Does your hair INTIMIDATE others?

[vatikagirl]

Ok I know this question is a bit grey in itself but I had some experience of that kind.
So the thing is, I was entertaining a friend the other day, DH's colleague's wife was at my home for a day, she some how started making statements like why the hell do you bother to keep so long hair? Its a fashion no-no... its so tedious... etc... the comments went on to a place where she said "I hate long hair"
I was like :rolleyes: your problem not mine but didn't want to be rude, so I said "then its good that your have short hair". Topic ended.

Now that day was my wash day and I was roaming around the house with my hair down and bunning them casually every now and then, what I noticed was, she kept touching my hair, then she went on to check my oil collection, clips and hair toys collection and then to my bathroom counter to glance at my shampoos etc. This amazed me, though I didn't comment on anything, brushing it off assuming it to be mere curiousity. Then the QUESTIONS started, how and is it possible, which oil for hair growth and at last the bombshell comment, "My hubby always wants my hair to be like yours". I got the crux, I could clearly see that she was totally intimidated by my hair, which I never assumed. For long hair people it is the way of life having long hair, but its something amazing for short hair people. She was desperately trying to make me believe that short hair people are smarter and polished but somehow she herself was not convinced.
Poor thing, I thought and so I gave her all the information she needed to grow long hair. She said thanks for all that and that was that.
Now everyday I receive a call from her reporting what she did for her hair today and all other questions and answers. Which I'm happy to help.
Even my DH noticed the change of her behaviour and when I explained everything to him he said, "ahh, the hair".

So tell me friends has anyone realized this that your long hair can be intimidating to others?!!:o

[the.fee.fairy]

I usually keep my hair up regardless of what i'm doing, so people don't really see it.

I have had someone intimidated by the health of my hair.

I'm one of those rare very lucky people who have good genes, and my hair shines. I have had someone tell me i should cut it to 'bring out the shine more', or use x and y product. The person in question had shoulder length, blunt cut thick hair that could have been beautiful if she looked after it.

After a few months, she asked 'how do you cope with your hair in this climate', so i went through my routine and the importance of looking after your hair.

After that, she obviously started taking better care of it and stopped lecturing me on what i *should* use on mine as hers looked healthier.

[ericthegreat]

She wasn't intimidated. She was without a single doubt in my mind JEALOUS. She is jealous that your long, beautiful hair is appreciated and loved by your own husband.

This woman is upset that her own hair isn't as beautiful or as long as yours, and the fact that her own husband doesn't currently like her hair as it is right now and he wishes that it was long and beautiful like your hair vatikagirl.

And on a side note, I seriously fail to see how long hair can truthfully intimidate anyone at all. Its just hair for heaven's sake, its not a venomous cobra ready to bite you!

I really do feel that all the negative comments in the world that are directed towards people with exceptionally long hair are due to them either (A)Being jealous that you were able to have the patience and dedication to grow your own hair out where as they didn't or (B) Since exceptionally long hair, and I mean lengths longer than waist length for a female, and shoulder length for a male are now generally uncommon in the mainstream society, that many people simply have been socially taught that men and women are supposed to fit specific gender roles. So men are supposed to be 'tough and agressive and strong at all times' and have short, cropped hair and be ready to fight in a war, where as women are supposed to be pretty, petite, dainty little things with long hair so that they can be enjoyed for the viewing pleasure of the men.

[Tota]

It's so nice of you to encourage that girl to grow long hair. I wish I had a friend like that when my hair was short and all icky ...

My hair is not really long yet as I plan to grow it to TBL but a few months ago I went to my high school reunion and had the longest hair there. So ok, I didn't even noticed that but then I was talking to some of my ex school-mates and a girl (all polished looking with a fancy long bob dyed far too dark for her complexion) asked me what's up with my hair ... I said nothing much, I just leave it alone (which ofcourse is a lie but I didn't want to talk to her about my natural hair care and oils and self-trimming and so on) and she said: Well, you really should do something about it, you're not so young anymore to pull that natural look off. I was like: WHAT? What has age to do with hair anyway, and I'm not even 30! WTH??? So then I looked around me and realized that all my female schoolmates had those soccermom or middle-aged-lady hairstyles - polished and freshly cut, but nothing longer than shoulder length. And we're not even 30!!! Well anyway, at home I told my bf what happened to me and he laughed so hard ... But it's kind of sad, isn't it?
Now I don't care about how long anyone's hair is as long as the person wearing it is happy with it, but I reeally don't appreciate when being convinced that MY hair is not appropriate. I just can't wait for the next reunion, hopefully then my hair will me at least WL :P

[Sissilonghair]

She wasn't intimidated. She was without a single doubt in my mind JEALOUS. She is jealous that your long, beautiful hair is appreciated and loved by your own husband.

This woman is upset that her own hair isn't as beautiful or as long as yours, and the fact that her own husband doesn't currently like her hair as it is right now and he wishes that it was long and beautiful like your hair vatikagirl.

And on a side note, I seriously fail to see how long hair can truthfully intimidate anyone at all. Its just hair for heaven's sake, its not a venomous cobra ready to bite you!

I really do feel that all the negative comments in the world that are directed towards people with exceptionally long hair are due to them either (A)Being jealous that you were able to have the patience and dedication to grow your own hair out where as they didn't or (B) Since exceptionally long hair, and I mean lengths longer than waist length for a female, and shoulder length for a male are now generally uncommon in the mainstream society, that many people simply have been socially taught that men and women are supposed to fit specific gender roles. So men are supposed to be 'tough and agressive and strong at all times' and have short, cropped hair and be ready to fight in a war, where as women are supposed to be pretty, petite, dainty little things with long hair so that they can be enjoyed for the viewing pleasure of the men.
ericthegreat....What a great answer!....I agree 100 % with you.

[Littlewing13]

I agree its total jealousy. Mostly cuz my hair is just past shoulder length & im totally jealous of long hair. I think im the only hairdresser that didnt ever want to take much length off when trimming clients hair. Almost all of my clientele had long thick gorgeous hair. *envy*

However it just speaks lowly of these peoples personalities that they say such things. Tota - I cant believe she said you were too old! My almost 60yo Auntie has the most gorgeous long grey hair & I think it looks fabulous. I think it is complete BS that you cant have long hair after a certain age (personally I think you should also wear what you want too - If im rockin a trim & taut body at 50 im damn well gonna show it off!). How boring would life be if we all looked the same.

[Katleen]

Ericthegreat is right, she's jealous, it's as simple as that...

[vatikagirl]

Thank goodness I'm not the only one with these views and friends thanks for sharing your experiences.
Tota, what Littlewing13 said is so true ... I too have my mom and granny rocking waist length and longer hair, and they are gorgeous. If they look so good with long hair, you're just 27 for goodness sake. I can surely say your friend is of that mind set what ericthegreat mentioned above.

ericthegreat, you rock.:toast:

[jacqueline101]

Yeah people at my work place are intimidated by my hair like they're jealous of how fast it grows. Then some got all jealous over my pink strand. I think its petty myself. I have had people stare at it but never say anything.

[Chromis]

Nope. I intimidate people in other ways.

Some people are just arses. I don't think it is jealousy either even if people here like to claim it. They are just being mean. If it wasn't your hair, they would put you down for something else.

[Melisande]

Vatikagirl, I was really sorry for that woman when I read what you wrote. She is obviously fascinated but afraid of the committment, too. I'd really like to know how her hair growing journey is going.

there is something wild and sensual about long hair, something very sexy, and we all know it. The stereotype of the bunned lady who opens her hair and turns into Botticelli's Venus. The many things you can do with long hair which you can't do with short hair if you know what I mean ;-)

The archetype of the wild, liberated woman who is truthful to herself - I can't imagine her with a nicely blowdried, highlighted bob. I can only imagine her as a woman with flowing long hair, streaming in the wind. (That reminds me of the huge disappointment as a young girl when I saw Princess Diana. In my head, a princess must have long, flowing locks. Her short fashionable cut was just so un-princess-like! Of course she had the right to define her own looks and did so successfully. But I'm always happy to see a princess with long hair. Some stereotypes are too nice to be given up...)

I don't like the assumption of envy (the correct word in this context is envy, not jealousy, if I'm informed correctly - envy means somebody has something that I'd like to have myself; jealousy means somebody loves somebody else more than me). Many people make bitchy remarks about long hair because they really don't like it.

In this case, I think the lady was very fascinated, very ambivalent and very much tempted to "go over to the other side". It is a fascinating hobby, this longhair care, if you think about it. A bit witchy with all this self brewing and growing herbs and mixing oils and knowing exactly what your hair likes. As though it was a separate being, some kind of magic addition or spiritual mirror of ourselves. There is something irrational about long, natural, well kept hair, and also some pretty radical rejection of society's standardized ideas of beauty. What do you mean, you don't spend hundreds of dollars at the salon? What do you mean, you treat your hair like a part of your body, not like raw material for fashionable styling?

It is intimidating and threatening. I can even understand why people reject it and stay in the safe boundaries of accepted fashion ;-)

I'm glad you helped that poor, envious, fascinated woman. She may become a long hair fanatic in time - you know, converts are the most eager adherents to any cult ;-)

[Amber_Maiden]

Wow, serious jealousy. It was nice of you to be so nice to her after she was so mean to you!!

[woolyleprechaun]

Gosh, I cant WAIT for my hair to be intimidating ;)

[uptosomeone]

Vatikagirl, I was really sorry for that woman when I read what you wrote. She is obviously fascinated but afraid of the committment, too. I'd really like to know how her hair growing journey is going.

there is something wild and sensual about long hair, something very sexy, and we all know it. The stereotype of the bunned lady who opens her hair and turns into Botticelli's Venus. The many things you can do with long hair which you can't do with short hair if you know what I mean ;-)

The archetype of the wild, liberated woman who is truthful to herself - I can't imagine her with a nicely blowdried, highlighted bob. I can only imagine her as a woman with flowing long hair, streaming in the wind. (That reminds me of the huge disappointment as a young girl when I saw Princess Diana. In my head, a princess must have long, flowing locks. Her short fashionable cut was just so un-princess-like! Of course she had the right to define her own looks and did so successfully. But I'm always happy to see a princess with long hair. Some stereotypes are too nice to be given up...)

I don't like the assumption of envy (the correct word in this context is envy, not jealousy, if I'm informed correctly - envy means somebody has something that I'd like to have myself; jealousy means somebody loves somebody else more than me). Many people make bitchy remarks about long hair because they really don't like it.

In this case, I think the lady was very fascinated, very ambivalent and very much tempted to "go over to the other side". It is a fascinating hobby, this longhair care, if you think about it. A bit witchy with all this self brewing and growing herbs and mixing oils and knowing exactly what your hair likes. As though it was a separate being, some kind of magic addition or spiritual mirror of ourselves. There is something irrational about long, natural, well kept hair, and also some pretty radical rejection of society's standardized ideas of beauty. What do you mean, you don't spend hundreds of dollars at the salon? What do you mean, you treat your hair like a part of your body, not like raw material for fashionable styling?

It is intimidating and threatening. I can even understand why people reject it and stay in the safe boundaries of accepted fashion ;-)

I'm glad you helped that poor, envious, fascinated woman. She may become a long hair fanatic in time - you know, converts are the most eager adherents to any cult ;-)

This is everything I wanted to say after reading through the thread, but better said. :)

[ladyshep]

I used to be intimidated by other long hairs when I used to have very short hair. Now that my hair is extremely long, yes, other people have been intimidated and jealous even saying saying similar things to what your friend said.

The truth is, even now I am still intimidatd by women with long hair, and I have very long hair myself. (A lot of my friends have long hair) It is so wierd.

[lolabird]

That is such an interesting question. I have never thought of it, though I have never had anyone say those sort of things to me either. My hair isn't currently that long but I don't have any experiences like that to draw from when I did have long hair. Her behaviour was certainly odd and almost like an attack. Whenever I encounter that sort of thing, I assume it's an insecurity about something on their part. Maybe you've inspired her to grow (her hair and maybe her attitude :p )

[MonaLisa]

From my point of view...there is something special about women with super short and with very long hair. Maybe that can be intimidating, it's different from majority.
Takes some attitude and courage to cut it very short.
And takes patience and courage and dedication to grow it very long and not fall for the fashion influences and trends...
Being a long hair, I do get intimidated by women with super short hair, curiousity and admiration in there as well.

I also think there is something special about men with longihs/long hair. Makes want to know what exactly....

[Charybdis]

A bit witchy with all this self brewing and growing herbs and mixing oils and knowing exactly what your hair likes. As though it was a separate being, some kind of magic addition or spiritual mirror of ourselves. There is something irrational about long, natural, well kept hair, and also some pretty radical rejection of society's standardized ideas of beauty. What do you mean, you don't spend hundreds of dollars at the salon? What do you mean, you treat your hair like a part of your body, not like raw material for fashionable styling?

Yes, THIS. That's why I started growing my hair out again once I decided that I didn't want to continue dying it as I slowly accumulate more white hairs. I was tired of treating my hair like an expensive accessory -- a kind of high-maintenance hat. Not that I didn't have fun with it while I did, but I was ready to enjoy my hair for itself rather than for how closely it could conform to some hypothetical ideal.

Although there's nothing irrational about not spending hundreds at the salon every 6 weeks. :D

[HintOfMint]

OP, I feel a bit bad for your husband's colleague's wife. Yes she was a bit rude with her initial dismissal of long hair, but it came from a troubled place. It took guts and shedding of a lot of pride to admit that her husband not only wants her hair different but wants it to look like someone else's wife's hair. It's sad.

I'm glad you were kind to her and helped her with her hair growing goal.

[EdG]

The archetype of the wild, liberated woman who is truthful to herself - I can't imagine her with a nicely blowdried, highlighted bob. I can only imagine her as a woman with flowing long hair, streaming in the wind.... and leaving thudpiles in her wake (as Dianyla once described the effect). :cheese:
Ed

[Long_hair_bear]

Nope. I intimidate people in other ways.

Some people are just arses. I don't think it is jealousy either even if people here like to claim it. They are just being mean. If it wasn't your hair, they would put you down for something else.

I agree. People can be mean about just about everything from your hair to your football team to your weight. Main point: if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. Also, people need to learn to mind their own business. You obviously like your hair long if you wear it that way and haven't cut it yet. :D

[Lilhypsy]

I see what is meant by intimidating-because this other woman was jealous and wasn't secure enough with herself to come out and ask instead of trying to "cut you down" (yep pun intended). Maybe it was due to her husbands adoration of your hair that made her feel inferior to it. Maybe she felt she could not attain what you have.
I think the way you handled it was commendable and kind. I have people ask me for tips, and I think its great to give others confidence where they may feel they need it. :)

[spidermom]

I don't know if intimidated is the right word, but I do have an acquaintance who asked me "can I have your hair?" She always wears an up-do, and she took her hair down to show me that most of it was an added hair piece. I think she's a bit envious.

[HintOfMint]

I don't like the assumption of envy (the correct word in this context is envy, not jealousy, if I'm informed correctly - envy means somebody has something that I'd like to have myself; jealousy means somebody loves somebody else more than me). Many people make bitchy remarks about long hair because they really don't like it.

In this case, I think the lady was very fascinated, very ambivalent and very much tempted to "go over to the other side".

Just being nitpicky and curious here, but since the envious woman's husband preferred the OP's hair to hers, could jealousy (the real definition) actually apply here. She was upset at the transfer of admiration from her hair to the OP's hair. Is this right? Or is it still envy? Or is it both?

[3azza]

I guess someone was intimidated by mine or by me, one woman and her daughter, gave me a hard time about cutting my hair. Then she bragged about how long her hair was when she was my age ( and I've seen photos of that period, and it was SHORT), then she justified that her daughter's hair is kept short because "some one envied her and threw a spell, so it keeps falling off"!

[Diamond.Eyes]

I sometimes feel that my hair intimidates people, but then again I don't want to sound arrogant. I just often have girls around my age staring at my hair for long periods of time without saying anything. I assume they are too intimidated to approach me, or maybe just shy. Who knows. This is a pretty grey topic, but I too have experienced many contradicting people making negative comments about my hair but then they go and dye it red. I don't want people to feel that way though, If people ask me about hair care I always give them the best advice I can.

[Renate]

That's funny, because that simply doesn't happen here. Brazilian woman LOVE long hair, they all want to have it long. The soap opera actresses started cutting their hair, and even with all the magazines saying it was the new thing, you see very few women with short hair.

[heidi w.]

I have no idea and don't care if someone else is "Intimidated" by my hair. I also don't overly entertain a lot of questions. I figure if they want to know about hair care they can do their own homework, as I did.

I also try to ensure my hair is pretty much never a topic of conversation. I don't like discussing it. I don't want to hear what people think about my hair. It's my hair and none of their affair, just as I don't go around commenting on other people's hair. That's their choice.

I don't have anything against anyone who prefers a shorter and/or style per se to their hair. It's their affair, and none of my business.

The only thing is that I'm sometimes tempted to step in and recommend solutions for women who have thinning hair or evidence of a possible thyroid condition. But I never do, unless they bring it up to me.

A lot of people in the past I've provided with information, and for the most part, they don't really listen nor care nor pay attention. They think I'm a wackadoo. I'm just so not interested in their opinions on my hair.

I never believe anyone could be jealous or intimidated by me in any way. I just don't think like that. Ever. It never occurs to me. I just go about my days and do the best I can and help people when I can. But my hair and any information I may have is not up for discussion. It's really kind of boring to me to discuss my hair, although this was't always the case. It's just that now I have a life to save, and I'm really involved in that. No one is helping me with that project either.

heidi w.

[vatikagirl]

That's funny, because that simply doesn't happen here. Brazilian woman LOVE long hair, they all want to have it long. The soap opera actresses started cutting their hair, and even with all the magazines saying it was the new thing, you see very few women with short hair.
thats really nice to know, sometimes people do feel out of place when it come to having long hair. As mentioned above in this thread short hair people too can be intimidating.

[Kizuna]

It's so nice of you to encourage that girl to grow long hair. I wish I had a friend like that when my hair was short and all icky ...

My hair is not really long yet as I plan to grow it to TBL but a few months ago I went to my high school reunion and had the longest hair there. So ok, I didn't even noticed that but then I was talking to some of my ex school-mates and a girl (all polished looking with a fancy long bob dyed far too dark for her complexion) asked me what's up with my hair ... I said nothing much, I just leave it alone (which ofcourse is a lie but I didn't want to talk to her about my natural hair care and oils and self-trimming and so on) and she said: Well, you really should do something about it, you're not so young anymore to pull that natural look off. I was like: WHAT? What has age to do with hair anyway, and I'm not even 30! WTH??? So then I looked around me and realized that all my female schoolmates had those soccermom or middle-aged-lady hairstyles - polished and freshly cut, but nothing longer than shoulder length. And we're not even 30!!! Well anyway, at home I told my bf what happened to me and he laughed so hard ... But it's kind of sad, isn't it?
Now I don't care about how long anyone's hair is as long as the person wearing it is happy with it, but I reeally don't appreciate when being convinced that MY hair is not appropriate. I just can't wait for the next reunion, hopefully then my hair will me at least WL :P

That's kind of sad really. I haven't had a reunion yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if I was the one with the longest hair either. Long hair is a bit fashionable here, but most people achieve it by extensions and not by growing. If they don't have fake long hair it's usually a bit short and polished. The reason I chose to get long hair was so that I wouldn't wear one of those middle aged hairstyles.

[EtherealDoll]

I'm not sure if people are intimidated by my hair. I had a 2 girls say that I'm old-fashioned and long hair makes me look like a twelve-year old, but I can't help having chubby cheeks(I'm already 5 pounds underweight, I can't lose anymore weight). One of them had shoulder length hair and the other one - around BSL and their hair seemed to be in good condition, so I don't think they were envious. Maybe they were just being mean.

[Anywhere]

I'm not sure if people are intimidated by my hair. I had a 2 girls say that I'm old-fashioned and long hair makes me look like a twelve-year old, but I can't help having chubby cheeks(I'm already 5 pounds underweight, I can't lose anymore weight). One of them had shoulder length hair and the other one - around BSL and their hair seemed to be in good condition, so I don't think they were envious. Maybe they were just being mean.

I went to a nail salon place for my 18th birthday as a treat. When I told them how old I was they were shocked, they told me they thought I was 12 or 13.

Clearly we have found the fountain of youth. :p


ETA: oh to post to the OP: nope. My hair would never intimidate anyone. It is very obedient and leaves everyone else alone.

It is far too thin to produce envy as well.

And for the envy/jealousy thing.. Jealousy works. From the Oxford English Dictionary:

Jealousy, n. : The quality of being jealous.

how helpful. :rolleyes:



jealous, adj. :
1. Vehement in feeling, as in wrath, desire, or devotion
2. Ardently amorous; covetous of the love of another, fond, lustful. Obs
3. Zealous or solicitous for the preservation or well-being of something possessed or esteemed; vigilant or careful in guarding; suspiciously careful or watchful.
4. Troubled by the belief, suspicion, or fear that the good which one desires to gain or keep for oneself has been or may be diverted to another; resentful towards another on account of known or suspected rivalry


So while definition #2 is correct.. it is (if Obs is what I think it is..) obsolete. Using it the way we are seems correct to me. :flower:

[luxepiggy]

I'm too little to be intimidating (^(oo)~)


I went to a nail salon place for my 18th birthday as a treat. When I told them how old I was they were shocked, they told me they thought I was 12 or 13.

Clearly we have found the fountain of youth. :p
You know, something very similar happened to me yesterday. My mom happened to come along with me to the DMV, where I needed to renew my license. The guy at the counter gave us a renewal form to fill out, then did a double take, looked at me, and goes, "oh wait, it's for YOUR license? How old are you? Do you already have a permit?"

Apparently he thought I was a high school student who was applying for my first license - I'm almost 30!! (^(oo)^)`

[Sushi144]

Being a long hair, I do get intimidated by women with super short hair, curiousity and admiration in there as well.

I feel like that too !
I don't know if I intimidate people with my hair. Most of them are just curious, a very few are fascinated, but not so much.
Maybe because in France people behave like nothing was ever exceptionnal. ^^

[vatikagirl]

Anywhere- "Clearly we have found the fountain of youth."

I love that comment.

[HappyHair87]

When i rock my afro...whether blown out or a curly fro....people tend to get irregular in the mind and face:lol:

Sometimes they project their rude comments too....but that don't phase me!:afro:

[Amiblue]

She wasn't intimidated. She was without a single doubt in my mind JEALOUS. She is jealous that your long, beautiful hair is appreciated and loved by your own husband.

This woman is upset that her own hair isn't as beautiful or as long as yours, and the fact that her own husband doesn't currently like her hair as it is right now and he wishes that it was long and beautiful like your hair vatikagirl.

And on a side note, I seriously fail to see how long hair can truthfully intimidate anyone at all. Its just hair for heaven's sake, its not a venomous cobra ready to bite you!

I really do feel that all the negative comments in the world that are directed towards people with exceptionally long hair are due to them either (A)Being jealous that you were able to have the patience and dedication to grow your own hair out where as they didn't or (B) Since exceptionally long hair, and I mean lengths longer than waist length for a female, and shoulder length for a male are now generally uncommon in the mainstream society, that many people simply have been socially taught that men and women are supposed to fit specific gender roles. So men are supposed to be 'tough and agressive and strong at all times' and have short, cropped hair and be ready to fight in a war, where as women are supposed to be pretty, petite, dainty little things with long hair so that they can be enjoyed for the viewing pleasure of the men.

Ditto and awesome answer! :agree:

[indiana]

Over the Christmas holidays, I was contemplating a big chop. My son who was home visiting from college says "Don't chop it off. You are much more 'powerful' with the long hair".

I must have some sort of Sampson complex here. :)

[princessp]

Nope. I intimidate people in other ways.
Lol!


"My hubby always wants my hair to be like yours". I got the crux, I could clearly see that she was totally intimidated by my hair, which I never assumed.

Hmmm, I wouldn't call this intimidation I'd say this is a little sad. I can't imagine what I would feel like if my DH said he wanted my hair, my body, my whatever to be like someone else's. I'd feel compassion for her more than anything else (and if possible keep my hair up around her seemingly thoughtless hubby). To be completely honest, I know some people have hair ******es which is why I usually wear mine up in public. I get a lot of unwanted attention if I wear it down. Not saying you shouldn't be able to wear it down, I mean especially since you were in your own house. I am just saying these are the things we longhairs have to deal with on occasion. And before we take it down we probably should ask ourselves if we want to deal with the questions/comments/drool :p etc. But anyway I am glad you are helping her out that is very nice of you.

[maborosi]

I wouldn't call it intimidation- that sounds a lot more like jealousy to me!

I got told by a girl from my school to "just chop it off", then a few weeks later, same girl was raving on about taking biotin and using oils so she can have "super long hair".

~maborosi~

[swearnsue]

I think that is so sad, I can just imagine how the wife must have felt when hubby told her he wanted her to have hair like yours. You are very kind to help her after the awful things she said to you. Next her husband will want her to get breast augmentation, etc. etc. I guess I'm being a bit negative but if her husband would say that to her what else will he want her to change.

[Vanille_]

Maybe I'm a terrible person. I would love to have hair that intimidates people or perhaps causes jealousy.

Something that makes me stand out and is exceptional.

[beachgirlla]

She wasn't intimidated. She was without a single doubt in my mind JEALOUS. She is jealous that your long, beautiful hair is appreciated and loved by your own husband.

This woman is upset that her own hair isn't as beautiful or as long as yours, and the fact that her own husband doesn't currently like her hair as it is right now and he wishes that it was long and beautiful like your hair vatikagirl.

And on a side note, I seriously fail to see how long hair can truthfully intimidate anyone at all. Its just hair for heaven's sake, its not a venomous cobra ready to bite you!

I really do feel that all the negative comments in the world that are directed towards people with exceptionally long hair are due to them either (A)Being jealous that you were able to have the patience and dedication to grow your own hair out where as they didn't or (B) Since exceptionally long hair, and I mean lengths longer than waist length for a female, and shoulder length for a male are now generally uncommon in the mainstream society, that many people simply have been socially taught that men and women are supposed to fit specific gender roles. So men are supposed to be 'tough and agressive and strong at all times' and have short, cropped hair and be ready to fight in a war, where as women are supposed to be pretty, petite, dainty little things with long hair so that they can be enjoyed for the viewing pleasure of the men.

That what i was going to say, totally true.
There is good genetic reason why some people have beautiful hair, some chop it short and other take care of it and grow it long, others do not have this genetic bless (like me for example, lol) but may be able to achieve something which is better than nothing :), beautiful & health long hair is a lot of work and commitment plus there may be some sacrifices along the way to get long hair, basically what i found out on this forum (thanks for everyone) that LONG hair has to be HEALTHY first to be able to go long, end of story, no 2nd solution, many people can not give up bleaching their hair blond, they may have brown or black hair and want blond hair and long hair, how can this be??, others (like me) do not like their curly hair and tried to get the straight hair using some chemical method which of course damage the hair that prevent it from getting long (assuming these people have so so hair genes to start with :), so YES these people are jealous, they think you are using some secret and not disclosing it when in fact 50% of your beautiful hair is gene, the other 50% is taking care of it + sacrificing many other things like chemical dyes, perm, chemical straightening, hot styling, using cones or SLS and so on, I bet many of the beautiful ladies here who have straight hair may want to use the curling iron on some night out but they would not do it because they are committed to get HEALTHY beautiful hair
I would tell your friend to get lost :)

[alyanna]

Vatikagirl, I was really sorry for that woman when I read what you wrote. She is obviously fascinated but afraid of the committment, too. I'd really like to know how her hair growing journey is going.

there is something wild and sensual about long hair, something very sexy, and we all know it. The stereotype of the bunned lady who opens her hair and turns into Botticelli's Venus. The many things you can do with long hair which you can't do with short hair if you know what I mean ;-)

The archetype of the wild, liberated woman who is truthful to herself - I can't imagine her with a nicely blowdried, highlighted bob. I can only imagine her as a woman with flowing long hair, streaming in the wind. (That reminds me of the huge disappointment as a young girl when I saw Princess Diana. In my head, a princess must have long, flowing locks. Her short fashionable cut was just so un-princess-like! Of course she had the right to define her own looks and did so successfully. But I'm always happy to see a princess with long hair. Some stereotypes are too nice to be given up...)

I don't like the assumption of envy (the correct word in this context is envy, not jealousy, if I'm informed correctly - envy means somebody has something that I'd like to have myself; jealousy means somebody loves somebody else more than me). Many people make bitchy remarks about long hair because they really don't like it.

In this case, I think the lady was very fascinated, very ambivalent and very much tempted to "go over to the other side". It is a fascinating hobby, this longhair care, if you think about it. A bit witchy with all this self brewing and growing herbs and mixing oils and knowing exactly what your hair likes. As though it was a separate being, some kind of magic addition or spiritual mirror of ourselves. There is something irrational about long, natural, well kept hair, and also some pretty radical rejection of society's standardized ideas of beauty. What do you mean, you don't spend hundreds of dollars at the salon? What do you mean, you treat your hair like a part of your body, not like raw material for fashionable styling?

It is intimidating and threatening. I can even understand why people reject it and stay in the safe boundaries of accepted fashion ;-)

I'm glad you helped that poor, envious, fascinated woman. She may become a long hair fanatic in time - you know, converts are the most eager adherents to any cult ;-)

Haven't read all the replies yet, but what a beautiful post Melisande! Nicely worded, nice imagery and very inspirational. :toast:

[Long_hair_bear]

I'm too little to be intimidating (^(oo)~)


You know, something very similar happened to me yesterday. My mom happened to come along with me to the DMV, where I needed to renew my license. The guy at the counter gave us a renewal form to fill out, then did a double take, looked at me, and goes, "oh wait, it's for YOUR license? How old are you? Do you already have a permit?"

Apparently he thought I was a high school student who was applying for my first license - I'm almost 30!! (^(oo)^)`

That happens to me a lot. I'm almost 26 and still get carded for 18+ stuff and alcohol. :)

[Mesmerise]

I'm too little to be intimidating (^(oo)~)


You know, something very similar happened to me yesterday. My mom happened to come along with me to the DMV, where I needed to renew my license. The guy at the counter gave us a renewal form to fill out, then did a double take, looked at me, and goes, "oh wait, it's for YOUR license? How old are you? Do you already have a permit?"

Apparently he thought I was a high school student who was applying for my first license - I'm almost 30!! (^(oo)^)`

Funny! I had to renew my license earlier this year, and as I'd had it for 10 years I was supposed to have a new photo taken. I went in there and she filled it all out and stamped it etc. and didn't ask me for a new photo. This was fine by me as I HATE pictures!

Well I didn't get my new license sent so I called them and they said I had to have a new pic. Darn it! So I went back to the licensing place, spoke to a guy, went to the booth to have my pic taken. He looks at the computer, then looks at me and then says, "No, they've made a mistake you don't need a new picture". So by the time I'm 48 and up for renewal again, I'll have a 20 year old license photo lol. Obviously I haven't changed much in 10 years ;).

And back on the subject of intimidating hair... well I haven't experienced this (at the moment my hair's not that long lol), but really where I live long hair is relatively common. When I went to my high school reunion, my BSL hair was in no way the longest hair there (and it was a 20 year reunion so we're talking people 37/38 years old here). There were a few with short hair, but most had mediumish hair (well shoulder to APL I'd say) and a few had it BSL+. I've never been told that I'm getting too old to grow my hair long, and I'm very glad of this!!

I do think people can be jealous of long hair though. I know I feel twinges of envy when I see beautiful long hair!! Sure not everyone will feel this way, but for those who can't seem to grow their hair long and pretty, and whose husbands may admire long hair, it's quite possible they ARE envious of long hair!

[PixxieStix]

Vatikagirl, I was really sorry for that woman when I read what you wrote. She is obviously fascinated but afraid of the committment, too. I'd really like to know how her hair growing journey is going.

there is something wild and sensual about long hair, something very sexy, and we all know it. The stereotype of the bunned lady who opens her hair and turns into Botticelli's Venus. The many things you can do with long hair which you can't do with short hair if you know what I mean ;-)

The archetype of the wild, liberated woman who is truthful to herself - I can't imagine her with a nicely blowdried, highlighted bob. I can only imagine her as a woman with flowing long hair, streaming in the wind. (That reminds me of the huge disappointment as a young girl when I saw Princess Diana. In my head, a princess must have long, flowing locks. Her short fashionable cut was just so un-princess-like! Of course she had the right to define her own looks and did so successfully. But I'm always happy to see a princess with long hair. Some stereotypes are too nice to be given up...)

I don't like the assumption of envy (the correct word in this context is envy, not jealousy, if I'm informed correctly - envy means somebody has something that I'd like to have myself; jealousy means somebody loves somebody else more than me). Many people make bitchy remarks about long hair because they really don't like it.

In this case, I think the lady was very fascinated, very ambivalent and very much tempted to "go over to the other side". It is a fascinating hobby, this longhair care, if you think about it. A bit witchy with all this self brewing and growing herbs and mixing oils and knowing exactly what your hair likes. As though it was a separate being, some kind of magic addition or spiritual mirror of ourselves. There is something irrational about long, natural, well kept hair, and also some pretty radical rejection of society's standardized ideas of beauty. What do you mean, you don't spend hundreds of dollars at the salon? What do you mean, you treat your hair like a part of your body, not like raw material for fashionable styling?

It is intimidating and threatening. I can even understand why people reject it and stay in the safe boundaries of accepted fashion ;-)

I'm glad you helped that poor, envious, fascinated woman. She may become a long hair fanatic in time - you know, converts are the most eager adherents to any cult ;-)

I am so glad I am not the only one who does not immediately jump the conclusion that someone is envious of anothers hair. Sometimes people have a hard time admitting they are curious about something, and initially do not know how to go about asking questions. I am certain there are many people in the world who truly do think long hair is gross/unmanageable/whatever, and would not want long, thick, healthy hair on their heads for anything in the world. And sometimes, people just are trying to find something to pick on to make themselves feel better because of whatever insecurities they carry around about themselves.

I'm glad you have been so helpful to her and a wonderful support for growing out her hair. That is very kind of you, and I'm sure she will be forever grateful for your advice. It saddens me that at first she could not bring herself to talk to you about hair in the way she wanted, but she got there. I often find people mention topics in strange ways at first when it is something they are interested in talking to you about but don't know how to approach it in a way that does not make them feel inadequate/inferior/less knowledgeable in some way though.

As for me, I do not believe my hair intimidates others at all. I've had comments on how shiny and healthy my hair is and asked questions on what I use to make it so, and I'm always happy to answer those questions. My hair is not enviable length by any means, but some day it will be. I currently have three friends recently taken under my wing to help them with their long hair growing goals. We're going to have an S&D party this weekend or the next. :D

[KwaveT]

It makes me wonder what possessed that woman's husband. Men absolutely hate being compared unfavorably to other men by their SO. We call it disrespect. What makes him think that doing the same thing to her is going to accomplish. If nothing else, it makes her extremely insecure about herself. It is most definitely jealousy on her part. I have to agree she swallowed a lot of pride admitting that her husband like your hair. You did right by helping her with her long hair journey. I don't believe in returning evil with evil. You return evil with good. You disarm people when you do this.

[Bene]

I don't think it envy, I don't think she was intimidated, and I certainly don't think it was the hair.

[Raiscake]

A lot of women where I live have very long hair (waist or tailbone) simply through benign neglect. It's not as impressive here, I'm afraid! You'd turn heads with long, curly hair though.

[ericthegreat]

I don't think it envy, I don't think she was intimidated, and I certainly don't think it was the hair.

You may possibly be right Bene. The thing is, none of us except vatikagirl has even met this woman, and we certainly weren't there to witness their encounter firsthand, so the best that any of us can do is to give our educated opinions based on our previous experiences with other people who have treated us in the same way.

If it wasn't about the hair, then perhaps this woman is passive-aggressively assuming or suggesting that she doesn't like vatikagirl for x reason. Actually, now I think I do know the reason why this woman spoke to vatikagirl the way she did, but I will refrain from saying it in case I'm totally wrong about it.

[Cocoa_Crema]

Sometimes I think women can be so mean. Beauty makes some women green with envy....sometimes to a point where they decide not to like you.

[vatikagirl]

Lol!



Hmmm, I wouldn't call this intimidation I'd say this is a little sad. I can't imagine what I would feel like if my DH said he wanted my hair, my body, my whatever to be like someone else's. I'd feel compassion for her more than anything else (and if possible keep my hair up around her seemingly thoughtless hubby). To be completely honest, I know some people have hair ******es which is why I usually wear mine up in public. I get a lot of unwanted attention if I wear it down. Not saying you shouldn't be able to wear it down, I mean especially since you were in your own house. I am just saying these are the things we longhairs have to deal with on occasion. And before we take it down we probably should ask ourselves if we want to deal with the questions/comments/drool :p etc. But anyway I am glad you are helping her out that is very nice of you.

I'm totally with you on this one, I never ever wear my hair down whenever I'm out of my home, its always in a braid or bun. I always make it a point to keep my hair tied when there are guests esp formal friends. But that day it was just me and that girl and it was a wash day..

[vatikagirl]

Maybe I'm a terrible person. I would love to have hair that intimidates people or perhaps causes jealousy.

Something that makes me stand out and is exceptional.

Actually there is nothing bad in feeling so. Depends on individual personality. You can feel whatever you wish to feel.

[vatikagirl]

I don't think it envy, I don't think she was intimidated, and I certainly don't think it was the hair.
I wonder what else it could be, I wasn't expecting such attack for no reason!!
I guess HUMANS are driven by emotions so she went to the primal feeling of eliminating the opponent. God know what was on her mind.
I agree that its the insensitivity that her DH showed but then why lash out on me, its their personal matter. I behaved in a way I felt I should so that she doesn't feel alone and cornered, somehow I did what I could out of PITY I guess. Don't know for sure but the feeling was quiet raw to explain.
By the way, an update, she has started off with her castor oil therapy and is going to be chop free in 2012. This is her 2012 resolution she said. Good for her :)

[vatikagirl]

You may possibly be right Bene. The thing is, none of us except vatikagirl has even met this woman, and we certainly weren't there to witness their encounter firsthand, so the best that any of us can do is to give our educated opinions based on our previous experiences with other people who have treated us in the same way.

If it wasn't about the hair, then perhaps this woman is passive-aggressively assuming or suggesting that she doesn't like vatikagirl for x reason. Actually, now I think I do know the reason why this woman spoke to vatikagirl the way she did, but I will refrain from saying it in case I'm totally wrong about it.
You can share it with me in a private message if you want to. Wouldn't force you to but all diagnosis are most welcome.

[Vanille_]

Eh. I still think my comment sounds bad. I guess if you knew me, it would make more sense. I'm like the nicest person I know. I love everyone and see the best in everyone, but never in myself. I think I'm absolutely plain (or in some areas below average). So my comment was just to say it would be nice to have one exceptional thing :)

[vatikagirl]

Eh. I still think my comment sounds bad. I guess if you knew me, it would make more sense. I'm like the nicest person I know. I love everyone and see the best in everyone, but never in myself. I think I'm absolutely plain (or in some areas below average). So my comment was just to say it would be nice to have one exceptional thing :)
You don't have to explain yourself and I totally agree that we all have different personalities and different attitude towards life. Keep rocking. :)

[ArienEllariel]

Ah, see she probably feels intimidated like you said/feels inferior to you because her husband pretty much said he likes so and so's hair and not hers. If she already was dealing with feelings of "I'm not good enough" this would just fuel that fire.

I know this from experience. I used to have crappy lifeless hair and honestly, pretty women (especially if they had nice hair) intimidated me. I felt inferior to them and it seemed like nothing I could do would bridge that gap so that we could all be equal. Such is the price of comparison.

[kamikaze hair]

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. But its great to see that you handled the situation really well. Cheers to you!:toast: Especially to have someone be so negative towards you in your own house, i would have found that really threatening, and rude. I feel kind of sorry for the OP though, not that i'm excusing her behaviour, but I can see what influenced her to behave that way. (Bad, Bad husband :pins: )

[MagicalMystery]

She wasn't intimidated. She was without a single doubt in my mind JEALOUS. She is jealous that your long, beautiful hair is appreciated and loved by your own husband.

This woman is upset that her own hair isn't as beautiful or as long as yours, and the fact that her own husband doesn't currently like her hair as it is right now and he wishes that it was long and beautiful like your hair vatikagirl.

And on a side note, I seriously fail to see how long hair can truthfully intimidate anyone at all. Its just hair for heaven's sake, its not a venomous cobra ready to bite you!

I really do feel that all the negative comments in the world that are directed towards people with exceptionally long hair are due to them either (A)Being jealous that you were able to have the patience and dedication to grow your own hair out where as they didn't or (B) Since exceptionally long hair, and I mean lengths longer than waist length for a female, and shoulder length for a male are now generally uncommon in the mainstream society, that many people simply have been socially taught that men and women are supposed to fit specific gender roles. So men are supposed to be 'tough and agressive and strong at all times' and have short, cropped hair and be ready to fight in a war, where as women are supposed to be pretty, petite, dainty little things with long hair so that they can be enjoyed for the viewing pleasure of the men.

I second that. Definitely jealousy.

[Teazel]

I think you handled the situation really well, vatikagirl. Good for you! :)


I never believe anyone could be jealous or intimidated by me in any way. I just don't think like that. Ever. It never occurs to me.

Me, too. The idea of intimidating anyone just does not fit with my own self image, yet I've been told often enough that someone's been intimidated by me for some reason or other that I suppose I have to accept it's possible. Weird. :shrug:

in·tim·i·date: 2. to overawe or cow, as through the force of personality or by superior display of wealth, talent, etc.

So in theory I could intimidate though a superior display of hair. :silly: Well, in fact a friend did say a while back that just when she thought, "Ooh, my hair's getting long", then she thinks of me and goes, "Oh, no it's not...." Which is sort of sad. The price of comparison, as ArienEllariel said.

Melisande, I loved your post. You rock! :rockerdud

(Off-topic, I just noticed there's a tiny mouse running around the room. :bigeyes:)

[vatikagirl]

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. But its great to see that you handled the situation really well. Cheers to you!:toast: Especially to have someone be so negative towards you in your own house, i would have found that really threatening, and rude. I feel kind of sorry for the OP though, not that i'm excusing her behaviour, but I can see what influenced her to behave that way. (Bad, Bad husband :pins: )


I think you handled the situation really well, vatikagirl. Good for you! :)



Me, too. The idea of intimidating anyone just does not fit with my own self image, yet I've been told often enough that someone's been intimidated by me for some reason or other that I suppose I have to accept it's possible. Weird. :shrug:

in·tim·i·date: 2. to overawe or cow, as through the force of personality or by superior display of wealth, talent, etc.

So in theory I could intimidate though a superior display of hair. :silly: Well, in fact a friend did say a while back that just when she thought, "Ooh, my hair's getting long", then she thinks of me and goes, "Oh, no it's not...." Which is sort of sad. The price of comparison, as ArienEllariel said.

Melisande, I loved your post. You rock! :rockerdud

(Off-topic, I just noticed there's a tiny mouse running around the room. :bigeyes:)


Ah, see she probably feels intimidated like you said/feels inferior to you because her husband pretty much said he likes so and so's hair and not hers. If she already was dealing with feelings of "I'm not good enough" this would just fuel that fire.

I know this from experience. I used to have crappy lifeless hair and honestly, pretty women (especially if they had nice hair) intimidated me. I felt inferior to them and it seemed like nothing I could do would bridge that gap so that we could all be equal. Such is the price of comparison.

Thanks guys for all the love. Atleast not feeling that weird now. Thanks for all the good words and support.

[Mesmerise]

Eh. I still think my comment sounds bad. I guess if you knew me, it would make more sense. I'm like the nicest person I know. I love everyone and see the best in everyone, but never in myself. I think I'm absolutely plain (or in some areas below average). So my comment was just to say it would be nice to have one exceptional thing :)

This absolutely 100% makes sense to me! I'd like to have something about me that is gorgeous and stands out too!!

[ArienEllariel]

(Off-topic, I just noticed there's a tiny mouse running around the room. :bigeyes:)

ooh, did you get it out of the house? I like mice.. but I've never had any in my house. Hopefully you didn't have to kill it.

[Teazel]

ooh, did you get it out of the house? I like mice.. but I've never had any in my house. Hopefully you didn't have to kill it.

It seems to have disappeared, thankfully. Maybe it went out whatever mysterious way it came in! :)

[Lilli]

Anywhere- "Clearly we have found the fountain of youth."

I love that comment.


I have found it to be true. I did the typical "had kids cut my hair" in my late 20s. Now that it is APL+ and I am 33, people keep telling me that I "look like a teenager" or "haven't aged a day since high school."

[teal]

Nope. I intimidate people in other ways.

This, most definitely. I'm sure I've lost myself some potential friends by being a bit abrasive or too blunt.

I can't imagine someone "attacking" me over my hair, or much else for that matter. Definitely not someone I would be well acquainted with, because most people find in short order that I don't suffer fools gladly.

[papera]

Poor friend of yours Vatikagirl, I guess she is rather intimidated by her husband's comparison and then got jealous because you have the hair she doesn't. I hope she really grows the hair because she WANTS TO, and not because of her husband ...
Anyway, nice from you to be so helpful after she attacked you for your hair, dunno if I would/ could be ...

I don't think I ever intimidated people with my hair ... a good friend of mine made some funny comments about how boring long hair is and she doesn't understand why some people would wear it long if they never "do" anything with it .. she always excluded me, saying I was trying at least other stuff, but I still don't understand why she talks to me about that ... she herself has a typical fashionable, bleached hair style, which suits her perfectly well, but you can style this short hair just in one way, not many. I guess the next time she says such things to me I will tell her in a friendly way not to discuss these things with me as I love long hair and because I personally think that short hair is boring :p

But usually people are surprised to see the length of my hair (past hip) because I mostly wear it in a bun, and they compliment it and/ or are fascinated by it.

But also understand the jealousy, envy, and intimidation some women/ girls have for other women/ girls with long and luscious hair ... I have wavy, ashen-darkblond hair, and I sometimes wish that my hair would be more blond (many people say I have brown hair :(), more curly, or in a fascinating hair colour, such as red or bright blond ... I would never dye or perm or do anything chemical with my hair. I think it is good the way it is, but then I also wish it to be more exceptional, eye-catching, different, etc ... aye, this is such a contradiction in itself! :p

Some women have a tendency to just not be happy with who they are, the way they look and compare themselves with other women, including myself (and despite that I am a quite confident person I cannot change that ..). And a husband that compares his wife with another woman makes this issue even worse!

[akuamoonmaui]

I think jealousy/intimidation are of a like mind. I see that a lot here. I put my hair up at work, but keep it down on the weekends. We have tourists here (duh) and I see how my hair "affects" couples who, in my opinion, may not "appreciate" each other as much as they should. I'm minding my own business going about my day, but can't help but see how people react to my hair. They tend to be very "conventional" looking couples and I imagine the "island lifestyle" is not a concept they accept as a possible reality. I get dirty looks from the wives and this :shocked: from the husbands. Sometimes I think this :slap: happens in the car.....

So, I can relate to the OP's thread.

[lilravendark]

It sounds more like insecurity because you have long hair and her husband likes long hair she feels less attractive in your presence. She's probably scared her husband's looking more at you then her lol sad but probably true. When people are that insecure they will say stupid things to make themselves feel better. Glad she eventually came to her senses and is now a better friend.

[Lady Neeva]

The only responses I get is "Wow..your is so pretty." Quite trite, to think.
Typically, my hair is always up. If it's down, my mom will complain about the mass of hair on the floor.

[vatikagirl]

I guess what you all mentioned is true in a sense. It might have been insecurity what she felt or it might just have been jealousy, may be she wanted to feel good about herself, or may be she was just frustrated with her husband's comment.

The thing is that her hair has gene's to grow hair but she didn't want to handle the hassles of growing them, but after befriending me some few years ago... she constantly commented on how smart short hair can be etc, just like few of us have been hearing from our friends, but this time it was like something different, I really want to think that she wanted to ask for help and advice but was just afraid so it came out as an attack and then plea for help.

Anyways, I knew somewhat about her nature and kept my cool which help me not to loose a friend over a trivial matter. After it all ended (hair related talks and tortures) we made a pizza and had a fun time.

These days she says that I'm like her "younger sister"... :o
I guess she has realised is someway that her nature is not so perfect after all. She even has admitted to me that she is not a perfect mom to her kids, which I guess every woman feels who has kids and is juggling with home and kids etc, anyways not important.
So I think she really is opening up to me these days which is nice in a way as I'm bad at doing these things.

[3azza]

You know Vatikagirl, with such a beautiful hair like yours, i don't blame her if she's jealous, and if my husband complemented somebody else and wanted me to look like them that would turn my envy button on straight away. That would be a very natural and possible reaction.

[vatikagirl]

You know Vatikagirl, with such a beautiful hair like yours, i don't blame her if she's jealous, and if my husband complemented somebody else and wanted me to look like them that would turn my envy button on straight away. That would be a very natural and possible reaction.
I shall take it as a compliment. :p
What you are saying is right but then it hurts me to hear mean things without my fault. But as I mentioned its all well, I made peace with things but the best thing that happened is I got to know more on psychology of my friend, I can surely say she is not good in asking for help :)

[Deborah]

I sure hope not. I don't want to make anyone feel badly.

[Viperalus]

Great topic! Well, if long hair worn down are intimidating to others, imagine then what that means for men wearing long or quite long hair down.

Whenever I wear my BCL hair down I get quite diverse looks and many of them I read as intimidating. But it doesn't really bothers me. You see, people are way too small minded, they are incredibly formatted from the standards and the norm of these societies that are blinded to the fact that the nature of hair is to grow long on both sexes.

If someone likes long hair then he/she is free to wear his/her hair long however wishes to. Period! :)))

Believe in yourself and be the inspiration for yourselves, YOU matter first, no-one else. It's not arrogant, it's self-awareness! http://i1021.photobucket.com/albums/af334/Viperalus/Emoticons/approve.gif

[vatikagirl]

Great topic! Well, if long hair worn down are intimidating to others, imagine then what that means for men wearing long or quite long hair down.

Whenever I wear my BCL hair down I get quite diverse looks and many of them I read as intimidating. But it doesn't really bothers me. You see, people are way too small minded, they are incredibly formatted from the standards and the norm of these societies that are blinded to the fact that the nature of hair is to grow long on both sexes.

If someone likes long hair then he/she is free to wear his/her hair long however wishes to. Period! :)))

Believe in yourself and be the inspiration for yourselves, YOU matter first, no-one else. It's not arrogant, it's self-awareness! http://i1021.photobucket.com/albums/af334/Viperalus/Emoticons/approve.gif
Thats the exact take about what I feel in any matter. What I do or what I have is my business. Cheers.

[ArienEllariel]

I think jealousy/intimidation are of a like mind. I see that a lot here. I put my hair up at work, but keep it down on the weekends. We have tourists here (duh) and I see how my hair "affects" couples who, in my opinion, may not "appreciate" each other as much as they should. I'm minding my own business going about my day, but can't help but see how people react to my hair. They tend to be very "conventional" looking couples and I imagine the "island lifestyle" is not a concept they accept as a possible reality. I get dirty looks from the wives and this :shocked: from the husbands. Sometimes I think this :slap: happens in the car.....

So, I can relate to the OP's thread.

Oh, goodness. That must be interesting to see, especially since your intention isn't to distract the men and cause their wives to be jealous/upset. I can totally understand why you'd wear your hair up then. I never even considered that something like that could happen coming into contact with complete strangers.

[Lamb]

I do wish husbands would think a bit more carefully about what they say to their wives, especially when it comes to their wives appearance. Especially when it comes to comparing their wives to other women in terms of anything, hair length included.

I have yet to hear a wife telling her husband she wishes he had a beard like XY's husband. :rolleyes:

A little consideration goes a long way. I feel sorry for the OP's friend.

[silverstars]

It isn't my hair that seems to intimidate people :) . I've had people tell me that I am intimidating. Apparently my 'I'm concentrating on what you are saying so I can learn something new' face is scary....who knew. I think its funny because I'm rather short at 5'3'' :)

[ladyshep]

This absolutely 100% makes sense to me! I'd like to have something about me that is gorgeous and stands out too!!


I think jealousy/intimidation are of a like mind. I see that a lot here. I put my hair up at work, but keep it down on the weekends. We have tourists here (duh) and I see how my hair "affects" couples who, in my opinion, may not "appreciate" each other as much as they should. I'm minding my own business going about my day, but can't help but see how people react to my hair. They tend to be very "conventional" looking couples and I imagine the "island lifestyle" is not a concept they accept as a possible reality. I get dirty looks from the wives and this :shocked: from the husbands. Sometimes I think this :slap: happens in the car.....

So, I can relate to the OP's thread.


:shocked:I get this too from men, and then I see the gal with him try to stear them away from me in the opposite direction. It makes me feel weird, so I try to wear my hair up more often, but it is still hard to hide the fact that I have such long hair.