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View Full Version : Had a real "frump" moment - gah!



julliams
October 16th, 2011, 03:11 AM
Mostly I love my long hair but every so often I have a real frump moment and it's often when I'm out shopping.

I took my almost 13 year old daughter out to get some new clothes and there is nothing like walking around crowded clothing stores with really loud music filled with teens to make any mother feel like a frump.

I caught my reflection a couple of times and really saw my age (which is still young relatively speaking but...). I looked at all the other mothers with their teens and most had shorter styled, layered, more trendy styles. I wonder if they felt like I did - I really wanted to ask but didn't dare.

I felt like a purse-shaped frump with long hair trailing my daughter. Of course it only lasted as long as the shopping trip did, although I ended up throwing it into a bun because I felt self-conscious. Silly, I know. My daughter seemed happy enough to be shopping with me so it wasn't her interpretation of the event - just mine.

On the contrary, I had the opposite experience at the Louvre just recently. The constant theme in many paintings was long luscious hair, often with my hair colour. I felt so proud to be just past waist and a strawberry blonde.

Odd how this happens. I guess it has alot to do with mood.

Slinks
October 16th, 2011, 03:28 AM
yeah !! I have frumpy moments but my DD is 18 and my son's GF is 19 and when I catch myself in the mirrors of those teen dress stores, I can't help but think I'm "old" but these 2 are really good - they think I'm so cool at 47 :-) makes me feel better .. and in my shopping mall that we frequent often there are so many long hairs around my age .. so yeah I think we all feel it, the trick is not to show it ..

Dreams_in_Pink
October 16th, 2011, 04:15 AM
I don't think it has anything to do with long hair. Maybe other moms dressed more stylish or they had better makeup on than you, both has a bigger impact on how a woman looks. Think of all the stars who wear waist-TB length extensions (Kim K., Miley Cyrus, etc.)

luxepiggy
October 16th, 2011, 04:41 AM
No no no! You've got it backwards! Soccer mom haircuts are frumpy. Long hair is the antithesis of a soccer mom haircut . . .ergo, not frumpy (^(oo)^)v

My own mom looks so much younger and more chic with her current APL hair! It seriously took at least a decade off, compared to the old short "practical mom" haircut she had when I was in high school.

mrs_coffee
October 16th, 2011, 05:18 AM
I've had short hair for most of my life and I promise you it has more to do with your mood and how you're feeling in general than it does the length of your hair. I have a layered shoulder length cut right now and it's cute, but I still feel like I look old some days and great other days. It just depends.

julliams
October 16th, 2011, 05:50 AM
Well my outfit was fine but I think i wasn't wearing make up so that probably had alot to do with it. Plus having just got off a plane from a 24 hour flight three days ago there are definitely some dark circles going on under the eyes.

But seriously, I had a half up in a cute clip, but I really do think that it was my hair... and my mood.... and the fact that I had no make up...... am 20kg heavier than when I was a teen......and........my mood.

Panth
October 16th, 2011, 06:06 AM
I'm in my early twenties and I feel like that in those shops. I think it's just the confrontation en mass with a value system that thinks that artificiality, anorexia, youth, and transience is the epitome of beauty...

julliams
October 16th, 2011, 06:10 AM
We went into the store next door and the sales girl (who looked in her early 20's) said she went in there to ask for a black top and was waved over in the general direction. So she asked if he could show her where they were exactly and he said "well we do have some but they are a bit young..." She said she had never been so insulted. She asked him "well how old do you think I am?" and walked out. So I'm not alone.

thelittlestdoc
October 16th, 2011, 08:05 AM
I think we all have these frump moments. I'm in my early 20s, and in shops I often find myself comparing my appearance with other women (of all ages) both favorably and unfavorably. I sometimes find myself admiring the short, bouncy hairstyles (which I've had before and have to constantly remind myself how much I HATED) and heat-styled longer looks. Then I touch my hair and think about how much healthier and softer it is than when my hair looked like theirs.

Anyway, I definitely sympathize. Some days you just have to take a deep breath and: :cheese:

lillylonghair
October 16th, 2011, 08:06 AM
Ok I think it was just the atmosphere and not you at all. First of all I have never looked at your age and just from your sig pic,I assumed you were younger:) Second of all,I am a 24 year old mom and while I could shop in the those stores,the last time I went into a ''teen'' store (Wet Seal,I think) I felt like such a wet blanket! The ''music'' made me want to strangle someone and clothes,yick! So it's not just you!

Changling
October 16th, 2011, 08:13 AM
No no no! You've got it backwards! Soccer mom haircuts are frumpy. Long hair is the antithesis of a soccer mom haircut . . .ergo, not frumpy (^(oo)^)v

My own mom looks so much younger and more chic with her current APL hair! It seriously took at least a decade off, compared to the old short "practical mom" haircut she had when I was in high school.


Yes, yes! Listen to luxepiggy, she is right! Nothing is as youthful and sexy as long, luscious hair!

Feeling frumpy is just a thing every woman has to deal with. It sucks but you just gotta keep your chin up!

Maverick494
October 16th, 2011, 08:40 AM
I can definitely understand where you're coming from. I'm 23, so I'm still young but already I can sense that the marketing focus is not on people my age anymore, but on teens. It's all about looking youthful and flawless. In the ads they also have these really young models (aged somewhere around 16) which makes pretty much everyone 'old' in comparison.

Hell, celebrities like Megan Fox (who is 25) already use botox and chemical face peels to keep their skin taut and wrinkle free, giving them this alien wax statue look. I think it's sad. Think about it, if you think you're old at my age you're going to be 'old' for 3/4s of your life!

I actually look up to more mature women. They have more life experience and wisdom, which you can tell from their eyes and appearance. I especially like it when a woman doesn't let age stop her from dressing and doing her hair the way she wants it. People get so hung up on age. By this age you need to do this, by that age you can't do that, blah blah blah. It's BS. It's never too late to do anything as long as you have the wisdom to realize your freedom.

You're not frumpy, OP. Hell, people tell me I'm getting too old for waistlength hair at my young age. They seem to think only kids and teens should have it. Well I don't care. I love long hair, I love it on me. Those who succumb to the media pressure are the frumpy ones.

citadel
October 16th, 2011, 08:44 AM
I'm only in my mid-20s, but there are times when I feel weird about growing my hair long. None of my friends really "get" it because they love going to salons every month. Luckily, though, the retail company that I work for encourages long, natural hair (the "look" guidelines say that they prefer long length, no heat styling) so I never feel out of place at work.

Buggheart
October 16th, 2011, 08:51 AM
I have the same issue at times, usually when I'm out shopping unexpectedly and end up in front of the mirror too much. If I know I'm shopping for clothes I make sure to do my hair and makeup well so it's not so sad when I look in the mirror for all that time. Plus the lighting in stores is so bad that doesn't help.

amyhenna
October 16th, 2011, 09:08 AM
I'm 41 and I when I see myself looking "not my best", I tell myself it's a temporary state because I can do myself up any time I want to. I know I can look awesome if I want to...it's just that I rarely take the time to do so. So any time I look "blah" in a mirror, all that means is I'm going out in stealth mode at the time: the real Amy lurks beneath, and can be unleashed any time I want to let her out ;-)

Delila
October 16th, 2011, 09:18 AM
... Odd how this happens. I guess it has alot to do with mood.

For me, too.


Lighting and the mirrors in those shops always conspires to make one look decades older, I'm assuming the younger set wants to look more mature so they don't mind.

I just think of ways and reasons to avoid cutting my hair. I know if I stick it out through the tough times, I'll eventually get over the moment of boredom/dislike and get back to enjoying my hair again.

FrozenBritannia
October 16th, 2011, 10:29 AM
Oh god, I haven't been able to shop in those stores since... Hmm. Before I was preggers the first time, so 18!
I just hated the clothes... No self respecting mama wears pants that show her butt crack BEFORE she even bends over to pick up the baby (or bottle, or suzie, or diaper bag, or blanket, or...) and of course after having the baby I wasn't super confident about my shape. (the boobs got huge).

But then I also couldn't shop in the mumsy stores, because was only 20 and it was a bit odd to be shopping at the same rack as a little grey haired old lady. (it still is).

Now the styles have changed a bit and I could probably get some clothes from some of the stores, but it feels weird to be shopping with kids who (and pardon this) weigh more than I do and haven't even had a baby yet. And it's not just one or two, it's all of them. Sometimes I feel like saying "You know, that look just isn't good on you!" because I swear they are purposely wearing clothes in as small as a size they can despite the fact they end up looking bigger than they are because of the muffin tops hanging out. :(

And then the uber skinny girls come in with over processed hair and I feel like I'm a hundred years old.

But then when I go to pay for something the sales lady asks them to step aside because there is a GIRL who wants to pay for something... :D (I told her I was married with two kids, but she didn't believe me).

So I think it's just SHOPPING in general that gets me down. LOL. Give me a catalogue any time!

jojo
October 16th, 2011, 11:26 AM
I feel this too sometimes but normally on days where ive just thrown anything on and no make up. I am 42 but some days feel 82, its just normal I think!

skydancer7
October 16th, 2011, 11:31 AM
You know, I often have frumpy moments at the mall too. I think it has something to do with the lighting; if I am not wearing makeup, those lights highlite every acne scar, every uneven spot in my skin.

I feel for ya!

ktani
October 16th, 2011, 12:22 PM
I agree that it is just mood.

I do not agree that short hair is necessarily any more aging than long hair is often accused of being.

I have seen some great short hair styles rocked by older women.

It is a matter of what suits the individual.

If you are feeling the frumpy mood again, try arranging your hair a little differently or just experimenting with an updo you like and change it around.

akuamoonmaui
October 16th, 2011, 12:46 PM
I'm deathly afraid of frump-dom. I realized that about 7-8 years ago when I looked in the mirror and saw frump, not fabulous. I think "frump" means you don't care about yourself anymore, that life has gotten so overwhelming that you no longer have the energy or motivation to appreciate and spend time on your "beauty" at "this" time in your life. (By beauty I mean everything that makes you a wonderful person - not physical). I made a mental note to see what women were doing who were at least 10 years older than me who looked confident, wore their age well and tastefully and seemed to have an appreciation for living in their moment.

It seems to have worked for me. I feel attractive for my age (ugh, did I really say that??) Haha! And I appreciate the age that I am. My DD is 15 and we shop in "those" stores. I use those fashions as a guide line then take the idea and make it age appropriate. I don't want to be a teenager again so I don't have any desire to be able to wear them as the kids do.

OP: Your hair is beautiful! I can't imagine your hair making you frumpy! And what frump jumps for joy in her kitchen??? That pic cracks me up when I see it! I think "Rock on, Sister!" I think you were just feel less than 100% after traveling.

Unofficial_Rose
October 16th, 2011, 01:50 PM
I'm in my early twenties and I feel like that in those shops. I think it's just the confrontation en mass with a value system that thinks that artificiality, anorexia, youth, and transience is the epitome of beauty...

Yes, you know, you have just reminded me - so did I sometimes even at that age - so not surprising I felt like that on Saturday out shopping with 17 y.o. DS (I'm 47). What a perfect analysis of that scenario.

The OP does indeed have gorgeous, very unfrumpy hair.

longhairedwolf
October 16th, 2011, 02:02 PM
I'm sure you looked just fine!

In my oppinion both long hair and short hair can look stylish, or can look frumpy. It all has to do with the "stylishness" of the cut involved, not the length of the hair per se.

Keildra
October 16th, 2011, 09:29 PM
Oh god, I haven't been able to shop in those stores since... Hmm. Before I was preggers the first time, so 18!
I just hated the clothes... No self respecting mama wears pants that show her butt crack BEFORE she even bends over to pick up the baby (or bottle, or suzie, or diaper bag, or blanket, or...) and of course after having the baby I wasn't super confident about my shape. (the boobs got huge).

But then I also couldn't shop in the mumsy stores, because was only 20 and it was a bit odd to be shopping at the same rack as a little grey haired old lady. (it still is).

Now the styles have changed a bit and I could probably get some clothes from some of the stores, but it feels weird to be shopping with kids who (and pardon this) weigh more than I do and haven't even had a baby yet. And it's not just one or two, it's all of them. Sometimes I feel like saying "You know, that look just isn't good on you!" because I swear they are purposely wearing clothes in as small as a size they can despite the fact they end up looking bigger than they are because of the muffin tops hanging out. :(

And then the uber skinny girls come in with over processed hair and I feel like I'm a hundred years old.

But then when I go to pay for something the sales lady asks them to step aside because there is a GIRL who wants to pay for something... :D (I told her I was married with two kids, but she didn't believe me).

So I think it's just SHOPPING in general that gets me down. LOL. Give me a catalogue any time!
Totally agree with this one, I'm 21, I have a child, and I feel like I cannot where any type teen clothing. I went to the mall not too long ago and all I wanted to do was go into the book store and read because it was the only quiet store there.

allnight avenue
October 16th, 2011, 10:17 PM
I agree with the above sentiment that anyone can feel frumpy in a store.....I tried to go to Banana Republic today straight from the theater (where I'd been hanging lights and painting in ripped jeans) and I felt lousy about it, even though I was the youngest person there. One must get dolled up to go shopping!!

lastnite
October 16th, 2011, 10:25 PM
hmmm.. I feel frumpy and old since I wear my hair back in a bun most of the time but I don't know what else to do with it, so.... Also alot of women color or highlight their hair, and although I use henna I don't think it's really "in" or stylish.

FrozenBritannia
October 16th, 2011, 10:54 PM
Totally agree with this one, I'm 21, I have a child, and I feel like I cannot where any type teen clothing. I went to the mall not too long ago and all I wanted to do was go into the book store and read because it was the only quiet store there.

I LOVE the bookstore..... :inlove:

wtchmel
October 16th, 2011, 11:35 PM
Mostly I love my long hair but every so often I have a real frump moment and it's often when I'm out shopping.

I took my almost 13 year old daughter out to get some new clothes and there is nothing like walking around crowded clothing stores with really loud music filled with teens to make any mother feel like a frump.

I caught my reflection a couple of times and really saw my age (which is still young relatively speaking but...). I looked at all the other mothers with their teens and most had shorter styled, layered, more trendy styles. I wonder if they felt like I did - I really wanted to ask but didn't dare.

I felt like a purse-shaped frump with long hair trailing my daughter. Of course it only lasted as long as the shopping trip did, although I ended up throwing it into a bun because I felt self-conscious. Silly, I know. My daughter seemed happy enough to be shopping with me so it wasn't her interpretation of the event - just mine.

On the contrary, I had the opposite experience at the Louvre just recently. The constant theme in many paintings was long luscious hair, often with my hair colour. I felt so proud to be just past waist and a strawberry blonde.

Odd how this happens. I guess it has alot to do with mood.

:), okay, wait till your in your mid forties, listen to some music from your youthful days, and THEN you'll feel downright frumpy. My mom was right....when you age and you look in the mirror, what you see doesn't match how you feel inside, generally speaking (my own opinion)....... Something i tend to toooooaaattttlllly struggle with.....Sigh....(didn't use to be hair related till i went totally gray!!) :)

Astrophil
October 17th, 2011, 03:47 AM
I've gone from short hair to long and back a few times, and I always seem to wish I had the opposite of whatever I have at the moment. When my hair is long I see adorable elfin pixie cuts everywhere and when my hair is short all I notice is that everyone's hair is longer and prettier than mine. I dread this hair envy; it makes me feel really shallow, but it happens all the time anyway.

Just think what all those poor trendy-haired moms must be feeling, seeing someone with gorgeous long hair in the store; they probably felt frumpy, inadequate, and insecure. And don't forget that it's in the interest of the shopping center to make people feel old and out-of-place -- great encouragement to buy products to look younger and fit in.

Boo to all of this, I say. Someday I'm going to be confident in all aspects of life. Until then, I will pretend to be so.

Chromis
October 17th, 2011, 04:52 AM
I agree with the above sentiment that anyone can feel frumpy in a store.....I tried to go to Banana Republic today straight from the theater (where I'd been hanging lights and painting in ripped jeans) and I felt lousy about it, even though I was the youngest person there. One must get dolled up to go shopping!!

I find I get much better service if I make sure to dress nicely and and put on make-up. Dramatically so, I am talking the difference between having them fawn over me and happily bring me different sizes to the dressing room and having them ask to keep my bag behind the counter and give me dirty looks while they watch me like a hawk thinking I'm going to shoplift.

Ginny Mae
October 17th, 2011, 05:55 AM
OP you have lovely hair! And if it makes you feel any better, I guarantee that the majority of teens in there were feeling really self-conscious about their appearance. Sometimes I miss the perfect skin and weight I used to have as a teenager but it was completely wasted on me at the time - I spent most of my life worrying I didn't look trendy or cute enough. It's easy to forget how tough it is to be that age!

Nae
October 17th, 2011, 05:57 AM
One more reason to NOT go shopping. Bleh. The mall is great as long as you are hanging out at the bookstore or (sometimes) the jewelry stores. Everything else is so targeted at kids it is kinda funny.

Don't worry, you aren't frumpy. You just got off a plane, that is enough to put anyone in funk.

Mesmerise
October 17th, 2011, 07:23 AM
Oddly enough, long hair is one thing that DOESN'T make me feel frumpy :D. I guess it's because long hair is more common among teens and younger people here, than older people. I generally feel frumpier if a) I'm wearing no makeup, b) my hair is pulled back somehow. If my hair is flowing loose, I feel less frumpy.

My biggest issue is my weight though ;). Seeing a bunch of slim teens in their skinny jeans makes me feel like a mega-frump!!! I also feel frumpy when there are slim, athletic looking mums in my vicinity, regardless of their hairstyle! I figure if I lost those extra 20kg I'd lose most of the old frumpy feelings!

And yeah, my kids aren't embarrassed to be out in public with me yet either, which is a bonus!! I remember getting to 13-14 or so and being embarrassed to be out in public with my mum or dad :o.

redmj
October 17th, 2011, 07:29 AM
I'm in my early twenties and I feel like that in those shops. I think it's just the confrontation en mass with a value system that thinks that artificiality, anorexia, youth, and transience is the epitome of beauty...

Same here. Mid 20's here and even walking into those stores is enough to send me into a serious "frump funk". I have to admit though that is when I want to let my hair down and "stick it to em"!

TrudieCat
October 17th, 2011, 03:52 PM
Generally speaking (of course there are always exceptions) I tend to think that shorter haircuts age people more than long hair. I don't know if this is because so many people seem to cut their hair when they get older and I've come to associate shorter length with becoming older or what.

People talk about the "old lady bun" and such but honestly most older women everywhere I've ever lived have had short (shoulder length or above) hair. The people who wear their hair long, even in updos, tend to be very young. I'm close to 30 and most women I've known for a while have all cut their hair shorter and shorter in recent years. :shrug: When we were late teens/early twenties most of them had long hair, APL to BSL or so.

Obviously there are exceptions to this, but these have been my general observations.

invisiblebabe
October 17th, 2011, 04:44 PM
OP you have lovely hair! And if it makes you feel any better, I guarantee that the majority of teens in there were feeling really self-conscious about their appearance. Sometimes I miss the perfect skin and weight I used to have as a teenager but it was completely wasted on me at the time - I spent most of my life worrying I didn't look trendy or cute enough. It's easy to forget how tough it is to be that age!

I sure did NOT have perfect skin as a teenager, far from it :p interesting to hear that those who did have great skin struggled with not feeling pretty enough, too.

aspartame gram
October 17th, 2011, 07:58 PM
You know, I really don't like shopping at the mall. I feel that people are so pretentious when they dress up to shop. It just makes me feel incredibly awkward to see people trying so hard to imitate a trend and impress one another. I just avoid malls, in general.

Also, most of the clothing styles I just personally do not enjoy. And since I'm 4'10 NOTHING FITS. I'm 26 and people still card me. So, instead, I'll shop in the kid's section. :D

Mesmerise
October 17th, 2011, 09:59 PM
You know, I really don't like shopping at the mall. I feel that people are so pretentious when they dress up to shop. It just makes me feel incredibly awkward to see people trying so hard to imitate a trend and impress one another. I just avoid malls, in general.

Also, most of the clothing styles I just personally do not enjoy. And since I'm 4'10 NOTHING FITS. I'm 26 and people still card me. So, instead, I'll shop in the kid's section. :D

I would do this but I'm too fat for the kids' section :( (at 4'11" I have the same clothing issues!!!). I hardly ever go to the shops, unless I truly need something (or I'm being dragged along :p).

spidermom
October 17th, 2011, 11:10 PM
I know the feeling. I caught sight of myself with my hair down in the glass while entering a grocery store several years ago. The effect was messy, unkempt (especially considering my baggy jeans and shapeless sweater). Then we ran into a woman about my age who my husband was doing some plumbing work for. She had a snow-white pixie, makeup, and very neat, ironed clothes. She looked so chic, and I felt like such a schlup!

julliams
October 18th, 2011, 12:11 AM
And the annoying this way, I thought I looked nice when I left the house. It's like when I was younger and at the club and thinking I looked great until I got to the bathroom after 12am and realised that I was not looking as good as I was feeling - lol!! This was one of those moments only totally sober so no excuse!!

Slinks
October 18th, 2011, 12:30 AM
It's like when I was younger and at the club and thinking I looked great until I got to the bathroom after 12am and realised that I was not looking as good as I was feeling - lol!! This was one of those moments only totally sober so no excuse!!

I so LOL-ed at this comment .. true, so true !!! :eyebrows: