Boyfriend isn't fond of the idea of me changing my hair?

[sunshine-locks]

Recently, I wanted to cut my fringe to my eyebrows because I thought it would be cute and I could wear lots of adorable headbands and clips (that, and my current fringe is too short to put behind my ear, and too long to have in my face) and I thought cutting it into a forehead fringe would deal with the problem for now, so I asked my boyfriend if that was okay, he said yes.
A few hours later, I mentioned to him that I was ready to cut it, and he didn't seem so happy. He then said he didn't want me to cut it, so I obliged and put the hair cutting scissors away, even though my current fringe is going to be hideous to grow out and is really bugging me.
He also wants me to grow long hair, even though when we first starting going out nearly 2 years ago, I had a chin length bob which he seemed to be fine with and all throughout our relationship, I've had medium length hair, he's never seen it long :confused: So... Anyone else in this situation? It's so confusing.

[BlazingHeart]

I really think you have to do your hair for yourself. If you don't like the way it looks and it's making you uncomfortable, you should be able to cut your fringe! While I certainly ask my fiance for input when I'm thinking about making hair decisions, if I want something, it's my hair and I'm going to do it. Really, I only ask him if I'm uncertain about something. If I know what I want, I don't bother because it's my hair.

I'd be uncomfortable in a relationship where someone thought it was okay to tell me what to do with my appearance.

~Blaze

[swearnsue]

I agree with BlazingHeart. If he doesn't like how you cut or style your hair, then it would be good to know how he is going to react now instead of months later. Also, when you first show him your new hair do it when your parents or friends are home with you, OK? Some reactions may get extreme and I don't want you to get hurt.

[sunshine-locks]

Thanks, I've wanted to change it for awhile now but don't really have anyone else to talk to about it apart from my mum, who wouldn't really understand, because she's quite traditional.
I think I may just cut my fringe anyway :D It IS my hair, and I should be able to do what I want with it!

[sunshine-locks]

He's not abusive and he wouldn't yell at me or get angry if I did change my hair, he would just get a bit upset because he likes it as it is O.o I just want a change in appearance for myself :P

[pink.sara]

Everything Blaze said!!

Also my 2 cents.... When I met my current SO I had hip length black and pink hair.... 2 years later I cut it to a chin length aysymmetric bob, with a heavy short blunt fringe and dyed it white.
Was he pleased? No, initially not. But after a few days it just became the norm and he doesn't love me less when my hair is short.... or white, black pink red purple for that matter.

Cutting your fringe if it is irritating you shouldn't make a jot of difference to a relationship, if it does it isn't much of a relationship!

[Carolyn]

Why are you even discussing it with him? If you want bangs, just go cut them. It's your hair not his. You don't have to ask his permission to change your hair style :rolleyes: He might have a preference on styles but you don't have to accommodate his preferences unless you want to. Don't bring up the subject at all. Just do what you want.

[MinderMutsig]

Do what you like. He'll get used to it and if he doesn't then he's just going to have to deal. It's your head and your hair.

DH didn't like me cutting my hair to pixie. I did it anyway and he got used to it. After a while I wanted to grow it out again and he didn't like that. Now he loves my hair long(er). In the end it's you he loves and he'll love you with different hair too.

Or not but if that is the case then he's really not worth your time. ;)

[julierockhead]

??? Why would you even ask him?

[HuggyBear]

Sounds like my SO. He gets upset whenever I mention cutting my hair. He loves my hair. I take his feelings into consideration just as he does mine. If I decide that I really need/want a trim, I tell him that's the way it is and I do it. He will get over it. It is my hair and I usually do what I want to with it but I am glad to have his input about my hair. :)

[MinderMutsig]

I don't think it's weird to discuss something like a haircut with your partner. I assume you trust them and their judgment and sometimes it's nice to get a second opinion. Asking someone for their opinion is not the same as asking permission and taking their opinion into consideration is not the same as blindly following.

[Cainwen]

DH gets nervous every time I mention doing something to my hair. He has trouble imagining it as anything other than it is, I think. I ask him his opinion, but in the end I will do what I want (although if he really strongly objected, I might not, since he has to look at me all day). I would cut in the fringe--it always will grow out again if you don't like it, and I'll bet in a few days he won't remember why he objected.

[sunshine-locks]

No, I know he'd definately be fine with it after awhile.
Part of his reasoning that he doesn't want me to change my hair is because afterwards I regret it (okay, most of the time he's right about that :P ) we've been together almost 2 years and he's seen my hair different colours, lengths and styles and loves me the same no matter what, and he knows what he likes best on me and i do admit, what he likes is also what I like, he'd just be a little put-out for a day or so if I cut it because he thinks it's fine as it is :)
I guess I just needed some reassurance that it's okay to do what I want, sorry if I made you guys think I was on the verge of being abused or anything, that is definately not the case :O I've just been confused about stuff in general lately, thank you all for the advice :)

[Alaia]

I can see why you would discuss it with him but really if you want to do it then just do it. It's yours after all.

Frankly, DH doesn't think he wants my hair longer than TB, but I'm going to grow it to knee (hopefully) anyway and he'll like it or like it! :lol:

[luxepiggy]

Why in the world did you ask him if was OK for you to change your appearance? ( ' (oo) ' )

It's your hair, style it the way you want to! My ex wanted me to cut my hair short & bleach it, but I simply developed a mysterious case of deafness whenever he brought it up (^(oo)^)v

[PurusNox]

He didn't have control over your hair when he first met you so you shouldn't let him control what you do with it now. I say go for it! :D

[AcornMystic]

You should definitely do it, if that is what you want.

I ask my husband, about all sorts of things that are ultimately my choice, simply because I like to know what is going on his head and what he thinks. It is a part of communicating. My husband though has seen me with a pixie and everywhere in between to APL (Granted some not IRL but pics) but's he's so dadgum in love with me I could go bald if I wanted and he'd find something about it he loved. He even wanted me to maintain my hair when I shaved it so he could do the "porcupine rub" next time he visited:D. I was eager to get rid of it though because it was done out of frustration to start my growing journey free of botched layers. I want to grow my hair to knee and he's so busy thinking of all the things I could do with long hair, even insisting on helping me with the tape measure to find out how long it would be to get to there.

All that said, your partner will adjust, but if he doesn't, like was already said, he's not worth your time.:)

EDIT: I should mention.. A lot of good can come from mentioning something you want to do instead of just doing it, because even though it's my decision and my husband would support me on it, I thank him for literally dragging me away from the dye when I almost broke down to streaking it in a moment of weakness and at the right circumstance. It was a dollar store! A bottle of dye for only a dollar, I mean come on! I tried to rationalize it that way and that I was just going to either streak it or dip dye it. He knows when I am going to regret something and that it was the bargain I was responding to not any real desire to actually do it and deal with the consequences. I am not ready to start dip dying yet, and will never streak farther than a few inches up. I want virgin ends again for the first time since I was an early teen.

[McFearless]

Let him voice is opinion. Smile and nod. Then get up, grab your scissors and lock yourself in the bathroom. Cut those bangs. :)

[getoffmyskittle]

Haha...

Here's my experience: every guy I've ever been even remotely involved with has liked my hair how it is and balked at the idea of change. But once I changed it, they'd be like "oh, that was a good idea!" :lol: Maybe this is just the kind of guy I attract, but I just don't think they care that much. They tend to see it as me = good, so changing me = not so good. But it's not a huge deal.

If your boyfriend made a huge fuss over it, I might say something else, but it sounds like he has the you = good syndrome... and that's a good thing!

[jojo]

I am a bit concerned that the words in your post which stands out are "he doesn't want, I asked him, he wants, I obliged and put the scissors away" this makes me concerned that a young girl of 15 who should be experimenting like any other teenager with her hair is being dictated to. I am sure you are very fond of your boyfriend, but this is your hair and your decision not his.

It appears and I may be totally wrong, that you are being controlled by this lad and as a mother of 2 girls this worries me. It is your hair and if you want a fringe you have the final say and if he doesn't like it, well tough!

[BlazingHeart]

When I met my fiance, I had waist-length hair. A few months after that, my first full summer in Philadelphia, the heat was getting to me and I cut it short. While he was a little bummed about the idea of me cutting off my hair, as he enjoyed the way it looked and felt. However, he recognized that the most important thing to was my comfort and my liking the way it looked.

I can understand talking to your significant other about making changes in your hair, really. When I am thinking about making changes but am not certain, I talk to my fiance. But when I know what I want, for looks or comfort or just to have some change, I generally tell him I AM doing whatever, instead of asking if it's okay. If I know I want to make a change to my appearance, it's not his place to approve or disapprove. If I'm not certain or I'm thinking about something but not set on it, I'll ask his preference.

When you know what you want, don't be afraid to do it without asking permission. If it doesn't affect or harm anyone else, (and no, I don't think changing one's appearance affects or harms anyone else unless it threatens the financial stability of your family or something like that), we're adults which means we don't have to ask anyone's permission.

~Blaze

Edited to add: Whoops. OP is a teen. So theoretically, you might need to ask a parent's permission for some things, but if a parent doesn't forbid it, then I'd say you can operate under the same principles.

[Lostsoule77]

I say do what YOU want. I understand taking his opinion into consideration, but not listening to it if it's different than what you want. I ask my DH and he says he doesn't care. I think he just might if I was serious about cutting because he loves long hair, but he knows I'm not because I'm just a long hair kinda girl. If you've already thought about it, to avoid regret after cutting, then just cut the fringe. It'll grow back to what it is in no time if you change your mind. Either way I hope you are happy with your decision. :)

[EvaSimone]

I don't think it's wrong to ask your partner how they feel about a haircut. I ask my DH if I am planning anything drastic how he feels about it. He has to look at me and be with me so it's only fair that I at least allow his :twocents:

I think some people are less able to deal with change. I got a three inch trim and went from hip to waist and my DH told me he thought it looked really short. :lol: But when I first started growing out my hair he thought anything past waist was too long (I was growing from a bob). Some people are just less comfortable with change. :shrug:

That being said DH knows that he doesn't "own my hair" or "own me" and that I'll do what I like in moderation but that I'll always take into consideration his opinions and likes/dislikes with whatever changes I make.

[swearnsue]

Men are really good at helping measure the length of hair. They get out the tape measure and are very exact. If they can use a tool, they are happy. They aren't always good at imagining changes in hair! Just my experience.

[luxepiggy]

Men are really good at helping measure the length of hair. They get out the tape measure and are very exact. If they can use a tool, they are happy. They aren't always good at imagining changes in hair! Just my experience.

http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff33/shoppingpiglet/piggies/hysterical.gif

I love this (^(oo)^)

[sunshine-locks]

I am a bit concerned that the words in your post which stands out are "he doesn't want, I asked him, he wants, I obliged and put the scissors away" this makes me concerned that a young girl of 15 who should be experimenting like any other teenager with her hair is being dictated to. I am sure you are very fond of your boyfriend, but this is your hair and your decision not his.

It appears and I may be totally wrong, that you are being controlled by this lad and as a mother of 2 girls this worries me. It is your hair and if you want a fringe you have the final say and if he doesn't like it, well tough!

He isn't controlling me, I just chose my words wrong >.< For a girl who gets high marks on her english papers, I can fail so bad! XD lol but it went more like "Hun, I'm going to cut my fringe now! :D" "D: nooo, dun do it, I like you as you are, please don't change!" than "I'm cutting my hair! :D" "Don't you dare cut it! >:( angreh face!"

So all this was really just a big misunderstanding :O sorry?

[sunshine-locks]

When I met my fiance, I had waist-length hair. A few months after that, my first full summer in Philadelphia, the heat was getting to me and I cut it short. While he was a little bummed about the idea of me cutting off my hair, as he enjoyed the way it looked and felt. However, he recognized that the most important thing to was my comfort and my liking the way it looked.

I can understand talking to your significant other about making changes in your hair, really. When I am thinking about making changes but am not certain, I talk to my fiance. But when I know what I want, for looks or comfort or just to have some change, I generally tell him I AM doing whatever, instead of asking if it's okay. If I know I want to make a change to my appearance, it's not his place to approve or disapprove. If I'm not certain or I'm thinking about something but not set on it, I'll ask his preference.

When you know what you want, don't be afraid to do it without asking permission. If it doesn't affect or harm anyone else, (and no, I don't think changing one's appearance affects or harms anyone else unless it threatens the financial stability of your family or something like that), we're adults which means we don't have to ask anyone's permission.

~Blaze

Edited to add: Whoops. OP is a teen. So theoretically, you might need to ask a parent's permission for some things, but if a parent doesn't forbid it, then I'd say you can operate under the same principles.

Haha no, I do what I want 24/7 in regards to my parents and the school :P I wear black Doc Martins to school, I've stretched my ear, pierced my labret, pierced my ear myself 3 times, and I've cut my hair atleast thrice without asking my parents :P They get used to it, they kinda have to XD

[swetiepeti]

Or he may have thought when you asked, that you were asking for his opinion and he simply gave it. He may have heard you talking about growing your hair out and may worry you'll have cutter's remorse. After all, you asked, he just did not volunteer his statement.

[MinderMutsig]

Haha...

Here's my experience: every guy I've ever been even remotely involved with has liked my hair how it is and balked at the idea of change. But once I changed it, they'd be like "oh, that was a good idea!" :lol: Maybe this is just the kind of guy I attract, but I just don't think they care that much. They tend to see it as me = good, so changing me = not so good. But it's not a huge deal.

If your boyfriend made a huge fuss over it, I might say something else, but it sounds like he has the you = good syndrome... and that's a good thing!
This. :D

Now get those scissors out and do something about those bangs that were annoying you. ;)

[Fairy tale]

I personally think it is good that you asked him. Though hair style is seemingly insignificant (sp??) it will build your trust with each other in bigger matters. My husband always gives me his honest opinon, but lets me make the decision. I appreciate always being able to know that he's telling me the truth.

[sunshine-locks]

Or he may have thought when you asked, that you were asking for his opinion and he simply gave it. He may have heard you talking about growing your hair out and may worry you'll have cutter's remorse. After all, you asked, he just did not volunteer his statement.
That's the idea, yes :) I have done a lot of things that I wish I didn't in regards to my appearance (like playing with my dad's shaver when I was 6... my eyebrow came back after 6 months, so all's well)
He says he doesn't really understand why I want to cut my fringe when I say I want my hair to grow long :o he can be so cute :D

[Alex Lou]

I know that with my hair, my husband fears change. When I say I'm gonna cut, it makes him really nervous. But afterwards he's fine. Change is scary.

Your boyfriend thinks you're beautiful, and he'll think you're beautiful whether or not you cut your fringe.

[jojo]

He isn't controlling me, I just chose my words wrong >.< For a girl who gets high marks on her english papers, I can fail so bad! XD lol but it went more like "Hun, I'm going to cut my fringe now! :D" "D: nooo, dun do it, I like you as you are, please don't change!" than "I'm cutting my hair! :D" "Don't you dare cut it! >:( angreh face!"

So all this was really just a big misunderstanding :O sorry?

thats a relief just be yourself honey and live your life for you x

[spidermom]

Some guys don't like the idea of change. I heard a discussion on talk radio months ago where guys were talking about - for example - how the blonde they were so attracted to now has red hair, and they don't find red hair attractive. Etc. However, chances are you'll change your bangs and he won't even notice.

Anyway; it's your hair; please yourself.

[sunshine-locks]

Hehe, I'm pretty sure he'll notice :D but in a good way. I cut my fringe just before and it DOES look really cute :D Can't wait to show him tonight when i go to his for dinner :)

[NotInPortland]

There's nothing wrong with asking his opinion but if it was me I'd ask his opinion and then do it anyway if it's what I wanted-it's my hair not his.

[sunshine-locks]

I did do it anyway XD glad I did, I love my new fringe :D

[NotInPortland]

I did do it anyway XD glad I did, I love my new fringe :D

Good for you I'm glad you decided to do what made you happy :)

[Mairéad]

I think boys aren't fond of change yet they don't really notice it at the same time. When I had long hair and talked of getting it cut my boyfriend was, "Oh, no! Don't do that. You're hair is so beautiful." Then, I get my hair cut really short. Now, I mention growing my hair out and he says, "But I love your short hair!"

Thing is, since hair growing occurs over such a long period of time, he's not even going to notice really. lol.

[JellyBene]

I used to have blonde hair, my boyfriend loved it, but I needed a change so I told him I wanted to dye it black (with henndigo) and he was NOT fond of the idea. He said he would "never like any color as much as the blonde" but I dyed it anyway and you know what? He loves it. Better than the blonde he says. My point is, boys don't know what they like when it comes to hair. Do what you want and he should be ok with whatever that is. It is your hair, not his.

[Demetrue]

I think trimming your fringe is really minor and I would have just done it and not really asked anybody else their opinion about it. If I brush my bangs to the sides, you can't eve tell I have them.

[Quixii]

It's just one of those things. Cut it if you want and he'll get used to it.

A couple months into DBF and I's relationship, his hair had grown out to the point where it was bothering him and he really wanted to cut it. I essentially told him he could cut it if he wanted, but I really didn't want him to because I wanted to see how his hair looked like grown out and I liked it at its current length. He tried to keep it to please me, but it was just driving him crazy getting in his face, so he cut it. And you know what? I liked it! Short hair does suit him better, and I feel silly for trying to get him to not cut it. :)

[Inkwell]

It's just a silly things boys do. My husband hates when I change anything about my hair.

You should base your hair around your significant other. You should have the hair that makes you feel good and sexy.

[longhairedlady]

Do what makes you feel happy and he can get used to it! I would just mention that it might be a good idea to cut a smalll amount first. I messed up and cut a very heavy layer of bangs and it was way too much! So start with a little and add more if you want to. :)

[Inkwell]

Do what makes you feel happy and he can get used to it! I would just mention that it might be a good idea to cut a smalll amount first. I messed up and cut a very heavy layer of bangs and it was way too much! So start with a little and add more if you want to. :)


This is good advice.

[Kathie]

I just want a change in appearance for myself :P
Then do it! As you've said you're hair has changed over the course of your relationship and it hasn't affected him. I just think he's a little worried- it’s flattering in a way. But, it’s your hair and you need to do what makes you happy or you might start resenting him. Anyways, big hair changes often grow on people after a while.

[AnqeIicDemise]

I only grew my hair out as a bet with DH. He didn't believe me that I had my hair long for years before I met him.

And now we both love the way I look with it... so much so that when I got frustrated at tendonitis pain and swore I was going to chop it all off, he pointed out that a) he'd be sad if I cut it and b) *I* would be pissed as all hell that I lost patience before I reached my goal.

As Huggybear put it, I appreciate his input. I put his feelings into consideration too but if push comes to shove I honestly wanted to do xyz, I'd do it anyway. He does what he wants with his hair too so, nyah.

[ladylovecraft]

I don't think it's necessarily bad that people in a relationship share their opinions with each other about these things. I tell my boyfriend that I'd love it if he grew his hair longer, but I'm not going to guilt trip him into it if he's not comfortable with it or doesn't want to do it. I'd also share my displeasure if he was going to hack it all off. But again, I'm not going to be mean or petty about it.. and the same goes for him.

Should I want to dye my hair, or decide to change something about it and discuss this with him (I usually tell a lot of people before I do something to my hair just because I like hearing other opinions), I'd have to be accepting that he might not like the idea and he can voice his opinion. I'd be uncomfortable in a relationship where a guy just always nodded yes in agreement to whatever I wanted to do or was always neutral... that's not normal to me, guarding your loved ones from your opinions like that. Do it gently and respectfully, but this is something I'd want shared. My hair is very important to me and I want to know what my loved ones think of it. I even 'test' my boyfriends by asking what they would think of me getting a pixie cut (not that that would ever happen), to see their reactions. Once I got a very interesting response of an ex really wanting me to do it... apparently he preferred short haired women. Strange. o.O Though saying that is okay, constantly pressuring me to cut my hair or constantly complimenting other short haired women in front of me, or dissing other long hairs is not--that's high school peer pressure and the type of thing that's taking 'sharing your opinion' too far.

Wow, that was a book, but I hope I conveyed my message appropriately.

[racrane]

My boyfriend tells me what he thinks is cute, but I do what I want anyway. I've found he often does have preferences, but he loves me no matter what.

He's kind of oblivious to change, though. He only recently looked at a picture of us from last January and said "Your hair is long now!". I felt like saying "...Where have you been all this time. You see me every week!"

Your hair is yours alone.

[Chetanlaiho]

My boyfriend doesn't agree with me wanting to dye it darker, or on how I want my fringe. It bothers me but I'm starting to figure out that if I want it than I will do it and he can find a way to deal with it ;)

[Chetanlaiho]

I would just mention that it might be a good idea to cut a smalll amount first. I messed up and cut a very heavy layer of bangs and it was way too much! So start with a little and add more if you want to. :)

This, so much! When I got my current bangs (and sidebangs) the hairdresser cut about all hair from the front till just behind my ears into them so my length is really quite thin, it looks terrible. I'm now in quite a few awkward growing out stages due to this, it was over 18 months ago xD

[Mesmerise]

Honestly, when I want to do something to my appearance (whether a hair change, or piercing/tattoo or whatever), I TELL my husband I want to do it. He can like it or not! It's MY hair and MY body, and heck, I'm a grownup and can do as I like.

He thinks I'm "not considering his feelings"...and I just say it goes two ways!

My sister took out most of her earrings when she was with her ex husband, as he said they looked "Westie" (in other words, lower class and tacky) and this is a guy with an eyebrow ring and nipple rings (not sure how he thought earrings were somehow worse or whatever than other bodily piercings...wth?). She actually took them out and didn't wear them for the duration of their relationship. I told her she was nuts as it was evidently HIS issue! Now, I don't think she'd do it for another guy, so it was a learning experience ;).

The point is...you want to cut your fringe. BIG DEAL! It's your hair, do it! You'll either like it or won't, but ultimately it's you who have to deal with it. If I was with a guy who dumped me for a bad haircut, it'd be "good riddance", because at least I'd know what a shallow person he was (not saying your bf would dump you for it though!).

I decided a long time ago that I wasn't ever going to try to fit someone else's idea of what I "should" look like. I dealt with that growing up as a kid, and once I became an adult, it became all up to me!

[VikingVampChick]

Love, it's your hair, not his. The only man who's permission you ever needed for anything is your father. My husband would like me to just leave my hair alone, but that's not going to happen. Love him, but he's not Dad.

Actually, as much as I loved my father (still do), when it came to my hair - that was me & Mom. Whatever I did/wanted to do - usually either her idea (and I agreed/didn't care) and she helped :)

[lizdini]

It's your hair. On your body. You don't need to ask him anything. It's nice to get his opinion, but you don't have to get his permission!

[zorinne]

boys don't know hair like we do. they should have nooo say in what you do to your hair. if it ends up looking bad then oh well, hair grows. he will get over it, if he actually gets mad it won't last long. thats how relationships are! lol you could always just do what he wants, too. I dont think it is bad to want to make your man happy. but essentially you need to do what you want to do or else it will be on your mind for a long time.

[RecklessCharlie]

Your hair= your decision.

[<3OnHerSleeve]

It's not a big change, and it's not one that will be semi-permanent. If you don't like it, you can grow it out in a few months so it's not really a big deal and it is your body and personal tastes that take priority here, even if you do wish he'd like it. In the end it is your hair and cutting it is not going to hurt anybody else or yourself so nobody really has the right to tell you an absolute 'no' to doing it or not. He doesn't sound like he's being unreasonable, but all the same he'll just have to be supportive.
At least he has an opinion about your hair, my ex couldn't really care less really.

[Raponsje]

After a one very bad haircut, where I came out with one inch bleached hair. My (now) DH told me he would chain me to the radiator if I would ever go back to that salon again. I went back and many colours and styles came to pass, yet I was never chained to anything. Sometimes his face would go sour for a few days, but I can live with that. So can you. You will disagree more often and over bigger things. See it as practice in standing your ground.