someone is jealous of long hair

[heartgoesboom]

i read this on someone's tumblr:

"You know the girls that get a lot of notes on tumblr?
the ones with the SUPER long hair.
They think its ‘cool’ and ‘cute’ to have super long hair to show off on here.
but you know what I think is ‘cool and cute’ donating that long ass hair to Locks of Loves.
I would look to see all these girls on here giving there popularity away for a better cause."

yea, yea, i know these people are everywhere but i can't comment on tumblr and i need to share.

[BranwenWolf]

You know what I think is cool? People that don't tell other people what to do with their bodies and hair. [eyeroll]
And I'm so tired of people acting like Locks of Love is the embodiment of wonderful-ness. They're not.

[Diamond.Eyes]

Why is she so concerned with other people's hair? If she cares so much about donating hair, maybe she should grow out her hair and donate it. :p

[jacqueline101]

There are haters in every group. I've had people give me evil looks over my hair. As I've learned when you're hated by your enemies you must be doing something right.

[Lostsoule77]

I think people need to care more about themselves and those they know than random other people they don't. It's such a waste of energy.

I meant this towards the girl posting on tumblr, but I suppose the same could apply to the OP. IDK, just my 2 cents.

[bobbsi]

I recenty read something about that....it's like: why don't they give away one of their kidneys?
It's your very own hair/body and you can decide what you wanna to with it.

[Kat]

I wonder if she also thinks attractive people should try to make themselves look ugly, smart people should act dumbed-down, etc. That way no one would be "showing off" their "popularity."

(Though personally, *I* think *she* should take a course in spelling...)

If she wants to be "popular" then maybe she should grow her hair. It's not like any of these women are doing anything she herself can't do.

[Nae]

Hmmm. Interesting, I didn't know that long hair equaled popularity. :shrug:

[Curly Hermione]

That person needs to find a "problem" more worth their time and energy. What a busybody! They need to lay off other peoples bodies, and I suspect they're jealous, heck, I am!

[Athena's Owl]

I don't really see why this quote from tumblr needed to be posted here.

You can't be a member of LHC for long without hearing about someone's irrelevant opinion about what other people "ought" to be doing with hair that doesn't happen to be on their own heads. Why bring this person's words here so she can be mocked by others who don't know her? It seems kind of nasty and catty to me.

[sugar&nutmeg]

I've learned when you're hated by your enemies you must be doing something right.

Wow. That's so true, Jacqueline101, and something I need reminding of, now and then. Thanks!

As for the snippy tumblr comment, see my signature line. :D

[Kumiko033]

This is plain stupid, what the hell is that girl thinking?
In my opinion it isn't about long or short hair; it is what fits you most and what makes you happy, what fits your face shape and your live style. When it happends to be long hair it doesn't mean you need to donate it! If you do, great ofcourse! I envy people who do so, but you don't have to, it's your hair, your life.
...Oh and if anyone doesn't want their hair, donate it to me lol.

[lastnite]

it's been posted around here that Locks Of Love doesn't use most of the hair that is donated to them... I'd have to find the details, but the hair has to be virgin and in very good condition, but most of the hair that gets donated gets thrown away!

so I like people that do research before making statements of what someone should do.

[MrsGuther]

Most people are ignorant about what Locks of Love really does with most of the hair donated to them. Maybe you should ask her why she hasn't donated a kidney yet . ;)

[summerjade]

That person needs to mind her own business and grow out her own hair and donate it to whatever cause she wants and leave us alone !!! Sounds like a very unhappy, jealous person who wrote that.

[MrsGuther]

That person needs to mind her own business and grow out her own hair and donate it to whatever cause she wants and leave us alone !!! Sounds like a very unhappy, jealous person who wrote that.

Agreed!!! The girl needs to mind her won business and not tell other people what they "should be doing."

[Lamb]

I don't really see why this quote from tumblr needed to be posted here.

You can't be a member of LHC for long without hearing about someone's irrelevant opinion about what other people "ought" to be doing with hair that doesn't happen to be on their own heads. Why bring this person's words here so she can be mocked by others who don't know her? It seems kind of nasty and catty to me.

Quoted for truth.

I can see why the OP is upset. But really, come on. We are all, without exception, entitled to our own opinions, and we are all, without exception, entitled to posting these opinions wherever we legally can.

If I had a penny for every person who thought (or said... :rolleyes: ) that my hairstyle was unattractive or whatever negative, I'd be richer than the queen of England.

If people here can discuss soccer moms and helmet-heads and fields of dandelions and poodle-heads here, I don't see why that quote from Anonymous Poster at Tumblrurl should merit more attention.

:twocents:

[kidari]

lol that's really funny actually! Thanks for posting that, I needed the laugh. :laugh:

[battles]

/snip

If people here can discuss soccer moms and helmet-heads and fields of dandelions and poodle-heads here, I don't see why that quote from Anonymous Poster at Tumblrurl should merit more attention.

:twocents:

Absolutely agreed. Thank you for that post.

[newbeginning]

Why is she so concerned with other people's hair? If she cares so much about donating hair, maybe she should grow out her hair and donate it. :p

This exactly. If someone wants to grow their hair/shave it bald/dye it bright blue go ahead....it's their hair to do with what they want.

[Yame]

Why is she so concerned with other people's hair? If she cares so much about donating hair, maybe she should grow out her hair and donate it. :p

Right???? I don't get the whole "if you have long hair you should donate it" thing. By that logic then everyone should grow long hair and then donate it. How is that paragraph any different or better than saying this (I'm keeping all the typos and spelling errors for effect):


"You know the girls that get a lot of notes on tumblr?
the ones with the SUPER short hair.
They think its ‘cool’ and ‘cute’ to have super short hair to show off on here.
but you know what I think is ‘cool and cute’ growing that hair out to donate to Locks of Love
I would look to see all these girls on here giving there popularity away for a better cause."


In fact, at least people with long hair are putting it to use somehow (on their own head). If you have short hair, not only are you not donating, but you are also constantly cutting your hair and just THROWING IT AWAY!!! *gasp*

Why aren't these people just as angry and shocked at that? LOL!

[allmixedup88]

Do they even give you juice & cookies?

[turquoisedays]

Locks of Love is a scam charity anyways, if I actually wanted my hair in some rich girl's wig, I'd sell it to her myself. I would never cut my hair for money though. It's a trademark of who I am...

[PixxieStix]

Well, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Honestly, a lot of the synthetic wigs they make nowadays are AMAZING though, and if I went bald from cancer and felt the need to wear a wig, that's the route I would go. Truly, the idea of wearing someone else's hair on my head makes my scalp itchy! At least with a synthetic wig, I can rest assured "No heads of hair were harmed in the making of this wig." :D

If, in the future however, I deem such a comment made to me when people see my (someday) long hair worthy of any notice on my part, I'll simply tell that person the truth: "Well, Locks of Love wouldn't accept my hair because it isn't virgin, and even if they would, I still wouldn't chop it off because I worked hard for years to get it this long, but if you feel the need to grow your own hair out for 6- 8 years and keep it in perfect condition only to get whacked off and handed over to someone else, go right on ahead." :P

[Amber_Maiden]

Been there done that. I grew out my hair, donated it, and now I just want long hair. Maybe one day i will again, but that's my choice.

[michiru7422]

If, in the future however, I deem such a comment made to me when people see my (someday) long hair worthy of any notice on my part, I'll simply tell that person the truth: "Well, Locks of Love wouldn't accept my hair because it isn't virgin, and even if they would, I still wouldn't chop it off because I worked hard for years to get it this long, but if you feel the need to grow your own hair out for 6- 8 years and keep it in perfect condition only to get whacked off and handed over to someone else, go right on ahead." :P

This statement is the reason I would not consider giving my hair to Locks of Love unless I was going to cut it off anyways (which I'm not) but also the reason I can't understand why people would do Locks of Love in the first place (I know a lot of people who continuously grow their hair long just to donate it).

[PixxieStix]

Michiru7422, I'm sure they do it because they feel that they are doing something to help someone else. I had a boss who grew out her hair (it grew and inch a month!) and had it cut once a year to donate until it stopped growing so fast, and then wore her hair fairly short from that point on. Many of us like to help others in our own way when we can, and I certainly can't see anything wrong with that.

[gretchen_hair]

This is exactly what I was thinking.

Why spread the ugliness?


I don't really see why this quote from tumblr needed to be posted here.

You can't be a member of LHC for long without hearing about someone's irrelevant opinion about what other people "ought" to be doing with hair that doesn't happen to be on their own heads. Why bring this person's words here so she can be mocked by others who don't know her? It seems kind of nasty and catty to me.

[jojo]

Honestly stuff like this really doesn't bother me, it aint gonna change how I feel about my hair. she is probably about 10 years old anyway! heck it would be a boring old world if we all thought the same!!!

[lapushka]

I don't really see why this quote from tumblr needed to be posted here.

You can't be a member of LHC for long without hearing about someone's irrelevant opinion about what other people "ought" to be doing with hair that doesn't happen to be on their own heads. Why bring this person's words here so she can be mocked by others who don't know her? It seems kind of nasty and catty to me.

I *so* agree with this! :agree:

[Polgarra]

If I had a penny for every person who thought (or said... :rolleyes: ) that my hairstyle was unattractive or whatever negative, I'd be richer than the queen of England.


I wanted to comment on this, are you serious? Are these people online or in real life? If it is online then I can understand but I have never had a negative comment about my hair. Do you have an unusual hair cut? Really mouthy people around you? I am just shocked to hear this.

[dulce]

Polgarra,You have been lucky,I also have had a lot of negative feedback[ from older women my age or older]So it does exist,and I have a curly layered haircut to my waist with light brown/silver streaks,nothing unusual about my hair.

[dulce]

Forgot to mention this has been mainly in real life .

[dulce]

Just got back from Tim hortons with hubbie{ I am 59],two older ladies[70's] with white super short hair sat beside us and both kept staring at me in a disapproving fashion.I had my long gray hair loose.One especially stared continuously and unrelently[very hostile feeling] at me so finally after being made to feel very uncomfortable I stared directly back at her.She refused to look away and we had a stare-a-thon till after several minutes she finally looked away..This is mild,I've had snickers in the past and nasty verbal comments to my face.So Polgarra, the people in your area must be much nicer than where I live.I notice I only get this reaction if my hair is loose,if it's in a bun there's not as much reaction.It really annoys me that this happens but I will wear my hair the way I want,hang the disapproval.Sad that there are so many close minded people.

[xoxophelia]

^that is really awful! I think it would be somehwat funny if you went up to her with a little smile and said: "didn't your mother ever teach you it was rude to stare at strangers?" and then walk off. It is one thing for people to stare our of curiosity/admiration/boredom but a whole other things if they are staring in disgust and judgement.

[spidermom]

If people here can discuss soccer moms and helmet-heads and fields of dandelions and poodle-heads here, I don't see why that quote from Anonymous Poster at Tumblrurl should merit more attention.

:twocents:

Indeed! We have no shortage of snark around here.

[KwaveT]

These sort of people are all around you. Sometimes I think some of the very ones with these negative opinions are not only strangers but your family and people that you know. I get my appearance scrutinized all the time on any number of areas including my hair now since I am growing it out.

[Juneii]

If I am not mistaken I have seen quite a few "popular" girls on tumblr with short hair. Please note the quotes around popular, many of the people I see who post a ton of entries a day seem to write with an air of self importance as if the whole universe revolves around them. It's hard to take them seriously when most of their posts are all about "me me me".

[Lamb]

I wanted to comment on this, are you serious? Are these people online or in real life? If it is online then I can understand but I have never had a negative comment about my hair. Do you have an unusual hair cut? Really mouthy people around you? I am just shocked to hear this.

I meant that the hairstyle (and length) I'm sporting gets a lot of really ugly remarks in general. (See my comment about "soccer mom cut" in the same post.) I didn't mean people tell me to my face that my hair looks awful. Nevertheless, it's hard not to take those remarks personally, and short-haired people get them every bit as often as long-haired ones.
Sorry about the misunderstanding.

[gretchen_hair]

This really makes me wonder. Why would you immediately assume that the ladies were staring at you in a hostile way because of your hair? That just seems odd.

If someone is looking at me in a weird way, I usually assume that they are trying to place my face and are just wondering who I am.

It sounds like you have an image issue and are projecting your own insecurities on anyone who looks at you *wrong*

And having a *stare a thon* with an old lady? That sounds a bit immature and hostile on your part. Maybe they were just trying to see what kind of donut you were munching on?





Just got back from Tim hortons with hubbie{ I am 59],two older ladies[70's] with white super short hair sat beside us and both kept staring at me in a disapproving fashion.I had my long gray hair loose.One especially stared continuously and unrelently[very hostile feeling] at me so finally after being made to feel very uncomfortable I stared directly back at her.She refused to look away and we had a stare-a-thon till after several minutes she finally looked away..This is mild,I've had snickers in the past and nasty verbal comments to my face.So Polgarra, the people in your area must be much nicer than where I live.I notice I only get this reaction if my hair is loose,if it's in a bun there's not as much reaction.It really annoys me that this happens but I will wear my hair the way I want,hang the disapproval.Sad that there are so many close minded people.

[RoseOfClare]

dulce.... i have to say...My mum has grey hair and I personally think it looks better longer! When it was short it was much more white and as it grew we noticed it was getting blonde near the tips... Low and behold her hair like mine is translucent haha so her grey hair was picking up the blonde and giving her more colour Than white........

I would only donte my hair for a wing if it was one of my own family memebers and they needed it due to chemo or they lost it. It's one those deals where each person has their own choice on what to do with their bodies or hair! Call it vanity but I rather enjoy having my hair long!

[junkyschristmas]

If you have short hair, not only are you not donating, but you are also constantly cutting your hair and just THROWING IT AWAY!!! *gasp*

Why aren't these people just as angry and shocked at that? LOL!
I got a real kick out of this - thanks :)

[dulce]

Gretchethon,you have no idea what I am talking about or am dealing with as you weren't there.How do comments from strangers such as "you''re trying to look like a teenager" said to your face sound to you? Or actually being pointed at,while one woman is talking to another deliberately in a very loud voice[so I could hear it] saying what she thinks of my hair[not positive]..Or being directly pointed at and snickered at with whispering at as I walk by ..Try getting this almost every time I wear my hair loose.How would you feel?As for the stare-athon,I was setting my boundary limits,it is extremely rude what she did ,so I decided to stand up for myself and give her a taste of her own medicine.I could have said something to her but felt by hopefully making her embarrassed the same way she did me,she'd realize what she was doing and hopefully not do that to me any longer or to others in the future.. Call that immature if you want.I am sick of people not minding their own business and think it's ok to embarrass me because they don't approve of my hair.I used to just ignore it but over time I've gotten fed up and realized no-one has the right to treat someone like that ,and I do have the right to stand up for myself. This is a really sore point for me as it keeps happening and always it's from older short haired ladies in their 70's.I realize with the generation before me[I am in my 50's] ,many have been brainwashed that the older you are the shorter the hair . And to some of them I probably am doing something disgraceful in their eyes by not following conventional norms but I still have the right to do what I want with my hair, it doesn't hurt them,nor is it any of their business..This is what makes me angry,disapprove of my hair privately if you want, but don't be rude to my face.That is unacceptable and I will let people know that.If that's immaturity then so be it.

[dulce]

I had a short pixie all through my 40's,never got any reaction or notice,was shocked when I grew it long in my 50's to start getting this reaction.When I wear it up in a bun ,don't get much reaction,only when it's loose..I guess long loose hair is too sexual ?or too inappropriate ?for some people minds if you are older with it long and loose?..Again,it's still no-ones business how someone wears their hair no matter what age they are ,bottom line.I also don't dress sexy,am very conservatively dressed so it's not like I have this long hair with boots,low rise jeans or a mini skirt.Hubbie likes it long and loose and tells me often how much he likes it and that it looks fine[not strange] loose.

[Angel_099]

This really makes me wonder. Why would you immediately assume that the ladies were staring at you in a hostile way because of your hair? That just seems odd.

If someone is looking at me in a weird way, I usually assume that they are trying to place my face and are just wondering who I am.

It sounds like you have an image issue and are projecting your own insecurities on anyone who looks at you *wrong*

And having a *stare a thon* with an old lady? That sounds a bit immature and hostile on your part. Maybe they were just trying to see what kind of donut you were munching on?

Wow...SHE was there and experienced the hostile glare. I have heard a lot of women her age talk about constant disapproving stares or comments. She was probably right, but even if it wasn't about her hair, the woman was obviously being rude by giving her a nastly look and staring her down. I don't think her reaction was immiture. I do think your comment was a bit rude though.

[mallorykay13]

Donate blood. It's beautiful.

[pepperminttea]

Donate blood. It's beautiful.

This! Something that actually helps people survive.

[gretchen_hair]

My question is.......if the ladies did not say a word to you......how do you know that they didn't like your hair?

Sometimes when we have something in our minds we project that into every encounter that we experience. I'm just saying.....maybe it *wasn't* about the hair at all? :confused::confused:

You seem really defensive and so sure that *all* old women hate your hair, maybe that isn't the case. :shrug:



Gretchethon,you have no idea what I am talking about or am dealing with as you weren't there.How do comments from strangers such as "you''re trying to look like a teenager" said to your face sound to you? Or actually being pointed at,while one woman is talking to another deliberately in a very loud voice[so I could hear it] saying what she thinks of my hair[not positive]..Or being directly pointed at and snickered at with whispering at as I walk by ..Try getting this almost every time I wear my hair loose.How would you feel?As for the stare-athon,I was setting my boundary limits,it is extremely rude what she did ,so I decided to stand up for myself and give her a taste of her own medicine.I could have said something to her but felt by hopefully making her embarrassed the same way she did me,she'd realize what she was doing and hopefully not do that to me any longer or to others in the future.. Call that immature if you want.I am sick of people not minding their own business and think it's ok to embarrass me because they don't approve of my hair.I used to just ignore it but over time I've gotten fed up and realized no-one has the right to treat someone like that ,and I do have the right to stand up for myself. This is a really sore point for me as it keeps happening and always it's from older short haired ladies in their 70's.I realize with the generation before me[I am in my 50's] ,many have been brainwashed that the older you are the shorter the hair . And to some of them I probably am doing something disgraceful in their eyes by not following conventional norms but I still have the right to do what I want with my hair, it doesn't hurt them,nor is it any of their business..This is what makes me angry,disapprove of my hair privately if you want, but don't be rude to my face.That is unacceptable and I will let people know that.If that's immaturity then so be it.


I had a short pixie all through my 40's,never got any reaction or notice,was shocked when I grew it long in my 50's to start getting this reaction.When I wear it up in a bun ,don't get much reaction,only when it's loose..I guess long loose hair is too sexual ?or too inappropriate ?for some people minds if you are older with it long and loose?..Again,it's still no-ones business how someone wears their hair no matter what age they are ,bottom line.I also don't dress sexy,am very conservatively dressed so it's not like I have this long hair with boots,low rise jeans or a mini skirt.Hubbie likes it long and loose and tells me often how much he likes it and that it looks fine[not strange] loose.



And once again, if someone is *looking* at someone else, with a supposed *disapproving* glare....how does one know what it is they are thinking about? Maybe they thought her clothes were ugly/inappropriate, maybe she was acting strangely (in their heads) and they thought it was odd (not saying this is the case, just a possible scenario)

Maybe Dulce thinks that all old ladies are hateful hags and projects that aura and they notice it? Who knows, maybe she was looking at them and they looked at her out of curiosity. People look at each other, it's what we do, we're human.

What can I say? I just find it odd that someone automatically thinks that someone is looking at them in a glaring disapproving way and assumes it's their hair that they hate. it's seems weird to me to go around thinking like that all the time.


Wow...SHE was there and experienced the hostile glare. I have heard a lot of women her age talk about constant disapproving stares or comments. She was probably right, but even if it wasn't about her hair, the woman was obviously being rude by giving her a nasty look and staring her down. I don't think her reaction was immiture. I do think your comment was a bit rude though.

[dulce]

One last thing on this subject,I belonged to an all women's gym ,I took an all age aerobics class there. In the class,there was a short haired lady in her early 70's who hated my long hair[was in a ponytail for class],she made comments to me,to other women in the class in front of me about how inappropriate it was,she continually glared at me during class.I ignored it all but finally quite the gym because of her,it made me so uncomfortable.I was mad at myself after for quitting and realized then,that this[deliberate hair put downs] is a form of bullying,and unless you stand up for yourself,it continues.It's a difficult situation to deal with,there are no magic answers.

[Angel_099]

Gretchen_hair : I kind of get what you are saying, but maybe there was a nicer way to say it...:confused::shrug: Seems like you are making just as many assumptions as she is. Maybe she thinks those things because she has heard remarks from so many people about it. I can understand how that might make someone defensive. Sorry, but I just have to give my 2 cents on this...

[RoseOfClare]

Im sure its a mixture of being jealous and being brought up to have shorter hair as they get older. That or they are simply jealous at the fact ur hubby loves it lol

Im sure its much to sexual for older women to have long glorious locks!! ...........(huge amount of sarcasim)...But it could also be the fact that older women its a norm to have shorter hair so because the fact you don't fit into the Norm of things with them you stand out and they don't like it!


I had a short pixie all through my 40's,never got any reaction or notice,was shocked when I grew it long in my 50's to start getting this reaction.When I wear it up in a bun ,don't get much reaction,only when it's loose..I guess long loose hair is too sexual ?or too inappropriate ?for some people minds if you are older with it long and loose?..Again,it's still no-ones business how someone wears their hair no matter what age they are ,bottom line.I also don't dress sexy,am very conservatively dressed so it's not like I have this long hair with boots,low rise jeans or a mini skirt.Hubbie likes it long and loose and tells me often how much he likes it and that it looks fine[not strange] loose.

[gretchen_hair]

I'm not saying that some people or many people didn't say that to you.

Just wondering how you immediately took a look from someone as being a look of disapproval and that they hated your hair (without a word being spoken)


One last thing on this subject,I belonged to an all women's gym ,I took an all age aerobics class there. In the class,there was a short haired lady in her early 70's who hated my long hair[was in a ponytail for class],she made comments to me,to other women in the class in front of me about how inappropriate it was,she continually glared at me during class.I ignored it all but finally quite the gym because of her,it made me so uncomfortable.I was mad at myself after for quitting and realized then,that this[deliberate hair put downs] is a form of bullying,and unless you stand up for yourself,it continues.It's a difficult situation to deal with,there are no magic answers.


I wasn't assuming that Dulce was actually doing those things, just pointing out alternative scenarios/possibilities.

If someone were looking at me oddly or crossly, I would not assume they hated my hair and disapproved. It's just an odd thing to assume and focus on right off the bat.



Gretchen_hair : I kind of get what you are saying, but maybe there was a nicer way to say it...:confused::shrug: Seems like you are making just as many assumptions as she is. Maybe she thinks those things because she has heard remarks from so many people about it. I can understand how that might make someone defensive. Sorry, but I just have to give my 2 cents on this...


ETA: I guess I just think it's arrogant and self centered to assume that people are hating on you because they think your hair is inappropriate or *all that*. Of all the things I could think of that could cause glares and stares, I would never consider that my mane is the center of all the attention. My ass maybe, but never my hair. Don't hate it cause it's big, it's bought and paid for! (the hair and the ass)

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Aren't the majority of bloggers on Tumblr around the age of 14?
I honestly wouldn't give her remark the time of day.
Especially since she probably isnt informed of locks of love.

[Jeno86]

Just wondering how you took a look as being a look from someone that hated your hair (without a word being spoken)

It's honestly pretty easy to tell when someone doesn't like something about you. I can speak from personal experiance. I'm a Goth and a Witch. I wear tightlacing corsets, have very long pointed nails and wear a silver pentacle at all times. When I am walking down the street and walk past people, I see their eyes moving to either my corset or my pentacle and then they get a nasty look on their face, therefore I can assume that they don't like one of those two things. When I am standing in a line wearing my normal clothing, I can hear people whispering and see them giving me nasty looks but if I'm wearing a work uniform (red shirt, khaki pants) or just got out of blacksmithing (blue jeans and a black tank top, no jewelry); I never get a reaction from people. So I feel it is safe to assume that these people don't like my clothing and jewelry.

So if dulce only gets those reactions from people when her hair is down, then it is a pretty safe bet that it is her hair that people are reacting to. If you get reactions like that enough, you start to learn people's body language and can read them. Yes, there are times when people are just staring into space or trying to figure out who you are, but there is a differance in expression and facial contortion when it is a negative reaction.

[dulce]

How could I tell? Easy,look at the expression in her eyes[she was 2 feet away at the next table] and also look at her body language.If she had been across the room,unless she snickers and points at me while nodding her head in disapproval to someone else[yes,that has happened also but it was another time and person ]it would be much harder to tell .If her deliberate unwavering staring only, had occurred across a room ,I don't think I could have been so sure of the intent and it would have been much easier to ignore which I would have done.Unless it happens to you and you are my age with long hair you cannot know what it feels like.Also I don't live in a big city,I live on an island in a small town.Big cities are notoriously more open minded.Staring occasionally at people over curiosity etc. is normal.Prolonged unwavering deliberate nonstop staring is a form of harrassment/bullying.It makes people uncomfortable,that's why some do it.I realize it sounds defensive to those of you that don't understand, but after 4 years of this kind of treatment, enough is enough.Unless you have been in my shoes and lived it, it is easy to dismiss me as "odd' etc.Why is it so difficult for a few of you to believe me? Or that this can happen?Just because you've never been in this situation does not mean it can't happen.And I do not dislike all old people,at over 50, I now qualify as old too. Older men have never given me any hassel,only older [for some reason short haired]women and NOT ALL ,only some,but those few are really hurtful.Have never had younger women react either.Have also met some long gray haired older women in passing in stores and we always give each other this special smile.Being long and gray when older in this society is difficult sometimes, because of female societal expectations.Why is that so hard to believe?That's all I'm trying to say.I do find one or two of the comments given here about your presumption of my state of mind to to be a little hurtful .Now I'm off to another thread as to those of you that don't understand, we shall have to agree to disagree.

[nellreno]

Hmmm. Interesting, I didn't know that long hair equaled popularity. :shrug:

Where do I need to go to cash in my popularity? If I trim my hair do I lose a friend? :p

[duchesswannabe]

How could I tell? And I do not dislike all old people,at over 50, I now qualify as old too.

Dulce, I like the posts I have seen so far by you (I have only been on here for 2 months). However, I feel that you sell yourself short. I am 51 years old in a few weeks but I don't act or feel old, except I get weary of life often. I really get tired of people calling 50 old. What is that supposed to do for vibrant people at large at that age? Is Jamie Lee Curtis old to you? (I hate using that example as it is so ubiquitous, but it is the first one I could think of.) I know we are not all actresses or models, but it does no one any good to call 50 or a little more old. There are too many people out there working and living very hard at that age to qualify for that. Please don't lump yourself in with people 30 or more years your senior. That's like a teenager lumping herself in with people our age.

[gretchen_hair]

I think I am simply seeing the *knowing they hate my hair because they are looking at me* as being paranoid. Maybe you do have a reason to believe this is why they are looking at you, if that is the case, it is a sad way to have to go through life.

I have never received any negative comments nor looks (that I know of, but I don't pay attention much of the time) regarding my hair or any other body part. If someone did comment in a derogatory way, I would tell them to eff off. Literally.

If someone were staring at me I would want to make sure WHY before I went off on them, I would ask *can I help you*? if they said no, I would tell them that I wondered why they were staring so intently and I wondered if they thought they knew me.

People have no right to tell you anything about your hair, your looks, your clothes, etc etc etc. Give them an earful if they do. I think I was just trying to get the point across that you might want to make sure they were really hating on you before you either told them off or gave them hell.

I suppose only you know what is going on in your life and if you have had enough crappy comments or looks then you would be able to pick up on it. I just hope that you aren't taking every look and a hater look because you have had some bad experiences.

As for the gym situation, I would never have let anyone run me off or get by with smack talking, I would have asked her what her problem was and if she continued I would have gone to the instructor or owner in regards to her aggressive behavior and made sure that they put a stop to it or took care of the situation.

When someone is wearing clothing/jewelry/etc, that is not the norm, you will get looks because people aren't used to seeing that particular stylet. I do understand looking (but I personally like different looks) but looking and snarling is not cool. :( I also understand knowing when someone looks you up and down and makes a face, you know they are disliking your choice of apparel. But ones hair is a permanent part of their body (mostly, lol) it isn't something that can be swapped out at a moments notice.

I guess I have been lucky, no one has said anything to me about much of anything. I would hate to have to walk around all the time thinking that people disliked me because of my hair or clothes or anything else for that matter. :(

[redmj]

Ha I donated my hair when I was a teenager. I cried as it was cut and never even recieved anything letting me know they got it. Never will I donate to them again.

[Athena's Owl]

This really makes me wonder. Why would you immediately assume that the ladies were staring at you in a hostile way because of your hair? That just seems odd.

I'm curious to know how you score on the "Mind in the Eyes" test: http://glennrowe.net/BaronCohen/Faces/EyesTest.aspx

For a lot of people, it's not at all unusual to be able to look at someone's facial expression and be able to successfully interpret their hostility or friendliness toward you by their facial expression. It's a normal part of brain function, and an unconscious knowledge that is vital to a species of intelligent social primates who tend to group together around a few shared characteristics or attitudes, even if they happen to be obviously silly ones. Hope this helps you see why it's not so odd after all. :)

[gretchen_hair]

I did try this for the heck of it and got a 26. Which states that I can read people pretty well.

My main point was......how does someone know.....from a look alone....that someone hates your HAIR? Maybe it's something else that they despise, your face, your voice, your actions. I was saying that it's far fetched to automatically conclude that a) this person hates your hair and b) almost every older woman you come into contact with hates your HAIR. It just seems really paranoid and a bit self centered.




I'm curious to know how you score on the "Mind in the Eyes" test: http://glennrowe.net/BaronCohen/Faces/EyesTest.aspx

For a lot of people, it's not at all unusual to be able to look at someone's facial expression and be able to successfully interpret their hostility or friendliness toward you by their facial expression. It's a normal part of brain function, and an unconscious knowledge that is vital to a species of intelligent social primates who tend to group together around a few shared characteristics or attitudes, even if they happen to be obviously silly ones. Hope this helps you see why it's not so odd after all. :)

[pepperminttea]

I did try this for the heck of it and got a 26. Which states that I can read people pretty well.

My main point was......how does someone know.....from a look alone....that someone hates your HAIR? Maybe it's something else that they despise, your face, your voice, your actions. I was saying that it's far fetched to automatically concluse that a) this person hates your hair and b) almost every older woman you come into contact with hates your HAIR. It just seems really paranoid and a bit self centered.

Sometimes you can just tell. :shrug: You follow where their eyes go, see their expression change. Sometimes they'll even point, or look again at the specific part of you while whispering to someone near them, and then that person will look too and do exactly the same thing. I get it a lot, not about my hair, but the more you see it happening around you, the easier it is to spot.

You don't have to be paranoid or self-centred to know when someone doesn't like something about you, is all I'm saying.



I'm curious to know how you score on the "Mind in the Eyes" test: http://glennrowe.net/BaronCohen/Faces/EyesTest.aspx

Thanks for the link, that was interesting. :) (I got 32.)

[mrs_coffee]

I'm curious to know how you score on the "Mind in the Eyes" test: [url]http://glennrowe.net/BaronCohen/Faces/EyesTest.aspx[/url

That was interesting. I got a 30. People have made remarks about me growing out my hair at my age. My feeling is that they can think whatever they want about me, I just can't be bothered to care.

[gretchen_hair]

Maybe people are misunderstanding me or else I misunderstood the episode in Tim Hortons with Dulce.

She said the woman was glaring at her, not whispering, or pointing, or talking, just *looking with disapproval*

How would someone *simply know* from a glaring look, that the person looking hated their hair or disapproved?

She said the person was looking at her in her eyes, it was a stare down. This is what I am not comprehending. If someone is staring in your eyes, you cannot read their minds. How do you know they don't dislike something else about you or everything about you?


Sometimes you can just tell. :shrug: You follow where their eyes go, see their expression change. Sometimes they'll even point, or look again at the specific part of you while whispering to someone near them, and then that person will look too and do exactly the same thing. I get it a lot, not about my hair, but the more you see it happening around you, the easier it is to spot.

You don't have to be paranoid or self-centred to know when someone doesn't like something about you, is all I'm saying.




Thanks for the link, that was interesting. :) (I got 32.)

[mrs_coffee]

She said the person was looking at her in her eyes, it was a stare down. This is what I am not comprehending. If someone is staring in your eyes, you cannot read their minds. How do you know they don't dislike something else about you or everything about you?

I understood what you meant. Maybe the woman was annoyed with something else entirely and just happened to look her way. Maybe she was staring mindlessly while daydreaming/thinking about some unpleasant issue she is dealing with. It's impossible to know what another person is thinking solely based on the fact that they are looking your way. They might not be thinking about you at all.

[gretchen_hair]

Thank Heavens! I thought I was a total idiot or completely socially inept!

This was what I was wondering, I never think anyone is looking at me or thinking about me in any way. If I see them looking I say *hi* and if they stare I would ask something like *do I have tp on my shoe or something*? Because I really wonder if something is amiss and they are just noticing it and I don't.

I do notice peoples actions or reactions sometimes, usually right after I say something really dirty to my sweetie and I didn't realize anyone was in ear shot or when I have made some strange movement (almost falling in the pond at the park, etc) But that is something that would catch someones attention, even then, I don't think I always notice. :o



I understood what you meant. Maybe the woman was annoyed with something else entirely and just happened to look her way. Maybe she was staring mindlessly while daydreaming/thinking about some unpleasant issue she is dealing with. It's impossible to know what another person is thinking solely based on the fact that they are looking your way. They might not be thinking about you at all.

[dulce]

Wow,this has turned into a rude thread!To be called "arrogant,self centered and paranoid" when you don't even know me,have never met me and weren't there when this happened.You just proved my point on how people can act..Wow is all I can say..Thank you to those of you that sent me personal messages and I'm fine,not angry just sad at how people can behave towards each other sometimes.But that's life.

[gretchen_hair]

Just to be clear....I said it *seemed* to *me* that those actions are paranoid, etc.

I never said that YOU per-se, are arrogant, self centered or paranoid. I perceived those actions, in general, as such.

My main point of confusion was.....how could someone stare into your eyes and you *know* that they are hating your hair/long hair/disapproving of your hair. just.by.looking.at.you? (not pointing, staring, looking up and down or directly at your hair or saying a word) :shrug:

But I wasn't the only one who thought that, I thought I was missing something. Apparently I am. :cool:


And I am not ACTING, I am completely baffled. The only explanation you gave was that almost all old ladies over 70 look at you in a hateful way because of your hair and that you *knew it* by the *expression in their eyes*

And you say I *proved your point*................your point was that old ladies have harrassed you over your hair, and these ladies were hating on you because of your hair. How is this conversation proof of that? Maybe they were confused because you were staring at THEM hatefully?






Wow,this has turned into a rude thread!To be called "arrogant,self centered and paranoid" when you don't even know me,have never met me and weren't there when this happened.You just proved my point on how people can act..Wow is all I can say..Thank you to those of you that sent me personal messages and I'm fine,not angry just sad at how people can behave towards each other sometimes.But that's life.

[dulce]

There is no point in contnuing to discuss it,it appears a few of you are determined to have a cat fight,well I'm not interested .Again thanks to those of you that sent me positive personal messages,they are much appreciated.It's nice to know that you understood what I was trying to say.Enough said.

[heidi w.]

I don't know that I'd call this jealous. From your original post, I gather this was posted on another internet site; therefore, it could just be a form of "trolls" talking trash just to wind up the masses and watch the flurry, and in this way, get their cookies, so to speak.

I rather doubt they're incredibly jealous of those with longer tresses. They can get a set of their own longer tresses with extensions, and ruin their own hair, if they like.

heidi w.

[gretchen_hair]

I agree and this will be my last post.

Once again it appears you are assuming someones intent.....I do not want a *cat fight*, I just wanted to comprehend where you were coming from. I kind of get it now, it seems that you invite conflict.

Color me stupid for trying the understand the why and the how. :confused:



There is no point in contnuing to discuss it,it appears a few of you are determined to have a cat fight,well I'm not interested .Again thanks to those of you that sent me positive personal messages,they are much appreciated.It's nice to know that you understood what I was trying to say.Enough said.

[slz]

I do not want a *cat fight*
It kinda looks like you are, or at least, nitpicking for the sake of it, because from everything dulce says it appears quite clearly why she thought the ladies' disapproval towards her person (for which I will take her word : it's quite easy to know if someone watches you in disapproval or is just merely staring in your general direction) was directed more precisely towards her hair : because everything else about her person is not unusual and nothing stands out to be posibly picked on that she knows of (about which she ould be mistaken : I decided to trust her on this part), and because she only runs into this kind of reaction (it's not a one time occurrence : it has happened several times if not on a regular basis) when her hair is down - nothing similar when it's bunned. Of couse we would never know for 100% surre unless she asks each person who acts disapproving towards her
So yeah, not taking what dulce says for granted and trying to systematically contradict seems rather pointless and, well, just driven by a will to pick about *something* (anything).

[dulce]

What I would find helpful is for people to help me deal with this frustrating for me problem.As I can see it my options are, give up and cut my hair short so I look like the majority of women my age,wear it up hidden all the time,ignore rude comments and actions,respond to these actions by letting people know it is not ok to do that to me or find a funny comment or comeback [that is probably the BEST solution ]but I don't have a funny bone in my body.Because this has been an ongoing problem for me I have discussed this on another forum when the issue came up,that does not mean I am a troll or a trouble maker.I am looking for solutions.Does anyone know any funny comments that could work ?Wish I could think of some but as I said I don't have a funny bone in my body.All my past posts on this forum have been supportive and helpful ,if you don't believe me,check them out.Comedy breaks down barriers , funny comebacks that would make me and the other party laugh would be great.Anyone got any ideas?I am quite willing to try this approach in the future.

[GlennaGirl]

What I would find helpful is for people to help me deal with this frustrating for me problem.As I can see it my options are, give up and cut my hair short so I look like the majority of women my age,wear it up hidden all the time,ignore rude comments and actions,respond to these actions by letting people know it is not ok to do that to me or find a funny comment or comeback [that is probably the BEST solution ]but I don't have a funny bone in my body.Because this has been an ongoing problem for me I have discussed this on another forum when the issue came up,that does not mean I am a troll or a trouble maker.I am looking for solutions.Does anyone know any funny comments that could work ?Wish I could think of some but as I said I don't have a funny bone in my body.All my past posts on this forum have been supportive and helpful ,if you don't believe me,check them out.Comedy breaks down barriers , funny comebacks that would make me and the other party laugh would be great.Anyone got any ideas?I am quite willing to try this approach in the future.

I'll help you, but please note, I can be pretty b*llsy at times. Not all the time. But about something like this, I would have literally asked her if there was a problem. I might have said, "Excuse me, I notice you staring. Can I help you with something?"

A coward would pull back, shake her head, mumble...play with her napkin...and stop staring. Almost guaranteed. Someone who was staring b/c she thought something on you looked nice, would come out then and openly say it, 9 times out of 10. So you can't lose. I wouldn't try to think of something funny OR something stern. I would remain neutral. I wouldn't want to look like I'd been practicing what to say, or that I was on the defensive. I'd want to make someone rude feel like the idiot, not make myself look like I was used to negative glares (which having a prepared funny comment might do); in that case, the person would think, "Oh, she gets this all the time, I'm not alone, I can keep on glaring."

[Toadstool]

Hey Dulce, sorry for what you have been through and the rudeness of strangers. I can't think of a funny comment sorry.
As an aside, I have done that "Mind in their eyes" test before and scored incredibly low, but I am waiting for an assessment for Asperger's. I find it incredible that people can tell what someone is feeling through just looking at their eyes!

[HairFaerie]

Here are a few suggested comments when someone is staring like that:

"Do I have parsley in my teeth or something?"

"Take a picture, it will last longer!"

"You have very beautiful eyes!" (Turn it on them, they won't know how to react, trust me!)

I like GlennaGirl's suggestion too "Excuse me, I notice you staring. Can I help you with something?"

Or, you can be downright vicious and say what my fiance would say "What the #^@% are you looking at?"

There are also a few non-verbal approaches:

If you are very brave you can make an extremely silly face at them. That is a surefire way to guarantee they will probably look away and not look back again!

Start blatantly picking your nose. They will be mortified and forget why they were staring at you to begin with!

[HairFaerie]

Another very subtle approach would be to say "You look very familiar. Do I know you?"
That opens up a non-aggressive dialogue and lets them know that you noticed them staring.

I, however, am a big fan of some of my other non-so-subtle suggestions, depending on what kind of mood I am in! :)

[mrs_coffee]

What I would find helpful is for people to help me deal with this frustrating for me problem.As I can see it my options are, give up and cut my hair short so I look like the majority of women my age,wear it up hidden all the time,ignore rude comments and actions,respond to these actions by letting people know it is not ok to do that to me or find a funny comment or comeback [that is probably the BEST solution ]but I don't have a funny bone in my body.

I go the ignore route. There will always be someone who doesn't like something about you. But who cares? If you're happy with yourself, let them think whatever they want.

[dulce]

Eyes do convey expression.Have you heard the often quoted expression about eyes as" windows to the soul".You can see the gaze of love,anger,surprise,etc.Do you have many pets?I have a 12 year old mulloccan female cockatoo[very intelligent birds!],she loves all men especially my hubbie and likes me but because I am a female she will never like me as well.Many larger sized adult pet parrots form a preference for one sex over the other of the human species[they become a substitute mate in the bird's eyes].She also has hormonal cycles[like our periods] and PMS,when she is in her PMS-Y hormonal stage,if I approach her cage[in her mind ,her" nest"] her eyes literally change,the pupils become like pin points.If I don't heed her expression she will bite HARD! At other times of the month her eyes are clear and open with a gentle gaze and I can come near her cage with no problem.The previous owner had told me about this and boy was she right!Of course I don't read people's pupils ,but am just saying eyes do carry expression in a lot of species not just humans.Ever heard the expression"blank stare"?Just because I say I can sometimes read people's expressions or body language[sometimes not all the time!] doesn't mean I have mental issues.I do a lot of work with different animals and originally learned to read body language and facial expression/eyes through them.They don't communicate with words [exception for some parrots]. .I have had several different species of cockatoos,an african gray,multiple dogs of all sizes/breeds and cats as well as iguanas[he was difficult to "read" ]only his tail movements gave an inkling as to how he felt.When angry he would swish his tail around and if really mad he'd literally hit you very hard with his tail!He could break the leg bone of a small dog it was that hard.The latest research says that african grays can now actually understand words and use the correct words for a specific situation.Previously the consensus was that they only "parrotted" words[imitated] words .Anyone that had one as a pet and interacted with it could have told those researchers that years ago! They do understand a lot more than was previously recognized! I Love animals,we can learn so much from them. So I find it sad that people find me strange when I say you can" read "[some] people by body language etc..Some people, like some animals are not easy to figure out though.Ever watched "criminal minds"?it's a tv show,they use criminal profilers who are experts in "reading" people.Anyway ,maybe next time someone near me stares continuously I might l say,"I notice you're staring at me,can I help you?"I had thought that might be too confrontational especially if they decide to really tell me what they think,not sure how to handle that..It could get dicey or embarrassing!

[dulce]

Thanks for some of the suggestions,I got a good laugh,I needed that!I especially liked the parsely one, that was good!!Picking the nose and you look familiar/have beautiful eyes was also good.If far away I would ignore it all but if they are two feet away and keep doing it, it gets very uncomfortable and I still feel I need to find a way to deal with it.

[HairFaerie]

I can remember when I was in the third grade. It was "bring your parents to lunch" day. A kid's dad was sitting across from me. He was middle aged and he had braces. I had never seen anyone other than a kid wear braces at that time and I was unconsciously staring at him. The man politely looked at me and said "Are you staring at these?" He smiled really big to show me his braces. I nodded and said "Yes." He then replied "Yes, they do look weird, huh? I can't wait to get them taken off!" He was very kind and gentle but he did draw it to my attention diplomatically that I was staring.

That's the only time I can remember something like that happening to me. If I find myself staring at someone, I usually know why and I immediately tell them "You have parsley in your teeth", "You have pretty hair (eyes, etc.)" "I think I know you from somewhere but I can't place where". That way they know exactly why I am staring at them and it opens up a friendly dialogue too.

Now, the other way around can get more tricky for me, like I said - depends on the mood I am in. I too, think I am pretty good at judging someone's motives just by how they look at me. I can definitely tell the difference between someone who is staring because they think they might recognize me from somewhere versus an aggressive stare. I don't get many aggressive stares. I have absolutely no problem starring someone straight in the eye if I see them looking at me. That is usually a huge deterrent for them immediately anyway and they stop. (Or it prompts them to open friendly dialogue.

Other than that, it's all in a matter of what you are comfortable with. Obviously it bothers you and you don't like to ignore it otherwise you wouldn't be asking for advise. My advise would then be to experiment with different things that you are comfortable with until you find something that works. :)

[dulce]

Good advice HairFaerie,that's why I brought this up,to get some suggestions on how to deal with it so I don't feel so frustrated. Thanks for the many replies,most of which I would never have thought of.

[HairFaerie]

You're welcome! :)

[Toadstool]

just to add, when I said incredible, I didn't mean I don't believe it. I do, it's just that I can't do it myself so I find it surprising that others can so easily. That was very interesting about all the animals, Dulce.

ETA I would say "Can I help you?" which would hopefully embarrass them into looking away and make them take responsibility for their passive-aggressive staring.

[dulce]

"Can I help you?"is also really good!That, and the" parsely" are my favorites but they are all good. Thanks Toadstool!

[Athena's Owl]

Maybe people are misunderstanding me or else I misunderstood the episode in Tim Hortons with Dulce.

She said the woman was glaring at her, not whispering, or pointing, or talking, just *looking with disapproval*

How would someone *simply know* from a glaring look, that the person looking hated their hair or disapproved?

She said the person was looking at her in her eyes, it was a stare down. This is what I am not comprehending. If someone is staring in your eyes, you cannot read their minds. How do you know they don't dislike something else about you or everything about you?

Trust me gretchen. It's not a big mystery to most people. Humans are very social creatures, and many of them, if not most of them, can read a person's microexpressions and while they may not be studied enough to be able to say step by step the series of facial expressions and gaze positions to "show their work" like nonverbal communication was a mathematical equation, but that's simply a matter of deliberately studying something most people do with unconscious competence: correctly interpret a series of nonverbal gestures into a clear unspoken message. It's not the least bit unusual, and people do it all the time, and when you ask them "how do you know?" in most cases the response is "I just know," because most people do not make a deliberate study of microexpression and can't tell you step by step what happened. Your attempt to to invalidate that is disingenuous.

Add to that the tendency to seek conformity with a group in order to inform one's self concept and the tendency for suspicion of those not "like" you that is exploited regularly in media, news reporting, advertising, and entertainment, and it would be ludicrous to insist that dulce is delusional or reporting an incident fron self-centered persecution fantasy. She's reporting a thing that happens to many people every day, nearly every time a stranger sees her. something that happens to you nearly every time a stranger sees you, whether you aknowledge that or not. And something that you do every time you see a stranger, whether you aknowledge it or not.

[Athena's Owl]

What I would find helpful is for people to help me deal with this frustrating for me problem.

I'm not sure. Because of who I am and what I look like and where I live, I'm really used to people staring and judging. I've had a lifetime of it. I figure I need only worry about hostility that's going to explode into violence, and the rest of it is just crap I don't have time for - but this is an attitude that I have honed over decades.

I simply do not engage with people who are giving me the hairy eyeball beyond the occasional eyeroll and disdainful dismissal. I don't have enough time in the day to be a one woman outreach program.

[loveglam]

I recently had a girl comment on my long hair saying "Your hair is really thin isn't it?" after talking about how she recently cut hers. It had sounded like she regretted it, so she said it as somewhat of an insult. So without meaning to be rude I said, "Well yeah I'd rather have long thin hair, than short hair."

OP: Sometimes it has to do with jealousy. I don't get it though....work hard and grow your own hair out. I did, as most of us on here.

[longhairedlady]

OMG why do people think the only charitable thing to do when you have long hair is to whack it off?!?!?! Did they ever stop and think there is soooooooo many other and better ways of helping others?

[gretchen_hair]

I wasn't going to come back and post again but I had an experience this evening that I wanted to share.

I went with my sweetie to the Chinese Buffet and when we got our table we started getting our plates lined up to chow. We usually just get everything at once so we don't have to be up and down and we get 2 or 3 plates each right away.

I saw these 2 elderly ladies in their 70's, both with short white hair and they were sitting about 10 feet from us. I glanced and thought about Dulce's experiences and noticed the one lady looking at me.

I thought.....oh hell no, I am going to be eating my words tonight. I would glance, she would glance. Then I thought....no way, there is no way she is gonna harass me about my hair, maybe she's thinking that she likes it! Yeah....that's it, she thinks long hair is pretty! Then I thought, oh hell....she probably thinks we're total pigs and is disgusted with us. But then we are at a buffet and we try a little bit of a lot of things.

Lo and behold one lady gets up to go to the buffet, gets to our table and STOPS! I gulped, looked up at her and thought, *oh no*! She said, *I saw you looking at me and didn't want you to think I was staring at you* and I replied, *oh no, not at all* :)

She then said, *my husband is in the hospital with congestive hear failure right now and they are trying to get him stabilized, I saw your husband putting a lot of salt and soy sauce on his food and just cringed. That is the reason my husband is in the position he is in right now, all his life he used a lot of salt, even as a child. I don't want your husband to end up like that and I just had to tell you why I was staring*

I felt so sad for her, she was so despondent and her face was just so sad. :( It broke my heart and I made sure to wish her husband a quick recovery before I left.

This just goes to show you, we never truly know what people are thinking when they are looking at us.

I really thought it was going to be some Twilight Zone experience and that woman was going to say something crazy about my hair. In reality she was devastated over her husbands illness and hospitalization and she was concerned for my husband as well. :inlove:

In all honesty, I would never have even paid attention to them if they hadn't been 2 older white haired ladies and I didn't have my hair down. It wasn't about hair at all. I never noticed anyone else in the whole place. Sure, I saw people, I saw families. But I wasn't paying attention to people. I never really do. I do my thing, they do theirs and we all mind our own business.

[gretchen_hair]

I'll say it again, *I* do not think it is always, every single time, about the hair on Dulce's head that is causing people to look at her. :shrug: (of course, I could be wrong. It won't be the first or last time for that)

And I wasn't being *disingenuous*, I am being sincere, I simply cannot wrap my head around people constantly attacking Dulce, be it verbally or silently, about her hair. Her hair is not uncommon, different or extreme. It's hair. It's gray, for her age that's the norm. It's long, she's a woman, many woman have long hair.

If her hair were purple, or a Mohawk, or in dreadlocks, or all three, I could understand that people may look at her hair on those occasions. But honestly, I cannot see her whole town (or at least every old lady in her town) attacking her or harassing her over her *normal* head of hair. It just escapes me, I can't fathom it. It seems impossible. (that doesn't mean that it is impossible, just to *me* it seems implausible)

It seems out of the ordinary that every person, who is looking at Dulce in a way that she perceives as disapproving, is looking at her with hatred (or disapproval) simply because of her normal hair.

Now, that is *my* issue and I am just trying to pinpoint if maybe Dulce wasn't just preoccupied about the people who did hate (or disapproves of) her hair and gave her grief in the past and therefore maybe she saw every glance or look or stare as hatred (or disapproval) for her hair. I will never know, but I will continue to wonder.

Being different in a place where others are basically the same would make it a definite possibility that people would take notice, stare and maybe dislike you for whatever reason. That I can comprehend. But I just cannot comprehend that every old lady in Dulce's town hates (or disapproves of) her because she has long hair. :shrug:

It also doesn't make me anti social, clueless or a bumbling idiot because I am not micro analyzing every thought in everyones head and watching every move they make. I am usually busy doing my own thing and rarely *care* what people think or wonder if they are looking at me. I also don't think that people are hating on me (or showing their disapproval) when they are looking at me.



Trust me gretchen. It's not a big mystery to most people. Humans are very social creatures, and many of them, if not most of them, can read a person's microexpressions and while they may not be studied enough to be able to say step by step the series of facial expressions and gaze positions to "show their work" like nonverbal communication was a mathematical equation, but that's simply a matter of deliberately studying something most people do with unconscious competence: correctly interpret a series of nonverbal gestures into a clear unspoken message. It's not the least bit unusual, and people do it all the time, and when you ask them "how do you know?" in most cases the response is "I just know," because most people do not make a deliberate study of microexpression and can't tell you step by step what happened. Your attempt to to invalidate that is disingenuous.

Add to that the tendency to seek conformity with a group in order to inform one's self concept and the tendency for suspicion of those not "like" you that is exploited regularly in media, news reporting, advertising, and entertainment, and it would be ludicrous to insist that dulce is delusional or reporting an incident fron self-centered persecution fantasy. She's reporting a thing that happens to many people every day, nearly every time a stranger sees her. something that happens to you nearly every time a stranger sees you, whether you aknowledge that or not. And something that you do every time you see a stranger, whether you aknowledge it or not.

[Athena's Owl]

too strong a sentiment. Disapproval is not hate. it's unfair to exaggerate an everyday occurrence in order to invalidate it.

[gretchen_hair]

It's semantics. Disapproval, *hating on someone*, it's my own words for what's supposedly happening. When someone is giving your grief for your looks, hair, clothes, upbringing, etc etc etc, I call it *hating*, cause they're haters. I don't find it the description incorrect.

And I doubt that it's an every day occurence. But we all have our own opinions.


too strong a sentiment. Disapproval is not hate. it's unfair to exaggerate an everyday occurrence in order to invalidate it.

[dulce]

Wow-we are back to this again..I have said repeatedly NOT every lil old white short haired lady acts like this!!!!Just some.Also I am tired of having been made to have to explain/justify my feelings when I already have done so ad nauseum in this thread.If you can't understand what I am saying that's your problem.I don't owe you any explanation of my feelings,I was nice enough to try. I have a frustrating situation and asked for help and advice.That's it. Why on earth do you keep bringing this up Gretchen hair? Believe me or don't believe me ,that's your choice, but why keep harping on it. To those of you that gave me positive suggestions on how to deal with this,again,many thanks.I will try some of them out.

[dulce]

Sorry,I came on a little strong in my last post but am tired of this harping on whether it is true or actually happening .I find it odd that you continually want to micro-analyse my experiences/mindset to death.What is the point?I have had these experiences not you,you weren't even there.It's much more helpful to look at ways to on how to help me deal with it.

[dulce]

Anyway I'm off this thread permanantly after this message ,as it is no longer positive and it is in danger becoming a flaming thread with no signs of let up .Hope flaming is the right word.Am sure everyone knows what I meant if it is the wrong word.Anyone that wants to give me positive ideas on how to deal with this situation which frustrates me , feel free to contact me privately.

[Athena's Owl]

It's semantics. Disapproval, *hating on someone*, it's my own words for what's supposedly happening. When someone is giving your grief for your looks, hair, clothes, upbringing, etc etc etc, I call it *hating*, cause they're haters. I don't find it the description incorrect.

And I doubt that it's an every day occurence. But we all have our own opinions.

Gretchen_hair, is there something else at stake here for you? Because I don't know why you are arguing so tenaciously that dulce's experience is invalid - so tenaciously, in fact, that she's been driven right off the thread. Why are you arguing so persistently and at such length? what about dulce simply saying that older women sometimes look at her disapprovingly, and her interpretation of those looks has prompted you to oppose and diminish her experience with such vehemence? I have to wonder if it's triggering something personal for you, because I can't see why you are going after dulce over and over again about a perfectly ordinary reporting of an everyday occurrence. It was unkind of you to do this, and to continue to do this, even after somebody said "hey, that's not fair."

I'm saying it again. What you are doing to dulce is unfair. I don't know why you're badgering her. you're welcome to think whatever you want about anyone you want, but please, this isn't fair.

[gretchen_hair]

(quoted for reference)


Trust me gretchen. It's not a big mystery to most people. Humans are very social creatures, and many of them, if not most of them, can read a person's microexpressions and while they may not be studied enough to be able to say step by step the series of facial expressions and gaze positions to "show their work" like nonverbal communication was a mathematical equation, but that's simply a matter of deliberately studying something most people do with unconscious competence: correctly interpret a series of nonverbal gestures into a clear unspoken message. It's not the least bit unusual, and people do it all the time, and when you ask them "how do you know?" in most cases the response is "I just know," because most people do not make a deliberate study of microexpression and can't tell you step by step what happened. Your attempt to to invalidate that is disingenuous.

Add to that the tendency to seek conformity with a group in order to inform one's self concept and the tendency for suspicion of those not "like" you that is exploited regularly in media, news reporting, advertising, and entertainment, and it would be ludicrous to insist that dulce is delusional or reporting an incident fron self-centered persecution fantasy. She's reporting a thing that happens to many people every day, nearly every time a stranger sees her. something that happens to you nearly every time a stranger sees you, whether you aknowledge that or not. And something that you do every time you see a stranger, whether you aknowledge it or not.


First of all, in my last post I already said that it was my own issue and I brought it up again because I was quoted (above)



Wow-we are back to this again..I have said repeatedly NOT every lil old white short haired lady acts like this!!!!Just some.Also I am tired of having been made to have to explain/justify my feelings when I already have done so ad nauseum in this thread.If you can't understand what I am saying that's your problem.I don't owe you any explanation of my feelings,I was nice enough to try. I have a frustrating situation and asked for help and advice.That's it. Why on earth do you keep bringing this up Gretchen hair? Believe me or don't believe me ,that's your choice, but why keep harping on it. To those of you that gave me positive suggestions on how to deal with this,again,many thanks.I will try some of them out.

I don't think that me, trying to comprehend how these occurences happen regularly are badgering, especially when I was responding to your quote, but so be it. This will be my last post.

I said that before but I wanted to post an experience that I thought was relevant to the situation. When I saw your quote I replied and it just continues on.

Dulce has her mind set, you have your mind set and I have my mind set. Three trains going on different tracks and headed for a train wreck at the end.

Dulce can think as she wishes, as can you, as can I.

I am going to leave the thread alone because it is going nowhere fast.




Gretchen_hair, is there something else at stake here for you? Because I don't know why you are arguing so tenaciously that dulce's experience is invalid - so tenaciously, in fact, that she's been driven right off the thread. Why are you arguing so persistently and at such length? what about dulce simply saying that older women sometimes look at her disapprovingly, and her interpretation of those looks has prompted you to oppose and diminish her experience with such vehemence? I have to wonder if it's triggering something personal for you, because I can't see why you are going after dulce over and over again about a perfectly ordinary reporting of an everyday occurrence. It was unkind of you to do this, and to continue to do this, even after somebody said "hey, that's not fair."

I'm saying it again. What you are doing to dulce is unfair. I don't know why you're badgering her. you're welcome to think whatever you want about anyone you want, but please, this isn't fair.

[gretchen_hair]

I must aplogize, I entirely missed what you said in the beginning of this post. :o

I did not see where you did address my question with examples.





Gretchethon,you have no idea what I am talking about or am dealing with as you weren't there.How do comments from strangers such as "you''re trying to look like a teenager" said to your face sound to you? Or actually being pointed at,while one woman is talking to another deliberately in a very loud voice[so I could hear it] saying what she thinks of my hair[not positive]..Or being directly pointed at and snickered at with whispering at as I walk by ..Try getting this almost every time I wear my hair loose.How would you feel?As for the stare-athon,I was setting my boundary limits,it is extremely rude what she did ,so I decided to stand up for myself and give her a taste of her own medicine.I could have said something to her but felt by hopefully making her embarrassed the same way she did me,she'd realize what she was doing and hopefully not do that to me any longer or to others in the future.. Call that immature if you want.I am sick of people not minding their own business and think it's ok to embarrass me because they don't approve of my hair.I used to just ignore it but over time I've gotten fed up and realized no-one has the right to treat someone like that ,and I do have the right to stand up for myself. This is a really sore point for me as it keeps happening and always it's from older short haired ladies in their 70's.I realize with the generation before me[I am in my 50's] ,many have been brainwashed that the older you are the shorter the hair . And to some of them I probably am doing something disgraceful in their eyes by not following conventional norms but I still have the right to do what I want with my hair, it doesn't hurt them,nor is it any of their business..This is what makes me angry,disapprove of my hair privately if you want, but don't be rude to my face.That is unacceptable and I will let people know that.If that's immaturity then so be it.

[growfro]

UGH! The girls with long hair on tumblr if anything give me so much inspiration to grow my hair long!! Last I remember, hair is your own property so... Do with it what you will! Donating hair is a wonderful thing to do, but that's not everyones intention when they grow long hair.

[Vanille_]

I don't really see why this quote from tumblr needed to be posted here.

You can't be a member of LHC for long without hearing about someone's irrelevant opinion about what other people "ought" to be doing with hair that doesn't happen to be on their own heads. Why bring this person's words here so she can be mocked by others who don't know her? It seems kind of nasty and catty to me.

But don't we have a thread devoted to this very thing?

[Veviticus]

it's been posted around here that Locks Of Love doesn't use most of the hair that is donated to them... I'd have to find the details, but the hair has to be virgin and in very good condition, but most of the hair that gets donated gets thrown away!

so I like people that do research before making statements of what someone should do.

And nor do they accept dreadlocks!:disgust:

[IubireaDraga]

I love my tumblr girls, and I love their long hair! Especially Aleksandra Repnitskaja .. her hair is my dream.

here is a tumblr with her pics

http://aleksandrarepnitskaja.tumblr.com

[TiffanieJean]

Why is she so concerned with other people's hair? If she cares so much about donating hair, maybe she should grow out her hair and donate it. :p

EXACTLY. What's the point of telling other people what to do if you don't do what you say?

[mzBANGBANG]

I find this entire thread funny mostly because I've never used tumblr. Personally, I always got the most attention with my shaved head/pixie cut. I just wanted to grow my hair long enough to feel cloaked by it.

And no way would I donate it! I don't trust what they'd do with all of this hard work. Probably sell it and nothing generous. But that's just me, maybe I'll change my mind later.

[growfro]

Eeek, did not mean to wake up this previously tense post.. Sorry if I've brought it to light for anyone who wished it weren't at the top again! :run:

[Long_hair_bear]

Well, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Honestly, a lot of the synthetic wigs they make nowadays are AMAZING though, and if I went bald from cancer and felt the need to wear a wig, that's the route I would go. Truly, the idea of wearing someone else's hair on my head makes my scalp itchy! At least with a synthetic wig, I can rest assured "No heads of hair were harmed in the making of this wig." :D

If, in the future however, I deem such a comment made to me when people see my (someday) long hair worthy of any notice on my part, I'll simply tell that person the truth: "Well, Locks of Love wouldn't accept my hair because it isn't virgin, and even if they would, I still wouldn't chop it off because I worked hard for years to get it this long, but if you feel the need to grow your own hair out for 6- 8 years and keep it in perfect condition only to get whacked off and handed over to someone else, go right on ahead." :P

That's what I'm gonna say too. If *she* feels the need to grow her hair for years and years to donate to a scam charity, she can go right ahead.

[vrm84]

Can't really agree with you.... Its their hair and if they like it that way.... Plus, I love long hair so..... I don't know