Feeling "old" with long-ish hair :/

[Jessibear2854]

Hey everyone! I'm kinda new to posting here, although I've been lurking for a year or so. I'm going through a "thing" with my hair. It's almost BSL and I'm starting to really dislike it. I can't really do anything with it yet as far as updos go (got a masara going on right now but that's about the extent of what I can do) because of thickness issues. It just looks so "blah" and I feel like it makes me look older than I am (I'm only 31)! I feel like I was cuter/prettier with shoulder length hair, but I don't want to do anything I'll regret! Has anyone ever felt this way and gotten over it? Does your long hair make you feel younger or older or does it not matter?

[RapunzelKat]

I am new also, but I thought I would share my personal thoughts. :) First of all, I don't think your hair makes you look old at all! From your pic I would have guessed you were in your 20s. It's such a neat color!

I personally don't really associate longer hair with older age at all. (Actually, most of the women I know with really short hair are middle aged or older.) But what I think is that your hair should feel right to you, whatever that length is.

I did go through a phase a couple years ago where I thought my long hair was "old fashioned" and boring, but I never ended up cutting it because I remembered how much work my short hair was, and I just really feel like I am a long-hair person. I'm actually really happy with my hair now, and I like it more the longer it gets.

Bottom line, I think the right hair length is what looks good and feels "right" to you.

[PlainLight]

I usually think of it the opposite. To me long hair makes someone look younger rather than older.

And I think everyone goes through that awkward stage at one time or another, where your hair isn't long enough to do anything with it yet, has issues with thickness and health, and just generally drives you around the bend. In my case I decided to just persevere and let it keep growing. That stage is only temporary!

[milagro]

With iii hair buns are indeed difficult at this length but you still can braid. Ponytails are easy.
Also there are plenty of hair accessoires - bands, grips etc, they might help to create and change styles.

[hanne jensen]

Ficcare Maximas size large will hold a cinnabun. Keytlo hairsticks, size large will hold your hair up. With fine, thick hair, you need to use only quality hairfriendly hairtoys.

Try putting your hair up in a Gibson like updo. The poof around your face will make you feel younger. Your hair is beautiful and it would really be a shame to chop.

Have you considered thinning your bangs a little and having them a little asymetric? That would really open up your face (which is beautiful).

[willowcandra]

I have often felt this way. Usually every time I see a cute shorter do that looks more fashionable.

My previouse solutions have been to keep it at a length that I can wear loose. I cut from classic to waist. I'm nearly at tailbone and like that as a working and quite forgiving length.

I cut long bangs so my hair wasn't swept back all mean bun like.

I coloured-although I don't like coloured hair now. Unfortunately I have whites in abundance which don't help but if I mascara and colour my white eyebrow and lashes it looks better (I have vitiligo)


What I am finding now is that because longer hair is less hassle I do less with it and that makes me look older because I don't bother with anything else either. My routine has even vanished meaning my hair gets quite nasty betwen washes. My solution this time is to treat myself to a whole bundle of high end poos and treatments. And get back into a routine and use a few more toys.

Hope some of these ideas help.
I'll be right there with you as I am fighting an urge to cut and colour.

[eshta]

I felt the same way at BSL but I'm glad I didn't cut back. I'm really beginning to like my length now that hip is within reach, and it makes me feel younger. I don't know why but I think long hair is associated with youth and most people do look younger with longer hair. Maybe it annoys you because styling is limited with iii at that length, at least buns are. Maybe all you need is a little bit more length and styling options to feel happy with your hair again.

If you're able make somewhat of a cinnabun, 3 or preferably 4 prong forks are more secure than sticks or even Ficcares (well at least they where for me at that length).
One on my go-to styles was a Lazy wrap bun, I could do those before cinnabuns, and 2 prong forks are more secure in lazy wraps then sticks. Although I did have to redo them after a few hours. I love the look of tucked in French braids and messy crown braids, maybe those styles would work with your length? You can also practise other buns by dividing your hair and working with just one half of it, or make double buns, you can make those close together and touching and they will look like one bun, esp. if you wrap a small loose section around both of them.

[Katze]

I was always really bored with the scraped back into a bun look - it's definitely not for me, as it ages and adds unnecessary poundage!

Loose messy updos (especially if your hair is messy anyway, as mine is) work best for me - I can't get a smooth updo to save my life anyway, unless I slather gel on wet hair and torture it into a 'do!

What about bangs, face-framing layers, fun clips and flowers and fascinators?

[share801]

Have you considered thinning your bangs a little and having them a little asymetric? That would really open up your face (which is beautiful).

This. It would be a small change which might lift your spirits but not impede your goal.

[Cjatje]

I feel the opposite... I associate long hair with yiunger people, just like braids

[Cania]

I don't think it makes you look old at all. If I had to guess, I'd have said you were in your 20's!

[Saeth]

Hello Jessie,

I think it's natural in everyone's journey to have this moment of "Ugh, I don't feel that I look great." Speaking from my own experience (I'm currently having this slight phase myself) I find it's when I've fallen into a rut, don't know how to style, or feel my hair is boring and such like. My best advice is this before facing the big chop:

1) Plan to learn one hairstyle every week to 2 weeks. And wear it! Imo if you don't know how to style and aren't happy with a simple braid/bun, it won't take long to feel disillusioned.

2) A scary bit of advice: go for a consultation with a good hairdresser that's experienced with your hair type, perhaps they can advise on simple changes like bangs, new hemline, layers etc to work with your hair to give you a newer look. Notice I'm not talking about restyling or chopping off length. Sometimes all we need is a tiny change. A friend of mine had very long curly thick hair and was considering the chop. Instead the hairdresser changed the hemline, added some layers or something, and voila! Happy friend.

3) Don't fight yourself or your hair. If either of you don't like a style, even after a few tips/tricks and practise. Ditch it. There's greater wars to fight! And there are awkward lengths where it's not quite long enough to do something and too long for another something. Nothing but patience fixes this.

4) Get pretty pins, forks, ties, sticks etc to "prettify" your hair

5) Like the others, I echo the fact you look younger than your actual age in the photo.

6) Make sure your hair is healthy, you won't feel great if it isn't.

7) If after all this you're still not feeling happy, give yourself another 2 weeks before deciding to cut.

In answer to your question, I'm not really sure how my hair makes me feel, young or old. However it's starting to creep towards longer lengths so I am starting to feel "different." That's all I can say really. Long hair doesn't equal old for me but nor does it equal young.

[jacqueline101]

I always thought of long hair as youthful. I like growing my hair long.

[WaitingSoLong]

I was always really bored with the scraped back into a bun look - it's definitely not for me, as it ages and adds unnecessary poundage!

I dislike the bun-look, too, and I cannot "do" bangs/fringe, so I am very limited. I kept my hair shorter for a long time because I fought this look, but in the end, I am too active to have my hair in my face when I am working (we're talking chainsaws and such) so I decided several years ago to grow my hair out long again for the sake of being able to get it completely off my face ( I have a picture of me somewhere holding a chainsaw with bangs, the last time I had bangs, it looks HORRID on me).

I look back on my even older pics from when I had shoulder length hair and I look older THEN than I AM now. I am a few weeks from 36 and people tell me I look in my EARLY 20's, so I look more than 10 years younger than I am. I sort fo dislike that, but would rather look younger than older. I would be OK with looking just my age, which I could accomplish with shorter hair, but function wins over style sometimes. Plus, IMO, long hair is easier to keep than short hair, at least to about waist-length. I am all about easy, carefree hair. I spend a whopping total of 5 minutes on my hair each day. Takes a little more time to do oilings and SMT's or DCTs and such.

I once saw a woman cut her BSL hair back to chin and it instantly added like 15 years to her look. I do suppose it would depend on the person. Darker hair colors lend toward appearing older. I suppose this is why so many people are bottle blondes. Having blonde hair myself, I am sure this adds to my issue.

I will stick out a bit and say you look 30ish, not 20's like others have said, but I am a horrible judge of age so you don't have to pay any attention to my opinion. LOL. I think bangs make a person look younger and I agree with the general consensus that longer equals youthful. I think you are at an awkward stage and if you ever want to try longer hair you will just have to suffer through it awhile. :)

A braid twisted into a bun and secured with spin pins may work. Your hair should be long enough to have at least one loop with iii thickness and still be able to hide the ends behind the bun loop. My dd has iii thickness and she has just passed waist and only now is it long enough to put into stick buns like I wear. She prefers to braid her hair at night and sport braid waves loose the next day.

[Copasetic]

I totally have the opposite feeling. I think my long hair makes me look a lot younger than I am, which at 26 is not a good thing. In general I find long hair makes people look younger. But if you think you would be happier or prettier with shorter hair, cut it!

[CrunchyMama]

Oooo a fascinator is a wonderful idea!!!

[holothuroidea]

Whether long hair makes someone look older or younger really depends on their face, body type and hair type.

I had long hair that made me look 10 years older than I was when I had my first baby. I have a face that shows any extra poundage. All of the women in my family have this, we call it "squirrel cheeks" :D . Since my hair was very lifeless and not taken care of it pulled my face down to the floor. It was dreadful.

You definitely don't have this problem! You look beautiful with your hair. :)

[GeoJ]

In my opinion, on most women, shorter haircuts make them look older (there can be exceptions of course).

I haven't had short hair as an adult, but I did try the faux bob hairstyle once. I won't be doing that style again! Generally, I look youngest (and prettiest) with my hair down. Second place goes to faux crown or Heidi braids, third place goes to anything that adds bulk to the sides, and fourth place goes to my normal updos (buns).

Long ago when my hair was BSL I had iii thickness. I usually did Heidi braids (pigtails near my ears, brought up and pinned on top of my head), regular nape braids, or wore it down. I think my first regular wear buns were with part of my hair while the rest was in Heidi braids.

If you really want to wear buns, you could try dividing your hair into smaller portions, and making more than one bun. That doesn't have to mean Princess Leia buns, you could make them next to eachother in the back. The number and arrangement of buns is up to you.

[Amber_Maiden]

From your avatar you look like your 16! Seriously.

[darklyndsea]

I'm not old enough to know about the age thing, but as far as blahness goes, I find that it helps to learn new hairstyles--as long as you're not looking at buns, there are a lot of styles you can do even with iii hair at BSL. Pretty much all braids, although some of the more intricate ones look a bit stubby. And this whole giant category of not quite either a braid or a bun (though your mileage may vary when it comes to the classification), which contains things like the flutterby/dutch flutterby (your hair is probably too short right now, but a variation might work), Amish braids, maybe crown braids...

[Madora]

I don't think long hair makes you look old. I'm 65 and have very long hair (for my age) and have never felt it made me old.

I think your frustration about being unable to do much with your hair right now is skewing your outlook of "young" vs. "old" hairstyles.

Have you tried the lace twist crown braid for shorter hair? Here's a lovely tutorial:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPHEzUr5bWQ

You might also look into the Gibson Tuck, French Twist and Sock bun (if you haven't tried them already).

I would strongly caution you against layering your hair, if you're planning to grow it long in order to create updos. Updos with layered hair are much harder to do because the layered ends tend to stick up just where you don't want them to show.

However, if you feel happier with shorter hair, go for it.

[Johannah]

You don't look old at all. I would say, don't cut your hair until you're sure you really want it. :)

[Avital88]

i always think that it amkes me look younger too, which i like ofcourse

[WaitingSoLong]

From your avatar you look like your 16! Seriously.

Telling a 31 year old they look 16 can be an insult. Seriously. Please consider this before making statements like this.

[jojo]

I often get mistaken for being younger than 42 and long hair makes most people look younger. I feel more me with long hair and it suits my personality as I am young at heart anyway.

I see all ages with long hair and have never really considered it to be for young people only. Now with short hair, i do look my age more!

[holothuroidea]

Telling a 31 year old they look 16 can be an insult. Seriously. Please consider this before making statements like this.

I rather think it's possible for anyone to be insulted by anything. :D

My 28 year old DH got carded when he went to play tennis to make sure he was over 18. He was kind of bemused by it, but I could see how that would be insulting. However, in this instance it was clearly meant as a compliment.

[trolleypup]

For myself, my hair is long enough that it doesn't map onto either older or younger...although I suspect that my silvers would be more obvious in a short cut.

There are two factors at work here...not just length, but condition (including color/perming). There is hair out there that just looks like "trying too hard"...and can make someone in their 20s look like they are on the shady side of 40, and someone in their 40s look like "umm yeah trying for 25 doesn't work when you are twice that".

Better to have a length and style that you can be comfortable with, which often reads as younger, and certainly as more secure in who you are.

[misstwist]

Don't buy into the notion that you have to take all of your hair into an updo all at once. That is a recipe for frustration. Dividing your hair into sections before dressing it results in softer and more interesting results that don't age you.

Here are seversl ideas. For cute and casual take a horseshoe shaped part in your bang area and create a quiff either dead center or to one side. Let all the hair from that quiff lay to one side. Gently part the rest of your hair in two and create loose side braids. Yes, one braid will have more hair than the other.

This one can be as casual or polished as you want it to be. You are creating a bun fauxhawx here. Seperate out that bang section again bundle it up out of the way. Starting at about your temples, section of the next bit from front to back and put it into a ponytail. Then take the rest of your hair into a ponytail. Starting with that bottom ponytail, make a messy bun and pin it into place. Do the same with the ponytail above and secure it so that both buns integrate visually. Let down the bang area and create a quiff, securing however you like. Take the leftover length and make a messy bun of that. Let pieces around you face fall out naturally or pull a few out if you want.

To make that faux hawx more polished, turn each ponytail into a smooth, rolled chignon stacked closely together. The bang area can be a roll or a very smooth quiff with the ends arranged into a dry pincurl.

You need to learn how to handle your hair at each length as it grows out. Otherwise you will get to your goal without enough practice to do the wonderously beautiful hairdos you dream of.

[spidermom]

I don't associate my hair with age. I enjoy it for itself.

I do remember a couple of years ago running into a woman around my age that my husband had done a plumbing remodel for. She had a very neat short hair style, plus wore makeup and a nice suit. Then I saw a reflection of myself with my messy bun stringing down and my jeans and T-shirt. I felt so dowdy next to her. As I walked out of the department store, I saw a hair salon, and for a few minutes I wanted to go in there and get a make-over. But I didn't.

[PixxieStix]

I'm sorry to hear you are going through a "blah" phase, but I promise, we all have that point, and it does not last forever. I think you just need to focus on finding some styles you can do that work for your hair right now, as "the rut" always seems to precede the desire for change, and change WILL come your hair will get longer and you will be able to do more with it, but I'm a huge fan of lots of pretty hair toys in the meantime to spice it up a bit. =)

As for the age thing, I don't think it is necessarily the shorter or longer hairstyles that makes a person look young or old, but agree with trollypup that it is the 'trying too hard' look that does an individual in with a certain style. But hey, if they are happy with it, good for them!

[Jessibear2854]

Wow, thanks everyone for all the nice comments and suggestions! You have given me lots of ideas to try out, esp. dividing hair before doing updos :) It's good to know everyone has a blah stage here and there!

[vanity_acefake]

I know exactly how you feel. I too have thick hair and found bsl to be the most disheartening stage of growing my hair as like you my hair was too thick but short to do many styles that I wanted to do. I just ignored it, put it up messily and waited it out.
Now my hair is waist length and the choice of styles I can do is so much better.
Hang in there. Now is a great time to baby your hair and bookmark all the styles on YouTube and here that you will be able to do with a bit more length. It's amazing how fast your hair grows when you adopt benine neglect then one day soon to your amazement and joy you can do the styles you so wanted to do just a few months ago.

[invisiblebabe]

I rather think it's possible for anyone to be insulted by anything. :D

My 28 year old DH got carded when he went to play tennis to make sure he was over 18. He was kind of bemused by it, but I could see how that would be insulting. However, in this instance it was clearly meant as a compliment.

:lol: I have people do that to me, too! I am 27 and often hear that I look anywhere rom 18 to 21. I just laugh at it, because I do have a young face and a girlish figure (slim and small boned).

As for hair - I think when I do "fake side bangs" with my part (like this (http://cache.thenewsroom.com/howcast/2010/10/16/421392_pre.jpg) without the bandana, and no that's not me), it makes me look a bit younger than when I wear my hair in a regular center or slightly off-center part with no bangs at all.

I have never had short hair (except when it first grew in as a baby/toddler), so I don't know for sure how it'd look on me as an adult! Going by makeovers I've done online, though, I think long hair makes me look younger than a bob would.

[PrincessBob]

If you can part your hair comfortably, I have always liked doing smaller double buns. Take your hair into pigtails and bun each side, or split hair into four parts, I don't think I did much with my hair until I hit waist, so I don't recall if I could do buns well with halves at BSL. I did dewdrops (pull hair halfway through a scrunchie and let the hair form a loop) but not anymore. I have massively thick hair, too, so I really understand the issue of not being able to do many updos with your full head of hair. Most of my updos were not doable until tailbone, but I can translate any of the ones I have learned into partial styles. I can separate my hair from ear to ear over the top of my head and do accent buns with my "bangs."
Try learning the different hairstyles, too. Practice on friends. This helps me, because my friends have less (read not as thick) hair and I can learn the mechanics and visualize how I would need to tweak it for my own hair.

Up til low back, braided pigtails were my go-to, from the time I was a freshman in high school. I still wear them a lot and I think they are fun and youthful, but not out of place on adults either.

[Ice~Cold~Wind]

There's an idea going around that once you hit a certain, long hair is no longer appropriate and makes you look older. I think it depends on how well you take care of it. Really well taken care of hair will look amazing at any age, but unkempt and dry hair, especially on older women, makes them look older than they are.

[SheaLynne]

I was at your length when I found LHC because I was so frustrated that I had "long hair" but couldn't manage to put it up at all...well, LHC helped me learn that at a iii thickness, I would need at least waist length to do the updos I wanted to do, and the journey to "long hair" really began! Hang in there, and commit yourself to reaching whatever goal is right for you. My goal was to do lovely updos, hence I have really long hair now!

ETA: Oh, and I am 41 and I'm quite confident that I don't look it, though having kids age 11 and almost 7 helps people assume I am younger, too...I think not being overweight by this age also affects that as much or more than hair length. Alot of factors...be true to yourself and you'll look right for you.

[jojo]

I don't associate my hair with age. I enjoy it for itself.

I do remember a couple of years ago running into a woman around my age that my husband had done a plumbing remodel for. She had a very neat short hair style, plus wore makeup and a nice suit. Then I saw a reflection of myself with my messy bun stringing down and my jeans and T-shirt. I felt so dowdy next to her. As I walked out of the department store, I saw a hair salon, and for a few minutes I wanted to go in there and get a make-over. But I didn't.

I am so glad you didn't!