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PorkChop
November 26th, 2011, 10:42 AM
I was surprised again this morning to find out my sister in law had straightened her daughters hair (who will be 3 next March)

I think she has only done this a couple of times, the first time a few weeks ago. But i find it really strange. No one else seems to think its awful or strange, except me and the boyfriend.

I mean, i have also found it odd they have always blow dried her hair too. Im sure my hair used to dry really quickly at that age anyway!

So yeah is this getting to be normal practice nowadays? She doesnt do it often, like i said its only been twice to my knowledge, just for a novelty/special occasion.

slz
November 26th, 2011, 10:47 AM
Since I heard a colleague of mine saying her sister in law had highlights put into her 5 y/o 's hair, I'm going to say nothing astonishes me anymore :rolleyes:.

spidermom
November 26th, 2011, 10:48 AM
I don't know if it's normal, but it seems kind of odd.
I can understand the blow-drying if it's cold outside.
I think quite a few moms like to play dress-up with their little girls, which includes "doing" the hair.

My former hair stylist told me that her mom gave her a perm when she was 3 or 4. Now that's odd!

Yozhik
November 26th, 2011, 10:48 AM
Hrm. I haven't heard of a lot of people doing this, but then again I don't hang around with a lot of young girls. :shrug:

I'd be afraid of accidentally burning the child since children aren't always known for being able to sit still and not squirm.

PorkChop
November 26th, 2011, 10:50 AM
I just find it weird, i cant understand doing it or wanting to do it for any reason lol. Im usually unshockable slz, but i admit this did shock me

vanillabones
November 26th, 2011, 10:50 AM
I don't know if people regularly do that... but I really doubt it. I never see young girls' hair flat ironed. I would never do it to my own child if I had one, and it was never done to me (not that I need it) I could see blowdrying if you had to bring your child out into the winter and their hair was soaking wet, that is the only reason I'd probably even buy a hairfrier again. Their hair does dry very fast, I know because my hair is still child like in texture and it dries within an hour.

Coan-Teen
November 26th, 2011, 11:35 AM
I work in child care so I can tell you from a number perspective, no, it's not "normal." I find it to be awful, personally. The messages some parents send without realizing it to their children can be horrible. I had a little girl with braids come to me and say her mother had made her hair pretty. She and I sat down and discussed that her hair is always pretty, whether it's braided or not. I think some people just don't consider what their actions say.

Quixii
November 26th, 2011, 11:42 AM
None of the little kids I work with seem to come in with hair treated that way. And that does really shock me. I feel like it starts a kid off with the feelings that you can only be special of you don't accept how you look naturally. :(

Mannaz
November 26th, 2011, 11:44 AM
Wow I certainly hope it isn't becoming normal! And child's hair is more fragile than adult's hair, too, so I can only imagine what damage regular straightening would do.

Kat
November 26th, 2011, 11:46 AM
When you say "straigtened," do you mean like with an electric straightener, or she's African-American and had it chemically straightened (I assume the former since you say it was temporary)?

Seems a bit strange to me, but oh well. I could see doing it if her hair was really curly/tangly and hard to manage and straightening it made it easier to keep tidy, but just for the hell of it? What kid cares? (At least not at that age. I could see it years down the road if she's got friends who all have straight hair and wants to be able to do the same things with her hair that they can, then it might matter to her.)

I dunno, though. I got a perm when I was somewhere between 8 and 11 (can't remember exactly how old), but I asked for it (guys, it was the 80s, what can I say), it wasn't something my mom did to me because she felt like it.

Piyo
November 26th, 2011, 11:49 AM
I don't see straightening to be any different from other styling that parents always do to their kids, like braiding, curling, crimping. I would be concerned about the heat on such fragile hair though.


I had a little girl with braids come to me and say her mother had made her hair pretty. She and I sat down and discussed that her hair is always pretty, whether it's braided or not.

Whats wrong with a mom telling her daughter her hair is pretty after styling it? It's a natural thing, I doubt her mom told her that her hair wasn't pretty before.

unknown
November 26th, 2011, 12:00 PM
Whats wrong with a mom telling her daughter her hair is pretty after styling it? It's a natural thing, I doubt her mom told her that her hair wasn't pretty before.

Agreed. When I change my hairstyle I can think that it's pretty without disliking the way my hair usually looks like...

Nevvie
November 26th, 2011, 12:01 PM
It really wouldn't suprise me. I can remember a friend of mine (and this was back in the 90's) who'd had highlights since she was 7. Her mom was a hairdresser and thought this was totally acceptable. Worse than that is her mom had also been perming her baby sister's hair since she was about 1 1/2. Apparently she had straight hair and it just wasn't cute enough. This she obviously knew was wrong because she'd told her older two daughters that they shouldn't tell anyone that she permed the baby's hair. I can also remember my own mother having my hair permed when I was about 7. I had naturally curly hair but I guess she wanted it to be less wild and more uniform. The things my sister had done with her two daughters hair... well, I don't even want to get into that. It's not good. I've pretty much seen it all. I don't understand it and don't approve of it but it doesn't shock me anymore.

MandyBeth
November 26th, 2011, 12:15 PM
My 6 yo has a number of kids in her class who have chemical treatments done. Seems normal today, as much as I dislike it. But we do tell her she has Pretty Princess hair when it's all curly, then Awesome Rockstar hair when it's braid straightened.

Ice~Cold~Wind
November 26th, 2011, 12:27 PM
It's one thing for an adult who's capable of making their own decisions to put possibly dangerous chemicals on their heads in the name of beauty, but it's another thing for a parent to do that to there child.

If you want to straighten or blow-dry your child's hair, fine, but when you start dying and perming there hair, that's when it becomes abnormal and even wrong to me. Just an opinion. My mom used to blow dry my hair every once in awhile, but that was usually in the winter time when she feared I'd get sick or something.:rolleyes:

Lostsoule77
November 26th, 2011, 12:38 PM
I don't know if it's normal or not. If it really is just for special occasions I don't think it's too bad as long as she is super careful. My mom used to curl my hair with curlers for holidays. She was a pretty natural woman. Just that dressing up for special occasions is pretty normal for everyone.

If this is gonna become a regular thing I don't think that is right. It would be sending the wrong message as well as damaging her daughter's hair and possibly burning her.

heidi w.
November 26th, 2011, 12:40 PM
Just last evening 20/20 did a piece on the early and over-sexualization of very young girls, from various primping practices in the salon, to tiara tots dressing like screen whores, and they did a bit on the clothing that's offered for the very little girl crowd.

While hair straightening may seem innocent, or even helpful if her mother doesn't know how to work with very curly hair, in my opinion teaching a 3 year old that their hair is essentially problematic and unacceptable somehow is not helpful to the development of the kid.

How I would love to do a thing on development of children for parents raising kids. So many parents seem not to understand the developmental phases. It's sad really.

I feel sorry for this kid, even IF she asked for it. I would've told her no in no uncertain terms.

3 year old hair is extremely fine and fluffy, typically. I can't imagine straightening it. Good Heavens!

Yes, sadly, this is the new normal it appears. These little girls are slaughtered via the media of how a girl/woman is supposed to look. Bass Ackwards if you ask me, and very sad.

heidi w.

Annibelle
November 26th, 2011, 12:41 PM
My friend has a 2-year-old daughter with gorgeous, fat blonde shoulder-length ringlets... and she straightens her hair. My friend also has naturally curly hair and straightens it daily... she hates her hair and doesn't hesitate to voice her opinion in front of her daughter, who has the exact same hair type. :( When I was a kid, I remember being told that my cousins were cuter because they had curly blonde hair and I had "boring" straight brown hair. The tables seem to have turned, but it's not better at all. It makes me sad. Anyone who says that they don't know how this can be damaging to a child has never been in that position. I still feel as though my parents love me less than they love my cousins simply because of my appearance. I'm a sensitive person, but I'm sure some other kids feel the same.

heidi w.
November 26th, 2011, 12:44 PM
Get them the book, Curly Girl. It may change their acceptance of their hair.

heidi w.

Annibelle
November 26th, 2011, 12:46 PM
Get them the book, Curly Girl. It may change their acceptance of their hair.

heidi w.

That's a great idea! :) I told my friend about LHC and the NaturallyCurly site, but she seemed totally uninterested. But she's a bored housewife and might actually read the book! :) I think I'll get it for her for Christmas. :)

Orangerthanred
November 26th, 2011, 12:59 PM
That isn't normal... that's crazy. Little kids usually have really pretty hair without doing a ton of crap to it.

Mitzy
November 26th, 2011, 01:03 PM
My twin daughters had between shoulder length and waist length hair the whole time they were growing up. I never used a flat iron or straightener on their hair, but I never used one on my own either, lol. I wish I knew then what I know now about caring for long hair to have passed it on to them! I did used to curl their hair with rag rollers and maybe I even used a blow dryer a time or two, I honestly can't remember. I am not sure how I feel about using a flat iron on young kids hair. I don't think the heat would be good for their hair and with a flat iron or heated curlers I would be scared to death I would burn the child.

ArienEllariel
November 26th, 2011, 01:05 PM
Goodness! I hope not. Children should look like children.. Not like they've been dolled up all the time. (perhapse once in a while straightening, etc. wouldn't be awful but I wouldn't do it personally)

Orangerthanred
November 26th, 2011, 01:08 PM
Goodness! I hope not. Children should look like children.. Not like they've been dolled up all the time. (perhapse once in a while straightening, etc. wouldn't be awful but I wouldn't do it personally)

Exactly. People shouldn't try to make their kids into mini adults. They are kids. They aren't expected to have perfect, pin straight hair or bouncy, uniform curls. They're expected to be kids.

Bianca
November 26th, 2011, 01:17 PM
Hmm... My mom always blowdries my little sisters hair. See nothing wrong in that. Its only to get it somewhat dry, and so she doesn't have to run around with wet hair. Its not to "doll" her up in any way:D She has TB lenght hair btw.

I do think its wrong to straighten kids hair though.

PrairieRose
November 26th, 2011, 01:18 PM
Just last evening 20/20 did a piece on the early and over-sexualization of very young girls, from various primping practices in the salon, to tiara tots dressing like screen whores, and they did a bit on the clothing that's offered for the very little girl crowd.

While hair straightening may seem innocent, or even helpful if her mother doesn't know how to work with very curly hair, in my opinion teaching a 3 year old that their hair is essentially problematic and unacceptable somehow is not helpful to the development of the kid.



heidi w.I absolutely agree with this. You have to be so careful with children. We need to build up their self esteem not make them feel they need to change! I also think it's very important for kids to be kids. They will grow up soon enough!

tori93
November 26th, 2011, 01:19 PM
i don't think it is normal, especially on a girl so young. I suppose it is not so bad if it is for special occasions though and maybe she likes it straightened.

When i was younger (aged 7+) i would get my mum to curl my with hair with curling tongues, but not often.

embee
November 26th, 2011, 01:31 PM
I find it sad. Although with all the advertisements, who knows what the kid has already seen and now asks for.

My mom was getting me perms at the salon when I was in grade school because "your hair is ugly". Thanks mom, way to go! She never let up on that theme either, it was that way until she died... unless my hair was carefully curled - then it was ok.

arrrgh... my hair was a FAIL in her book from my birth on. She often told me with dismay that I was born with red hair, how sad. Then she trimmed it when I was very tiny and all the curl got cut off never to return and my hair color gew in as "dirty blonde" straight stringy hair. Sometimes a mom just cannot win, you know. ;) She used to try to lighten it with some special shampoo, this was before I was in school. And she spent hours giving me "ringlets" or "sausage curls".... even taught me how to do it, in case I wanted to fix my own DD's hair (which I never did).

By the time I was 8 or so, she'd given up and cut my hair off in a little Dutch Boy cut with bangs. It was that way until I was a teen.... and then it was back to perms again.

I think she wanted to play "dolls".

Susana
November 26th, 2011, 01:31 PM
Is this a once in a while thing? Like for a wedding or a special occasion? If it is very infrequent I don't think that it will do much harm. Chemical straightening is totally different and it could cause health problems, so that is totally wrong. But I don't see anything wrong with straightening the hair with a straightener or blow dryer.

Some precautions need to be taken, of course. The hair should be allowed to air dry so as to minimize blow drying time and this should be done in a cool setting and away from the scalp. If straightening with a hair straightener, minize exposure time, cooler setting and always away from face.

I think we may be a bit harsh on the mom because here we are very interested in caring for the hair, maintaining it healthy and many of us growing it long. However, if the child doesnt have these goals and is happy getting made up "like mommy" once in a while, who cares? If she gets a few split ends, they can get trimmed.

As of the message of they are beautiful without straight hair, I think we are looking at it from a grown up perspective. A child will probably not think that she looks ugly with her normal hair, and she will just see this as dressing up, the same way they get made up for a party with dresses. Her mom might tell her she is beautiful just the way she is all the time :wink:

I never got my hair straightened as a kid or blow dried but I loved getting dressed up, still do, but that doesnt mean that I feel ugly in sweat pants because my mom put a pretty dress on me once in a while.

Hopefully, her mom lets her know that she is always beautiful, and if she doesn't, I hope you do :flower:

Mairéad
November 26th, 2011, 01:41 PM
I think it's normal to do a child's hair for say a special occasion. I remember my mother curling my hair for certain things like weddings and I see straightening as not much different in that context. Though, I have heard of people flat ironing their children's hair daily because they didn't want to deal with curly hair. That, I find wrong. With the breadth of knowledge the Internet has I think just about any parent can look up how to take care of curly hair as opposed to sending the message to young children that their hair is "unmanageable and difficult."

Coloring a young child's hair I find odd no matter how you spin it. I think 9 or 10 would be the youngest I could consider but my parents were personally extremely displeased when I colored my hair at 16!

Madora
November 26th, 2011, 01:51 PM
Wow I certainly hope it isn't becoming normal! And child's hair is more fragile than adult's hair, too, so I can only imagine what damage regular straightening would do.

I agree! Can you imagine how damaged that poor child's is going to be if straightening is done regularly?~!!! How can parents be so foolish?

Annibelle
November 26th, 2011, 01:55 PM
I agree! Can you imagine how damaged that poor child's is going to be if straightening is done regularly?~!!! How can parents be so foolish?

And the fact that some companies claim that straightening is actually GOOD for the hair doesn't help! :rolleyes:

mel88lem
November 26th, 2011, 02:04 PM
It's not normal, but it's probably going that way. I love to braid my three-year-old's hair, but she sees my braids and buns and wants that, too. We always compliment her inner beauty, not the beauty of her hair (or clothes, etc) so we're not concerned with sending her wrong signals on how to perceive herself. We don't dress up our hair often, but I do it for special occasions, just like I gve myself a little extra attention for special events.

What I and others have described like it is normal. But we have a couole in church with a three year old boy who has never been out without his hair styled (with product) and dressed to the nines (very trendy). That is normal for them and a lot of peoole. The kids see mom and dad getting ready, make-up, pomade in the hair, curling irons, and that is normal for them. Normal for us is no make-up, no fuss over hair/clothes as long as we're presentable.

lizdini
November 26th, 2011, 02:08 PM
I have a friend who straightens her daughter's hair occasionally. I think it's weird, but not really wrong.

Ice~Cold~Wind
November 26th, 2011, 02:09 PM
My friend has a 2-year-old daughter with gorgeous, fat blonde shoulder-length ringlets... and she straightens her hair. My friend also has naturally curly hair and straightens it daily... she hates her hair and doesn't hesitate to voice her opinion in front of her daughter, who has the exact same hair type. :( When I was a kid, I remember being told that my cousins were cuter because they had curly blonde hair and I had "boring" straight brown hair. The tables seem to have turned, but it's not better at all. It makes me sad. Anyone who says that they don't know how this can be damaging to a child has never been in that position. I still feel as though my parents love me less than they love my cousins simply because of my appearance. I'm a sensitive person, but I'm sure some other kids feel the same.

It seems that, alot of the time, people usually want straight hair if they have curly and vice versa. Why can't people love what they have and teach their children the same? I used to hate my hair as well. The attitude towards ones own type of hair(be it the curliest or stick-straight)can make all the diffference. I have wavy hair, and had always dreamed of straight hair. Being on LHC has made me love my hair and I no longer have the urge to straighten it. Of course I see no issue in styling ones hair as one wants simply for the pleasure of it.

As for young children being forced into changing their hair simply because their parents dislike the hair they were born with, what kind of message does that send? I doubt kids that young think of beauty in the way adults think of it.

I won't be perming a 2-year-old anytime soon.:shake:

Minxymoo
November 26th, 2011, 02:48 PM
My sister foolishly straightens my 5 year old nieces hair, she has beautiful blonde ringlets and baby fine strands. My Sister denies doing this regularly. I started to notice that her hair was getting lets ringlety and more flatter every time I saw her. Once she came up to me for a cuddle and I ran my fingers through her hair and sure enough there it was the "snap, crackle and pop" feeling. Her ends all like Velcro and covered in white spot :(

Yame
November 26th, 2011, 02:48 PM
My friend has a 2-year-old daughter with gorgeous, fat blonde shoulder-length ringlets... and she straightens her hair. My friend also has naturally curly hair and straightens it daily... she hates her hair and doesn't hesitate to voice her opinion in front of her daughter, who has the exact same hair type. :(

Wow... that is horrible!!!!

Yame
November 26th, 2011, 02:51 PM
I find it sad. Although with all the advertisements, who knows what the kid has already seen and now asks for.

My mom was getting me perms at the salon when I was in grade school because "your hair is ugly". Thanks mom, way to go! She never let up on that theme either, it was that way until she died... unless my hair was carefully curled - then it was ok.

arrrgh... my hair was a FAIL in her book from my birth on. She often told me with dismay that I was born with red hair, how sad. Then she trimmed it when I was very tiny and all the curl got cut off never to return and my hair color gew in as "dirty blonde" straight stringy hair. Sometimes a mom just cannot win, you know. ;) She used to try to lighten it with some special shampoo, this was before I was in school. And she spent hours giving me "ringlets" or "sausage curls".... even taught me how to do it, in case I wanted to fix my own DD's hair (which I never did).

By the time I was 8 or so, she'd given up and cut my hair off in a little Dutch Boy cut with bangs. It was that way until I was a teen.... and then it was back to perms again.

I think she wanted to play "dolls".

What the heck??? I don't understand how people can treat their children like that!

jacqueline101
November 26th, 2011, 03:01 PM
No its not normal and why would they do it. That's what I don't get. Its not beauty if its painful.

uptosomeone
November 26th, 2011, 03:15 PM
I don't think it's the "norm" to do that. Clips, ponytails, braids, etc. are normal, but heat on girls hair under seven or eight when they start caring isn't something I hear about often.

I did use heat and pomade (veeery tiny amounts) to style my 1.5 year old brother's hair for his baby pictures, but he was growing out from haircut that didn't looks so good! I wouldn't have touched his hair with anything besides water had it been haircut-free.

Ice~Cold~Wind
November 26th, 2011, 03:37 PM
My sister foolishly straightens my 5 year old nieces hair, she has beautiful blonde ringlets and baby fine strands. My Sister denies doing this regularly. I started to notice that her hair was getting lets ringlety and more flatter every time I saw her. Once she came up to me for a cuddle and I ran my fingers through her hair and sure enough there it was the "snap, crackle and pop" feeling. Her ends all like Velcro and covered in white spot :(

Yeesh. I cringed at your sound effects. :scared: That poor child.

Amber_Maiden
November 26th, 2011, 03:45 PM
To me, it's crazy to do anything unnatural to a kids hair. I flat out refuse to do anything to my kids hair. Ever. If they want to dye/straighten it/etc, it has to be their own money and they have to be older than 13. Period.

I find it so weird, but their are people in my extended family who do weird stuff to their kids hair, like curl or straighten it... nuts of you ask me...

Kristin
November 26th, 2011, 04:53 PM
At first I thought, Wow...that's crazy. But then I realized that my mom used to curl my hair and do my make-up for dance performances when I was a kid. And I think my hair was in sponge rollers almost every Saturday night so it would be curly for church on Sunday. I don't think she started this stuff when I was three, but still...it's pretty similar.

EDIT: To be fair, my grandmother used to set my mom's hair once a week as well, so I think she was simply doing the same. And I really enjoyed feeling like Shirley Temple. :)

HazyMoon
November 26th, 2011, 05:05 PM
I just find it weird, i cant understand doing it or wanting to do it for any reason lol. Im usually unshockable slz, but i admit this did shock me

This shocks me as well. I'm against making young girls into "women" before their time. I kinda feel like a flat iron goes into the "damage myself to look pretty" realm along with ear piercings. I once saw a father restrain his daughter in the mall so she would be pierced. :bigeyes: I feel like some things should wait.

I also get the impression that some parents just do what they would do to their own bodies, and they don't consider the after-effects.

Annibelle
November 26th, 2011, 05:07 PM
This shocks me as well. I'm against making young girls into "women" before their time. I kinda feel like a flat iron goes into the "damage myself to look pretty" realm along with ear piercings. I once saw a father restrain his daughter in the mall so she would be pierced. :bigeyes: I feel like some things should wait.

I also get the impression that some parents just do what they would do to their own bodies, and they don't consider the after-effects.

I agree!!! I don't think most parents are making a conscious effort to tell their kids they're not good enough; in fact, I think most of them see themselves as helping and pampering their kids. But just because they don't intend to harm their kids (physically or emotionally) doesn't mean it doesn't happen sometimes. :)

Egana
November 26th, 2011, 05:37 PM
I don't think there is any "moral wrong" or "moral right" to hair care, or styling, unless something is culturally linked (i.e. has some meaning beyond pretty, or different, or "special.") the issue comes down to WHY the adult is changing the child's appearance. In most situations, the parent means well. I cannot begin to guess motives of the parents simply by looking at the child. There are too many variables involved.

Having said all that, when my daughter was young, I let her hair grow natural, cut some bangs to keep it out of her face, and let her be in charge of it as soon as possible. Being rather poor, her clothes were from Salvation Army and Goodwill, and that kept up about 10 years behind the current "sexy girl" trends.

Once she began wanting to experiment, I helped with fun cuts and colors, but have kept things looking what I consider to be "age appropriate."

I guess what i am trying to say is that these standards and choices come out of my desires for her as a person to grow and understand herself, while also limiting how she might choose to express if I deem it "inappropriate."

But parenting is a highly subjective experience. One parent's "appropriate" is another's "too far!" And vice versa - "appropriate" for me might be considered "too conservative" by another. In a highly diverse culture, there is not consensus for hair, or clothing, or vocabulary, or sexuality, or health. it becomes increasingly difficult to appeal to "common sense" when there is less and less in common.

EvaSimone
November 26th, 2011, 05:45 PM
I was given an at home perm at I think 5 or so. I don't think it sent any message to me besides my aunt and mom wanted to play with my hair. :lol:

I don't think it's the end of the world that she straightened her daughter's hair and I don't think she's going to be sending her any message other than mommy wanted to play with her hair. :shrug: Sorry, just my :twocents:

Ice~Cold~Wind
November 26th, 2011, 05:46 PM
Very well said Egana. :)

LadyKate
November 26th, 2011, 07:13 PM
My fiance's niece has beautiful strawberry blonde ringlets, she's just turned three. The other day, she asked her mom to straighten her hair. (Mom straightens her own hair on work days because it's easier to put up, on off days she leaves it curly.) Her mom straightened it a little (she did it lightly, didn't straighten it fully). I wouldn't be a fan of her doing it all the time, but it was one time, and it was her own idea.

Nae
November 26th, 2011, 07:24 PM
Maybe for a wedding or a big party or something. I guess I put it in the same category as curling irons. It seems a little odd though because little girls usually have such fine hair already that it seems to be that curling is the way that people usually "do" their hair. Doing it everyday would seem a little insane to me (but I fully admit that I am not the sort of person to fuss over having my hair "done." A bun or a pony tail is about as far as it goes at my house.

Sunshineliz
November 26th, 2011, 08:11 PM
I was kind of wondering too...my 14-year-old niece wanted to play "makeover" with my little girls the other day and wanted to straighten their hair. I said no. (DD10 wants to grow her hair as long as possible and so is avoiding heat but probably would have let her cousin do it to be nice to her so I think she was glad I said no, and the others are 5 and 2 so no way--plus they also want uber-long hair.) What was sad to me is that she seemed to give up on the "having fun with hair" idea completely after I said that. I tried to encourage her to do other things--braids, etc. I don't think she had any idea how to style hair beyond straightening or curling.:(

Well, we had a "braiding party" after that and I braided everyone's hair who wanted it--including said niece. Maybe I can teach her how to braid her own hair. I've done a few styles on her before and she seemed to like it. I was also surprised to realize she'd dyed her hair already. I asked her and she said she just didn't like her hair color and had given her dark brown hair some red. I found it a little sad that she didn't like her hair the way that it was naturally. Honestly, I liked the real color better.

Kaelee
November 26th, 2011, 08:20 PM
My gram used to curl my hair (when I wanted her to) when I was little.

I don't think people should put chemicals on their kids heads. I am on the fence about saying it should be illegal before a certain age- the damage they could be doing (especially if there's a mishap) could well be permanent (this has nothing to do with self image). If the kid is too young to have a choice in the matter, I don't think it should be done. But people will still do it (and it might be better for them to do it in a salon then at home, at least the salon *should* know what they're doing.)

Mommyof4
November 26th, 2011, 08:20 PM
I don't think it's common, but there are much worse things to do than heat-style your child's hair. I CO wash my 3 1/2 year old daughter's hair, but she was in a huge wedding last week and I did curl her hair using a ceramic curling stick.**( After watching the wedding of Will and Kate, she constantly asks to have her silky straight hair loosely curled to look like "Princess Kate's) hair.**) If it's a special occasion, and your child wants a style in their own hair, I don't see anything wrong with styling it.

With the way parents are these days, there are thousands of kids who probably wish the "weirdest" or most "unsafe" thing their mom does is occasionally heat style their hair.

50 years ago, little girls had rag rollers in their hair every time they washed it, starting at less than a year old, if their hair was long enough. At least, according to my Gma born during WW2, that was part of hair care.

Mommyof4
November 26th, 2011, 08:23 PM
I was given an at home perm at I think 5 or so. I don't think it sent any message to me besides my aunt and mom wanted to play with my hair. :lol:

I don't think it's the end of the world that she straightened her daughter's hair and I don't think she's going to be sending her any message other than mommy wanted to play with her hair. :shrug: Sorry, just my :twocents:

Totally agree! You said it with more tact than I did lol!:D

BeccaAngel
November 26th, 2011, 08:30 PM
i think its not surprising but i think there should be an age limit for starting the more chemical like services to their hair. i wasn't doing much of anything to my hair till i was at least 15 or 16 but that's because i never cared too much about my looks till then and my mom never exposed me to anything but getting a haircut every now and then. when it comes to a parent's decision to do something like that, its to each their own. i just know when i have kids, all natural till they are at least 16. then if they ask me about it before hand or at the time, i will explain the risks of damage and help them understand what they are in for.

ibleedlipstick
November 26th, 2011, 08:42 PM
I don't see the problem with it. It is just hair. If the child was okay with it, I don't see an issue. I loved having my mum do my hair when we played dress up. It was for fun or special occasions, and my mum always told me I was beautiful no matter what. I think it is kind of sweet, actually.

MandyBeth
November 26th, 2011, 09:02 PM
J thinks it's fun to have straighter hair, but it's annoying because it gets in the way then. She goes from waist/hip curly to past classic wavy. For daily, she wants the curls. But for events, straight hair might happen for fun.

Bandia Rua
November 26th, 2011, 09:10 PM
I have seen lots of young boys around where I live with mohawks. That sort of surprised me. My sister in law straightened her daughters hair when she was little. I guess to each their own. I also see little girls around here (small town oklahoma) with hi-lights in there hair.

holothuroidea
November 26th, 2011, 09:20 PM
Whats wrong with a mom telling her daughter her hair is pretty after styling it? It's a natural thing, I doubt her mom told her that her hair wasn't pretty before.

There wouldn't be a problem with it if she grew up to live in a culture that embraced all forms of "pretty" but the fact of the matter is that she won't, and she will be judged on her appearance for the rest of her life and she needs to build the confidence to deal with that. If a parent puts a judgment on something the child does or has, even if it's just hair and even if it's positive, it sets a child up for fear of judgment in the future and can inhibit their ability to deal with judgment as adults.

If you don't have little girls of your own I can see why it wouldn't make sense to you, but a child's inner life is very different from an adult's or even an adolescent's. They internalize everything without question.

holothuroidea
November 26th, 2011, 09:24 PM
I don't see the problem with it. It is just hair. If the child was okay with it, I don't see an issue. I loved having my mum do my hair when we played dress up. It was for fun or special occasions, and my mum always told me I was beautiful no matter what. I think it is kind of sweet, actually.


Whoa. Whoa. Wait a minute. Please reevaluate that sentence and please, please and never repeat it. Millions and millions of children have been abused with this justification.

raehysteric
November 26th, 2011, 09:32 PM
I don't see straightening to be any different from other styling that parents always do to their kids, like braiding, curling, crimping. I would be concerned about the heat on such fragile hair though.

Whats wrong with a mom telling her daughter her hair is pretty after styling it? It's a natural thing, I doubt her mom told her that her hair wasn't pretty before.


Agreed. When I change my hairstyle I can think that it's pretty without disliking the way my hair usually looks like...


That depends on the personality of the child. And whether they naturally have higher self-esteem or not (and other factors, too.)

As a child, I would take it as my hair didn't look pretty before. My memory is REALLY bad, but I actually have some vague memories of this when I was three, so I know I took it rather harshly when someone said it like that. Even as an adult when someone tells me my hair looks pretty when I do it a different way, my gut reaction is to say "What, you mean you didn't like it before?"

Different kids have varying needs. You can't assume EVERY kid would naturally assume you meant that in a very nice way and that their hair is always pretty. Just like not every kid likes being hugged.

holothuroidea
November 26th, 2011, 09:38 PM
If my 3 year old asked to have her hair straightened and I had a flat iron I'd probably do it for her. I really don't think this would ever come up in my house because I don't own anything like that but I could see it happening to other moms who use flat irons.

ETA: I guess there is the argument that a parent would not want to damage the child's hair so they'd say no if the child asked. To that I say, If you don't want your 3 year old to have heat damage to their hair then don't do it to your own. A 2-3 year old is really good at wanting to do exactly everything that mom does. I might catch some flak for this but I'm going to call it hypocritical.

Back on topic: I don't think it's necessarily normal to do it in order to give a 3 year old a hair style or for novelty purposes. It bothers me when women play dress up with their little girls. I wouldn't go so far as to call someone who does that wrong. For me, personally, it feels wrong though.

AcornMystic
November 26th, 2011, 10:15 PM
Just last evening 20/20 did a piece on the early and over-sexualization of very young girls, from various primping practices in the salon, to tiara tots dressing like screen whores, and they did a bit on the clothing that's offered for the very little girl crowd.

While hair straightening may seem innocent, or even helpful if her mother doesn't know how to work with very curly hair, in my opinion teaching a 3 year old that their hair is essentially problematic and unacceptable somehow is not helpful to the development of the kid.

How I would love to do a thing on development of children for parents raising kids. So many parents seem not to understand the developmental phases. It's sad really.

I feel sorry for this kid, even IF she asked for it. I would've told her no in no uncertain terms.

3 year old hair is extremely fine and fluffy, typically. I can't imagine straightening it. Good Heavens!

Yes, sadly, this is the new normal it appears. These little girls are slaughtered via the media of how a girl/woman is supposed to look. Bass Ackwards if you ask me, and very sad.

heidi w.


I was going to type up a big post on the media and such in regards to this topic and how normal it is becoming. You summed my exact thoughts and I feel there is little left to add.

I just want to say this is where I stand and it makes me very sad what this world is coming to. We're reverting back to times when there was no childhood for our young.... *shakes head in disappointment*

ibleedlipstick
November 26th, 2011, 10:18 PM
Whoa. Whoa. Wait a minute. Please reevaluate that sentence and please, please and never repeat it. Millions and millions of children have been abused with this justification.

I meant it strictly in hair form. If the child was screaming and writhing away from the straightener, I would say this was a bad idea. However, if the child was happily sitting in the chair, waiting to have their hair done like mommy's, I don't see the issue. I loved having my hair done at a salon when I was little. My sister hated it. For me, it was a great thing. For her, misery.

Straightening a child's hair usually isn't abuse. A child is a small human. They know some of their likes and dislikes, and others are yet to be formed. They know if they like their hair done or not, therefore their consent plays an enormous part.

CurlyCap
November 26th, 2011, 10:45 PM
There's a lot of discussion out there about this, but I think straightening a kids hair is more common in the black community. Most of my friends had their first perm around 1st grade, and had hot combs (or nowadays flat irons) applied for special occasions as soon as the little girl could sit still. Lots of people have stories about learning to sit still because otherwise the comb would catch their ears for forehead. It boggles me a little because my parents liked my curly hair although they had no idea what to do with it. But I'm slowly learning that for a lot of brown-skinned, curly girls, they get indoctrinated young to straighten their hair. They're parents weren't cruel or anything like that. They just wanted their little girls to look their best, and in US culture, straighter is better.

So some communities do start changing a kids hair early. Personally, I think we're starting to see it more in the straight hair communities because it's easier to straighten hair at home now. A flat iron is more understandable and accessible to a parent than a hot comb is. And a parent may think it a flat iron is safer than a literal piece of iron that was just pulled out of the oven. :D


I remember being shocked in college when I found out that most "straight-haired" girls actually flat iron their hair. I thought their hair grew like that!

allio21
November 26th, 2011, 10:56 PM
The life of a young child should be pure. And heat and using products in their hair might seem like a small thing but it still applies.

julliams
November 26th, 2011, 11:56 PM
I'm a teacher and I do notice from time to time that some young children come to school with their hair straightened.

I have a dear friend who bought her 4 year old a barrel curing iron for her birthday - yes a $150 iron from one of those kiosks at the mall.

I also remember one little kindergarten girl who's mother used to dye her hair - I think it was streaked or bleached or something to make it look blonder so it matched hers (dark hair on her daughter would give away that she wasn't a natural blonde or something???? I don't know. Or maybe the little girl wanted to try out mummy's hair colour???)

I guess it is hair and it's fun to play with. It could be seen as bonding time between the two of them.

holothuroidea
November 27th, 2011, 09:49 AM
I meant it strictly in hair form. If the child was screaming and writhing away from the straightener, I would say this was a bad idea. However, if the child was happily sitting in the chair, waiting to have their hair done like mommy's, I don't see the issue. I loved having my hair done at a salon when I was little. My sister hated it. For me, it was a great thing. For her, misery.

Straightening a child's hair usually isn't abuse. A child is a small human. They know some of their likes and dislikes, and others are yet to be formed. They know if they like their hair done or not, therefore their consent plays an enormous part.

I don't care if you meant it just in relation to hair. I don't care if you meant it in relation to cheese. It is still very offensive to me.

No, I don't believe that straightening a little girls hair is necessarily abusive. I said before that if my 3 year old asked I would do it. That is beside the point. My point is that the sentence, "If the child was okay with it, I don't see the issue," leads down a VERY slippery slope and I just want you to really think about what it means and whether or not it is okay to say something like that.

I don't know if you have young children. I hope that if/when you do, you understand how complicated the issue of consent can really be.

chelshireling
November 27th, 2011, 10:02 AM
I think this is a terrible, terrible idea. As someone with curly hair who hated it and thought it needed to be straightened in order to be pretty for some time, I can only imagine the kinds of messages that are being sent to a girl this young. The fact that she may 'like it' or prefer her hair this way s even more disturbing because, since when do three year olds have serious opinions on style. I know most children so like to wear certain things but, being that young and already knowing your prefer straight hair to naturally curl hair seems very excessive. Thier doesn't need to be that much emphasis on a little girls appearance.

holothuroidea
November 27th, 2011, 10:15 AM
@chelshireling- I mostly agree with you. I think, however, that what you said is more relevant to girls age 5-8. A 2-3 year old will model their Mom's behavior and if Mom pays an inordinate amount of attention to their appearance, they will as well. I don't think it's actually a preference or consent, it's more of just wanting to be like Mom.

auroraclio
November 27th, 2011, 06:50 PM
I see no harm, my daughter who is almost 7 has crazy thick hair, and most nights it's still damp from a bath when she goes to bed. (It takes 2+ hours to dry) It's currently between chin and shoulder length and when she wakes up in the mornings it's crazy poof ball. Sometimes if we have time in the mornings I will use my flat iron on the back to tame it down.

She has more recently started to care about how she looks and I don't mind taming her hair if it makes her feel pretty going to school in the mornings.

I don't see a the big deal actually, my Mom used to occasionally curl my hair when I was younger and I felt special afterwards.

PixxieStix
November 27th, 2011, 07:33 PM
I do not believe it is "normal", or acceptable to make it a part of a little girls routine, but for a special occasion I cannot see the harm. I remember asking my mother when I was 4-5 or so to curl my bangs in the big 80's style because I thought it looked so pretty, so she did it for me the day we went to get our family photos done, and I was happy as could be, but when the bangs weren't curled the next day, couldn't care less.

pinupdancer
November 27th, 2011, 08:05 PM
Whether or not it is "normal", I cannot say. Heat styling, dying, etc is normal in certain areas and cultures. Has anyone seen the documentary "Good Hair"?

I personally would never dye or heat style my child's hair, but that's just me. I was born in the 80's and I have pictures of me with my hair crimped and fried when I was about 4. I do not remember it, but I'm pretty sure it was the work of my oldest sister. lol Aside from that my hair was always pampered until I was about 13. I think in some cases it's just the family members wanting to play with hair, or the child wants to look like a family member. :shrug:

Anywhere
November 27th, 2011, 08:32 PM
I hope it's not normal. Children are work, and IMO spending time straightening it is about the same time it would take to comb some product into it and letting it air dry curly, or just wet/damp braiding it after combing in some leave in conditioner.

What happens when she goes swimming with friends some day, or plays under a sprinkler? Her hair will curl up and she will have no idea how to deal with it until she gets home. Kids (well, me as a kid) like to play in the rain and swim and run under sprinklers and hoses.



And as to the "my mom told me my hair was pretty" little girl. My mom tells me my hair is pretty when it's straight, and the way she says it suggests that she thinks it's ugly natural. It's not always harmless, in this case it probably caused no harm, but its not always like that. :shrug:

Helix
November 27th, 2011, 10:19 PM
I don't know if this is common, but I know a woman who dyed her kids hair blonde to match her dye job. I'd always thought that was their natural hair color until one day the kids came over with their older sister, (at the time they were 3 and 5), and I could clearly see a stark contrast at the demarcation line between the 2+ inches of naturally brown roots and the bottle-blonde hair. I was only 14 at the time but my initial thoughts were along the lines of...

http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e18/Deedlit50/Gifs/othstu.gif

I didn't say anything to their mom about it because I didn't want any trouble...but they were waaay too young for dye jobs, (just my personal opinion).

racrane
November 27th, 2011, 11:27 PM
My mom never did my hair, period. She couldn't even do a basic ponytail. (Which is why I came here to find pretty styles :D ) So I had a relatively normal hair experience, I suppose. Which is why I think it's important not to push our ideas of beauty onto little kids, hair included.

I did see a grandma blow drying her child's hair (she was about 3 or 4) at the gym in the ladies' dressing room today. But it was very cold - blow drying in winter is normal around here. But curling, dying or straightening - damaging for little kids in more ways than one.

bettylibertine
November 27th, 2011, 11:58 PM
I find that quite sad. Like others, I can totally understand the blowdrying if their hair is dripping wet and it's cold.
ETA: For me I think it's the fact that she's so young - perhaps on an older child for a special occasion (if they asked for it).

Baby
November 28th, 2011, 12:40 AM
Whats wrong with a mom telling her daughter her hair is pretty after styling it? It's a natural thing, I doubt her mom told her that her hair wasn't pretty before.

I see a risk with telling children that they are pretty, especially girls because they hear it all the time. If they do hear it all the time they will think it is important, and they will think it is an external thing, fix this and that and you will be pretty. They will start to care about it and that is where eating disorders, bdd and plastic surgery addiction comes from.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6wJl37N9C0&feature=player_embedded

[This, this is about my own some-day daughter. When you approach me, already stung-stayed with insecurity, begging, “Mom, will I be pretty? Will I be pretty? , ” I will wipe that question from your mouth like cheap lipstick and answer NO!

The word pretty is unworthy of everything you will be, and no child of mine will be contained in five letters. You will be pretty intelligent, pretty creative, pretty amazing, but you will never be merely “pretty.” ]

ArienEllariel
November 28th, 2011, 12:50 AM
I see a risk with telling children that they are pretty, especially girls because they hear it all the time. If they do hear it all the time they will think it is important, and they will think it is an external thing, fix this and that and you will be pretty. They will start to care about it and that is where eating disorders, bdd and plastic surgery addiction comes from.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6wJl37N9C0&feature=player_embedded

[This, this is about my own some-day daughter. When you approach me, already stung-stayed with insecurity, begging, “Mom, will I be pretty? Will I be pretty? , ” I will wipe that question from your mouth like cheap lipstick and answer NO!

The word pretty is unworthy of everything you will be, and no child of mine will be contained in five letters. You will be pretty intelligent, pretty creative, pretty amazing, but you will never be merely “pretty.” ]

Or worse, you live in a family where your father tells your sister that she's pretty but never tells you that. Whatever you do, never pick and choose between your children.. I still feel a little insecure about my looks because I never got positive attention from my dad (on the other hand, he has't really said anything particularly negative either, at least not on purpose).

pepperminttea
November 28th, 2011, 02:47 AM
I find it rather depressing to be honest, to nail in that awful idea that your beautiful, human self isn't good enough, especially to a child. I don't spend enough time with young children/their mothers to know if it's normal, but I hope not.

cheetahfast
November 28th, 2011, 04:00 AM
When I was in high school a girl told me she used a curling iron on her dogs fur. She wanted it to look like Jessica Simpson's dog. Nothing surprises me anymore. She did it pretty often and said she accidentally burned him a few times. IMO that's abuse. Poor dog.

Also my mother permed my hair when I was younger, maybe 1st or 2nd grade. I didn't ask for it, but I also didn't say I didn't want it. She did bribe me by letting me stay up late and watch the Brady Bunch and Gilligan's Island. I didn't want another after that and we never did it again, though my hair has been curly ever since. I think that my hair would have started to curl anyways, my dad's hair is very very curly.

BeatlesFanGirl
November 28th, 2011, 04:56 AM
Wether it's accepted or not IMO a kid's hair should NOT be dyed/curled/ironed.

naturegirl321
November 28th, 2011, 05:33 AM
It depends on the culture. Here in Korea, I've seen kids who could barely walk with dyed hair and perms. You should see what they do to the dogs!

MandyBeth
November 28th, 2011, 08:36 AM
Well, from the mermaid dye thread, I was tempted to redo my ends in purple. J - who is 6 - wanted that also. CPS doesn't care, it's Manic Panic, and I didn't dye anything above where she's willing to cut minus 3 inches. I slathered her hair in oil/shea butter, put it in braids with long tassels and colored the tassels. It shows ok on her very dark hair, her hair is pretty damaged and faded from that, so the ends are pretty bright then it fades into her hair color. She's got 4" of hair when curly dyed. She likes it, it'll wash out in a few weeks.

Benefit being that her ends now feel BETTER than the rest of her hair. So it's a temporary, fun thing that doesn't cause more damage. I don't see a problem with it.

Alaia
November 28th, 2011, 08:37 AM
My mother always used to blow dry my hair, but she never straightened it. She doesn't know how to use straighteners because both our hair is very straight anyway.

I find it very weird but not surprising that all these little girls are having all this stuff done to their hair. I remember the last time I was surprised at anything kids were wearing / having done to them was when I saw a less-than-a-year old wearing a piece of clothing that had a slogan about a Sugar Daddy on it. Oh and when I saw on a TV show about the "adultness" of children's clothes that these little girls would go for T shirts with slogans and glitter because "Slogans are cool" even if the slogan was rude and obscene, something that not even an adult would wear.

Anyway. I feel bad about all this gorgeous kids' hair that's being ruined...

Sunshineliz
November 28th, 2011, 09:12 AM
I see nothing wrong with telling a little girl she's pretty--IF they get just as much time or more being told about other wonderful things about themselves. If the main thing they always hear is that they're pretty (or not pretty:() then they'll come to think that is all that is important.

I would find myself telling my kids' they're pretty or cute (I don't know why--gut reaction I guess because they ARE really pretty and cute, or because I was self-conscious about it as a kid:shrug:) but then I try to make sure I told them something much more important about themselves. Something like--but one of my FAVORITE things about you is that you draw well, or you're so helpful, you make up great stories, etc.

One of my younger sisters used to tell me when I had my oldest child that I shouldn't tell her she's pretty and talented etc because then she'd grow up to be a snob. I told her no way, she IS pretty and talented, and I want her to know that. As long as she knows lots of other people are pretty and talented too, and that being kind was much more important. Seems to have worked so far, she's ten and one of the sweetest, nicest, most humble girl her age I know. (Yes, yes, I know I'm her mom, but plenty of other people have told me that too.) Trying to do the same for all the kids of course.

lapushka
November 28th, 2011, 09:12 AM
I was surprised again this morning to find out my sister in law had straightened her daughters hair (who will be 3 next March)

I think she has only done this a couple of times, the first time a few weeks ago. But i find it really strange. No one else seems to think its awful or strange, except me and the boyfriend.

I mean, i have also found it odd they have always blow dried her hair too. Im sure my hair used to dry really quickly at that age anyway!

So yeah is this getting to be normal practice nowadays? She doesnt do it often, like i said its only been twice to my knowledge, just for a novelty/special occasion.

TBH I think 3 is a little young for this sort of thing, *and* to be doing it for any occasion that's deemed a little special. My mom styled my hair for special occasions too (like my Holy Communion), but those were really major occasions and I was at least 6 at the time.

ladonna
November 28th, 2011, 11:53 AM
I have straightened my 3 year old curly hair to see how long it was, with a blow dryer. I've seen little preschool aged kids with died highlight's and colored extension's, wearing high hel's etc. This is the reason my 7 year old DD and I got in a fight the other day, she want's blond hair and high heel's, I just want her to be a little girl and have appropiate hair and clothes. I did compromise on the shoes and told her she could have a pair as long as the heel was thick.

dili
November 28th, 2011, 12:19 PM
my maid put chemical to straight her 3 years old baby hair, and it had formol!
i got so shocked, she is so small and such a dangerous chemical! the product she used is not even legal for any age.
and her baby hair falled a lot and got bald spots
poor baby

Carolyn
November 28th, 2011, 02:56 PM
I don't think straightening or using a curling iron for a special occasion on a child's hair is wrong in the least or a big deal at all :shrug: I also don't think it sends the wrong message. Again :shrug:

My mom permed my hair at least once and sometimes twice a year when I was a child. I didn't enjoy it but I don't recall protesting. I knew protesting it wasn't going to help. I accepted it. I wasn't told my hair was ugly. I was told it didn't hold a curl so I needed a perm. My mom never liked straight hair on anyone. It didn't fry or damage my hair that I can remember. I wasn't harmed by it in any way. My mom would wash and set my hair in pin curls on Saturday afternoon. There was a stretchy wide band that was tied over the pin curls so I could sleep on it. My hair was washed and set once a week my almost my whole childhood as far as I can remember. I don't think she did the pin curl thing in the summer but maybe she did. It was something that I accepted. It was not harmful. I don't see that straighteners or curling irons are any different. So what if the hair gets damaged? It will grow out. The child will grow up and make her own decisions :shrug: Looking back I guess it was mom and daughter time even if I wasn't all that thrilled with it. A pixie cut would have been much more horrible.

Kaelee
November 28th, 2011, 03:06 PM
Well, from the mermaid dye thread, I was tempted to redo my ends in purple. J - who is 6 - wanted that also. CPS doesn't care, it's Manic Panic, and I didn't dye anything above where she's willing to cut minus 3 inches. I slathered her hair in oil/shea butter, put it in braids with long tassels and colored the tassels. It shows ok on her very dark hair, her hair is pretty damaged and faded from that, so the ends are pretty bright then it fades into her hair color. She's got 4" of hair when curly dyed. She likes it, it'll wash out in a few weeks.

Benefit being that her ends now feel BETTER than the rest of her hair. So it's a temporary, fun thing that doesn't cause more damage. I don't see a problem with it.

But she WANTED that done and also, manic panic isn't dangerous. It's not like the chemicals that can cause lifelong damage to someone. The worst she'll get is a few odd looks an comments at school and have to cut her hair. It's not going to burn her scalp or cause a severe reaction that alters the rest of her life.

Egana
December 4th, 2011, 09:48 AM
Very well said Egana. :)

Thank you... *grin* hair is so complicated, but then so is the rest of life, right?

blondie9912
December 4th, 2011, 09:50 AM
I don't really think it's THAT strange. On the other hand, she is a little on the young side for flat-ironing. I completely understand the blowdrying, however, because you don't want your child to walk around with sopping wet hair in the winter-time.

If she were older, I think flatironing/curling her hair for special occasions would be completely fine. I have an 8 year old cousin and she absolutely ADORES when I curl her hair, I do it about twice a year.