i HATE my hair type!

[Shona]

hello everyone! Long rant coming your way!

i HATE my natural hair type, well not so much the thickness or pattern of wave or whatever, but the way it sits. It isn't soft and light and flowy like everyone else's seems to be. Most peoples hair seems to drape over their shoulders/back beautifuly, but mine just seems to sit there! Lank as anything!
Kind of like this... OK i was going to attempt to draw what i mean on Paint but it turned out horribly! ha! It's pretty much like a triangle coming from my hair and down part my shoulders, arg! Sorry i can't explane it any better. but can anyone relate to this? and has anyone been able to fix hair texture or is this simply what i am born with? it seems no matter how much i trim (i microtim every 3 weeks or so to get rid of very old heat damage) that my hair just sticks out and is really.. not sort of flowy!

Sorry if this was a confusing read!
Thanks anyway!:)

[Carissamarie08]

My hair does not seem to look as soft and flowy either, so I know how you feel. Mine is very coarse and dry.

[Shona]

Mine is very coarse and dry.

Mine is so dry too! I put very light coconut oil on my ends every morning and soak my hair is EVOO for one day every week. Maybe I am "over oiling"?!

[Mopolop]

I'm also trying to grow out heat damaged hair. I have quite a few days where I really miss having smoother hair instead of a curly mess...I've found now I don't style my hair it's so unpredictable.

I'm so tempted to start straightening it again once I hit my length goal.

[aisha.christine]

Is this a recent development in your hair? It sounds to me like you might need to clarify.
Another question would be if you're just doing moisture treatments. I personally have to balance my moisture with protein, so I do an SMT. I would try to clarify it first, then if your hair improves.

[Orangerthanred]

I know how you feel. I've watched people with their water-like, shiny, soft hair flowing over their shoulders and felt like my hair was crap. My hair does not gently fall onto my shoulder. It doesn't bounce in ringlets. It poofs up and sits there resembling shaggy carpet.

But we're all our worst critic's. I bet your hair is much more beautiful than you describe it.

[spidermom]

I think you need more length to achieve flow. But a clarifying shampoo followed by a moisture treatment wouldn't be a bad idea.

[prettyhairisred]

Same here! My hair seems to lack the shine and glisten of other hair. it just... sits there. no pretty flow, no swing or bounce... I did die it a lot and that may have caused it. Anyone have any other ideas? :/

[Amber_Maiden]

Same here! My hair is too dry and coarse... and way too thick :(

[arcane]

Unless I have layers my hair is not flowy at all, I get major triangle head. Right now the ends are very very damaged so it doesn't flow as nice as it can, and I need to get my layers touched up in a few months.

I have pretty much given up heatstyling for a few months but I straightened it the other night for my works Xmas party. It was so soft and flowy, but I'm not wanting to damage my hair more than it already is, so I plan on only doing it for very special occasions (at least until the worst damage is off).

[Mommyof4]

Oil your whole head with coconut oil, then wash it out with a sulfate-free shampoo and do a diluted apple cider vinegar rinse...then use a rinse-out conditioner that is high quality. (I love the matrix conditioners) this is what I do when my hair acts strange.. but you'd be surprised how much damage the heat can do :(

[slo2gro]

awww me too. Im so jealous of people who have that super healthy bouncy hair.

[Piyo]

You're not alone, I feel like I have the same issues with my hair. It makes being at an awkward length even worse. When my hair was mid-back length I felt like it just stuck out rather than gently draped down my back.

Try clarifying and getting it moisturized, that gives me a "light and fluffy" feeling for awhile.

[longhairedleah]

I think if your hair isn't super dry and whatnot, it may just be the cut. You'd be surprised what a difference a good haircut, with nice layers, can make.

But finding a good stylist is also tough (especially one who also won't cut too short)

[cooklaezo13]

I'm not sure if I know exactly why you dislike your hair. In your pictures it looks very pretty to me.

[jojo]

Give it a bit of time to get some extra length and the flow will develop. Mine only started flowing once it got to waist, I used to worry about the same thing!

Thing is now it does flow, its always up so I can't show it off :D I see your from Scotland, I highly recommend inecto shampoo and conditioner, its like CPR in a bottle! brings my hair back to life!

[Nae]

I am going to echo what has been said above, just get a bit more length and you will be flowing like crazy.

Now on another note, when I take pictures to post on here I probably discard 4 out of 5. I would say it is safe to assume that everyone generally puts their best foot forward as it were. For a long time I used to think, "My Gods! Everyone on here has the prettiest bestest hair I have ever seen. How can I compete?" Then I realized it wasn't a competition and that these shots were idealized.

I think there was a thread about bad hair days, or brushing out curls that made me really think about the fact that everybody else's hair gets a little wonky and weird sometimes too. We just don't go around advertising it. Ya know?

Your hair is quite lovely, don't let all the awesome hair pictures fool you into thinking your hair is of lesser quality.

[Lianna]

I have to agree with the layers though...I need layers for it not to just sit there, in an triangle, at any length. I know other girls with the same problem.

[uptosomeone]

Not sure if this will help you any, but my hair looks awful when I don't "help" it dry. These are my steps post shower:

sponge off water with towel
comb it damp with wide tooth comb
shake my head
finger comb it to where I want it to go
leave it until it's a bit drier, then finger comb again

Then I finger comb until it's nearly completely dry, then run the comb through it again. With this I have shiny, soft, swingy hair that looks good down for hours. If I let it dry on its own...hoo boy! It's stringy, dry, coarse on the ends, and flips out unattractively.

[Shona]

I would say it is safe to assume that everyone generally puts their best foot forward as it were. For a long time I used to think, "My Gods! Everyone on here has the prettiest bestest hair I have ever seen. How can I compete?"

I think there was a thread about bad hair days, or brushing out curls that made me really think about the fact that everybody else's hair gets a little wonky and weird sometimes too. We just don't go around advertising it. Ya know?


Well put! and it's true... i think it's natural to want to be seen at your best and hide things your not too keen on!

http://i44.tinypic.com/65tteo.jpg

This is my hair today, a week without wash. ugly. waves have been replaced by lankyness! and i microtrim so often and i use not heat at all, yet my ends look dead as a door nail. And it all kinda sticks out? not flowy! darn non-flowy-ness!

[lunamummy]

You have good hair! It doesn't look like F/i, and I can't believe it is a week without a wash. I'm sure the trimming will pay off in the end. Hang in there - you have some great length going on.

[Charybdis]

Looking at your pic, I think the suggestions to clarify are probably good. I'm just impressed that you can go an entire week without washing! I can't get beyond the 4-day mark.

It does look like you still have damage on the ends, and once that gets trimmed out I imagine you'll feel better about how your ends behave.

Your hair doesn't look unusually thick or poofy, so I suspect that adding more layers is probably not the answer. I'm prone to triangle-head, but my hair's wavier than yours and probably thicker as well, and even I find that triangle-head starts to subside by the length you've already reached. (In contrast to my 3a/3b DH, whose triangle-head is EPIC at the same length you have.)

Good luck! Let us know how your experiments go.

[Shona]

Looking at your pic, I think the suggestions to clarify are probably good. I'm just impressed that you can go an entire week without washing! I can't get beyond the 4-day mark.

It does look like you still have damage on the ends, and once that gets trimmed out I imagine you'll feel better about how your ends behave.



I CAN go without washing, but it's gross, but the hot water has broken in my house at the momment so i thought it is a good chance to see how long my hair can go without a wash! ha! Though i do normaly wash it 2 times in 1 week. And i will for sure be going back to that once my hot water is back again! eep. My hair is lighter than this and wavier than this, the darkness at the top of my head is the oily-ness, well that's what i put it down to. the bottom is lighter because it not so oily, though in this photo i do have coconut oil in my head too on the ends. The old damage seems to be endless! i get a trim and it feels great! then just two weeks later i'm back to square 1! my hair will have growen back to the length it was before the microtim and the damage is there again? I hope it 's not new damage!

[infinity_girl]

My hair is exactly the same as you describe.

I think the two solutions are;

1) As it gets longer and it gets over the shoulders and reaches approx bsl or slightly beyond it hangs better and looks more flowing.

2) If it is dry/coarse it has less flow. If you have dyed it it will be like that.

I am just growing mine out and hoping that once the dyed parts reach longer lengths then it will look better.

[holothuroidea]

I'm going to echo the suggestions for clarifying and a moisture treatment. My hair gets like that too after a week of not clarifying or if I don't wash it often enough.

I have some suggestions based purely on my own experience, as usual, YMMV.

Do you know if your hair is porous or not? I'm going to guess that it is not, and if that's true you may be over oiling it (especially if you wash 2x a week). You may need to wash more often and use a clean-rinsing moisturizing conditioner (ETA: I've had excellent results with Yes To Carrots). It seems counter intuitive, it know, but some hair responds better and stays more moisturized with more washings (as long as you use a gentle shampoo). I've never been able to stretch washes because it just gets too dry, even when I was WO I needed to wash my hair 4x a week and that was really the most I could stretch. Some hair just loves water.

[torrilin]

What I'm seeing in your picture isn't bad at all. Yes, it is somewhat clumpy from your hair's natural oils, and when it does that clumpy thing it probably feels stiff. If your hair can take lots of brushing, you might try baby powder, cornstarch or cocoa powder as a dry shampoo. There is definitely such a thing as too much oil in your hair, and it looks like you're there from a comfort standpoint if nothing else. The brushing to remove a dry shampoo will flatten out your waves, so if you are strongly attached to being wavy, this is not going to work well for you.

The ends are very blunt, and that might not be great for enhancing your waves. The more your hair forms well defined curls or wavy locks, the better it tends to look to have each one trimmed to that particular clump's best length.

If the old damage is from heat styling or dye... Your hair has to grow out completely for it to be gone. On my head, I'd allow about 4-5 years for a complete grow out from bald to BSL.

[xoxophelia]

Well.. nobody would have flowy hair around the roots if they have sebum build up. It tends to get in clumps so it doesn't flow.

I have been able to drastically change my hair texture. Very little to no heat styling (3 times a year gently tops), stretching washes or just using less shampoo, and pre-oiling before washing make a big difference. It just takes a long time to see the results. I still don't have the watery look but I never will. My hair is more like some sort of heavy duty silk. Better than a witch's broom :shrug:

[Gothchiq]

I feel ya. Mine is coarse and has always been a great big pain in the butt, and now it's splitting like mad because of previous damage that I ignorantly caused. :/ Aaaaggrrrrr!

[jojo]

You have good hair! It doesn't look like F/i, and I can't believe it is a week without a wash. I'm sure the trimming will pay off in the end. Hang in there - you have some great length going on.

id agree on the fine but thickness wise id say ii/iii '1

[jacqueline101]

My hair has a mind of its own and its also dry. I have an old perm curls to my hair it grows but its hard to tell. Its such a mess most of the time. I also mist on an oil blend and I use a leave in condish on the ends and in my book it looks frizzy and dull. I also monistat mixed with mane n tail condish daily. I wonder if its my hairs nature to be lifeless and not so great.

[jaine]

I think that a good professional haircut can fix what you're describing. Find a stylist you can trust completely - a GOOD one not a Best Cuts walk-in or something like that - tell him your frustrations, and allow him to decide how to fix it. If you don't already have a hairstylist you trust, schedule some consultations and/or shampoo & blow-dry services until you find one you like.

I think it would be more flowy if it had long layers, and some texturizing to make the ends less blunt. But I'm sure a professional would know best.

[SwordWomanRiona]

Well, I think this is the grass being greener at the other side of the fence all over again :). I think my hair may fall under the 'shiny, soft, flowing' category many seem to be pining for (no waves, though, so I wouldn't say it's bouncy...), but curiously enough, I sometimes wish for the less fine, or thicker hair you are complaining about! Fine hair may look all soft and shiny and flowing, but it's also very delicate and tangle-prone and it usually lacks volume and body, even if it flows...I suppose we always wish for all good things about all hair types ;).
And we're our worst critics, definitely!

Btw, Shona, I think your hair is flowing! It's not very different from mine, I think (if we don't speak about waves), and I call mine "flowing" (but not bouncy), so....:D

[lacefrost]

Shona, I promise you that with more length, you'll feel happier about your hair.

I can really hate my hair. It's coarse so it's hard to make it feel soft. It's super curly so even at MBL it hangs above my shoulders.

But I have noticed that the longer it gets, the better it sits, the softer it is, the more it flows, the more length is shows. Give yourself another year (or less) and you'll be at waist and you'll feel entirely different about your hair.

[palaeoqueen]

My hair doesn't flow either, it just sort of hangs there both limp and a bit stiff at the same time. It's also never been past shoulder length (maybe not even quite shoulder length actually) but I have, until recently, always tortured my hair with heat and chemicals so I'm hoping that the lack of things will a) continue to improve the condition and b) allow it to grow longer. In turn I hope once it's in better condition and longer then maybe it will flow!

Sorry for no pictures in my sig/avatar yet, I joined ages ago and have just been properly reading again over the last few days, I do intend to get pictures.

[MonaLisa]

Have you considered henna? it can somewhat change the texture a bit and well make it a bit 'thicker' I think.

[Alex Lou]

Looks like there's already some good advice for you here. While you're working on your hair's condition, why not try creating some artificial bounce with a sock bun:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FV-YO46E8Y

[cuties]

Your hair looks so similar to what I had though I can never go beyond 4th day without washing. Also I did have layers but it did no good. A few things that helped me were - switching to a shampoo bar, there is a whole thread here http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=74
that you can read and drinking lots of water. Shampoo bar provided lot of volume to my hair and made it more flowy and shiny, but you have to give it a week or 2 to work and might have to use acidic rinses afterwards.

[cremenoir]

For years I've had the same problem... limp, dry hair that just sort of hangs there lifelessly, and used to feel almost like horse hair. But about a year ago, I gave up coloring my hair and a few months ago quit using hairspray and other drying products and switched to conditioner-only washing. I quit blow drying my hair on high heat and I only flat iron the old, damaged hair that I plan to cut completely off once I get a few more inches of growth.

I can hardly even describe the difference it has made! The new 6 inches are so soft, shiny, and silky. I had no idea my hair could look and feel like this. I have fine hair and I guess I never realized how much damage I really was doing to it until I saw the results of keeping it healthy.

You might find that if you give up any damaging habits and find a routine that works for you, the look and feel of your hair can change drastically over time. It takes a lot of time and patience, as the old damaged hair can't always be salvaged, but it's worth it in the end.

[cremenoir]

Oh and I almost forgot to mention, to help the damaged part of my hair look nicer and feel a LOT softer the best product I've used is either Phyto-7 or Phyto-9 leave-in cream, both are awesome, Phyto-9 is for ultra dry hair and Phyto-7 for more normal hair. They're kinda pricey, but a little goes a long way and I've found that a small tube lasts several months. They do contain some silicone, which I know many people around here stay away from... but if you don't mind that, they really do make damaged, crunchy hair feel supersoft. I add a drop of jojoba too for an extra boost.

[alyanna]

We have the same hairtype.

Mine's a bit curlier, but nowadays, in the dry winter weather, it looks identical to yours. I also feel like my hair sits in one big clump. Instead of flowing it kind of sticks all together. Also the fact that it's thin and light makes it kind of look like I have a head of cotton candy.

I am optimistic that more length will help this issue.

I wouldn't get layers if I were you and I think it's kind of our own misperception of our hair that makes us feel this way. Other people obviously disagree.

[Hairizona]

I am definitely not trying to minimize your feelings about your hair... but I think you have very nice hair, and ,well, I see potential as you continue to grow it longer!
I wonder if the lighting isn't the best for your photos. As well, noboby's hair is going to look that great when the hair is unwashed and dirty.
Try concentrating on the positive aspects of your hair; for example, how soft it looks in those photos; at least I think it does. Look into doing some treatments that will help you to feel better; change your shampoo and condish to something else. etc.
I find that some hair routines and/or products contribute to my hair looking it's worst eg lank, dull, thinner. Experiment and see what improves how your hair looks, and you will begin to feel better about your hair.... and stop putting your hair down!

[Hairizona]

Ha! Just looked at your routine...shampoo bars may be a problem for your fine hair as well as use of oils.
I cannot use shampoo bars; even with an apple cider rinse they dry out my hair yet at the same time make it oily and strands stick together down the length-clumping. Also, after the first wash day, my hair looked thinner from the weight of the shampoo sediment. All hair wanted to stick together; not "flowing". If you over oil, which is easy to do with fine hair, it will contribute to the same problems.
Perhaps you are one of us who cannot use shampoo bars. I use very little oil as well, and not all the time, and only on the last 5-6 inches of my hair- like 2 drops.
Anyhow, think about it, and good luck!