Shattered Dreams?

[Shelly]

I need some serious help. I've been sitting here thinking about the poor condition my hair is currently in, how long it's going to take to get it looking healthy again and I just feel like cutting it and starting over. I feel like I'll never reach my goal length. These thoughts have put me in tears. What can I do to get rid of these thoughts and these feelings? I feel like it's going to take at least 10 years to het my hair looking good again. I used to get all kinds of compliments but now I don't get any at all. Yes, I know what needs to be done and I'm going to do it but for some reason these things won't quit bouncing back and forth in my mind. I just feel like giving up.

Then my growth rate doesn't help the matter any. Back when I did measure monthly I was lucky if I got .25 inches if I got any growth at all. My hair only grew 4 inches yearly. I wish there was a "Miracle Grow" for hair. I don't know how much my hair grows monthly now because I don't measure monthly any more but I doubt a whole lot has changed. The only thing I have found the helps increase my growth is HF37 and there's no way I can afford that right now. I just don't know what to do.

[lastnite]

if HF37 helps, have you tried other vitamins and maybe a protein shake (whey, casein, food( to get the amino acids HF37 has? Also make sure you are eating healthy to begin with.

and just baby your hair, I'm sure you are already following alot of the advice on this board - maybe go sulfate free, CO only, oils, SMT and if you can, buy a few nice hair sticks or clips and just bun up your hair and forget about it, then before you know it it will be looking nice again.

[MsBubbles]

What happened to your hair since you started growing it? Did you color/bleach it, or go through a huge shed, or have to take meds that weren't hair-friendly?

ETA: sorry. Didn't read all your post!

Do you think getting plenty of exercise daily would speed up your growth a bit? (not sure how active you already are!). Are you on a restrictive diet? Do you drink enough water?

Anyway, hugs to you and hang in there!

[LuciousLox]

You're definitely not alone.

In fact - I thought the exact same thing to myself today, about it taking 10 years until my hair will be where I want it to be. I had nightmares about my hair last night, too. :(

It's so depressing and frustrating. I feel so hopeless because 90% of my hair is breaking off, from having color and bleach. The only part that is healthy is the top 3 inches. The rest of my hair is unsalvageable. Plus, I'm 7 months pregnant and it's making my hair break even more.

The only way my hair would look decent is if I flat-ironed it - but I don't. I just air dry my hair so I don't make it break even faster. So, ultimately I'm walking around with air-dried, butt ugly hair, that is frizzy, crispy, crunchy....

The only way to get rid of this problem, would be to chop it all off. But that would probably give me a heart attack because I would look like a boy with short hair. I would look heavier with short hair, (I have a round face.) My husband would be so unhappy if I cut my hair... And I would feel even further away from my goal. It's a lose / lose situation.

So, you're not alone....

:(

I just don't know what to do... It's either chop it off now... Or chop it off slowly and have nasty hair for years.

[Madora]

I need some serious help. I've been sitting here thinking about the poor condition my hair is currently in, how long it's going to take to get it looking healthy again and I just feel like cutting it and starting over. I feel like I'll never reach my goal length. These thoughts have put me in tears. What can I do to get rid of these thoughts and these feelings? I feel like it's going to take at least 10 years to het my hair looking good again. I used to get all kinds of compliments but now I don't get any at all. Yes, I know what needs to be done and I'm going to do it but for some reason these things won't quit bouncing back and forth in my mind. I just feel like giving up.

Then my growth rate doesn't help the matter any. Back when I did measure monthly I was lucky if I got .25 inches if I got any growth at all. My hair only grew 4 inches yearly. I wish there was a "Miracle Grow" for hair. I don't know how much my hair grows monthly now because I don't measure monthly any more but I doubt a whole lot has changed. The only thing I have found the helps increase my growth is HF37 and there's no way I can afford that right now. I just don't know what to do.

As far as your growth rate is concerned, perhaps you could consult a trichologist (hair doctor) to see if there's a medical reason why your hair grows slowly.

I don't know how badly damaged your hair is but if you want to consider growing it longer, just trim off the bottom ends a few inches and then hope for the best and baby your hair as much as you can. Then continue with small trims every three to four months. Good luck!

[spidermom]

My advice wouldn't be of much use to you because I'm not very sentimental. If the way my hair looked really bothered me, I'd cut it back to a point that I felt it looked better. Then I'd feel better.

[Airmide]

:grouphug: I'm sorry you're going through that!! I can relate in some ways. I see monthly measure-in threads and such and it's just depressing to me, as my hair grows so slowly! But any progress is good progress right?

Could you tell us more about your routine? And I didn't see what had happened to deteriorate the condition of your hair?

The things I did to at least get out of my 10 year mid-thigh stall and improve my overall condition once I found LHC were - CO only, cone free, stretch washes as much as possible, wear hair up especially at night, satin pillowcases (usually around $2 at goodwill!) and oiling. Since then I've switched to CW(W)C and am experimenting with sulfate free products, and only wash at most once every 2 weeks, sometimes longer. If you may be experiencing buildup, you can add a little baking soda into your shampoo or conditioner to clarify, but be sure not to do that too often and to oil your hair after!

Also maybe you could do micro trims or S&D if you're experiencing velcro ends? And what about Henna or something like that? I've never tried it but a lot of people here have great success!

My latest miracle product is Euphony's "Too Shea!" handmade whipped shea butter. It's good for skin also but it's been just truly amazing in my hair! I use a tiny amount, like maybe half a pea size? It coats my hair a little but doesn't leave it waxy or oily looking at all. It feels a lot smoother and visually looks in MUCH better condition, even after the first time of using it! Mine is Lemon Parfait scent which she doesn't yet have up on her site but you could probably contact her about it. I was nearly huffing the sample jar when I was at her booth lol. And today my husband, who doesn't usually get excited about scents even let me try a little on him and said "it smells even better in the warm car!". I'm sure all her other scents are great too! http://elateyoursenses.com/joomla/index.php?page=shop.browse&category_id=8&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=55

[justgreen]

The first thing you need to do is stop obsessing over this because stress is NOT good for you or your hair.

I've seen your hair and it is nowhere near the 'cutting it all off' stage. We've been texting and I'm serious about helping you through this, ok? For right now, just baby it and kept it up in an up-do. (((((((hugs))))))
*justy*

[Airmide]

Justy I'm happy to see you posting here! I was hoping you might be able to be a support for Shelly.

Also Shelly I wanted to mention - just because you're not getting compliments does not mean that people aren't thinking them! I often see hair I'm impressed by, but can't always go running across a parking lot or screaming out a car window lol. I bet many people admire your hair from afar and just don't think to mention it to you.

And I've been at LHC for 5 years. My hair seems MUCH longer and in better condition, but I'm only averaging about 2" growth a year! At my rate it'll take at least 5 more years to reach my goal, for a total of 10 years to reach goal, and that's assuming I don't have any more major sheds due to health issues (I went through a phase where I was losing about 300 strands a day!).

[LuciousLox]

The first thing you need to do is stop obsessing over this because stress is NOT good for you or your hair.

I've seen your hair and it is nowhere near the 'cutting it all off' stage. We've been texting and I'm serious about helping you through this, ok? For right now, just baby it and kept it up in an up-do. (((((((hugs))))))
*justy*

I know your advice is for Shelly, but I'm going to take this advice for myself :) You are right when you say stress does no good. And that's all I've been doing about my situation... Stressing.

[Shelly]

Thank you ladies. I've done a lot of thinking since making the original post and reading the replies here. The decline in the condition of my hair hit me like a ton of bricks. My stress levels. I'm not one to talk about my personal life in an environment like this so I'll give a readers digest version without a whole lot of details. :lol:
Last year I was pregnant and had a baby girl. I had my hair down when labor started and, of course, didn't take the time I didn't have to put it up. :lol: more recently my ex husband and father of my oldest 2 children is being a total jerk. Doing everything he can and lieing to get his way and he's getting his way for now causing me to get a second full time job just to make ends meet. Yes, my DBF has a full time job but his past is taking 25% of his checks.

That is just a small part of why the condition of my hair has gone down hill. Thank you all so very much. I really do appreciate it.

Justy, we will talk more later and possibly get together again either Monday or Tuesday. I love you girl.

:grouphug:

[Alaia]

Also Shelly I wanted to mention - just because you're not getting compliments does not mean that people aren't thinking them! I often see hair I'm impressed by, but can't always go running across a parking lot or screaming out a car window lol. I bet many people admire your hair from afar and just don't think to mention it to you.


This! I've NEVER gotten compliments on my hair apart from on here.

I'm also really shy about giving compliments to hair I admire in person.

So just because nobody's said anything doesn't mean they aren't thinking it!

:grouphug: I'm sorry to hear life isn't treating you the best at the moment.

[lorelai2012]

Shelly, I haven't seen any pics so I have no idea whether your hair is as bad as you think it is. It probably isn't. I'm so sorry you've been having a terrible time. I'm going to say something controversial that is in no way meant to belittle the anguish you are feeling, and is said with love.

It's only hair.

Now I know that at LHC our hair is a massive part of our identity, and keeping it in condition is somewhat of an obsession. But your hair is just hair, and it should not cause you so much anguish when you have so much going on in your life (both good and bad). Our standards for our hair are so high because we breathe the rarefied air of the LHC, and sometimes that can be a little toxic- I myself took a long break from LHC because I was suffering from total dissatisfaction brought about by comparing myself to the more careful, more genetically blessed, less stressed, glossy maned glamazons of the LHC with whom I couldn't compete. Now I'm not suggesting you do anything that you don't really want, but a little time spent not comparing yourself so harshly, less time thinking about your hair, and maybe a little trim (no more than 4 inches!) might make all the difference to your confidence. Your hair can never make you look as pretty as a smile on your face can.

Best wishes,
Lorelai

[bunzfan]

I know how frustrating it is when you want long hair and its not growing fast enough i just wanted to add are you eating well? this made a big impact on me, the reason i mention it is i have 2 children one of them is 2 and i know how hard it is to eat properly when your as busy as you are.

My hair seemed to grow really slow but once i started taking a multi vitamin and eating protein,veggies & fruit my growth rate really speeded up before i lived off pizza,burgers,carbs etc:o I highly recommend oil on your ends to that really saved my hair...oh and one more thing wear it up if you can, it really cuts down on the damage HTH :)

[may1em]

Sounds like you're super stressed out!

I'd recommend a few things:
1. Either find a way to enjoy your hair as it is, or keep it up and try not to think about it. Look into hair wrapping or large rollers if you like the way it looks straight better. Or go the opposite way and set it so it's wavy or curly. Sometimes I like to damp braid and then use pillow rollers instead of elastics to set the ends and tie them off. When it dries, it's nicely wavy, and not frizzy at all.

2. You are worth so much more than your hair. Find some dreams to concentrate on aside from this.

3. Remember that most of the hair pictures here are carefully presented to show hair at its best. We all have bad hair days, but we tend not to take photos of them.

4. Breathe! Your brain and your hair follicles need oxygen!

[doodlebug66]

I know what stress and surgery can do to your hair. I had a stressful job and 3 major surgeries in 3 years and my hair look terrible and lost over half. I now I have a pixie cut i am growing out. Cannot wait til it is long again. You got some very good advice that I have been following as well.

[teal]

Also Shelly I wanted to mention - just because you're not getting compliments does not mean that people aren't thinking them! I often see hair I'm impressed by, but can't always go running across a parking lot or screaming out a car window lol. I bet many people admire your hair from afar and just don't think to mention it to you.

Wouldn't the world be a much better place if everyone had time, etc, to go running across parking lots to tell people how nice their hair is? :D

[justgreen]

I love you too, new IRL friend! We will get you through this, don't worry. Text me when you get a chance! :flowers:

[justgreen]

I know your advice is for Shelly, but I'm going to take this advice for myself :) You are right when you say stress does no good. And that's all I've been doing about my situation... Stressing.

Stop that! Stressing, that is. I hope you have good fortune in growing your hair. You have found the right place to help you and urge you along.:D

[Shelly]

I love you too, new IRL friend! We will get you through this, don't worry. Text me when you get a chance! :flowers:

I'll text you tomorrow and maybe we can set something up for Tuesday. :flowers: