my hair and my mom makes me sad..

[Kayla Nyx]

I've been pretty sad for a while.. I love browsing through LHC and youtube and trying out all these updo's I find that I think are lovely! But.. whenever I ask my mom she says it looks like sh*t and that my hair looks better down :( All while my sister has her hair up every single day; and mom is always telling her how cute it looks. she says my face just isn't the right shape to have your hair up.

I cant even leave a few face framing pieces down.. it looks so stupid.

Just the other day I found something, somewhere.. on topknots. And I decided to try that for school :D I thought it looked very nice, though my mom took one look and didn't really talk to me until later that night.. when my hair was down.. :( I'm so sad...


https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-CU6idwHzE2w/TmriYrER1gI/AAAAAAAAABY/rX_98tWKAO8/s512/New%252520Folder%252520037.JPG

https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-EJ_Z7ATkBPI/TmuGj5HfbtI/AAAAAAAAACA/n9heSgws6-c/s512/New%252520Folder%252520036.JPG

[spidermom]

What a mean mom! I don't know what's wrong with people! Most of the time, even if I don't like something my daughter likes, I find something positive to say.

I'm sorry she hurts you. Remember - what she thinks is only one opinion. Don't ask what she thinks anymore. Ask us.

[Ithonna]

What a mean mom! I don't know what's wrong with people! Most of the time, even if I don't like something my daughter likes, I find something positive to say.

I'm sorry she hurts you. Remember - what she thinks is only one opinion. Don't ask what she thinks anymore. Ask us.

I second that!

I think your top knot was cute.

[julierockhead]

I think you look cute! What lovely eyes you have. And in the pic your color is the deep rich auburn I would KILL for.

Your mom needs to MHOB. I say that as a mom of a 12 year old, who is also experimenting with her own look and sense of style. If you like it, and it makes you feel good and pretty, she should be cheering you on. Sounds like she is way to invested in you looking how *she* wants you to look, and you're getting to old for that now. Show us the face framing locks too! And let us all enable you with the lure of hair toys...:D

[Kayla Nyx]

What a mean mom! I don't know what's wrong with people! Most of the time, even if I don't like something my daughter likes, I find something positive to say.

I'm sorry she hurts you. Remember - what she thinks is only one opinion. Don't ask what she thinks anymore. Ask us.


I second that!

I think your top knot was cute.


Thank you so much.. :) I'm glad to hear someone likes it.. I was almost starting to believe my mom and just stop trying to put my hair up :(

[chou]

I agree with the other posters--your mom is being a big jerk and you are gorgeous with your hair up. That said, your mom's issues probably go deeper than hair. I wish you the best of luck in working out your relationship with her so that it doesn't make you feel sad.

[silverjen]

I think your hair looks very nice up. You've got great bone structure. That's something that will last all your life. So sorry about your mom, but ignore what she says, and keep finding your own style.

[Kayla Nyx]

You're all so nice... :inlove: I will try and post more pictures later, im going out to eat with my aunt.. who loves my hair :D

[emelnd]

I love your updo, and your pretty eyes too!

[teal]

Another vote to ignore your mother's opinion of your hair! Rock it, baby! :D

[Juicematic]

I think your hair looks great up. I agree with the other posters, listen to us. :)

[sun-kissed]

Well first off, I'm sorry that you have to deal with a mother that calls her own daughter ugly. And then secondly, she's so wrong! You look awesome with your hair like that! :D

I also have a big boned structure to my face, and for the longest time only wore my hair down, because I kinda felt the same as your mom. But really? Why spend your life hiding behind your hair? We're both really pretty(if I do say so myself ;)) so why try to cover up who we are?

I say wear your hair in a way that makes you feel that you are beautiful. I think it looks great up like that, and I'm sure it looks just as pretty down. So have fun with it! And remember, when you are happy and beautiful on the inside, it brings out the beauty on the outside in a huge way.

[Tealpuffin]

Don't worry about it! i have a similar face shape to you and I ALWAYS wear my hair up in a top not or a pony tail (especially at school). you look pretty with your hair up or down so don't worry about what your mum say's :) x

[dRummie]

My mom is similar in some ways. She thinks she knows the universal standards of beauty, rather than her own opinion :) She only wants to help you learn these things, because she thinks you need to.. so try not to take it to heart.

What I do is just make it clear to my mom that I disagree with her, without getting angry or upset, and do my own thing. She probably still thinks I'm "wrong", but I think she's slowly realizing that it's not something for her to change. It's got to the point where I can ask for her opinion on my look, and she offers it in a much more constructive way, so I can actually take her advice when I need it.

Though of course it takes a long time to learn that your parents don't have the answers to everything, and to become confident in your own opinion. This is a normal learning process everyone has to go through :)

[kamikaze hair]

i second what others have said, you look really nice with your hair up, and i personally think that you have some very nice features that make you not only look very pretty, but also intriguing. Wearing your hair up only emphasises that more and puts all the focus on your very pretty eyes. Work it, wear your hair up more often! :D

[Hamh]

If I could hug you I would! This is an awful way to treat your own daughter, as someone else said your mum's problem goes beyond hair here but dig deep and don't let her problems/issues become yours. You say you enjoy the updos you create, good, keep doing them. At the end of the day the only real important opinion is yours and what you feel comfortable with in any aspect of life!

Unfortunately in this instance you have to learn to develop a thick skin where your mum is concerned to avoid getting hurt and becoming paranoid for no reason. Don't let anyone related or not make you feel your not good enough, this is usually their own insecurities talking.

If you ever want a second opinion, come here and ask people who appreciate hair and their owners for their own unique individuality.

[Kyla]

Your hair looks great up! Don't believe your mom, it looks perfectly nice. :)

[slo2gro]

OMG YIKES NICE MOM NOT YOU are gorgeous as you are. I have the same face structure as you and wear my hair up all the time. I see it this way you dont like it dont look and if ya have nothing good to say DONT say it at all MOTHER or not belive me I have lots of experience with this. My own mother has said lots of un nice things to me. I am a mother and would never say such things to my child. You and your hair look great. Nevermind any of that crap girl. Carry on sometimes I believe people just want to bring us down and sadly even our family. You and your hair are awesome, we are here for ya. :)

[irishlady]

Wow that's not nice at all :(
I agree with Spidermom though, her opinion is only ONE opinion, not that of everyone else.

Personally I think you look lovely with your hair up, and if you yourself think it looks good, that is what matters.

I'm sorry about your mom though ((hug))

[Chromis]

It will likely help to not actually *ask* her. She will give you plenty of opinions unsolicited I am sure :lol:

It seems odd that she would stop talking to you for a day just because your hair was up. Perhaps she was just having an off day in general?

Unless she forbids you from doing so, I would just keep wearing it up. She will likely just get used to it. On the bright side, even if she doesn't, it is distracting her from something to nag you about! A benign form of "picking your battles" if you will.

[danacc]

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this behavior from your mother. (hugs)

Add me to the list of those who think you look great with your hair up! I took the liberty of browsing your album, and I love your curls when it is down, too. I find both looks (up or down) quite lovely on you.

[Theobroma]

What in the world? You have a beautiful face shape, great bones, and a lovely hairline. I can't for the life of me imagine why you shouldn't wear it up!

Just persevere. Chances are she'll get used to it and stop bugging you about it -- and who knows, she might even start liking it!

(A year and a half ago, when I started wearing mine up all the time, my mother often said it was a pity that she didn't get to see it down any more. It took a little while (and she was never disparaging about it, BTW, but now she's complimenting me for my updos!)

[emelnd]

My mother used to keep nagging me to put my hair up. She was complaining she couldn't see my face with my hair down... It's the exact opposite! I didn't have nice hair toys so I was getting a headache from wearing my hair up, so I ignored her. :)

[pixiedust]

What a mean mom! I don't know what's wrong with people! Most of the time, even if I don't like something my daughter likes, I find something positive to say.

I'm sorry she hurts you. Remember - what she thinks is only one opinion. Don't ask what she thinks anymore. Ask us.

wise words :)

Keep in mind, also, that a lot of people just don't understand long hair (I know that I certainly don't - not well enough from personal experience at least) why it's to be worn the way it is in order to prevent breakage, etc.

I used to always wear my hair in a ponytail, but I'd leave the entire front of my hair down and basically all over my face because I hated my forehead, my eyebrows I had bad skin, the way I knew how to do my makeup was far better suited to hair in my face (this really does make a huge difference!) and I just wasn't used to it in general. Now that I'm trying to be more careful and I'm putting ALL my hair up, people have gotten used to it. There were comments at first, ("but you look soo much better with bangs!" "wow, your forehead is... wider than I thought") but the comments stopped as I got used to it, played with my makeup and felt more confident. I'm sure with time your mom will get used to your hair, too (:

ps, you have such pretty eyes! :D

[Shelly]

I agree with the others. Don't worry about what your mom thinks. She's not supportive of you and your efforts at all. I've got 4 daughters (19 yo, 18 yo, 11 yo, and 11 month old) and I would never be like that to any of them. The older 2 have done some things with their hair that I didn't like. I told them that I didn't like it but if they did that's all that matters. The older 3 know how I am about my hair and they know that I accept them for who they are. My 11 yo comes to me when she tries something with her hair and doesn't think it looks good. I tell her it looks good and make suggestions. I ask her what she doesn't like about it and make suggestions from there. If you like your hair the way you style it, that's all that matters. Everyone is their own person, what others think doesn't matter as long as that person likes it.

[woolyleprechaun]

It doesnt sound like shes doing much for your self-esteem chick...

[pepperminttea]

Personally I think you look lovely with your hair up; wish I had your bone structure! If she can't see that, it's her loss. :grouphug:

[julierockhead]

Wow.
Wish I had had this place when I was 15 LOL! You are all so wonderful at building each other up.
:bounce:

[Shelly]

Wow.
Wish I had had this place when I was 15 LOL! You are all so wonderful at building each other up.
:bounce:

It's not about building each other up. It's all about being supportive. We all have goals and the rest are here to help and to be supportive of our long hair friends reaching their goals.

[Lucky]

+1 on what Spidermom said!

You look lovely with your hair up - it's your hair, have fun and experiment with the styles and up-dos that YOU like!

[purple dust]

Hey! I don't know if your mom intended to be mean, but I can tell you that I have dealt with my parents' childish behavior at one point or another... and yeah, you just stop caring about it. You learn to take the best out of both, for sure.

I have to tell you, I actually like your hair down, you have a round face and having your hair down (or in a ponytail or in a braid) makes it look more oval. Besides, it's so thick and has a beautiful color!! I'm sure you can appreciate that better if it's down.

It's just an opinion, and you don't have to please me (or anyone). Regardless of anything, just please yourself.

[wooliswonderful]

I'm sorry you're being put down and not encouraged in your efforts. You have a lovely face and your hair looks wonderful up!
Regardless of what your mom thinks of the hairstyles, even if for some bizarre reason she finds them unbecoming, she should not speak to you in such a manner or ignore you. You are her daughter, a precious gift.

[Celtic Morla]

Your mom is just being nasty! Why is it OK to favour one child over the other?!?!!?!? grrrr

[mallorykay13]

Your hair is cute and she has no right to say what you look good in. Just rock it girl. You have the face for it no matter what she says.

[newbeginning]

How could someone be so mean? It's your hair you can do what you want to it. I think the updo looks cute too. You have a cute face and the hair swept up shows it off.

[DavidN]

I am so sorry that your mom said mean things to you, Kayla Nyx, and I will offer a hug.:grouphug: Your undo looks very nice, well done!

[Carolyn]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. If you were my daughter I would be telling you how adorable you look with your hair up. I would suggest not talking to her about how your hair looks. Just do what you want with it and don't bring up the subject. If she says something, then just briefly say "I like it". The only time I think you need to listen to your mom's wishes would be for something like family picture time or big family events like weddings. Then it's often wise to make mom happy. For school and hanging out with your friends do what you want. I used to go to school looking one way and would emerge from the girl's bathroom with a totally different look, KWIM? I wish I could clue your mom in on what she is doing to you.

[PixxieStix]

Have you tried talking to her about how those types of comments make you feel?

My mother and I had many struggles with my hair growing up, especially when she found out I had trichotillomania, and some of the things she said to me nearly ten years ago sting to this day when I think about them, but as I got older I realized that she was just reacting to it in the only way she knew how. Now, my mom loves my hair, and loved playing with it and putting it in updos, but yeah, she could say things without realizing it that could REALLY hurt, especially over time.

We didn't ever talk about any of these issues (hair and a whole bunch of other stuff!) until about two years ago, and come to find out, she had no idea that a particular combination of words chosen at a moment in time had such a profoundly negative effect on me, and as we've both gotten older, our relationship has grown. She doesn't speak to me the way she did when I was younger. Really, she was a great mom who made mistakes. We all do, but when you are young it is so hard to see you mom as a person with faults of their own rather than just a loving caregiver.

Along the journey, I discovered some very important things:
- I do not need my mother's approval , but it is appreciated when it is given.
- We are two different people with different tastes and ideas, and that is alright.
- First and foremost, life is about me being happy, which is a choice you make every day whether or not you want to be, be it with yourself, the world, your life, etc. If something bothers you enough, change it.
- You are most beautiful when you FEEL beautiful, and for you, if that means putting up your hair in gorgeous updos, go for it!

I agree with many others, you pull off both looks equally well. Care for you hair, nurture it as much as you do yourself, and for your mom, TALK TO HER! She won't know that what she says is upsetting you unless you tell her. And do mention you notice her compliments to your sister's hair when up, but not yours.

If she is anything other than slightly shocked about realizing that she has ( I believe) unintentionally been damaging your self esteem, (ex: defensive over her opinions, says that she's just trying to look out for you, etc.), then drop it and accept you can't please her, and instead share with us, your "mane family", your joys and woes when it comes to your hair.

I hope she comes around, but even if she doesn't, that is not your fault. Keep on the growing! :D

[BlazingHeart]

You've got strong facial bones, and the thing about having strong bones is this: it supports a huge variety of looks. Wearing your hair up, down, sideways...whatever...you have the strength of features to get away with it.

I do like that knot you had in; it's pretty.

~Blaze

[Regan]

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind".
-Dr. Seuss


I think that is relevant :)

[NotInPortland]

I'm sorry your mam is giving you mean comments about your hair, I understand how you feel because my mother also occasionally makes the comment that I look much better with my hair down and it really annoys me.

[ladonna]

OMG I can't believe a mother could treat her child this way! You're beautiful! I love your face and your hair up.
Just don't ask her opinion anymore. You could always post pics here on LHC and get advice.

[Atira]

What a weird thing to say! There are some people that I think look way better with hair down, but you HONESTLY look great with it pulled back.

[Kayla Nyx]

Thank you all for such kind comments!! Yes- I have tried telling her that those comments hurt my feeling, though she says it's because of my bone structure that I should wear my hair down. to soften it up :(

[Fairlight63]

I think that you look beautiful with your hair up. Wear your hair up if you want to & don't ask your mothers opinion of how it looks. If she says anything just smile & don't say anything back or at the most OK or something, then do what you please.

[GRU]

Lemme guess... she and your sister have straight hair?

I grew up with a mom hating me and my curls -- don't let her get to you.

[celebriangel]

Thank you all for such kind comments!! Yes- I have tried telling her that those comments hurt my feeling, though she says it's because of my bone structure that I should wear my hair down. to soften it up :(

I agree with the other posters.

However, why "should" you wear your hair down? Even supposing that she is objectively right, and you do look much better with your hair down*, it does not follow that you therefore "should" wear your hair down. You have no obligation whatsoever to look a certain way just because someone - even your mum - wants you to. Say it with me, LHC: I AM NOT HERE TO DECORATE YOUR WORLD! And you aren't.

Additionally, I do not think the best way of dealing with your (quite lovely, and similar to my own!) bone structure is to cover it up with hair - which is essentially what your mum is suggesting. Instead, you can learn to embrace your facial features, and wear makeup/clothes/accessories which enhance your face (example: I have heavy, heavy eyebrows, and I find that plucking them in a very specific way (making the arch nice and high, and shortening them so they don't "droop") opens up my face. You get the idea)

Again, only if you want to, and if you feel your face needs "softening". Objectively speaking, your face and hair are just fine and dandy the way they are in the picture. Everything else is a matter of opinion, and given that it's *your* face and *your* hair, your opinion is the one that matters most :)


*Obviously, we here at LHC disagree with this, and think you look just great with your hair up! If *you* feel you don't like the look of hair up, you could indeed get some long bangs to frame your face, but only if you would prefer them.

[KwaveT]

I can to emphasize with the receiving of this kind of behavior from your parents. Mine belittle my choices too. I don't even ask mine and they give their negative opinions. My dad has been doing it for so long now that my mother is doing it too. I do a bunch of things that soften my appearance. I get negative feedback all the time from my dad especially. My dad calls me a sissy again tonight after I told him my entire bathroom routine when I shower and do my hair (which takes about and hour and half to two hours). I think you look great with your hair up. You need to do what makes you feel better about yourself. If they don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. My parents need to hear them words too. It is hard to not let it bother when you so want to hear and feel approval from your parents. You are at such a vulnerable age to be hearing this sort of feedback. I agree with other poster that mentioned you need to explain to your mother how it makes you feel. When I try that with my dad, it is like I am speaking a foreign language. He just looks at me blankly.

[Demetrue]

Kayla - you look perfectly fine with your hair up. All I can think of is that it makes you look older, and your mom doesn't want you to look like a young lady instead of a little girl, because then it makes HER feel older. A lot of moms never developed boundaries between themselves and their daughters, and they don't seem to see you as a separate individual with your own life and your own dreams and plans. They truly can't fathom that you are not simply an extension and reflection of themselves, so they think they can say whatever pops into their heads, with no filter, or that they can mold you and form you into their own image. I know some moms that get upset when their daughters think different thoughts or like different things or do anything to show that they are separate, individual human beings from their moms.
I'm sorry that your mom seems to be struggling with being able to celebrate the person you are becoming, but instead seems threatened. I know it is very hard, but you can not take her comments personally - they are a reflection of something going in in her and not a true indication of what you and your hair look like. Your hair looks beautiful, your bone structure looks great, and you have gorgeous eyes. One thing I might do to soften an updo is: do one swipe of a natural mascara on your upper lashes, like Almay natural lash, put on a swipe of soft pink lip gloss, wear some longer earrings, like small hoops or dangles, and you can let some soft tendrils of hair out in front. (you can even put them in pin curls at night so they curl around your face the next day)

[free_hug]

Not talking to you because of your hair is really cruel. This makes me think "what´s wrong with people??" too. This really is sad - I am so sorry for you :-( You should hold on to however you like you hair (and whatever else...) - I guess she´ll get used to it at some point... You do understand that this is not your fault, right?

[WinterButterfly]

Um.. I like your facial structure. You can pull off looks that I can't. And if you don't want to hide behind your hair, then don't. I especially like the shape of your nose. It is well shaped and well placed. All people are different. Your face is beautiful. Your bone structure is nice and bold. You look like a strong young lady with your hair pulled back. Never be ashaimed of your face. You don't have to have a super petite face to be beautiful. Many models have quite strong facial features. It is unique. It is special. Beauty comes in so many ways. Yours is a different form than your mothers ideal. That doesn't invalidate its beauty.

I had a mother who liked to compete with me. If I was a size 8 she would have to get down to a size 6. If I did my hair nice, she would try to outdo me. I believe that when I got to my mid teens, she started to feel threatened by me. A lot of mothers get this way. My friends mom would try to get my friend to gain weight in subtle ways if she was skinnier than her mother. This was most of the time. Don't buy into manipulation if it is there. Be the young lady that you are.

[julierockhead]

Lemme guess... she and your sister have straight hair?

I grew up with a mom hating me and my curls -- don't let her get to you.

You know, I was thinking that very thing. It's funny, my curly mom had NO idea how to approach my hair 1a/1b hair. I remember her combing me with a pic lol! I never had braids or ponys or pigtails, she'd just take me in to get it hacked off short when it eventually matted at my nape. *Sigh* can we ever make our moms happy?

[Juneii]

What is wrong with your mother? You look pretty with your hair back in a knot. I have to second what WinterButterfly said, I don't understand why but mothers sometimes feel threatened by their daughters and say/do some pretty stupid things to make themselves feel better. My mom does this from time to time to me as well. Tells me I smell terrible when I don't (I asked others to tell me honestly and they told me I didn't), boasts about how incredibly talented she is at whatever and how I am not, and goes on and on about how if she had a son he would be so much better than I am (she has the belief that sons take after their mothers and daughters to fathers).
It hurts sometimes but most of the time it's just annoying because I know it's not true and her petty attempts to bring me down only makes her look worse. Just ignore your mother Kayla, it's your body and your preference. Even if it looks terrible on you it's none of your mother's business or say in how you do your hair. Feel better :)

[keepmyhair]

Your top knot looks really nice... I can feel your pain. I get enough grief from people for being a long haired guy. But I just ignore all of them with a smile.

If you like it then don't worry about what anyone else says. A friend told me this sometime back "put a shield around you, and do not let any negative vibes cross the shield". Sharing this because I found it to be very useful advise.

And the top knot honestly looks very nice on you :)

[ktani]

I think you look lovely with your hair up! Great job on the topnot too. Enjoy your hair whatever way you wear it and ignore the negative comments.

I do not understand why your mom would be so negative about it and that has obviously hurt you.

See if you can discuss it with her. If not ignore it if she continues in spite of your telling her how such comments affect you. She may just say it is her opinion. That would be correct. It is just her opinion.

I agree with the others here. You can wear your hair up and look wonderful.

[Lostsoule77]

I haven't read the whole thread, but I have to say that the top knot looks nice. You are pretty and your eyes are stunning. Having your hair up shows that off.

I don't know what posesses some people to put others down all the time. Whatever your mother's bad reasons are, just stop asking her. Look at yourself and see how pretty it is and judge by that. Ask your sister, if she's not mean, or ask us. Hopefully if you stop asking her and just do what you want with this she'll stop commenting on it.

[racrane]

I, too, have my mom and grandma tell me I look ugly with my hair up (their words, not mine) when I was in high school. I wore it down all the time and only until I came to this site did I start wearing it up. My boyfriend likes my hair up because he thinks I have a pretty neck. So, everyone has their opinions. You don't have to listen to them, though.

[AcornMystic]

Your mom doesn't know what sh*t looks like. I'm being a little self deprecating here, but she would change her opinion about you if she saw me with my hair up. I have an under-developed maxilla and over-developed mandible and protruding chin (caused from my lips pressing on my lower teeth inward pushing the chin out trying to close the gap of my two jaws teeth for chewing) which is basically an under-bite with a pointy chin. I also have high but not very prominant cheek bones as far as my profile is concerned so I have a very dish/tear drop shaped skull. As bad as that all sounds, I've embraced it; no longer trying to hide behind my hair. I mean I'm going to have to get orthognathic surgery in the future because my maxilla is caving from the pressure of my cheek muscles because of where it is positioned, so that's medical, but that's beside the point. I have friends who couldn't care less, because they're not my friends for my looks and a husband who loves my appearance because it is ME.

Regardless of your features you need to embrace who you are because you are healthy and beautiful. your large bone structure makes you look strong and capable. If you like your hair up, you should totally work it. Your confidence will get you there, not the "right face".

[The_Redhead]

One word...Therapy. Not for you. Her. She needs to get over what ever her issue is. What's she's doing is emotional abuse. :twocents:

You are lovely with your hair up or down. It's your hair, do what you want with it. If you don't want to have the fights around her, then put it up after you leave in the morning and take it back down before you get home. Don't ask her opinion and don't engage if she tries to pick a fight. Be happy.

Hugs,

Shannon

[Venefica]

I've been pretty sad for a while.. I love browsing through LHC and youtube and trying out all these updo's I find that I think are lovely! But.. whenever I ask my mom she says it looks like sh*t and that my hair looks better down All while my sister has her hair up every single day; and mom is always telling her how cute it looks. she says my face just isn't the right shape to have your hair up.

I cant even leave a few face framing pieces down.. it looks so stupid.

Just the other day I found something, somewhere.. on topknots. And I decided to try that for school I thought it looked very nice, though my mom took one look and didn't really talk to me until later that night.. when my hair was down.. I'm so sad...

First of all you look good with your hair up, but you do not look cute. Not all of us are born to look cute, if I where to describe your appearance it would be as pretty, distinguished or even beautiful, but not cute. Wearing your hair up adds to the distinguished look, and I think that if your mother is going for cute then that might bother her, however you are an adult, why should it be needed that you look cute? I think wearing your hair up suits you.

That being said, your mother not speaking to you until you change your hairstyle to fit her preferences that is going to far, that is not being mean or having strong opinions and expressing them in an unfortunate way, that is being to controlling. I think this is something you should discuss with her, telling her that your appearance really is none of her buisniss and that such methods to try to manipulate you will not be tolerated, ignore your mother on this, your hair look beautiful.

[MetsaNeiu]

Oh! It's sad to hear that your mom says the things she does! :( I think parents should encourage their daughters and sons to have a good self-esteem and a good spirit, rather than make them feel sad about the way they look like (they should also try to remember that looks aren't the only thing in a person and to be grateful if they can be proud of their kids in the other ways!). Though I know it isn't easy to rationalize things in life, but I wish they'd try to... I know that the words from a parent can stay easily in their kid's mind too.

But I hope you can "ignore" what she says about your hairdo/looks, and create yourself a good self-esteem, also in the area of looks (because You look great!). :) Just like others here say (and other people in your personal life too, I'm sure), I think you look very cute, and your hair up looks just Great! Just try to ignore the saddening words (as hard as it is), and if/when you hear those, only try to remember the good things people have said about you! :blossom: :thumbsup:
All the best to You girl, and wear your hair with proud! ;) I hope you can have a better relationship with your mother at least in the future, and that this sad thing won't ruin it. Hugs!!


(My first message, so I want to say Hello to you all at the same time, and greetings with hugs from the Baltic Sea area, Finland+Estonia. :love: )

[Navydoc_76]

It makes me sad to hear how your mom treats you-its demeaning and cruel. i think she has targeted you to mistreat-maybe you remind her of herself? i had the same issues with my mother and now im old enough to know that its her problem.

you have a very pretty face, and beautiful eyes-i think your hair looks good up. keep your chin up and try to not let the crap she says bother you, but realize that she is unhappy with herself and has reflected that onto you. just the psych nurse in me talking...

[lizdini]

I think it looks lovely. I know exactly how you feel, my mom always has something negative to say about my hair. Either that an updo doesn't look good or that it looks messy down. It's not messy, it's curly! erg! Remember just because she's your mom doesn't mean she's always right! Do what makes you happy!

[Mesmerise]

You look just fine with your hair up! I really don't know what is the problem with some mothers... honestly! I am sure as my daughter grows up she'll do stuff with her hair that I don't like, but I'm not going to comment on it!! Too many parents damage their kids' self esteem by not thinking before they speak :rolleyes:.

[LaurelSpring]

I went through this phase for awhile when I started growing my hair and experimenting with updos. I got comments about it being scraggly when down or frumpy when up. Whatever!! Now I have been doing it so long that no one comments anymore. It has just become a part of who they recognize me to be now. My hair has just sort of melded into my identity. Just do what you like and in time no one will even notice anymore. My hair is my thing for me.

[Macaroni]

Pretty updo and pretty face.

[supbanana]

You have beautiful hair, and wearing it up means you get to show off your beautiful bone structure!

Maybe your mom's problem is that she's not used to seeing your hair up, and she's not fond of change? No matter what, it's her problem, not yours. :D Rock it!

[Eternal.Fiend]

Wow, that's a poor show of character on your mum's part, in my opinion. My mum generally doesn't like my hair because I wear it up, she thinks it looks so much prettier down and long then up, but will say that whatever updo I have in my hair that day does look nice. And she likes me to do updos I've learnt on her too, so it's not bad. But that's what your mum should be like, she should be honest that she personally prefers you with your hair down, but not care if you feel better with your hair up. Or at least, that's what I think.

And the solution do the problem? Ignore her and do what makes YOU feel beautiful. I think you look stunning with your hair up, you are beautiful. So, if you want to wear your hair up, then wear your hair up. Want to rock a top knot to school? Go for it if you feel comfortable.

However, if you think that you need to soften up your bone structure, then I do have some tips that I use (my face doesn't suit updos :P) A pouf on top can look really flattering, just take the front section of you hair, pull it back, twist it then push it forward then secure it. It can stop a updo looking too slicked back. A fringe could work, or my personal favourite, having some shorter pieces around your hair line out, even a few wispy pieces can really soften up a look.

Hope things work out better for you soon :)

P.S How did you do that top knot?

[mrs_coffee]

That top knot is adorable! IMO you have the perfect face for updos. Nice high cheekbones and pretty eyes.

[Cassie 123]

A lot of moms never developed boundaries between themselves and their daughters, and they don't seem to see you as a separate individual with your own life and your own dreams and plans. They truly can't fathom that you are not simply an extension and reflection of themselves, so they think they can say whatever pops into their heads, with no filter, or that they can mold you and form you into their own image.

I think it's just this. Chances are, your mother loves you dearly and really does find you beautiful. Fifteen is still so young in many ways; it's just going to take her a while to realize that it's not her job to make you look "cute" anymore. To everybody not burdened by that expectation, you look like a strong, beautiful woman.

[Kayla Nyx]

hey you guys... what do you think of this..??? I made a low, loose pony.. Wiggled my fingers up through between my head and the pony, twisted the hair up and grabbed it, then pulled it down through the little hole.. and clipped my new flower on top :D

(mom, of course, didnt really like it. and told me to let my hair back down :) )


http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/picture.php?albumid=8314&pictureid=114920

[Kayla Nyx]

Hope things work out better for you soon :)

P.S How did you do that top knot?

hehehehe..!! I dont really know how I did it. I just pulled it into a high pony and started stabbing it with pins, hoping it would turn out okay :p

[PixxieStix]

I think it looks super adorable! But hey, that's just me. :D

[emelnd]

Cool! I saw a hair toy that lets you make this kind of loose pony, but apparently you don't need the toy to do it. I will try this too. Also, pretty flower.

[Demetrue]

It looks great! I love how the blue pops against your hair color :>)

[KattSmith]

I say to ignore what your mom is saying about your hair too. It's your hair and if you want it up then put it up! My mom is the same way. She loves it when my hair is down, so I try a bit of compromise, I do my hair how I feel about 98% of the year and for a few hours on her birthday and Mother's day I leave it down.

[Kayla Nyx]

I think it looks super adorable! But hey, that's just me. :D

thank you! :D

[jacqueline101]

It seems mean for a parent to say that. I agree ask us,

[Sarahlabyrinth]

I can't see your photos but do agree that you should have your hair the way YOU want it. :)

[heidi w.]

Just ignore her BS and keep rockin' the hair.
heidi w.

[Trinka]

We meet hundreds of people every week, and a great many of them will have opinions about what we should do, what we should wear, who we should be. If we try to please them all (or even most of them), we will go stark-raving mad.

Fortunately most of those people don't feel the need to push their opinions on us, so we only have to ignore a few of them. I'm sorry that your mother is one of the few you have to ignore - at least on this subject.

If you're not hurting anyone, breaking a law, or violating a moral conviction -- do what you like. It's a very liberating way to live.

Trinka