hair grew out to BSL+ (btw, he is also my hair twin, I have a good pic of it somewhere). My rule: as long as you take care of it I don't care what ya do to it.

IT'S HAIR. It grows back. It can be cut.
But then, I would let my kids get piercings, too, and I know a lot of parents refuse that.

[jeanniet]

I was booted out of a salon with partially cut hair when they discovered I had lice (I didn't know! Thanks, son). My husband had to "fix" it for me--boy, was that a nightmare.

Anyway, at 13 a child is old enough to choose what to do with their hair, and if hers was in such beautiful condition she obviously was taking good care of it. Children need to learn to make their own choices, and they also need to have some power. It's sad the mom didn't understand that. I would love for my son to grow his beautifully curly hair out and leave it long, but he grows it and then buzzes it all off. I let him buzz it when he was five and it's been that way ever since. I'll admit I've...uh, begged a few times, but I would never forbid him to cut it. It's not my hair.

[Bene]

I'm totally not trying to laugh at you, but:


I was booted out of a salon with partially cut hair when they discovered I had lice (I didn't know! Thanks, son). My husband had to "fix" it for me--boy, was that a nightmare.




I'm imagining after you left, they're all running around sweeping, checking everything, the manager and an assistant manager pull out matching keys to open up the doomsday device. A door swings open, someone pushes down a giant red button, metal thingies start lowering over the windows and doors, everyone has 30 seconds to evacuate while the room goes through a series of deep steaming, disinfecting spray, and more steaming via hoses that come down from the ceiling.

Someone in a HAZMAT suit corners the poor stylist who discovered the lice and "Don't you f**king move" and BOOM sprays her down in lice killing goop.


Code lice! Code lice :laugh:

[KwaveT]

I agree with the others. That girl was old enough to make decisions for how she wants her hair. It is definitely sad that the mother was forcing her daughter to have her hair chopped off. Some parents are going to force their agendas on their children like this. You have to start letting them grow up sometime.

[GoldberryHair]

I think when anyone comes in wanting to chop their hair off i really don't even want to do it. I love long hair and I'm a total supporter of everyone who comes in trying to grow out!! I always suggest oiling with different oils and coming in maybe every few months just for a tiny tiny trim.
I also like to spread the word about henna because everyone asks about my color.
Im a long hair friendly hair stylist :)

Not to change this thread but your comment made me think...a lot of stylists are very eager to cut short... this is why I never go to one anymore as I'm sure many of us here do..I think it is sad because every stylist I've ever encountered are very negative toward long (especially really long) hair...they make such downward comments about it, and almost always take off more than you want...grr!

We need more like you!

[ericthegreat]

You know what sucks most about that? You can't really say anything about it. It's her kid and she's the customer and blah blah blah. And if you try to ask her if she has her daughter's input on the matter, she'll probably turn it into how she's not getting good customer service.


She'll probably have her kid flatironing and bleaching, and in a few years there might be new member here talking about "My hair is damaged, what do I do?"

This. The years between 12 to 18 are the absolute hardest. The teenage years are right between the point where you have matured just enough to want to seek greater independence from your parents, but you are still legally a minor and in most cases still developmentally too immature to really grasp the full consequences of your actions.

But anyway getting back to this young teen girl and her mother. This girl is still only 13, and her mother was the one who was paying for the haircut, so it is the mother who is the true customer here, not her daughter. Plus of course, she is her mother and legal guardian, and as long as this girl continues to live under her roof, she has to abide by her rules. Even if all of us here at LHC object to this mother's rules, there's not a damn thing any of us can do about it. This is her daughter, and she has the right to dress and groom her little girl any way she sees fit. That's just the way it is.

[supbanana]

First of all, I wish I could find a long hair friendly stylist like you. :)

When I was five, I went to live with my grandmother, and she insisted that my waist length hair had to go. The first stylist she took me to absolutely refused to cut a little girl's hair because she didn't feel little girls should have bowl cuts. I always thought that was interesting.

The reason I'm so adamant about having long hair and taking excellent care of it is thanks to being forced to have a bowl cut and being teased horribly about it until I was 12 or so. I'm glad this girl liked her hair shorter; I hope she still likes it after she goes home and lives with it for a while.

[battles]

I'm totally not trying to laugh at you, but:




I'm imagining after you left, they're all running around sweeping, checking everything, the manager and an assistant manager pull out matching keys to open up the doomsday device. A door swings open, someone pushes down a giant red button, metal thingies start lowering over the windows and doors, everyone has 30 seconds to evacuate while the room goes through a series of deep steaming, disinfecting spray, and more steaming via hoses that come down from the ceiling.

Someone in a HAZMAT suit corners the poor stylist who discovered the lice and "Don't you f**king move" and BOOM sprays her down in lice killing goop.


Code lice! Code lice :laugh:

I would love to watch this happen.

[akilina]

I'm totally not trying to laugh at you, but:




I'm imagining after you left, they're all running around sweeping, checking everything, the manager and an assistant manager pull out matching keys to open up the doomsday device. A door swings open, someone pushes down a giant red button, metal thingies start lowering over the windows and doors, everyone has 30 seconds to evacuate while the room goes through a series of deep steaming, disinfecting spray, and more steaming via hoses that come down from the ceiling.

Someone in a HAZMAT suit corners the poor stylist who discovered the lice and "Don't you f**king move" and BOOM sprays her down in lice killing goop.


Code lice! Code lice :laugh:

ahahahah!!!! That is totally sort of what we do!!! O god one day i had a kid sitting in my chair and he very proudly exclaims "I HAVE RING WORM!!! I HAVE ONE HERE AND HERE AND HERE AND HERE!!!"
I about **** my pants n booted him out and spent about 20 minutes cleaning every surface he touched! haha :P

[Cjatje]

When I was 12, I had z bad dandruffproblem, but brfore I had lice...
One day in school they checked and the 'saw' lice...
My mum was so angry, she sent me to the hairdresser, who rasored my mbl hair :'(
Afterwards they saw it was dandruff, no lice :s

[akilina]

When I was 12, I had z bad dandruffproblem, but brfore I had lice...
One day in school they checked and the 'saw' lice...
My mum was so angry, she sent me to the hairdresser, who rasored my mbl hair :'(
Afterwards they saw it was dandruff, no lice :s
Thats awful! if it was "lice" she shouldnt have even done the service on you.:(
The same sort of thing happened to me...there was a lice out break at the after school program and they had to lice check us all and the lady was just feeling lazy so she said she found an egg. it wasnt anything at all. luckily i didnt have to cut my hair at all.

[jacqueline101]

The mom seems to have issues.

[lolabird]

Sorry to hear that happened Cjatje :(

My neighbour's daughter had waist length hair and got lice. Her Mom and I took turns just sitting there with her and going through her hair, one strand at a time, pulling the hair through our fingernails and getting the nits. After about a week, we got all of them and she was fine. Just to say that you don't necessarily have to cut but it is much easier on shorter hair.

Another Mom I know online buzzed her daughter's hair when she kept getting lice. I think they just weren't able to remove all of them and they would multiply again. But the mom also buzzed her own hair in solidarity with her daughter!

Sorry to get on this topic. I'm itchy now!

[julliams]

Well, I took my 13 year old to the hairdressers and I basically told them what to do too. My daughter has (had) waist length hair and said she was thinking of getting it cut to APL with lots of layers. I talked her out of it and told her to try out BSL first with more layers and that she could always go shorter.

The hairdresser agreed with me and said that her hair should stay long because it's in such good conditioner and the colour is so lovely. She agreed that BSL would be a better length for her than APL and that's what she has now.

So basically, I guess I'm kind of the same as that mother in that I stepped in and changed the outcome. If my daughter really wants to cut to APL she is welcome to, but I thought she should try BSL first and then if she was really sure, she could go shorter again. I know it's different, but what I meant is that I stepped in and told the hairdresser what should be done.

[karli]

Might be different in the US, but here I don't think it would be possible to make a 13 year old cut her hair if she didn't want to.. She might have expressed a wish to cut it at home.. I also have a hard time believing in jealousy, I have the most beautiful daughter, I feel nothing but pride and love.. And I have no saying about her hair anymore, she's 11 years old now :)

[AnqeIicDemise]

My mother made me have long hair against my will for ages. I really wanted to experiment and have fun.

3 months shy of my 18th birthday I hacked it off and I wore a short 'do for over 9 years. Its only a matter of time before she can do what she wants with her hurr.

[sfgirl]

My mother made me have long hair against my will for ages. I really wanted to experiment and have fun.

3 months shy of my 18th birthday I hacked it off and I wore a short 'do for over 9 years. Its only a matter of time before she can do what she wants with her hurr.

I had a friend who cut her waist length, brown hair, to shoulder length, got bangs and layers, and dyed it blonde with pink and blue. Her mother of course HATED it, and that's all she ever talked about to anyone, but actually it was better for my friend, as she was quite a bit heaver (like her mom), and being fun and funky (she had a few face piercings her mom hated too), kind of distracted most people from the fact that she was really big. I think she had a lot more confidence with her crazy short hair, because people didn't just see a fat girl at first, and everyone took the time to get to know her. It's kind of sad because her mom never saw how much it helped her.
I know most people here would love their daughters to have long hair, but some people really do not only look better with short hair, but actually need it in times of their life. :soapbox:
That got more preachy than I expected LOL

[MonaLisa]

Such sad story....:(
I hope she will manage to do what she wishes soon...
And you seem like a really nice stylist :flower:
Uhm...I feel sad when people I love cut hair. DBF, sister, mom.... I feel the urge to not let it happen.. Makes me feel like my own hair is cut...
But I tend to just say my opinion mildly and give suggestions if welcome...would never interfere in someone's decisions in such way..

[sarelis]

Ugh, sounds like my Mum, she was always hacking my hair off against my wishes as a child, I would be sat there in tears watching it float to the floor :( By the time I was 11 or 12 I stood up to her & have worn it long ever since. She never did it to my sister, only me. I wasn't blonde enough for her liking :rolleyes:

[the.fee.fairy]

Could you not mediate between the mum and daughter - ask the mum why she wanted the hair cut off and then talk to them both about looking after it and make the mum realise it's not that difficult after all?

Oh the other topic - My sister found the perfect lice-killer - permanent black dye. She used to get them all the time (i always have my hair up and have had the sole total of 3 lice in my life, that's 3 individual lice). When she was about 15 my sister decided to dye her hair black. In doing so she killed all the lice she had and i don't think they ever dared to return in case she gave them the chemical soaking again ;)

[Milui Elenath]

Hmm this happened to me at 14 and it was the last time I ever cut my hair (or was talked into cutting it.) Unfortunately for me my hair was not cute, nor was I happy about it EVER.

But my mum did not do it because she was vain, jealous or mean spirited. (since she isn't any of those things ever) The reason she gave at the time (and she still said it to convince me to cut sometimes - with my classic length hair :rolleyes:) is that she had straight hair till she was 18 then she cut it and it went curly. I guess she wanted the same for me because she really loves her curls and I think they made/make her feel beautiful. Also looking back I suspect she was feeling nervous about me becoming an independent teen and growing further apart from her. It might have been a way for her to feel we had something in common a way to connect. We are very very different.
(The hair cut of course didn't work out how she hoped since I spent the next 6 months growing out the pixie in a beanie - lucky it was winter since we live in Australia! but we made it through teenage years and I still love my mum)

Anyway who can know why mum's do this or why daughters allow it but I hope they both learn from it with no permanent harm done.

[newbeginning]

The poor girl. If I were a parent I'd let my child keep their hair as they wanted (long or short) as long as they took good care of it. I'd only intervene if it say got really damaged or they weren't taking care of it. Thankfully that's the rule I grew up on and I've always taken good care of my hair.

[WaitingSoLong]

Why do people think you have to shave your hair to get rid of lice? 2 of my kids had lice about5 years ago. BOTH had long hair (my son and my daughter). We spent hours in front of the TV...they sat, I picked out nits and/or chemical treated their hair. I sterilized the house, did the whole vacuum, put stuff in a bag for 6 weeks, blah blah. They never came back! And no one got their hair cut.

I know lice wasn't mentioned as a reason for this girls haircut...but maybe it WAS a reason? Maybe they had a lice scare or something and the Mom was thinking it would be easier to prevent with shorter hair?

Ultimately what EricTheGreat said is true. All parents have reasons for how they raise their kids...it is just when the reasons are totally selfish that it makes me angry. Doing what's best for the kid...even if they hate you for it...is part of parenting. But doing it out of selfishness or laziness is another thing. I have seen lots of it, and then I have seen the opposite, where the parent cares TOO much...the the point they are overprotective and doing more harm than good. In the end, we don't really know the mom's motives and it is not our place to judge. There are hundreds fo situations that can appear one way until a bit more info is added to the equation. I even taught a class or two on this one...perspective. I know I have been judged for my parenting choices and no one bothered to ask me WHY and I had very good reasons.

[lolabird]

Might be different in the US, but here I don't think it would be possible to make a 13 year old cut her hair if she didn't want to.. She might have expressed a wish to cut it at home.. I also have a hard time believing in jealousy, I have the most beautiful daughter, I feel nothing but pride and love.. And I have no saying about her hair anymore, she's 11 years old now :)

:crush: that's so sweet and i'm SO happy I can see signatures now. Yours is just lovely.

[Charybdis]

Parents need to set boundaries for their kids' health, safety, and future well-being, not torment a kid who's too young to even get a job about what they want to do with their hair. It just causes the kid totally unnecessary angst and lowers his or her respect for the parent. People need to pick their battles. Control for the sake of control does not a healthy parent-child relationship make. Parents (and spouses) also need to get over the vanity of thinking that they must control their loved ones' appearances because it somehow reflects badly on them. Worry about your own appearance, not your family members' -- everyone will live a lot happier.

Also, agree completely with WaitingSoLong about the lice. You can soak the hair and scalp in Cetaphil and let it sit a few hours to smother the lice, then comb everything out with a nit comb. The hard part is treating the furnishings and fabrics, not the hair.

[littleizz]

That's so sad! My mom always let me do whatever I wanted with my hair. I always took care of it myself, though, so she never had to do it for me.

[ericthegreat]

Why do people think you have to shave your hair to get rid of lice? 2 of my kids had lice about5 years ago. BOTH had long hair (my son and my daughter). We spent hours in front of the TV...they sat, I picked out nits and/or chemical treated their hair. I sterilized the house, did the whole vacuum, put stuff in a bag for 6 weeks, blah blah. They never came back! And no one got their hair cut.

I know lice wasn't mentioned as a reason for this girls haircut...but maybe it WAS a reason? Maybe they had a lice scare or something and the Mom was thinking it would be easier to prevent with shorter hair?

Ultimately what EricTheGreat said is true. All parents have reasons for how they raise their kids...it is just when the reasons are totally selfish that it makes me angry. Doing what's best for the kid...even if they hate you for it...is part of parenting. But doing it out of selfishness or laziness is another thing. I have seen lots of it, and then I have seen the opposite, where the parent cares TOO much...the the point they are overprotective and doing more harm than good. In the end, we don't really know the mom's motives and it is not our place to judge. There are hundreds fo situations that can appear one way until a bit more info is added to the equation. I even taught a class or two on this one...perspective. I know I have been judged for my parenting choices and no one bothered to ask me WHY and I had very good reasons.


Parents need to set boundaries for their kids' health, safety, and future well-being, not torment a kid who's too young to even get a job about what they want to do with their hair. It just causes the kid totally unnecessary angst and lowers his or her respect for the parent. People need to pick their battles. Control for the sake of control does not a healthy parent-child relationship make. Parents (and spouses) also need to get over the vanity of thinking that they must control their loved ones' appearances because it somehow reflects badly on them. Worry about your own appearance, not your family members' -- everyone will live a lot happier.

Also, agree completely with WaitingSoLong about the lice. You can soak the hair and scalp in Cetaphil and let it sit a few hours to smother the lice, then comb everything out with a nit comb. The hard part is treating the furnishings and fabrics, not the hair.

I'm going to respond to both of these quotes with this one post.
Ultimately, it doesn't matter what any of us think of an individual parent's personal parenting decisions. They have every right to make whatever decisions they deem fit to raise their own child.

The same could be said of a person from another culture or religion who is judging us Westerners for how we raise (or in their opinion don't raise) our children. They see our comparatively more liberal attitudes and "let the child do whatever he or she wants" as totally spoiling the child. And, after with my own eyes seeing how so many young people in this country are publicly disrespectful to everyone else around them, what with them openly throwing curse words loudly for everyone else to hear, doing stupid pranks against store owners and bus drivers, and even committing misdemeanors/assaults/getting into all kinds of trouble with the police, I have to wonder if people from a more conservative culture might really be on to something.

[Charybdis]

The same could be said of a person from another culture or religion who is judging us Westerners for how we raise (or in their opinion don't raise) our children. They see our comparatively more liberal attitudes and "let the child do whatever he or she wants" as totally spoiling the child. And, after with my own eyes seeing how so many young people in this country are publicly disrespectful to everyone else around them, what with them openly throwing curse words loudly for everyone else to hear, doing stupid pranks against store owners and bus drivers, and even committing misdemeanors/assaults/getting into all kinds of trouble with the police, I have to wonder if people from a more conservative culture might really be on to something.

In general, I'm quite conservative in my views about requiring appropriate manners and law-abiding behavior from children at all times, as well as ensuring that they pull their weight with chores and unstinting application to schoolwork. Respect for others is key to being a decent human being, and a work ethic is critical to having any kind of success in later life. But my experience is that people (not just children) respect rules and directions much more if you don't attempt to micromanage the things that don't really matter. Parents can and will do what they like, of course, and so long as they're not crossing the line into abuse it's usually best for bystanders to butt out. However, that doesn't mean parents aren't setting themselves up for unnecessary heartache when they pick something like hair to make a stand over. Kids remember when they felt disrespected by their parents, and the chickens often come home to roost after the kids grow up.

[marzipanthecat]

I was just going to say that it's pretty normal here for girls to have their long hair cut short when they start getting to around 11 years old (about to go to secondary school) - to make them seem more grown up.

A neighbour of mine was grumbling that her grandaughter (aged 11 at the time) kicked up a fuss about having her long blonde hair cut from waist length to about earlobe-length (I was sorry for her and envied her lovely hair!) and this neighbour said the girl was saying "But the lady at number 11 has such long hair and she's old!" - I'm kind of freakish, I guess!

I have a young relative with long (waist length) hair, and she's almost 9 now, and her mother is saying it's time to get it cut short.

It isn't anything to do with not looking after it properly, or being in the way. It's just what people do when girls get to a certain age.

(I screamed the place down whenever anyone came near me with scissors - but that's another story entirely! So I never got the chop...)

[Woods Nymph]

That's terrible. I agree; I would've been mortified if my mom had done that to me. When I was about 9, I decided I wanted to cut a foot of my hair off & my mom made absolutely sure that I really wanted to do it, which I think was great!
That poor girl!:(

[Alibran]

I had my hair cut short at about that age, not because Mum said I had to, but because she refused to look after it any more. My hair was really curly and thick (still thick, but not as curly) and she'd always washed, detangled and braided it for me, so I didn't have a clue how to do it myself. When I was 13, she suddenly decided she wasn't going to do it any more.

I struggled with it for a while, but ended up with an awful frizzy, tangled birds' nest, and had to give in and get it cut, which I think was her plan all along because she told me I looked MUCH nicer with short hair. I kept my cut-off hair in a box wrapped in tissue paper for a long time.

[raveness13]

I feel sorry for the girl. I did something similar when I was younger. It was my own decision, because my mom had to comb and braid it for me. There is a lot of pressure for shorter hair, her mom might have had reasons, but they should have talked first. Adults don't always see mature teens as, well, mature. :rolleyes: (Mature teen here.) I don't think it's our place to judge this situation, especially being a bit (possibly more) biased toward long hair. When it comes to hair, many parents don't view it as something special, or important. They are very particular about hair and how it should be worn. I think learning to deal with this is part of growing up, especially if you maintain your connection to your hair. I've always been very glad about my dad's policy about hair. If it doesn't smell bad or cost to much too maintain, my brother and I can do whatever. Honestly, I think more consideration should have been used by the mom, but I don't know the whole story. Don't judge unless you fully understand.

[Hairitic]

Hey Akilina; Are you anywhere near central PA :confused:? I need someone I can trust to cut my hair :p! As it is now, I'm afraid to go to the salon to get my hair trimmed. I just know I'll tell the stylist to take off half an inch and I'll leave with hair that's 6 inches shorter than when I came in :mad: We need more hairdressers like you :toast:

[heidi w.]

If the girl was in some way still needing her mother's aide for its maintenance and daily care, it could be that this parent is just overwhelmed by the time this hair represented in her daily todo list.

But IF the kid was overall taking care of her own hair, then I don't see why a parent should care so much other than to teach the kid to not plug up the drain with shed hair, which can pose a plumbing issue in some houses.

But it's their relationship, and you're not part of the family so there's only so much you can do.

I had a similar problem once with a private music student where the kid was doing just fine in lessons, and the mother insisted her kid just didn't practice enough. She was a fine, budding musician, and came in prepared for every lesson. But I don't get to decide, tried as I did to talk to the parent that this kid loved playing. The mother made the kid quit over perceptions of her not practicing enough. I tried really hard to speak for the kid, but the mother just had her mind made up. All I could do was be kind to the kid as best I could and say goodbye. It was beyond my control, and most unfortunate. Really unfortunate.

I've had other parents say some nasty things to their kids in my presence, and there just isn't much I can do. It's really sad.

A lot of parents are persuaded by personal experiences and belief systems that may or may not be relevant in the reality of the situation. Some parents are mean to their kids for perceived reasons that may or may not be true in reality. My mother was very mean to my sister for perceptions that in my mind had no basis in reality. But there was nothing I could do about it. I was a kid, and not in any version of control of the situation. My Mom had her mind made up, and there was no persuading her otherwise.

I mean, you don't know if there've been fights about her hair, somehow? You just never know what's going on behind closed doors. I'll never know if the mother in my music example had to argue with her kid to get her to practice, although it didn't seem that way to me in my experience of her, but you just never know. People such as stylist and music teachers are outside the problem; we're observing and have limited access and knowledge.

It's just the way it is sometimes.

heidi w.

[vatikagirl]

Goodness sometimes I think Parenting classes should be mandatory.

[AngryVikingGirl]

Just to cheer you up: her hair will grow back! I'm saying this because if you think over people's hair growing here on LHC, who didn't start at the age of 13...she has plenty of time to grow it back, getting out of her mum's control in the meantime. I feel sorry for her too, but fortunately it's not the worst thing that could happen to her. :)

Though, I've been through things like this, too, my mum always cut more than I wanted, so I started visiting stylists - who always cut more than necessary. Then I found a long hair friendly stylist - and LHC. Everything is great. ;)

I also want to add that some decades(or don't know) ago children were considered to absolutely obey their parents - as if they were their property. Hitting kids was totally normal, even kinda good...I hate this, but fortunately it's getting out of fashion, I think. It still has some remains though...

And when I was little, I had short hair, mom cut it, because it was a torture both for me and my parents to wash my hair. But now I really can't understand it, feels nonsense. We were in the bathroom, me, mom and dad. Mom washed my hair, dad helped her (I can't recall if he had to hold me down) and I screamed. But for what...(I know, because of the shampoo.) But when I started to wash my hair on my own, I realized it was really easy. So why my parents had to do this...If they had made me understand how to behave and stay calm, I might have understood that...I don't know. I might be wrong.

[cheetahfast]

I don't think the mother was totally in the wrong.

When I was a kid my mother had my hair cut off, I was a bit younger than this girl though, maybe 8 or 10. I was so sad, but to be honest I wouldn't let her brush or comb my hair since it always knotted. It was for the best. At the time I cried in the seat and was so upset, I'm sure the hairdresser thought my mother was plain evil.

It might have seemed that the hair was well cared for, but the mother could have been doing the caring for her.

[GlennaGirl]

I was booted out of a salon with partially cut hair when they discovered I had lice (I didn't know! Thanks, son). My husband had to "fix" it for me--boy, was that a nightmare.


I'm imagining after you left, they're all running around sweeping, checking everything, the manager and an assistant manager pull out matching keys to open up the doomsday device. A door swings open, someone pushes down a giant red button, metal thingies start lowering over the windows and doors, everyone has 30 seconds to evacuate while the room goes through a series of deep steaming, disinfecting spray, and more steaming via hoses that come down from the ceiling.

Ha... :p http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEKGWrkt9bQ&feature=related

[Vanille_]

Okay. Cutting your hair is not MANDATORY to get rid of lice. However, I can see how some parents might still choose to do it. Someone said it's easy to get rid of from the hair, that the furnishings and what not are the issue. That is not entirely true. The really difficult part is not getting it again when there is an outbreak at school and only some of the parents take it seriously. It doesn't matter how much you treat, if you are being sent back to an infested environment, it won't matter. So, yeah, I can see how my mom got sick and tired of having to do my hair every week for months.

[holothuroidea]

:( Things like this remind me how I could never hold a job like that. I would have refused to cut it and probably got fired or something.

Mom needs a wake up call. It is not HER hair, she does not take care of it. What the hell right does she have!? I can't stand it when parents act like they own their kids and can do whatever they want with them.

[holothuroidea]

I don't think the mother was totally in the wrong.

When I was a kid my mother had my hair cut off, I was a bit younger than this girl though, maybe 8 or 10. I was so sad, but to be honest I wouldn't let her brush or comb my hair since it always knotted. It was for the best. At the time I cried in the seat and was so upset, I'm sure the hairdresser thought my mother was plain evil.

It might have seemed that the hair was well cared for, but the mother could have been doing the caring for her.

This girl was 13, it seems highly unlikely that her Mom was taking care of it.

If the mother does a lot of the maintenance for the hair then yes, she does have a say in the decision because she has to live with the consequences. But for a 13 year old to still have their hair brushed by Mom is really unusual.

[akilina]

Geez...I shouldn't have even posted. People put too many weird "what ifs" onto it that weren't even factors of what we did for her. O_______O Even the mom herself sort of admitted it was all in vanity...which ultimately is okay I guess considering it IS her daughter. I guess my main point is I can't imagine forcing my daughter to change her hair to a more mature almost "sexy" hair style at a young age

[Vanille_]

Akilina, no one is giving you a hard time :) It's a sad story and in the end, it just sucks.

[cheetahfast]

This girl was 13, it seems highly unlikely that her Mom was taking care of it.

If the mother does a lot of the maintenance for the hair then yes, she does have a say in the decision because she has to live with the consequences. But for a 13 year old to still have their hair brushed by Mom is really unusual.

We had a thread here a while ago about how old were you when your mother stopped helping with/brushing your hair, which partly influenced my response. Some people in it mentioned ~12-13 the cut off. Most were a bit lower, however I think the person who started it was a bit older than 13, hmm, I can't remember.

I did say if the mother was taking care of it then she had some say, if not then my opinion changes a bit, but not totally. By that age I was straightening my hair like crazy and my mother didn't tell the hairdressers what I wanted anymore. Some people raise their kids different though.


Geez...I shouldn't have even posted. People put too many weird "what ifs" onto it that weren't even factors of what we did for her. O_______O Even the mom herself sort of admitted it was all in vanity...which ultimately is okay I guess considering it IS her daughter. I guess my main point is I can't imagine forcing my daughter to change her hair to a more mature almost "sexy" hair style at a young age

No one it attacking you. You said you wanted a disscussion, no? Pondering and theorizing is part of it. :shrug:

I've learned on public forums not everyone will agree.

[AnqeIicDemise]

I had a friend who cut her waist length, brown hair, to shoulder length, got bangs and layers, and dyed it blonde with pink and blue. Her mother of course HATED it, and that's all she ever talked about to anyone, but actually it was better for my friend, as she was quite a bit heaver (like her mom), and being fun and funky (she had a few face piercings her mom hated too), kind of distracted most people from the fact that she was really big. I think she had a lot more confidence with her crazy short hair, because people didn't just see a fat girl at first, and everyone took the time to get to know her. It's kind of sad because her mom never saw how much it helped her.
I know most people here would love their daughters to have long hair, but some people really do not only look better with short hair, but actually need it in times of their life. :soapbox:
That got more preachy than I expected LOL

Eh, my mom hates my piercing, the fact that my hair is dyed or what my fashion changes to with the day. The act of cutting my hair was liberating to me because for once I got to do what *I* wanted versus what she wanted. Mom's just a controlling person and is used to having her way, period.

One of the BEST examples I can share on how controlling and delusional she is in regards to appearance is this one:

Cue the angsty, black-clothed teenager of doom, wearing layers upon layers of fishnet, lace and chrome. I have a studded leather dog collar I got from... PETCO... my hair is short as a few months before I had hacked it all off. I'm shuffling behind my mother at JC penny's, bored out of my mind. I swear I was busy staring at my nails or something.

I believe we were shopping for some family event.

So she's looking at all sorts of clothes, I presume, for herself. A lovely shirt catches my eye and I turn to look at it. It is a gem. A black, stretchy, square necked shirt that is so body hugging (and flattering) that it resembles a corset, with 3/4 length sleeves. A grey ribbon adorns the elbows and from there, a lovely sheer bell fans out to mid fore arm. Another, even longer bell fans out to just past the wrist. I immediately grab it and it isn't long before I can find a charcoal grey A-line skirt that falls just below the knee. I grab that too.

And since I knew my mother, I found a red, floral choker with matching earrings. I bring my findings to mum to show her that hey, I found myself a very posh and classy outfit that I'd a) feel comfortable in and b) not freak out the Familials.

Mom: -eyeing the outfit- Oh honey, no.. you DON'T like that at all. Its just so not you. What are you thinking?
me: -Frowns, glancing at her own reflection in the mirror nearby. I have torn capri pants filled with studs, fishnets and a pair of chucks so old they're held on by duck tape- um... what do you mean, I don't like this? I'm telling you I like it.
Mom: You're being ridiculous, sweetie. You don't. -holds up a vibrant fuscia, frilly shirt.- See, now isn't this nice and SOoooo you?
m: -gag-
Mom: or how about this one? -Holds up a pink halter top and a black mini.- This is so cute.
Me: Okay and this trip is done. I'll meet you in the car.

She couldn't buy anything because I wouldn't try it on.

Dad bought me a *see through* black organza shirt with a ruby colored rose on the asymmetrical hem and a blood red tank top to wear underneath and a black pencil skirt. Mom was not happy about it. I felt lovely. Family adored it. The most amazing thing? I was never consulted about the outfit and Mom didn't know about it. Dad took it upon himself to go to the store and buy me an outfit. I can't imagine him walking around a department store but he did it!

The point is, they're both strict. They're both unbelievably stubborn but one of them has the patience and ability to get to know his kid as to be able to be an effective parent. I'd do just about anything out of sheer spite to irritate my mother but I'll fold for my dad. He knows how to treat each of his kids to our strengths our weaknesses without compromising either of our morals or values.


ETA I just realized how off topic I got there. xD

But really, both my parents were shocked when I chopped my hair off. Only one of them grounded me (guess which one) and the other simply said I was old enough to decide HOW I should dress. If I wanted to look a fool, I should look a fool after all the only one who would suffer is me.

I still had to follow house rules regardless of what I wore anyway. I don't care how annoying my folks are I always have respected them.

[holothuroidea]

We had a thread here a while ago about how old were you when your mother stopped helping with/brushing your hair, which partly influenced my response. Some people in it mentioned ~12-13 the cut off. Most were a bit lower, however I think the person who started it was a bit older than 13, hmm, I can't remember.

I did say if the mother was taking care of it then she had some say, if not then my opinion changes a bit, but not totally. By that age I was straightening my hair like crazy and my mother didn't tell the hairdressers what I wanted anymore. Some people raise their kids different though.

Really, 12-13? Geez, you learn something new every day.

My 3 year old refuses to let me brush her hair! :laugh: I think I started taking care of my own hair at 7-8.

I have a hard time saying, "Some people raise their kids different." To me, it's borderline abusive to dictate to a teenager how they wear their hair and how they dress as long as it doesn't affect their health or safety. Now, that is a very personal opinion based on my own experience and I understand that a lot of people don't see it that way but for me it feels abusive. And I cannot stand idly by while something like that happens right in front of me, it's not in my nature and it doesn't feel right.

So there you have it. Call me judgmental, whatever, I just don't like to see other people suffer for someone else's vanity regardless of their age or relationship.

Would it ever have been okay for a man to do this to his wife? Just because she is 10 years older she has rights? It's not fair.

...JMHO

[ArienEllariel]

I don't think the mother was totally in the wrong.

When I was a kid my mother had my hair cut off, I was a bit younger than this girl though, maybe 8 or 10. I was so sad, but to be honest I wouldn't let her brush or comb my hair since it always knotted. It was for the best. At the time I cried in the seat and was so upset, I'm sure the hairdresser thought my mother was plain evil.

It might have seemed that the hair was well cared for, but the mother could have been doing the caring for her.

This. My cousin would do the same thing so my aunt cut her hair much shorter.

[cheetahfast]

Really, 12-13? Geez, you learn something new every day.

My 3 year old refuses to let me brush her hair! :laugh: I think I started taking care of my own hair at 7-8.

I have a hard time saying, "Some people raise their kids different." To me, it's borderline abusive to dictate to a teenager how they wear their hair and how they dress as long as it doesn't affect their health or safety. Now, that is a very personal opinion based on my own experience and I understand that a lot of people don't see it that way but for me it feels abusive. And I cannot stand idly by while something like that happens right in front of me, it's not in my nature and it doesn't feel right.

So there you have it. Call me judgmental, whatever, I just don't like to see other people suffer for someone else's vanity regardless of their age or relationship.

Would it ever have been okay for a man to do this to his wife? Just because she is 10 years older she has rights? It's not fair.

...JMHO

I really don't see a hair cut as abusive.
No offense I think that word is a bit dramatic here.
The bolded parts confuse me--the way it is worded, in it it says the health and safety is not affected, so where is the abuse?
A 13 year old is a teenager by age, but still not mature. Here that's only seventh/eighth grade.

I remember a specific incident I had in 7th grade with my mother. It involved me buying clothes with my friends at the mall that when I got home my mother thought were inappropriate. Then I was sad and angry, now I know she was right to dictate that I could not wear/keep them.

I think when your daughter gets older your opinion on that might change a little. It's also true that everyone raises children differently. My uncle thought that when I started wearing make-up I was too young, my parents thought nothing of make-up and age.

A wife is a different story completely, I'm not getting into that. The 10 years between 13 and 23 are a great leap IMO.

Also for all we know the daughter failed to tell her mother in a coherent manner that she did not want a haircut to be that short. We don't know.
This is getting off topic ;).

[holothuroidea]

I really don't see a hair cut as abusive.
No offense I think that word is a bit dramatic here.
The bolded parts confuse me--the way it is worded, in it it says the health and safety is not affected, so where is the abuse?
A 13 year old is a teenager by age, but still not mature. Here that's only seventh/eighth grade.

I remember a specific incident I had in 7th grade with my mother. It involved me buying clothes with my friends at the mall that when I got home my mother thought were inappropriate. Then I was sad and angry, now I know she was right to dictate that I could not wear/keep them.

I think when your daughter gets older your opinion on that might change a little. It's also true that everyone raises children differently. My uncle thought that when I started wearing make-up I was too young, my parents thought nothing of make-up and age.

A wife is a different story completely, I'm not getting into that. The 10 years between 13 and 23 are a great leap IMO.

Also for all we know the daughter failed to tell her mother in a coherent manner that she did not want a haircut to be that short. We don't know.
This is getting off topic ;).

We do not have to agree. Both of us have very valid points of view. :flower:

Just for clarification I mean that if there is an issue of health or safety that the parent MUST intervene on some choices. It sounds like for your mom, she thought that the inappropriate clothes were a risk to your safety and that long hair was a hygiene issue for you. There, she was intervening on your behalf. That is obviously not abusive.

But to say, "I don't like the way your hair looks this way, you are getting it cut." In other words, to change your child's appearance for no reason other than your own vanity, that is using your parental power as a tool for control over a personal choice, which is IMHO the definition of an abuse of power, i.e. abusive.

I might not feel this way as years go on, but that could be said for anything. Honestly, I don't force personal choices like clothes or hair on my 3 year old for no reason and I have no idea why I would do it when she's older.

ETA: Maturity has nothing to do with an individual's right to autonomy.

[Isadora]

My daughter is 7 years old and has tb hair length, she wants to be rapunzel and let her hair grow as long as possible. My parents-in-law always want to cut her hair off to minimum shoulder length, it would be more uncomplicated. They can´t handle that length. But my daughter don´t want cutting it. I don´t force her to cut the hair. It´s her own decision if she wants long or short hair.

My mom said as i was 11 i had to cut my hair to a asymmetrical bob....it was awful, i was very sad, i don´t want to do this to my daughter.

[ericthegreat]

I also want to add that some decades(or don't know) ago children were considered to absolutely obey their parents - as if they were their property. Hitting kids was totally normal, even kinda good...I hate this, but fortunately it's getting out of fashion, I think. It still has some remains though...



In many places in the world, even in countries that are modern and Westernized, especially among the ethnic and immigrant populations, this is still a very real reality for many children. And honestly, seeing the horrific state of the modern world as it is with so many disrespectful young people commiting misdemeanors and even violent crimes, I really have to wonder if our parents and grandparents were right all along about disciplining us. Tough love works. That's a truth that I have come to see with my very own eyes. I'd rather have all children in the world be spanked on the behind and be afraid that their mother and father would beat the living sh@t out of them if they stepped out of line, rather than all these weak, pansy parents who appease every whim and will of their children. Your parents are supposed to be your parents, not your best friends.

[bedazzlecat]

When I was in high school, I wanted to cut my tailbone length hair to shoulder length. My mom insisted either cut it short or not at all so I ended up with a pixie. I grew it out to my desired length anyway. The reason she gave for the two extreme choices was she didn't want to see my hair in my face. ? Now, I believe it was a control thing.

[holothuroidea]

In many places in the world, even in countries that are modern and Westernized, especially among the ethnic and immigrant populations, this is still a very real reality for many children. And honestly, seeing the horrific state of the modern world as it is with so many disrespectful young people commiting misdemeanors and even violent crimes, I really have to wonder if our parents and grandparents were right all along about disciplining us. Tough love works. That's a truth that I have come to see with my very own eyes. I'd rather have all children in the world be spanked on the behind and be afraid that their mother and father would beat the living sh@t out of them if they stepped out of line, rather than all these weak, pansy parents who appease every whim and will of their children. Your parents are supposed to be your parents, not your best friends.

What parallel universe are you living in where the children of the past were perfectly behaved and everything was wonderful? Do you think there is more or less violence now than there was in our Grandparents time? If you don't know for sure, ask them.

If you care to read up on the subject about how past parenting practices have affected society now and in the past Parenting for a Peaceful World (http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Peaceful-World-Robin-Grille/dp/1921004142) is an excellent book.

[ericthegreat]

What parallel universe are you living in where the children of the past were perfectly behaved and everything was wonderful? Do you think there is more or less violence now than there was in our Grandparents time? If you don't know for sure, ask them.

If you care to read up on the subject about how past parenting practices have affected society now and in the past Parenting for a Peaceful World (http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Peaceful-World-Robin-Grille/dp/1921004142) is an excellent book.

I know that you know that I am adamant about everything I stand for. So I really can't for the life of me understand why you think you have the right to challenge me for what I stand for.

[holothuroidea]

I know that you know that I am adamant about everything I stand for. So I really can't for the life of me understand why you think you have the right to challenge me for what I stand for.

It wasn't a challenge, just a simple reminder that, hey, maybe things aren't the way you think they are. There are other perspectives out there. I generally assume that people have integrity and believe they are strong enough to take an alternate perspective without becoming defensive.

You'd really be surprised at how much that assumption comes back and bites me in the bottom.

In any event if I bothered you and you felt like I "challenged" you I am sorry, that wasn't my intention.

[Johanna]

I had my bsl hair cut off to chin length when I was about 11. It definitely wasn't something I wanted. I remember going home and crying later that day. It was mum couldn't deal with it.... Uh I was braiding and washing and brushing my own hair from a very early age. Mostly because mum is a yanker and either it was either learn fast or be in pain.


Worst part was when one of the popular boys said he wouldn't ever want to have a girlfriend like me because he had longer hair than I did. I was eleven and he was so cute :P

[Mesmerise]

I really don't remember my mum having that much control over me or my hair. There were times she'd try and convince me NOT to cut my hair, if I'd decided I wanted it short, because she rightly figured I'd want it long again. But she didn't stop me! And generally I'd learn my lesson for a few more years and then cut again :rolleyes:.

My mum stopped doing my hair for me from a relatively young age. My mum always had short hair (she briefly had shoulder length as an adult which I saw in some old slides - sort of blew me away as I'd only ever seen her with a pixie), and thus never learned how to do hair properly. I mean... She could whack it in a low ponytail, or do a basic braid, but that was it. So I learned how to do my own and better than my mum could. I had quite thin, fine hair, and it didn't tangle all that bad.

My daughter still needs help at 9 (almost 10) because her hair is a tanglefest even though it's only about SL now with an undercut. I guess that different kids have different hair needs! One child may have hair that they can easily brush from a young age, and another may not, and may require their mum's help for longer.

Still, I am surprised a 13 year old's mum would force her to cut her hair a particular way! I can't imagine being like that to my kids. Although I do advise the hairdresser on how to cut my 13 year old son's hair... lol. He doesn't really care, but I like it to look nice! If he wanted a particular cut though, I wouldn't stand in his way. He doesn't care a hoot for fashion or what's currently trendy!

[Celtic Morla]

My sister did this to her daughter when she was about 8, she had TB length dark chestnut hair that SHONE and my sister was a jealous you know what and had it chopped off to a very short boys cut. Told everyone that was what she wanted but years later my niece said she sat in the chair crying as the hairdresser cut it off. My sisiter has never been bale to grow her hair becasue she destroys it and she couldnt stand the comments that her DD got ALL the time! When my girls were little I grew their hair but once they became teens they had the choice of what length to maintain it. My Eldest DD I had to cut it a few time because she would noit let me brush it but my youngest has a different texture and has only recently had it cut back to waist.

[GoldberryHair]

I read this when you first posted it but it still makes me sad when I read it again...

Parents need to let children make their own choices so they can learn what they do and do not like,

when I was in 8th grade (I've always had pretty long hair) my hair was about BSL or a little longer and on a faze I wanted to get my hair cut short to my chin with a ton of short flipped out layers (think Meg Ryan) and even tho my mom KNEW I would end up hating it, she still let me do it because as she put it "You need to learn lessons so you can decide for yourself, its your hair and if you don't do it now youll do it at some point" and she was right, I've never cut my hair since LOL.

[Hypnotica]

I know that you know that I am adamant about everything I stand for. So I really can't for the life of me understand why you think you have the right to challenge me for what I stand for.


Because without challenge - no discussion - no progress - no new knowledge to learn.

(And in Sweden it is a criminal offence to hit anyone, including children.)

[McFearless]

Not saying it doesn't suck, but perhaps the mom had reasons that weren't evil? You are the stylist and would perhaps know, but what if the girl had lice? When I was young, I struggled for months with lice until my mother finally hacked off all my hair. I know the girl said it was because it's plain, but she wouldn't have wanted to say it was because she had lice.

I am probably wrong ... but just thought I'd voice my thought aloud anyway. I guess I hate to admit that some people are just evil.
I was thinking this too. Not lice specifically, but maybe the mom had reasons we don't know about. To assume she is jealous/evil is a bit much. We don't know the whole story. If the girl was angry she may have said things she didn't mean/exaggerate.

[Vanille_]

I was thinking this too. Not lice specifically, but maybe the mom had reasons we don't know about. To assume she is jealous/evil is a bit much. We don't know the whole story. If the girl was angry she may have said things she didn't mean/exaggerate.

Right. I really hate to assume I know the motivations behind what people do. Of course, she could have had bad intentions. But it's also true that her intentions were not bad.

[McFearless]

Right. I really hate to assume I know the motivations behind what people do. Of course, she could have had bad intentions. But it's also true that her intentions were not bad.

Thats a very good example to lead by. Not assuming! Its tough but nothing bad ever comes of it. ;)

[Henrietta]

It's too bad that the mom imposed her wishes upon the daughter. It sounds like the mom was the kind of person who felt you should "do" something with hair, not just have it grow and be natural.

The daughter's time of being in control will come (more than likely).

Exactly.
Weird, the girl was 13, she could take care of her hair herself, so it was not like the mum had to spend half an hour every morning combing it and putting it up. Why did she care about the daughter's hair?

[turtlelover]

I think that forcing a teen to either grow OR cut their hair is wrong. I can see making some decisions regarding hair for a younger child, but I cannot even understanding making a small child cut her hair REALLY short if she wants it long, much less a teen. People are strange.

[Of the Fae]

I'm totally not trying to laugh at you, but:




I'm imagining after you left, they're all running around sweeping, checking everything, the manager and an assistant manager pull out matching keys to open up the doomsday device. A door swings open, someone pushes down a giant red button, metal thingies start lowering over the windows and doors, everyone has 30 seconds to evacuate while the room goes through a series of deep steaming, disinfecting spray, and more steaming via hoses that come down from the ceiling.

Someone in a HAZMAT suit corners the poor stylist who discovered the lice and "Don't you f**king move" and BOOM sprays her down in lice killing goop.


Code lice! Code lice :laugh:


Hahahahaahhahaa :laugh:
I think they should've at least finished your haircut :P


But on the subject I really feel sorry for that girl. My mom always discouraged me having long hair, but she didn't push me into cutting it ever, and it was really just because I neglected combing when I was little.
I think, as a mother on such things one can only give advice at that age.