Interesting discussion about long hair on women...

[Melisande]

... over at Babble, in the blog (http://blogs.babble.com/babble-voices/home-work/2011/11/26/do-most-men-prefer-long-hair-on-women/)of the admirable Katie.

She usually wears a pixie but her husband requested that she grow out her hair. She did, it's shoulder length now, but she's beginning to get bored... but her husband is pleading with her to let her hair grow.

This makes her think about the reasons for her husband's obvious preference, and whether all men are like that, and what's the deal with men, women and hair in general.

The discussion is lively and full of interesting personal stories. If anyone here thinks he has a penny or two to add, that might be interesting.

For me, it's always fascinating how the "hair as fashion accessory" attitude of the consumer society clashes with older cultural patterns, including very archaic ideas of femininity. Many of these archaic ideas can be quite limiting to women but in this case, I find them liberating. But this is my personal pov.

I wouldn't like to see women forced to cut her hair just as I wouldn't like to see them forced to grow it. Neither men for that matter.

But what is it that makes men associate long hair with a desirable woman? or is that really a myth? and what role does it play for our decision processes?

it's great to see people discuss it.

And: it was also interesting to see the world from a short haired pov. I got so used to seeing the world through LHC glasses that it's really great to widen my horizons. It seems that for short hairs life doesn't mean universal acceptance of their hair ideal, either...

[moon2dove]

Interesting blog/discussion!

My DH has always preferred longish hair, as in SL or longer.
Since we've known each other, I think I have only ever had really short hair twice.
I asked DH what he really preferred and he said, and I quote,
" Long hair really...But some women do suit a good short hairstyle".

[Amber_Maiden]

My husband doesn't care. He really truly doesn't. He likes both on woman; both short and long hair. he doesn't care at all what I do with my hair, just loves me for being me.

[Avital88]

interesting! my boyfriend likes long hair and most guys i know prefer longer hair too.(waist and longer)

[uptosomeone]

My cousin was telling my dad once that she thought that no girl should ever have a super short hair cut. She felt they lost a lot of femininity when they had one. His response was that he felt that the shorter a woman had her hair cut, the more self-confidence she had because she wasn't conforming and was happy and comfortable with herself.

I have to agree. I think beautiful is just another word for I Love Myself How I Am...ie, CONFIDENCE. :) If you have confidence in your hair, looks, body, whatever, you will be beautiful!

[jacqueline101]

I think most men like long hair its a sign of femininity in their eyes. My man likes longer hair and he will probably always will.

[Cania]

I know that my DBF prefers long hair, but I think he'd still find me attractive with my hair short. He certainly wouldn't try and make me grow it if I cut it, and he'd just focus more on the parts of me that he was particularly fond of.

[akilina]

i think longer hair is very feminine but ive seen women with short hair and it looks great on them and feminine at the same time. i guess its all whatever suits their fancy most :)
my man doesnt really care if mine is short or long i dont think but he probably prefers long.

[papera]

Well, my boyfriend loves my long hair. He once said that even though he thinks short hair would look good on me too, he still prefers my long looks. My father loved my mum's long hair and was always a bit sad when she started to wear them in pixie-style ... But there are also guys who love short hair on women.

I think we still live in a world were femininity and masculinity are still defined through the hair length. Well, surely not as much as it used to be in the old days. I'm not familiar with hair history, but as far as I know this started to change in the 1920s (in the Western world) when women started to cut their hair short, but men only started to grow them long (again) in the 1960s.
Also this definition has changed over the centuries (don't think that in the Middle Age men cut their hair short), but nowadays long hair still seems to be associated with femininity and short hair still with masculinity. You can also see that on the preference of many women for men with short hair because it is more "manly".

Having said all of that, the hair owner (if male or female), needs to feel good with his/her hair, regardless of what men/ women like. Also, one cannot generalize the preference of one gender as we are all different ...

[XcaliburGirl]

"What men like" aside (since I think it's a silly question, I don't necessarily like things that women supposedly like), I do often debate with myself on how much other people's perceptions should go into my decisions about my hair. On the one hand, I don't want to put my own preferences aside. On the other hand, if I look too "out there" or too frumpy, it does affect my confidence and self-perception, no matter how much I wish it would not. What's most convenient to me isn't necessarily what feels best, and what feels best isn't necessarily what looks best.

It's the same with clothing. I wear what I want to wear without bothering about what supposedly is attractive or in style. However, if I am too out of place with certain situations, I feel uncomfortable even though to conform to others' expectations would put me in an outfit where I would not feel "myself". Where should the line be drawn? Obviously, job interviews are a situation where I need to look the part.

[Piyo]

Well psychologically, long healthy hair is a sign of youth, health, and fertility so I'm sure a lot of men have a subconscious preference. Whenever I'm lamenting my hair, my boyfriend always scolds me and tells me it's feminine. I think that is the more obvious reason why some (most?) men prefer it, it's just feminine. :)

[mrs_coffee]

His response was that he felt that the shorter a woman had her hair cut, the more self-confidence she had because she wasn't conforming and was happy and comfortable with herself.

This is exactly what my husband believes as well and one of the reasons he was attracted to me initially. I loved my hair short and I might go back to a pixie one day, but it's fun trying to grow it out and I'm finding that longer hair isn't as much of a pain as I thought it would be.

[AnnaJamila]

I don't feel feminine with short hair so I keep it long. I feel really butch which is not a look that I think suits me. And I do take DH's preferences into consideration, just not sole consideration. I feel that he does have some say as to how I look (just as he caters to my preferences on occasion as to how he looks) and since I want to look good for him I will take his suggestions. If I don't like it I don't do it again but sometimes his suggestions surprise me and I end up loving them!

Huh, I said I a whole lot! :p

[andreamuse]

I had never had shorter hair than chin length (never a pixie) until last January when I got about 12 inches cut off and went super short. Now, the cut suited me (I have small features and big eyes and can apparently pull off a pixie). However, what I noticed is that I would either have had to have it cut about every 3 weeks to keep the artsy-edgy look, or it would go quickly into mom hair territory. The other thing is that I did feel less feminine and that made me feel a bit self-conscious. I didn't feel ready for that. So now I am growing my hair out and can't wait until my hair is not pixie-short any more and has more of a "swing" to it!

[Yame]

I do think most men prefer long hair (although not extremely long, other than in certain subcultures), but it's unfair and inaccurate to generalize to the point where we are making the assumption that is the case for all men. I have met a few men who prefer short hair...

Personally, I think some people can pull off short hair better than others. I think I look terrible with short hair, but I like short hair on other people. However, I tend to find long hair more mesmerizing... but that is just my preference. I think people should do whatever makes them happy, and if my husband was constantly pushing me to change my look, I'd start feeling a little self-conscious.

[Kristin]

While I know that some men prefer short hair, I haven't met any who have told me so. (Perhaps my male friends are a self-selecting group :)) I'm surprised that people are still shocked to learn that many men prefer long hair; the guys I know openly admit that healthy long hair is a powerful tool.

[leslissocool]

See I like long hair, and DH has long hair and he also likes my hair long. He met me with short hair though, shoulder length and horrible bleached and damaged. Yet he loved me so IMO it's about attitude.

I don't think long hair is more feminine, I think long hair is romantic and ethereal. Look at the paintings, very few classic that tend to inspire some kind of romantic feeling have women with short hair.

[desertgirl]

Within my circle of male friends, I have had several express a level of protection of my hair. In fact, just today, when I jokingly said that I would shave it off, I received a, "don't you dare." type response. Since I like it long, I can't say that I minded such a comment. It was more of a compliment.

I do find it interesting that when I cut my hair short, just longer than pixie, I had gobs of girl-friends telling me how much they loved my hair cut. I think only two guys commented positively. This may speak to gender trends, but personally, I don't think short hair is flattering to my overall figure, and I gave it up as it required way too much maintenance.

Now a good female friend of mine has a short, yet feminine cut and I think it's quite flattering on her. It also fits her personality better than long hair would. While long hair is freeing for me it would suffocate her.

[Miss Maisie]

I have been told (many times, actually) that I have a personality/face for short hair. I've actually never dated a guy who had a long hair preference - or a short hair one, for that matter. My husband doesn't care how I keep my hair, as long as it's not longer than waist. He actually just amended that statement to, "I don't care what length it is, as long as you're doing something interesting with it." Whatever that means, by him :-P

[CurlyCap]

I don't know. I'm torn about this. Cutting my hair opened my eyes a lot to how our appearance is interpreted by those who don't know us, and hair is a big part of our appearance.

When my hair was long, it was major attention getter. I understand that, because not only was it long, but it was BIG and curly. I used to get annoyed because a lot of guys who asked me out would start with some comment about my hair (and not my dresses, which are my first fashion love). Anyway, at the time I was being asked out by a wide spectrum of guys and I didn't think much of it.

When I cut it, there was a huge shift in male attention. My girlfriends didn't really care. A lot of women in my social circle have gone through a major hair change at least once, and it was more like a right of passage. However, the change in male attention was really striking. FAR less men asked me out, although the only major change in appearance was my hair. Still had the same favorite dress! :D What I found interesting was that the guys who DID ask me out tended to be more comfortable with a lot of my brassy ways, and were less intimidated when I spoke my mind.

It's given me pause. A hairstyle completely changed the kind of guy who hits on me. A lot people make assumptions about my personality based on the fact that I did cut my hair. And while I'm generally assertive, I kind of miss that I'm not treated as girly-dainty as often as I used to be.

/random thought spew

[honeydippedxo]

I'm with CurlyCap I had the same experience. With long hair a ton of guys would hit on me all the time now with short hair fewer men hit on me. I've noticed the men that do hit on me with my short hair tend to be older men. Not old but I'm only 21 and most men who try to hit on me appear to be between the ages 30-45. Less men hitting on me = sunshine and dandelions for me, I feel it's a total PLUS.

Also I've found that woman are more open to me. With long hair most women would just give me a stankyass look, an evil eye roll and wouldn't even consider talking to me or being friendly. It was a normal thing for me to just casually walk by a group of girls and they all stop talking to each other just to stare me down, looking like they're getting ready to jump me or something. Now a days I'm finding that women smile at me often and are actually friendly with me. So that is also a total PLUS. But at the end of the day no matter how much I love the treatment my short hair is getting me, I personally love my hair long.


I feel a lot of men SAY they prefer long hair on women (and they might honestly THINK that they do) but all they really care about is first, how attractive the woman is in his eyes as a whole and second, feeling a connection with her. It's not like they're going to see some hot chick and then dismiss their attraction because her hair isn't the right length...It's the same way guys say they prefer a girl with ginormous boobs, or huge ass or super model thin or blond hair or green eyes.... Then you meet their girlfriend, one that they have true feelings for and she's super gorgeous but looks nothing like the kind of girl he said he wanted.


So who cares what MOST men want, say they want or what MOST women think men are attracted to, who cares if MOST men are not attracted to you. If you're comfortable being yourself, you'll end up attracting a man who loves you as you are and that's the kind of guy you should be going for.

[mrs_coffee]

Men openly hitting on me grosses me out, so maybe there is a subconscious reason I kept my hair short even after my competitive swimming career came to an end. Hmmmm. Men glancing at me or whatever is fine, but brazenly hitting on me? GTFO.

[Cjatje]

My DH doesn't really care... Sinc we're together, about 5 years, I've had short hair and hair at SL and he really doesn't care.
Bt now I didn't know what to do with my hair, and he said he would like to see it longer:)

[Orangerthanred]

I don't care what men like. If someone truly likes me, they should be able to like me whether I'm bald, long haired, short haired, curly haired, straight haired, thick haired, or thin haired.

People who only like one hair type and refuse to accept any other should try spending a few days blind. Maybe that will show them how to like someone based on personality, not looks.

[duchesswannabe]

Men openly hitting on me grosses me out, so maybe there is a subconscious reason I kept my hair short even after my competitive swimming career came to an end. Hmmmm. Men glancing at me or whatever is fine, but brazenly hitting on me? GTFO.

Maybe you decided to keep your hair short because you were used to it and didn't want to get used to a new hair care regime. You may have felt, as I did, that short hair would not make a difference in how men perceived you as long as it was YOU who was wearing it. This is hard to explain. You didn't want to conform to the princess-y standard but had not problem with your own image because it was for you and for anyone who appreciated it.

It is also cultural. In some eras short hair is much, much more preferable (read: the 70s and 80s, long may they rot). It tells a man that a woman keeps up with the times. Long or short hair, there is the occasional man who will see a woman deviating from what is perceived as "with the times," and, particularly in the case of young women who don't keep up with the current length or styles, he can get turned off.

In another few years all that salivating men are supposed to do regarding long hair may go right out the window.

[Lilli]

Why has no one posted an offended "I don't care what men think who are you to say what men like my man blah blah blah" comment? I always check in on these threads hoping for that! :p

My husband has changed his opinion. He used to like my hair short, now he likes it long. I prefer it long. I feel more sexy.

[Gothchiq]

Boyfriend and I both like long hair on anyone, provided it is well cared for. Ultimately, it's down to the personal preference of the person whose hair it is. I don't even know "what men like," I just know what my man and I like. :)

xoxo
gothchiq

[discoisntdead]

I don't care what men like. If someone truly likes me, they should be able to like me whether I'm bald, long haired, short haired, curly haired, straight haired, thick haired, or thin haired.

People who only like one hair type and refuse to accept any other should try spending a few days blind. Maybe that will show them how to like someone based on personality, not looks.

:) That's very smart advice. I wish that I was assertive as you are.

[ilovelonghair]

Men prefer young women in part because they tend to be healthier than older women. One accurate indicator of health is physical attractiveness; another is hair. Healthy women have lustrous, shiny hair, whereas the hair of sickly people loses its luster. Because hair grows slowly, shoulder-length hair reveals several years of a woman’s health status.

I think there is a truth in that sadly enough. But it goes both ways: a man with thick healthy hair (short or long) looks healthier and a better candidate for a partner, in nature it's normal to prefer to choose a healthier partner, will make sure there is more chance for offspring and to be around to raise them.
But in modern society we care less about these things, not everybody is keen on reproducing.
(although my single female friends are always very honest: they want a man with hair and skip the ones with no hair if they are on dating sites)

[ilovelonghair]

Also I've found that woman are more open to me. With long hair most women would just give me a stankyass look, an evil eye roll and wouldn't even consider talking to me or being friendly. It was a normal thing for me to just casually walk by a group of girls and they all stop talking to each other just to stare me down, looking like they're getting ready to jump me or something.

Do you have an idea why they did that? That never happens to me.
By the way your hair is great, suits you :)

Some women look amazing with short hair, even supershort. depends on the face. But I prefer long hair myself.


Boyfriend and I both like long hair on anyone, provided it is well cared for. Ultimately, it's down to the personal preference of the person whose hair it is. I don't even know "what men like," I just know what my man and I like. :)

xoxo
gothchiq

My BF and I love long hair, his is starting to soon outgrow mine in length and he has 3 or 4 times more hair that me *jealous*, it looks amazing.

[duchesswannabe]

But in modern society we care less about these things, not everybody is keen on reproducing.
(although my single female friends are always very honest: they want a man with hair and skip the ones with no hair if they are on dating sites)

My DH is bald with a fringe, as he was when I met him. The only physical thing that turned me off about him was occasionally his choice of clothing. Then I got over it.

[Zesty]

Of course, everyone is different... by my DBF likes long hair, and when I asked him what I should do with my hair when we started dating (I had a shaggy pixie-like cut at the time), he said to grow it out. I think things may have gotten out of his hands at this point though lol...

[Raiscake]

DBF tells me I can do anything I want with my hair, but I think he secretly likes my hair long. I'm sure it doesn't matter in the long run though. When we met, I had short hair and kept it that way for a year. Hardly a dealbreaker. I don't mind if he likes my hair long. I like his hair short so it's only fair.

I do mind, however, that my mom insists that I should keep my hair long. Maybe because of the way she puts it. "You look fat/old/unattractive with short hair." Well, thanks.

[A. Correira]

My husband has told me that I look good with both long and short. He will never tell me what he really prefers, which might be a smart move. I notice that when my hair is longer, he is more prone to playing with it and running his fingers through it, which I love. His only rule is that he doesn't want my hair so short that his can easily outgrow it. haha
I feel that longer hair is more feminine and I can be quite the little girly girl, so I like my hair long. I have tried new things to see if my husband prefers it over all the other things that I have done, but his thoughts have never really changed, he doesn't really care, as long as I am happy and I like it. I am growing my hair out for me, no one else. :)

[Alex Lou]

My DH really has no preference for my hair. He once told me that he thinks that short hair is sexier and long hair is prettier. I assume that this is because of the association of long hair with femininity, and short hair on women with liberation and rebellion (and therefore sexual liberation).

When I asked a close male friend what length I should keep my hair, he said that he liked that I changed it regularly, makes it more interesting.

I can only conclude that men like variety even if there is a general preference for long.

[ericthegreat]

Ugggggggggggggggh. :rolleyes: It appears that at least once every season we get some variation of the "Do men like women with longer hair or shorter hair?" thread here on LHC.

Its insulting to men to paint them all with the same brush and simplify them as shallow jerks out to chase some fantasy female with big boobs and long hair. Not all men think and feel the same way. There are many men who in fact love women with short hair, because they prefer a woman who has the confidence to give the finger to societal expectations and show off her beautiful face without hiding behind a curtain of long hair. There are also many men who really don't care one way or another, because they love the person their wife/girlfriend is inside, not whatever hair length she happens to have.

I think the whole "Men prefer women to have longer hair" schtick is really socially conditioned. In modern times, and I mean within just the last century the cultural norm is for men to have their hair short and clean cut while women are expected to have their hair long, or at least a longer length than her male companion. This came about because of WWI, and the men who went off to war would have their hair shaved off so as to provide protection from being grabbed by the hair in close hand to hand combat. Even after the war ended, men everywhere clearly decided it was much easier and comfortable to keep a shaved head/short crop, and so from that time on short hair was adopted as cultural symbol of masculinity. So if short hair is now a symbol for masculinity, then longer hair would of course become the cultural domain of femininity. I think the vast majority of men today who say they prefer a long-haired woman are really just responding in kind to the social cues they were taught as young children that "boys are supposed to keep their hair short" while "only girls are allowed to have long hair".

There are of course already men living today who are much more progressive than that, and like I said above some of them actually prefer a short-haired woman, or he doesn't care what hair length she has at all as long as she has a great personality. If I can sum all this up neatly, its that men, or at least straight men :D, simply like women.

[ilovelonghair]

This came about because of WWI, and the men who went off to war would have their hair shaved off so as to provide protection from being grabbed by the hair in close hand to hand combat. Even after the war ended, men everywhere clearly decided it was much easier and comfortable to keep a shaved head/short crop, and so from that time on short hair was adopted as cultural symbol of masculinity.


I wonder how soldiers in other times would have coped with their long hair: bun anyone? If it would have been a problem then short hair would have been the norm since the dawn of humanity, but in most cultures men had it long.

Since we here on LHC know that long hair is easier to care for I don't think they kept it after the war for that reason. Maybe it just had become fashion and stayed? And then women soon followed and the short hair fashion has stayed as well, but together with long hair. In that way we women are so lucky. But it's slowly changing for men :)

[Nuin]

The other day, I noticed that as hair gets longer so my walk becomes more (for want of a better word) masculine. By the time my hair is waist length, I'll probably be striding around like the Terminator :guns:

I identify as androgynous, yet have longish hair and an extremely curvy, hour-glass figure. It's as if a more "aggressive" walk helps me to balance these out, and it definitely helps to reduce the number of unwanted come-ons from other people.

When it comes to mating manoeuvres, though, I'm fine with a chap with any length of hair :)

[Mayflower]

I did have a lot of men hitting on me when I was younger and had short(er) hair, but only the type of guys I liked.
Now, with longer hair, I have those guys hitting on me AND the creepy men who just go mad whenever a girl with long hair and a skirt passes by. It drives me crazy, 'cause they usually whistle and shout disgusting things at me. I never experienced any of that with shorter hair, so I guess those 'typical' macho guys are just fixated on 'typical' feminine features, like long hair, dresses/skirts etc. It's just the way they hit on me that makes me feel like some sort of object.

It has even gotten worse with my hair being a dark brown/black now, plus I only wear skirts and dresses. I wish those annoying men would just grow up and won't make me feel like some kind of whore just because I dress the way I do and I have the hair I have.

[celebriangel]

For what it's worth, my DBF#2 seems to like "unusual" hair - ie either very short and punky or very long. This is my preference as well - I find the standard shoulder-to-BSL layered cuts to be a little boring, probably just because everyone seems to have them. I like to have something different.

FWIW, I get way more attention with long hair than with either short or medium-length hair. Short hair doesn't suit me at all, but it seemed like when I passed BSL suddenly lots of people started to appreciate my hair.

[PlainLight]

In conservative/plain Christian circles, it's a hard and fast rule that men have short hair, wear pants and shirts, and in some cases wear a beard, while women have long hair and wear dresses. In many groups, women do not cut or trim their hair at all.

The reasons for this are Biblical, and I suspect they've made a subtle but deep impression in western culture over the centuries. The Bible says that for women, long hair is a glory, but for men it's shameful. Of course different Christian societies have interpreted that in different ways, especially recently with our groups being at the extreme, and the rest who even consider it one way or the other, think any length is alright as long as a woman's hair is slightly longer than her husband's.

In our society, though, there's been a long if almost instinctive understanding that long hair is more "feminine." In the feminist movement, one of the first things women did to break from their traditional roles was to cut their hair short.

So in plain groups, which hold onto those traditional roles and beliefs, it's emphasized. Most don't talk about hair so much and leave it neatly coiled under their caps, but there's some special attitude that is shown towards uncut hair. I'm not sure if I agree with this, but girls are taught to always leave their hair up in public, as something to be treasured and saved for their husbands alone.

[weddy]

I mostly had long'ish hair during my heyday in the 80s/90s. But I got more comments about my legs or eyes than my hair. I don't recall a man ever mentioning how long my hair was - they'd say something about the curls, especially since I didn't use hair spray.

[JatnnaBibi]

My boyfriend likes both, he enjoys my look of innocence which he says he sees more when my hair is short. But long hair makes me look sexier

short hair -pretty and cute, innocence
Long hair- Sexy

[CurlyCap]

This came about because of WWI, and the men who went off to war would have their hair shaved off so as to provide protection from being grabbed by the hair in close hand to hand combat.

In Western society, this goes back a lot further than WWI. It goes back to ancient greek and Rome. Men would sign up for military duty while the women stayed home. Therefore, it was more common for men to have shorn their hair at some point than women.

This held for literally thousands of years. Long hair was seen as 1)Feminine or 2)A sign of wealth, because long hair on men meant you didn't do labor or had to fight. Furthermore, when wigs came into vogue in Europe, longer wigs cost more, as did curly wigs because they had more hair. It was another instance of long hair indicating wealth. This is why servants and doormen wore short, slightly curled wigs while judges, politicians and nobility wore long curled ones.

The context of the long/short hair dichotomy is why the '20s flapper was so scandalous. Most of those women had parents who'd grown up during England's Edwardian period. Their mother's had worn gibsons and had generations of women before them with long hair (in addition to corsets and ankle length hemlines). In less than decade, they'd managed to convert the fashionable female style from long hair to a short bob. It was seen as a sign of freedom, a sign of recovery from the war, and casting off a lot of old ideals. Those women drank illegal licor and danced out in clubs instead of ballrooms.

Long hair didn't make a come back until almost the last 60s, and is still more optional than expected to this day.

[BlazingHeart]

Modern short hair on men reaches back to the English Civil War, in the 1640s. It was a period where haircut spoke not only to wealth and political affiliations, but to religious beliefs as well. The Parlimentary forces were also known as Roundheads, because of their distinctive short hair cuts. The Parlimentary forces were more strongly Protestant and opposed to tolerance and equality for Catholics. Longer hair was affiliated with the wealthy, the Crown, and perhaps most important for the longevity of the style, the unrighteous.

I was a gender historian before I went off to law school.

~Blaze