Understanding some common comments

[WaitingSoLong]

Ok, so instead of getting irritated about some (repetitve) comments I get regarding my hair, I would like to try to understand them. I have been getting them excessively lately and realized they were really getting on my nerves.

#1 is the Locks of Love comments. I am starting to get this more and more and am perplexed?

Do people WANT me to cut my hair? If so, why? Do they think it is gross? Are they envious? Does it make them uncomfortable so they want it to go away?
Or are they making a suggestion in case I feel generous and never thought of donating my hair? Do they think it is the "right thing to do" if you have such lengths? Like someone with extra money should donate to charities or something?
They just don't know what else to say and they all know a story about someone who had long hair and donated it, so they pick that?

#2 is " I can't have long hair because it gives me a headache". Again, I am getting this much more frequently and again, I am perplexed?

My hair weighs maybe a couple ounces (granted, maybe some people's hair weighs more)...what is to cause a headache? Or do they mean a headache because it requires so much work (as in, not a physical headache but an emotional headache)? Is it because when they put it up, it pulls? I will grant that I have had bun-headaches before I found sticks and other weight-distributing techniques but hair-headaches just made me change the updo, not the length. Is it a cop out? An excuse to why they have short hair? (like I care? How they wear their hair is none of my business). Maybe some people who experience hair headaches can explain.

#3 Have you ever cut your hair in your life?

Ok, I usually literally LOL at this one. Surely they know that hair keeps growing. Do they not realize how much hair they cut off every year to keep that short hair style? It is simple math, if you cut off 6" a year, figure out how many years it would take to reach about 3 feet. But I just laugh and say "I cut it every year". I think they think I have super powers or something.

If it is not a stranger, I usually just ask them questions back or educate them about Locks of Love, etc. But when it is a stranger, I never quite know what to say. Although I am considering making it my personal duty to hair-educate anyone who is bold enough to comment in such ways. I will just give them my undivided attention and give them more information than they could ever want (in a nice way).

Seriously though, I just wish to understand what is going through people's minds. I think most of the time people just DON'T think, they spout out whatever pops in their heads. I don't think they have any real idea why they say what they say and people often feel the need to say SOMEthing (when I am perfectly ok with silence). Ah well. I feel better already.

[Pixie0763]

I have known folks who grow their hair for the sole purpose of donating it to Locks of Love; I'm guessing this may be where #1 comes in?

#2 & #3 sounds like idle chatter? Again just guessing, but maybe these folks are really interested in you educating them about long hair, and these comments are their way to break the ice, get you talking about it?

I dream of the day I have long hair again! :)

[jojo]

they all sound like the green eye monster to me, donate, do you ever cut = we want you to look the same as us because you get more attention than us!

the headache one= im gonna plant a seed of doubt in your head and if you get a headache you will think its your hair and cut!

Tell them to p155 off! your hairs lovely so you take no notice of them

[Madora]

I believe it just boils down to ignorance, as far as 2 and 3 are concerned.

People think that if you have long hair, wearing it up automatically gives you a headache. They don't realize that styling it properly (i.e. hair sectioned to distribute the weight) will not give you a headache.

As for the questions about whether your hair has ever been cut, most people, since they're short haired, don't give much thought to how much they snip off. Those of us growing our hair long know how much (on average) hair grows each month and we do the math to determine how long it will take to reach our goals. Many folks can't seem to understand that just because you have long hair doesn't necessarily mean you've never, ever, cut it!

[Silver Strands]

I'm going to say that the headache one is pretty common.

I've actually cut my hair in the past because of hair headaches because I didn't know any better.
I am prone to migraines and if I get a hair headache I sometimes ignore it because of being busy and then by the end of the day, I have a roaring headache which might have been avoided if I had just taken the time to fix what was pulling.

When you're that sick, you don't always put 2+2 together to figure out the real culprit.

I think there are women who are prone to headaches and are perhaps wishing they could have long hair but think they can't.

I think hair dressers/ articles, etc. keep that urban myth going.

[Dorothy]

I think they're just trying to make conversation as humans like to connect somehow. Being uneducated about long hair, they don't understand how *exquisitely* sensitive we are about our hair, and they certainly don't understand all the work, patience, study and care that goes into growing long hair. So they make attempts at conversation that seem insulting or clumsy to us, but they are, for the most part, just doing the best they can.

There may be an occasional jealous person, but most people I encounter don't really want super long hair. At the moment, they seem to want streaks and flat ironed hair, because that's what's in fashion now (I think. It's hard to keep up when you're not invested in that). And they're completely unconcerned that this is damaging to their hair, they'll never notice, because they'll cut before they ever see the damage.

But I go ahead and load them up with unwanted hair info anyway. Perhaps they think I'm jealous of their streaks and ironed-ness.

[tigereye]

I never had anyone talk about locks of love to me yet, so can't answer for number 1. I can say, though, that I wouldn't be particularly impressed if they did. Would probably tell them that if they cared that much about it, then they should try growing out their hair just to chop it off and donate it. Granted, some people do donate, but I would rather put in my time and money with charity work than just donate hair. I think it would be much more prevelant to help cancer research UK , who try to find cures, than donate hair, because I think most people would just rather be cured.

As for 2, my hair is really quite heavy, especially when it passed hip, but I never thought I got headaches from it. Ponytails would fall down my head, and annoy me, but I generally don't ponytail much. I have my hair in various buns most of the time, and down the rest. When I have it up, I'll use sticks and hairtoys. Every so often I'll do a crown braid or something, but pretty much always, the weight is distributed. Even with shorter hair (erm..mid-back/waist length is "shorter" for me) My buns were pretty flat, but wide. I think people only really get headaches with either a sensitive scalp, or really long, thick/heavy hair, and when the hair is all gathered/piled on a small area.
(ETA: What I do get is headaches from pins (bobby pins, u-pins etc.) but it's just the small, thinness of it. Hairsticks and such that are thicker can be jammed in anywhere and won't bother me a peep. Although I have a small niggling feeling that the soreness could possibly be a lesser symptom of my rather aggressive nickel allergy, but it isn't as itchy, nor is it blistering as nickel normally does to my skin. Either way, I have pretty much given up pins unless they are just touching hair, and away from my scalp.)

And number 3 gets me laughing each time. I mean, do they think about how often they have to go to the hairdressers/how much they have to cut off their hair just to keep theirs the same length? If I never cut my hair, my hair would be one of two things: a) much longer (ie. terminal) or b) a stalling mass of split-ends and mechanical damage that can't grow any longer due to breakage. Or anywhere in between.
I get a trim every 6 months or so, often less, and I do only cut off an inch (or at least instruct to cut off - sometimes if it's not my usual stylist, there can sometimes be a little confusion over my view of an inch and the stylists view). I had a go at doing my own hair, and liked it, so might carry that on, but still it gets trimmed. Maybe not as often as others, but it still gets trimmed. It's like, not washing your hair daily doesn't necessarily mean it never gets washed, it just gets washed less. I bet if they stopped going to the hairdressers for a year, and treated their hair nicely they might be surprised how much it could grow. They just don't see it because they snip it off in little bits.

[Venefica]

I have never understood the donation thing, many act as if you are selfish if you grow hair just for yourself. Everything else that is fine, spending hundred of dollars of beauty creams, fine, spending allot of money and allot of time on make up, fine, botox fine, shoes and clothes fine, but if you have hair past where the strap of your bra hit you then you are vein and selfish. I just do not understand it.

As for headache, I can get a headache from the weight of my hair, it way at least half a kilo if not closer to a kilo and can get heavy on my scalp. Scalp rubs and making sure I keep neck and shoulder musculature in good condition mostly takes care of this problem though.

Some seam to think that if you have long hair you never cut it, that being said I did know a girl growing up that never went to the hairdresser, she had tail bone length hair and it stayed there so I guess it is true for some, but most of us actually have to trim. That being said it is not that many years ago since I had short hair, and I have pictures to prove it to, and yes I did cut it then so no, usually unless you are Rapunzel you do trim your hair now and again or even have varying lengths at times.

[RitaPG]

1- Ah, the Locks Of Love comments. It could be because they envy the crap out of your gorgeous hair, but I find that this is actually uncommon when it comes to LOL commenters.
The thing is, telling you to donate your hair to a child with cancer makes them feel superior, as if telling you about it meant that they were doing something about it, while you're just the vessel (or the hair).
I've had that comment before, I just tell them I donate money for research and awareness programs, and that my hair will not save a child's life, in fact, kids hate wigs, they are hot, uncomfortable and too expensive - and the "donation" thing is crap, someone ALWAYS has to get paid. Besides, synthetic wigs have better quality, last much longer, and can still be consideraby cheaper compared to one made with real hair.
Usually people let go after this, but there are always a few rude folks that just want to see your hair being cut. I tell them to go donate a kidney or grow their own hair and give it.
Then again, some actually suggest hair donation as being the right thing to do, and they mention it because they are truly nice people, they just don't know better, but those are usually willing to listen and seem more understanding of how a wig doesn't save a life.

2- This is a huge misconception; people tend to believe that the weight of the hair is the reason for the headaches, but it's usually about bad distribution of weight in updos, especially ponytails and braids. People have a tendency to make messy styles, and to keep them secure they require a lot of pulling and tight ponytail bases. The truth is, hair is not heavy at all and it's physically impossible for it to actually give you a headache, I mean, if motorbike helmets don't give headaches, there's no way hair can do that.

3- This happens because people are too used to the old "trim your hair every 6 weeks" routine. And they trim a lot. So when they see long hair, they think it has magical powers.
I just tell them I cut mine at least twice a year, just enough to get rid of split ends, and that there's no need to cut more than that - and begin to explain that cutting it won't make it grow faster, only makes it shorter.. bla bla bla, you know the rest :D

I believe all these myths and misconceptions happen because these days people just don't have long hair, it was commonplace back then when our grandparents were young, but in the "modern" world it just seems unpractical and out of fashion (at least that's how they see it) and the few people that try to grow it long, don't know how, and they mess it up a lot along the way. Damn, if it wasn't for long hair forums, I woudn't know a thing about long hair either :lol:
It's not always about being mean or jealous, it's about not knowing any better. And for the most part, that's okay, 'cause I don't mind explaining it to those who ask me about my hair ^^'

[racrane]

I completely agree with RitaPG - they often don't know any better. I helped a friend who was complaining that her hair always looked back past BSL. I gently recommended putting it up more often would help with her breakage. She had no idea. Now she's wearing more braids and such. :D

Anyway, my point is that a lot of people don't know. I don't mind gently telling people the truth and what works for me. I got these comments a ton at WL a couple years ago and didn't mind. :)

[spidermom]

In places where you don't see much long hair, I think people are curious. Such big media events are made of cutting hair to donate to LOL that a lot of people think that's the primary reason for growing long. I've only gotten the LOL comment once and replied that I was going to keep my hair. End of discussion. If someone ever tried to urge me toward donating, I'd ask them what they were donating.

The rest of the comments are just chit-chat, I think. I've been asked how long I plan to grow it, and I've said different things, depending on my mood.

[kamikaze hair]

I think sometimes the donation, thing or comments which come across as snidely asking "why do you grow your hair, you shouldn't" can come from people who see it as a vanity thing. Which is silly cause you wouldn't complain to another woman and say "why do you wear makeup," or "why do you wear so much makeup" or any other comments. Everybody has their own different things about their physical appearance that they would prefer to treasure and emphasise and pamper. With hair, its not as often done well, but when it is, it REALLY stands out. This isn't a bad thing, its just the way it is. This can make others feel intimidated, i think. Well thats the way i've felt anyway when i get comments about my hair, sometimes.

P.S. you have GORGEOUS hair, don't think you should cut it at all. :D

[Lucie159]

When I was little I had classic length curly hair, I started getting really bad headaches. The Dr. convinced my mother it was my hair, so she cut it into a pixie.... and the headaches continued.. it was my eyes. I've been trying for years to get back to at least waist length. *sigh*

[Rhodugune]

When I was little I had classic length curly hair, I started getting really bad headaches. The Dr. convinced my mother it was my hair, so she cut it into a pixie.... and the headaches continued.. it was my eyes. I've been trying for years to get back to at least waist length. *sigh*

Oh, I don't know what to say! :chocked:
What a waste, I really feel for you! :grouphug:
How long is your hair now and how fast does it grow?
I hope you will get your long har back soon!



About the tree comments.

1. LOL doesn't excist here in Sweden and I'm thankful for that, it can't be easy with that kind of comment...


2. I haven't recieved this question actually, but I do get headaches because of my hair sometimes, but very rarely because I know how I wear it the headache-free way.

3. I think we get this question alot because it's one of the things that automatically pops into peoples heads when they see long hair.

[chihuahuaesque]

I've gotten the LOL comment a few times, and I think it's because people just don't know any better. I think the majority of people think long hair is a pain and hassle to take care of. What they don't understand is that for me, having long hair is MUCH easier to care for. Most hairdressers try to push people into having shorter "easier" and more "stylish" haircuts... so logically, you'd only want to "deal" with having long hair for the purpose of donations.

I only get headaches from my hair if I pull it up too tightly.

[NotInPortland]

The other two questions wouldn't bother me but the LOL one would, luckily I've never gotten anything like it before. Some people probably just use it to make conversation, others because they are genuinely nice and don't think there's any other reason you'd be growing it so long, but I'm sure there are others who say it to try and make you feel vain or selfish for having long hair. I never understood why having long hair could make you vain as opposed to all the modern stylish cuts that most people wear, and selfish. If they care so damn much they can go and grow their own hair and donate it! What about all that blood you have, don't you know that people need that too, a lot more than they need my hair? Go and donate that so!

[Cowgirl16]

I got the "you should cut your hair and donate it to LOL" just the other day from my MIL :rolleyes:, she said my neice did it. I told her what I thought of LOL and maybe DN should donate to Pantene Beautiful lengths next time. She said she had no idea LOL was not on the up and up and maybe we could donate to PBL together next time. I finally told her I had too many greys to donate and that shut her down. (thats my new comback:))
*Venefica* I agree with people acting like your selfish for having long hair. :mad: It would be like me telling friends/family that they need to quit coloring and cutting their hair and donate that money to the needy!:rolleyes:

As for the other comments, I agree with some of the other posters; sometimes people want to talk about your hair they just don't know how to start up the conversation.

I had really thick hair and head eating buns and if I didn't put my hair up right or during the day I would start to get a tension headache. But NEVER would I cut my hair! I just moved the bun around:confused:

[hs_atreides]

I am a little baffled at the kinds of comments/advice people share. Whenever I see a head of glorious long hair, or shorter hair that is especially becoming, sincere compliments come to mind but never advice! Only occasionally will I feel comfortable enough to ask any questions, usually along the lines of "how long have you been growing" or "what is your goal length".

I think people assume a defensive stance when confronted with something different.

[Juicematic]

I can address #1- super long hair isn't the norm. The average person has no desire to grown their hair to their knees, floor etc. So they don't know any better than to assume you are growing it out to donate. I would just answer that you like long hair and keep it moving. I honestly would do the same for all of the questions you posted.

[SallyCinnamon]

Regarding the Locks of Love comments, if it's a random stranger that comes up to you in public, I think it's that they like your hair and want to start a conversation with you, and that's their way of "getting in the door". If they're not saying it in a b*tchy way, chances are they probably think they are complimenting you, or at the very least, trying to look knowledgeable in some way about long hair.

The Headache comment, I think, is people saying "I could totally have hair as long as you if I wanted. I just choose not to because of my debilitating fictional headache problem." It allows them to simultaneously feel superior and be a victim.

About the Don't You Cut Your Hair? comment, that one baffles me. Some people are just ignorant.

[BunnyBee]

Simple answer: They're not longhairs, they don't 'get it' XD
Anything out of the ordinary will get stupid comments, you just need some witty retorts :p

[vendethiel]

The people who generally give me the Locks of Love comment say so with some disdain. I think they assume that my hair is too long or that long hair can have no other purpose than donation. So, the comment is usually accompanied with something like, "You have enough hair now that you could give to Locks of Love and still have long hair." or "You could give to Locks of Love twice." Their comments seem to be trying to convince me that my hair is wasted on me and should be given to someone who could use it or appreciate it. I generally just smile, but now I'll use the "They'll probably just sell it" comment or something similar.

Headaches. I knew girls who had long hair and their parents thought it was beautiful and they should keep it, not cut it all off and they would pull the headache complaint. My hair is quite heavy and I can get "bun-aches", but that usually has to do with how I've put it up. If I put my hair up incorrectly or use a lot of bobby pins, I get a headache. Sometimes, if I already have a headache, putting my hair up incorrectly will make it far worse.

When I get asked if I've cut my hair, the question is more a question of have I ever had short hair. They don't think it's possible to have short hair and then go to long hair, so they assume I've always had to have long hair. I usually tell them that I trim it occasionally.

On this topic, I often get (bad) hair advice from people with very short hair. I was shopping for hair sticks and some lady with a pixie came up and told me I was buying the wrong kind, because a long time ago she had long hair and she knew what she was talking about. Also, I have people tell me all the time that they knew someone who actually had really, really long hair and they kind of shrug at my hair. Then they indicate that the hair was about waist and I'm much longer than waist. Why do they do this?

[Teamouse]

I remember yeeeears ago I was watching tennis with my Auntie. There was an Indian girl with a lovely thick TB braid. My hair would have been around mid back at the time. Granted, not as thick.
My Auntie saw her and said "Oh, her hair would be so heavy!" Later saying that it must give her headaches.
Even being young and nieve I was like... :crazyq:

I think, in the end, almost any comment about your hair length could be taken positively. Even if someone was trying to be a douche saying it's "too long" :rolleyes:
Because if you want it long well... that's kind of what you're after.
Whether they love it or hate it, weirdness facinates people. I think stupid questions can generally just be translated to "Tell me about your weirdess!" Which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
I'd just like to point out that being weird is not a bad thing. And that having hair longer then bsl tends to be seen as weirdness these days.

[akka naeda]

I think the headache thing is because they think that more hair = more weight and therefore it must weigh more.

"have you ever cut your hair in your life" - that comes from people with short hair who as has been said, probably cut their hair every 6 weeks or so, having been brainwashed by their hairdresser into doing so. Believe me, if you tell them you shaved your head at 18 and now your hair is knee length that really makes their eyes pop.

Locks of Love I have no idea about, as we don't have that kind of culture in the UK luckily.

Seriously, they just don't know any better, it's definitely not jealousy and you shouldn't interpret it as such. So you could do a bit of education here, but then again, they may not be interested and may just be making an attempt at small talk. Witty retorts won't make you look good either IMO.

[Venefica]

2- This is a huge misconception; people tend to believe that the weight of the hair is the reason for the headaches, but it's usually about bad distribution of weight in updos, especially ponytails and braids. People have a tendency to make messy styles, and to keep them secure they require a lot of pulling and tight ponytail bases. The truth is, hair is not heavy at all and it's physically impossible for it to actually give you a headache, I mean, if motorbike helmets don't give headaches, there's no way hair can do that.

Actually you can get headaches from motorcycle helmets and heavy hats and so on, it can strain the neck musculature unless you have a proper posture. However yes usually any headache from long hair can usually be eliminated by wearing it right and distribution of the weight.

[DakarNick]

DW has slightly longer than BSL hair. A couple times on Facebook she mentioned cutting or trimming and we have a mutual friend who is always there to reply with "Cut it for Locks of Love". I want to reach through the internet and slap her!

Granted, DW HAS cut it for LoL twice before we met, and our mutual friend grows hers out specifically for LoL but give me a break!

I ignore the comments and remind wifey that IF she cuts there are better places like Pantene. Of course, I tell her I'd rather keep it :)

[spidermom]

I recall asking a friend with classic length hair whether or not it was heavy, and she said hair grows so slowly that muscles have plenty of time to build up for the increased weight. This was a comfort to me because I knew that I would grow my hair out that long some day.

[Quetiepi]

Waiting So Long...You have gorgeous hair. I bet you hear that a lot, too! It's just stunning!

[Rybe]

Uhg, the LoL thing. Fortunately most of the people who have asked me this have themselves donated, so I know where they're coming from. And they understand when I say "no"

I've never gotten the headache thing! I'm glad too, because I DO get migraines, I think if people blamed it on my hair I'd probably go rabid all over their faces. My hair took a long time to reach this length, it's not like it was a sudden shock to my scalp, and it probably weighs a pound at the most...

I haaaate the "have you been growing all your life" type comments, because when I hear them they're almost always said with disdain or disapproval. I had one woman ask me that when my hair was APL! She thought I needed a "change of style" I of course had to explain to her this WAS a change of style. From a pixi. Granted I was on exchange at the time and the hard water was TRASHING my hair (I was in Germany and didn't speak great German so I was having a hell of a time figuring out what to do about it. My intensive language course didn't focus too closely on hair terms. Imagine that.) so I'm sure it didn't look too great, but still.

I want to add another baffle-worthy comment to the mix:

I could never have long hair, it's so much WORK

:confused: I know a lot of you guys here on LHC put a whoollle lot more time and effort into your hair than I do, but even still with all the stuff I've read around here I STILL know a lot of mid-short haired ladies dump a whole lot more time into their coif than most long hairs... Even since I started being more careful brushing and doing oil treatments and CWCing and putting my hair up (which burns lots of time for me because I still suck at it)...my old roommate still beats me two fold for time spent on hair! And she didn't even have a complicated style! Any length of hair takes as much time as you're willing to put into it... What do they think takes so long, detangling? :p

[roodboerinnetje]

I think they're just trying to make conversation as humans like to connect somehow. Being uneducated about long hair, they don't understand how *exquisitely* sensitive we are about our hair, and they certainly don't understand all the work, patience, study and care that goes into growing long hair. So they make attempts at conversation that seem insulting or clumsy to us, but they are, for the most part, just doing the best they can.

There may be an occasional jealous person, but most people I encounter don't really want super long hair. At the moment, they seem to want streaks and flat ironed hair, because that's what's in fashion now (I think. It's hard to keep up when you're not invested in that). And they're completely unconcerned that this is damaging to their hair, they'll never notice, because they'll cut before they ever see the damage.

But I go ahead and load them up with unwanted hair info anyway. Perhaps they think I'm jealous of their streaks and ironed-ness.

Haha! Great point, Dorothy - if we were really bothered by someone's comments, we could answer with something along those lines - "Oh, if only I could chop off all my beautiful long hair, streak it in multiple-coloured stripes, and iron it completely flat! Woe is me!" :p

[Elenna]

I think that people have run out of things to say (i.e., clueless) when they talk about LOL. They are just rehashing what the hair dressers, magazines and television shows tell them. It is all about the big buckies in the beauty industry!!!

Or they could be jealous and immature!!! They go up to a perfect or imperfect stranger and tell them to cut and/or donate their hair! What's the world coming too????

I've seen spectacular long hair hair here. What's wrong with gorgeous hair?

[ilovelonghair]

Maybe these comments depend on where you live? I have never had any of these :) I have lived in Holland and in several places in Australia.

[invisiblebabe]

It is pretty common to donate hair where I live. I know a handful of people who have done it, and almost every time I go to get my hair cut or highlighted, in the salon I see already-cut ponytails ready to go!

In high school I once knew a girl with coarse, thick hair that was about APL. She told me that she'd cut it from about butt-length because it had been giving her headaches. My hair is fine to medium, and average thickness, so I believed the headaches part, but seeing some of the hair on LHC, I wonder now! (fwiw, even at an inch or so past classic, the longest my hair has ever been, I never got headaches.)

As for people asking if you've ever cut your hair at all, I remember a girl I knew who worked at my orthodontist's office, when I was a teen. She had tailbone length, fine, strawberry blonde hair, with fairytale ends, and she told me that she had never ever cut her hair before. I thought that was strange, because at the time my hair was classic length and I had cut my hair quite a few times in my life. Later I learned about terminal length, and then it all made sense!

[WaitingSoLong]

I never understood why having long hair could make you vain as opposed to all the modern stylish cuts that most people wear, and selfish. If they care so damn much they can go and grow their own hair and donate it! What about all that blood you have, don't you know that people need that too, a lot more than they need my hair? Go and donate that so!

I don't think long hair would make you vain, but you could have long hair BECAUSE you're vain...no different than any other hairstyle you may have that you think looks awesoem on yourself. As for the blood, that is a good thing to mention. I regularly donate blood and, funny, the times I mention that people have all sorts of excuses why they don't and, again, much of it is a cop out or misinformation. I think a good reply to the LOL comments would be...oh really? What do you donate?


Regarding the Locks of Love comments, if it's a random stranger that comes up to you in public, I think it's that they like your hair and want to start a conversation with you, and that's their way of "getting in the door".

The Headache comment, I think, is people saying "I could totally have hair as long as you if I wanted. I just choose not to because of my debilitating fictional headache problem." It allows them to simultaneously feel superior and be a victim.

Oddly, I think if my memory serves, it has always been strangers that comment. And they don't always tell me to donate, it is usually stuff like: I know someone who donated...or...are you going to donate?

And I laughed at your headache comment!!! Too funny.


I think, in the end, almost any comment about your hair length could be taken positively. Even if someone was trying to be a douche saying it's "too long" :rolleyes: Because if you want it long well... that's kind of what you're after.

I like this. Even if it is negative, it is still a compliment (sort of lol). I will remember that! I cannot recall when I started getting long hair comments. I do believe it was just before waist length.


Seriously, they just don't know any better, it's definitely not jealousy and you shouldn't interpret it as such. So you could do a bit of education here, but then again, they may not be interested and may just be making an attempt at small talk. Witty retorts won't make you look good either IMO.

I totally agree. I am not one for witty retorts. It is just not ME. Sometimes I wish I had them, or would make them when people really DO overstep but in these situations their intentions are usually not clear. I am not one for small talk, bless those poor strangers who have no idea LOL. I would be more one to educate them if I said anything at all other than "oh" or "thanks?".


I want to add another baffle-worthy comment to the mix:

I could never have long hair, it's so much WORK

What do they think takes so long, detangling? :p

Ok, I am glad you brought this up. That is definitely the other issue that I don't know how to deal with. Here is what I get: I can't have long hair because...and the reasons are stupid. Just say you don't want it. Just because I have long hair doesn't mean I want other people to have long hair? And when I begin to refute their reasons, like...hey I know how to solve that issue for you so you CAN grow long if you want...they come up with more and more excuses. The baffling part is...I never asked them to grow it long...so why is this a debate? Why do they feel the need to defend their choice for shorter hair? I don't feel the need to defend my long hair. I. Like. It. What's the big deal? No, it's not religious, no it's not to donate, and maybe yes because of vanity.

So I got the headache thing from someone I know recently. Know...but not really. Acquaintance. So I asked her to explain after offering that my hair weighs very little and I know how to put it up in non-painful ways. She said she has an extremely sensitive scalp. Ok. I have to say my scalp is not very sensitive at all and only hurts when I wear updo's that pull my hair tightly against its natural grain. Thus, I don't wear those styles. But then she says she loves long hair but can never have it for such reasons. I tried to gently tell her there are ways...but it was obvious she was defending her choice at shorter hair...which I never questioned!

Why, when I DO answer these questions politely, do people get defensive? I figure I must intimidate them or something.

I think I had best stop trying to figure out the WHY's. My whole intent was to be understanding and therefor able to come up with a reply that makes everyone happy. But I think I just need to find some pat, non-offensive answers.

I do like to answer a question with a question (Me: so, do you donate?), but then this breeds the defensive thing. (Them: uh no, I can't grow my hair long because...blah blah blah).

I believe that, with rare exception, strangers do not intend to be hateful or disdainful. And I rarely get comments from people I know, guess they are used to it by now. I need to accept the fact that 90% of people are grossly uneducated about hair growth, maintenance, etc. and just be nice and offer them information (whether they want it or not, afterall, they commented to me whether I wanted it or not!).

[sisi33]

I believe that, with rare exception, strangers do not intend to be hateful or disdainful. And I rarely get comments from people I know, guess they are used to it by now. I need to accept the fact that 90% of people are grossly uneducated about hair growth, maintenance, etc. and just be nice and offer them information (whether they want it or not, afterall, they commented to me whether I wanted it or not!).
I've found that people that come up to say something rarely are saying it as something negative. More as an observation than anything else. Those that are going to say something "bad" about your hair, are 1. not going to say anything to your face, or 2. are going to say something in a "I'll say it, but to my friend, but loud enough so s/he'll hear" sort of way.

My favorite thing is giving the "information overload" to those that say anything (with appropriate undertones according to circumstance)- either that or just smile widely (use ALL of your teeth!). :D

[MrsGuther]

Ok, so instead of getting irritated about some (repetitve) comments I get regarding my hair, I would like to try to understand them. I have been getting them excessively lately and realized they were really getting on my nerves.

#1 is the Locks of Love comments. I am starting to get this more and more and am perplexed?

Do people WANT me to cut my hair? If so, why? Do they think it is gross? Are they envious? Does it make them uncomfortable so they want it to go away?
Or are they making a suggestion in case I feel generous and never thought of donating my hair? Do they think it is the "right thing to do" if you have such lengths? Like someone with extra money should donate to charities or something?
They just don't know what else to say and they all know a story about someone who had long hair and donated it, so they pick that?

#2 is " I can't have long hair because it gives me a headache". Again, I am getting this much more frequently and again, I am perplexed?

My hair weighs maybe a couple ounces (granted, maybe some people's hair weighs more)...what is to cause a headache? Or do they mean a headache because it requires so much work (as in, not a physical headache but an emotional headache)? Is it because when they put it up, it pulls? I will grant that I have had bun-headaches before I found sticks and other weight-distributing techniques but hair-headaches just made me change the updo, not the length. Is it a cop out? An excuse to why they have short hair? (like I care? How they wear their hair is none of my business). Maybe some people who experience hair headaches can explain.

#3 Have you ever cut your hair in your life?

Ok, I usually literally LOL at this one. Surely they know that hair keeps growing. Do they not realize how much hair they cut off every year to keep that short hair style? It is simple math, if you cut off 6" a year, figure out how many years it would take to reach about 3 feet. But I just laugh and say "I cut it every year". I think they think I have super powers or something.

If it is not a stranger, I usually just ask them questions back or educate them about Locks of Love, etc. But when it is a stranger, I never quite know what to say. Although I am considering making it my personal duty to hair-educate anyone who is bold enough to comment in such ways. I will just give them my undivided attention and give them more information than they could ever want (in a nice way).

Seriously though, I just wish to understand what is going through people's minds. I think most of the time people just DON'T think, they spout out whatever pops in their heads. I don't think they have any real idea why they say what they say and people often feel the need to say SOMEthing (when I am perfectly ok with silence). Ah well. I feel better already.


I got the "Are you planning on donating your hair?" comment and I don't know why, but it made me super pissed... like just because I am growing out my hair does NOT mean I am planning to chop it so Locks of Love can make money off it from selling it for wigs...

I have a particular friend who says "My hair just won't grow!" Yet she gets about 5 or 6 inches chopped off every year... I chuckle to myself because hair is always growing and I don't understand how people can have that thought process of 'Oh my hair just doesn't grow at all!' when they chop it off like clockwork once or twice a year..

[xoxophelia]

I think number 2 is people saying something like: I could have hair like yours if I wanted it, I just don't because I "can't".... It can be a way to make them feel better. Growing long hair can be frustrating and not many people want to put up with that to get the results.

[lacefrost]

#1? Who knows. It could be any of those things you mentioned

#2 could be multiple things. It's like the sister to, "I tried to go natural but my hair was unmanageable." It could either be that a) it truly did give them headaches or more likely b) they feel the need to show that they could have long hair if they wanted to but don't because long hair is lame/painful/etc. In the Going Natural movement, a lot of women say it apologetically, like I'm judging them because I wear my hair curly and they wear it straight. Like it was a cause they defected from. Often, they do actually want to wear it curly but faced some set back and felt defeated. Which is where the "I can't wear my hair curly because" comes from. So to me, #2 sounds like they tried to grow it long, faced a setback (usually minor), got frustrated and chopped it off.

Also I think #2 and #3 can be synonymous with, "TELL ME YOUR SECRETS, O WAITINGSOLONG!!" Because after those comments you can usually say things like, "Really? I do xyz for my hair," and they're all enraptured.

[AnqeIicDemise]

2 is mostly due to the fact that some are tender headed. I lived with short hair for years because I am prone to migraines. Quite frankly, back in my hey day I did not know how to properly style my hair, as Madora said, in a way that helps avoid/lessen the tension. I know for a fact my aunt has an issue where her scalp is superbly tender, on top of vision migraines and tumors in her brain. Long hair is no longer an option for her.

Sadly, that's usually at the very, very rare spectrum, though.

[ilovelonghair]

It is pretty common to donate hair where I live. I know a handful of people who have done it, and almost every time I go to get my hair cut or highlighted, in the salon I see already-cut ponytails ready to go!


To be honest, I am not sure if they actually go to LOL. Hair can sell for quite some money for hair extentions, on EBay for example or in the salon itself, if they have seperate wax to attach to the hair. A salon can earn quite some money from that: they don't have to buy the hair.

[invisiblebabe]

To be honest, I am not sure if they actually go to LOL. Hair can sell for quite some money for hair extentions, on EBay for example or in the salon itself, if they have seperate wax to attach to the hair. A salon can earn quite some money from that: they don't have to buy the hair.

Could be! I don't know where they go either, just that I've seen them :)

[jaine]

Could you ask the people who are saying these things?
I'm curious too.

The people who make these comments probably aren't LHC members, so this is probably the wrong group to ask if you really want to know. (it sounds like you're genuinely curious...I don't think they would mind if you ask.)

[thelittlestdoc]

The only one of your three that makes any sense to me is the Locks of Love comment. In the area I lived in high school, it was very common for women to grow out long hair for the express purpose of donating it. That was actually why I ended up with such short hair a few years ago--I had grown it out for the purpose of donating it and had fallen in love with long hair along the way. Now I'm growing my hair back out and people who know I've donated before don't seem to understand that I'm just doing it for myself this time :rolleyes:

[gthlvrmx]

Honestly, people don't know HOW to react. Most people will do what they have seen otehrs do and say, so when they see long hair they all have that "woa" impression. I know i have done it, i blindly asked about donation before coming here. Why? Because i didnt want to seem like a fool just staring at her hair and saying, i like your hair.
Why?
Because i tohught it'd bug and annoy someone to JUST say, hey. I like your long hair, or like. Woa. Long hair. If people weren't annoyed by that small tiny comment, i wouldn't have felt that pressure to keep the conversation and say something else. I just asked about donating because it seemed a little more less agrivating than asking "do you cut it?"
I didn't want to annoy and bug anyone.
I completely understand any comments because honestly, hair longer than waist or hip is obviously beyond the norm in our society. What's to be annoyed about? Just be aware that if it's out of the norm, PEOPLE WILL NOTICE.
Maybe they ask "dumb" questions because who out there in the norm are well educated about hair care? They only know what theyve heard and been told by the rest of their society usually, and just like me, i wanted to connect and not look stupid, so i just asked a question that ive heard another peson ask when it comes to being surprised by super long hair.
I think it's common to ask these questions and fine.
But if they start being rude, ill keep things short and fine, dont need people bickering over hair.

[kielrain]

My mother cut her amazing long hair because of headaches. She has hair of oh my goodness thickness. Like a whole new catagory, like call her a v!!! kind of thickness. Every time she washed her hair, or got it wet in any way... boom.... headache. She also had to hold her head up with her hands when her hair was wet. Her neck muscles couldn't take the added weight without strain. She had past classic hair. Now, her scalp is sensitive, so I am sure that added to things, too. So, I don't doubt the headaches can happen, but I do think they are rather rare.

[pepperminttea]

My mother cut her 'long enough to sit on'-length hair because of headaches; it can happen. From what I'm told though, the only style she knew was a ponytail, and that was how she normally wore it. From MBL onwards, mid-height or high ponytails have been out for me - they hurt like nobody's business. Nape ponytails are okay, but when it tangles so much on my back, it's not really worth doing compared to wearing it down. So to be honest, with only that in her updo arsenal, I'm surprised she managed as long as she did. If I still only knew how to do a ponytail, I'd probably be above BSL at this point. Thank goodness for LHC (and youtube tutorials)!

[akka naeda]

I want to add another baffle-worthy comment to the mix:

I could never have long hair, it's so much WORK

:confused: I know a lot of you guys here on LHC put a whoollle lot more time and effort into your hair than I do, but even still with all the stuff I've read around here I STILL know a lot of mid-short haired ladies dump a whole lot more time into their coif than most long hairs... Even since I started being more careful brushing and doing oil treatments and CWCing and putting my hair up (which burns lots of time for me because I still suck at it)...my old roommate still beats me two fold for time spent on hair! And she didn't even have a complicated style! Any length of hair takes as much time as you're willing to put into it... What do they think takes so long, detangling? :p


Actually people are surprised when I tell them it only takes me 5 mins to do my hair in the mornings.

And then when they hear that it's because I sleep with my hair plaited to deliberately minimise tangles and make it quick to do in the mornings they're impressed. It's not something that would occur to them. (ETA if I slept with it loose I would spend at least an hour detangling)

When my sister got married the stylist who did her hair was impressed with the length of my hair, but also with how quickly I styled it - French plait into a bun with two accent plaits and then held with silver pins in probably less than 1/4 of the time it took her to do my sister's hair.

I think the taking care of hair that you are talking about (styling etc) is considered "normal" and so because your hair is xyz number of times longer than theirs it must therefore take xyz number of hours longer to wash, to dry and to style. And yes, it does take a lot longer to dry my hair at this length than it did when it was a pixie or even BSL, but as has been said you get used to it gradually and this is also something they don't realise.

[WaitingSoLong]

Actually people are surprised when I tell them it only takes me 5 mins to do my hair in the mornings.

...

I think the taking care of hair that you are talking about (styling etc) is considered "normal" and so because your hair is xyz number of times longer than theirs it must therefore take xyz number of hours longer to wash, to dry and to style.

There is a middle ground. Long hair was definitely easier than short (by short, I mean BSL or above for me). I spent who knows how long styling bangs, straightening the stupid wave at the nape of my neck, REstraightening it when it got wet, curling and styling those layers, etc. I grew my hair longer just for the EASE. I HATE spending time "doing" my hair.

Yet after about waist length, it stopped being easier and started being more work again. Perhaps this is one reason I liked that length better.

I get asked or told the shampoo comment: "How much shampoo do you use?" or "You must use a LOT of shampoo". I DO have a standard reply for this one: I probably use less than you do.

And if they are interested I explain. I used to be a shampoo abuser, so I know it is common not to know any better.

[MrsGuther]

*Hijack*

Oh, WaitingSoLong... Your hair is just SO GORGEOUS!!! It's AMAZING!!! Just wanted to tell you that!

[WaitingSoLong]

*Hijack*

Oh, WaitingSoLong... Your hair is just SO GORGEOUS!!! It's AMAZING!!! Just wanted to tell you that!

:o thanks MrsGuther! :o

[roodboerinnetje]

Could you ask the people who are saying these things?
I'm curious too.

The people who make these comments probably aren't LHC members, so this is probably the wrong group to ask if you really want to know. (it sounds like you're genuinely curious...I don't think they would mind if you ask.)

Good idea! I agree. I think if you were to ask in a non-defensive manner (i.e. "Just curious - I'm interested to know why you said/suggested that?"), you could find out the reasoning behind their comments. You might even make them question their own thinking by doing so - always a good thing!

[WaitingSoLong]

Good idea! I agree. I think if you were to ask in a non-defensive manner (i.e. "Just curious - I'm interested to know why you said/suggested that?"), you could find out the reasoning behind their comments. You might even make them question their own thinking by doing so - always a good thing!

I like that idea! Plus I like answering questions with questions. LOL

[TitaniaOfFairys]

Ok, so instead of getting irritated about some (repetitve) comments I get regarding my hair, I would like to try to understand them. I have been getting them excessively lately and realized they were really getting on my nerves.

#1 is the Locks of Love comments. I am starting to get this more and more and am perplexed?

Do people WANT me to cut my hair? If so, why? Do they think it is gross? Are they envious? Does it make them uncomfortable so they want it to go away?
Or are they making a suggestion in case I feel generous and never thought of donating my hair? Do they think it is the "right thing to do" if you have such lengths? Like someone with extra money should donate to charities or something?
They just don't know what else to say and they all know a story about someone who had long hair and donated it, so they pick that?

#2 is " I can't have long hair because it gives me a headache". Again, I am getting this much more frequently and again, I am perplexed?

My hair weighs maybe a couple ounces (granted, maybe some people's hair weighs more)...what is to cause a headache? Or do they mean a headache because it requires so much work (as in, not a physical headache but an emotional headache)? Is it because when they put it up, it pulls? I will grant that I have had bun-headaches before I found sticks and other weight-distributing techniques but hair-headaches just made me change the updo, not the length. Is it a cop out? An excuse to why they have short hair? (like I care? How they wear their hair is none of my business). Maybe some people who experience hair headaches can explain.

#3 Have you ever cut your hair in your life?

Ok, I usually literally LOL at this one. Surely they know that hair keeps growing. Do they not realize how much hair they cut off every year to keep that short hair style? It is simple math, if you cut off 6" a year, figure out how many years it would take to reach about 3 feet. But I just laugh and say "I cut it every year". I think they think I have super powers or something.

If it is not a stranger, I usually just ask them questions back or educate them about Locks of Love, etc. But when it is a stranger, I never quite know what to say. Although I am considering making it my personal duty to hair-educate anyone who is bold enough to comment in such ways. I will just give them my undivided attention and give them more information than they could ever want (in a nice way).

Seriously though, I just wish to understand what is going through people's minds. I think most of the time people just DON'T think, they spout out whatever pops in their heads. I don't think they have any real idea why they say what they say and people often feel the need to say SOMEthing (when I am perfectly ok with silence). Ah well. I feel better already.

#1 I live in Hungary, and I think I'm lucky because there is no Locks of Love or anything similar here fortunately :D :D I've never asked if I want to donate my hair. In fact this thing isn't even a common act here. But long hair (at least waist or longer) is quite uncommon too.

#2 I've had headaches from high buns a few times in the past, and that's why I don't wear my hair like that anymore. I'm also prone to migraines so I try to avoid anything that makes it worse. But if I wear my hair in braids, half-updos, or just down, it's not heavy at all. My migraines are really terrible, but I've never thought of cutting my hair. I've had headaches since my childhood when I had short hair, so there is no difference.

Yes, I think in some cases it's just an excuse. One of my parents friend told me once that her daughter cannot grow hair past her shoulders, because it is soooo heavy. Frankly, I don't believe that. I've seen that girl, and her hair wasn't even medium thickness. Nice shine and texture, but nothing extreme. I think her mother just told me this because I had waist length hair, my hair is fine, and maybe she was jelaous (or I don't know what) seeing that I can grow my fine hair long and her daughter can't. But is it my fault??? I don't think so...
The funny (or bizarre?) thing is, that other times people keep telling me they can't grow their hair long because it's fine. And telling me this when I didn't even ask to talk about hair.
So it's hard to understand them :p
In other cases they may use an excuse because they afraid to start growing their hair - maybe someone told them it won't suit them, or their hair will fall out because of the weight (I've heard many bizarre misbeliefs) or they just lazy and don't want to spend more time with hair care, but they will never admit it.

#3 For me it depends on how they ask. If they rude, I just tell them I trim my hair in every month or in every two months, then change the subject. If I feel they are friendly and ask it because they are just curious, I tell them about dusting and S&D - a good friend of mine told me a few days ago that she wants longer hair and will try S&D because I told her about it once. I was quite happy and proud to hear that :D

Long or very long hair is something special and uncommon for most of the people. Sometimes they just don't know how to start a conversation about it, and maybe they don't want to be rude at all, but they don't have any experience with it.
I have a relative in her late 70's, a very nice old lady, who has never had long hair in her life. She told me she has always wanted to grow it, but her mother didn't let her when she was young, and then after marriage she thought she is too "old" for long hair (old = she's not a child anymore, she has a husband, has children, etc.) I thought it was sad.

[heidi w.]

Oh yes, the Locks of Love comments. I've definitely been through it. I chalk it up to a kind of ignorance and lack of awareness to be told how pretty my hair is and then asked if I'm planning to donate it. I just respond, "no, and I never would" They can then choose to pursue that if they like. I'm pretty well informed about the Locks of Love biz. I chalk it up to what people are familiar with, and that long hair is about a kind of ignorance, and lack of ability to make a decision about "style". Whatever. It's not really my problem. Wearing it up, most can't even fathom how much, how long my hair really is, actually, so up is best. It avoids all the potential for commentary.

Of course I've cut my hair and had short hair for a time, which I did enjoy, but now I enjoy this. It's my body, my head, my hair.

I rarely get headaches from wearing hair up, but occasionally I do, but not too often, thankfully. Headaches are more about inexperience mostly and lack of technique when wearing hair. The hair is being pulled, usually in some direction other than the growth pattern, so this upsets the capillary closer to the hair follicle and scalp skin. As the irriration builds, one can indeed get a headache, but once you learn how to put hair up so it doesn't irritate, then no more headaches. I wear my hair up the same way most days, which is a bad habit. With a single stick. That's it.

heidi w.