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View Full Version : depressing topic...why I can't wear scarves



archel
August 10th, 2011, 09:31 AM
So, the other night, I thought I'd wear a scarf to bed since I had oiled my scalp with my castor oil blend. The moment I put it on I flashed back to memories of my mother when she was going through chemotherapy and losing her hair, lashes, and brows, and I tore it off my head. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to wear head scarves. That was a heck of a way to come to that realization...

wonder if I can somehow train myself to get over this? Bleah. :(

Bast
August 10th, 2011, 09:42 AM
You can, but it will be difficult and can take a while. A good comparison is desensitization training for phobia, because what you're talking about is retraining your brain from a very negative association to at least a neutral association.

There are alternatives, however. If I wear a scarf to bed, I only wrap it around the length of my hair, and then put that up in a bun - may not completely work at your length and can be finicky to put up. You can also put the scarf over your pillow - not so good for those (like me!) that toss and turn all night, in which case things like satin and silk pillowcases work quite nicely.

Or, there is also simply going without. Scarves aren't mandatory, it sounds like it's a method to help keep the rest of your bedding from picking up too much of excess castor oil, yes?

WaitingSoLong
August 10th, 2011, 09:43 AM
Aww :O( Sorry to hear this.

There are some things I strongly associate with bad memories and I just have to avoid them. Years and years does not break the association or make me stop thinking of that person or situation.

archel
August 10th, 2011, 09:44 AM
Yep, it's just so I don't get castor oil on my bedding, although honestly I can't tell that it's getting on my pillowcases at all, so perhaps that is just in my head, hahaha! I have a satin pillowcase which is quite nice to sleep on. Perhaps if I wear it like you said without it around the front of my hair, it won't trigger that reaction? I'll try that next time I do a deep oiling.

neko_kawaii
August 10th, 2011, 09:48 AM
How about a nightcap/bonnet type of thing?

Bast
August 10th, 2011, 09:51 AM
Yep, it's just so I don't get castor oil on my bedding, although honestly I can't tell that it's getting on my pillowcases at all, so perhaps that is just in my head, hahaha! I have a satin pillowcase which is quite nice to sleep on. Perhaps if I wear it like you said without it around the front of my hair, it won't trigger that reaction? I'll try that next time I do a deep oiling.

And, when in doubt, thrift shops have pillowcases for cheap. Wash them with some bleach and hot water to make sure that they're clean, and you can have a fresh pillowcase for each night of the week!

Yame
August 10th, 2011, 10:13 AM
After my mom moved back to Brazil with my little brother, I couldn't bear to drive through the same streets that I had to take to get to the house she lived in when she was still here.
I couldn't hear the sound of an ice cream truck without crying... It reminded me of my little brother and how he excited he would get whenever the ice cream truck came to our neighborhood.

Then I moved somewhere near where her house used to be. I take that path everyday now, and it doesn't bother me at all anymore. Ice cream trucks, on the other hand...

Carolyn
August 10th, 2011, 10:25 AM
Get some cheap pillowcases or go to Goodwill and see if they have any. Then you won't care if they get all oily. You can also lay a towel over your pillow to soak up the oil. You don't have to wear a scarf on oiled hair. I don't.

spidermom
August 10th, 2011, 10:35 AM
I don't think I'd bother trying to neutralize that association.
It's amazing that anybody can wear anything on their heads to bed. I toss and turn so much that the only solution is a single braid coming from the top-back of my head and directed over the top of the pillow. I've never noticed oily pillowcase or sheet, even when I've been very generous with the oil application.

I also put coconut oil on my feet, and I do notice oil spots on the sheet at the foot of my bed however.

AnqeIicDemise
August 10th, 2011, 12:21 PM
You can do this, just take it slow and one day at a time and if this is what you want to do, that is.

I couldn't handle shaved heads on men and I didn't realize this until my husband shaved his head last year. I couldn't look at him or have him touch me for weeks without having a panic attack. I never felt so terrible like I did back then. I knew my fear stemmed from a rape almost a decade ago and that I kept flipping out because I kept seeing my attacker....but the man next to me was ANYTHING BUT that man.

DH went to bed, every day wearing a beanie in the full height of summer for my comfort. :(

Then his hair got longer and I offered to cut his hair again. I cut it shorter than I usually do. The next time, it was shorter than the time before that and so on. Its taken about a year but if DH wanted to completely shave his head again, I'd be okay with it. As is, we keep it fairly short since he's doing some rogaine stuff to regain thickness and its easier to apply it to the scalp when its 1/2 in short or shorter. He has started so see difference (as have I) so maybe in a few months he'll start growing it out again. (I hope so. I miss his long curls!)

AnqeIicDemise
August 10th, 2011, 12:24 PM
How about a nightcap/bonnet type of thing?

I second this motion. I've been thinking about doing this myself as I'm starting to get annoyed with braids.

Aliped
August 10th, 2011, 12:27 PM
.... the only solution is a single braid coming from the top-back of my head

Me too! When I do a heavy over night oiling, I make a braid, then stuff it in a sock! (has to be a long sock though).

edensapples
August 10th, 2011, 12:31 PM
I was sad b/c I had no scarves.. until I met a man who had no neck.

Madora
August 10th, 2011, 12:32 PM
Archel, I'm so sorry about the sad association scarves have for you.

Perhaps you might consider 2 possible alternatives:

1) Covering your oiled hair with 3 large sheets of Saran Wrap (cling wrap) to protect your pillow from oil

2) Wrapping your pillow with a thick. clean towel, or better still,
pinning the towel to your pillow.

Good luck!