Starting to eye the clippers . . . please talk me down!

[ColoradoDreamer]

I'm not feeling well right now - still battling severe major depression - and my hair it showing it. It's been in a growth stall now for several month (stress? anxiety? poor diet?) and the ends are starting to feel really crunchy. I've been covering grey with LUSH henna caca brun (and that's doing okay color-wise) but I hate the hassle of the 8-hour process it takes to color my hair without destroying its condition.

I have several inches of old chemical color on about half of my length that is still growing out. This is where the crunchiness is.

I spent part of the afternoon today looking at short haircuts in some magazines (as in pixie or shorter) and wondering about even just buzzing my head to get back to virgin hair.

DH doesn't me to. He says that my hair is beautiful and he wants to see me stick with this.

But the growth stall is really getting to me. My hair isn't even quite APL yet, even after over a year of gentle treatment. I had a big growth spurt last year at about this time and then slowed down when cold weather hit. Seems like the past several months, when I've asked DH to help me measure, it shows ZERO growth. Once it even measured a half-inch shorter than the previous month - and I hadn't even had a trim! Is it shrinking or something?!

So . . . I just want it back to virgin hair. I want to start over and refrain from putting any kind of color on it and just let it grow.

On the other hand, I do have some healthy new growth that is covered with henna.

I don't know what to do. Please talk me down, guys. Please?

[DecafJane]

You poor thing - that must be getting so frustrating for you! Your hair IS beautiful.
Maybe focus on something else fun apart from length. Cutting it back to short is SO frustrating!! If it is getting to you now, imagine how awful it would be for it to be really short.
I'm doing a lot of craft (beading for hairsticks, necklaces, making a hairtoy organiser) that is helping relieve some of the creative pressure at that in between stage. Would focusing on something fun like that help?
I hope your hair gets through the current stall!!

[Starr]

:grouphug: It's okay it'll get better, just try not to get too discouraged. My hair grows in spurts and stalls as well and it can be a bit depressing at times, but when it does grow it's wonderful ;).

Try to hang in there, sometimes it takes hair a while to recover after chemical damage (it took me almost 3 years to get back my length). You can always trim out the damage slowly as it grows, so you don't have to start from scratch.

And your husband is right- your hair is beautiful!

[Deborah]

HIDE THE CLIPPERS! BURY THE SCISSORS!

You KNOW that you don't really want to cut your hair! Wash it in a new way that you might like to experiment with - CO or WO or just a new and fun shampoo and conditioner. While it's still wet from washing, stroke a tiny bit of shea butter on the ends. Honestly, they WILL feel better. Buy a new hairtoy or two, the kind that only work when you have long hair, and that work and look great in updos. Put that hair UP, try some new upstyles, and keep trying until you find at least one that is fun, comfy, cute, etc. You will know when you are there. Then wear it up every single day until you feel a lot better!!!

Try any or all of the above, but for sure (1) don't cut :slap:, and (2) wear it up and out of the way until you feel better. You KNOW that you will feel a lot better if you do this. Give your hair, and yourself, a chance!

We're all on your side here. :cheer:

[ColoradoDreamer]

Where could I find shea butter?

[Amara]

Oooh I second the shea butter thing! When my ends feel weird, shea butter is SO nice. When they're damp, just a tiny bit on them, then let them dry and enjoy! :D I get mine now from Chagrin Valley when I order my soap from them, but I also can find it at local health food or natural supplies stores. You also might look in your local grocery's health/natural section - I know my local HyVee has JASON's shea butter (I'm not sure if they add anything to it, I've never tried that brand)

I just posted a thread almost exactly like this. I am also at a frustrating growth stage where it's hard to see progress and I've been trimming more because of some tangly months and a lack of needed S&D which caused me to get fed up with my last inch or two. So I've been stuck where I am for a while, too. I told my DH, "I am NOT going to cut my hair today." So, I didn't take the choice away from myself, I just said, not today. And today, I didn't. :D I'm going to try to do the same tomorrow. If we can string a whole bunch of not-today!-days together, I bet we'll both end up with some new growth!

How 'bout we make a deal, you don't cut, I don't cut! :flowers:

[tiny_teesha]

I'm going through a similar battle. My hair is waist length but APL down feels AWEFUL and crunchy and thin and damaged from sooo much bleaching and manhandling.

I feel like chopping off to APL, but then all that growing will be wasted and it took me over 2 years to get here!!! (only 10cm in 2 years from trimming)

It is hard, trust me I KNOW!!! Every week i think about chopping to a bob or a sholder length cut. But try some SMT's for moisture, cut out the protein, try honey and EVOO mask, and heavily oil your hair, wear it up and forget about it, if you must cut, just do a 1/4 inch trim,
Oh and what worked for me for soft hair was arrow root flour mask, make a paste of it, add some strained herbs, or chamomile tea as the liquid bit and paste it on your head, leave it for 5 minutes, rinse, condition and = smoothness! :) That is just a me thing though, not sure if it will work for you! I hope so!

Don't lose hope!

[misstwist]

I'm going to give a dissenting opinion here.

I have always found drastic hair changes to be a good way to sublimate suicidal impulses when in my most depressed, chaotic states.

I didn't realize this until several years ago when trying to grow out my hair and the ideation was becoming stronger and stronger. When I did realize it, I cut my very own hair into a short and choppy pixie from shoulder length. It was several months before I went to a salon to let them "fix" it. That haircut likely saved my life.

Cutting (hair, not skin), was especially cathartic and would severely lessen the pressure of suicidal thoughts.

So, even if your goal is long hair, know that a drastic change may be healthier.

You may not be dealing with these issues right now (and I hope you aren't, but I know how much depression sucks and how close and everpresent suicidal thoughts can be in that state), but it took a major flash of insight for me to realize what was going on and to be okay with it.

Long hair now represents mental health to me, but I would cut it in a heartbeat and impulsively and not regret it if I ever came to that point again.

[wintersun99]

.............

[Peggy E.]

You know, when looking through magazines and how cute some of the short styles appear to be - they will never look that way outside that photo shoot. Even on the models, when they arrived they had "real" hair and when they left, they left with "real" hair.

In between those two events their hair was tortured to within an inch of its very life, damaged to hades and back with no thought whatsoever to protecting it - for the picture was what mattered, getting it perfectly photogenic.

You know, I'm wondering - there have been several of us struggling with hair length problems (being "between" one and another seems to be the biggest issue) - has anyone ever thought of pulling it up and putting on a short wig for a day? Get that bob you covet out of your system without actually knifing your REAL hair?

Or clipping on some braided extensions (NO GLUE!) and having "super long hair" for a day? Something fun and different that will liven up your hairstyle, giving you the change you so long for and need, without laying waste to all your hard work by chopping off your hair?

I can't recall seeing this advice, which means it's probably rotten advice (again, consider the source....) and as I have never tried wigs and I use the braids I've made from my salvaged and my daughter's salvage hair when the mood strikes, so I don't know exactly what's involved and whether it might not actually be very, very bad advice and I should be ignored, if not banned from the boards, hunted down and shot for the poor advisor I am.....:o(

(I WAS a Guru once, though!)

[jel]

It looks to me like your waves are hiding the length. You say that you have visible roots when you henna, yet no measurable growth - it's happening to me to. It looks like I've been at waist for many months now, but when I stretch my hair down there is definitely more length. It's just that the waves are shrinking it!

For the crunchiness I would clarify and deep condition with a moisture treatment (without protein, as it can make my ends crunchy). Put some oil or shea butter on the ends afterwards.

[Unofficial_Rose]

There is some really good advice here.

Just to throw in my :twocents: (or 50p's worth as we Uk'ers would say) - this was my experience...which I am posting so you can maybe avoid doing similar...

I was really depressed 2 years ago and hacked off all my highlighted hair to "start again". I went from at least feeling quite pretty and receiving compliments & attention to feeling really ugly and even more depressed. I then compounded it all by putting on weight. It's almost grown back now, and I lost the weight, but I am still gutted that I could have hendigo'd over it and it would have a) looked better b) saved me from feeling so hideous amd all the horrible growing out stages inbetween for 2 years! I'm still not sure my confidence has yet recovered actually. :(

But then you, unlike me, may look really pretty and cute with short hair - plenty of people do. Good luck with whatever you decide and I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. :grouphug:

[dor3girl]

I'm not feeling well right now - still battling severe major depression - and my hair it showing it. It's been in a growth stall now for several month (stress? anxiety? poor diet?) and the ends are starting to feel really crunchy. I've been covering grey with LUSH henna caca brun (and that's doing okay color-wise) but I hate the hassle of the 8-hour process it takes to color my hair without destroying its condition.

I have several inches of old chemical color on about half of my length that is still growing out. This is where the crunchiness is.

I spent part of the afternoon today looking at short haircuts in some magazines (as in pixie or shorter) and wondering about even just buzzing my head to get back to virgin hair.

DH doesn't me to. He says that my hair is beautiful and he wants to see me stick with this.

But the growth stall is really getting to me. My hair isn't even quite APL yet, even after over a year of gentle treatment. I had a big growth spurt last year at about this time and then slowed down when cold weather hit. Seems like the past several months, when I've asked DH to help me measure, it shows ZERO growth. Once it even measured a half-inch shorter than the previous month - and I hadn't even had a trim! Is it shrinking or something?!

So . . . I just want it back to virgin hair. I want to start over and refrain from putting any kind of color on it and just let it grow.

On the other hand, I do have some healthy new growth that is covered with henna.

I don't know what to do. Please talk me down, guys. Please?

I would recommend getting a little trim to make get rid of some of the damaged/dry ends and also to make your hair feel thicker. Maybe there is a temporary haircolor product to help blend with your henna & regrowth to help you get through this tough patch with your hair. Also--try a hot oil treatment if your ends are too dark--might help pull some of the color out. Take your multi-vitamins, a good calcium and an MSM supplement will help your hair.

[ColoradoDreamer]

I appreciate the suggestions. You guys have some really good ideas.

I'm NOT going to cut my hair short or go bald. I think the advice for wearing my hair up until I feel better is probably the best advice I can get. I've been wearing my hair mostly in ponytails this summer anyway, as I get so hot and sweaty with my hair down on my neck. Experimenting with different up-dos will definitely give me something fun to do with my hair while it's going through this growth stall.

I bought some new shampoo and conditioner for long hair, and I''m going to try that tonight when I wash my hair. I also got a pretty new barrette and some hair, skin, and nails vitamins. I'm already currently taking calcium plus vitamin D per doctor's orders (one of the medications I take can cause bone loss and she wants to prevent that from happening by having me take the extra calcium). I'll also do some scalp massaging (used to do that last summer and got out of the habit). Maybe use some monistat too.

I wanted to do an S&D this morning just to get some of the splits off, but I slept late and then the power went off. By that time, I just wanted to get into a cool place (it was about 100 today) and my hair was the least of my worries. I just slapped it up into a ponytail, threw on some clothes and went someplace cool for most of the afternoon. Not sure what happened, but our entire town of about 700 was without power for most of today - about 5 hours total. Yeesh!

I've been using coconut oil on my ends when I remember to do so. I'll try the shea butter too when I have a chance to buy some.

Thanks again for all the encouragement. I appreciate you guys!

[MeMyselfandI]

ColoradoDreamer

Sending many hugs to you.

I found shea butter in walmart, either in the pharmacy or hair section. Look both places.

I am glad you were able to put your hair up and get to cooler ground.

At your length a nice scarf headband may perk you up. Find out if you feel more comfortable with your hair up or down then do different things that make you feel good.

SMT also helps with hair.

Since using henna, I found doing a vinegar rinse after shampooing and conditioning really helps (1-2 teaspoons white vinegar in 4 cups of water) then rinse out, helps with crunchy hair.

I also found using a SLS free shampoo helps with no crunchies. Some shampoos I can't use on my hair now.

[artistwife]

Well, one thing we ALL go through is the 'cut it' stage, so you are not alone! You know, you've been there already with shorter hair; is letting it grow long a new experience for you?
I just read about using cold pressed [extruded is another word for it] CASTOR OIL on the ends to make them soft. Good part is you can rub it into your hands and put the remainder on your ends and the slight sheen makes the ends look similar to the rest of your hair, plus the softness. Please do not cut your hair...........stall out happens. I liked that idea of wearing your hair up off of your neck for a bit. Eat more jello! Really, it helps nail and hair growth.
Oh yes, trust your husbands words about liking your hair. My hair is long because my hubby insisted - now I will not cut it anymore at all. I cannot imagine that you would be sorry if you just let it grow. Possibly if you can, try a mason pearson hairbrush. Please, keep your hair!

[ColoradoDreamer]

Artistwife, I've had long hair before - when I was in my teens (tailbone) and again in my early 20's (was about BSL then - think Farrah Fawcett's style when she was on Charlie's Angels). So I know that I can grow my hair long.

I was completely bald back in the fall of '05 because I was undergoing chemo for breast cancer. When my hair began to grow out, I decided to color and put in highlights. That began a cycle of coloring with chemicals that I stopped in April of '07. Shortly after that, I found LHC and began using gentler treatment on my hair. I did cave in last November and used chemical color again because there was such a stark contrast between my regrowth and the colored part. I regret doing that. Since then, I've only used LUSH henna caca brun on my hair. I like the results of the LUSH henna, but it's such a pain in the posterior to do because it takes an entire day to put the stuff on, leave it for long enough to get the results I want and then rinse it out. So I put off doing it for as long as I can stand it.

Anyway, tomorrow I plan to experiment with a French twist and see if I can get one to work on my hair. I will probably use a "fakkare" to hold the twist once I get it done. I don't have any combs that would work. I do have some old-fashioned hair pins that might work to hold it. But I'll probably just use the clip, as that's quicker.

I washed my hair tonight with the new stuff I bought and am letting it air dry. It feels nice against my neck and shoulders right now. But, of course, the house is (finally) cool. Once I get out in the heat tomorrow, it will be a different story, I'm sure.

[ColoradoDreamer]

Okay, guys. I just took a length picture using my cell phone. If/when I can find the cord to download onto my computer, I'll try to post the picture. But I can definitely see that my hair has grown since I had the picture taken that's in my signature picture. Where my hair was barely grazing my shoulders in my siggie picture, it's now probably almost touching the yellow part below the bright pink tie-dye area on that shirt. I would put that shirt on tonight and make a comparison picture, but the shirt is the one I wore today and it's in the laundry right now. I'll try to duplicate my siggie picture in the same shirt this weekend and post a comparison. I can see growth!:cheese:

[DecafJane]

That is great news!! Congratulations! :D

[Chrissy]

Don't give up. Just look at my siggie pic and see where I was and where I am now. I am now growing back. I'm glad I can do that but now I have to take years to get where I was. When I cut I was going through a lot and it did make me feel better for a while. But I continued to miss my long hair and still do. The suggestions people have given are all good ones. You have very pretty hair so I wish you the best with growing it. I hope you feel better too. This place is a wonderful place for encouragement and fun!! Come here when you feel the urge. It will get you through. In the end it is your decision but it seems like you really don't want to cut it.

[missbexy]

[quote=Peggy E.;185881] has anyone ever thought of pulling it up and putting on a short wig for a day? Get that bob you covet out of your system without actually knifing your REAL hair?

Or clipping on some braided extensions (NO GLUE!) and having "super long hair" for a day? Something fun and different that will liven up your hairstyle, giving you the change you so long for and need, without laying waste to all your hard work by chopping off your hair?
quote]

I think its sounds like a great idea, the problem with the few shoort wigs I own is that they're all from fancy dress+look abit too excessive. Also I think i'd confuse people so much
: it'd just be 'oh my god, where did all your hair go! Oh right thats a wig, why?...'

[truepeacenik]

I have had the crunchy zone. I think it is some sort of hair imp that visits!
here are things I have tried:
SMT
damp bun/braid
pretend you do not have scissors
ignore it
buy a super expensive deep conditioner (bad idea: my hair, it turned out, hated 'cones)
buy a hair toy to play with
act like you have the best hair in the world.

[Demetrue]

I bought some inexpensive beauty shop hair in my color and a bunch of wig clips. Then I sewed my own clip-in extensions. I cut three sections of the extension hair into pieces the width from ear to ear ( a little less), sewed them together and then sewed in 3 clips. Then I cut another 3 sections the width measure from temple around the back of the head to the other temple (leaving off 1/2 inch from the hair line for coverage), sewed them together and put in 5 clips. Then I would clip them in when I got home from work and wear them around the house in the evenings and on weekends. Just being able to look in the mirror and see my "normal" self with long hair instead of the hideous short do made me feel much better. Also, the extension hair weighs down the frizzies and crunchies and uneven layers so that I am not so tempted to cut.

[ColoradoDreamer]

I forgot to address the suggestion of wigs last night!

I do have two wigs from when I was bald with chemo. One of them is a mid-length page-boy, and the other is a very short style. They are both pretty wigs, but I really don't want to wear them with hair. My head is bigger than the "average bear's" and wig caps don't do me a bit of good at keeping my own hair tamed and the wig in place. The things would slide all over the place, even WITH pinning them through the wig base to my own hair. I've tried it. Even when my hair was starting to grow back in a month after my last chemo infusion and I only had fuzz, the wig would slide all over my "punkin haid."

To work well on me, I need to be cue-ball bald under either of the wigs.

It's a good suggestion, though, and I love my wigs (I named them Benny and Raquel), but they just won't work with all this hair I have.