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View Full Version : "Uhhh your hair looks weird"......"oh uh thanks honey"



MermaidOH
August 22nd, 2011, 10:27 AM
Yes that is what my husband said to me the other night. My response was to say "oh uh thanks Honey..." What do you say to that? Then he proceeded to explain that since my hair wasn't "really long" (it is just shy of APL) and not "long long" my hair looked weird and was in that "weird length stage". Oh yes my self confidence soars! (not). I know my hair looks yucky, I bleached it for 2 years because "SOMEONE" (husband) "likes me with blonde hair" (admittedly I did too). And now that I have decided to take care of my hair (colored it dark red), no cones, CWC or CO wash, oilings he tells me it looks weird. Again I KNOW I have almost APL lengths and 5" lengths due to breakage, my ends are velcro-ie but I just got cut in April and don't want to loose any more length. He actually said if you had shaved your head liked I suggested 3 years ago it would all be healthy (He was only partly joking).:mad:. YES I KNOW MY HAIR LOOKS LIKE POO...but I really don't need you to point that out SWEETIE! Sorry needed to vent and not many others would understand...:(

irishlady
August 22nd, 2011, 10:33 AM
Men :rolleyes:
He probably didn't mean it in a mean way, if I go by the things my fiance sometimes says...but still...they seem more prone to blurting things out than women do...in general.

I'm sure your hair looks nice though, and he'll get used to it in time :)

ericthegreat
August 22nd, 2011, 10:48 AM
I would have slapped him across the face. I'm serious I would have. I'm sure your husband loves you dearly, but still, what an idiotic thing to say!!!

bunzfan
August 22nd, 2011, 10:50 AM
I would have slapped him across the face. I'm serious I would have. I'm sure your husband loves you dearly, but still, what an idiotic thing to say!!!

I totally agree not very sensitive of him, does he not realize hair is important to how women feel:eyebrows:

Eire
August 22nd, 2011, 11:02 AM
I am about to enter that stage.... it is a little awkward to me, but maybe that's because I am used to seeing it so long? Still, I kind of hoped I was the only one who found it weird... it's not comforting to know that other people think so as well! haha

spidermom
August 22nd, 2011, 11:22 AM
There are things on a man that look pretty weird; you might want to point that out.

irishlady
August 22nd, 2011, 11:26 AM
I would have slapped him across the face. I'm serious I would have. I'm sure your husband loves you dearly, but still, what an idiotic thing to say!!!

lol I love this. I usually feel strongly this way, but I tend to just restrain myself and fume inside...wonder if there's steam coming out my ears then :hmm:

Yame
August 22nd, 2011, 11:32 AM
What an *******. If my husband said something like that, my response would NOT be pretty.

HairFaerie
August 22nd, 2011, 11:46 AM
My fiance said my hair is starting to look like a "hair helmet" like Gene Simmons. :(
Mine is in an awkward stage right now, above shoulder. Too long to be a pixie, definitely not long enough for most styles. It's at a dreaded in-between.

Men say stupid stuff sometimes. I just laugh and say "Well, it's growing, it won't look like this forever" then he will say "Oh, I know, I was just teasing you". Gee....thanks! :)

Don't worry, it will grow and be gorgeous and you will both laugh at this later. Chances are, he probably won't even remember he said it!

Alaia
August 22nd, 2011, 12:05 PM
There are things on a man that look pretty weird; you might want to point that out.

Awesome. I second this.

ladonna
August 22nd, 2011, 12:29 PM
Geeze, men say the darndest thing's...

MermaidOH
August 22nd, 2011, 12:48 PM
I know he didn't mean it maliciously at all, but I sat there thinking REALLY REALLY.....so I guess I should mention to you that yours is looking a little thin on top...(both his brothers are balding)....

May
August 22nd, 2011, 01:23 PM
I can't even *imagine* my BF saying anything negative about me or my hair! I'm all for honesty but that's not even constructive criticism or helpful in any way...

Celtic Morla
August 22nd, 2011, 01:24 PM
Just start murmuring about the funny looking "magic Mushroom " he has..my DH knows better than to say silly things because I can totally bring him down to my level by talking baout the Magic Mushroom

Scarlet_Heart
August 22nd, 2011, 01:31 PM
When my husband says things like that I try to top him and say something more absurd, yet in a funny way. Just to show him what an a$$ he's being.

Him: Your hair looks weird.
Me: Your FACE looks weird!! :rollin:

Then we both laugh it off.

redwoman
August 22nd, 2011, 01:36 PM
In my experience men are just big oafs. They say whatever comes to mind without considering how the recipient will feel. Laugh it off. He probably wasn't being mean on purpose. I'm sure your hair looks just fine.

Turtle
August 22nd, 2011, 01:42 PM
"Over the mysteries of female life, there is drawn a veil: best left undisturbed."

see_turtle
August 22nd, 2011, 02:29 PM
Sounds like something my fiancee would say, haha. Once after I'd spent an hour upside down attempting a crown braid and came out with a fairly decent result for a beginner he said it looked "lumpy" and that I should take it out. I ignored him.

Seishin
August 22nd, 2011, 02:38 PM
Magic Mushroom....still chuckling. And Spidermom you always say it as it is :)

ravenreed
August 22nd, 2011, 02:53 PM
Eh, I think APL is one of the more flattering lengths.

Lianna
August 22nd, 2011, 03:06 PM
I'm almost APL, so far I've always had to shape my hair wearing a bun (lightly oiled) for a while to get rid of frizz. I think I'll have to do this all my life though, if I want something "damage-free" (which I actually don't require but that's another story). Maybe you could try this. I'm sorry about your husband's comment.

Bohemian Haze
August 22nd, 2011, 03:11 PM
Aw, just sounds like one of those things that men just say without really thinking...
I was brushing away one day (a few years ago) and remarked that there were loads of hairs coming out - my DBF casually said, "Hmm, maybe you can buy something that would thicken it up?" Oh dear. This was followed by half an hour of me telling him how bad he'd made me feel, that I was paranoid enough that my hair was thin etc etc...he said, "Oh, well, I didn't really look at your hair, just heard you say that it was all coming out. Thought I was being helpful."
I don't think he had ANY idea that he'd said something wrong.
So, yeah. I think the comment about 'weird' hair is just a man - getting it wrong LOL!

HereIGrowAgain
August 22nd, 2011, 03:17 PM
One of the best and worst things about being pregnant? I can cry on command. Or not on command. Or at sad commercials. Or pretty flowers. Or using the word "or" too much. ;)

I would have cried. :D

Calaelen
August 22nd, 2011, 03:39 PM
You should just tell him how it made you feel. Guys think in a totally different way than we do, and they have no idea how some of their honesty, or bluntness might come off to us, especially when it is something like our looks they're commenting on.

I certainly would have been thinking something nasty to comment on about him at the time, but when it comes right down to it, learning how to communicate in a relationship is truly important in making it last.

I'd have bit my tongue as it happened, obsessed about it a bit, been all sad, then gone and told him how what he said had made me feel. I'd have let him know that I know he didn't mean to hurt me, and that I realize my hair isn't in its best shape, and is at an awkward growth stage, but that it is a sensitive subject for me, in which I need support at this time.

Also, it sounds like you're making some great changes to make your hair healthy and it will grow out. Just amplify what you have now in however you can, and look forward to the future of your hair :)

Susana
August 22nd, 2011, 03:41 PM
I am probably not going to be loved for this comment but, you may be overreacting *don't hate me please, hear me out*. He is probably being honest (as you stated yourself) and you can't blame him for that. My husband and I were watching a show the other day and there was a a sex scene and a chick undressed and my husband commented that I used to have the same body as her (I gave birth 5 months ago :) ). Normally, this is the kind of comment that, if repeated to a female friend, would get a stereotypical "how dare he?!?!" response. But, in all honesty, he was not telling a lie. I could feel hurt because I obviously do not look like that right now, but I do not feel hurt. He loves me and I know he said it to encourage me to eat healthy and work out so that I will feel great about myself and remember that the flabby spots are not necessarily permanent.

So, back to you, why did your husband say that to you? Honestly, he probably said it because he doesn't think that you are looking as great as you usually do (and that's not grave, we all go through stages in our lives where we do not look as great as usual- be it a few extra pounds or a bad hair phase). You mentioned yourself that your ends are not in great shape. I know it may suck but it may be best if you cut off the velcro-i ends and keep the healthy looking hair. It may look more beautiful on you to loose a few inches than to keep them but have your hair look damaged.

It is in your husbands best interest that you look and feel your best, so if he is a loving husband, he is not saying it to be hurtful or unsupportive. Also, don't let your confidence be shaken by the fact that your hair is not looking great right now, it is temporary and it it in your best interest to have a less rocky self confidence. You are working on improving what you believe needs improvement (your hair) through education and hard work, that is something to be proud of, regardless of how your hair is looking right now.

Best of luck in your hair journey :)

Lianna
August 22nd, 2011, 03:47 PM
Don't hate me either, Susana, but I think your husband is just as rude. Like it's not okay not to have that kind of body (the chick undressed body).

teal
August 22nd, 2011, 04:11 PM
There are things on a man that look pretty weird; you might want to point that out.

This! LOL!

What an insensitive cad. Next time he comes up with something "bi-winning" like that, hand him a Hush Puppy to chew on.

October
August 22nd, 2011, 04:12 PM
Sounds like something my husband would say. I usually just ignore it or say something smart mouthy back. I have my opinion and he has his. Oh well.

Susana
August 22nd, 2011, 04:14 PM
I don't hate you Lianna:p!! :) In fact, I think it may be a bit of a cultural difference! :grouphug::grouphug:Where I come from, people don't tip toe around words like "fat". The general attitude is that if it's true then friends and family will openly say it, if it bothers the individual they can change it or accept it :flower::flower:

My husband didn't say that he no longer loved me nor did he say that I was no longer attractive to him physically. He stated a fact. I do agree with him, my body did look more beautiful before than it does now, and that's ok. I will do what I reasonably can to get back in shape. In fact, he comes with me to the gym so that working out becomes something that we can do together. He also cooks me healthy meals and doesn't stuff the place with thing that will make it harder for me. I do see his comment as constructive, sometimes its hard to remember that those clothes that do not fit me now and I often feel tempted to donate could fit me again with some discipline :cheese: If despite my efforts they don't fit again, it's ok. I will not feel crushed. I will accept it and, hopefully, keep up some new habits :)

The point is that although it is natural for her to feel offended - he touched a nerve - it does not seem to be malicious on his part: this is a phase, so what if it looks funny:wigtongue just laugh it off and see if there is anything you can do to improve it. She is in the right place to grow healthy hair ;)

KrissyKitty
August 22nd, 2011, 04:39 PM
DBF used to make similarly rude comments. A particular one comes to mind, "honey, what happened to your face?!" I just looked at him puzzled. "No, there's black stuff near your eyes, in like a line, what is that?!" "Eyeliner." I'm actually pretty skilled with applying makeup but it was the first time I had worn eyeliner around him. He noticed a change, and that was his insensitive way of pointing it out. In regards to hair, he has learned that I respond well to "Your hair has grown so much longer! Inches and inches!" And badly to most other things he likes to point out.

Quetiepi
August 22nd, 2011, 04:54 PM
This sounds like stuff my ex used to say to me. Best thing is to wait & an opportunity will arise where you can really make a point.
Just because he's a male doesn't mean that he can't be nice. He can learn.

McFearless
August 22nd, 2011, 05:28 PM
I would have slapped him across the face. I'm serious I would have. I'm sure your husband loves you dearly, but still, what an idiotic thing to say!!!
http://i51.tinypic.com/2hyfouu.gif

I'm sorry I couldn't resist.

Slinks
August 22nd, 2011, 05:33 PM
:lol: ^^^^ @ McFearless !!

LisaButz2001
August 22nd, 2011, 05:37 PM
I like Eric the Great's idea, but that might result in assault charges. A less mature, but effective method may be to choose some aspect of his looks that he's sensitive about and make snarky comments.

jeanniet
August 22nd, 2011, 05:40 PM
I've been married a long time, and at this point my DH knows if he tells me something like that he's going to get the big finger from me. In fact, by now he's learned that if he wants to stay on my good side, he says "I like your long hair!" whether he does or not! :p

ravenreed
August 22nd, 2011, 05:41 PM
OMG, I just finished watching that season. <3 is all I can say.


http://i51.tinypic.com/2hyfouu.gif

I'm sorry I couldn't resist.

ravenreed
August 22nd, 2011, 05:45 PM
No kidding! Some of us NEVER get back our pre-baby bodies, for various reasons. A more supportive comment would have been, "You are working very hard and getting closer to what you want to look like. Great job!" A smart spouse/SO never comments on a woman's weight unless it is to compliment. Especially if she has recently given birth!




Don't hate me either, Susana, but I think your husband is just as rude. Like it's not okay not to have that kind of body (the chick undressed body).

prettykitty
August 22nd, 2011, 05:56 PM
Sometimes men are just idiots.

jasper
August 22nd, 2011, 06:28 PM
It isn't men. Women can come out with the insensitive comments and unsolicited opinions just as readily. The most likely person to tell me my hair looks weird would be my mom.

It sounds like the original poster's husband is used to his suggestions and input about her hair being considered, but he might need some education about when or if his input is welcome in the future.

Susana
August 22nd, 2011, 07:29 PM
A smart spouse/SO never comments on a woman's weight unless it is to compliment. Especially if she has recently given birth!

I disagree. My family is honest with me about what they think of me and I appreciate that. It is easy to give a compliment, as they are always welcomed, but it takes a bit more courage to give a criticism. Even when I had just given birth my family told me that I needed to lose some weight. They didn't try to make me feel horrible and they didn't say I looked disgusting, nothing like that! They gave me steps on how to do so slowly and in a healthy way. My mother and my husband even prepared my meals for a while. My husband joined the gym with me. My mom bought me some cute work out clothes! My family is brilliant; they know me and they know me and my needs, and they watch out for me so that if I need help they've got my back. I don't always jump with joy to my feet when they point out something that I should change, sometimes it takes me a bit to see what they see, but when I do I am always thankful that they stick it out through my grumpy responses to help me when I come around. I thank God that they comment freely and honestly ^^ T ^^

archel
August 22nd, 2011, 07:29 PM
BEST ANIMATED GIF EVAR

\m/ \m/

Yes, that is my contribution to this thread. I had an ex like that...he is an EX...that's all I'm saying...*tiptoes away*

Crocus
August 22nd, 2011, 08:32 PM
Back in the early 90s I got a very short hair cut. I thought it was so cute and was really excited about it until I got home. The (now ex) stared at me in horror for a moment or so and then realizing he had to say something said, "Oh wow...you got your hair cut. You look like a Romulan with that cut."

I FLIPPED OUT. He tried to back pedal and say, "Tasha Yar is Romulan, right??" but by then it was too late. Truthfully, it had been too late when he was staring in almost horror, but the Romulan thing was just icing on that cake. LOL

DarkSky
August 22nd, 2011, 08:48 PM
I know the feeling! My hubby has been supportive of my CO'ing and non straightening method but the other day he did tell me that it didn't look so great :( I was upset with him. I see my curls/wurls as being super shiny now and very seperated and he sees them as being greasy and clumpy. Other days he thinks it looks great when I think it's horrible. I give up. So now I just ask others opinions cause maybe he's just not a good judge of hair.

Don't fret! It happens to many of us I think. They will surprisingly be supportive at other moments or stages though... when we least expect it.

Moor_tu_lyfe
August 22nd, 2011, 11:04 PM
My hair was driving me wild- having to wash (twice) daily because excess oil production etc (although it always looked nice when freshly washed) so.... with my chemical phobia fresh on my mind, I decided to try WO washing.

My husband said he would prefer me to cut off all my hair.

Then lectured me on doing "this" with my 2 and 4 yo.

(OK this rant didn't happen all at once, these are just ongoing comments to me while I try to make this WO thing work.)

Anyway, only made me more determined to go through with it. The girls hair both look lovely (and smell good too) so hopefully mine with fully transition nicely soon and he can eat his words. :rolleyes:

I know he wasn't trying to be mean, just brutally honest. I think he gets it from his mother....

curlymarcia
August 23rd, 2011, 02:25 PM
I am sure he loved you very much, but I don't believe he understand the importance of your hair growth journey. Keep growing and the weird stage will pass soon. Good luck sweety!

Ashenputtel
August 23rd, 2011, 03:49 PM
When it comes to your hair, never do it for somebody else. Most men prefer me has a light blonde, I liked it too but it's not worth the pollution, the scalp issues and all my money.

You did a good thing for your hair by treating it better and in 1-2 years from now you will really be happy with the results.

I don't think he realised that he was hurtful. My boyfriend who's mother is from Sri Lanka and have this beautiful black hair told me that my ashy roots look gray. I think they look healthy.

Mesmerise
August 23rd, 2011, 05:02 PM
I disagree. My family is honest with me about what they think of me and I appreciate that. It is easy to give a compliment, as they are always welcomed, but it takes a bit more courage to give a criticism. Even when I had just given birth my family told me that I needed to lose some weight. They didn't try to make me feel horrible and they didn't say I looked disgusting, nothing like that! They gave me steps on how to do so slowly and in a healthy way. My mother and my husband even prepared my meals for a while. My husband joined the gym with me. My mom bought me some cute work out clothes! My family is brilliant; they know me and they know me and my needs, and they watch out for me so that if I need help they've got my back. I don't always jump with joy to my feet when they point out something that I should change, sometimes it takes me a bit to see what they see, but when I do I am always thankful that they stick it out through my grumpy responses to help me when I come around. I thank God that they comment freely and honestly ^^ T ^^

Errrm...I'm sure they meant it with the best intentions, but seriously? You'd just given birth and they were telling you that you needed to lose weight? Now, I think it's pretty obvious when I need to lose weight. In fact, after giving birth I KNEW I was a fatty boombah...but I really wouldn't have appreciated family members telling me that I needed to lose it!

Now, sure I would have appreciated it if my family had done stuff to help me lose weight without actually SAYING that I needed to lose weight IYKWIM. Like...offering to pay for a gym membership for a couple of months or helping prepare t he meals or something... but to actually TELL a new mother that she needs to lose weight is really just not cool... Now if you, yourself had said, "I need to lose weight!" then it would be different, because you're stating that you're not happy with how you are. However, I don't think it's really anyone else's business if you're a little overweight or not, even if they are family members.

Navydoc_76
August 23rd, 2011, 06:16 PM
wow. if my husband said something like that to me he would be answered with the glare of death! lol...