forced to have long hair?

[evb]

This morning my daughter says~~ wow mom you have a lot of hair :cheese: and I said no your friend has a lot of hair. Her friend has hip length hair and it is beautiful and thick with a very solid hem. A total inspiration to me. My daughter informed me that her friend is forced to keep her hair long by her mother and this got me thinking about those who are not allowed to cut their hair due to religious reasons or who keep their hair long because of their SO preferring it etc. It kind of made me sad thinking that as soon as she turned 18 she was going for Le Buzz but...is anybody else her growing out their hair or keeping their hair long due to other?

[tori93]

i knew somebody at school who had long hair and she said her mum wouldn't let her cut it. It always looked damaged on the ends and i wished she'd get it trimmed so the ends were blunt :(

[pepperminttea]

A school friend of mine wasn't allowed to cut or dye her hair until she turned sixteen. Not for religious reasons, just her mother's wishes I think. She had beautiful dark blonde hair, not unlike Igor's but ashier in colour, around hip/TB, incredibly inspiring. On her sixteenth birthday she dyed it black, and a few years later she cut it to shoulder length, and she's been playing with unnatural colours ever since. :)

[Annibelle]

That's how my father was! I was 14 with hip-length hair... I didn't think much of it, but looking back I realize it was gorgeous. As soon as I could, I cut it into a pixie, followed by several dye jobs... my hair just doesn't grow like it used to, now, though. :(


A school friend of mine wasn't allowed to cut or dye her hair until she turned sixteen. Not for religious reasons, just her mother's wishes I think. She had beautiful dark blonde hair, not unlike Igor's but ashier in colour, around hip/TB, incredibly inspiring. On her sixteenth birthday she dyed it black, and a few years later she cut it to shoulder length, and she's been playing with unnatural colours ever since. :)

[Raiscake]

My mom didn't let me cut my hair in high school. It wasn't until college that I chopped it off. I also permed it, dyed it, heat styled it, etc. I don't regret it at all and I'm glad I got those all out of my system. :D

She's not letting my 16-year-old sister cut my hair either. Mom's anti-short hair to the point of calling me old and fat when I had mine short. But I loved my short hair and so did everyone else. Jeez mom's such a hater.

[holothuroidea]

First of all, hooray for your daughter acknowledging your hair!

Well we don't really know about this girl's situation. Sometimes children will say that their parents don't let them such-and-such to vent some frustration when really they respect and agree with the parent's decision. Or maybe she gets teased for her hair and she's looking for a "reason" that may get her some sympathy.

However, if she is forced, coerced or manipulated into keeping her hair long that is really awful. It's so sad that children are treated this way, their autonomy completely denied. At least with most (American) adults who keep their hair long for religious reasons they actively choose to. Although, this isn't always the case, either, even in America.

super super sadface

[holothuroidea]

:(

I just read the replies and all these girls who were forced to keep their hair long! How can parents demand respect from children when they won't even allow them bodily autonomy. It makes no sense.

I love my daughter's hair and I sincerely hope she never wants to cut it. It's beautiful! I can't control her hair, though. If she ever says, "Mom I want to cut my hair." Then we will. Her hair, her decision. I can only teach her how to take care of it and tell her, honestly, that I think it's beautiful.

[BunnyBee]

My mum didn't let me have the short hair i wanted til i was 16

She kept the ponytail in fact lmao

Weird controlling mothers ftw huh?!

[Loreley]

I had hip length hair when I was 13 and wanted to cut it but my mom forbid me to do it. It was because of folk dancing which I HATED but she forced me to do cause SHE liked it... :puke: I wanted a short "Meg Ryan style" but it would've been impossible to braid that. And we had to wear a french or a dutch braid when performing. Two years later I stopped folk dancing but I didn't want to cut my hair then...

[ScorpioMouse]

Holo, I agree with you - but growing up in a fundamentalist household, I have to say that not being allowed to cut your hair is probably one of the milder examples of lack of freedom. When I was 15, I rebelled and DEMANDED a short haircut, I remember. I don't think I'd have gotten it, except my non-fundamentalist grandmother also pushed my mom into letting me do it (and I made it clear that I'd be going for the sewing shears if that was my only option). I was the only shorthair at our church, I remember it well! It did look pretty awful, but as I wasn't allowed to choose my own clothes, listen to the music I wanted, have the friends I wanted, learn to drive, etc etc, it felt GREAT! I then proceeded to grow it right back out again, just to prove my point, lol.

Of course, my story's not everyone's. My good friends were all forbidden to cut their hair (or wear makeup, or, for some, wear pants), and they loved it. They would have been horrified to cut it. But then, they've also stayed fundamentalist by choice into adulthood, while I'm now...well, not. :D

[MinderMutsig]

My mother-in-law was never allowed to cut her hair as a child. She absolutely hated her long hair and as soon as she got married and left home she lopped it all off into a short and practical pixie.

Strangely she then did the exact opposite to her daughter. My sister-in-law wasn't allowed to grow her hair long until her late teens. She was often mistaken for a boy until she started to develop more feminine shapes. She has insanely thick hair which resulted in a very weird scare-crow pixie because all the hair just stood out in the direction it came from her scalp. Any kind of styling was impossible. She started growing her hair around age 16 and never looked back. She now has an amazingly beautiful and thick auburn long mane. She cuts it back every now and then but it's always somewhere between BSL and hip.

[Alaia]

I feel sorry for your DD's friend, OP.

My mother was the other way round. I was forced to keep my hair short until I went to Uni. The last time I went to get my hair cut at my mother's behest I wanted only an inch off, but she spoke to the hairdresser before I went and told them to cut more off - they did!

[evb]

my parents kept our hair short... boy short short. We travelled extensively into areas without running water etc so hair was dirty. Plus my dad grew up on a farm and did the weekly bath thing. Actually when you have to haul the water from a well and carry it a mile or so then heat it on wood stove for warm water {which I did have to do at some time} I can totally get the short hair is primo.

Still I am saddened. I have been meaning to ask her about her hair care and who cuts it etc but now am scared to. Apparently her hair has been hip length since she started school {5?} and she is now 16... her mother says it is unique and therefore cannot be cut :( I was surprised because her moms hair is not long well APL I guess but I do know her mom is big on the appearances. Whenever we eat together the mom and daughter share a sandwich or something and the mom spends quite a long time worrying about calories etc.

[evb]

sorry did not mean to be catty bout the calories etc... I obviously could stand watching what I put in my mouth along with what comes out of it! :"> Just I think it is unhealthy while you are still growing ~ both physically and mentally.

[jojo]

i remember a girl who I went to school with, she was from Romany decent so had gorgeous black curls that reached her hips in braids, I never saw it down but her parents would not allow her to even have a trim or shave body hair until she reached 16. In those days we had to wear skirts and ankle socks in summer and the kids would tease her horribly calling her " sweaty Betty the long haired yeti" .
When she turned 16 she became a punk rocker and had a Mohican cut in and dyed it every colour of the rainbow. Funny I see her now from time to time and guess what she has her natural colour and its waist length, talk about going the whole circle!

[Rybe]

When I was really little my mom forced me to have short hair :D but I don't blame her because I'd shriek like a banshee whenever she tried to detangle my hair :p but other than that she's been very supportive of my various and assorted cuts.

It saddens me when people, especially teenagers aren't allowed at least the minimal freedom of cutting their own bloody hair :( I can see not letting them bleach it leopard, but cutting? Your teenage years are when you become an adult. How are you supposed to learn about becoming an adult if you're not given even the slightest autonomy? Especially if it's just a vanity reason as opposed to a religious one. I don't agree much with the religious ones either enforced on teens, but at least that has SOME legitimacy as opposed to "I think it's cool therefor you shall."

[lau_g]

When I was little,my mom was obsessed of me having short hair.She used to cut my hair in a bob with bangs,and couldn't get the bangs straight and kept cutting and cutting:cheese: I looked hilarious :)).So,I was never forced to have long hair,but i wish i was! Now after a few hairfalls,I'm trying to get my thickness back but can't:( Now i can grow my hair long but i have thin hair,and it doesn't look good below BSL.

[Juneii]

Yep! my parents wouldn't let me cut my hair past BSL when I was younger. It was during the time I wanted to experiment with my looks and find what looks best for me but noo. So when they let up and let me do almost everything I want to my hair I had horrendous layers and flat ironed it to the death. And now I am growing it out past what I ever had before in my childhood. It's full circle but it's what I want and that makes it different from how I felt in high school.

[Maktub]

My family was very open to letting me have the hair I wanted. But I remember a friend when I was 7, she had very short hair. Like her little sister. Like her mother...

and the fact was the father HATED long hair on women. I though that was so sad that they all had to keep their hair so short not to disguss their dad / husband :/

[jeanniet]

My mom never really wanted us to have very long hair because she wasn't into hair care and so we really didn't know how to care for it very well. Rip a brush through it and go. In high school, though, it was up to us and my hair was longer but still not cared for very well.

I guess I'd better take my son in for that cut he's been wanting. He has the most gorgeous thick curls and it took me ten years to convince him to grow his hair more than 1" long, so I hate to see them buzzed off again. He will not go for anything less than a buzz, so alternates between very short and long and curly. I would never tell him he can't get his hair cut--I just take a long time to get around to taking him in. :D I don't crab about his facial hair either, and the kid has got serious beard action. First he had the goatee, which looks pretty good, and then these major sideburns (he looked like Wolverine). He finally shaved off the sideburns. I think he got tired of people thinking he was in his 20s (he's 15).

[katsrevenge]

When I was living with my father he wouldn't let me cut it because 'girls have long hair'. And then.. as soon as I went home to my mother I hacked it all off. I was in 6th grade. Before that it was shorter as my mum did not know how to brush curly hair and owwwwwwww is all I will say.

Right out of HS I knew a girl with classic plus hair who was not allowed to cut it for some odd reason or other. Her parents had a lot of odd rules though. Not fundamentalist type weird, but just like she had to wear this color on these days and stuff.

[holothuroidea]

ScorpioMouse I admire your courage and strength of will!

You say that they "loved it" but really wasn't it just a manipulation tool? They force them to be different (long hair, no make up, certain clothes) so that they are ostracized in broader society- so that they feel that love and comfort can only come from the circle they are in. So they enjoy having these rules imposed upon them because there is this feeling of safety. It's a classic authoritarian tactic. :

[daniew0708]

As a child I had long hair. My parents never cut it because of our religious beliefs, however, when I was 8 a wonderful little boy in my class put a wad of bubble gum in my knee length hair at the base of my skull. He did a very thorough job which left my parents with no choice but to cut my hair into a chin length bob. Maybe that is why I became so "involved" with my hair? LOL.

[ratgirldjh]

There is NO way a parent can keep a kid from doing something if they really want to do it. I am proof of this.

I will say that 'good kids' are more likely to respect their parents wishes however.

I was not a good kid.

[holothuroidea]

ratgirl, I think that is a really insensitive thing to say. Children are coaxed, manipulated and coerced into behavior that pleases their parents all the time, to say to these children "Well it's your fault for not rebelling like I did," is first of all missing the issue entirely and secondly blaming the victim. It doesn't make their life any better or easier if they rebel, anyway.

[Slinks]

my neighbour from years ago (who is now a friend - we live in the same town) kept her daughter's beautiful hair at tailbone, how ever the daughter was constantly wishing she could cut it, her wish was granted when she turned 16 and boy has she regreted it ever since, BUT she did keep it short-ish for a while now she is 18 and about shoulderblade level she is trying to grow it out but - always a but - she is a really dark brown almost black naturally and dyes her hair black, she is so frustrated that it won't grow .. I'm relactant to say anything !! on the other hand my daughter has always wanted short hair and has had her say on what-ever she wants now she sees me with my long natural hair she has done a turn about and started growing out her hair - dye and all :-) she wears extentions too ..

[isabelx]

It was the other way around for me. Although I wouldn't say 'weren't allowed to have long hair', just my hair was even thicker when I was young than it is now, and I used to swim a lot so long hair would have been a nightmare for me and for my mum who used to have to detangle it for me. Although my younger sister's hair is probably around ii, my mum kept her hair short too, a bob infact.

She kept cutting my hair short until I was around 13, where I then started straightening, dying and seriously abusing my hair, so the damage kept me from having long hair, hence the reason I've never seen my hair long.

[ladonna]

I might be one of these crazy mom's being described, my kids hair has only been cut maybe 5-6 times between the 3 of them. My 7 year old DD really wanted her hair short this last summer, so I let her and her hair went from tailbone to BSL, its now at waist. She loved it but hasn't asked to have another haircut which I'm thankful for.

[BabyRay33]

There is NO way a parent can keep a kid from doing something if they really want to do it. I am proof of this.

I will say that 'good kids' are more likely to respect their parents wishes however.

I was not a good kid.


ratgirl, I think that is a really insensitive thing to say. Children are coaxed, manipulated and coerced into behavior that pleases their parents all the time, to say to these children "Well it's your fault for not rebelling like I did," is first of all missing the issue entirely and secondly blaming the victim. It doesn't make their life any better or easier if they rebel, anyway.

I don't think that her post was aggressive or insensitive. If a child really wants to do something, sometimes NOTHING the parent says is going to stop them from doing it. I wanted red hair as a child and I used kool-aid to get it. lol. I had a friend in school as well who wasn't allowed to cut her hair for religious reasons, and her hair wasn't a big deal to her at all. She couldn't have cared less about it. Some kids are bound to have conflict with their parents and some aren't. It just depends on the child :o

[BlazingHeart]

I was allowed to do what I wanted length-wise with my hair once I had a strong opinion on the matter. At the start of 5th grade, I told my mother I hated my bangs, so she let me grow them out, and at the end of 5th grade, I wanted my waist-length hair (it had been waist length since I was 4 or 5) cut into a bob the length of my bangs. Really, the only 'control' my mother applied with regards to length was that she wanted me to see her stylist. And at that, I still see Oksana because she does a beautiful job cutting my hair every time.

Color was a different matter. Like many kids, I wanted to dye it different colors starting in junior high. When I was 15 or so, my mother let me do a temporary dye to another natural color, and while I really liked it, I had wanted to do something radical and unnatural. The fall I moved away to college, I dyed it burgundy (which I loved and which my mother admitted did look good on me).

As far as hair goes, I have to give my mom props for telling me that my hair looked good both long and short, and not interfering in me wearing it however I wanted. The ONLY time she gave me crap about my hair, I deserved it - I didn't tie it down well enough in a convertible with the top down and it was a disaster. (Even then, it was a 'What happened to you?!' and then she helped me untangle the massive knots.)

The one place my parents did firmly hold their ground was piercings. I wanted to pierce my eyebrow in high school, and was told absolutely not until I was 18. Years later, they let my sister get her bellybutton pierced when she was 15. My mother apologized for being inconsistent on that when I was 21 or 22, and to be honest, I'm actually rather glad I never got my eyebrow pierced. I think it would have come out within a few years (I'm more classic than punk in style) and left a scar, so I'm just as glad that it didn't happen. The reason they let my sister get the piercing is because my sister is the bad girl and would do it one way or another, and at least if they took her somewhere, they could make sure it was safely done.

All in all, I actually have been very grateful about how my parents reacted to appearance when I was in my teens. They were fairly blunt and honest with me about clothing that was unflattering or trashy, but they were just as open talking about clothing that looked good on me. I'm quite certain they saved me from a lot of fashion mistakes.

...I do still kind of wish I'd dyed my hair fire-engine red when I was in high school. Or royal blue. Those were the colors I really wanted to do, and now can't because I'm in a field where that's just Not Done.

~Blaze

[CurlyCap]

My parents kept my hair long. It's a status symbol in both of their cultures, and they wanted the friends and neighbors to see what long pretty hair I had.

The one time it was cut it was because clearly I "wasn't worthy of having long hair". Of course, after the chop, they obsessed over the length ago.

One of the main reasons I got a big chop at 27 was that I wanted to see it short. I was always afraid before that of the peer pressure to keep it long.

[AnaGeorgette]

My mom always wanted me to have shoulder-length hair at longest when I was little, but by the time I turned 9 or so she didn't force me to get it cut anymore, she would just 'recommend' it every few months. I think it's ok for parents to have certain guidelines, as long as it becomes less strict once the child is old enough to decide for themselves. Although I HATED having a bob cut back then, looking back I realize that when I turned 9-ish I appreciated it much more to have a little more freedom without having been held back for so long that I felt the need to do anything drastic to my hair right away. And in the meantime I have to say, in the baby pictures the bob did look kinda cute XD

The same thing goes for hair dye-but she was ALOT stricter on that. Only when she realized how bad I wanted it in my early teens did she allow be to get temporary highlights to start with, working up through the years in babysteps until I was sure enough and ready to dye permanently in my later teenage years. However I think when it comes to hair length there should be more freedom than when it comes to dye.

[AzuraBlaise]

I was, and kind of still is, not allowed long hair. My mother used to drag me down to the hairdressers, almost kicking and screaming to get my hair cut (I make my behavior sound way worse than it actually was). It's only very recently that I've told my mum that I will not rest until I have properly long hair, so she should stop with the dragging and let me look after my hair the way that I want to. Even if it does involve some wierd habits and obbessions prompted by the LHC. :D I don't think that she's ever told me that my hair is beautiful unless she's heard me moaning about it, though. :( That's one thing that I would like to change in future.

[Bene]

It wasn't that I wasn't allowed short or long hair as a kid, I wasn't allowed to make that decision for myself. So, if my mom wanted me to have short hair on a whim, I'd have short hair. If she wanted me to grow it out, I wasn't allowed to chop it off.

One day, first day of junior year in highschool to be precise, I walked down to the salon and had the lady chop it all off. On a whim :laugh: I stepped out of school that day and decided right then, made a friend walk with me to Supercuts on the UWS, just a few blocks from school, and then spent the train ride home going, "Holy crap, what did I do?". When I got home, my mom, I could tell she was pissed off that I did this without her present, without warning or her permission. It was already done so she couldn't do or say anything about it. Although she was threatening to visit to the salon to complain about someone giving a minor a haircut without their parents permission. :rolleyes:


She begrudgingly admitted that it looked okay and gave me the stinkeye for about a week.

[Moor_tu_lyfe]

My mum has always preferred long hair on girls, but not obsessively so. I can remember when I was about 11, I got my hair cut to "bob" length, with bangs (previously hair was always mid-back length and no bangs). And when it grew longer, I did really well at school and begged for a perm, so Mum paid for me to get my hair permed at about 12 or 13... So I guess despite her making her wishes known, she always let me have a bit of freedom on the hair front..

However, my very headstrong DD4 insisted on cutting her spiral ringlets to above shoulder length, and my mum has never let me hear the end of it! Now my DD wants to grow her hair "all the way to my bottom" (probably from looking over my shoulder while I surf LHC :D) so that should make grandma happy...

[holothuroidea]

I don't think that her post was aggressive or insensitive. If a child really wants to do something, sometimes NOTHING the parent says is going to stop them from doing it. I wanted red hair as a child and I used kool-aid to get it. lol. I had a friend in school as well who wasn't allowed to cut her hair for religious reasons, and her hair wasn't a big deal to her at all. She couldn't have cared less about it. Some kids are bound to have conflict with their parents and some aren't. It just depends on the child :o

...it's all a matter of experience. The kids that get labeled as "good" may indeed be suffering and it does them a great disservice to just look the other way and say, "Well they are good. They don't complain. I guess they don't mind." Parental bullying is parental bullying whether the kid rebels or not.

I'm talking about extreme cases, but a lot of times things like forbidding certain hair are the tip of the abuse iceberg. I understand that there are some parents who forbid their kid to cut their hair because they truly believe that the child will regret it. I am not talking about those parents.

And anyway, it is just an issue that I am very sensitive to. :cheese:

[iszolda111]

My little cousin had the most beautiful, bum length hair. It was think and healthy and shiny, and she decided she wanted it cut and cut it off right to her neck! If I was her Mother I would be tempted to not let her cut it, so I understand it. I don't think I would forbid my daughter to cut her hair, but if she wanted a mushroom cut, I would not let her do that until she was a teenager. Sometimes little girls want really short hair and then when they become teenagers they are still trying to grow it back. Until 13 or 14 I think it is fair and OK not to let them cut it short!

[Celtic Morla]

I had long hair as a child and my Dad loved it and told my mum to not cut it. When I was about 9 I begged my mum for bangs and she said no so when I tunred 13 I got it choppe doff and immediately regeretted it. I have never told any of my DD no when they asked about something made them waitt o think on it . I won't allow dye til 16 because its bad for you. My younger DD wanted to trim her hair to waist and after she thought on it still wanted to so she went fromBC to WL. Made her hair a lot l,ighter for her and now we can see just how thick it is because of the blunt trim!

[MinderMutsig]

There is NO way a parent can keep a kid from doing something if they really want to do it. I am proof of this.

I will say that 'good kids' are more likely to respect their parents wishes however.

I was not a good kid. I think you are very fortunate to have grown up in a household and a community that made you feel like this is true.

[QueenOfTheSkye]

My friend has really long, thick, bright red hair, and her parents are so enamored of it, they won't let her do ANYTHING with it. It always has to be down, it always has to be long... In rebellion she's trying to get dreads without them noticing. But from time to time they make her wash it.

[evb]

Although as a child I was forced to have a boy cut {not even a cute bob } when I did grow my hair out my bf threw fits at thought of my trimming it.

Once a hairdresser said no when I asked for it to be cut into a bob {from waist} so I picked up her scissors and cut it at shoulder~~ big ol hunk several inches wide and said okay Fix It. I walked out with a bob.

I have gone from flat top to tail to modified 80's flat top and everything in between several times over. I hate it when people tell me how to do my hair. Which is why I don't do it with my girls. Although in all honestly my eldest looked much better with long IMO and my middle looked better with shorter but its their hair. FWIW the main reason my eldest looks best with long hair is because she doesn't tease the bejeebers out of it, flatten it with chi and other stuff like that. The middle doesn't wash it properly or something so it also looks bad longer~ oily funky scalp with normal length.

And of course, despite the numerous compliments on how much hair I have and how healthy it is from them and stylist {we go to a gals home who does all of ours cus she follows directions, isn't on the 10 min rule MIL ran one of those cheap places and they have time limits FYI, and oh yeah is great} they won't listen to my advice about over washing, conditioning ends, not using heat blah blah. Keep in my that by LHC standards I have short hair and it isn't that thick. But I think you can tell from shine it is healthy :cheese:

[DTsgirl]

I don't have kids yet, but when I do, I am going to dictate their hair length until they are fully capable of taking care of it themselves. That means not just being ABLE to brush, wash and style, but that they do all those things without me telling them to.

[Olga-Freya]

As I remember I always had my hair long - classic lenght and longer (Ofcourse I have a couple of old photos where I'm a cute baby with short hair, but who remember this time of their life?). I can't say that I was forced - my parents just not cut it. My mom or my granny disentangled and braided it for me, so I don't complained much (though they brushed my hair pretty hurt sometimes >_<)
When I become older I demanded to chop at least a half of my mane and even my family accepted it, but... But hairdresser refused to do it.
Now I really love my long hair and very grateful to my parents and that hairdresser whom I never visited again :)

[holothuroidea]

I don't have kids yet, but when I do, I am going to dictate their hair length until they are fully capable of taking care of it themselves. That means not just being ABLE to brush, wash and style, but that they do all those things without me telling them to.

I don't know if it really works that way. Maybe for some kids it does, but I think generally at some point they start to resist you taking care of their hair. They may or may not be able to take care of it the way you want them to at this point but it's important for them to make their own mistakes and learn from them. At that point your job as a parent is to just stand back and give them advice when they ask.

There are so many things like this I said before I had kids. "When I have kids I'm going to such and such." It all goes out the window when you've got a baby in your arms and realize that this person is an individual and they are not going to conform to your pre-concieved notions.