goal insecurity

[owlathena]

I'm really uncomfortable sharing my hair goals with people IRL. The only people who know about my goal length are my two very best friends.

Whenever a friend or acquaintance compliments my length, one of my very best friends says "You think its long now...she wants to grow it to her butt!" And it makes me really uncomfortable. I cant really explain why it upsets me, but it does. My hair is such a personal thing to me, as I suspect it is for many of us on here.

I talked to him about it, he didnt realize that it bothered me and didnt understand why. I told him that telling people my hair goals was comparable to telling them my weight goals or something equally personal.

He thought I was being ridiculous. Its just hair.

And maybe I am being ridiculous.

So...anyone else uncomfortable with being forced into sharing their hair goals?

[mallorykay13]

Me for sure. I tell people that I care about that my goal is Hip. No one knows its actually classic.

[longhairedlady]

I tell only very few people that I am growing it long, and even they dont know just how long! I dont tell everyone because most comments I get about my hair being long are somewhat negative.

[QueenJoey]

I tell people I just want to grow it out. No one IRL is aware I wish for drag-on-the-ground-two-feet-behind-me length ;)

[Lisa R]

Yes! I would have to agree. I actually don't tell anyone except my husband unless someone does ask me which they never have - yet!!

I would feel the same as you if my friend made that comment in front of me to someone else. It is a personal thing and I would feel uncomfortable and maybe embarassed. That's just me.

[fluffybunny]

The annoying thing is when someone you've shared something with thinks it's Ok to go repeat that in front of others. I greatly dislike that when it happens. I really think they know better than they're trying to tease you for "fun".

But yeah, I avoid publicizing my hair goals. I recognize it's a bit weird and I'm more likely to get "why on earth would you want to do that?" than "oh, cool!"

[growingpains]

I'm not never forced into sharing my goals, but I am a bit uncomfortable sharing my goal with people. When asked how long I am growing it I always kind of gesture around my hips at the same time as looking up expecting to get chastised or get negative reactions. So far only my dad thinks my goals are too long. My bf, however, is totally on board and when I suggested the other day I may want it longer than hip he was like "the longer the better" which made me happy.

[AnqeIicDemise]

Yeah, I don't say much about it either. I made the mistake of posting a goal progress picture on FB the other day. One of my closest friends said that she never knew of me to be so obsessed with my hair in the last few years. I am sure she meant it as a joke, but I found it obsessive.

The truth is I DO care and have cared for a long time. I just decided to be serious about it. I have a blog that no one IRL except my husband knows about and an FB page dedicated only to my hair. I honestly thought I was in the other page when I posted the picture.

[The_Redhead]

I haven't told anybody, but mainly because no one has asked. Most people I know think I'm weird enough without asking about my hair. The rest don't really care what I do with it. Several friends are long hairs though. 1 classic/mid-thigh-ish, 1 mid back (male), both my parents are upper back, hubby's approaching armpit.

Most of the people that comment on how long it's getting are usually being supportive/observant rather then critical.

Having said this, I find I really like my friends. :)

Shannon

[Hotrox]

I didn't tell anyone my goal, if they ask I just say that I am 'growing it'. Part of the reason is that I don't really know what my ultimate goal is and I'm also scared that if I make the goal real I might 'fail' and not make it. I just focus on the next milestones individually.

But even if I new for sure, I wouldn't tell anyone, its personal and nobody else's business.

[teal]

I think I've only told DH and my brother, two people I already knew to be supportive of me having long hair. I think I also told my mom (also supportive). I also posted a pic on FB and I just got a few "wow your hair sure has grown" comments. Nothing bad.

Maybe your friend doesn't realize how near and dear to your heart your growth goal is. Try talking to him again. He might not understand that for you this is just as important as weight is for some other people, and you're similarly emotionally tied to it. If he tries the "it's just hair" line again, you can say "it isn't 'just' hair to me; please don't share my goals with other people"... and if he's still not respectful then maybe he isn't as good a friend as you thought he was.

[Monsterkitti]

I don't really share my goals with anyone unless I'm directly asked if I'm aiming at a length and even then I usually point at around hip even though I'm still thinking going for Classic is my ultimate goal.

I don't know why really, I guess I'm happy with my goal and am just avoiding any possible negative comments / well meaning advice I don't want.

[MasCat]

Well, if somebody asked me I'd say "terminal" ;)

At the same time: isn't it wonderful that we have the LHC where we can share our goals and everybody is giving us the thumbs up?

love :*

[MsBubbles]

It's nobody else's business (IRL!) what my hair plans are! If somebody even attempts to bring it up, I tell them I like it as it is, and then I look away, or if they persist I indicate that it's not up for discussion. I'm fiercely defensive about this.

[Hile]

I would feel really uncomfortable too if that happened to me. My hair is a very personal thing for me and I would not want people to start paying attention or commenting on it.I can only think about one friend who is close enough and who is also interested in hair to tell about my goals. Still, I haven't told her (yet) partly because my main goal right now is to grow out damage rather than reach longer lenghts.

So far only one person has asked me whether I am growing my hair out on purpose. I told her that I am and it's a childhood dream, luckily there were no further questions;)

[WaitingSoLong]

Yeah, I don't say much about it either. I made the mistake of posting a goal progress picture on FB the other day.

A couple years ago I posted a back-view picture of my hair on FB. No one commented on it on FB, but some people IRL commented I was obsessed with my hair and found it odd or weird or especially vain.

Maybe they are right. :shrug: I really don't care, but I removed the picture anyway. This made me realize that TLHC is sort of its own little world and people not here don't understand how freely we talk about hair. Even my DH at first did not see how a whole forum could exist because of hair but he has learned. Funny, now he suggests things for me to look up or post. LOL

Anyway, I have never shared my hair goal with anyone. I have jokingly said "to the floor" when people have asked followed with "I don't know" and an attempt to change the subject.

I keep changing my hair goal so I could not really tell you what it is anyway. Right now, it is Classic.

[Nev]

I dont like sharing my hair goals with people outside of LHC. Most of their comments and input aren't helpful. it's my hair i'll do what i want with it.

[KwaveT]

I don't mind at all on this forum. It is probably well more than 30 inches. That's more of a mini-goal. In my real life, I get a little vague about it. I usually tell others that I am aiming for at least shoulder length. I am probably aiming more like waist length if I can get there. I just haven't measured what that length it is. I would get all sorts of criticism from my family and surrounding relatives if they knew I wanted waist length hair. In their mind, men aren't suppose to have long hair. They don't like me growing it as is.

[Carolyn]

I've never been asked what my goal is. No one in my real life has any interest in my hair. They know it's "long" and that's about it. I've been growing it for over 10 years and before a layered cut to shoulders it was mid back to APL for years. I never bring up the subject either. I have a good friend who trims it once in a while and even she has never asked. I don't know how you could be forced into telling your hair goals. There are plenty of vague, non committal replies to the question. Something like "um I dunno. I'm happy with it now". Then steer the convo in another direction.

[Aveyronnaise]

Nobody really asks ...yet, but I have said a few times that " I'll think about cutting it when it gets to my knees. " it's just something I'll keep to myself.

[sun-kissed]

My family already thinks I'm weird for all the food-ingredients I put on my hair. So now whenever I'm eating something good-looking I start pondering outloud about whether or not it'd be god to put in my hair, just for the looks. :p

But they support my growing goal, which is classic. My grandmother was the one who drove me to the store to buy my first batch of rooibos tea, and my sister has even joined me setting her goal to waist length. Then I've converted my brother :eyebrows: he had a long-standing dandruff problem, and so I told him to go two weeks without shampoo. He did it, and now he is a faithfull WOer.

As for people outside of my family, they think I'm weird enough without me telling them that I want to be able to sit on my hair. I keep my goal to myself, and kind of blow the topic off when my mom tells people that I write a hair blog. :rolleyes:

[Cainwen]

I don't think I've really talked to anyone other than DH and my sister about hair length goals. And to both my honest answer is "I'll stop growing it longer when it reaches an annoying length". Which is what I would tell anyone who was interested. I don't particularly mind being weird though. I got much worse questions/looks when I covered my hair 24/7.

[Vallena]

I don't really share either and just say something like "I'm just letting it grow out" if someone happens to ask. Most people probably wouldn't care if I told them my goals, it just feels a bit personal to me.

[jojo]

Nobody really asks me how long I am growing my hair, though I was out the other week and had my hair down which is rare for me. A friend who is male came up and said wow Jo your hair is getting really long are you growing so you can sit on it? i replied no until I can stand on it!! he just looked at my husband and said beautiful isn't it, good for you Jo! which kinda made my day!

But if somebody asked id tell them I am growing to and point to just below my bum as they wouldnt understand the meaning of classic but I don't volunteer the information because it would make me look like a nerd, if they asked then there either trying to spark a conversation or they really are interested!

[heartgoesboom]

No one knows my ultimate goal of classic but lhc and my bf. He said it's cool! I once told a girl I wanted hip length hair and she gave me an ew face.

[FrozenBritannia]

Thus far, only the LHC knows my goal. Hubby knows I am "Growing it out" and approves, and I have told 2 close friends that I told I am trying to wear it up every day till xmas (one laughed (nicely), and the other totally got it). I don't think I will tell anybody how long I want to grow it except to say "long"... but then, as I'm only at shoulder length, nobody has really asked! I expect the questions to start around BSL. :)

[Remyy]

I'm the same way!! I feel like they'll think I'm insane for thinking so much about my hair. My goal is past hip but I don't really tell people because my hairs condition right now is not that great so I get insecure that they'll think "why bother, your hair doesn't even look good now as it is."

Insecurities are the worst.

[ladylovecraft]

I might be the odd one out here but it never bothers me if someone asks or tells my hair goals. I'm happy that my friends remember that I'm growing my hair out at all and to have them specify how long is cute of them (the only people who do this do it with excited looks on their faces, so I think it's sweet). If I get a weird look or comment in response, it really never bothers me... I guess I'm sort of acclimated to this though. I dress and look how I want to, and if anyone has a problem with that, it's their issue. Stop looking at me if it bothers you so much. I have the sense of decorum to not give funny looks or comments when someone says that they're cutting their hair, even though I may think they'll look silly with the haircut. I just wish others had the sense to do the same.

[julierockhead]

People who ask me personal questions about my personal hygiene get the long, cool stare.

I have told my daughter I am growing to classic, if I can. My husband doesn't really care - I dyed my hair recently, henna red from mousy brown-blonde and he didn't notice, so I think I am safe from his interference.

[einna]

I share some hair goals and routines with DBF, but mostly I am happy to keep the details at LHC. To my friends I say I am growing it longer, using gentle haircare and lots of DTs and that I dont color my hair anymore, no spesifics really. I do discuss DTs and such with some friends that are a little into hair, but they are going the very conventional route, so I keep it light ;) If someone ever seems really interested however, I will share more =). Maybe that will happen when my hair looks beautifully healthy at BSL or even waist ;)

[PurusNox]

I wouldn't normally have a problem telling people about my hair goals but two incidents have happened at school that has started to annoy me. First day back of this year and we had a new tutor, we were told to introduce ourselves and say two facts about ourselves. When it gets to me I say "My Lifelong goal is to grow my hair down to my bottom" (Since nobody would understand what I meant if I said Classic). And of course, laughter ensued as if they thought I was joking.

Then just today, I was sitting in my graphics lesson when one of my classmates said "David, how long are you growing your hair" So i repeated the same answer I did before. Then the whole class started laughing, even the teacher!!

However, even with these incidents, I'd still openly tell people if they ask as I'm proud of having a goal for my hair :)

[SusanSt]

I don't tell anybody my hair goals (except my husband). That's mostly because most people seem to think it's too long already...for my age! When I get comments, they seem to be mostly with an unspoken "Why do you want it that long?". I've never been asked, probably because people wouldn't expect that I'd want to grow it even longer!

[celebriangel]

I tell people the truth, which is that I'm not sure, but I'm aiming for at least Tailbone (I say butt-length), and will likely grow as long as I can while still being happy with its condition/manageability.

But then...I tend to tell people lots of stuff. It's...sortof a test, but not in a bad way. Like, this is the way I am, are you comfortable with that? Because if not, that's okay, we just probably won't hang around much. I have got used to letting my weirdness hang out; even if I try to keep it in, it still tends to slop over the sides a bit and then people aren't expecting it.

[Airmide]

If people ask (which they somewhat often do, when I'm wearing it down) I say I hope to reach at least ankle before I hit terminal. Past that I'd be curious to see how long it grows, but I enjoy wearing it down so I might not want it much longer.

I'd take it as a compliment that people are wondering what your goals are, or remarking on your hair so your friend feels like he wants to chime in with your goals.

If it bothers you, maybe you can talk more with your friend about why you don't want him to tell others, or how you'd prefer he express it? I'd say "butt length" might be uncomfortable for some just because of the word "butt". Maybe there's another term you could use? I know most people outside of LHC won't recognize the term "classic".

[FrozenBritannia]

If people ask (which they somewhat often do, when I'm wearing it down) I say I hope to reach at least ankle before I hit terminal. Past that I'd be curious to see how long it grows, but I enjoy wearing it down so I might not want it much longer.

I'd take it as a compliment that people are wondering what your goals are, or remarking on your hair so your friend feels like he wants to chime in with your goals.

If it bothers you, maybe you can talk more with your friend about why you don't want him to tell others, or how you'd prefer he express it? I'd say "butt length" might be uncomfortable for some just because of the word "butt". Maybe there's another term you could use? I know most people outside of LHC won't recognize the term "classic".

How about "she wants to be able to sit on it" or "she's going to grow it till it sweeps the chair she sits on" or maybe even "Till she can tuck it in her back pockets".

[uptosomeone]

I've just started telling people I'm growing it long/waist/however much past that I want to go if it looks nice, but everyone has been completely supportive! :)

[Cirafly24]

If someone asks, I just put my hands at classic, and say "to about here." :) I don't get asked all that often. Once in a while someone will comment on the length, but they rarely ask how long I want it.

I also don't mention that once it gets to "about there" ;), I will very likely keep growing.

[gthlvrmx]

I tell people I just want to grow it out. No one IRL is aware I wish for drag-on-the-ground-two-feet-behind-me length ;)
I know right? I say that too when they ask about my hairstick. It's best maybe not to mention what your goals exactly are, but just say you're growing it out. My personal opinion there. Tucked away in it's snuggly bun as a safe secret from the world.
And honestly, people give me looks and ive heard it before, "yeah right micle, you'll never get there."
BAH.
We'll see about that.
That or they will share their goal with me....which for the last 130491234 times has been waist length.
:cool: Watch and learn honey's. Watch this hair grow.

[MaryRose]

I only tell my DH my goals, no one else has asked. My hair is my business so I would be uncomfortable to talk about my long hair goals with just anyone.

[FrozenBritannia]

I wouldn't normally have a problem telling people about my hair goals but two incidents have happened at school that has started to annoy me. First day back of this year and we had a new tutor, we were told to introduce ourselves and say two facts about ourselves. When it gets to me I say "My Lifelong goal is to grow my hair down to my bottom" (Since nobody would understand what I meant if I said Classic). And of course, laughter ensued as if they thought I was joking.

Then just today, I was sitting in my graphics lesson when one of my classmates said "David, how long are you growing your hair" So i repeated the same answer I did before. Then the whole class started laughing, even the teacher!!

However, even with these incidents, I'd still openly tell people if they ask as I'm proud of having a goal for my hair :)

Back in highschool, one of the boys in my grade was growing his out, and last time I saw him he had waist length hair, but my goodness we were all green with envy! He had this thick blonde hair that went naturally into these huge curls (like from a 2 or 3 inch curling iron only he didn't use one) that cascaded down over his shoulders and back and was thick all the way.. it was gorgeous... The only one who wasn't envious was his sister, who had the same hair but longer!

I wonder if he's still growing it, 9 years later?

[Lostsoule77]

I've never had anyone ask me. I've had long hair my whole life & noone really says much except my aunt & cousin who say I should cut it. I've told my DH. He kinda ignores it. I don't know if I'd be upset if he told someone. I don't think so. If people don't like it that's their problem not mine. I kind of have this attitude with most things. I'm introverted and private, but things that are essentially me are out in the open anyway.

As for your friends I'd sit down with them and go over it again. Tell them that to them it may just be hair, but it's a bit more to you. Let them know that it may seem silly to them, but it's not to you. It's something you tell them as your friends and it's not for everyone. If they can't get that into their thick skulls maybe you should keep further information like this to yourself and LHC.