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pinchbeck
December 14th, 2011, 11:09 AM
During lunch today a male friend who keeps fit and really takes care of his appearance told me my hair is too long. He stated his former gf had long hair and that it 'got in the way' and that she finally cut it. He stated I need to cut my waist length hair to shoulder length adding I should highlight with blond. He said since the majority of women style their hair I should too in order to attract and 'keep' a man around. He also pointed out different hairstyles and said, "She is average looking, but looks 'good' because of her hairstyle".

I told him about the environmental impact hair dye has. I asked him why women can't be true to who they are and be accepted. He said men want women who look good and said I could look good. I told him being gawked at isn't my main priority and that I am who I am and am okay with that. He even told me he would bring over his friend whom is a hairstylist to give me a makeover!

This kind of pressure hurts. I know that longer hair may not be the most flattering on me, but I love owning it. I told him I grow it long because 'I can'. To think that men won't be attracted to me becaue I look like a "Menonite" or a "farmer" is horrible (those were his words). And what is wrong with these types of women anyhow? They are beautiful too but just sport a different lifesytle.

How can women stay true to who they are without feeling like they need to be part of this material world? My friend said I am single because what I am doing with the way I look is not working.

Amber_Maiden
December 14th, 2011, 11:15 AM
First off- that guy is a jerk. I would not call him a friend.

Second off- You are exactly right. We are not here to look good for men. I'm so pissed off right now...

Third off- Keep doing what you are doing if it makes you happy.

Fourth off- The type of man you would want is the type of man who loves you for you, and who loves the way you look without you having to look a certain way for him. I bet you already know this.

Fifth off- *hugs*

AlabasterAlice
December 14th, 2011, 11:17 AM
Oh dear...Now I need to tell both my husband and my boyfriend that they obviously need to go find a new girl, because my hair is waist length and while they say they love it, obviously that must not be true. :rolleyes:

So he has his opinions on hair. Whoop-ti-do! He can like what he wants to like on a lady, but to be completely honest there are a ton of men out there who desire long hair. It's commonly seen as more desirable by many, so I don't understand where he gets his ideas from.

My hair sometimes falls in front of their face when we are having an intimate moment, it's true. But DH loves it, he even laughs sometimes and tells me it's like a curtain, but that isn't complaining in the slightest. If it's bugging me that day I will slap it up in a bun. It isn't that hard to do and now it stays in place the whole time thanks to spin pins!

So all-in-all I see no issue with having long hair, because since it's long, if it gets in the way it can easily be put up, therefore fixing that problem. And for the rest of the time, plenty of guys really, really enjoy women with long hair. :flower:

Oh, and in case it wasn't inherently obvious (as I would hope it was) no, we have no requirement to look good for anyone. Period.

jennyjukes
December 14th, 2011, 11:18 AM
urgh. i have had this experience before, twice and i'm 18. please don't listen to this and stick to your own beliefs. girls who change their hairstyles and face to look attractive complain that men don't like them for themselves and those men complain that women deceive them with their looks. almost all girls i know cut, style, dye their hair etc whereas mine is all natural. i got more attention when i straightened my bleach blonde hair every day. bad attention. i get nicer guys who are attracted to me now and i think it's partly to do with being natural (low maintenance) & having more confidence by being myself and not needing 'help'.

don't get me wrong i am not saying it's bad to WANT to style your hair or wear nice clothes do makeup etc (i mean i still style my eyebrows, no way are they going natural!) because most of us want to look attractive but you should want the right treatment, not from guys who want something pretty and fake to look at. and for me the environmental issue is a good enough reason to not succumb to vanity or pressure.

SpinDance
December 14th, 2011, 11:19 AM
Everyone has different things they like. Obviously he doesn't like longer hair. Some men do, some don't. Since this fellow isn't your bf, it doesn't matter that he would prefer it some other way. Do what you like and think is right. The right person will want you for _you_ not whether you highlight your hair or it is a certain length!

AlabasterAlice
December 14th, 2011, 11:22 AM
Heh, even if he was my bf, I wouldn't care if he didn't like my hair.
My hair is long for me, because I feel more myself when it's long.

pinchbeck
December 14th, 2011, 11:23 AM
My hair sometimes falls in front of their face when we are having an intimate moment, it's true. But DH loves it, he even laughs sometimes and tells me it's like a curtain, but that isn't complaining in the slightest. This is cute that your DH thinks your hair is like a curtain. Nicely put. :)

Purdy Bear
December 14th, 2011, 11:24 AM
The man sounds like a complete egomaniac! Its his point of view about hair, not every man feels that way, infact from what Iv been told by men they find long hair very attractive.

I dont think most men really care what you do with your hair, as long as your happy that is all they want.

When Iv had long, short and no hair, Iv always got comments from women and never men - you see they really dont care.

Obviously if your talking in the office and business environment then most companies prefer neat and tidy hair which doesnt mean cuts or styled but just presentable hair.

I wouldnt worry yourself. I think theres men out there interested in you. This guy is so full of himself everyone needs to change for him and one thing he should find out is friendship and love is not based on making a person alter themselves to suit him

ladylowtide
December 14th, 2011, 11:25 AM
There are many of guys who love heathy, natural, long hair. This guys sounds like he is obsessed with someone else's opinion of what is, socially acceptable, trendy, stylish. This the rare case where he isn't jealous of your long hair, here I think it is more the case that he might be jealous of your willingness to defy convention. By sticking to your guns and not bending to the pressures of society, you have shown that you have considerable more balls than your guy friend. Just saying.

mireillemt
December 14th, 2011, 11:31 AM
I'm sure that you'll get very much the same response over and over again but, this is completely ridiculous. Sure, different people have different tastes and maybe he prefers someone with a specific "look". However, if your hair (and keeping it long and healthy) is something that you value then you would never want to be with someone who doesn't value it too. Though long, natural hair may not be all the rage at this moment, neither are a lot of vintage styles. There are always other ways of styling yourself... hair, makeup, clothing or otherwise and just because they aren't mainstream doesn't mean that you can't make them beautiful.

Nae
December 14th, 2011, 11:34 AM
Hmmm I would think it is a rare man that will say that long hair = guy repellent.

If it is the right guy it absolutely won't.

fridgee
December 14th, 2011, 11:34 AM
While what he said was very tactless (he is entitled to his opinion, but not entitled to voice it in a hurtful way) the way you reacted speaks volumes for who you are. Many girls would feel pressured and take his ideas to heart and change the way they liked looking because of them, whereas your reaction was a strong 'why should I change for anyone but myself?' so good on you! You know your mind and the reasons you do what you do for yourself, so thats something extra to be proud of (on top of your gorgeous hair!)

I know it feels horrible when someone who is supposed to be a friend is that judgmental (and brutal) so sorry you had to experience that, but well done for sticking up for all the 'farmers' out there! People who cannot appreciate the different beauty in every unique person are seriously missing out on life.

longhairedleah
December 14th, 2011, 11:38 AM
Just because he prefers shorter hair on women, doesn't mean that all men do!

Most of my guy friends looooooove long hair on women! Don't let him get you down

Anje
December 14th, 2011, 11:40 AM
Unless you're trying to attract this guy, who seems a bit superficial from your brief description, I don't think there are any rules. Some guys like female hair styled, some like it looking a bit mussed, some like it long, some like it short.

Besides, isn't the goal to find a guy who likes you and isn't going to dump you over how you do your hair?

spidermom
December 14th, 2011, 11:40 AM
That's just HIS opinion.
My son has a friend who is crazy about my hair. He told me "I hope you don't mind if I stare. I can't get over how gorgeous and long your hair is!"

To each his or her own.

moon2dove
December 14th, 2011, 11:43 AM
Reading what your so called friend said really got my back up. Now I've calmed down a bit....

You called him a friend? I wouldn't make such comments to any of my friends.
Do you think he is trying to mould you into someone he thinks could be his 'ideal woman' ?
By the sounds of it, he is also single. Oh, dear I wonder why???!!

It's your hair, your style, your life. What you do is up to you. Enjoy your hair the way YOU want it.

I hope he didn't upset you too much.

Delila
December 14th, 2011, 11:46 AM
Your 'friend' has lots of strong opinions and tends to over share.

The only thing you know for sure is that HE'S not interested, and that he's gone to a certain amount of trouble to make sure you understand that.

He seems a tad narrow-minded and judgmental for my taste, so if it were me, no big loss.

Just remember that someone who truly loves YOU, will love your hair too. If they're shallow enough to reject you for your hairstyle of choice, they're probably not worth the effort. (Healthy relationships do take work, but it isn't one sided drudgery.)

MsBubbles
December 14th, 2011, 11:46 AM
Do you usually talk to this guy about the fact that you're single or are looking for a man? If it were me, and these opinions of his were completely unsolicited, I would certainly never hang out with him again. But if you asked him his opinion, well it's just one guy's opinion. If it bothers you and you want to know, ask more guys what they think.

Otherwise - look how you want to look!

MonaMayfair
December 14th, 2011, 11:50 AM
Well HE doesn't sound like the kind of guy most women would want to attract!
Tactless, rude, and full of ridiculous generalizations!

Someone needs to tell him to mind his own business!

xoxophelia
December 14th, 2011, 11:54 AM
Who made this guy the authority on all that is right?

Maybe his views are the reason he couldn't hold onto his ex..

You do also realize he basically said to your face you are ugly or unattractive/too ugly for any guy to be attracted? And he goes around picking apart people's looks deciding who is ACTUALLY good looking and who can just style themselves to have us all fooled. You might have been using the term friend loosely but I don't know why you would call this guy your friend.

Kaelee
December 14th, 2011, 11:55 AM
Wow, what a jerk!

My BF seemed a little disappointed when I told him I'd got my hair trimmed. He was all "you don't like long hair?" *lol* I had to tell him yes, I do! But it needed trimmed. :)

beccababesx
December 14th, 2011, 12:01 PM
This is ridiculous, he is a loser, men love long hair. Easy :D

WaitingSoLong
December 14th, 2011, 12:03 PM
So apparently we must all strive to look exactly like everyone else.

So much for variety.

I think most people would rather look unquely themselves and not some copy and paste version of a hollywood model or fashion trend.

And then there's this guy.

I would find an opportunity to further educate this guy on the virtues of growing long hair, like patience, dedication, commitment, not being a conformist, etc. But you did a better job than I would have on the spot. I am very non-confrontational and only think of proper things to say in retro-spect, I tend to clam up in situations like this.

I can see him wearing a bright red and blue Superman shirt, only the S stands for SuperFICIAL. Or Shallow.

I definitely would not be trying to conform to attract men. Too many people do this and once dating, the other just finds out it was all a facade anyway. What is the point? Unless you just want to have fun...but changing who you are just to please others is betrayal.

Big applause for handling it the way you did. That, my fellow LHCer, is beauty.

tweetylonghair
December 14th, 2011, 12:03 PM
Ok to the OP after reading this to my husband.. He would like to say. The male is a jerk and has no right trying to change you. If he isn't happy with the way you are then you can find better friends ..yes even male ones.. .. My husband loves long hair and encourages me everday to grow mine even longer than it currently is like in my album.

Johannah
December 14th, 2011, 12:08 PM
First off- that guy is a jerk. I would not call him a friend.

Second off- You are exactly right. We are not here to look good for men. I'm so pissed off right now...

Third off- Keep doing what you are doing if it makes you happy.

Fourth off- The type of man you would want is the type of man who loves you for you, and who loves the way you look without you having to look a certain way for him. I bet you already know this.

Fifth off- *hugs*

This. I've always known that man just like women with long hair. Or is it just me?

supbanana
December 14th, 2011, 12:11 PM
I think one of the most helpful things I've heard is "I'm not here to decorate your world." This applies to hair, weight, personal style, and everything else. I love it and have used it often. :)

I know plenty of people in happy relationships with all lengths of hair. Sure, hair length preferences are up to the individual, but who is this guy to make you feel like crap about the way you look? He's just one (seemingly superficial) guy and he's not qualified to speak for men as a whole.

I'm just blown away by how rude he was, I really hope you asked for his opinion before all of that because otherwise this is just unforgivable.

Theobroma
December 14th, 2011, 12:18 PM
Your "friend" is an object lesson in precisely the kind of man no woman should be changing her appearance to attract. He's rude and boorish and perhaps not terribly bright, given that he doesn't seem to realise that just because he looks for certain superficial things in a woman, the rest of the male population don't necessarily look for the same traits. He's also revealed himself to be thoroughly superficial and not at all the kind of person one would want to consider sharing one's life with. If he's that obsessed with externals, what's going to happen a few decades down the line? No amount of hair styling and dyeing will slow down the clock, and sooner or later any woman will stop "looking good" in the way he thinks she should. Where will he be then?

Oh, and there is rather a choice irony in his former girlfriend's cutting her hair at his insistence and still being his former girlfriend. I wonder whether his clearly contraceptive personality had something to do with that? :confused:

Becky9679
December 14th, 2011, 12:22 PM
It's been my experience that most men prefer women with long hair. One time I posted a youtube video of a girl with floor length hair on facebook and several guys I know commented on how amazing it was. One said that he finds it really disappointing that more women don't choose to grow their hair very long and leave it natural and unstyled because he finds it beautiful, feminine and sexy (not that we're doing it for the menfolk obviously but it's still nice to hear!). My own husband gets a little upset if I ever talk about cutting my hair. Obviously different things attract different people but the overwhelming majority that I've come across feel the same way.

ETA: I could make some comment about this guy's rudeness but I think it's all pretty much been said by those before me!

marzipanthecat
December 14th, 2011, 12:24 PM
It really is just his opinion. And everyone has their own opinions on anything and everything.

I don't agree with him, and I'm pretty sure there's a lot of gentlemen out there who like ladies with long hair. It's a sweeping generalisation to say that all men don't like long hair.

(I'm going to mention that it sounds a bit like a man I knew many, many years ago, who always found some little thing wrong with me. I realise now that it wouldn't matter what I looked like, I would never have looked "right".)

3azza
December 14th, 2011, 12:26 PM
Who hired him to speak on behalf of all men? As far as i know, smart men can spot beauty in all kinds of women, short hair/long hair, highlights/no highlights... not so smart of him, eh?

Pixna
December 14th, 2011, 12:32 PM
So apparently we must all strive to look exactly like everyone else.

So much for variety.

I think most people would rather look unquely themselves and not some copy and paste version of a hollywood model or fashion trend.

And then there's this guy.

I would find an opportunity to further educate this guy on the virtues of growing long hair, like patience, dedication, commitment, not being a conformist, etc. But you did a better job than I would have on the spot. I am very non-confrontational and only think of proper things to say in retro-spect, I tend to clam up in situations like this.

I can see him wearing a bright red and blue Superman shirt, only the S stands for SuperFICIAL. Or Shallow.

I definitely would not be trying to conform to attract men. Too many people do this and once dating, the other just finds out it was all a facade anyway. What is the point? Unless you just want to have fun...but changing who you are just to please others is betrayal.

Big applause for handling it the way you did. That, my fellow LHCer, is beauty. Yep. Ditto. Couldn't have said it better.

thunderlilies
December 14th, 2011, 12:37 PM
Wow, what a horrible list of things to say to someone. My thoughts are that if you do indeed ''scare'' away certain TYPES of men by your long hair... then you may be better off for it anyhow.

Xandergrammy
December 14th, 2011, 12:42 PM
If this is the type of guy you would attract by cutting and dyeing your hair, I say that's a pretty good argument for growing it as long as you can. :gabigrin: And knowing me, I'd probably tell him that to his face. He sounds like a very rude, ignorant human being.

CarpeDM
December 14th, 2011, 12:43 PM
TOOL ALERT! Please don't give another thought to his stinky opinion.

Delila
December 14th, 2011, 12:50 PM
If this is the type of guy you would attract by cutting and dyeing your hair, I say that's a pretty good argument for growing it as long as you can. :gabigrin: And knowing me, I'd probably tell him that to his face. ...

Me too. Nicely put.

Rybe
December 14th, 2011, 12:52 PM
He's lucky he's not my friend, or he'd still be writhing on the floor from the long, endless series of nut-punches he would have received for that crap. And for the record, I'm sure my husband would join in helping with said punches.

Seriously, ignore him. Long or buzzed your hair is your hair. Generalizing what guys like is as stupid as generalizing what looks good on women.

teal
December 14th, 2011, 12:59 PM
Well, his opinion is moot because you don't need to "attract and keep" a man. The right man will be attracted and kept on his own recognizance.

FrozenBritannia
December 14th, 2011, 01:02 PM
Lots of men run a mile from any girl who spends hours in the bathroom straightening and fixing and applying make up. They might like the finished product, but they don't like the upkeep.
I have never been one to 'do' my hair, and it was bsl when I met my husband, and he loved it. He prefers when I don't wear makeup, and he prefers my natural hair colour. Ultimately, men want to recognise you in the morning.

Keep this guys hair dresser friend way far away from your hair, I wouldn't trust either of them.

dulce
December 14th, 2011, 01:11 PM
That guy is a jerk because of the pressure and words he used.A lot of men like natural long healthy hair but not all,a few prefer more styled salon hair.Do what you like.You are NOT single due to long hair.That comment is ridiculous!!!

Mopolop
December 14th, 2011, 01:39 PM
You look really nice in your profile pic (yes, I did sort of stalk your profile :oops:). Obviously the guy is a d***head regardless of how you look, but I don't think he's right about anything...you look lovely! Don't let him affect your self confidence. :flower:

Celebrian
December 14th, 2011, 01:39 PM
I have to share this with you all...

Years ago, one of the most exciting and devastatingly attractive men I have ever loved, once told me that his ideal woman would have hair so long that she could use it to completely cover her 'nakedness'.

I didn't have long hair at the time...

When we finished, he started dating this girl who had hair long enough to sit on. So, I think that speaks for itself!

To the O/P - you're not really looking to pull a lot of glances from a lot of men. Just some glances and approaches from the kind of men who would find their dream woman in someone like you. :D

Chetanlaiho
December 14th, 2011, 01:45 PM
Honestly he sounds like a jerk that I would never in a million years consider a friend. He also sounds like the type to give unwanted, unsolicited advice.

I think my long hair actually makes me more attractive to most guys xD DBF loves it but complains that I don't wear it down more because he 'feels like I have short hair' because I wear it up all the time to protect it.

Honestly if a guy likes you for who you are (the way he should) then he will love you with long hair too ;)

SoulOfTheSea
December 14th, 2011, 01:52 PM
I feel this pressure every day when I go to work. I work at a boutique. Both the manager and the owner of the shop have sleek, straight bobs and dress very chic. I have waist-length wavy hair that isn't always perfect, so when it isn't, I put it up in a chopstick. The manager always says my hair is beautiful, but it's so hard not to feel that pressure to look "put together" and chic all the time, especially when I'm so not. So, I just try to keep my hair up, and try to remember that most people that come into the shop are just people, yeah maybe a richer than myself, but nonetheless people. Most of the people that come in are old ladies, who wear sweaters and what not.

I just try to forget about my work life, which isn't my world. I just think about how much my DBF loves my long hair, and how much prettier it will be at hip-length. Societal pressures are always there, and there are always going to be men who don't like long hair. If they don't like it, then you know right away they aren't for you. Don't let it get to you so much. :flower: I know it's hard, but be proud of your long locks, there's a reason you're growing them and just stick to it. :)

almond
December 14th, 2011, 02:01 PM
Yes, looks like you can keep that man away with long hair, and you don't lose anything if he is so rude.
When someone loves you for who you are and not for what you want to look like, I'm more than sure he will love your long hair.

ashleyrox
December 14th, 2011, 02:05 PM
I had a peek at your profile, tell him to take a hike, you are so pretty. Maybe your out of his league and he was trying to make himself feel better.

gretchen_hair
December 14th, 2011, 02:20 PM
I read this as:

If I keep my hair.............long men will stay away.:o

jeanniet
December 14th, 2011, 03:12 PM
I think your "friend" has a really big ego, since he thinks he knows what all men like. I can tell you that my husband and teenage sons all prefer a more natural look on women (or at least what they think is natural looking vs. heavy makeup and styled hair). Anyway, do you really want a man who wants you to be other than who you are?

I think if women enjoy makeup and styling their hair, they should go for it. But they should do it because they want to, not because they feel they have to. I also think that next time your friend brings this up, you should tell him to piss off. :cool:

pinchbeck
December 14th, 2011, 03:24 PM
With longer hair I am being true to me. In September 2010 I got my hair cut to bsl adding layers. Why? My mother, sister, bf at the time, and my son all said my hair was too long. I felt if all four people in my life who are closest to me felt the same way about my length...it meant they were right. I have also had other men ask me, "have you considered a shorter hair style?" on the first date. And...some men out of the blue have messaged me on my online dating profile to let me know I would look better if I cut my hair and highlghted it. So...if the majority thinks I would look better with shorter hair then maybe it is true. Doesn't mean I will go and cut it off, however.

So far about 40 people have viewed my profile here. I haven't heard any comments that my length suits me. So again, this is the majority. Maybe...just maybe my friend is on the outside looking in and I can't see what I am doing to myself in order to have the long hair I dreamed of all my life. Could it be costing me my appearance? It very well could be.

ETA: I wonder if there are some women out there willing to sacrifice looking better in order to have longer locks that in my opinion make them more beautiful. Once I watched an episode of "Hoarders" and the women featured had classic length hair. My son said, "It looks like she is hoarding her hair, too". Now where is the rolly eye emoticon to insert in this edit?

MsBubbles
December 14th, 2011, 03:38 PM
Pinchbeck, I'm 44, and started growing my hair long at age 40. In the past 4 years, NOBODY has dared to say anything to me about my hair length. It's 33" and all one length. Heck, I'm even growing out my highlights, for extra added dowdiness.

I find it staggering that so many people have dumped their opinion on you about this! I saw your profile and thought you looked pretty, with nice hair! I have to wonder, are you hanging out with people who make it a habit to focus on critiquing others' looks? I asked in my post earlier: were you and the guy friend at lunch discussing your chances of getting a man, or something similar?

My male friends all know to leave well enough alone when it comes to comments about my hair. You must just be really kind and approachable (I'm probably not!), for so many people to just hand you unsolicited advice like that. I think I've got the Clint Eastwood glare down to a tee, which I don't hesitate to use if I even suspect somebody is going to tell me to go to a salon.

MonaLisa
December 14th, 2011, 03:40 PM
Listen to your own feelings.

I've never cut my hair short, but lets say BSL...made me feel so strange, not like me...
As it gets longer I feel more like me. If I'd cut it now..I'd feel sad..I'd feel loss.
Luckyly, my DBF, BFF love my hair long. My mother and some friends however think it got too long. There is some pressure + all the yummie models and celebrities have shorter, yet long, more managable, trendy styles... Would such a style be easier for my mom and friends to accept? Definitely! Would I feel happier, more true to myself - I don't think so.

Don't let the pressure get to you! Do what you want! In this aspect of life, at least that is possible and easy.. Love your hair :)

jeanniet
December 14th, 2011, 03:48 PM
ETA: I wonder if there are some women out there willing to sacrifice looking better in order to have longer locks that in my opinion make them more beautiful. Once I watched an episode of "Hoarders" and the women featured had classic length hair. My son said, "It looks like she is hoarding her hair, too". Now where is the rolly eye emoticon to insert in this edit?

Raising my hand here. All during the time I was growing up, I felt like I didn't look right because I was an Indian kid in a sea of white (my dad is from India). When I was in middle school, I wished so much that I had long, straight blonde hair. I never appreciated how I looked because I wanted to look like everyone else. Now I've finally gotten to the point where I. really. don't. care. I don't necessarily want to look ugly, you understand, but I care what *I* think more than what anyone else thinks. I think knowing what you want in spite of what others may say can be pretty attractive, too. :)

HintOfMint
December 14th, 2011, 03:49 PM
I have to share this with you all...

Years ago, one of the most exciting and devastatingly attractive men I have ever loved, once told me that his ideal woman would have hair so long that she could use it to completely cover her 'nakedness'.

I didn't have long hair at the time...

When we finished, he started dating this girl who had hair long enough to sit on. So, I think that speaks for itself!

To the O/P - you're not really looking to pull a lot of glances from a lot of men. Just some glances and approaches from the kind of men who would find their dream woman in someone like you. :D

I was about to draft a response telling you something along these lines, and Celebrian put it so eloquently, I just had to co-sign it. [minus the devastatingly handsome man who loved long hair. Alas, I can only dream :p ]

iszolda111
December 14th, 2011, 04:07 PM
I think there are honestly soo many, if not the majority, of men who would say they much prefer woman with very long hair. Don't listen to that.

noelgirl
December 14th, 2011, 04:10 PM
Here's the thing about changing an aspect of yourself to attract someone - the person you're attracting likes a person you're pretending to be, so do you really want to keep up that act? Not only that, but you're missing out on someone who likes you for the person you are, since he, without knowing you, would also think you're more conventional than you are.

Carolyn
December 14th, 2011, 04:11 PM
Wow. What a jerk to actually say all that to you. It sounds like he needs a filter between his brain and his mouth. If a guy said that to me I'd tell him to go find a doormat who is willing to conform to his wants. You don't need an ass like that in your life. What a rude, opinionated ass.

Miss Catrina
December 14th, 2011, 04:25 PM
Your only mistake here is calling him a friend. :p

prosperina
December 14th, 2011, 04:29 PM
With longer hair I am being true to me. In September 2010 I got my hair cut to bsl adding layers. Why? My mother, sister, bf at the time, and my son all said my hair was too long. I felt if all four people in my life who are closest to me felt the same way about my length...it meant they were right. I have also had other men ask me, "have you considered a shorter hair style?" on the first date. And...some men out of the blue have messaged me on my online dating profile to let me know I would look better if I cut my hair and highlghted it. So...if the majority thinks I would look better with shorter hair then maybe it is true. Doesn't mean I will go and cut it off, however.

So far about 40 people have viewed my profile here. I haven't heard any comments that my length suits me. So again, this is the majority. Maybe...just maybe my friend is on the outside looking in and I can't see what I am doing to myself in order to have the long hair I dreamed of all my life. Could it be costing me my appearance? It very well could be.

ETA: I wonder if there are some women out there willing to sacrifice looking better in order to have longer locks that in my opinion make them more beautiful. Once I watched an episode of "Hoarders" and the women featured had classic length hair. My son said, "It looks like she is hoarding her hair, too". Now where is the rolly eye emoticon to insert in this edit?

I think your length suits you. :) And I'm not just saying that because you brought it up. I think it is youthful and pretty, and I think you look younger than your posted age.

I think if you are looking for a guy who *uncritically* follows conventional wisdom (in the form of fashion trends, hair trends, or a guy who just believes what he hears on tv or reads online, without thinking it over) then yes, your hair might keep some guys away. If you are looking for someone who thinks for himself and forms his own opinions, then no, your hair would be a non-issue. If you want a guy who values your individuality and your unique beauty, hair should be a plus, or at least a neutral issue.

Long hair is a bit of an unconventional choice, so you might not attract someone typical or conventinal. Or you still could; it's hard to tell.

Beatnik Guy
December 14th, 2011, 04:33 PM
Views profile. He's wrong. :rolleyes:

Mopolop
December 14th, 2011, 04:56 PM
So far about 40 people have viewed my profile here. I haven't heard any comments that my length suits me. So again, this is the majority. Maybe...just maybe my friend is on the outside looking in and I can't see what I am doing to myself in order to have the long hair I dreamed of all my life. Could it be costing me my appearance? It very well could be.

I can't comment on whether another hair style would look better on you, but I think you look pretty with long hair.

Mopolop
December 14th, 2011, 04:58 PM
i.e. you look pretty with long hair, not despite of.

newbeginning
December 14th, 2011, 05:08 PM
He's lucky he's not my friend, or he'd still be writhing on the floor from the long, endless series of nut-punches he would have received for that crap. And for the record, I'm sure my husband would join in helping with said punches.

Seriously, ignore him. Long or buzzed your hair is your hair. Generalizing what guys like is as stupid as generalizing what looks good on women.

I wanted to say that I'd be punching him in a certain part of his anatomy if he said such stupid things to me but you beat me to it. He sounds like a huge jerk and I pity the women he manages to date/have a relationship with (they would have to have a very low opinion of themselves to conform to his standards). I'm glad you stayed calm and set him straight.

Edit: I just looked at your profile. You are very pretty and I think your long hair suits you. You have a natural beauty/look so your long, natural hair suits it.

prettyhairisred
December 14th, 2011, 05:22 PM
Thats very different then what happens in my small town :P We freak out on the people that cut their hair. It's considerd "wierd" and "ungirly" to cut your hair :'(

Orangerthanred
December 14th, 2011, 05:27 PM
Hair matters not.

Lici1209
December 14th, 2011, 05:36 PM
He's really rude. It's your hair and if you asked for his opinion, he could say he prefers shorter hair, but to say you won't be able to get a guy because of it is wrong and rude!

Xandergrammy
December 14th, 2011, 05:48 PM
With longer hair I am being true to me. In September 2010 I got my hair cut to bsl adding layers. Why? My mother, sister, bf at the time, and my son all said my hair was too long. I felt if all four people in my life who are closest to me felt the same way about my length...it meant they were right. I have also had other men ask me, "have you considered a shorter hair style?" on the first date. And...some men out of the blue have messaged me on my online dating profile to let me know I would look better if I cut my hair and highlghted it. So...if the majority thinks I would look better with shorter hair then maybe it is true. Doesn't mean I will go and cut it off, however.

So far about 40 people have viewed my profile here. I haven't heard any comments that my length suits me. So again, this is the majority. Maybe...just maybe my friend is on the outside looking in and I can't see what I am doing to myself in order to have the long hair I dreamed of all my life. Could it be costing me my appearance? It very well could be.

ETA: I wonder if there are some women out there willing to sacrifice looking better in order to have longer locks that in my opinion make them more beautiful. Once I watched an episode of "Hoarders" and the women featured had classic length hair. My son said, "It looks like she is hoarding her hair, too". Now where is the rolly eye emoticon to insert in this edit?


Here's that rolly eye thingie :rolleyes:

Like msbubbles, I started growing my hair at 40 also. I had kept my hair short to please someone and when I was free of that someone, I decided to grow my hair. And my DH encouraged me. In my real world (as in- at work), I am not like any one else. I don't wear trendy clothes and I don't get my hair cut and colored every month. I don't like it. There are actually women in my office who go to the same hairdresser and have identical hair. I don't want hair identical to them. Would I look better with a makeover? Maybe, in someone's opinion, I would but that isn't what matters any more. I have finally gotten to the point at the age of 56 that I don't care what other people think and believe me, I've heard zillions of "suggestions" over the years. I won, though, because my hair is longer than ever and the people who kept trying to get me to cut/color my hair have given up. My hair makes me happy. I only wear it loose on washday (once a week). I wear it up most days so most people who don't know me have no idea how long my hair is. But I know and I love it. My point is, I hope you can get to the point where you have the confidence to believe that you are beautiful just the way you are.

I did visit your profile and did not leave a comment because I don't know you and didn't want to come off as creepy, but I think you and your hair are gorgeous. When you least expect it, the right man will come along and make you realize that this is true.

MoonLover
December 14th, 2011, 05:48 PM
I haven't read all of the posts so I may be echoing others' sentiments but I want to make sure you know this is true:

You are beautiful (not just saying this, I peeked at your profile) and there is no reason for you to change. If you are caring enough to stay away from dyes for environmental reasons then attracting a guy who likes dyed hair will never be a priority. By not doing what your friend suggested, you are keeping away them men you don't want anyway so good for you!

I'm not sure that this is a great parallel but I almost never used to wear heels because besides the fact that they are painful, I don't want to attract a man who likes to see girls hobbling around, helpless and easily tripped. And my now dbf still always thinks I'm sexy on date nights when I wear flats. So even though I don't look conventionally sexy in flats I found a man who sees me that way regardless :-)

indiana
December 14th, 2011, 05:49 PM
Keep the long hair. Lose the "friend".

Most styles come and go. Looking back 10 years, 20 years ago - hair that was styled was pretty goofy looking. Today's "in" look will be dated and silly looking in a few years.

Long, healthy hair is timeless. It's a classic type of beauty that does not change.

You don't keep a man by the way you look. You don't WANT the kind of man who sticks around because of your "look".

Jessibear2854
December 14th, 2011, 05:49 PM
Those are horrible things to say to someone. He should be ashamed of himself. Why would you care what HE thinks would look good on you? He sounds like he might be a control freak who has a thing for you, so I say run and don't look back. He's not a friend if he is saying things like this and making you feel bad about yourself. Life's too short to hang out with people like that.

The question of how women can be true to themselves is something I've been struggling with lately. Sometimes I think it would be nice to be a man, because they seem to be able to just be men and not worry so much about appearances. They don't have to wear makeup or do their hair or obsess about their bodies for women to love them. Me, I feel bad because my fiance, although I know he loves me, rarely compliments me on my looks. I know that he prefers women who are built a certain way physically, which I am not. While I can appreciate that he is able to look past the flaws of my appearance and love me for who I am inside, it does hurt when because I know that I am not the "ideal" for him as far as attractiveness goes.

So...I don't know the answer but I am glad you have the courage to be yourself. Do not let what this guy said get to you. Stay strong!

Xandergrammy
December 14th, 2011, 05:50 PM
Edit: I just looked at your profile. You are very pretty and I think your long hair suits you. You have a natural beauty/look so your long, natural hair suits it.

My thoughts exactly.

intothemist1999
December 14th, 2011, 05:50 PM
It's already been said but this jerk made me mad.

You have your hair how YOU like. This guy just doesn't like long hair. That's fine. He's not required to like *your* hair -- you are!

ETA: I didn't read the whole thing yet cuz I was peeved. However, if you're looking for a partner, you will be more likely to attract someone when you like they way you look -- not by conforming to someone else's idea -- as it gives off an inner confidence. I'm glad that woman's his EX -- she's best rid of a controller like that.

KwaveT
December 14th, 2011, 06:10 PM
With what he said to you it is a good thing that I am:
a) a Christian and b) not a woman or he would be picking himself up off the floor if I were in that situation. His comments were rude and so uncalled for. I just can't fanthom how any man can blatantly tell a woman that she is ugly. I did that once in my life but it was out of fear of girls. I was afraid of girls walking up to me and I was trying to get rid of her. I was shaking in her presence. I still wonder if I damaged that girl's self esteem even twenty years later. I prayed about it to God to get it off my mind. I would think about it again and again every few years. Your hair is absolutely gorgeous. He would be the last person that you need to be listening to.

CurlyCap
December 14th, 2011, 06:30 PM
1. This guy is a jerk who objectifies women. It's been my experience that guys like this are also the one's who are always complaining that their women don't love them for them. Hmmm, birds of a feather?

2. People will say all kinds of insane things. Stick to what you like, because you'll be most happy and therefore confident. That's sexy. When I was younger, I was told that my long hair was VERY attractive but might repel dates because it would label me as having high standards and expectations. WHA?! I've also been told since I cut my hair that it means I value my femininity less. People are crazy. Do want you want.

novemberfoxtrot
December 14th, 2011, 06:37 PM
My guy friends were always telling me what I needed to do to get a man. Some solicited, some not. But they totally contradicted each other. This guy probably thought he was being helpful. He knows what he likes, and what his friends like...so that must be what all guys like, right? But he lost the 'tact gene.'

I think your long hair suits you. I don't like long hair on everybody but it looks good on you. And there's no way you're 43.

A. Correira
December 14th, 2011, 06:37 PM
I am sorry that he said those things to you. If you aren't comfortable with doing those things, then don't, that isn't who you are. Some women are into making their appearance for men, but all they are is eye candy. What you do to your hair is up to you! No one else! No matter what he said or says in the future, You are the most beautiful when you are YOU! Don't feel pressured to do those things and don't let it get to you!

Schipperchow
December 14th, 2011, 07:09 PM
No, keeping your hair long will not keep men away. However, does this person know that you have an online profile & are seeking dates? what prompted him to make those comments? Although what he said is simply his opinion, did you ask for it? Perhaps he thought he was being helpful. On the other hand, how is it that you are "attracting" people into your life who feel that they should be telling you how you should look and wear/style your hair? You are a grown woman and you don't have to justify your reasons for growing your hair long other than it pleases you to do so nor do you have to or feel that you should conform to their opinions. Those who truly love and care for you will want you to do what makes you happy.

I have not looked at your profile so I cannot say if I think your hair "suits" you. But I don't think my opinion on your hair should matter. If you are happy with it longer, then I am happy for you. :blossom:

sneakybea
December 14th, 2011, 07:11 PM
I think he has a very narrow view of beauty--he's trying to tell you you should look like everybody else does, and that's crazy. I do think your hair suits you, and I really admire your response about the environmental impact of hair color (which is one of the factors that keeps me from coloring my grays). I don't believe that all men share his views, and I suspect he is deliberately trying to undermine your self-confidence for whatever reason--this advice was unsolicited, right?
I don't believe trying to change your appearance to appeal to men will get you any sort of man you'd want.
Hang in there--you look great!

Quixii
December 14th, 2011, 07:22 PM
One of the things that initially attracted my DBF to me was my long hair. Not in a creepy way, but in a, "That's unusual, but so pretty!" way. :)

pinchbeck
December 14th, 2011, 08:31 PM
-this advice was unsolicited, right?Yes, his advice was unsolicited. I haven't once asked him about my hair. It was weird how he was pointing other women's hair out to me where we were eating. I once went to one of his friend's house party that had a beautiful tropical theme in the yard with a DJ and wooden bar. There was one women there he talked with briefly who had dyed blonde shoulder length layered hair, fake tanned skin, and makeup. He later revealed that he dated her (she is now with another body builder dude he knows). What was strange is she wasn't 'hot' in my eyes - just trendy.

supbanana
December 14th, 2011, 08:40 PM
With longer hair I am being true to me.

That's really all that matters. :) I cut my hair from waist to jaw length in 2008 and I was miserable. I felt so ugly and awkward for months until it grew past APL. That experience means I'll never cut my hair again unless I absolutely have to because my long hair is a part of my identity.

The main thing is your happiness, and I'm sorry he said those things to you and made you feel this way. :(

pinchbeck
December 14th, 2011, 08:47 PM
I cut my hair from waist to jaw length in 2008 and I was miserable. I felt so ugly and awkward for months until it grew past APL. That experience means I'll never cut my hair again unless I absolutely have to because my long hair is a part of my identity. I did that once too when I was in my early 20's because my best friend told me I had a wide jaw and that if I cut my hair to jaw length it would camouflage it. So off my long hair went. I won't go into how horribly it made me feel.

slo2gro
December 14th, 2011, 08:48 PM
dont ya just love peeps who offer up their unsolicited advice NOT.... SHUT your pie HOLE people if ya got nothing nice to say SHEESH. Look buddy if ya like ya lil short haired hilighted blondes go get one and feck off lol Im sure your hair is beautiful hun feck him and his glass eye lol grrrr peeps lol

jacqueline101
December 14th, 2011, 08:53 PM
I think he's jealous of your hair and he's not a true friend. He wouldn't try to change you if he was a true friend. He's rude for pointing out hair styles and different things.

Leucothea
December 14th, 2011, 09:05 PM
:rolleyes: And to think when I had a bob, people kept telling me I would have a boyfriend if I had long hair...

I would not worry about it if I was you! You're hair is very beautiful, you should wear it proudly :)

jujube
December 14th, 2011, 09:09 PM
:rolleyes: And to think when I had a bob, people kept telling me I would have a boyfriend if I had long hair...

I would not worry about it if I was you! You're hair is very beautiful, you should wear it proudly :)

Yep, there will always be haters. And people who think they're helping you with what they're saying. It's up to you to decide who's worth keeping as a friend.

Alun
December 14th, 2011, 09:13 PM
If this is the type of guy you would attract by cutting and dyeing your hair, I say that's a pretty good argument for growing it as long as you can. :gabigrin: And knowing me, I'd probably tell him that to his face. He sounds like a very rude, ignorant human being.

LOL! This, exactly.

Anyway, most of us guys prefer long hair, although short hair isn't a deal breaker. Well, maybe I'm a teeny bit biassed, having long hair myself, but IMHO most short haired guys also like long hair on women.

Sheryl
December 14th, 2011, 09:44 PM
My husband loves long hair and is thrilled that I am growing it long! Dont listen to him. Just because he likes it shorter, doesn't mean all men do. As a matter of fact, most of the men I know like long hair better.

Mesmerise
December 14th, 2011, 10:10 PM
Weird. Most guys I know love long hair :). Sure there are some who prefer short hair or shortish (medium) length hair, there are lots who love long hair!

And besides, it should be about YOU and not your hair :rolleyes:. Yes, a certain degree of attraction helps in attracting a person, but I don't think a person would suddenly be so much more attracted to you if you had shorter hair or styled hair. To me attraction isn't about that.

If there's a guy I find attractive, it really doesn't matter how his hair is, or what he's wearing... it's him I'm attracted to! And while some styles may suit more than others, it shouldn't be the most important thing in a relationship!!

So I would ignore that rubbish... There are so many guys who would love your long hair! And even if they don't love your HAIR they may just love YOU no matter what your hair is like.

After all I would rather be with a man who loved me with short hair, medium hair, long hair or no hair!! Hair just shouldn't be a major factor in a relationship.

Deborah
December 14th, 2011, 10:12 PM
He's an idiot. Tell him to go away.

Lianna
December 14th, 2011, 10:26 PM
Just his opinion. Most guys prefer long hair. Having hair cut is easy, not so easy (time consuming) is to grow it! More men should appreciate short hair though. It's a huge pressure to grow it long where I live.

Cjatje
December 14th, 2011, 10:27 PM
Just because he prefers shorter hair on women, doesn't mean that all men do!

Most of my guy friends looooooove long hair on women! Don't let him get you down

Exactly this!

EdG
December 15th, 2011, 01:04 AM
Pinchbeck, ignore that guy. Your hair is thudworthy. :thud:
Ed

RapunzelKat
December 15th, 2011, 01:12 AM
Pinchbeck, that guy was so out of line! :mad: You're growing your long hair to suite yourself, not him. Ignore his comments.

Incidentally, my SO loves my long hair - many guys actually really appreciate long, well-kept hair. If a guy is serious about you, he will accept and appreciate how you choose to wear your hair, not try to make you change it. And also, your hair is lovely. I think the long hair suits you very well. :)

vanity_acefake
December 15th, 2011, 01:31 AM
That guy is obviously really controlling and manipulative. He basically told you he didn't like his ex's long hair so she cut it??? Now he is trying to do the same thing to you?
He is not someone you want as a friend or around you.
Keep him at arms length. He is completely bad news.
:grouphug:
There are plenty of men who adore long hair.

Toadstool
December 15th, 2011, 01:39 AM
A few years ago I cut my hair supershort deliberately IN ORDER TO keep men away. It got me fewer male strangers talking to me. (and personally I think short hair looks just as good as long)

Athena's Owl
December 15th, 2011, 01:45 AM
what you're doing is working. this guy you're talking about would -never- go out with you!

HUGE SUCCESS! YOUR HAIR REPELS SUPERFICIAL TWITS! :happydance: :happydance: :happydance:

AnqeIicDemise
December 15th, 2011, 01:54 AM
My husband met me with short hair.. and it was mainly his gentle ribbing (he said I couldn't do it, wear long hair that is.) that spurred on my growing out my hair. He didn't believe me when I said I had grown up with glassic + length hair.

I wear my hair how *I* want to, and how I feel comfortable. Its length, its shine and silkiness urges cuddle time where he just strokes my hair. Its become a game between the two of us for me to come up with different styles for him to name. (Rose bun = donut bun. A braided bun = brain bun).. and he tells me which are duds and which styles are keepers. In fact, he's come to understand how even a simple 'do can sometimes be a little intricate and vice versa.

Every man is different and just because *he* doesn't like long-haired maidens doesn't mean there are men out there who do.

Ishje
December 15th, 2011, 02:00 AM
I think your hair is gorgeous, and I think you must be a very patient person because I would not have stayed, I would probably have tried to get away from there as soon as possible.

PriscillaCherel
December 15th, 2011, 02:02 AM
He's crazy! I know men who loves long haired womans because it's beautiful! Don't care about his opinion, he just don't like woman with long hair and that is his problem.

kittymallow
December 15th, 2011, 02:40 AM
how rude is it possible to be!!!my bf freaks out when he sees girls who had long har when they have cut it. so he is definetly a longhair lover.. ;P
people like this guy is usally really shallow, and they are often obsessed about looks, sex and money. and someone can look as pretty as a picture, but their personality can ruin their looks. so i would rather be looking like the person i am, than be some boy toy doll;P bee who you are and love yourself.. you are unique:) *hugs*

Aladria
December 15th, 2011, 03:05 AM
Tell him you're keeping it long to make sure guys like him DO stay away!

jasper
December 15th, 2011, 03:07 AM
If your hair can get rid of one man at least (him) that would be no bad thing. Note in the second sentence his "former" girl friend. She probably got fed up with his dictating her hair choices (and who knows what else) and left.

Stay true to who you are,in the hope of not to attracting men like him!

Avital88
December 15th, 2011, 03:29 AM
hahah this guy doesnt understand it, this is just his own opinion about it probably. Not ALL men are like this, for me it always works opposite that they tell me to not cut my hair so i dont know whats wrong with him?? Dont listen!

And you are not the material type of girl, what is a good thing, so why change your hair to attract material type of guys?? doesnt make sense either, stay true to yourself and the right man for you will come along. Bless!

IanB
December 15th, 2011, 03:34 AM
Tell this guy to mind his own business, this is 2011 and you do not have to pander to anyone else's demands or opinions. Your hair is gorgeous the length it is.

julliams
December 15th, 2011, 03:34 AM
Someone on LHC has a great siggy that says "I'm not here to decorate your world" and I think that is entirely appropriate here. I wonder how he would have felt if you had said the same things to him. It sounds like he mouths off before he thinks about it. If he doesn't particularly mean anything to you, I would completely disregard what he has to say to you.

I used to lick my knife and my plate when I was done with dessert and my mother told me that if my boyfriend saw me do that, he'd never marry me. Well.... when my now husband and I had our first date, we ate our dessert and then both picked up our plates and licked them clean. I knew I had a winner.

MonaLisa
December 15th, 2011, 03:46 AM
julliams that is soooo cute! :o
:D

Nuin
December 15th, 2011, 03:50 AM
He sounds like a real charmer of a human being. Oops, sorry, did I say charmer? I meant insufferable knobtwat.

It's your hair and you're entitled to enjoy it the way you want it :)

Oksana
December 15th, 2011, 03:50 AM
That is completely ridiculous! Most men I know love long hair and why would so many girls get extensions if men found long hair repulsive :confused:

irishlady
December 15th, 2011, 03:58 AM
I would not surround myself with shallow idiots like him. Not all men are like him and many men in fact love long hair.

Your hair is very pretty and it's part of you, no one can tell you what to do with it!
Who wants a boring hairstyle like every other woman anyway? Be unique!! :)

Alex Lou
December 15th, 2011, 04:04 AM
With your long, unhighlighted hair, you will not attract men like him.

This is a bad thing how? :shrug:

Mayflower
December 15th, 2011, 05:37 AM
He sounds like a real charmer of a human being. Oops, sorry, did I say charmer? I meant insufferable knobtwat.

It's your hair and you're entitled to enjoy it the way you want it :)

Hahaha I laughed out loud!

It must be so exhausting and miserable to be as much of a narrowminded person as he is. Besides, literally all men I know absolutely adore long hair, but that doesn't even matter. Weird how someone can be so superficial.

Celtic Morla
December 15th, 2011, 07:34 AM
The majprity of people nowadays are sheep blindly following the herd-sounds like he is one of the sheep. If he prefers the "ideal" of shoulder length hair, skinny(most likely) with big fake boobs, makeup plastered on - he is welcome to it. Next time he is so rude just tell him what he needs to change about himself. I have done that to people who tell me to cut my hair. If anything now that I have hit waist I feel more "myself" than I have in years! I always had long hair growing up and cut it because I was tolld I couldn't and then the rage was the page. I hated it. Now for the first time in years I am actually dropping some of the weight and it doesnt even seem an effort. I am just back to meI think.

Many people like to give advice and many cannto take advice, so dish it out to your acquaintance. Maybe he's a control freak that tries to make a woman do everything he wants then dumps her because she isnt a challenge anymore. SOmething to think about. Maybe he wants to see if you're "worthy " of his attention. Just tell him you saw his "manhood" thru the 2 way mirror thats in th emens room and he would never be in contention..LOL betcha he'll be staring at that mirror next time!

jtl45
December 15th, 2011, 07:45 AM
certainly not me!!
Jim :)

Yasmine91
December 15th, 2011, 08:16 AM
First of all, that guy is a grad A ****. Bet he looks like a condom stuffed with wallnuts.

I told my bf that I'm growing my hair really long and he thinks it's really cool.

Hair gets in the way? ask her to tie it up then!

Seriously he is a knob jockey!

Men like women to look feminine, and what is feminine? long hair. So he can shove up, the prick. (Yes, I hate people like this hence the language lol)

pinchbeck
December 15th, 2011, 08:35 AM
what you're doing is working. this guy you're talking about would -never- go out with you!

HUGE SUCCESS! YOUR HAIR REPELS SUPERFICIAL TWITS! :happydance: :happydance: :happydance:So funny - but true at the same time. It's an interesting viewpoint.

pinchbeck
December 15th, 2011, 08:46 AM
Next time he is so rude just tell him what he needs to change about himself. I have done that to people who tell me to cut my hair. If anything now that I have hit waist I feel more "myself" than I have in years!

Many people like to give advice and many cannto take advice, so dish it out to your acquaintance.I will share what my comeback was since I did leave a couple of things out. When he told me he wouldn't date me unless I covered up the greys that are coming in like a herd of ampala, I looked at his shaved forearms and said, "so, you shave your forearms - if I was looking for a woman I would find one". In addition to that I told him he wears a baseball cap to hide is withering grey black dyed hair. At that party we were at he asked two of his friends if I should change my hair. One buff guy said not to but said it might look good 'darker'. Another said it was fine. The glory was mine! Anyhow, I never dated this man and stayed clear of him for four months until he initiated contact this week. He did tell me once that I am a challenge and that he liked it, but didn't like the fact I wasn't willing to fit in with his circle of friends.

That's okay. If a man likes me for whom I am now, then he will be a keeper.

xoxophelia
December 15th, 2011, 08:52 AM
pinchbeck... I hate to say it but I don't think your current style flatters you in the best way possible. I looked through your profile and have to say..it would be a huge improvement if your hair was.. LONGER ;)

Happy growing

racrane
December 15th, 2011, 08:52 AM
Everyone's giving you great advice and said pretty much what I thought. I do think that you had a good comeback and this is just one (stupid) man. Not everyone is like him, thank goodness.

And your hair is beautiful!

pinchbeck
December 15th, 2011, 09:49 AM
For all following this post, I thought lightening it up might be nice. If you're a cat lover this is for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nn2h3_aH3vo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1qHVVbYG8Y (I laughed more watching this one...!)

:)

anikadear
December 15th, 2011, 10:01 AM
First of all, that guy is a grad A ****. Bet he looks like a condom stuffed with wallnuts.

I told my bf that I'm growing my hair really long and he thinks it's really cool.

Hair gets in the way? ask her to tie it up then!

Seriously he is a knob jockey!

Men like women to look feminine, and what is feminine? long hair. So he can shove up, the prick. (Yes, I hate people like this hence the language lol)

^^^^hehehehehehe. love this.

trolleypup
December 15th, 2011, 11:56 AM
I will share what my comeback was since I did leave a couple of things out. When he told me he wouldn't date me unless I covered up the greys that are coming in like a herd of ampala, I looked at his shaved forearms and said, "so, you shave your forearms - if I was looking for a woman I would find one". In addition to that I told him he wears a baseball cap to hide is withering grey black dyed hair. At that party we were at he asked two of his friends if I should change my hair. One buff guy said not to but said it might look good 'darker'. Another said it was fine. The glory was mine! Anyhow, I never dated this man and stayed clear of him for four months until he initiated contact this week. He did tell me once that I am a challenge and that he liked it, but didn't like the fact I wasn't willing to fit in with his circle of friends.

That's okay. If a man likes me for whom I am now, then he will be a keeper.
Mmhmm. Sounds like he is projecting his insecurities! Loser.

So long as your long renegrey hair is protecting you from idiots like that, it is all good!

ps: Chalk up another guy who likes long hair on women.

Gothchiq
December 15th, 2011, 12:00 PM
With friends like him, who needs enemies? He sounds judgmental and he seems to butt in where his advice has not been asked for.

Men like *him* might stay away, sure. I would consider that a good thing.

Most men seem to love long hair on women. You do what *you* want, and that will attract the type of men who are compatible with your style.

lesbia
December 15th, 2011, 12:46 PM
Personally I think long hair are the most feminine thing on a woman, I LOVE long haired women, and also many guys, it seems to me. I think there is nothing more attractive than a woman with long loose hair.

ladonna
December 15th, 2011, 01:34 PM
That's just his very stupid, closed minded opinion.
I don't think all guys are too into appearances anyway. I've never had trouble hooking up with guys, I've been married for 10 year's so this was before my marriage. And I'm short and chubby, hardly wear make-up, and my hair was always on the longer side.
And then there's beautiful women with long hair like Nicole Scheringer (IDK if her hair is her own) and other "hottie" that have long hair, I doubt they have trouble with entering a relationship.
Having a relationship is more than how you look, there's more fulfilling aspects of a relationship than appearance. And if it's all about appearance then those are the one's that fail.
Now I need the name and address of this douche bag so I can go kick his you know what.

lapushka
December 15th, 2011, 01:38 PM
Does his opinion actually matter that much? I don't think so. What did he say, again? *forgot* :D

If I were you, I'd just ignore him. Someone who'd dare be that rude to me would not be someone whose opinion I'd value, that's for sure.

SimplyDashing
December 15th, 2011, 01:40 PM
You know, a group of friends and I used to laugh at each other for all the different physical features we liked. Some liked tall woman, others short. Some liked short hair, others mid-back, and others, longer. One guy was hung up on feet (I kid you not). Some guys liked curvaceous woman, others didn't. The point I am trying to make is variety is the spice of life. It sickens me that women feel pressure to look a 'certain way' when in reality, at least all the men I have known, have really different tastes. I think this applies to women too. One of my ex-gf now insists that she refuses to date anyone without a beard. Yet another refuses to date anyone with facial hair. But I think what most people find is they end up with someone not for any of these superficial reasons, but because of who they are. I love long hair but haven't dated anyone with below chin length hair in 15 years. The girl I am dating now has shorter hair than me. If I were to exclude all these people based on a superficial physical characteristic, I wouldn't have dated anyone. Perhaps this is what this guy needs to learn or perhaps he will eventually find out.

Gothchiq
December 15th, 2011, 01:43 PM
Feet! :D

Boyfriend and I both like feet. And hair. For us it extends to certain shoes *for* my feet. But yeah... A real friend realizes that each person is entitled to their own style. Telling someone how they "should" look is just... assy!

pepperminttea
December 15th, 2011, 01:54 PM
I haven't read past the first few posts I'll admit, so someone's probably already said it, but is he the kind of guy you'd be interested in? Personally I'd be happier if he did stay away! :p

Intransigentia
December 15th, 2011, 03:23 PM
1. When my partner met me, I had hair that was almost short enough to stand up on its own. I was in the process of transioning from goth to :rolleyes: "respectable adult". I wore a lot of black and a lot of makeup and my hair was all sorts of funky colours. Since then, I've moved through well-dressed super-femme to longhaired birkenstock-wearing hippie. Guess what: it's me he's been attracted to all along.

2. This is just a stereotype I have but: there is a certain kind of man who is desperately status-conscious. His guy friend group's activities consist mainly of macho posturing and comparing who has the best/hottest/newest phone/car/wardrobe... and girlfriend. His status in the group is elevated the hotter (in the other guys' opinion, and no divergent tastes are allowed except maybe hair colour) and younger a woman he can get with. Add to this, among body-builders, a "thing" for transformation, before-and-after, and yeah... if he could remake you into his ideal fashion accessory, while going on all the time about what a frump you were before he "fixed" you, it would be a major coup for him among his buddies. As long as you didn't do anything troublesome like want to spend time with him or have an opinion. If I've got this guy pegged, may I suggest that you promptly downgrade him from friend to "acquaintance with whom I am icily polite".

LadyJennifer
December 15th, 2011, 04:01 PM
First off- that guy is a jerk. I would not call him a friend.

Second off- You are exactly right. We are not here to look good for men. I'm so pissed off right now...

Third off- Keep doing what you are doing if it makes you happy.

Fourth off- The type of man you would want is the type of man who loves you for you, and who loves the way you look without you having to look a certain way for him. I bet you already know this.

Fifth off- *hugs*

This exactly. What a jerk!
Ftr, my dh met and married me when I had hip length hair. He was sad when I cut it and is really glad I'm growing it out.

cubiczoeconia
December 15th, 2011, 04:14 PM
That is one of the most assanine things I've ever heard. I'm sure that models with their waist-length extensions don't have boyfriends, then?
Don't think twice about anything that comes out of that guy's mouth.

Sunsailing
December 15th, 2011, 06:11 PM
This guy said this to you? A "regular" guy wouldn't even talk to a woman about this topic. Does he date women?


You and your hair are very beautiful.
There are plenty of men who are attracted to you just the way you are!!!!

ElusiveMuse
December 15th, 2011, 06:49 PM
That is so over-the-top rude I half wonder if it was his poor attempt at joking with you.

PixxieStix
December 15th, 2011, 07:09 PM
O.o

Oh honey, he is the one who needs some help, not you. Honestly, all my experience has boiled down to this : men want women who are CONFIDENT in who they are, because that is sexier than anything else in the world to them. You do not want to be someone who sees you as an arm accessory to show off to his friends to gain "status" points, and that is exactly the kind of guy he is trying to set you up to attract. I agree with your reasons for what you like/want, but it doesn't matter what I or anyone else thinks, as long as you are comfortable with your decisions, that is what matters.

Hollyfire3
December 15th, 2011, 07:12 PM
Oh my gosh, i can't believe ANYONE would say that?! I do not think everyone with long hair looks like Omish or like a Farmer, and they too are beautiful. I think long hair ADDS to appearance, i hope guys LOVE my long hair, but is they don't, i don't care. If it isn't good enough for them, screw um, i say, that also means they are not good enough for me! Judging by your avatar, you hair is absolutly STUNNING!!! Who cares what the lastest fashion is, fads come and go, but true style is timeless. This person is obiously pushingy his (wrong) opinion on you because a man who will stay with you is one who excepts and loves ALL of you, just how you are and respects you, not tries to change you. Please, be true to yourself first, in all aspects of your life, forget the long-hair steryotypes, be yourself and love and embrace it. Think of beautiful long-haired ladies (Piper from Charmed, Megan Fox (not the best role model, but guys claim to like her) and others who are beautiful and have long locks) who cares what your hair is like as long as you love it!

holothuroidea
December 15th, 2011, 08:12 PM
Maybe he just felt like you hadn't been properly beaten down yet and it was his duty as a "friend" to make sure you fell in line.

Honestly!!!!

I could rant and rave for a long time. I am choosing not to, but I am going to echo the general sentiment here: "Can it, jerkface!"

p.s. Your hair is beautiful.

ETA: I bet those farmers have way more sex than he does.

Toadstool
December 16th, 2011, 12:51 AM
Looked in your album. You look gorgeous, like a painting or something. I had to go back and check your age because you look in your twenties (not that there's anything wrong with being 43, I'm 41).
It sounds like what he said plays on insecurities you have already, else you wouldn't give his comments any consideration. Maybe you could start thinking about what kind of partner would be worthy of you, rather than worrying about if they would accept you and your hair? Just a suggestion.

kidari
December 16th, 2011, 02:16 AM
I looked at your profile also- you're so pretty! Honestly I think your friend was being really rude. I'm not sure if he was genuinely trying to be helpful or something (giving him the benefit of the doubt) but he sure has absolutely no tact and no clue how to go about it. Honestly I would say that most men prefer longer hair on women in general I have no clue what he was talking about. Just because he thinks women should have shorter more trendy haircuts with bleached blonde highlights does not give him the right to go around telling women to do that to their hair. That is just ridiculous.

dmarie16
December 16th, 2011, 03:02 AM
SEROIUSLY!!!! This man is an idiot. Do NOT let such a ludacris comment bother you. Your and your hair are beautiful. In my experience, men LOVE long hair!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!!Long hair is very sensual and feminine. Life is not about fitting in to a fad or someone else's preconceived notion of "style".
F'get about it!!!

Lamb
December 16th, 2011, 03:14 AM
If this is the type of guy you would attract by cutting and dyeing your hair, I say that's a pretty good argument for growing it as long as you can. :gabigrin:

:lol: Touche!

There are some weird people in this world. They are entitled to their opinions, but I can't imagine saying something like what this guy said to anyone.

Nera
December 16th, 2011, 04:07 AM
I have never surrounded myself with people who would say things like that. All the men I know love my long hair, but more important; they would respect and appreciate any choice a women makes about how she looks. Wether it is having a pixie, blonde highlights or natural long hair. I've learned that, as far as they care, they always seem to appreciate hair that stands out.

I think it's a really good question you're asking here. I feel like every one probably strugles with this matter some times. But I do feel like it's also sort of like a quest to stay true to yourself, and I am positive that if you do that, you will eventually sort of automatically meet people who will admire and love you for that.

Now, the last thing your friend said to you, about the reasons for you being single... I think that's plain rude.

hanne jensen
December 16th, 2011, 06:32 AM
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Obviously, your so called "friend" likes shorter, dyed and fried hair. Somewhere there is a gentleman who thinks that you are the epitomy of beauty.

Please remember that no matter how beautiful someone is, it's only skin deep. And, time is the great equalizer!

akka naeda
December 16th, 2011, 06:53 AM
My ex used to insist that my hair would be better "in a bob", and even managed to persuade one of his other female friends that her BSL hair looked better that way. I ignored him, because it's my hair.

And just to show you that some men do like long hair (my hair is knee-length). Recently I did a course lasting a few weeks, where I generally wore my hair up as usual (Fig 8 held with Ficcare) so nobody could tell how long it was. The day I went in wearing it in a half up a guy came in, commented in an awed tone on how long my hair was and sat down to use the computer next to me. We chatted for a bit and over the next few weeks it became quite obvious he fancied me - having previously not sat anywhere near me, from then on he'd be there every day. I have to say I was rather freaked out by this because of the way my ex reacted to my hair, and once we finished the course, even though he only lives a couple of miles from me I haven't contacted him since.

CurlyMopTop
December 16th, 2011, 07:56 AM
During lunch today a male friend who keeps fit and really takes care of his appearance told me my hair is too long. He stated his former gf had long hair and that it 'got in the way' and that she finally cut it. He stated I need to cut my waist length hair to shoulder length adding I should highlight with blond. He said since the majority of women style their hair I should too in order to attract and 'keep' a man around. He also pointed out different hairstyles and said, "She is average looking, but looks 'good' because of her hairstyle".

I told him about the environmental impact hair dye has. I asked him why women can't be true to who they are and be accepted. He said men want women who look good and said I could look good. I told him being gawked at isn't my main priority and that I am who I am and am okay with that. He even told me he would bring over his friend whom is a hairstylist to give me a makeover!

This kind of pressure hurts. I know that longer hair may not be the most flattering on me, but I love owning it. I told him I grow it long because 'I can'. To think that men won't be attracted to me becaue I look like a "Menonite" or a "farmer" is horrible (those were his words). And what is wrong with these types of women anyhow? They are beautiful too but just sport a different lifesytle.

How can women stay true to who they are without feeling like they need to be part of this material world? My friend said I am single because what I am doing with the way I look is not working.

Did anyone else notice that he said former girlfriend? Haha! I bet there's a reason for that! ;) Keep rockin the hair, obviously this guy doesn't know squat about women. I don't know his age, but if he knew a thing or two about women, works out, and looks decent, then why isn't he married? :eyebrows: P.S. If he turns out to be married, I feel sorry for his wife! :cool:

Amiblue
December 16th, 2011, 09:15 AM
WOW! Some people... Everyone says I look better with shoulder length hair but my husband wants hip on me and that is where I am now heading.

Everyone has their own opinions on what they like and what looks good. What matters is how YOU feel about yourself and what your goals are. If he doesn't like it, then to bad. He isn't married to you so his opinion shouldn't make a bit of difference. Stand up for yourself and tell him that this is you and if he can't accept that, then he isn't a "friend" you need. We have your back. :D

ImperatrixMundi
December 16th, 2011, 09:26 AM
He has his hair and clearly, plenty of opinions + noise and improper comments. You have your hair and your opinion - noise & stupid comments.
Tell him that when he makes another comment about it.

cheetahfast
December 16th, 2011, 09:37 AM
I wasn't going to comment on this since you have so much support already.

One of my guy friends really likes long hair. I was getting a hair cut/trim while at shoulder. When I told him he said it was short already and I shouldn't do it. LOL.

I've also had guys tell me long hair is gross. My co-worker told me that how long my hair is now is okay, but longer would be gross...I'm at apl :rolleyes:.

So some men like short hair, some like long. Do what you like ;)

Also I think your hair looks gorgeous. Now I could be wrong, but from you picture you appear to be tall your hair seems to flatter it and also go well with your face shape. Btw: I'm a super shortie so to me most people seem tall ;).

Celebrian
December 16th, 2011, 01:28 PM
With longer hair I am being true to me. In September 2010 I got my hair cut to bsl adding layers. Why? My mother, sister, bf at the time, and my son all said my hair was too long. I felt if all four people in my life who are closest to me felt the same way about my length...it meant they were right. I have also had other men ask me, "have you considered a shorter hair style?" on the first date. And...some men out of the blue have messaged me on my online dating profile to let me know I would look better if I cut my hair and highlghted it. So...if the majority thinks I would look better with shorter hair then maybe it is true. Doesn't mean I will go and cut it off, however.

So far about 40 people have viewed my profile here. I haven't heard any comments that my length suits me. So again, this is the majority. Maybe...just maybe my friend is on the outside looking in and I can't see what I am doing to myself in order to have the long hair I dreamed of all my life. Could it be costing me my appearance? It very well could be.

ETA: I wonder if there are some women out there willing to sacrifice looking better in order to have longer locks that in my opinion make them more beautiful. Once I watched an episode of "Hoarders" and the women featured had classic length hair. My son said, "It looks like she is hoarding her hair, too". Now where is the rolly eye emoticon to insert in this edit?

All I know is that I went to your profile pic just now - and my first thought was 'yes, she suits long hair'! I moved my hands across the pic to get an idea of what you might look like with jaw level hair and then shoulder length hair - and decided the longer length you have now looks better. Just make sure you keep it split end free and conditioned and tell them all to b****r off!

Ava666
December 16th, 2011, 04:32 PM
I've had a few guys say they like my long hair, in fact my sisters guyfriend told me that I should keep it long (and that when I eventually "sleep" with a guy to keep the hair down, cause it's sexy...)
But I digress, in quite a few fantasy type stories, what do the "beautiful" women have? long hair, look at elves, they all have long hair, mermaids- long hair, {old time female}vampires- long hair, goddesses-long hair, etc etc. So if long hair wasn't sexy then why do so many mythos that are considered sexy or beautiful have long hair? oh and lets not forget some of the super heroes, wonder woman, poison ivy... ok there's my 2 cents. :)

Helenae
December 16th, 2011, 05:09 PM
Urm totally ridiculous!

Not that it actually matters but men actually will instinctively look at a woman with long healthy natural hair over some chick that has the typical BSL blonde-highlights, side-fringe look.

A guy who is telling you to look like every other woman has no sense of taste or style, and is in fact giving you a detrimental piece of advice. Who wants to look like everybody else?

Helenae
December 16th, 2011, 05:10 PM
All my friends flat iron their hair and brush it flat so that there's nothing sticking it weird directions.

I've been known for having wild big lion king hair, and so many guys have complimented it, saying that they like how natural and voluminous it is.

jojo
December 16th, 2011, 07:22 PM
There are billions of people on this planet, why let one silly comment upset you, for every person who loves shorter hair, theres 10 who prefer long. Sometimes men insult women as a way of catching their attention and remembering them (men are so silly sometimes!). Id personally just say thanks for your comments, but I prefer my hair this long. On the view you wont get a boyfriend with long hair, poppycock as spidermom would say! A man is drawn firstly to the eyes, then the person and if somebody was head over heels with you, your hair shouldn't even come into it! but its a bonus!

Maddy_T
December 16th, 2011, 07:41 PM
Urm totally ridiculous!

Not that it actually matters but men actually will instinctively look at a woman with long healthy natural hair over some chick that has the typical BSL blonde-highlights, side-fringe look.

A guy who is telling you to look like every other woman has no sense of taste or style, and is in fact giving you a detrimental piece of advice. Who wants to look like everybody else?


Agreed with this :) the NERVE of your 'friend' oh my god, for some reason I'm fuming. I guess everyone has their opinions but for him to say that you should get a generic haircut/color to appeal more to men is ridiculous. I completely disagree with him too, it's a known fact that more men prefer longer hair because it's more feminine. I think it looks fantastic on you. Long, healthy, natural hair will always trump short, layered, highlighted hair... He'd probably be freaked out if he saw the 'natural' version of these ladies hair pre-styling. Don't take him seriously, if you feel confident and beautiful with long hair then don't change it or you'll regret it. A man who would only find you attractive for your hairstyle isn't one you want to be involved with anyway.

battles
December 16th, 2011, 09:23 PM
It's not really necessary to bash anyone else's hair.


To OP, your hair is beautiful. Do what makes you happy with it and don't worry what anyone else thinks.

3azza
December 18th, 2011, 02:24 PM
I don't see how this guy saw that your long hair "repels" men, you look pretty, and your hair so matches your face ( judging by the profile pic).

Egana
December 18th, 2011, 02:53 PM
I am so sorry that this "friend" said things that have hurt your confidence. Perhaps he really *was* trying to be helpful, but it sounds like he was not. many people are hurt and angry for you here on LHC, and I hope our words of strength and admiration for you and your choices will help you.

On a side note, I am always fascinated with different cultures' concepts of beauty. And although we can be more (or less) effected by them, we can never really escape. Even our own opinions of beauty are formed by our culture, weather to conform, or to resist, or to find a unique middle ground where each person feels comfortable.

As a 40's woman with curly hair, my natural hair style and color has been in and out of "vogue" several times. One day, I walked into a department store, and ALL the mannequins had MY hair - it was freaky...

When we "put ourselves together" for the day, we have an idea of what we want to look and feel like at the end of the process. For some, the process is a pleasure, for some it is a chore, but all have at least some personal "goal" in mind. If my beauty goal looks like a 1800's farmer's wife to someone else, it may well cause them confusion (different receives attention) or concern (if they think we need their "help" to reach THEIR beauty goal or standard.)

Or, if my beauty goal is to show off my hair and not my cleavage, it can be difficult to find shirts that lead the eye in the right direction. Currently, the beauty goals of my surrounding culture are rarely in line with my own. That is another reason LHC has been such treasure for so many of us.

Again, I am sorry for your hurt feelings, and perhaps you are not interested in mending your friendship with this person, but discussing cultural beauty standards might be a way to get past personal remarks.

pinchbeck
December 19th, 2011, 09:52 AM
Thank you everyone for all the positive feedback. There are so many points that you made that are factual. Sometimes I feel like I look 'different' than other women, but will try to see the positive in it instead of the negative. Furthermore, I see lots of women with longer hair lengths wearing it proudly loose these days and it seems to be the new in thing and of course I notice them more. If they can sport a longer length - so can I and I don't have to feel so alienated.

It's nice to belong to LHC because all of us have the love of long hair in common. So, when I feel down or am being insulted about my hair length choice I can always come here!

One girl on Facebook I know makes strange comments about my hair. Here is one of those comments: It looks like you're in competition with Cher. I wasn't sure how to take this but did turn around months later and post a photo of the back of my hair when it reached waist. Others commented on it and she didn't. Hee hee. I am letting her know her comments won't change how I feel about growing my hair and keeping it long. :)

dulce
December 19th, 2011, 12:38 PM
Hi Pinchbeck,by having long healthy hair you are bucking the salon shorter highlited layered blowdried hair trend that is "in" now.It's not a bad thing to look different and unique.And many people will like your hair,some won't because they are brainwashed to follow the latest fad.Just enjoy your beautiful hair,appreciate those that like it and ignore the others.You cannot please everybody so please yourself.

white.chocolate
December 19th, 2011, 02:14 PM
Thank you everyone for all the positive feedback. There are so many points that you made that are factual. Sometimes I feel like I look 'different' than other women, but will try to see the positive in it instead of the negative. Furthermore, I see lots of women with longer hair lengths wearing it proudly loose these days and it seems to be the new in thing and of course I notice them more. If they can sport a longer length - so can I and I don't have to feel so alienated.

It's nice to belong to LHC because all of us have the love of long hair in common. So, when I feel down or am being insulted about my hair length choice I can always come here!

One girl on Facebook I know makes strange comments about my hair. Here is one of those comments: It looks like you're in competition with Cher. I wasn't sure how to take this but did turn around months later and post a photo of the back of my hair when it reached waist. Others commented on it and she didn't. Hee hee. I am letting her know her comments won't change how I feel about growing my hair and keeping it long. :)

Yes, you should definitely feel positive about yourself before all things! Just as the others had said, you obviously talked to the wrong guy! Every guy likes a different style. What he said isn't your problem. Don't worry about how many guys have said or will say negative things about your hair. Just be yourself and hopefully you'll find the right person for you. Best!

coffinhert
December 19th, 2011, 05:20 PM
Wow that guy is a p***s. I would never date someone that judgmental. What a load of crap. It's not true, or else all the long-haired women in the world would be single. What about all the girls who don't shave their legs and wax their bikini area, I bet that jerk thinks they should all be rotting alone.

As I like to say, "My body is not your playground, and I'm not here for your visual entertainment."

Stagecoach
December 19th, 2011, 06:24 PM
Good grief, lets give the guy a break. My friends can comment on my appearance anytime they wish. After all, we're FRIENDS, and why should *I* be an off limit topic?

Maybe the guy was a bit rude and sweeping, but lets not call him names.

pinchbeck
June 19th, 2014, 12:47 PM
Good grief, lets give the guy a break. My friends can comment on my appearance anytime they wish. After all, we're FRIENDS, and why should *I* be an off limit topic?

Maybe the guy was a bit rude and sweeping, but lets not call him names.

The who I referred to as a 'friend' really was someone I was sort of dating. So, I had only seen him a few times so he technically wasn't a friend. He was trying to change the way I looked so I would fit in with his crew.

Name calling may be harsh at times, but I think people are just vocal about how they're feeling in the moment and aren't afraid to voice it.

Larki
June 19th, 2014, 12:49 PM
If growing my hair longer will repel sexual attention, I'll be so stoked.

RainbowBowser
June 19th, 2014, 01:09 PM
Each their own I guess, some guys are into short hair. Do your hair for you :)

ErinLeigh
June 19th, 2014, 01:28 PM
I have never understood men who express liking a "type."
Why not be attracted to a person..not a blond, a redhead, a big bust etc? I certaintly would not date a guy just for having blue eyes..nor would I NOT date a guy with long hair if I liked him as a person. I never had a type. Short, tall, dark, light, blue eyes, brown, long hair, bald..it just never mattered to me. I have never dated a man who expressed a type either. I don't think I could honestly. If my guy said he preferred blonds for instance and I was brunette I would be offended. To me you love someone for who they are. Looks fade, accidents can happen to change appearance, illness can strike. If it's based on looks what happens if your looks change?

OP a part of me thinks you secretly question if long hair suits you and somehow you project an insecurity with it. Otherwise I cannot see so many people expressing the same opinion.
I know I feel most comfortable blond so when my hair is dark I put of a vibe of insecurity and people pick up on it and tell me it looks bad. It took me a long time to see that. Maybe that is what is happening with you unknowingly?

My bf never expressed a type. After about 10 years of demanding he pick he said he preferred me blond. He said dark made him think "goth."
I assumed he meant I looked better blond and horrible dark. A few days ago I asked him about it and he said..when your blonde you carry yourself lighter and your smile more. When you dye hair dark you frown and look serious and unhappy and seem to hide within yourself.
Made me realize it all came down to me.

I say rock the look you prefer with confidence. That is what attracts people the most.

ErinLeigh
June 19th, 2014, 01:33 PM
The who I referred to as a 'friend' really was someone I was sort of dating. So, I had only seen him a few times so he technically wasn't a friend. He was trying to change the way I looked so I would fit in with his crew.

Name calling may be harsh at times, but I think people are just vocal about how they're feeling in the moment and aren't afraid to voice it.

That makes a big difference knowing that. He sounds controlling and it's best to see that now.

lunalocks
June 19th, 2014, 01:33 PM
My Sister in law has hair much darker than my own dark blond but because she was once a blond she believes she still is one due to the fact that she keeps dying and streaking her hair. Her hair is like straw. She washes and blow dries and uses a curling iron every day. She keeps it short. She has to with all that abuse. I can't understand how men love that but she insists she has to do it in order to attract a new partner.

But apparently some men do. and women too. Everyone has their own idea of beauty. And that is OK. But to tell someone else what they have to do appearance wise in order to attract a partner, that is going way too far. None of their business, unless one asks for advice.

jeanniet
June 19th, 2014, 01:37 PM
I don't see an issue with having a preference for a certain type. I always liked blonde men with swimmer or surfer bodies, and I still think physically that's the most attractive. I married a dark-haired man who played baseball. There's more to attraction than just "type." But if you're dating someone who wants you to change a part of you, physically or otherwise, that's something else.

ErinLeigh
June 19th, 2014, 01:53 PM
I think to be vocal about a preference when the person you are speaking to does not look that way is hurtful. I just always have. It's a way of telling someone they aren't your ideal. I think everyone may be drawn to a certain look for secret eye candy but being vocal about it seems unnecessary to me. I don't like to say or hear anything that makes others feel excluded if that makes sense.

Feathered
June 19th, 2014, 01:56 PM
First off- that guy is a jerk. I would not call him a friend.

Second off- You are exactly right. We are not here to look good for men. I'm so pissed off right now...

Third off- Keep doing what you are doing if it makes you happy.

Fourth off- The type of man you would want is the type of man who loves you for you, and who loves the way you look without you having to look a certain way for him. I bet you already know this.

Fifth off- *hugs*

Exactly!! Very well said. How rude!! Guys like that would make me feel lonelier than being single.

Undomiel
June 19th, 2014, 01:57 PM
This is from the wikipedia article on long hair: "Scientists also view the ability to grow very long hair as a result of sexual selection, since long and healthy hair is a sign of fertility and youth.[1][need quotation to verify] Long lustrous female hair is rated attractive by both men and women across cultures.[2][3] An evolutionary psychology explanation for this attraction is that hair length and quality can act as a cue to youth and health, signifying a woman's reproductive potential.[4]".

I know a few men who prefer short hair and that's awesome because every look has it's appreciators. Not trying to speculate that there is something fundamentally wrong with that fyi, just saying that long hair may display health etc to a mate and maybe that's why it's seen as attractive.. so when men say long hair is completely unattractive (even if it's not their preference that is okay but to say it's ugly? that's weird) I'm a bit surprised is all.

Edit: just want to add, I know wikipedia has it's flaws and I'm not saying my quote is something written in stone even though it does have the numbers which link to studies. I'm just speculating and trying to discuss things. I don't really have a full opinion on the why of hair attraction/unattraction, just wanted to share something interesting I've read :)

Feathered
June 19th, 2014, 02:02 PM
If growing my hair longer will repel sexual attention, I'll be so stoked.

This made me laugh. Interesting viewpoint.

Cania
June 19th, 2014, 02:14 PM
A guy told me lately my hair is too long now it touches my butt and that is is 'disgusting and unhygienic'. I gave him a horrified look and said, "but if I cut it, what will I wipe with?!"
He hasn't bothered me since.

Your hair is lovely, pinchbeck. Some people think their opinion is relevant, not much you can do but move on and continue to be fabulous.

Undomiel
June 19th, 2014, 02:29 PM
A guy told me lately my hair is too long now it touches my butt and that is is 'disgusting and unhygienic'. I gave him a horrified look and said, "but if I cut it, what will I wipe with?!"
He hasn't bothered me since.

Your hair is lovely, pinchbeck. Some people think their opinion is relevant, not much you can do but move on and continue to be fabulous.
Just want to say, that's a hilarious comeback lol

skeletonous
June 19th, 2014, 02:46 PM
I second that lol

ErinLeigh
June 19th, 2014, 02:52 PM
That is hysterical. :)

I truly think there is beauty on all looks and styles. Its one thing to appreciate a certain one. Its a complete different thing to tell anyone to change theirs. That's where I draw a line everytime.

HazelBug
June 19th, 2014, 03:12 PM
I've had all sorts of hair styles during the coarse of dating my Husband. When we got married his only complaint about long hair was that I wouldn't let him mess it up so much. I've always done what I wanted with my hair. If someone can't get over it it's their problem. I keep my hair the way I want because it is what I like. I grow it or cut it based on what I want. I color it or not based on what I want.

kaydana
June 19th, 2014, 03:19 PM
A guy told me lately my hair is too long now it touches my butt and that is is 'disgusting and unhygienic'. I gave him a horrified look and said, "but if I cut it, what will I wipe with?!"
He hasn't bothered me since.

Your hair is lovely, pinchbeck. Some people think their opinion is relevant, not much you can do but move on and continue to be fabulous.

:spitting:

jeanniet
June 19th, 2014, 03:25 PM
I think to be vocal about a preference when the person you are speaking to does not look that way is hurtful. I just always have. It's a way of telling someone they aren't your ideal. I think everyone may be drawn to a certain look for secret eye candy but being vocal about it seems unnecessary to me. I don't like to say or hear anything that makes others feel excluded if that makes sense.

Vocalizing a preference to someone (not in a casual context where you're discussing preferences) is implying that they should change, so definitely not very polite! On the other hand, if your preference is very strong, then if it's someone who is interested in you it would be kind to let them know that there is one specific type you're attracted to. I don't think that's rude, really, if you're at least conscious of their feelings.

MINAKO
June 19th, 2014, 03:45 PM
"Cut it to shoulder and highlight it" is a recipe originally handed out by celebrities who would never be able to maintain healthy natural hair... and of course, blondes have more fun... like omg, are people truly loosing brain cells with every effing stupid trend and punchline they see in a magazine or on the average girls beauty bible a.k.a PINTEREST. I really couldn't care less what these idiots find attractive, please, they are very welcome to silently find me repulsive and stay the hell away from me, lol. It's not that i would be getting these remarks often, but just the idea of certain people and they self proclaimed esthetic conciousness make me cringe more and more often. Duh, as if there wouldnt be other standards besides some low brow glamour thingy in the dominating media of the western world.
I would rather jump off a cliff than question myself in result of a dumb ass opinion like this guy was expressing.

chen bao jun
June 19th, 2014, 03:59 PM
to me, the problem with the OP's conversation with the guy was not so much that he doesn't like long hair (his business) or that he loves highlighted hair (also his taste and his business) as that he starts (casually) dating a girl who is the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of that and starts manipulating her to try to change her into what he likes. Even actually mentioning ex-girlfriends and stuff.
If he had "I am a bossy control freak who will make you miserable for life if you stick with me by picking at you and taking you down bit by bit" tattooed on his forehead, it might be a little clearer that a relationship with him was a bad idea, but truly, he made himself clear enough.

meteor
June 19th, 2014, 04:08 PM
Argh, I can really relate to the whole "cut it and highlight it" prescription to get "normal" hair. It's very similar to the pressure senior ladies are often under to cut hair short and dye it. I really wish people would let others be the way they want to be.

Another thing that struck me is that he even felt the need to give the lovely OP unsolicited advice on how to attract the opposite sex: maybe he's just projecting because he himself is so focused on attracting the opposite sex?

RapunzelKat
June 19th, 2014, 04:17 PM
A guy told me lately my hair is too long now it touches my butt and that is is 'disgusting and unhygienic'. I gave him a horrified look and said, "but if I cut it, what will I wipe with?!"
He hasn't bothered me since.

Your hair is lovely, pinchbeck. Some people think their opinion is relevant, not much you can do but move on and continue to be fabulous.

Brilliant!! :spitting:

HintOfMint
June 19th, 2014, 07:45 PM
The who I referred to as a 'friend' really was someone I was sort of dating. So, I had only seen him a few times so he technically wasn't a friend. He was trying to change the way I looked so I would fit in with his crew.

Name calling may be harsh at times, but I think people are just vocal about how they're feeling in the moment and aren't afraid to voice it.

Consider him a bullet dodged.



I think to be vocal about a preference when the person you are speaking to does not look that way is hurtful. I just always have. It's a way of telling someone they aren't your ideal. I think everyone may be drawn to a certain look for secret eye candy but being vocal about it seems unnecessary to me. I don't like to say or hear anything that makes others feel excluded if that makes sense.

This. It's normal to have a type, and even more normal to date outside that type. No need to broadcast how this person doesn't fit your usual fantasy.


to me, the problem with the OP's conversation with the guy was not so much that he doesn't like long hair (his business) or that he loves highlighted hair (also his taste and his business) as that he starts (casually) dating a girl who is the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of that and starts manipulating her to try to change her into what he likes. Even actually mentioning ex-girlfriends and stuff.
If he had "I am a bossy control freak who will make you miserable for life if you stick with me by picking at you and taking you down bit by bit" tattooed on his forehead, it might be a little clearer that a relationship with him was a bad idea, but truly, he made himself clear enough.

...And this.

What a manipulative little shmuck. My college boyfriend was similar, he thought I was a "fixer upper" and wanted me to grow out my hair (but not too long), wear revealing clothes, wear makeup every day, and join a sorority. The little hairs on the back of my neck do a little salute whenever I hear a man celebrate being "normal" a little too enthusiastically.

chen bao jun
June 19th, 2014, 08:02 PM
Someone who sees you as promising raw material to turn into his fantasy woman is just.not.a.good.prospect.
Enough said.

ErinLeigh
June 20th, 2014, 07:13 AM
I didn't realize how old this thread was

MINAKO
June 20th, 2014, 07:45 AM
I didn't realize how old this thread was

Hahaha, i did, but i guess the topic never dies out and leaves room for discussion as long as there are people as opinionated as the guy the OP was talking about.

Lady Una
June 20th, 2014, 08:12 AM
"Guys don't like women with long hair" is a generalization, and it is untrue. People should not make general statements about something that is their own opinion. Also, it's an unkind thing to say.

My guy friends like my hair long. Last Christmas I mentioned to one of them that I was thinking of getting a trim and he said, "Please don't...I won't recognize you!" I laughed and explained I meant a very small trim. :P

neko_kawaii
June 20th, 2014, 08:24 AM
I didn't realize how old this thread was

It was bummped by the OP, so I figure that changes the old thread rules slightly.

Bitstuff
June 20th, 2014, 08:25 AM
I really could not care less what men think of my hair. I'm not growing it for them and I don't exist for their entertainment in general. If more men understood the second part, maybe they would harass women less.

StellaKatherine
June 20th, 2014, 09:21 AM
When I was a teenager and in my early 20s I've been hearing something similar. That I should cut shorter and such. I ment my husband with whom we are now together for almost 13 years and I've always had a long hair :) I personally doesn't like long hair, but he said " It is your hair, you can have it long or become bald, it is your decision to make, i love you and not your hair ". The man who truely loves you will not care if you have short or long hair !!!!

aloha
June 20th, 2014, 10:20 AM
what you're doing is working. this guy you're talking about would -never- go out with you!

HUGE SUCCESS! YOUR HAIR REPELS SUPERFICIAL TWITS! :happydance: :happydance: :happydance:

Still laughing ! This is the best

Anje
June 20th, 2014, 11:09 AM
It was bummped by the OP, so I figure that changes the old thread rules slightly.

There aren't really any "old thread" rules. I did add it to the title, just so people might be aware that the situation described at the beginning happened 2.5 years ago and the nature of the situation/relationship may have changed since then.

Unofficial_Rose
June 20th, 2014, 11:30 AM
A guy told me lately my hair is too long now it touches my butt and that is is 'disgusting and unhygienic'. I gave him a horrified look and said, "but if I cut it, what will I wipe with?!"
He hasn't bothered me since.



How completely brilliant :spitting::spitting:

pinchbeck
June 20th, 2014, 07:32 PM
It was bummped by the OP, so I figure that changes the old thread rules slightly.

I had to Google what bumping a thread was. Apparently bumping is annoying [sorry about that]. What do you mean 'that changes the old thread rules slightly?

The reason I replied was I felt that clarification was needed. When exact details aren't provided in an opening post it's easy to misconstrue.

BTW I've seen posts where the person would write, "bump" and I had no clue what that meant.

Scarlet_Heart
June 20th, 2014, 08:39 PM
Oh no, bumping just means replying just to bring a thread back to the top of the forum so more people will see it. It doesn't necessarily have a bad connotation.

Breanna
June 20th, 2014, 08:53 PM
This was really surprising to read actually, I always thought men loved long hair! My boyfriend adores my hair and is super excited that I'm growing it longer. One of his favourite things is watching me brush it or put it up, especially to get it out of the way while we're being intimate haha.
I once watched this video about the woman with world record length dreadlocks and she said that her hair was never ever a problem in her romantic life. I think basically the guys who have a problem with long hair are obviously just not the guys for you, and still they're not that important anyway, like you said, not a priority. Focus on you and go admire yourself and your lovely hair in a mirror and make some funny faces :) nothing else matters.

chen bao jun
June 20th, 2014, 09:51 PM
I remember a conversation I once had with a group of women friends. We were talking about what men were most attracted to . the woman who was, shall we say, well-buiilt, shoved out her chest and said, 'Men like boobs.' the very tall woman crossed her legs and said, "men like legs.' The woman with the long hair gave it a swish and said, "men like long hair,' and the blonde fluffed her short hair and said, "men like blondes. i didn't say anything but I thought about what my Dad used to say when we complained that men would never like us because of this or that feature. "For every Jack there's a Jill."

spirals
June 20th, 2014, 10:29 PM
Why not be attracted to a person..not a blond, a redhead, a big bust etc? I certaintly would not date a guy just for having blue eyes..nor would I NOT date a guy with long hair if I liked him as a person. I never had a type. Short, tall, dark, light, blue eyes, brown, long hair, bald..it just never mattered to me. I have never dated a man who expressed a type either. I don't think I could honestly. If my guy said he preferred blonds for instance and I was brunette I would be offended. To me you love someone for who they are. Looks fade, accidents can happen to change appearance, illness can strike. If it's based on looks what happens if your looks change?
This is exactly how I feel, especially the bolded part.

MissPetite2010
June 20th, 2014, 10:41 PM
Don't worry about it. There's a lot of guys that like women with long hair. Some guy friends of mine, like a woman's hair to reach her back. If they have a prob with it, then oh well. Long, short, medium, a girl/woman should be proud of what she's got. A guy should like a woman for who she is, and not the length of her hair. Be yourself and true to who you are. And tell 'em he can have his hairdresser cut someone else's hair. Unless you want a trim or whatever the choice may be. Happy hair growing! :)

neko_kawaii
June 20th, 2014, 11:58 PM
There aren't really any "old thread" rules. I did add it to the title, just so people might be aware that the situation described at the beginning happened 2.5 years ago and the nature of the situation/relationship may have changed since then.


I had to Google what bumping a thread was. Apparently bumping is annoying [sorry about that]. What do you mean 'that changes the old thread rules slightly?

The reason I replied was I felt that clarification was needed. When exact details aren't provided in an opening post it's easy to misconstrue.

BTW I've seen posts where the person would write, "bump" and I had no clue what that meant.

No worries Pinchbeck, these are not social rules (written down) these are cultural rules and thus up for discussion, disagreement, and modification on the fly.

Sometimes people will "bump" old threads with insubstantial replies in order to increase their post count. The next person comes along and doesn't notice the original date of the post, reads only the initial post and replies to it without noticing that the issue is resolved later in the thread. This happens for a few posts, someone else comes along who does notice the initial date and they say, "Hey, this is old, why did this get pulled up?" Another term for bumping an old thread is "necro" - raising it from the dead. In most of the cases where this happens it is on threads where the OP doesn't even visit LHC anymore, so the advice given is shouting into the wind even more than most internet posts are. In situations such as that people get irritated by the bump and the lack of observation on the part of subsequent posters.

In this situation, you are the OP and you wanted to clarify something, so the irritation about the thread bump is misplaced.

Tall Blond(ish)
June 21st, 2014, 12:22 AM
I was wondering why you wanted to clarify the nature of the relationship two years later. Has something come up in the present that brought you back to this discussion? Is this guy still bothering you?

ErinLeigh
June 21st, 2014, 12:41 AM
I had to Google what bumping a thread was. Apparently bumping is annoying [sorry about that]. What do you mean 'that changes the old thread rules slightly?

The reason I replied was I felt that clarification was needed. When exact details aren't provided in an opening post it's easy to misconstrue.

BTW I've seen posts where the person would write, "bump" and I had no clue what that meant.

I am glad you bumped ! IT is such a good topic. I felt silly responding until I saw you were still active in it. I never check the dates and thought it was new. I think it is really cool you updated :)
Hope you are feeling much better about things.

Drosmand7
June 21st, 2014, 03:12 AM
He can't speak for all men. That's only HIS opinion.


Some men like long hair, some like it short. I wonder if it's an ethnicity / cultural thing? In some cultures women with short hair are looked at negativity - as if they are less feminine, while others are praised and admired for their long hair.


Bottom line - do what you want to do, and the right man for you will love you for it. Don't change yourself for anyone!:queen:

Drosmand7
June 21st, 2014, 03:16 AM
A guy told me lately my hair is too long now it touches my butt and that is is 'disgusting and unhygienic'. I gave him a horrified look and said, "but if I cut it, what will I wipe with?!"
He hasn't bothered me since.

Your hair is lovely, pinchbeck. Some people think their opinion is relevant, not much you can do but move on and continue to be fabulous.


Made me laugh because I've heard this connotation before, now I know what to reply back with ..

pinchbeck
June 21st, 2014, 09:17 AM
I was wondering why you wanted to clarify the nature of the relationship two years later. Has something come up in the present that brought you back to this discussion? Is this guy still bothering you?

No men bother me except for an 83 year old pervert who lives across the street who was recently widowed. To answer your question, I probably felt was a bit unfair that the comments being made in response to my post were being deemed as harsh and wanted to respond to a comment that was made which wouldn't have been made if I had have been clear about things initially.

People do read old threads. There are a alot and one is still going strong which started in 2008. I consider that an old thread and consider mine perhaps middle aged (like me). Anyhow, when I responded I didn't know I was bumping until it was mentioned. And it is a good topic that has been buried and I am glad someone was kind enough to point that out.

When threads are resurrected imo the subject content could be one a person never thought of. I recently came across 'oil shampooing' and thought I had read it all and knew every hair trick out there. But no!

Anyhow, my current bf stated if my hair gets any longer that it won't do anything for me (even my 83 year old admirer made a similar unsolicited comment). It won't add attractiveness. My son laughs at people with extra long hair and thinks it is gross including mine. So, I don't have a lot of support regarding my love for long hair. But my love of long hair began when my adoptive father remarried after my adoptive mom died. My dad's new wife was young and had long hair which I adored and played with. Funny thing is my hair was kept in an ugly boy cut in the early 70s. After I left my adoptive home and went to a foster home I told my foster parents I wanted long hair and that's where it all began.

Of course through the years I've had pixie cuts and every length in between, but I feel more like myself with it longer and always will as many folks here.

meteor
June 21st, 2014, 09:42 AM
Thank you for your update, pinchbeck! :)

If you love long hair, you should definitely have it! It's not even a question: it's YOUR hair!

But if you also want other people to stop being negative about the length, maybe getting new (more open-minded and optimistic) friends would help? Also experimenting with new hairstyles can help a bit, from my experience. Long hair's strength is its versatility - there is almost no style that can't be done on long hair.

RachelRose
January 3rd, 2015, 06:11 PM
Ugh these types of men . Women aren't people with their own style they are meant to fit into a mold, waxed,made up, worked out, stylishly dressed, and trendy . All that takes too much energy to do for someone else . I grow my hair if I want, I workout if I want, it buy the clothes I like and so should everyone .

prettyinpink
January 3rd, 2015, 07:04 PM
Guys like this types arent men, their just shallow, materialistic, immature little boys. Ugh. Makes me so mad.