Friends' Hair Torture

[Pixie0763]

I went CO, natural color, and totally heat free about a year ago. I love my healthy new hair! (...and can't wait for it to grown long!) :cheese:

I workout most mornings before work, and getting ready for work afterward, I see friends I've known for years torturing their hair! It's been fried with color & highlights, washed with God only knows what, blow dried, and either ironed flat or curled with heat! :whip:

I saw a post not long ago about wanting to S&D other folks' split ends, but I'd like to shave heads and start from scratch with some of these ladies! :hatchet:

OK, end of rant ... but please tell me I'm not alone?

[ange1ito]

Lol you are not alone on your quest, however it doesn't really annoy me, as I once was one of those ladies.

[LocustSpawning]

It does make me cringe.. seeing Youtube hair tutorial vids where people have done the whole shabang... washed with harsh shampoo, ripped through a brush when wet, blowdried, then straightened!! even though, like the previous poster, I also used to do this. Eeeeek... It didn't look that bad to me at the time, but I look back on pics and it looked horrendously dry and extremely damaged.

I often fantasize when out and about on trains etc about cutting off x inches of someones hair, then doing an SMT, oiling... etc... :p just to see how much nicer it would look then!

[Pixie0763]

There are a few with hair so dry & damaged, I'd shave them bald if I could. :o

[Amber_Maiden]

I'd like to just shave me head and do it, but I won't. I look HORRIBLE with short hair, and I am also terrified to do it because I had short hair for my entire childhood. :(

[Avital88]

oh yes i have this too, but the worst is that these girls even ask me for advice.. but they just dont want to listen,they say they need to straighten else it is frizz.. how may times i went that road of explaining.. they just dont wanna deal with the transitionperiod,ok their problems then, i dont say anything anymore

[coffinhert]

I just want to hope that THIS thread doesn't descend into personal insults like this older (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=75779) thread did. It was really not cool and people were attacking those who thought that damaged hair wasn't the ideal thing to be wearing on your head.

[battles]

I try not to worry about other people. If they ask for advice, I'm willing to give it.. but I'm not going fret over how bad I think their hair looks.

[spidermom]

What is really bothering me right now is looking up styles to do with long hair and seeing all these women opening bobby pins with their teeth. Ack!!! Horrors!! (teeth can and do break off)

[isabelx]

Yep I get that, the annoying thing is is that they all say the had lovely long hair when they were younger, and they're trying to grow it again now, but 'my hair is just being a pain' or 'it just doesn't grow'. No, you just straighten it so much I can see the split ends from the other side of the room :disgust:

[Mayflower]

It only bothers me if those people really want beautiful (long) hair but just don't have a clue how to achieve that. If they are happy with the way their hair looks, then I'm happy too.

I do have two friends who mistreat their hair really bad even though they want to grow it out. Their hair "hasn't grow" in years. They notice how mine has improved and grown a lot, but I don't think they actually get some use out of my advice.

[JuliaDancer]

I open bobby pins with my teeth... how else do you do it with one hand? How will it break my teeth unless I'm using incredibly strong bobby pins for some reason? Mine open really easily...

[DreamDance]

Although there may be times when I see someone's hair and think of all the things they could be doing to heal their hair instead of their regular routines of daily harsh chemicals and heat stylers, or want to chase them down with scissors, I firmly believe if they are happy with their hair there is no place for me to criticize or insult. If they can rock their splits confidently and happily who am I to tear them down?

[tigereye]

What is really bothering me right now is looking up styles to do with long hair and seeing all these women opening bobby pins with their teeth. Ack!!! Horrors!! (teeth can and do break off)
I know. (Argggghhh) It's a bit like when people open beer bottles with their teeth. I actually have multiple bottle openers in my handbag, my C95 trouser pocket, my sporran for pipe band, on my keychain. I don't even drink beer, but it pains me to see people open these things with their teeth. It's like a disaster waiting to happen. (And I have strong teeth) My mum is a dentist, so thats likely where it comes from.
Also, your teeth can leave scratches and dents in the metal of the pins, which over time could cause some damage.
Besides which, I don't really want saliva in my hair, nor the plaque-causing bacteria either. What makes it even worse is when hairdressers do it. Its another thing entirely to have someone elses germs in my hair.
Okay, so I'm a little over-protective of my hair:p


I open bobby pins with my teeth... how else do you do it with one hand? How will it break my teeth unless I'm using incredibly strong bobby pins for some reason? Mine open really easily...

I use one hand, and no teeth. I turn the bobby pin so that I am holding it with my thumb, middle finger and ring finger. My pointer finger is on the two ends that open. I press the other end against my neck/arm/cheek/table/wherever, and wiggle my pointer finger between the ends to open it. Then I just grasp as usual and put in my hair.

[florenonite]

I just want to hope that THIS thread doesn't descend into personal insults like this older (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=75779) thread did. It was really not cool and people were attacking those who thought that damaged hair wasn't the ideal thing to be wearing on your head.

If you're going to paraphrase, in future could you at least make an attempt at being unbiased? It was hardly a case of people promoting damaged hair attacking people who preferred healthy hair, and your paraphrasing insults those of us who disagreed with the OP.


It only bothers me if those people really want beautiful (long) hair but just don't have a clue how to achieve that. If they are happy with the way their hair looks, then I'm happy too.


Me too, especially if they ask for advice and are adamant that such-and-such won't work for them without trying it.

[holothuroidea]

I've never felt insulted by someone suggesting to me a better way to take care of my hair. I've had people tell me to never brush it wet, that it's too dry to dye, that it's too damaged to grow long. I never listened to any of it but I wasn't offended. The problem was nobody ever gave me an alternative. Nobody said, "You can detangle your hair with your fingers, here's how... Your hair won't suffer as much damage and you'll be able to grow it longer!"

I think that there is a general lack of education on how really to take care of hair. I mean, when's the last time you heard anything about scritching and preening in the media? The hair care industry has nothing to do with taking care of hair and everything to do with selling us stuff we don't need.

I personally think we need more people giving advice on how really to take care of our hair, but I'm not the kind of person who's put off by unsolicited advice. I can either take it or leave it, and I believe that people have good intentions.

[holothuroidea]

I just want to hope that THIS thread doesn't descend into personal insults like this older (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=75779) thread did. It was really not cool and people were attacking those who thought that damaged hair wasn't the ideal thing to be wearing on your head.

I went and read that thread and I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. It seems like a pretty standard discussion thread where there are two perspectives that don't agree. There's nothing wrong with that! I mean, invariably there are some posts that can be taken as insults but that's just what happens when you have a discussion that's not face-to-face.

:cheese:

[AlannaMaria]

It doesn't annoy me, really. I have a friend who wants it long, but refuses to give up the flat iron, so she's been stuck at APL for two years. She knows it's bad for her hair, but I guess she feels confident with her hair straight. If she already knows, I don't feel it's my job to tell her.

[pepperminttea]

I feel your pain, but it is their hair - if they come to you and mention that your hair is looking particularly fabulous lately and ask for advice, you could direct them here? That way they could learn if they wanted, or keep their hair and routine as it is, whatever suits them. :)


What is really bothering me right now is looking up styles to do with long hair and seeing all these women opening bobby pins with their teeth. Ack!!! Horrors!! (teeth can and do break off)

Oops, I do that. How do you open them? I normally have one hand holding the hair in place, and opening them one-handed normally defeats me without teeth. :o

[UltraBella]

Although there may be times when I see someone's hair and think of all the things they could be doing to heal their hair instead of their regular routines of daily harsh chemicals and heat stylers, or want to chase them down with scissors, I firmly believe if they are happy with their hair there is no place for me to criticize or insult. If they can rock their splits confidently and happily who am I to tear them down?

This, exactly !!

And SPIDERMOM, I know a stylist who chipped her tooth on a bobby pin !!

[Madora]

Pixie0763, I know what you mean. What others do to their hair can make you cringe. However, you can take comfort in knowing you are doing your best to treat your hair gently, and in the long run, you hair will benefit and be much more healthy and beautiful.

And as someone upthread said, there isn't much accurate information out there on how to properly take care of your hair. Heck, people don't even know you're supposed to use a comb to detangle before you brush your hair!

[AnnaJamila]

The only time I get annoyed is when people ask me how I grew my hair long then intterupt me half way through to say they could never do that, they're SURE that wouldn't work and eeeew, that's the grossest thing ever!!!

Otherwise I don't much care.

[nellreno]

Doesn't bother me that much. There are a lot of women who prefer their hair bleached or colored, straightened, permed etc. And for a lot of them I'd say that their hairstyle looks good on them.

The only time it starts to bother me is when they complain about how damaged their hair is, knowing that it's from the healstyling or whatever they do, but don't make any attempts to do something about it.

[Yozhik]

I agree with Spidermom -- seeing people open bobby pins with their teeth makes me shudder. But the mere idea of scraping my teeth on hard objects makes me squeamish, so I may be a select case.

I open them one-handed by picking up the pin, pushing the looped part of it against my palm and pinkie finger, and using my thumb to widen the opening. Or I push the looped part against some flatish object and do the same thing using my thumb and index finger.

[invisiblebabe]

What is really bothering me right now is looking up styles to do with long hair and seeing all these women opening bobby pins with their teeth. Ack!!! Horrors!! (teeth can and do break off)

That bothers me too!!

[akilina]

Yes i agree!
ugh whats even worse is being a hair stylist and seeing awful hair all day where people dont take care of it whatsoever, color it with damaging dyes, and use heat tools with NOO protection whatsoever! ugh!
it makes me want to cry.

[Curly Hermione]

This is so me! I have been known to actually shudder (like when you hear nails on a blackboard) whilst seeing what my family and friends can do to their hair, it sometimes makes me feel physically sick! I hide it very well, because I don't want people to think i'm a crazy know-it-all hair lady. I don't preach to people, but if they ask me for my opinions, i'll make suggestions.
I know it's really silly of me to get so annoyed about it, it's really none of my business, and if it makes them happy they should go for it, but I can't help it!:( I guess I have ... issues when it comes to hair.
If they think their hair looks good, then that's great, good for them:happydance:, but i don't like it when people ask for advice then tell me my ideas are stupid.
I have several friends who bleach their hair and dye it loads of different colours. Some of those have pixie cuts, which we discussed once is probably better as the hair is replaced fairly quickly.
There are others who do the same and have longer hair, but they understand the trade off they're making in terms of rainbow coloured hair=damage, so they just accept it.
It's more the ones who constantly brush, backcomb, don't condition and straighten that upset me, but i don't show it, i'm entitled to be a crazed hair fanatic, so long as i don't push my views on others!:D
Sorry for the long post, but it's not all bad, my cousin, (after asking my advice when she decided to grow her hair), has stopped straightening and embraced her ringlets and waves, her hair is gorgeous now and is already BSL! (not that i'm jealous...)

[jeanniet]

Not really. People do all kinds of things to their hair that I wouldn't do, but they're happy with it and it's their hair, not mine. As long as they leave me and my hair alone, we're all good. :)

[Elysium]

I live above a hair salon, and sometimes I can smell the bleach/chemicals wafting up from downstairs. No offence to any hairdressers here, but these ladies' hair is among the worst I've seen. Bleached, dyed, bleached again, blowfried, straightened. Repeat x1000. So their hair is very very crunchy looking, and usually pixie cut :D you'd think they'd know better.

[supbanana]

I also look at people's hair and try to picture them with the damage removed, etc., but it's really just a way to pass the time.

...also, people open bobby pins? I never had anyone to teach me about makeup or hair stuff so I had to teach myself, and I've never opened a bobby pin in my life... can someone explain the benefit of it? I just hook the raised edge around the hair I want to stay in place and then slide it into position... is this wrong?

[Pixie0763]

I love TLHC and this post! Having been so openly (& erroneously) critical when I first posted this thread, I now have a different perspective. :) The lady about whom I started this rant is a very self-assured and confident woman. She's beautiful & happy. Who am I to care that she could be kinder to her hair?

I also agree with a comment that was made about the lack of education. I'm learning new ways to treat and/or be kind to my hair daily.

[racrane]

What more annoys me is when people ask me for advice and then are horrified by my weird ways. You asked, I gave you your answer. Though I do picture what women might look like without doing all those extra things to their hair.

But really, I think of hair like a decoration. We decorate in different ways. That's life, that makes us different. :)

[Blond On Blond]

I guess I'm getting old because I don't give a rat's a55 :D

[holothuroidea]

I also look at people's hair and try to picture them with the damage removed, etc., but it's really just a way to pass the time.

...also, people open bobby pins? I never had anyone to teach me about makeup or hair stuff so I had to teach myself, and I've never opened a bobby pin in my life... can someone explain the benefit of it? I just hook the raised edge around the hair I want to stay in place and then slide it into position... is this wrong?

I used to do that. I wore bobby pins every day to keep poorly cut fringe off my face. I started to notice a crop of "baby hairs" growing out of my part. Once I realized that they were not going into the pin I had to keep putting the pin closer and closer to my part... One day it dawned on me that they were hairs that were breaking in the pins.

You can minimize damage by opening them before putting them in your hair. I put my finger between the ends at the opening of the pin and slide it down until it's open. They can still cause some damage though if you have fine or brittle hair just from the squishing and rubbing of wearing them.

I currently avoid bobby pins like the plague.

[jacqueline101]

Everything you do to your hair has an effect on your hair later. I do think people follow the trends and don't care what their looks like as long as its stylish.

[papera]

Well, to be honest sometimes I would like to tell people to chop off 5-10cm because their hair is full of split ends and damage, and it just doesn't look nice, even though it has the potential!:( I've seen this a lot on people who try to grow their hair, but rarely on people who dye or bleach their hair, guess they go more often to the hair dresser for a trim.
But on the other side it's their hair and their life ...

[PinkyCat]

I also look at people's hair and try to picture them with the damage removed, etc., but it's really just a way to pass the time.

...also, people open bobby pins? I never had anyone to teach me about makeup or hair stuff so I had to teach myself, and I've never opened a bobby pin in my life... can someone explain the benefit of it? [B]I just hook the raised edge around the hair I want to stay in place and then slide it into position... is this wrong?

I do exactly this too. Whenever I try to open it a bit first, I find it won't hold as well.

[PixxieStix]

I love people who rock whatever they are comfortable with. Her color is amazing. The condition of her hair is not something I would want for myself, but good for her and anyone else for having what they want! That , to me, includes people who want a hairstyle simply because it is trendy. They still want it, and if they are happy following the crowd, who am I to pass any sort of judgement on that?

Edit: Lol, oh my goodness, I just totally posted a response in the wrong thread, how embarrassing.

[QueenOfTheSkye]

Oh my gosh yes! My friends are wonderful people whom I love very much, but their hair drives me INSANE(ER)! I want to sneak into their houses at night and S&D them until I cannot find a single split, especially this girl in choir who has got this beautiful light golden blonde BSL hair with horribly uneven ends and deep, deep splits.

[Melisande]

Well, another old lady here ;-) who doesn't care what people around her carry on their heads. I love giving advice, so if people ask me, I provide them with advice and a jar of sheabutter balm... but I stopped long ago "mentally improving" the hair of people sitting in front of my nose on the bus :-D

I don't want others to mentally improve me and I stopped doing it to others.

Most people treat their hair as fashion accessories and not as valued parts of their bodies. This is what fashion, trend magazines, shampoo commercials, beauty TV shows etc "teach" them. if they are content with it and feel happy with it, who am I to look critically at them? Many people treat their fingernails as fashion accessory and I don't. That doesn't make me morally superior - maybe I'm just too lazy...?

I enjoy that the world is colorful and people are different and I also like to see that young people experiment with their looks and do crazy things, even if they are unhealthy. We can't be rational all the time.

No, I can't say I like the overly layered, ironed, multiply dyed and streaked styles that many women sport around me every day - when I look only at the hair. But when i look at the whole woman, the look can still work. It all depends on the level of self confidence.

and who am I to castigate others - I who had a number of perms to get "big hair" until a hairdresser gave me a chemical burn that made me wake up and smell a whole plantation of coffee! ...

[Mitzy]

Count me in as one who is "old" and doesn't care what others do!
Actually, I kind of like to see what others do with their hair. I work in an office full of women, some of whom have really natural hair and some have stylish short hair. Bob haircuts are really popular and there are at least 4 people at work with variations on that hairdo. I really think it suits the ones who have it.
There are also at least 5 people who have hair a lot longer than mine and it looks pretty good on most of them. Almost everyone I work with has a disability of some sort, including several people in wheelchairs and several with severe mobility issues and a couple who are blind. I know several of the women with mobility issues have talked about where to get their hair done with stylists who will actually talk to them and listen to them, and about what hairstyles work when you can't reach over your head or spend most or all of your day in a wheelchair with those attendant issues.
I enjoy seeing the colorful hair of the younger people, pink, blue, green when they come in and I enjoy seeing someone's new haircut that obviously gives them great joy!
Eugene is pretty well a hippie haven, so there is also lots of natural long hair here, too.
I don't give much advice about anything anymore, really. If someone (other than my daughters) asks about my hair, I just say, oh, you know, wash it, dry it, comb it, you know, the usual stuff. My hair is like strands of iron and what works for me, might not work for you.

[KwaveT]

I love TLHC and this post! Having been so openly (& erroneously) critical when I first posted this thread, I now have a different perspective. :) The lady about whom I started this rant is a very self-assured and confident woman. She's beautiful & happy. Who am I to care that she could be kinder to her hair?

I also agree with a comment that was made about the lack of education. I'm learning new ways to treat and/or be kind to my hair daily.

Then I think some people don't want to learn anything new about taking care of their hair and act like you are some quack for doing what you do to your hair.

[Zesty]

I don't really care what people do with their hair. Some people would probably criticize me for having long hair. That being said, sometimes it makes me sad when someone's unhappy with their hair but they bleach or straighten it and don't understand what they're doing.

...Also, I have actually S&D'd a friend's hair. Not thoroughly, but I did. It was pretty fun. :D

[AnimaSola3o4]

What is really bothering me right now is looking up styles to do with long hair and seeing all these women opening bobby pins with their teeth. Ack!!! Horrors!! (teeth can and do break off)

AHHHHHH!!!!!!! Me tooooooo!!! I shudder every time I see it!!

[AnimaSola3o4]

Oh, and I really WISH I could get someone to S&D my hair!!!! I loathe doing it, and therefore don't really bother.