3-year-old daughter's Curly Never-Cut Hair

[Siena]

I joined this forum several years ago, but I haven't posted in a long time.

I have straight long hair. I don't really do a lot with it, mostly ponytails and the occasional bun. My daughter has very curly hair, the type that will fall in natural ringlets. I've never cut her hair, and I don't plan to. I will let her make the decision regarding the length of her hair when she gets older. When her hair is wet, it is already down to her waist. My problem is that I don't know much about caring for her hair. Over a year ago, I had taken her to the park and brushed her hair before we got there. It was very frizzy and not very curly, and another mother there gave me the tip that I should brush her hair when it is wet and then pretty much leave it alone after that. That helped me immensely, but I think I could use some more expertise from people with long curly hair here.

Brushing her hair is usually a painful experience, but I have gotten better with practice. I wet her hair first (although sometimes I don't think it stays wet enough throughout the whole process), and I try to hold the hair above where I am brushing or combing to keep from hurting her head, and I go from the bottom up, trying to be very gentle. Most of the time I use conditioner on her hair after shampooing it. Yesterday I did not because I gave her a shower and because she's sick, she was not cooperating with having the water go over her head (I think she was having trouble breathing through her nose because of her congestion), so I didn't even try to condition it. So, it was very difficult to brush out and detangle after that.

I use the same brush on her hair that I use on my hair. I know enough not to use one of those bristle brushes, as they even make my hair poofy. Sometimes I use a comb. I just looked up types of hair brushes, and the brush I use is closest to the cushion brush (but larger) on this site: http://www.guysgirl.com/beauty-101/brushes/different-types-of-brushes.html

I don't know how to care for long curly hair. Pretty much without fail, her hair gets massively tangled behind her natural part, on the right side of her head. That's the hardest part to untangle. I want to know how I can prevent the tangling, and what special things I should be doing to care for her hair. Her hair is very beautiful and gets a lot of compliments--I want to know everything I can on how to care for it and how to teach her to care for it. Having straight hair with just a bit of wave has left me very lost when it comes to curly hair!

[Madora]

Since caring for it is difficult since its curly, perhaps it would be easiest to keep it in pigtails (in one form or another) so you would not have such a hassle detangling it.

Also, never, ever, brush hair when it is wet! Comb it with a wide tooth comb, and very slowly, starting from the ends of the hair and working up the strands.

[Siena]

I found a few tips on this site: http://alphamom.com/parenting/hair-care-101-for-curly-haired-tots/ although she recommends cutting the hair, and I'm not going to do that.

Thanks for the response. I'll have to get some wide-tooth combs.

[kitschy]

Only comb her hair with a wide toothed comb when it is dripping wet and full of a slippery conditioner. Curly hair is totally unlike straight hair.

Comb in the shower or tub, leave in some conditioner and let it dry naturally without further manipulation - it will form beautiful little ringlets that you can comb out the next time you get her hair wet.

[kitschy]

This is a good brush to use with curly hair but remember, only when wet and full or conditioner!

http://www.curlmart.com/product/denman-d3-brush/

[Siena]

What do you mean by leave some conditioner in? How much? I rinse my conditioner completely out. What should the hair feel like? Thanks.

[lapushka]

About leaving conditioner in --> more here:
http://www.tightlycurly.com

The Curly Girl Method:
http://www.wikihow.com/Follow-the-Curly-Girl-Method-for-Curly-Hair

[jojo]

I have wavy hair and it tangles terribly, I use Avon's kids detangling spray and the comb just glides through, maybe this is an idea for your little girl and use a wide comb, never a brush it will damage her hair.

[kitschy]

This is a good thread with a lot of valuable information

http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=369&highlight=wurly+curly

I leave in about a tablespoon of conditioner and let it dry that way. It help to form the curl and reduce frizz. You can also use gel or curl cream. If you can, read as much of the thread posted above. My mom's hair was straight and my sisters had some wave so she knew how to handle it - but she didn't have a CLUE what to do with my curly hair. I only learned how to treat it properly 2 years ago. I never could grow it past my shoulders and now it is past waist length.

[CurlyCap]

Honestly, if she has ringlets, I'd spend some time on the http://www.tightlycurly.com/welcome website. The basic method seems to be the same for most curly heads (type 4s/afro-like are a bit different), but ringlet girls mostly do this. The only thing that changes is how heavy/thick a conditioner and leave-in you need.

I was your daughter. My mom has straight (1b/c, prolly) hair, and is from asian descent, so it wasn't like she could ask the nearest curly head how to do my hair. There's lots of info on this website, too. I'd especially start reading through the Wurly and Curly thread, and looking at the profiles of anyone you see with curly hair. Lots of people list their routine.

Also, if you could post a pic of the back of her head, ringlets dried fresh from the shower, it would help us recommend some good products.

But in general, this might help:
1. Curly hair loves moisture.
It's easiest to wash/rinse infrequently, but the hair is easier to take care of and looks more predictably "nice" if you get it wet every day or every other day. Try washing her hair with just conditioner (called "co-washing"). Load her hair up heavily with it until it seems like it won't hold anymore. You don't have to use anything expensive.

If her hair is very tangled from the day, finger comb her hair while it still has conditioner in it until it separates itself into clumps/lockets. If finger combing isn't making the hair neat, try brushing it with the conditioner. This style brush (http://www.folica.com/tools/hair-brushes/denman-classic-styling-brush?s_cid=fgl_003420-L) is the only type I've found that holds up to curls and doesn't pull out or break my hair. Be gentle though. Since they don't have plastic beads at the tip, they can seem sharp to a kid's scalp. The conditioner lubes the whole process and makes it so very painless. Keep up your habit of holding the hair above the brush, though. Note: Brushing instead of finger combing when the hair is in conditioner changes the curl pattern a bit.

Rinse out the conditioner gently with warm water. Right before she gets outs rinse with a little cooler water. This helps seal the hair and helps keep in all that moisture you just added.

2. Don't over dry her hair after the shower.
Take a towel and quickly turban her hair. Literally put it on her head, twist it, and take it off again. You don't need to do anything else because her hair will suck up all the rest of the moisture, and any rubbing will make her hair frizzy.

While it's still damp is the time to add any leave-ins. At first, I'd just let her hair dry naturally and see how it comes out. Don't style it. You just spend all that time conditioning it, and little kids will only sit still so long. Plus it's prettier to put it in a pony once it dries. The ringlets will bounce into place once it's almost dry. The more anyone messes with it while it's wet, the frizzier it will be. She's a little kid though, so she'll do something to it. :D

If it looks dry/frizzy/unruly with no leave-in, try something really light to start with. There are leave-in conditioner sprays at the grocery store. Leave-ins take trial and effort because everyone needs a different weight. Some of my friends with really fine, thin hair just want sprays, and some people will leave conditioner in their hair. Some like oils, which again come in a variety from really thin to things as thick as Crisco.

3. It will always be a little unpredictable.
You can do the same routine for 2 weeks and one day the curls will just want to be bigger, or smaller, or less defined. It happens. Don't worry about. It's part of having curly hair. If it's a continual problem, or something seems to be getting worse, then play around with the routine you've developed.

4. Come and ask questions!
We love to help. Especially us formally curly little girls whose mom's tried to brush our dry hair!

Hugs!

[chelshireling]

I agree with everyone else. Only comb with a wide tooth comb when its wet and full of condittioner, but because she is little, I wouldn't put leave-in or oil because its sticky. When I was little I used to wear my hair in braided pig tails or french braids (still do:p) all the time. It might be much more comfortable for a little girl running around on the playground not to have all that beautiful hair everywhere. It also makes detangling that night in the bath much easier.
Also, I know you said you didn't want to cut it (which I think is awesome- give her the choice!) but you might consider a microtrim- just like 1/3 of an inch off because if her ends are dead it makes detangling the whole head much harder.
Hope it helps!

[MandyBeth]

Read and worship the wavy/curly thread. I've got a 6 y/o foster daughter with very very curly hair and have followed that since she came to us. We spent ages working out her matted mess of hair and she's now got beautiful curls that do tangle as she's not careful with her hair, but it's MUCH easier to work with and it's not frizzy all over the place.

[Siena]

I love all these replies! It is going to take me quite a while to get through all of this information, but I am very glad to have it. I want to teach my daughter to love her hair as it is naturally, and not feel like she has to straighten it or alter it in any way. My mom always wanted me to try to curl my hair for special occasions and I got so sick of it, because my hair does not hold a curl past an hour or two. I would have much rather chosen a nice straight hair style rather than trying to make my hair something it wasn't.

I don't notice anything particular about her ends. What should I look for? I really don't want to cut it at all, and I don't feel like there's any need for a trim right now. I'm hesitant to get near her with scissors, as she's three and is liable to move at just the wrong moment and end up with a bunch of locks cut off.

(Of course, this means that I'll have to take special care of my hair as well, as parents lead by example.)

[Avital88]

Since caring for it is difficult since its curly, perhaps it would be easiest to keep it in pigtails (in one form or another) so you would not have such a hassle detangling it.

Also, never, ever, brush hair when it is wet! Comb it with a wide tooth comb, and very slowly, starting from the ends of the hair and working up the strands.

My daughters(also 3) hair is also very curly and im sure i damage it way more when its dry.. its just not possible to comb while dry.. it needs to be wet and oiled, i think curly hair is totally different from straight hair when it comes to brushing because i never brush my own while wet but my daughters i really have to

[CurlyCap]

My daughters(also 3) i think curly hair is totally different from straight hair when it comes to brushing because i never brush my own while wet but my daughters i really have to

My mom was the same way. Her hair breaks and is AWFUL to brush when wet. Her family really prizes long hair in young women, so she refused to brush my hair until it was completely dry. GUH. I used to run away or try to flush the brush down the toilet.

[MandyBeth]

With J, I comb her hair when soaked in conditioner or you can't comb tangles out. Slow and careful, no more breakage than I expect. Combing dry snaps her hair and results in a massive ball of frizz. Now, I can use a Tangle Teezer on her dry hair without any more breakage than normal, but again, it's frizzy. Our current version of dealing with her hair is....

Brush her hair out after school, then wash her hair (which is a whole process), comb out so all the hairs are more or less in place, let her run around while it finishes drying. Put in loose braid for her to sleep in. Release, spray with conditioner/oil mix, do whatever with her hair for the day, turn her loose.

Biggest thing is to NOT use shampoo if at all possible. J needs her hair clarified every once in a while because she needs the slip from the 'cones over the heavy damage, but otherwise we just conditioner wash only. Her hair is clean, her scalp is clean, and her curls are more than manageable.

[Gothchiq]

Also, Aveeno's Nourish and Condition leave in treatment (a spray on conditioner) is great for getting the comb through, and can be found at drugstores. I use it on my boyfriend, whose hair is down to hip level, so he doesn't rip his hair detangling it.

[Siena]

I'm going to have to start small at first. I was thinking I'll switch to conditioner only and get a wide-tooth comb for now. Why does the denman brush work for curly hair? I tried to use one once and it made my hair so fuzzy/frizzy. I know I have different hair than my daughter, but I can't imagine it not making anyone's hair frizzy. But obviously, it works for those of you who recommended it!

(I do wonder, though, if my hair is wavier than I think, especially since we don't know where my daughter got her curly hair. I always brush my hair out after washing and conditioning. Sometimes there's more wave than usual if I let it dry first. But then I brush it. But then, I'd have to start a new thread if I'm going to ask about me.)

[Niphredil]

Also, never, ever, brush hair when it is wet! Comb it with a wide tooth comb, and very slowly, starting from the ends of the hair and working up the strands.
Don't use a BBB (wet or dry I'd say), but with curls or even just wurls, it way easier to detangle when soaking wet!

[kitschy]

Why does the denman brush work for curly hair?


The Denman works for me but only when my hair is wet. It promotes clumping of the curls after you've combed through them with the wide toothed comb (and by wide-toothed, I mean the shower type combs not just a standard comb) I never brush OR comb my hair when it is dry. If I need to put it in braids, buns or ponytails, I just keep them messy. Don't try to make curly hair smooth - it just doesn't work well at all.

[Madora]

My daughters(also 3) hair is also very curly and im sure i damage it way more when its dry.. its just not possible to comb while dry.. it needs to be wet and oiled, i think curly hair is totally different from straight hair when it comes to brushing because i never brush my own while wet but my daughters i really have to

Combing when wet is fine, provided you use a wide tooth comb and go slowly. It's brushing wet hair that is not beneficial, whether curly or straight.

With a comb, you have less chance of snagging those delicate strands. With a brush, you've got EACH of those tiny bristles to snag on delicate hair, which is worse, because the hair is at its weakest when wet.

When I curl my hair (which is seldom since breakage always happens) I always use a wide tooth comb to detangle the curls. I can't imagine how patient you must be caring for curly hair!

[kitschy]

Madora, I wish you would refrain for a moment in saying that curlies can't brush their hair wet.

There is a whole method called the "tightly curly method" of brushing with the Denman brush to promote curl clumping. Teri LeFlesh has a huge following amongst curly heads. She has beautiful long curly hair. It takes years and years to grow a long flowing mane of curly hair - and she has done it and knows how.

Tightly Curly Method (http://www.tightlycurly.com/welcome)

Do you have curly hair? I would never treat my hair the way you do by brushing 100 times a day - it would horribly, terribly damage my hair. Curly hair is different, it requires different tools and techniques. The Denman brush is a special tool that works well on wet, conditioner-saturated hair.

[julya]

I didn't see anyone mention it, but the tangle teezer works well for my 6 year old's long curly hair. They sell them at Sally Beauty Supply for $10, here's a link: http://www.sallybeauty.com/detangling-brush/TGLTEZ1,default,pd.html
And there is a thread here about them: http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=9334

[CurlyCap]

For me the Denman works because:

1. It doesn't have those little plastic balls on the ends of the staves. My curls wrap around those and either the staves get pulled out or my hair.

2. The staves/bristles are stiff. Again, this prevents it from being deformed by my curls, and is strong enough to promote clumping.

3. The bristle holder slides into the handle. No paddle cushion or whatever. My hair pulls the cushions out of the handle, and my hair gets caught (winds itself into) the space between conventional cushions and handles. The denman is fitted tightly enough that my hair can't cause trouble, but since the denman comes apart, it can be cleaned easily if I use it to brush through heavy leave-ins.

I actually got my first denman from my mom. She didn't like it, so I took it for a whirl. :D

[CurlyCap]

Madora, I wish you would refrain for a moment in saying that curlies can't brush their hair wet.

There is a whole method called the "tightly curly method" of brushing with the Denman brush to promote curl clumping. Teri LeFlesh has a huge following amongst curly heads. She has beautiful long curly hair. It takes years and years to grow a long flowing mane of curly hair - and she has done it and knows how.

Tightly Curly Method (http://www.tightlycurly.com/welcome)

Do you have curly hair? I would never treat my hair the way you do by brushing 100 times a day - it would horribly, terribly damage my hair. Curly hair is different, it requires different tools and techniques. The Denman brush is a special tool that works well on wet, conditioner-saturated hair.


Thanks. You are a lot more eloquent than I would be.

I try to tell people who like my curls about different ways to promote clumping, one of them being wet brushing or combing (depending on what works for you). It's really frustrating when people won't acknowledge that perhaps you know the beast that lives on your head better than they do.

The HUGE amount of conditioner used before brushing practically prevents the strands from coming into contact with the hair. It's literally lube. The brush just glides through, and when you rinse you have clumps left behind.

I think the BBB and straighties is a great example. BBB for me is to finish off an updo, if I want to be bothered with a smooth look. I can't brush my hair frequently dry. I can go for softness in my hair care routine, but sleekness is never going to be the best adjective for curls. I'm trying really hard to learn about straight(er) hair because recently I've been babysitting a dear little girl with type 2 hair. I wish people would be as open minded about curly hair.

Anyway, back to the 3yo and her adventures in learning to be a curly....

[PixxieStix]

Oh geeze, this brings me back to when I was a kid of 4-5 and my (still) best friend had (and still has) this gigantic mass of type 4, BLONDE coarse curls, and I had straight type 1 red hair (much redder as a child) and we both tried taking the hair caught in our brushes and putting it on each other's heads for weeks trying to get the other's hair type to grow on our own head, because I wanted her hair and she wanted mine, lol! But I remember us as children and the horrors she faced with her "unmanageable" hair. I wish her mom had the resources you are getting for your daughter!

I'm a straighty, so don't have any advice for hair care, but did want to say you rock for wanting to take care of your daughter's hair, and I'll be following this thread and pass the info along to my friend, she's still struggling with hers. :) Oh, and you rock for sending the message to your daughter while she is young that her hair is perfect the way it is, it will pass on to other areas of her life and she'll be much stronger in herself growing up.

[Siena]

Thanks! I want the best for her. She really does deserve it!

(I can't imagine her ever hating her hair, it's just so beautiful--but I'm not taking any chances! ;) )

[holothuroidea]

I didn't read all the replies because I'm in a rush but I had to respond! I have a 3 year old daughter with curly hair, too, and I've run into the same problems as you.

What works for my little girl (thanks to LHC!) is:

-Wash with conditioner only. Little kids don't need shampoo, because they don't produce sebum. Conditioner is enough to get food (even butter!) and modeling clay out and it is good for the curls. It defines them and stretches them out a little bit. We use California Baby Calendula conditioner.

-Only wash when necessary. Like when there's food or crap in it. Washing makes tangles!!

- Use a wide tooth wooden comb or just your fingers for detangling, and do it when it's damp. If the strands are wet they will stretch and break easily but if they're dry the knots will shrink. Start at the bottom of the hair- this is really key. It's a piece of advice I never listened to but it makes a huge difference. If detangling is difficult use a leave in, my favorite is straight jojoba oil. One drop rubbed into my fingers makes the process much easier.

-NO BRUSHING!

-Buns and headbands!! (I think this applies to all little girls with long hair, though :) )