Feeling discouraged about my hair :(

[hellopanpan]

Hey everyone :) Lately I have been feeling so discouraged about my hair. I've always kept it short, and this is the longest it's ever been (It's just about to the middle of my back? I think longer than that...) Anyway, it also seems to be the most damaged it's ever been. I've been dying my hair since I was 15, and I've also gotten two digital perms. My hair is sooo tangly, ESPECIALLY in the back of my hair underneath, at the nape of my neck. I don't like to wear my hair up all of the time, I'm growing it out so I can wear it down and it'll be long and pretty. I wear it up when I sleep or when I'm not out. Anyway, I'm just feeling so discouraged :( And I knew if I could go anywhere for some support it would be here :)

This is an example of the kind of hair I want: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G958vLzhKA4&feature=g-u

Long, silky, shiny. My hair is kind of long, tangly, dry, frizzy at the ends, and dull. It doesn't really have any shine. Also, I'm growing out blonde highlights and I haatteee them, I want to dye over it so badly but I'm resisting! And my hair is pretty much straight, but it's really messy looking. It does weird flippy messy looking things, especially because I'm also growing out layers.

I know this was long, but thank you for reading :) Any advice or words is greatly appreciated :D :cheese:

[dulce]

I think the perms and colouring have damaged your hair causing lack of shine and tangles,damaged hair tangles easily.I am growing out highlights and previous dye.My hair is all natural to arm pit level , then the highlites and dye are on the rest of the hair to my waist.What worked for me was micro trims while continuing to grow out my length,layers and damage and tons of conditioner and yes! Pantene" dry to moisturize "product line[shampoo and conditioner] The silicones helped give my hair slip so it was shinier and less tangly.I have curly hair and doing this helped lower my frizz and tangle level.You can rehabilitate your hair,no need to cut unless you can't stand it .Avoid ANY dye and flat ironing and heat on hair also,gentle treatment works wonders with damaged hair.

[Amber_Maiden]

I think the perms and colouring have damaged your hair causing lack of shine and tangles,damaged hair tangles easily.I am growing out highlights and previous dye.My hair is all natural to arm pit level , then the highlites and dye are on the rest of the hair to my waist.What worked for me was micro trims while continuing to grow out my length,layers and damage and tons of conditioner and yes! Pantene" dry to moisturize "product line[shampoo and conditioner] The silicones helped give my hair slip so it was shinier and less tangly.I have curly hair and doing this helped lower my frizz and tangle level.You can rehabilitate your hair,no need to cut unless you can't stand it .Avoid ANY dye and flat ironing and heat on hair also,gentle treatment works wonders with damaged hair.

Yep, exactly what she said. Also trying experimenting with more natural products and recipes- the more natural your hair is the better.

Question: What is a digital perm? I've never heard of that... Makes me think of instead of actually going to get a perm, you just upload a pic of yourself on the net and get it "digitally" done. :p JOKE.

[hellopanpan]

I think the perms and colouring have damaged your hair causing lack of shine and tangles,damaged hair tangles easily.I am growing out highlights and previous dye.My hair is all natural to arm pit level , then the highlites and dye are on the rest of the hair to my waist.What worked for me was micro trims while continuing to grow out my length,layers and damage and tons of conditioner and yes! Pantene" dry to moisturize "product line[shampoo and conditioner] The silicones helped give my hair slip so it was shinier and less tangly.I have curly hair and doing this helped lower my frizz and tangle level.You can rehabilitate your hair,no need to cut unless you can't stand it .Avoid ANY dye and flat ironing and heat on hair also,gentle treatment works wonders with damaged hair.

Yes, I regret especially my last perm, it did NOTHING for my hair. It was only curly when it was wet, and I had to put soo much product in it to make it stay curly it would be all crunchy. What a waste :( I'm actually in need of a new conditioner! (I CO) I'm going to go out and try that Pantene one! My hair really loves and needs cones.


Yep, exactly what she said. Also trying experimenting with more natural products and recipes- the more natural your hair is the better.

Question: What is a digital perm? I've never heard of that... Makes me think of instead of actually going to get a perm, you just upload a pic of yourself on the net and get it "digitally" done. :p JOKE.

Hehehe! I had a cute image of those website where you upload your picture and try on different hair styles! A digital perm is a "japanese perm." So they roll your hair in the curlers, but the curlers are attached to these wires which are hooked up to a machine, and then the temperature is monitored. Something like that :) It's pretty interesting. It gives softer curls than regular perms.

[spidermom]

Just hanging in there for the time it takes to grow long hair is discouraging enough. I remember in the past I used to get my hair cut short (pixie), decide to grow it out, and by the end of growing it for 2 WHOLE YEARS (and it's not long yet), I'd get it cut short, and start the cycle all over again.

And of course, it's so much worse when you've got damage that must be trimmed away. I did, too. I joined LHC with heat-styling damage, and by the time my hair was almost waist length, it was tangling up so bad that it was making me miserable, and I ended up cutting back to APL.

Just hang in there! The years will pass anyway, might as well have something to show for all that time.

[pepperminttea]

You may well have done by now, but have you come across this article (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/vbjournal.php?do=article&articleid=79)? :)

I feel your pain, up until a few years ago the longest my hair had ever been was MBL when I was in my teens. At that time it was permed, and dyed, and generally a broken mess. It tangled and matted very easily, and every hair I looked at had a split. I hated the condition, but I loved the length. When I cut it up to chin to get rid of all the old damage it was such a wrench, but remembering how nice that length felt kept me going.

If you can, put your hair up and forget about it as much as possible. A watched pot does eventually boil, but it feels like it boils a whole lot quicker when you're busy with other things in the meantime. :)


the more natural your hair is the better.

By all means experiment with natural products, but "natural = better" isn't necessarily true for everybody's hair. Personally I'd use more commercial products for damaged hair, especially protein treatments and 'cone-y conditioners, given that's what they're designed to deal with. :shrug:

[Annibelle]

Luckily, all of the things about your hair that you're discouraged about are things there's lots of information about on LHC! :) It means you get to try all sorts of treatments! (Slowly, of course, so you know what works. ;) )

Everyone else has already given advice... I just wanted to comment to say that the girl in the video is beautiful, but reaaaaally hard to listen to. She makes herself sound very ditzy and kind of annoying. :( Otherwise, her tips are good. (Although nothing new to LHC! But could be good for others who don't know those things.)

[Zesty]

Baby the heck out of your hair, do DTs, S&D and maybe consider maintaining at your current length with microtrims until you get rid of the damage. I know it's discouraging to see the difference between what you want and what you currently have, but you can get there with time, TLC, and LHC (lol). Also, have you considered that your hair might be wavier than you think it is, rather than being straight and "messy looking"? Sometimes people have "frustrated wavy" hair.

[spidermom]

I second what Zesty said. Many of us who thought we had straight hair that wouldn't behave found out that we have wavy, even curly hair, which has its own beauty - of course!

[Miss Maisie]

I will third what Zesty said! I thought I was 1a for sure, but then I started taking better care of my hair (and stopped flat-ironing it - why did I EVER do that?!), and as it turns out I have 1c/2a hair. Heck, today I didn't use any shampoo or conditioner in the shower, just a vinegar rinse, and my hair was 2a, maybe even 2b on the sides. Maybe yours won't "behave" because it's not as straight as you think it is!

I hope you feel less discouraged soon. Growing hair can be frustrating business.

[holothuroidea]

If your ideal hair belongs to someone else you will never be satisfied with your own.

Learn to love your hair's natural color and texture and you wont damage it trying to make it look different. If you love it, you will take good care of it. Good care will keep it healthy and that is when your hair will be at it's best.

[almond]

Hi, I'm sure you get a lot of good advice here. I just wanted to add that before I found LHC I was about to chop my hair. I was growing out chemical dye and was trying to treat my hair loss with baking soda and vinegar, so my hair was a dry, tangled, crunchy mess (even when i stopped shedding).
With some oiling and a lot of (coney) conditioner my hair started to look better, now is in a hundred times better condition, and quite easy to handle. So i don't think you have to be discouraged, babying your hair and being patient helps a lot!

[SpinDance]

You've gotten lots of good advice, and you've also done and tried lots of things with your hair. Growing out all those experiments will give you lots of time to try some new ones. :D It is easy to be discouraged, just hang in there. Take your time, growing hair takes time and can't really be hurried, so you may as well entertain yourself with learning lots of new hair stuff while it grows, right?

Only you can or should decide whether you want to keep the length you have and baby it through growing out the damage or cut it back and grow it out without it. Or some combination. I'm a keep and baby it while trimming frequently girl, myself, but you'll do what is right for you.

I'll repeat some of the excellent advice in the newbie article: Stop bad stuff that will cause damage as much as you can or are willing to. Only change one thing at a time when trying new stuff. Keep records.

It can take time for shine to come back. I used oils for most of a year and got shine down to my mid-lengths (say between BSL & waist at that point). Then I tried Panacea and within a couple of weeks got shine to the ends. Now I have no idea whether it would have gotten shine to the ends in 2 weeks without the Panacea, because that was my next experiment and it happened during that. It could have just turned out that way. I've continued to use Panacea since then with continued good success. Others have done very well with coconut oil, olive oil, argan oil, or ... You get the idea. Lately I'm testing with argan oil with excellent results. How much of that is due to the argan and how much due to cumulative over all improvements? No idea. Could the shine coming back have something to do with tossing my injection molded seamed plastic combs/picks and replacing them with horn, wood and other smooth, non seamed items? Yup, it sure could.

Notice I've been doing these slow tests for over 2.5 years now. I got shine to the ends just over a year ago. Now I've got shine and softness, and my ends are slowly looking better, maybe even thickening up. It just takes time. Put it up and ignore it for a while as you read on LHC. ;)

[hellopanpan]

Thank you everyone for all of your replies! I feel a lot better now, honestly. I don't feel so alone in this hair struggle haha. And thank you for the advice :D I love LHC so much :)


Baby the heck out of your hair, do DTs, S&D and maybe consider maintaining at your current length with microtrims until you get rid of the damage. I know it's discouraging to see the difference between what you want and what you currently have, but you can get there with time, TLC, and LHC (lol). Also, have you considered that your hair might be wavier than you think it is, rather than being straight and "messy looking"? Sometimes people have "frustrated wavy" hair.

Hmm...this could be a possibility! I'm not sure if it may be because of my past perm hasn't fully grown out yet. But my hair has always been kind of messy or flippy. My hairstylist always said it was the way my hair grew. But maybe now that I'm actually caring for it my true texture is coming out? Interesting!! I'm gonna post a picture later and maybe you all could help me please? :D :cheese:

[SpinDance]

There is a good article about hair typing here (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/vbjournal.php?do=article&articleid=164). I think that some folks are working on new visual typing pictures, since the old ones have been removed, but I don't know the status.

[Quirky]

It is true, you have to learn to love what you have. You have lovely hair. I have wanted the hair I had as a kid for years but with age and a little OCD, it is never going to happen. Be happy with what you have, you are beautiful!:cheese:

[dulce]

One last thing I completely stopped brushing my hair,it can snap fragile ends if they are damaged ,not even a boar bristle brush for me,only a tangle teaser and a wide tooth comb used ever so slowly and gently and only while wet with conditioner after a daily wash/condition .This also helped my hair a lot.

[xgeckox]

If your ideal hair belongs to someone else you will never be satisfied with your own.

^ just thought that was worth quoting :)

[Annibelle]

If your ideal hair belongs to someone else you will never be satisfied with your own.

Yep! I think we're all guilty of this sometimes, though. :( My ideal switches every day, it seems-- sometimes stick straight, other times tight curls-- but never my own slightly wavy texture. Once you get your hair typed, you can search the Members List at the top of this screen, input your own specs (ex: I would put 1c/2a, F/M) and see lots of other people here with your hair type! Then you can see how gorgeous your own type can be with lots of care! :)