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EvilPigeon
July 7th, 2008, 10:20 PM
I just ended a very abusive relationship that lasted for about a year and a half. It doesn't sound like that long, but it was way too long for my sanity. My ex has been harassing me lately,even after the breakup...I have been going completely insane and doing alot of stupid and unspeakable things. So the other day when I was at a salon watching my sister get her haircut, I decided to cut off my waistlength hair. The shortest part is right above where my shoulders start and the longest part is about an inch past my collar bone.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?! :wail:

The only good I can think of is the fact that the last 6 inches or so of my hair was damaged(but no too badly damaged) from bleaching it a few years ago. *sigh*

I make such bad decisions.

The main thought that was running through my head was, "My ex never wanted me to have short hair. So I'm going to do it."

Now I really wish I hadn't. I can't do ANYTHING with it, besides pull it into a very stubby pathetic pony tail. :(

SHELIAANN1969
July 7th, 2008, 10:24 PM
We all make mistakes, first off, dont be too hard on yourself, and realize that you can care for your hair and be happy as it grows back.

DecafJane
July 7th, 2008, 10:25 PM
I'm sorry you are going through this. I can understand it, though. I went through a very rough patch last year and got a super-short pixie, and am just back to roughly where you are now.

Here are some things that I can manage with my length - mainly twists (french twist, twisted pony), sock buns, and the good old pony-tail. If your hair is all the same length, you should be able to manage a bit of a french braid or something, also.

What is done is done, even though I am sure you will be regretting it for a while. Take care!

EvaSimone
July 7th, 2008, 10:28 PM
:grouphug: I am sorry that you were so stressed that you cut your hair.

On the bright side the damaged hair has been cut off and it will grow back before you know it and probably in better condition.

Also maybe you needed to do this and just get it and get him out of your system, even though you regret it now it might have provided some catharsis.

I hope everything gets better for you, I really do. :flower:

wintersun99
July 7th, 2008, 10:35 PM
sorry this happened. :grouphug:

blondecat
July 7th, 2008, 10:37 PM
<<<<<hugs>>>>>>>>

katiana
July 7th, 2008, 10:41 PM
We all have done things drastic in times of hardships..I have always done the same, gone and cut my hair..sometimes change feels good..in this situation, you cut your hair after being in an abusive relationship, I am happy that you have got out..good for you..I understand how scary it can be..we lost my sister to an abusive boyfriend...it was the most earth shattering experience I have ever felt in my life..
Do not be too hard on yourself..your hair will grow..:grouphug:

missmanytoes
July 7th, 2008, 10:44 PM
1st , I *love* the color of your hair! Gorgeous stuff! And all the new stuff will grow back in good condition! Yay!
2nd, you absolutely have the right to declare your independence from an abusive ex
3rd, this is potentially a very dangerous time for you. Please, please, please keep your wits around you and be aware of your surroundings. One of the most dangerous times for a woman in an abusive relationship is when she tries to end it.
4th, you might consider a self defense class and a counselor - it worked for me.

akurah
July 7th, 2008, 11:05 PM
:grouphug: I am sorry that you were so stressed that you cut your hair.

On the bright side the damaged hair has been cut off and it will grow back before you know it and probably in better condition.

Also maybe you needed to do this and just get it and get him out of your system, even though you regret it now it might have provided some catharsis.

I hope everything gets better for you, I really do. :flower:

For some reason I always thought EvilPigeon's ex was a girl...?

Angellen
July 7th, 2008, 11:09 PM
Oh, you poor dear. :grouphug: Don't be too hard on yourself. These things happen. Sometimes we lose sight of what's important to us, and sometimes we make a mistake. Think of this as a new beginning to try something fresh, and to enjoy your healthier hair.

I've never noticed it myself, but I've heard that after it's been cut, hair sometimes races back to where it was prior. I think spidermom has some experience with this. Your hair might be back before you know it. :)

Anyway, just take a minute to sit up straight, close your eyes, and breathe deeply. As my grandmother tells me when things get tough, this too will pass.

GlennaGirl
July 7th, 2008, 11:20 PM
I just wanted to offer big hugs to you and tell you I'm thinking of you.

Darian Moone
July 7th, 2008, 11:49 PM
I've been there and done that too - both the haircut(s) and the abusive relationships in my past. More important than the hair though is that you got that abusive man out of your life!

In a positive spin, your hair can now grow back without the damage on the ends and growing it back healthy can be just one part of starting to really care for and about yourself and nurture yourself the way you deserve. ((((HUGS)))) I'm sorry you had to go through such a traumatic relationship.

Poetic
July 8th, 2008, 01:51 AM
First and most important, you got out of the relationship.:cheese: As for the hair, think of it not as some bad decision, but rather a symbol of your newly found independence. Allow yourself to feel what surely should be pride, embrace the feeling, remember it . . . as you watch each individual strand crawl its way back down your back.

Just think every time you look at your hair from henceforth, you can remember how strong you are . . . strong for getting out of the relationship, for moving on with your life.

Katze
July 8th, 2008, 02:10 AM
great advice here. You are done with that creep, and that's what's important. Hopefully, you've learned something from it, too. :flower:

Many people chop off their hair to get rid of old energy after a breakup; both my sister and my best friend have done this, and felt liberated and cleansed. Maybe this can be part of your journey towards health and sanity?

I am very sorry to hear you are going through this but hope that you move on with strength and grace.

peace

Katze

FrannyG
July 8th, 2008, 05:17 AM
I'm sorry that you've gone through this mess. I think there are many of us here who have cut our hair for emotional reasons in the past, including me. Try to look at it as a new start for a new abuse-free life. Please just focus on the fact that you are well and truly out of a bad situation.

Your hair will grow back. It really will. Perhaps you can baby your new growth with your mad LHC skills and it will grow back better than ever.

I wish you well in your new freedom. :flowers:

Unofficial_Rose
July 8th, 2008, 05:58 AM
As everyone else has said, the important thing was to free yourself from this man.

Sorry about hair - I've chopped all mine a few times because of emotional distress too.

On the positive side: apparently (someone may correct me here) there is a Chinese superstition that hair holds energy and cutting off the hair grown during this time may rid you of the bad energy/emotions. Hope so :flower:

VanillaTresses
July 8th, 2008, 06:00 AM
I think that many of us go through extremely stressful times where we deal with expressing things through our hair. About 3 years ago I went through such a stressful time and I ended up cutting my hair several times and eventually shaving it off myself. I cannot express the stress that I was under and in fact I don't think that "looking back" with hindsight I can even remember what exactly I was going through or even thinking at the time. All I remember is that "it was just something that I had to do." Maybe to get through your own stress, this was just something that you "had to do." Maybe you needed an outward expression of your stress- and the cut was a way to do that.

The best news is that hair does grow back relatively fast.

snowbird
July 8th, 2008, 06:04 AM
Oh! :hugs:

I know how hard it is to get out of an abusive relationship. What is most important is taking care of yourself, and allowing youself to make mistakes and have bad days. Look on the good side- you have had a lot of drastic change lately, which can always be made for the better!! Having a new look might help you to feel like you're in a new phase of life, one without him-or anyone who abuses you for that matter. You are still beautiful.

vidgrl007
July 8th, 2008, 06:14 AM
I just wanted to say I 'm glad you got out of the abusive relationship(hugs).your hair will grow back so dont be to hard on yourself.

lora410
July 8th, 2008, 06:19 AM
It's more important you got out of an abusive relationship. Remember hair will grow back! :grouphug:

angelthadiva
July 8th, 2008, 06:32 AM
I think your hair rocks--At any length!! :D

I think we've all been there and done that with making emotional decisions...Count me in, too! Next time, you feel like you might do something drastic that you might later regret...

1. Invoke the 2 week rule.
2. Post and ask for support.

Happy hair day wishes from me to you! :flower:

FrannyG
July 8th, 2008, 06:41 AM
As everyone else has said, the important thing was to free yourself from this man.

Sorry about hair - I've chopped all mine a few times because of emotional distress too.

On the positive side: apparently (someone may correct me here) there is a Chinese superstition that hair holds energy and cutting off the hair grown during this time may rid you of the bad energy/emotions. Hope so :flower:

It's not just Chinese superstition. It is a thought in many spiritual cultures. I myself did purposely cut off every bit of hair that had been on my head during a really difficult and traumatic time in my life. It wasn't emotional cutting at all. I waited until my new growth was long enough, and then I had every inch of that "bad" hair removed (cut off) for spiritual reasons.

I was left with a lip-length bob, but it grew back quickly and easily, and I never, ever regretted that.

BlackfootHair
July 8th, 2008, 07:02 AM
Native Americans would cut their hair in times of mourning a loved one's death. I've shaved my head during a stressful time in my life. I was under a lot of stress and kept coloring my hair...once a week. Sometimes more. My hair was yucky. I felt so liberated after I shaved it!

I know you are mourning your waist length hair, and it feels really short to you now, but imagine having hair as short as me, then your length...yeah, your hair is a ton longer than mine!! I wish my hair was as long as yours!!

I don't know about you, but when I'm having a rough time, I LOVE chocolate!! It's a scientific fact it makes your brain produce endorphins! Same with exercise...although, I prefer the chocolate...it's a lot more fun. And if you like coffee, those mocha frappachinos from Starbucks are a double whammy of warm fuzzies in a cup! :D :puppy:

Fee
July 8th, 2008, 07:03 AM
You have lovely hair, I also had a terrible relationship and it was a struggle getting away from him, after that ended I cut bangs (still growing out), I know it's not the same as your cut, but I understand what you are going through and wish you all the best and that you get through this as soon as possible :flowers: and hey don't worry so much about the hair, it will grow back and be even more beautiful ;)

WaimeaWahine
July 8th, 2008, 07:19 AM
Having been in an abusive relationship complete with stalking...

I'm deeply saddened to hear about your situation and the loss of your tresses.

That's common in controlling relationships - they want you to have long hair and you perhaps cut it off to regain some control and assert yourself.

Please take care of yourself and realize that you (hair included) are not at fault. I hope you are able to find the strength and support to get this person out of your life once and for all. You are not alone.

thankyousir74
July 8th, 2008, 07:34 AM
You have very nicely colored hair, and i just hope he never bothers you again.

At least its comforting to know that hair grows back, and now with your being careful, in good condition.

Besides it'll be growing before you know it :D

:magic:

Fireweed
July 8th, 2008, 08:37 AM
You did what you had to do to move out of the relationship. Now, you can start a new and grow your hair to the floor if you want to.

lapushka
July 8th, 2008, 08:45 AM
Please take care of yourself and realize that you (hair included) are not at fault. I hope you are able to find the strength and support to get this person out of your life once and for all. You are not alone.

I so agree with this.

You feel bad now, but at the same time, how uplifting must it be to grow your hair right back, from scratch, your life, your terms now. You go girl!

crebbsgirl
July 8th, 2008, 08:57 AM
I agree with everyone posting before me. you did what you thought was best at the time. Hair does grow back. ( I know it's cliche, but an important fact to remember ). After a particularly bad relationship, I bleached my hair at home and ended up with pylon-orange results. Not an attractive look, I can tell you. I'm sending all my best vibes your way and like others said before, at least now it can grow in healthier with the damage cut off. Remember - you're a rockstar.

Lots of hugs.

UP Lisa
July 8th, 2008, 10:23 AM
The important thing is that you got out of the relationship. Congratulations on that!

embee
July 8th, 2008, 10:35 AM
Your hair will grow, it will be new and clean. :) Fresh start.

Protect yourself. Breaking up can be dangerous - especially from an abuser. Pay attention.

Hugs.

Ohio Sky
July 8th, 2008, 10:44 AM
Im so sorry to hear that youve cut your hair, and that youve had to deal with this relationship.

It doesnt matter how long the relationship is, it seems like an eternity when everyday is hell. Most of us know this feeling all too well. Just remember that youre not alone, and that you cant blame yourself for any of this.

I always do things to try to change up my life when Im stressed out too, but thankfully Ive avoided cutting my hair so far. I usually take up a new hobby, or rearrange the furniture, or go on a cleaning spree.

These things are therapeutic in their own way, because its a way to reestablish the fact that YOU have control over your life. Never let anyone take that away from you.

Please take a bit of advice- if this person is harrassing you, CALL THE POLICE. Dont think they will just go away, if they start harrassing you it will probably go on for a while, and one day it will go too far and the police wont believe you when you say that theyve been doing this for a long time becaue none of it was documented. Even if its an information only report, document everything.

Take care of yourself, and be safe.

Darkhorse1
July 8th, 2008, 11:19 AM
Congrats to you for getting out of an abusive relationship!!

Look at this hair cut as liberating---this is a 'new do for a new you'! Your hair will grow, and it looks lovely in your photo. :)

There are things you can do with your ponytail--get some pretty silk scarves and put them into your hair/ponytail to create length! It'll look pretty and you will feel like you have long tresses. Before long, you will have played with many hair styles and found one that works for each length. :)

I believe there is a reason for everything, so don't look at this as a 'stupid' thing. Look at it as a new start to a new you. :)

Fencai
July 8th, 2008, 11:24 AM
Im sorry that you are going through this, but am very happy that you are out of a bad relationship!

Just look at it as a new start, and that as you make progress in a new life, your hair will grow and heal with you!
:blossom:

bunnii
July 8th, 2008, 11:40 AM
firstly well done for getting rid of him! my father (whom I refuse to have contact with) was very abusive to my mother and I know how hard it can be to get out of a bad situation :flowers:

secondly, your hair will grow back, and as others have said try to look at it as getting rid of the old and starting fresh. If you did have some damage this cut will certainly get rid of it. Also little pony tails can look very cute IMO and pigtails too :D also the henna looks gorgeous.

And Ihio Sky could have a point with regards to calling the police, If he's harrasing you then that's illegal! I wish you the best of luck in the future and I will be thinking of you :agree:

Anje
July 8th, 2008, 12:03 PM
Hugs, EvilPigeon.

First of all, congratulations on ending the relationship. Taking care of yourself in situations like this seems like it's always the first and hardest step.

I imagine you cut because you felt like there were many things in your life that felt out of control, but you can control your appearance, and nothing more easily than how short your hair is.

Consider it a fresh start for yourself and for your hair. You now have lots of healthy ends to start growing with, and you are in a better place, relationship-wise. Both are probably still unpleasant now, but if you take care it will only get better from here.

ETA: If the harassment gets to be more than you care to put up with, or if your gut tells you it might turn violent, don't hesitate to go to a shelter and/or get a restraining order placed on your ex. As always, take care of yourself.

SweetPea88
July 8th, 2008, 12:25 PM
You've gotten some great advice here and I just wanted to offer my support and send hugs your way! I'm so glad you had the courage to leave a bad relationship! :grouphug:

Patrycja
July 8th, 2008, 12:32 PM
I am very proud of you for getting out of that horrible situation :grouphug: Like so many others on this thread have commented-hair will grow back(but only if YOU want your hair long)Do it for yourself this time and make sure that you are happy.Please don't stop coming here,you know there are many short hairs here that come here for friendships and healthy haircare(I am one of them haha)Be strong!

MissHair
July 8th, 2008, 12:35 PM
I had hip lenght hair when I cut my hair with a nervous breakdown infront of my mirror, I cut it shoulder/jaw lenght. It happens to all of us...... All I can say is: its gonna grow back *hugs*.

Peggy E.
July 8th, 2008, 12:39 PM
I'm so sorry you're suffering through this decision, borne from the dismissal of an ugly relationship.

Sometimes when we're going through situations over which we feel we have so little control, we'll do something drastic simply to prove to ourselves that we do have a say in what happens to us, even if it is an act we regret the instant it's completed.

Your ex- apparently liked your long hair, so you took it away from him, while also showing him that his opinion and control over you no longer matter. Sadly, you realized a little late that this was also going to be something you would be living with for quite a long period of time. But not forever.

We do so many things in this life that we wish we hadn't; it's when we take the lessons, the consequences, away with us, from which we build maturity. You've proven yourself a strong young woman in breaking away from a relationship which was harmful to you. In the scheme of things in this life you'll lead, this will be a proud moment upon which you will look back and know that a corner was turned, you stood up for yourself, you were worth taking the risks involved in escaping an abusive relationship.

This is hard, hard stuff and there are so many who never are able to rise up out of it. You should be proud for the stand you took.

Yeah, you cut your hair and that was unfortunate. But hair grows back, whereas self-esteem is much tougher to nurture and protect. Maybe you can try looking at it this way: Rid of the guy; rid of the hair he'd enjoyed. Now you can grow beautiful long hair for yourself, free of this menace.

Stay strong - We're so proud of you!

Siava
July 8th, 2008, 12:48 PM
I also cut my hair when I broke it off with the ex due to him saying I wasn't "allowed". It was very liberating. I'm sorry you regret it, but I hope you can eventually embrace it since it marks a significant milestone in your life. What you did is proof that you have control over you and he doesn't anymore. :) Best wishes to you in your newfound freedom. *hug*

bex487
July 8th, 2008, 12:51 PM
My hair is your length right now, and I can do tons with it! Here are some ideas:

-High ponytail (use a bobby pin to catch hairs if need be)
-Two french braids/Two American braids
-One french braid (sometimes I need to use a couple bobby pins to catch stray hairs)
-High bun/low bun
-Low pony that's off-center so you can have the pony sweep over your shoulder
-Half ups are my favorite!

I love buying pretty ponytail scarves (look at the Coach website to get an idea if you haven't seen these before) and putting my hair in a casual pony or bun and wrap the scarf like a wide headband. It's really chic and ties together an outfit.

Best of luck to you!

jojo
July 8th, 2008, 01:06 PM
I am sorry you are feeling sad but your hair will grow. I am more concerned with how you are feeling though. How are you?

well done forgetting rid of an abusive man, just concentrate on you for now, your hair will grow without you even realizing it, don't be hard on yourself. I am so proud that you had the guts to get out, many a woman double your age finds it difficult to do. {{{hugs}}} and pm me if you need a shoulder to cry on. xxx

Kirin
July 8th, 2008, 01:16 PM
Think of your hair cut as "getting rid of baggage". Your life is anew and fresh, so is your hair..... the new length will not bring back the memories perhaps of what went on while it was growing

ladystar
July 8th, 2008, 01:20 PM
I did the same thing when I was your age. I cut off my tail bone hair to my shoulders because I broke up with a BF and he didn't want me to cut it. I also I also added highlights and damaged my hair:rolleyes:. Look on the bright side at least you didn't damage it!!! I wish you well and I am glad you are out of an abusive relationship, I know the feeling:brickwall. Time will heal your heart, and your hair will grow back with full force cause you cut off all the damaged hair:D. Hope you feel better!!! :flowers:

brok3nwings
July 8th, 2008, 03:15 PM
Im sad that you are in this situattion but im glad you went off that relashionship. As you said, one year and a half can be very long time..and i would say it is "Normal" to do something crazy that can wake us up and say "this is real" i am here...i am ok...im going on. Your hair will grow again, the damage is gone ! Keep up with your beautiful hair and colour and just keep up with good friends in your life..

vindo
July 8th, 2008, 03:38 PM
I once cut my hair for a slightly similar reason too, I even kept it short for a while. But in the end it taught me not to make a drastic decision like that again.


((Hugs)) Emi

wintersun99
July 9th, 2008, 09:39 AM
EvilPigeon -
How are you doing? I hope you're taking care of yourself... stop in and let us know you're o.k. :)

Deborah
July 9th, 2008, 08:52 PM
Sweet girl,

You are so very young. I'm glad that you got away from this terrible man/boy. You know this had to happen. What concerns me more are a couple of un-hair-related comments you make:


...I have been going completely insane and doing alot of stupid and unspeakable things.

...I make such bad decisions. :(

Now, you don't say what these "stupid and unspeakable things" and "bad decisions" are, but please be very careful right now. You have been hurt and are feeling somewhat out of control. Don't make life-changing decisions right now, (except those that are necessary for your protection from this fellow.) If you have parents or an aunt or pastor or teacher or some other trusted adult you can count on, consider having a long talk with them about what has happened and about how you feel and are acting right now.

Be gentle with yourself, and try not to do any more impulsive things. Your sad, hurt and vulnerable feelings are all normal, and will, in time, lessen and likely go away. Don't let these emotions frighten you. They will pass. Honestly.

Try to eat well, exercise and get plenty of sleep. These often fall to the side when we are overwhelmed by a bad situation. You need to take very good care of your body and mind right now.

I too am sorry about your hair, but that will repair itself. Other bad decisions may not be so easily repaired.

Now go have a hot fudge sundae or some other treat that you love! Show yourself that YOU care about how you feel, and that YOU plan to move on into much happier days very soon! :flower: :grouphug:

ps I will be praying for you. :pray:

flapjack
July 9th, 2008, 10:24 PM
The hair is not important at all, don't even worry about it, it's going to grow right back, good as new. Until then, just keep doing what you're doing and staying strong. You're in my thoughts and I wish you the best and hope you have family and/or friends nearby to help you through this. Don't worry about the hair, you will move on as a better and stronger woman and your hair will grow with you. Be easier on yourself, you're in the middle of a difficult time and you should be proud of yourself for doing what you're doing.

EvilPigeon
July 9th, 2008, 11:02 PM
First off...I'd like to thank everyone for such kind words of caring and encouragement.

Breaking the relationship off was one of the most difficult things I have ever done in my life.

I went through a two week period when I felt like I didn't even know myself anymore and I did alot of stupid and crazy things. Not to worry,though. That's all over.

I love how some of you mentioned removing old hair for spiritual reasons. Cleansing. Letting go of the bad energy. That's exactly how I feel about it.

I don't miss my ex at all. There has been absolutely no contact for several days now.

But oh, how I miss my hair. I keep thinking back on how long and wavy it was. I loved everything about it,except for the couple of split ends. The damage really wasn't that bad...but I just wish I wouldn't have made such a stupid, STUPID decision.

Every time I look in the mirror, I see someone that doesn't feel like ME at all.

I see a stranger.

I look like a pixie of some sort...which is cute and all, but I'm more of a mermaid. If that makes any sense. ;)

My hair is definetely two different lengths. It is only longer in the front, sadly. It's very difficult to pull into a pony tail.

The only good thing about the short hair is the lack of weight on my head. My headaches are gone. They were getting very bad as soon as summertime hit. But there is no way in hell that I will keep my hair short.

I can't wait for it to grow back. :( I will feel alot better when it hits shoulder length and creeps its way to BSL.

I am so completely out of it. I don't even know what to think anymore. I've never been so confused. I've never felt so alone. But I know I'm not alone. I have amazing people who care about me in my life. And I have amazing friends on here who care, even complete strangers! It simply blows my mind and means so very much to me. *big hugs to everyone* I always felt that people were mostly cruel but some of you ladies have definetely proved me wrong. Maybe when I am healed up i will be born again as a new person, and not so much of a cynic. It would be nice, I think :)