Breaking the News to My Hairdresser

[Synnovea]

Yesterday I decided to chop several inches off my hair to get rid of the pesky layers. This was the first time I'd seen my hairdresser since I made the switch from artificial dye to henna. She didn't ask me where I had been over the past couple of months but I decided to volunteer the information for two reasons: 1) I've been a long time client of hers and felt like it was the respectable thing to do and 2) Business has been slow lately and a part of her income depends on my regularity in the shop. I wanted her to be able to plan and budget accordingly.

It was awkward as hell spilling the beans but I muscled through it and suffice it to say, she was none too pleased. Although she didn't openly sneer or chastise me for my use of henna (she was fighting hard not to), she made snarky comments about how she wasn't upset because it was "the nature of the industry" and she knew I'd be back one day. I explained to her that I wasn't leaving her, I still want to go to her for trims, elaborate updos, and makeup, but she kept insisting that everything was alright through a thin veil of disappointment and possibly anger. When I asked her to come look at the brilliance of the sheen on my newly hennaed hair outside she claimed that it was probably so shiny due to the hair serum she put on my hair before the cut.

I understand that my choice to move to natural products has impacted her income directly and so I get it that she would be upset but I still felt a bit betrayed over being made to feel bad over a conscious decision on my part to make myself healthier and happier.

[Amber_Maiden]

Sounds like a bad stylist to me (obvious attitude problem)... Stylists should be happy if their clients are happy.

[Madora]

No need to feel betrayed. Heck, you did go back to her. In this economy, if you can do more for your hair by yourself, go for it! She hasn't lost your business entirely. What you chose to do with your hair is your business.

[robey]

Sounds like your stylist is more interest in keeping you coming back than in your hair health:(

[Arrow]

Sounds like your stylist is more interest in keeping you coming back than in your hair health:(

I agree. I think you should write her a letter telling her that you were hurt by her attitude towards you. If she wants to keep you as a client she should not be critizing the *healthy* changes you make to your hair. There are plenty of other hairdressers in the sea...

[ellen732]

As a hairstylist, she is totally unprofessional. I have had clients go to other stylists and come back to my chair, start coloring at home to save a buck, and lengthening times between cuts to let it grow out, I would never ever make them feel funny about it. I would never allow anything to flaw my relationship with a client.

[Odyssey]

I would say give her another chance, but if she doesn't respect the business you do bring without coloring, I would say she doesn't deserve your business. I've never found a stylist I like enough to go back to(one even looked at me funny for cutting a test strip for henna), but I would hope that finding a long term stylist would ensure a mutual respect for each other. Good luck with your stylist, I hope she gets over her issue with your decision.

[blondie9912]

Sounds like your stylist is more interest in keeping you coming back than in your hair health:(

This may be true, but most stylists (especially the trendy ones) are notoriously narrow-minded. They believe that conventional products have the best outcome on hair, and aren't fond of other techniques.

This obviously isn't meant to bash stylists, because there are many that are incredibly open-minded and interested in learning, but a lot if stylists (like my own) feel that they know everything there is to know about hair, and would probably insult alternative methods like henna and self-cutting. Frankly, it's kind of a pain, because when I'm paying for a service, I don't want to have to explain myself to my hairdresser!

[princessp]

She definitely should have been more gracious, but maybe she was having a bad day. I'd give her another chance. I have a few professional relationships like this and if they continued to give me a hard time for making a decision due to finances/personal preference I wouldn't stay a client long but I'd give them a break the first time.

ETA:
This obviously isn't meant to bash stylists, because there are many that are incredibly open-minded and interested in learning, but a lot if stylists (like my own) feel that they know everything there is to know about hair, and would probably insult alternative methods like henna and self-cutting. Frankly, it's kind of a pain, because when I'm paying for a service, I don't want to have to explain myself to my hairdresser!

This has been my experience too and it is why I no longer go to a stylist (for my hair anyway). I trim and henna my own hair.

[Synnovea]

This may be true, but most stylists (especially the trendy ones) are notoriously narrow-minded. They believe that conventional products have the best outcome on hair, and aren't fond of other techniques.

This obviously isn't meant to bash stylists, because there are many that are incredibly open-minded and interested in learning, but a lot if stylists (like my own) feel that they know everything there is to know about hair, and would probably insult alternative methods like henna and self-cutting. Frankly, it's kind of a pain, because when I'm paying for a service, I don't want to have to explain myself to my hairdresser!

This is absolutely accurate, especially of my hair stylist. She thinks she's doing what's best for her client's hair. She continues with training on "cutting-edge" hair technology and techniques, so she's educated on the matter but her education comes from multi-massive corporations that want to make money regardless of how they attain it. Heh, sounds like the medical field.

[newbeginning]

It sounds like terrible customer service to me. At least you still want to see her for some things.

[jacqueline101]

Its the economy and the lack of work. She's upset over that like you stated you had her do a lot for you. You're doing more for yourself. Since that has happen she has taken a cut in wages.

[Annie44]

I would have a hard time going back to a hairdresser who treated me that way. If you do decide not to go back and you're brave, I would tell her why you aren't coming back. Maybe it would help her realize that by chastising a paying customer for not coming as often will soon result in no customers.

[lapushka]

Why do you owe her an explanation, anyway? Because... you don't. And she should be as courteous to you as ever, regardless of how many times you come in, for what service whatsoever.

[FrozenBritannia]

I haven't been to my hairdresser since march, and if i do go back, i would probably do as the op and explain my absence, because i do like my hairdresser, i just haven't required her services. However, if she responded to me, like the op's did, it would be my last visit. If i want to recieve a lecture or snide behaviour, i'll just phone my mother and tell her how long i am going to grow my hair. Probably cheaper, too.

[Evie]

I think I'm pretty lucky with my hairdresser. I've not been in for a cut in maybe 18 months, but she knows when I want a cut, I'll go there. She also is really interested in my hair dye and oiling (I use henndigo) and is cool with it. But she is a really nice person, and is focused on doing the best she can for her clients. She is really worth it! I'm so sorry you had a bad experience, I'd find someone new if I were you, you did nothing to deserve her behaviour and if she treats clients like that in her industry they will end up voting with their feet - her fault, not yours :)

[Shebelina]

It's such a shame that she acted that way, she should not be driving away a regular customer with her bad attitude. I stopped going to my usual salon when my stylist left. she was awefully good with my hair and talked me out of drastic cuts on several occasions. It's a shame there are not more stylists out there who are more understanding.

[jojo]

Maybe she was having a bad day? even so I think she needs to brush up her manners. Personally I wouldn't have volunteered her any information, you owe her nothing and if she had a proper business head on her shoulders would have realised that you not only have the choice of when to trim your hair or dye your hair with whatever you choose but also have the choice of salons of which to go to!

[pepperminttea]

Why do you owe her an explanation, anyway? Because... you don't. And she should be as courteous to you as ever, regardless of how many times you come in, for what service whatsoever.

This. You don't need to justify yourself to her; it's your hair, your choices, and your money.

[Long_hair_bear]

I know my hairdresser of 7 years wouldn't act this way! She's totally cool with whatever I want and whatever makes me happy. :)

[allycat]

If i want to recieve a lecture or snide behaviour, i'll just phone my mother and tell her how long i am going to grow my hair. Probably cheaper, too.

FrozenBritannia, hahahaha!

[jeanniet]

Why do you owe her an explanation, anyway? Because... you don't. And she should be as courteous to you as ever, regardless of how many times you come in, for what service whatsoever.
I agree with this. She's your hairdresser, not your mother (unless your mother is like FrozenBritannia's). It was nice of you to let her know you won't be doing salon colorings anymore, and maybe not very smart of her to drop hints about disliking what you're doing now, but if you like her work otherwise, I wouldn't ditch her. If she keeps up with the thinly veiled snark, then I'd look for someone else and tell her exactly why.

[akilina]

Thats a bummer :( and funny....ive told quite a few clients about henna! :) and that i use it myself. i tell them when they compliment me on my color. She shouldnt treat you like crap because you dont want to chemically color your hair any more. maybe she should go promote herself and make up for a lost color client.

[PixxieStix]

My hairstylist was very concerned for my hair when I told her I was switching to henna. I tried to educate her on henna, and that I was using BAQ, completely different from the stuff they give horror stories to new stylists about when they enter school. She looked at me like "Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you!", and still disapproves of my henna and how long I go between trims, but she was a friend way before my hairstylist, so I'll take a little lip from her (she is very supportive of my long hair goals though). ;) She did admit that my hair was really healthy and that my ends were too, albeit somewhat reluctantly.

Now, had any other stylist tried that with me, I would have been out of the chair and out the door. I have met several who believe they do know everything about hair and they have a god-like touch with it, but if it isn't what I want, I'm not going for it. I mean, by all means give her one more try, but if she's snarky to you again, let her know why you'll be finding a different stylist. We all have our own paths to take on our hair journey, and different ways we wish to take care of ourselves, and she should be understanding and respectful of your choices.

[FrozenBritannia]

I agree with this. She's your hairdresser, not your mother (unless your mother is like FrozenBritannia's). It was nice of you to let her know you won't be doing salon colorings anymore, and maybe not very smart of her to drop hints about disliking what you're doing now, but if you like her work otherwise, I wouldn't ditch her. If she keeps up with the thinly veiled snark, then I'd look for someone else and tell her exactly why.

:) even if her mother IS like mine, unless her mother is her hairdresser, there is no reason for her hairdresser to act like that.

And my mom isn't all that bad, she just ... Has her moments. :D

[beachgirlla]

This is absolutely accurate, especially of my hair stylist. She thinks she's doing what's best for her client's hair. She continues with training on "cutting-edge" hair technology and techniques, so she's educated on the matter but her education comes from multi-massive corporations that want to make money regardless of how they attain it. Heh, sounds like the medical field.

well may be she needs to learn how to apply henna and how to mix henna with indigo & cassia and so on .... then she can have you back, LOL, if she could not see the sheen then she may need some new set of eye glasses :D

My hair stylists is same but I guess mine made 5 times what your stylist would make out of you, one was doing the Japanese hair straightening for me for 6 years (once every 10 weeks, $450 and up each time) and the 2nd one was doing the hair extensions, 2 different stylists, the later one would charge me between $1200-1400 for my extensions every 10 weeks for 8 years and I believe mine were the least she did since would she only use like 4 bundle of the fake hair, many of her customers use 6-8 bundles.

Anyway, your hair stylist and mine loss is our gain, we are saving $$ plus saving our hair and health :cheer:

[jeanniet]

:) even if her mother IS like mine, unless her mother is her hairdresser, there is no reason for her hairdresser to act like that.

And my mom isn't all that bad, she just ... Has her moments. :D
I love my mother dearly, but boy...yeah, she has moments. Lots of 'em!

[luxepiggy]

I must admit I really do not understand the trepidation many women seem to have when it comes to dealing with hairdressers, or any other service providers for that matter. Key words - service provider. She is there to provide a service, which you pay for. The only obligation you have towards her is prompt payment for services rendered. Beyond that, you don't owe her anything and you certainly have nothing to feel guilty about.

[Synnovea]

I suppose it's hard for me to conceptualize a person as nothing more than the service they provide after having established a personal rapport with them that's lasted several years.

[gretchen_hair]

Unless I'm missing something, it doesn't seem to me that she acted or said anything disrespectful or rude. According to you she said she wasn't angry because it is the nature of the business and that you'd be back someday. (that could have been either a joke or a true hopeful response that you'd be back for treatments)

The only other thing she said to you, that you took offense to was that your hair was probably shiny due to serum she applied. (maybe she really thought it did make it shiny and/or the serum did have a part in the shininess as well.

You say you hadn't been there in a couple of months and the hairdresser didn't hassle you or question where you'd been. You say that business is slow and she depends on you for part of her income and that you wanted to alert her that you wouldn't be in often because you're doing your own henna. You say you wanted her to be able to budget accordingly.

Bills come in every month, if she counted on your money she wouldn't have been able to cover her bills for the past 2 months. Maybe your business isn't really as detrimental to her as you seem to think it is.(considering you haven't seen her in at least two months)

Hairdressers clients come and go like the wind. For various reasons. The clients lack of funds, the client changed their habits and routines, the client moved, the client found a new hairdresser, etc etc etc. You said she didn't sneer at you or chastise you for using henna, but you feel like she was sneering undercover in some way?

I also see that everyone else is seeing that the hairdresser was rude/unprofessional/discourteous/etc. I just don't see it. :confused:

What did you want her to do? Tell you she would miss you and can't live without your money? Tell you that she is angry? Tell you that you are wrong for using henna? According to your story, she did none of that, simply took your announcement in stride and conducted business accordingly and gave you the service you asked for. Why does she deserve to be talked about in such a bad manner? For doing NOTHING to indicate that she was angry or upset nor did she make a fuss.

It really seems like you wanted her to tell you that she would miss you and to appear that she was heartbroken over losing some of your business. If she hadn't seen you in a couple of months, I think she already figured it out and wasn't sweating it. Because in reality, things happen and you can never count on someone else for your bill money.

Maybe I overlooked something entirely, but I honestly do not see where the hairdresser could have possibly offended you in any way by what you have relayed here.

I really wonder if you were so anxious and for some reason feeling guilty in some way and you just read more into the conversation than there really was?(although no one needs to ever feel guilty for not purchasing a service that they do not desire, or for going somewhere else, or for changing their routines)

Believe me when I say that she is not and most likely never has counted on any one persons business to keep her afloat. I am sure that she gets just as many one timers who pop in for a haircut as she does regular customers who have dropped of the appointment books at one time or another.

You shouldn't feel the need to explain your reasons for not coming to her for services but you also shouldn't expect her to act like it's the end of the world because you stopped by for a haircut and felt the need to tell her you wouldn't be coming in much anymore. That's life.....that's business.....it happens every day. Maybe it didn't really faze her much but you expected a bigger reaction and are either disappointed, upset or let down by her *lack* of a reaction?

I dunno, unless there is more to the story than what you wrote in your first post, I cannot see where she was so rude?


ETA: I re-read everything and still cannot understand how she *made you feel bad over a decision for you to be healthier and happier*, when she didn't say anything except.....I'ts ok.




Yesterday I decided to chop several inches off my hair to get rid of the pesky layers. This was the first time I'd seen my hairdresser since I made the switch from artificial dye to henna. She didn't ask me where I had been over the past couple of months but I decided to volunteer the information for two reasons: 1) I've been a long time client of hers and felt like it was the respectable thing to do and 2) Business has been slow lately and a part of her income depends on my regularity in the shop. I wanted her to be able to plan and budget accordingly.

It was awkward as hell spilling the beans but I muscled through it and suffice it to say, she was none too pleased. Although she didn't openly sneer or chastise me for my use of henna (she was fighting hard not to), she made snarky comments about how she wasn't upset because it was "the nature of the industry" and she knew I'd be back one day. I explained to her that I wasn't leaving her, I still want to go to her for trims, elaborate updos, and makeup, but she kept insisting that everything was alright through a thin veil of disappointment and possibly anger. When I asked her to come look at the brilliance of the sheen on my newly hennaed hair outside she claimed that it was probably so shiny due to the hair serum she put on my hair before the cut.

I understand that my choice to move to natural products has impacted her income directly and so I get it that she would be upset but I still felt a bit betrayed over being made to feel bad over a conscious decision on my part to make myself healthier and happier.

[gretchen_hair]

To be honest, this sounds really snarky.

Many people want the latest technology for everything, including hair. Hairdressers often take classes to keep up with the newest styles, trends, products, etc.

At least she is on top of her game and trying to improve her skill set instead of just being in the same frame of mind and set in her ways.

If you came to her shop and wanted a service that she didn't provide or was unaware of or didn't know how to perform, then you would seek out someone else (someone who keeps up with the latest technology)

I think you are being really harsh on this woman for simply keeping up with the demand.

If you don't care much for her and think that she is wasting her time by training and you don't seem to respect her for it, then why do you go to her in the first place?

I haven't seen you say one nice or complimentary thing about this person that you have been going to for years. :(


This is absolutely accurate, especially of my hair stylist. She thinks she's doing what's best for her client's hair. She continues with training on "cutting-edge" hair technology and techniques, so she's educated on the matter but her education comes from multi-massive corporations that want to make money regardless of how they attain it. Heh, sounds like the medical field.

[Synnovea]

gretchen_hair, most of your response is probably better suited toward other posters reactions as you're answering claims that I, for one, never made. (regarding my first post, which in turn gives me no reason to engage with you in your further criticism as A) your reading comprehension doesn't allow for a constructive conversation and B) your defensiveness is also detrimental to a stimulating discourse.)

[Bene]

By offering an explanation to your hairdresser, you opened yourself up to her response and criticism. Walk in, get what you want, pay her, walk out. You really don't need to give reasons for what you do.


You pay this woman for her services, you don't owe her excuses.

[Kapri]

I think that even if the hairdresser is a service provider, it is also frequently a personal relationship which builds over time.Ditto the Doctor. Ditto a trusted friend who provides a business service. So, there is a certain mutual courtesy involved. I think the hairdresser in question was a little passive aggressive when she could have reassured her client that things were ok and that she appreciated her client's adventurous spirit ..even if she didn't feel like that! I think the problem here is not so much what she said but her tone. I personally, would go back if she were a long-standing hairdresser. But I wouldn't go back again after that if I were in receipt of any more passive aggression. I go to a top London hairdresser (infrequently now) and the colourist there gives me tips on my home colouring! I was a loyal client for years and now for financial reasons, I self-colour. He is so sweet about it and if I wanted conventional colour and could afford it, I would go to him. I do get my hair cut there. The hairdresser sounds a bit insecure. She will probably be charming next time. I would also remember that being a henna/alternative care fan is quite challenging to some hairdressers for the reasons people have outlined and she could feel a little threatened too...

[ellen732]

I also see that everyone else is seeing that the hairdresser was rude/unprofessional/discourteous/etc. I just don't see it. :confused:

The OP stated the hairstylist was almost a bit angry, that's unprofessional.

[ALongSummerWind]

I think any hairdresser sound want what is best for their client. If yours doesn't I am sorry:( It is your hair and you know what is best I think, everyone knows their own hair better than someone else I believe.