Trying to help a friend with her 3 year olds hair

[snowfaery]

I have a friend who has semi fragile hair that her daughter has inherited but a lot worse. I'm sure part of it has to do with the fact her daughter is an extremely picky eater, maybe 3 or 4 foods she will eat easily, the rest she fights against. It is extremely susceptible to heat and being over dried which is almost a daily thing, as mom's boyfriend and whoever is watching her while mom works, blow dries and curls her hair almost every day they have her.

It is also exposed to the same chemicals and treatments that mom uses on her hair. She gets bounced from house to house depending on who has her for the day or night so no one uses the same stuff on her hair, one house is dollar store shampoo, another is baby shampoo, another is top dollar salon brands that are for chemically treated hair, another uses products designed for kids and the last house is sulfate free, silicone free hair products.

We've tried using different conditioning sprays and they don't help the texture any, just help to contain the ratiness. We've tried braiding the hair to encourage hair growth but the fact the mom's boyfriend just rips the braids out doesn't help any. The hair just breaks too much to be able to do much to make the braids hold up. Tried using GF Triple Nutrition Spray on her hair in small amounts and it only helped a small amount.

Is there anything that is really really simple that can be done to help improve her hair?

[spike316]

Why doesn't her boyfriend stop using that stuff on her hair? Can she/you just ask him to leave it alone? That sounds like it's part of the problem. :/

[Chibbylick]

Can she have a bag of 'her hair stuff' that travels with her, so that she's got some continuity?

[Mommyof4]

I'm guessing stress would play a part in this little girl's unhealthy hair if she is being "bounced from house to house." She is 3 years old, her hair should only be styled for special occasions, not daily. The heat is what is damaging her hair, most likely. She should be on toddler vitamins. Since she's picky, the gummy vitamins with omega 3's/multivitamins in them would be an excellent supplement for her to get what vitamins and nutrition she is lacking. If she is drinking sugared drinks instead of water, milk and diluted juice, she might be picky because she is constanly full of sugar/food dyes. I hope this little girl gets a break from the constant styling of her hair.

Anyways as to your question. Have you tried a henna/placenta packet on her hair? Maybe a good protein treatment? They carry them at supermarkets and of course beauty suppliers... What about a heavy oiling over night, then wash it out in the morning? If it were my little girl's hair, I would trim it as short as possible and absolutely say NO more damage to be done. Maybe try a BBB on it... and coconut oil the ends daily.

[snowfaery]

Her boyfriend just uses what mom uses and styles her hair so it matches her hair. Mom has the chemically treated hair items, none of the other stuff. I called and asked for more clarification and she gets her hair washed twice a day doesn't help any in my opinion.

[Mommyof4]

Why in the world are they doing so much to the little girl's hair? Why can't they just wash it, comb it, put a clip or bow to the side and let it be? Does the little girl like her hair being styled?

[spike316]

Her boyfriend just uses what mom uses and styles her hair so it matches her hair. Mom has the chemically treated hair items, none of the other stuff. I called and asked for more clarification and she gets her hair washed twice a day doesn't help any in my opinion.

Chemically treated hair and washing it twice a day? Why? I'm so confused, it can't be greasy already. I'm guessing she's of African nationality because she has chemically treated hair already. Doesn't their hair/scalp tend to be on the dry side anyway? O_o

[snowfaery]

Mom was raised that you have to be picture perfect to even go into the main part of the house where other people are and all the people except 2 of us are the same way. She's basically being raised as a beauty queen without being in pageants because of cost. The little girl used to like having her hair styled but now its hard to get her to sit still to even comb out her hair. She likes braids but when her hair is braided its done in about 10 mini braids that weave together and are painful even for me and I have a hard to hurt scalp. Mom doesn't like cutting her hair because then it is ugly so she actually has pretty long hair.

[snowfaery]

Chemically treated hair and washing it twice a day? Why? I'm so confused, it can't be greasy already. I'm guessing she's of African nationality because she has chemically treated hair already. Doesn't their hair/scalp tend to be on the dry side anyway? O_o

No she's a Caucasian child. The child doesn't have chemically treated hair, mom does. I don't know how hair gets greasy just sleeping. It gets washed first thing in the morning and just before bed.

[spike316]

Well if they're washing her hair twice a day I would recommend the gentlest shampoo you could find. Possibly even CO. I'm thinking that and all the heat styling are probably the root of the problem. :/

[Mommyof4]

I can't imagine a 3 year old looking ugly, especially hairwise... Growing up, I was taught certain things, but the bad, uncomfortable or unnecessary, I chose not to inflict upon my children.

Does her mom truly think that her little girl's beauty and importance relies mainly on her hair or appearance? Why can't they just put it up in a ponytail.. also, if they are braiding it, why not a more comfortable style of braiding, and leave it for a few days?

[snowfaery]

As much as I hate to say it because of how mom was raised and who she is primarily exposed to who feel that a girls worth is only based on her beauty and breeding skills. Which seems odd to me because mom works 3 jobs to keep a roof over their head. I think they take it out every single day because she maybe spends 2 nights in her bed in a row, then she's at dad's house for a night, then grandpa's for a night, then the best friend's house for a night, then grandma's a night and then the babysitter's house which is the one that tries to repair the damage everybody else does.

[Mommyof4]

As much as I hate to say it because of how mom was raised and who she is primarily exposed to I honestly do think that a girls worth is only based on her beauty and breeding skills. Which seems odd to me because mom works 3 jobs to keep a roof over their head. I think they take it out every single day because she maybe spends 2 nights in her bed in a row, then she's at dad's house for a night, then grandpa's for a night, then the best friend's house for a night, then grandma's a night and then the babysitter's house which is the one that tries to repair the damage everybody else does.

I'm guessing this is a typo :)

It sounds like this little girl's hair is the least of her problems. It's depressing to me that the women before us fought and pled for every single right and privilege that we enjoy as women, and there are still mothers who act like the only thing their daughter has going for her is her "breeding" and "beauty"... "Breeding" is such a hideous term to apply to any person imho..

Does her mom want to help the damaged hair?

[spike316]

Ah, and you're the babysitter? Well since you have her for a night I would probably recommend doing a deep conditioning treatment on her. You can make recommendations if they ask you, but in circumstances like this and with people like that, there's only so much you can do. :/

[pepperminttea]

What sort of hair type does she have? Even a rough guess would be helpful. :)

Would one or two braids be "presentable" to her mother? One or two are quick, you can do them on less frequently washed hair and no-one can tell, and no matter how much rough and tumble her hair takes from playtime, they'll still stop most of the tangling.

Given she's a picky eater, would a simple multi-vitamin be an idea? You can get chewable kids ones that don't taste nearly as bad as the adult ones.

[snowfaery]

I'm guessing this is a typo :)

It sounds like this little girl's hair is the least of her problems. It's depressing to me that the women before us fought and pled for every single right and privilege that we enjoy as women, and there are still mothers who act like the only thing their daughter has going for her is her "breeding" and "beauty"... "Breeding" is such a hideous term to apply to any person imho..

Does her mom want to help the damaged hair?

I think it was a typo, it's late and I'm trying to multi task. I think I meant to say she is exposed to people who feel that the only value women have is for their beauty and breeding capabilities. Mom does want the help with her hair which is why I asked and got clarification on a few points. I have the time to do the research which is why I posted and not the mom. Mom just wants it to be as simple as possible like 1 application a week for 2-3 minutes, she doesn't have the time to do anything more as she works on average 6 days a week from 6 am to 10pm with 1 hour off between jobs to see her daughter.

[snowfaery]

What sort of hair type does she have? Even a rough guess would be helpful. :)


Mom and daughter both are 1b, F, i

[spike316]

Hmm and she's not open to just doing less with her daughter's hair? That would save time and help her hair out. Other than that a multi vitamin would probably be a good idea and aussie's 3 minute miracle is pretty popular around here. ^_^

[snowfaery]

I think she would be open to doing less if she were the one actually doing her daughter's hair. But she does still expect her daughter to look picture perfect so even if she just does basic ponytails with a bow the hair is still curled so it's pretty.

[Mommyof4]

I think it was a typo, it's late and I'm trying to multi task. I think I meant to say she is exposed to people who feel that the only value women have is for their beauty and breeding capabilities. Mom does want the help with her hair which is why I asked and got clarification on a few points. I have the time to do the research which is why I posted and not the mom. Mom just wants it to be as simple as possible like 1 application a week for 2-3 minutes, she doesn't have the time to do anything more as she works on average 6 days a week from 6 am to 10pm with 1 hour off between jobs to see her daughter.

:( If she wants a quick fix, I would do the Henna 'n Placenta packs on her hair, or maybe a hair mask. Or try mentioning that every time she braids it or puts it up, to rub a dime-sized amount of coconut/avocado/olive oil into her ends and on top for flyaways? Or oil it as a "shine" serum after it's heat treated?

[spike316]

I think she would be open to doing less if she were the one actually doing her daughter's hair. But she does still expect her daughter to look picture perfect so even if she just does basic ponytails with a bow the hair is still curled so it's pretty.

With a braided hairstyle you wouldn't be introducing any more heat into the hair, there's loads of tutorials on youtube for hairstyles for children. Here's a great guru you may want to check out. http://www.youtube.com/user/CuteGirlsHairstyles some of the hairstyles are more complicated, some are more easy, but youtube is a great resource for new no heat hairstyle ideas.

[Nevvie]

Is the child care rotation consistent? For instance does a certain person always have her on Mondays and another always on Tuesdays ect. or is it sort of random who she's with on any given day? If it is somewhat consistent she could just pick 2-3 people (or however many depending on the rotation) to do the washing say every 2nd day and have the others leave it be. This would also cut down on the variance in product usage. Small children can't usually stretch washes like an adult can due to all the messy gunk they get into, but every other day should work fine most of the time. If you could get them to wash at night only, allow to air dry while the child sleeps and keep the heat away from her hair that would help even more. If she's insistent on curls she could try satin pillow rollers or bun/braid waves, both are easy, quick and can set while she's sleeping. Updos would probably help alot. There's no point curling braids or buns since the hair is contained and they help protect the hair. They can also look very adorable and can be accessorized with pretty clips and bows instead of heat and chemicals.

Young children generally have fairly fine, fragile hair that is nowhere near as resilient as an adults. My little boy's hair is very different than my own and can't take much of what mine can. Yet my hair was similar to his when I was his age, very fine and whispy. Chlorine alone trashed my hair when I was young so I can't imagine what daily curling sessions would have done. The best thing you can do for that little girl's hair is to try and talk the mom out of allowing heat to be used on her hair. A good conditioner would probably help too (and by 'good' I do not mean expensive, there are some fantastic affordable conditioners around). Good luck :)

[snowfaery]

Is the child care rotation consistent? For instance does a certain person always have her on Mondays and another always on Tuesdays ect. or is it sort of random who she's with on any given day?


Sadly it's not consistent who has her what day and hasn't been for over a year. I will take all the advice and probably pick up a few of the products myself and deliver them to the mom today or tomorrow depending on when I can get a hold of her.

[ktani]

Simple and easy?

Wash the hair and use one or 2 drops of baby oil depending on hair length and thickness on damp hair. That should do it for soft, tangle free and moisturized hair, without greasiness. Her hair should not need much more. And recommend a lower heat setting when blow drying.

ETA: white baby oil/pure mineral oil

ETA:2 See http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showpost.php?p=1942100&postcount=40
Her hair does not necessarily need to be clarified.