Thin hair acceptance

[pathetic_hair]

Hi, I'm fairly new and I posted on the thin/fine thread. I admit I knew practically nothing about hair before joining and by lurking I've learnt A LOT. I still don't think I can determine the type of hair I have. But I've learned a lot, and now I take better care of my hair, even though I'm starting with little steps :)

Still, I have a problem accepting my hair. I live in South America and as you know, most latinas have thick, coarse hair. I have thin (probably i, i/ii tops, I haven't measured my ponytail circumference yet) and fine hair. Sure I have some strands which are very coarse, but those are far and in between. Most of my relatives have thin hair, or have dealt with alopecia. I guess the only one who hasn't is my maternal grandma who, even at 85, has a full head of beautiful thick, gray (more like silver though), wavy hair. But both of my parents have thin(ning) hair. So does my sister.

I like that my hair is silky and very shiny, and to a degree, I like that it's very light and that it's not a problem in hot weather. But I feel frustrated because you can easily see my scalp, especially when I put my hair up. I don't have bald spots, just a lot of scalp cleavage (which are like places in which my hair parts naturally, showing scalp). I also have a big head, so there's less coverage for such a big area. I only have one bald spot, but it's small (thanks to getting really bad chicken pox at 19, I got a huge cluster on my scalp which left a scar).

Here are some pics...

I'd already posted this on the other thread, this is my (very wide) part:
http://i53.tinypic.com/2l8ya6d.jpg

This is really old, my hair is way longer now, but you can notice some scalp cleavage around my crown/back area.
http://i55.tinypic.com/oqha8z.jpg

Here's another pic (I had a band and this was a rehearsal), where you can see how thin my hair is, and notice how fine it is... but also how shiny and healthy it is. This is also old. It's reaching WL now...
http://i54.tinypic.com/2zjdxd5.jpg

I know it could be worse... it just gets to me, because most women around here have thick, coarse hair and they think it's ok to comment about my hair's lack of density. I know they don't mean to make me feel bad, but it gets to me because they make me feel like a freak. I was born like this. I also feel bad and unwomanly and like something's missing when I do a ponytail or a braid, because they're always so thin and puny!

I don't think I'm thinning because I've done the "hair pull" test several times and I pluck 1 or 2 strands each time, if I pluck any at all.

Sometimes people will say I have nice hair, because it's shiny, soft and long. This makes me feel ok for a moment, but when I notice scalp cleavage or that my braids are puny, I get so down :( I also get such hair envy around women with thick hair.

I want to accept it, I'm only 22 so this is the hair I'll have all my life. I just have such a hard time accepting it. What can I do? How to come to terms with my (most likely) i type hair?

Sorry this was so long

[Sunshineliz]

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I think it is lovely.:)

I'm sure others will help think of other things, but the first thing that comes to mind is that you may be able to pull off some very delicate styles that thick, coarse hair never could. Thin, fine braids, especially accent ones, can be very beautiful in your type of hair.

[InTheCity]

Some folks with really thick hair must have no idea what it's like to be unhappy with thin hair. Before I chopped, I wore my hair in a bun to work. I pulled it out to show a co-worker length and she immediately went "Your hair is so thin!" Uh, I know, and I Hate it but thanks for reminding me?

I had to accept it recently too. I got to BSL and it looked so scraggly and pathetic (at least I thought so) that I decided to cut a decent amount off. Of course my now ex-hairdresser cut off more than double what I asked...

The best advice I can give is to find a length/style that compliments the hair you were born with. For every time that we're unhappy about not having enough hair, someone else out there is unhappy they have too much hair or none at all.

[jasper]

I have similar hair in that I can see scalp through my hair at times and certain styles will show a lot more "part" than I want to see. My hair texture is fine, meaning each individual hair is thin, and I seem to have a medium amount of hair, or the low end of a medium amount anyway. This makes for not a lot of volume, and that annoying "scalp cleavage" as I've seen people call it here.

I envy volume, but I have seen sleek, lower volume hair that I admire time and again. Just like in your rehearsal photo- I think it looks lovely. But yeah, I have had to accept and reaccept that I am not going to have a big thick braid, giant bun or a full hemline. I don't know how to accept the scalp show-through. That just annoys me!

[Jimothea]

I agree with Sunshineliz; you have beautiful hair! I know it's easy to compare your own hair to others (preaching to the choir here), but try to avoid it. Everyone is different and that's that. Love the hair you have because it's gorgeous and it's yours!

There are some things you can try if it gets to where it's really bugging you (boy, have I been there, no matter how hard I try to avoid it)--you can begin collecting shed hairs frmo your comb and whatnot--get them all washed and nice and neat and lying the right direction, then pin them at one end and use them to fluff up your updo's and half-up's; it will hide some of the excess scalp. Or you can move your part around, so that you can at least make it seem like there's more hair over the thinner spots than there is in reality. Or hair falls, if you have special events, but I think they're almost more trouble than they're worth.

As for more long-term changes, I've had good luck with Monistat; it filled in the really really sparse spots at my temple, along my hairline, and I got a TON of new baby hairs from using it (by the way, that means my hair was a hot mess! lol), but I understand this is not the norm; most reported getting length on the existing strands, not completely new follicles like me. I have heard that Castor oil can not only plump existing hairs but also cause growth of new follicles, but I've not tried it myself.

Any time I'm feeling down about my hair I try to pencil in some TLC time for it. You know, hair masques, deep conditioning treatments, or just playing with new pretty hairstyles I've seen on TV or the internet (*happy sigh for youtubing hairstyles*). Thin hair has a lot of options, really. REALLY. lol. I PROMISE. I usually feel a bit better about it after I've dosed myself with some hardcore pampering.

Don't despair; have fun with it! And welcome to LHC, from a fellow thinnie.

[SwordWomanRiona]

In my opinion, I don't think your hair looks bad at all, in fact, I think it looks lovely, especially in the last pic.
I have very fine hair, completely straight and medium thickness, and I've also always wished it were a bit thicker...But we're our worst critics sometimes. Thanks to LHC (I love you, people! :)), I'm finally beginning to take pleasure in my fine straight hair, and because I take much better care of it, I've even noticed a small increase in thickness and a better hemline.
I'll never sport huge buns or really thick braids, but there are a lot of hairstyles that look great with fine, less thick hair. And there a few that actually work better with less thick hair :). Fine hair is shiny and soft without doing anything to it. Some say it looks 'Elvish' and 'ethereal'.
Just don't underestimate your hair. Forget about nasty people.

[Xi]

Your hair is beautiful -- shining, healthy-looking, gorgeous colour!:blossom:

I know it's hard sometimes being on the thinner/finer end of the hair spectrum. I feel your pain about thick-haired people commenting on my relative lack of volume -- they usually don't mean any harm, but honestly, in what universe could that be taken as a nice thing to say?:ponder:

I don't really have a complete, happy solution to dissatisfaction with hair thickness. There are a few ameliorating features of longer hair -- as my hair grows, my bun starts to look "normal" sized (normal for short-haired people, but hey), and people tend to comment more on my length than on my lack of thickness. I try to think of my long light hair with its fairytale hemline as being delicate and fairy-like.:meditate:

Also, I avoid ponytails, half-ups, and un-bunned braids. It's either all up, or all down (preferably in braid-waves).

I try to focus on the things I like about my hair, and just not think about its thickness (or lack thereof). All in all, there are enough nice things about my hair to make me content with it (most of the time!;)).

Best wishes and happy growing!:flower:

[DarkSunny]

You have beautiful hair, very shiny too. In terms of the part, have you tried mixing up where you part your hair every so often? I have pretty thin hair as well, and I've noticed that always having it parted in the same place makes it look wider and thins out the hair near the part. Parting it in places where the hair isn't used to being parted can give you a bit more volume up top and give the hair at your usual part a bit of a rest.

[McFearless]

Your hair is really silky and the colour is gorgeous. How wide your parting is has nothing to do with thickness in my opinion. I have thick hair and my parting is wide.

[pastel]

My hair is soft, fine and there's not much of it. I had a little kid once ask me why he could see so much of my scalp (I have really dark hair so it's even more apparent). What are you going to do? :(. I am just trying to take care of it as best I can, and enjoy that it's not so thick that it's difficult to deal with, it dries relatively quickly, etc. I try to appreciate what I have, since I know some people go bald for different health reasons.

[BlazingHeart]

What glossy hair you have!

The biggest advantage I know of with thin/fine hair is the fancy 'dos you can do. With my thick hair, I will probably never be able to do the fancier buns. At waist length, I still can't do even a lazy wrap or a cinnabun - my hair won't stay in the most basic of buns without a TON of claw clips.

~Blaze

[skyblue]

you have beautiful hair! You know we thin hairs have a lot of
advantages that thick hairs don't have, we don't have to worry about the
do head aches lol, our hair dries in minutes! Yeah!!
we can do many varieties of beautiful buns at much shorter lengths! We
can wear our hair down when its hot out ;)
no worries sweetie all's good

[Lissandria]

I too feel your pain as I have fine and ii hair although on the lower end of ii. However as had been said above their are many advantages to having thin/fine hair! I think your hair is lovely :)

[Sunshineliz]

I also wish for thicker hair at times, and for my daughters as well (DH should lend me some--he's got that latin hair you mentioned:).) But the other day I was babysitting several little girls from another family and I did their hair. Their hair is more medium texture rather than fine and it was definitely thicker. French braids were thicker, but didn't have any movement. DD10 excitedly wanted me to do a heart braid on her friend that I usually save for Valentines Day. It was much harder as the braids just didn't drape like DD10's do. It didn't look quite right. I might wish for more thickness at times but this reminded me that fine and thin has its advantages.

[torrilin]

I'd strongly encourage you to measure your ponytail. Yes, it might seem scary. But in your pictures, it doesn't look like you have thin hair in the least. Fine texture, yes. Thin... not really. And the way you are talking about your hair is really nasty and inappropriate. There is no way you'd say these sorts of things to anyone else. That means it is not ok to say them about you. If your ponytail comes out measuring 5cm or so, it's about average. It may be the low end of average, but that is ok, because...

Fine hair tends to smoosh down and be quite low in volume, no matter what. This is because each individual strand is quite small in diameter. A person with fine hair might have hairs that are 30 or 40 microns in diameter. Many people with coarse hair would have hair that is 120 or even 200 microns in diameter. That is a very large difference, and people do notice. Fine hair also tends to be more transparent, so your arm and leg hair will tend to be harder to see. And the most transparent hairs will also tend to catch the light quite well, with a lot of sparkle. In arm and leg hair, maybe not so great. But on your head? You'll always look like you have beautiful natural highlights.

However, if you work out the math, you can see how someone with fine hair will have to have quite a lot more hairs on their head than someone with coarse hair, even with a 5cm ponytail.

So the way you're talking about yourself and your hair is just not at all based in reality. And I think reality is rather important in this sort of situation.

Chances are also very good that most of the women you see are using hair care routines that work on coarse hair, and will be very destructive on your fine hair. Often, the more damage that a stylist does to a hair's physical structure, the larger and more coarse it appears. Eventually tho, this enlarging effect causes the hair's structure to just fall to pieces. For you, this process would happen very quickly, because your hair strands have a small cross section, and since hair is basically pure keratin... someone with a more coarse hair will physically have more keratin molecules in any bit of their hair. Since your hair is quite long already, you have to be taking pretty decent care of it and not abusing it in ways it can't handle. Due to that... you're going to have a radically different look than women with coarser hair and more destructive routines.

Different isn't bad. It's different.

[happybear]

You are right Torrilin, I have been told the exact same thing before.

I went to a salon once and was really down on my hair density, and the stylist said to me that I probably have more hair on my head than she did. She showed me the difference in diameter between her thick hair and my fine hair and it was shocking. She said that fine thin haired people typically have a higher number of actual hairs on their head, than most other people with "normal" hair.

Think of how many more of your tiny hairs wold be needed to cover your scalp enough that it is not completely see through, as compared to someone who's hair strands are 4 times the diameter of yours

[Mesmerise]

I have thin, fairly fine hair too, and it does get me down (I'm recovering from shedding at the moment, so it's actually worse than it should be). I also feel self conscious about my scalp, because there are areas that for, whatever reason, the hair grows very sparsely on (maybe scalp damage from perming or dyeing I dunno). I am super, super self conscious about this, although I know there are people worse off that me!

Just try and focus on the positives. Many coarse haired people would envy your hair's shinyness for example! Besides, in your pics, it doesn't look abnormally thin to me. I would suggest you measure your circumference, because it may be thicker than you think!!

[MonaLisa]

Do what Mesmerise said :)
I've always considered my hair thin, even tho stylists would tell me i have lot of hair... because my individual hairs are so fine...
and especially after some shedding, i've been feeling so down..
BUT when i measured it got me right in between ii and iii :) :) :D
tell us the results!!!

[fluffybunny]

For the scalp cleavage issue, I find it's most noticeable with a natural parting like you have in the first picture. If you part it with a comb (or a hairstick) then the part doesn't look nearly so wide.

And to echo what so many have said, your hair looks lovely to me, especially in the third picture. I think fine & silky hair is beautiful on its own, and still looks pretty even at "i" thickness. I've found browsing the albums here helps with hair acceptance in general. You can find many examples of pretty, long "i" hair.

[Revontuletar]

That looks very similar to my hair, and unfortunately my whole family has it! At least on my mum's side anyway. It's sad, really, but so far I have managed to reach waist length, even with chemical dyes, so don't despair! I find it quite difficult to accept my thin hair, especially when I have a bad shed or I see someone with hair that's so much thicker than mine.

[alyanna]

So the way you're talking about yourself and your hair is just not at all based in reality. And I think reality is rather important in this sort of situation.

Different isn't bad. It's different.

Great post torrillin! And very informative.

This is a great thread. I feel very encouraged by the responses. I also have fine, thin hair. My ponytail circumference is around 2.5" so the lower end of a ii. If it's heavily oiled it might be under 2". So I feel your pain!

But you know? I do get compliments on my hair, that it's soft, shiny, fluffy and I like that it's light and moves "sweetly" :p I can't wait for mine to get a little longer. I think (I hope) it'll be pretty! Like others said, it's all good. Just try to focus on the good qualities of your hair and try to keep it in tip-top shape. We'll still have bad days when we wish for thicker hair, but what can you do? :shrug:

[PianoPlaye]

Yeay for a hearty statement of fact & for the reassurance that that brings. :)
Another yeay for heavy duty pampering when feeling blue. :mad:
Having hair that is different to societal norms is always going to be tough, but let that inspire you towards the delicate styles that other thicker haired gals wrestle with. (Elvish styles - fun!)

I suffer hair envy - and those whom I talk to comment that they couldn't braid & wear it up as I do - "I'd need nails!" whereas I get away with three hairpins. They regard several screwpins as a basic starter (all invisible to me!) - I look at one & know it's going to show up through my hair & so leave it.

There was a thread that discussed what we'd go for in a magic fairy offered us the length & state we most wanted & thick hair was much in demand. I wished for it too, but the hair fairy is a pipe dream.

I look at braid shots & think his/hers "is as thick as my wrist" whereas mine is single finger thick. So, I may try monistat, I may try castor oil or I may just work on loving my hair as it is & as it could be if I really took proper care of it (as I'm learning to!)
Of course it's tough being different. But why settle for 'normal' when you can be Unique?

[mariazelie]

At 58 years old, I have done the hair envy all my life. Yes, it is thin, and fine. These posts help me to feel better, wish I had been able to have this support when I was in high school. However, after all these years of envy and wishing, nothing has changed. I am working on acceptance and these posts help a great deal. At this point I think a lot about not losing hair because of aging and becoming even thinner, which reminds me to be grateful for what I have! Any thinning needs to take place at the waistline, not the hairline! Don't stress, ladies, make the best of your hair, be confident and don't waste time obsessing about it. This forum is the best place for moral support you could have. I finally realized I am not the ONLY one. Do your best and enjoy it!

[Babyfine]

I think your hair is lovely! I have very fine hair, too-and not a lot of it.
And I've had the "your hair is so thin" comments, too. But I've also had some compliments when it was lower BSL(I recently cut back to shoulders in Jan-now regrowing). There are some advantages to fine hair-even at lower BSL mine was never heavy and dried fairly fast compared to someone with thicker hair.

ETA: when you get enough posts you can look at the pictures of some of the lovely fine hairs here for inspiration-there are some who grown to great lengths.

@Mariazele-Yes exactly, I wish something like LHC had existed when I was in highschool, too.

[Audrey Horne]

I may not be the i-type but I know how difficult it can be. Some of my family members are F/i and I feel their pain. Sometimes it seems like we all have to measure up to the quite impossible ideal. People often forget how real people look like and it includes being different. Of course, LHC is full of any type and all of them are real! But LHC is another universe. We all do what we can do to get healthy real hair and I think we win on the long run. I see how frustrating it is to get compared to others. I don't think there's anything wrong with OP's hair and honestly I don't even see that much of scalp. It's all about relativity like always: someone could be always thinner or thicker than you. It doesn't mean what you have is bad! I don't know if OP is latina as well(?). Because my hair got compared with those of entirely other ethnic groups :) How logical is that lol There would be a slight probability for me to be born with their hair type. So please don't get upset! Remember that you may own quality that those girls don't, be it hair or something else (some talent, for example).

[pathetic_hair]

Thanks for all the replies :) It's good to know that I'm not alone, and that having thin/fine hair has some advantages!

I will measure my ponytail. I'm sure that having fine strands makes my ponytail thinner than it'd be with coarser strands... but I'm still pretty much sure I don't have that many hairs in my scalp because I've seen people (particularly blondes) with very fine hair and A LOT of it! I also have a "tight" or "thin" scalp, which I've read usually correlates with thin hair and hair loss - but it's ok. Last night I took a long look at my hair in my mirror and yes, it's pretty :) So I feel a lot better now.

Thank you all for your support!!! You've been amazing!!! :)

[redwoman]

I think your hair is lovely. I bet it feel like silk to touch it. Enjoy what you have, it is nice.

[irishlady]

Your hair is very pretty!
I understand though, my hair is fine too, and I have days when I wish it were thicker...oh well, at least we can do those delicate hair dos that people with thicker hair struggle to do :)

[McFearless]

I've always said that how thick your hair is has nothing to do with its beauty. We have a bad habit of odolizing thick hair around here and we need to be more considerate to those with thin hair. No comparing yourself to others too. My hair will never be as sleek or shiny as yours, but I try to keep in mind what I like about my own hair. :)

[oktobergoud]

I think your hair looks great! :)
I have fine and thin hair too, but only at the sides (the back of my head is coarse and full!). However, I do get your frustration. People keep telling me that I have thin hair, while hairdressers always tell me how thick it is and it really isn't thin, so it's frustrating! My hair just 'hangs there' at the sides of my head and that can be very frustrating... for me a reason why I have cut it into a pixie so many times ;)

And yes it is very annoying when people tell you 'god your hair is really thin' but hey, whatever, we are all different people and thus all have different hair. Thin hair's definitely not bad and to be honest, I don't think your hair is THAT thin. Could be a lot thinner :)

[Solange]

Your hair is beautiful (and so are you, based on that profile pic!). All types of hair can be. I will never understand either why people think it's ok to tell someone that their hair is thin, that it's "not that thick" or "it's not as thick as it used to be, right?". I've heard the two last ones enough to make me scream. I used to have ultra thick hair, and medication had caused it to dwindle to half of its prior volume. I don't appreciate people rubbing that in either! I think we should both start not being quite so polite and inform people that they are being hurtful, since they are inexplicably clueless.