Hairstylist's depressing comments :(

[SheeJee]

So I got my hair trimmed yesterday by this new beautiful hairdresser who has stunning waist length hair that she straightens everyday and it looks in perfect condition despite this sigh.

She has never seen me or my hair before, I arrived with my hair in a bun and when I took it down the first thing she said to me as she was raking her fingers through my hair was "wow, your hair is so dry and damaged". She said this very loudly, so that everyone else in the salon looked around at me. I could feel my cheeks going red with shame :( I said nothing moe thant "Oh, really?" and she said "Uh yeah, it's soooo thin, you have so many split ends and all of your strands taper into nothing, your hair seems to be in very bad condition, do you take care of your hair at all?!" Well needless to say I was shocked at this, she said this so casually and probably could not tell that I was starting to tear up a bit (I am very conscious of my hair, I have lost a lot of it due to stress and medical conditions over the years)

I told her I am intending to grow my hair long and she said "well you're going to have to come in and get your hair trimmed every two months then, don't worry I used to have hair just as bad as yours and then as soon as I started trimming it every 2 months it started growing long".

The only nice (?) thing she had to say to me was when she was washing my hair in the basin and said "oh I can see you have many small hairs growing in, so don't worry you're not going bald!"

I was just so appalled by her comments (I know they are true but still, I felt they were unnecessarily rude and loud and made me feel very humiliated). I was wondering if anyone else had been through this experience or if anyone had any advice for me after going through this, I feel okay now but at the time felt very embarrassed and saddened by these comments :(

[cindy58]

I'm not particularly into bashing hair stylists, but I wish you had been able to take your business elsewhere based on her rude treatment of you. Who needs that? None of us!

I think it's entirely possible that your hair is, a.: not as bad as you say, and b.: not as bad as she said.

[spidermom]

Oh goodness, I'm so sorry she hurt you. That stylist was completely without tact. She's probably so used to talking to people about their hair, both the good and the bad, that it's nothing to her, like talking about the weather.

[queenofnight]

I wouldn't get too upset over this, Shes a hairdresser and hairdressers need business. Its pretty much her job to tell people what SHE thinks is wrong with their hair so that people will keep coming back to her and she'll keep getting money.


CHEER UP!

[MrsGuther]

Sorry you had that experience. I think sometimes hairstylists just look at hair as hair, and don't think about the fact that it is attached to someone's head who has FEELINGS. I've had a stylist be very rude to me on different occasions. I don't think all hairstylists are rude, but some sure are!!!

[julierockhead]

Oh, I'm so sorry you had to endure that!

What an awful person. Her hair is probably horrid without the straightening and cones. I had really damaged hair a few years ago from color/heat but the right chemicals and a burning hot straightener made my hair look amazing.

It sounds to me like she was trying to get you to come in and get your hair cut with her every two months by intimidating you. Some stylists are very nice people, and some are sharks - they can sense very quickly what you will respond to psychologically and use that to get you spending money.

Were I you, I would call the salon and tell them your feelings, or write a letter. It will make you feel better, and maybe she won't try that tactic with anyone else.

[gthlvrmx]

It's alrite, you don't have to do what she says. Trust me, what does she know? She obviously doesn't know your hair history and how you take care of your hair so chill.
Just get the damaged stuff off, put your hair back up, and relax! It WILL grow back even better, hair is ALWAYS growing. :)

Don't worry, i felt the exact same way when i went in for my trim due to a overmoisturizing accident.....i felt so embarrassed there, me with all my information on how to take care of hair and yet i had it all nasty. I know what you mean. And she had chemically and heat damaged hair that seemed so much more manageable.
But it's ok, it'll get better.

[MrsGuther]

I wouldn't get too upset over this, Shes a hairdresser and hairdressers need business. Its pretty much her job to tell people what SHE thinks is wrong with their hair so that people will keep coming back to her and she'll keep getting money.


CHEER UP!

Agreed! She probably just wanted to get you to come back every two months for a trim because she makes $$$$ every time she has a client.

[caiti42]

She maybe could have had more tact. But no doubt she comes across the same scenario with 50% of her customers and most probably don't take care of their hair. She would no doubt go on to prescribe various products to help with the damage and do these people a favour!

Don't get offended. No doubt she was just trying to help :)

[Madora]

She straightens her hair everyday???? Ouch! Betcha dollars to donuts she used plenty of product to make that cooked hair look so "perfect"!

I'm sorry you had such an unpleasant experience, SheeJee! If at all possible, find someone else or if you can, try Feye's self trim method.

Her remarks were WAY out of line and uncalled for! Apparently, she was absent when they taught how to be tactful to clients at beauty school!

[lillikins]

I wouldn't get too upset over this, Shes a hairdresser and hairdressers need business. Its pretty much her job to tell people what SHE thinks is wrong with their hair so that people will keep coming back to her and she'll keep getting money.


CHEER UP!

Agreed. That was completely uncalled for though. You should definitely call or write the salon and complain.

[Harm0nyz86]

Honey don't stress about it, hair stylist think they know it all, but all they care about is money.

[wooliswonderful]

Sorry you had this experience! Your hairdresser was tactless but I wouldn't assume she was just trying to get you to come in to make more money or that she was deliberately being rude. Sometimes people temporarily forget they are dealing with a sensitive human. I notice this all the time dealing with my kids. They need constructive criticism, I get caught up in the problem and don't speak to them as well as I should. I don't excuse the hairdresser's behavior, after all you're paying her for a service. The point is she's human too, makes mistakes, and shouldn't be viewed as an "awful person" :)

ETA: I also think it would be a good idea to speak to management at the salon regarding your experience.

[Navydoc_76]

wow-her comments were just thoughtless and crass. im sorry, i probably would have rebunned my hair and walked out. she seems to have no filter when she says things-i guess some people are just like that, and they dont realize how hurtful they are to others...

[MaryRose]

I am so sorry you had to go through that.

[NightOwl26]

Sorry she made you feel bad. She may just have that blunt and honest personality too. Nothing bad against you. She said you have to come in to get it trimmed to make it better (and for business).

The opposite happened to me. When I used to get my hair highlighted, I once said how it's so dry and damaged and so much breakage it has from highlighting. She said that it's not actually that bad and nicer than I think (continue business?). It made me feel good, but I knew my hair was in bad condition and is now going to take years to grow it out.

[pepperminttea]

If it were me, I'd make a formal complaint to her manager, and then never go back to that salon again. There are stylists out there who will respect your hair, and if you can't find any locally, maybe you could try self-trimming (http://feyeselftrim.livejournal.com/)? :)

She was tactless and harsh, and trimming every two months is too often for most people if you're going for growth rather than maintaining. If you like going to a stylist, it should be an experience you enjoy, not one that makes you feel rubbish. :grouphug: It'll be her loss (and her pocketbook's!) to not have you as a customer.

[jeanniet]

I would have just calmly said, "My hair has suffered due to some medical issues, but I'm working to get it into better shape. Can we discuss my trim, or would you prefer that I make an appointment with someone else?"

You don't have to put up with anything you don't like. The same thing goes for anyone else who's experiencing problems with a stylist. Don't wait until it's to the point where you have to post about it here--if a stylist says or does something that you don't appreciate, speak up for yourself. Walk out if you're really unhappy. And the converse is true, too--if you get really good service, say so. Tell the stylist how happy you are with their services, and tip accordingly.

[ladyfey]

Almost the same thing happened to me years ago. I had gotten my knee-length hair cut to a shoulder length bob, loved it. When I went back for a trim, the hair stylist was running her hands through my hair and REALLY loudly was saying how disgustingly oily it was and going on and on about "are you still using conditioner, with virgin hair this length you don't need to use conditioner. I mean look at this, look at how just greasy it is!" Everyone in the place looking at me. I was horrified. She remembered me from the original cut, so she knew that I was used to long hair, all she needed to do was point out to me (and ONLY me) that I no longer needed to condition. She was right, stopped conditioning and it was great, but she was horrible for how she went about it. Guess why my hair is back past knee? I never went back after that!
I feel your pain, I agree that you should make a complaint. Really, you might be helping her, learning some tact might help her business.

[UltraBella]

She could have - and should have -treated you with much more care than she did. It was unnecessary for her to announce your hair "short fallings" and to be so harsh. As she becomes more experienced, she will learn that this does not make clients want to return. Or, someone like me will quite vocally put her in her place and she will learn to approach clients differently. Either way, it is a lesson she will probably learn the hard way.
Most hairstylists like for you to feel beautiful when you leave the salon, not emotionally bruised. Not all hairstylists are like this, at all.

[dulce]

This happened to me too years ago-went in for a trim and she held out my strands as if they were contaminated and said my hair was so bad she didn't even feel like she wanted to touch it!Very embarrassing.Being young and shy I stupidly let her cut off my long hair to shoulder length and it was not unhealthy.If anyone ever pulled that on me today I would immediately just get up out of that chair and walk out without saying a word.

[Juicematic]

I'm sorry! I wouldn't give her your business anymore. She will probably lose business due to her approach with clients (not to mention probably getting cursed out a ton too)

You joined this forum so you are already starting on the right path to improving your hair. Taken in all the good info and your hair will look 10 times better than the stylist before you know it!

[cuddledumplin]

I've even had a stylist call my hair thin, and trust me, it isn't. (I think she meant that it's not as thick as it looks, but she called it "quite thin"). If you're happy with your hair, don't let her ruin it for you. She just sounds rude.

[SheeJee]

Thank you so much for your replies everyone, you've made me feel so much better :)

The thing that struck me was that she was so casual about her comments, the person that said that she must have talked about my hair just like she would talk about the weather was so correct - and because I was so embarrassed and conscious about my hair loss and medical condition I was just dumbfounded and left speechless, ordinarily I would have said something, actually my mum was sitting right next to me getting her hair cut and she didn't think much of it, she told me 'Oh it's just hair, the important thing is that you're healthy now and you're on the road to recovery so what does it matter if you have thin hair" I suppose she is right, even though I guess I was still hurt ultimately.

I will just go to my usual hairstylist from now on, he is just so lovely to me, always congratulating me on not heatstyling my hair anymore *grins*, complementing the curls that I hate and is just very caring and sensitive in general.

Thank you all so much once again, I feel really calm and elated after reading your responses :):):)

[queenofnight]

Agreed! She probably just wanted to get you to come back every two months for a trim because she makes $$$$ every time she has a client.
Exactly! This is why I never go to a hair dresser. They always have something bad to say.

[Mesmerise]

Wow that hairdresser was extremely tactless!! That's why I don't go to hairdresser's...generally because I'm paranoid enough about my hair as it is!

Mind you, a couple of days ago we went to visit a friend of my husband's. He loaned her the money for a hair salon, and she's just opened it, and was giving us all free haircuts.

Well I let her trim mine a bit. The first thing she said is that "You have the opposite problem to your daughter's!" Her "problem" is that she has a LOT of fine hair and it tangles madly... so in essence she was saying to me that I have thin hair. Yup... I know... Still recovering from hair loss, which I pointed out to her. I even showed her how it gets obviously thinner at a certain point, and then I showed her a bunch of shorter hairs. Her response? "Hmm you don't BRUSH your hair when it's wet do you??" The implication beign that my hair was BROKEN and not regrowth :rolleyes:. Umm no... I don't... because I'm not an idiot (mind you I DO brush my daughter's hair when it's wet because she screams blue murder if you use a comb... just because of her weird tangly hair lol).

Then she said, "errm are you using henna?" (She had told me in the past about how BAD henna is with its metallic salts). I said, "Yes, I do, but the henna I use has no metallic salts!" She said, "Are you SURE?" Very skeptically... Yup, again I'm not an idiot :rolleyes:. In fact, I've never even see henna with metallic salts...

The thing is, I'm sure she didn't mean to be nasty. She is a friend and all that... but I'm still smarting over the comments she made about me having the opposite hair problem to my daughter's... because I'm already sensitive about how thin it is :(. It would have even been nice if she'd found ONE thing good about my hair. Like...errm the fact that you have to hunt for ages to find a single split end (which wouldn't be the case if my hair was broken :rolleyes:). Or that yeah, the henna colour is actually NICE! (I have had compliments on it before, and my husband really seems to like it). Sometimes it's good to balance the positives with the negatives!!

Next time I see her I'll probably wear my hair in a bun, because otherwise I'm going to feel that she's judging it!!

Mind you, that morning she washed her hair and her hair is pretty straight (I mean, I didn't see a single wave as it dried), and before we went out she said, "I have to go and straighten my hair!" So I'm sure her hair isn't 100% healthy either... especially if she's heat straightening it every time she washes it!

But yeah... hairdresser's CAN say things without meaning to actually hurt your feelings. However, some of us are a bit sensitive about our hair. I kind of see my hair as the one potentially pretty thing about me (like...errm with effort and time my hair WILL be pretty), so when I feel as if my hair is being criticised I feel extra unattractive, because it's sort of my one positive feature!!

[Tomoyo]

That's entirely unacceptable. The truth or lack thereof in what she was saying is not the point; it's still absolutely wrong for a professional to make their client feel ashamed or unworthy. It's one thing if you went to her and said "Look, I know I have X problem with my hair; what would you recommend?", but to come out of the blue and more or less ridicule you, loudly and in front of other customers, is beyond the pale.

If a fitness instructor saw you in their class one day and exclaimed how fat you were and saggy you'd allowed your glutes to become in front of the rest of the class, wouldn't you be furious?

[archel]

Oh yes, please find another stylist or learn to self trim - this nasty person clearly is just after your money and doesn't care about YOU at all. :(

[xoxophelia]

Wow that was SO rude of her! I have never had a stylist do anything like this to me and trust me, my hair has not always been and is not perfect. Keep in mind that if she is a stylist she very well could have extensions. I have hair that can take a decent amount but flat ironing every single day does effect everybody's hair.

I don't think you should ever go back to her. You can even go to a barber shop if you have a fairly simple haircut.

Don't let it get you down. You are a work in progress! Eye on the prize :)

[KwaveT]

I am definitely sorry you had to hear that. Her behavior is utterly insensitive and tactless. If she is taking care of her hair like that she won't be able to hide that damage forever. Your hair will look better than hers then. What goes around comes around. It reminds me of what happened to me at work today. I had one of our associates at work today tell me that my hair is disgusting because I let it go three days without a wash. Some don't understand that less is more when it comes to washing your hair. I CO wash my hair three times a week and use shampoo as sparing as I can because it makes my hair oily. Some need to learn the lesson if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. I'd take my business elsewhere.

[celebriangel]

I'm so sorry this happened to you!

If you feel up to it, you could post a picture of your hair - I'm sure you'd get lots of love and support. Don't feel bad about thin hair - our lovely member piggy has i which she keeps between hip and tailbone, and let me tell you it is STUNNING!

I find that hairstylists are like people generally - you get a mix of lovely hairstylists, okay hairstylist and the occasional rude hairstylist just like you do in the rest of the world. Chin up! You can definitely find a nice hairstylist; the easiest way of doing this is discussing the cut before you get in the chair, and if the stylist is not being nice to you you can simply decide to take your business elsewhere :)

[akuamoonmaui]

Wow. I was hurt just listening to those words. She kept twisting that knife..... I wouldn't go back. It's important to be conscientious of others' feelings in any industry you work in and she seems to have been oblivious or callous, I'm not sure which. I would call it unprofessional at best.

[WinterButterfly]

So she isn't a fan of your light weight happy fairy hair? Hair that moves in the breeze and flits in the sun? She's jelouse of your prettyness.

[kidari]

I'm so sorry she made you feel that way. Next time at the moment of the consultation if you don't get a good feeling simply walk away before they start doing anything. Long time ago I got a recommendation to go to this girl at a salon because I liked my coworker's hair and made an appointment. The moment I saw her she was immediately rude to me. I should have known to just walk away but no I just sat there taking her abuse and quite possibly the worst haircut of my life AND I paid and tipped her but I knew I was never coming back. Sometimes you get a sense right away and it's better you walk away immediately than risk a horrible overall experience.

[Sweetie]

oh poor thing, this happened to me last time I visited an hairdresser (three years and more ago), I had APL hair which she cut more than I had asked and she said I would never have been able to grow my hair long if I didn't go and trim every 3 months!
So I learned how to cut myself, I do it once a year and my hair has grown a lot and looks good and healty. I often happen to think - I would like to go and show her my hair to let her know I did grow my hair, without her "help".
I simpathize.

[heartgoesboom]

first, i doubt the stylist was jealous or has ugly hair even though she's extremely rude and tactless. second, i've TORTURED my hair to the point that i rarely went to a hairstylist unless i really had to back in the day and the worst thing my hair stylist said (was the truth) that she was only taking off enough to even up my ends from the breakage from regular styling. i was always scared i'll get scolded for doing what i wanted to do to my hair! third, you said your hair is hot what it was because of medical problems and stress... i would've spoken up and embarrassed her right back so she knows sometimes people can't help what happens to their hair.

[BabyRay33]

Sorry that happened to you. I think sometimes stylists say things to make it seem like there is a bigger problem than there really is, because if your hair is perfectly healthy and long, how often will they see you in the salon?

Once or twice a year, if at all?

You probably won't buy any products from them either, because you know that there are cones and chemicals and nasties in what they sell (usually) and they are overpriced anyway.

So she has nothing to gain from telling you that your hair looks good, because if that is the case, you'll never be back.

Of course everyone has some issue with their hair that they are working on, layers, color, damage, etc, but I'm sure what you have is a lot better than she let on!

Cheer up and this is a journey, not a race!

[sheepofshalott]

:disbelief Wow. I'm so sorry you were treated that way, totally unprofessional. I hope you told her boss. Making a paying customer feel like dirt is not ok.

I stopped going to hairdressers after having one cut 6 *more* inches off than I wanted without my permission. I still miss having someone else wash my hair, though. If you find a good one stick with them!

[Lostsoule77]

I'm sorry you went through this. Some people are just more blunt than they should be and they don't even realize it. I tend to try and look for the good reasons why people do bad things though so take that with a grain of salt. Just remind yourself that your hair being thin is nothing you have control over and it won't be that way forever since you say you have new hair coming in. Try to keep your hair up and don't think about it and it'll be thicker before you realize it. Plus just being on here your already trying to be better to your hair. Just stick with your regular stylist from now on and if you need validation on how nice your hair is come here. :)