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jojo
July 27th, 2011, 06:57 PM
Today at work the senior nurse was talking about my hair and saying why don't you cut it? I just replied "why should I? I prefer long hair" she went on and on about how im way too old and the long hair makes me look older and is not professional enough WTF how insulting is that? Ive only worked there 5 weeks, so who does she think she is? A bun is professional INHO.

Bear in mind her hair looks like a toilet brush which the rats have been nibbling on, she cuts it herself with a razor, dyes it a mustard colour but id never, ever put somebody down like that. If she wants to look like a troll doll, then she can go do it nothing to do with me!

Apparently too I laugh too much and appear too cheery......mmmmmmmm thats a new one on me! I am always happy and don't see why I should change not only my hair style so she likes it and also my personality.

I wouldnt mind, shes only ever seen my hair in a bun. I get on great with all the other staff, but she pecks my head every day for stupid things but i find this very personal. As I see it as long as a nurse, I am professional and am not endangering the lives of my patients, why should my hair or personality be changed just based on her views. I made it very clear I am not cutting but why is this woman being a complete cow about these issues?

I need some clever come backs, i am not fishing for compliments btw just really pissed off with her constantly pecking my head with meaningless comments.

Mairéad
July 27th, 2011, 07:00 PM
Bah, she's probably jealous. :mad:
Sometimes I get afraid that when my hair gets long that I will get similar comments from higher ups at my job. The too cheery thing is confusing though. The last thing I want is a grumpy nurse.
The toilet brush thing is hilarious. It'd probably end poorly to make such a comment though, no matter how true it may be.

Mesmerise
July 27th, 2011, 07:04 PM
Some people are just b**chy! Honestly, I think it's ridiculous to talk to an adult woman that way. I mean... sheesh... you're adults! Why talk like a b**chy high school girl?!

If I were you, I'd just say something like, "why don't you grow your hair? It would suit you better than your current style".

It is soooo stupid when people say you're "too old" to have long hair when you're 40+ (or even 30+). Ridiculous! In the old days older women all wore long hair!! I see women in their 60s and beyond with long hair all the time (well not saying that lots of women that age have long hair, but if I go to the shops I'll almost invariably see an older woman with long hair... maybe not waist + length, but often APL or BSL at least...).

Some people get their only joy in life from criticising others, I'm afraid.

pepperedmoth
July 27th, 2011, 07:06 PM
Nurses eat their young. Just wait until she retires- that's all you can do.

-Rosemary, the bitter and cynical nurse

Mairéad
July 27th, 2011, 07:08 PM
I also hate the "you're too old thing." Granted I'm 21, but I'm afraid that once I get older my mom is going to start hounding me and with her, "Long hair on older women is disgusting," and she's also "sickened" by gray hair of any length. Looks like I'm just gonna have to be a brat when that happens. My expertise. :D

Lixie
July 27th, 2011, 07:15 PM
Nursing can be such a cesspool of b*tchery. Your hair is gorgeous and buns are in no way unprofessional. :rolleyes: Her treatment of you is the only thing not professional enough.

I'm a student nurse and my go-to hairstyle for placement is Heidi braids. I should come visit your unit/ward. :D

monsterna
July 27th, 2011, 07:16 PM
Tell her how much fun it is when your husband uses them as reins?

I really don't want you to get fired though. :D

Gabriel
July 27th, 2011, 07:21 PM
I've mentioned this before on here. Cultivate "The Look".

Practice looking dead serious. Not mean or angry- those are different expressions. "The Look" is something a lot of people who are usually very nice and sweet and easy going need to actually develop. The expression you are going for is one that says to the other person, "I hear you, I understand you, but now it is time for you to stop talking". With "The Look" use a lower and almost quiet, very serious voice to go with it.

Next time your hair is mentioned, stop everything you are doing. Do not smile. Do not laugh. Do not fidget. Stop, be still and using "The Look", give the person speaking your undivided attention. When she finishes the comment/lecture/ whatever, use the voice that goes with "The Look" and let her know, simply, in respectful but firm and polite wording that your hair is no longer up for discussion.

Don't apologize after you make it clear that your hair is no longer to be discussed. Don't smile, don't giggle or laugh. Just leave it at that and go back to what you were doing.

happybear
July 27th, 2011, 07:24 PM
Ew she's horrid!

Next time she's around, pull the bun out, wave your hair around slowly and giggle with cheer

happybear
July 27th, 2011, 07:27 PM
Tell her how much fun it is when your husband uses them as reins?


This made me snort out loud!



I've mentioned this before on here. Cultivate "The Look".

Practice looking dead serious. Not mean or angry- those are different expressions. "The Look" is something a lot of people who are usually very nice and sweet and easy going need to actually develop. The expression you are going for is one that says to the other person, "I hear you, I understand you, but now it is time for you to stop talking". With "The Look" use a lower and almost quiet, very serious voice to go with it.

Next time your hair is mentioned, stop everything you are doing. Do not smile. Do not laugh. Do not fidget. Stop, be still and using "The Look", give the person speaking your undivided attention. When she finishes the comment/lecture/ whatever, use the voice that goes with "The Look" and let her know, simply, in respectful but firm and polite wording that your hair is no longer up for discussion.

Don't apologize after you make it clear that your hair is no longer to be discussed. Don't smile, don't giggle or laugh. Just leave it at that and go back to what you were doing.


This is a good idea, more professional than my suggestion, :)

PinkyCat
July 27th, 2011, 07:27 PM
Toilet brush!! Baaahahahhahahah!!!

I totally would have told her that - but that's me.

ITA with Gabriel - and don't forget to completely ignore her immediate next three sentences. :D

archel
July 27th, 2011, 07:28 PM
Oh, my. I used to be a medical assistant in a neurosurgery clinic when my hair was waist length. And yes...nurses DO eat their young. I went through the "initiation by fire" crap myself. Horrible.

Ineedmorehair
July 27th, 2011, 07:31 PM
I had to read this twice because I can't believe it. I went through the same thing with my new boss a few months ago. I mean, really, the same thing, she's told me to cut my hair so it looks better and that I should tone down my personality because I'm too cheery and people might think I'm fake. After months of working with her I realized she's miserable with her life and she basically criticizes everyone and everything, I'm just another thing/person that happened to be in her way that day. Don't be insulted, just avoid situations where she can go off on a tangent and into personal territory. And she needs to get a reality check, people going to doctors' offices would much rather see a happy, positive nurse, than some somber faced dummy who looks like she sucks on pickles all day long. Don't make any smart comments, wait until you pass your probation, if you have one.

battles
July 27th, 2011, 07:33 PM
I wouldn't say anything rude, personally. Be the better person, even if she does look like a troll doll. :gabigrin:

ETA: And definitely use "the look"

jojo
July 27th, 2011, 07:34 PM
Bah, she's probably jealous. :mad:
Sometimes I get afraid that when my hair gets long that I will get similar comments from higher ups at my job. The too cheery thing is confusing though. The last thing I want is a grumpy nurse.
The toilet brush thing is hilarious. It'd probably end poorly to make such a comment though, no matter how true it may be.
ha ha thats what I thought too cheery? it was quite funny as the assistants kept saying "whoa careful no laughing on the unit, its against the policy" you dont even see how long your hair is when its bunned, she needs to get a life and learn to smile herself. Was singing Lady Gaga's poker face all afternoon just to really annoy her, she has a face like a slapped ass most of the time!

Some people are just b**chy! Honestly, I think it's ridiculous to talk to an adult woman that way. I mean... sheesh... you're adults! Why talk like a b**chy high school girl?!

If I were you, I'd just say something like, "why don't you grow your hair? It would suit you better than your current style".

It is soooo stupid when people say you're "too old" to have long hair when you're 40+ (or even 30+). Ridiculous! In the old days older women all wore long hair!! I see women in their 60s and beyond with long hair all the time (well not saying that lots of women that age have long hair, but if I go to the shops I'll almost invariably see an older woman with long hair... maybe not waist + length, but often APL or BSL at least...).

Some people get their only joy in life from criticising others, I'm afraid.

Thought of that one too, i did tell her she was doing my head in, in a jokey but meant it way! and i too hate the older women can't have long hair jibes. If we were meant to have short hair, it wouldnt grow long is my way of thinking.


Nurses eat their young. Just wait until she retires- that's all you can do.

-Rosemary, the bitter and cynical nurse this very true but im 42 hardly young, she is only 4 years my senior!


I also hate the "you're too old thing." Granted I'm 21, but I'm afraid that once I get older my mom is going to start hounding me and with her, "Long hair on older women is disgusting," and she's also "sickened" by gray hair of any length. Looks like I'm just gonna have to be a brat when that happens. My expertise. :D its daft isnt it, cant wait for more greys to kick in! its just ignorance they think long hair is harder if only they knew!


Nursing can be such a cesspool of b*tchery. Your hair is gorgeous and buns are in no way unprofessional. :rolleyes: Her treatment of you is the only thing not professional enough.

I'm a student nurse and my go-to hairstyle for placement is Heidi braids. I should come visit your unit/ward. :D ha ha year pop up, love to see her face and yes its very bitchy, you just learn to turn the other cheek. Normal comments dont bother me, but leave the hair alone eh?


Tell her how much fun it is when your husband uses them as reins?

I really don't want you to get fired though. :D
ha ha! she has a mouth like a cats bum most of the time, ha ha great visuals. I may actually get brave and use this!

LadyG
July 27th, 2011, 07:37 PM
I agree, the nursing field can and is brutal to their peers. Keep ignoring her, as best you can. Hugs, from another older nurse with long hair kept in a bun. When asked why, I say because I like it. And when they ask are you going to donate it I tell them no, it's not donatable, and I'm going to keep it right here on my head - with a totally straight face- and I walk away at that point. The only people who have commented after that statement, are friends who are supportive of me.

redwoman
July 27th, 2011, 07:42 PM
Your hair is awesome! As someone who has been in the hospital a few times, I can tell you, I like a happy nurse! Don't change a thing. Tell her to go suck lemons.

teal
July 27th, 2011, 07:45 PM
(...)she went on and on about how im way too old and the long hair makes me look older and is not professional enough WTF how insulting is that?
(...)
Bear in mind her hair looks like a toilet brush which the rats have been nibbling on, she cuts it herself with a razor, dyes it a mustard colour but id never, ever put somebody down like that. If she wants to look like a troll doll, then she can go do it nothing to do with me!
(...)
I made it very clear I am not cutting but why is this woman being a complete cow about these issues?
(...)
I need some clever come backs, i am not fishing for compliments btw just really pissed off with her constantly pecking my head with meaningless comments.

As others said, she's probably jealous or somehow perceives you as some kind of threat. I'd probably say something like "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" or "I'm not interested in discussing my hair with you" or, if she persisted, "Look - what exactly is problem here? Does it interfere with the quality of my work? No? Great - end of discussion."... but then I'm sensitive to hypocrisy and have no patience for it. (I'm also very blunt when aggravated.)

Do your job to the best of your ability as I'm sure you already do. You can't win 'em all, and sometimes you have to work around the snake in the grass.

October
July 27th, 2011, 07:48 PM
I've mentioned this before on here. Cultivate "The Look".

Practice looking dead serious. Not mean or angry- those are different expressions. "The Look" is something a lot of people who are usually very nice and sweet and easy going need to actually develop. The expression you are going for is one that says to the other person, "I hear you, I understand you, but now it is time for you to stop talking". With "The Look" use a lower and almost quiet, very serious voice to go with it.

Next time your hair is mentioned, stop everything you are doing. Do not smile. Do not laugh. Do not fidget. Stop, be still and using "The Look", give the person speaking your undivided attention. When she finishes the comment/lecture/ whatever, use the voice that goes with "The Look" and let her know, simply, in respectful but firm and polite wording that your hair is no longer up for discussion.

Don't apologize after you make it clear that your hair is no longer to be discussed. Don't smile, don't giggle or laugh. Just leave it at that and go back to what you were doing.

Haha, that totally reminds me of this video, How To Avoid Talking To People You Dont Want To (warning - lots of 'dirty' words) : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wRXa971Xw0&feature=related

teal
July 27th, 2011, 07:50 PM
You could also just tell her straight up that you find her insinuations offensive... it's the truth.

islandboo
July 27th, 2011, 07:52 PM
I've mentioned this before on here. Cultivate "The Look".

Practice looking dead serious. Not mean or angry- those are different expressions. "The Look" is something a lot of people who are usually very nice and sweet and easy going need to actually develop. The expression you are going for is one that says to the other person, "I hear you, I understand you, but now it is time for you to stop talking". With "The Look" use a lower and almost quiet, very serious voice to go with it.

Next time your hair is mentioned, stop everything you are doing. Do not smile. Do not laugh. Do not fidget. Stop, be still and using "The Look", give the person speaking your undivided attention. When she finishes the comment/lecture/ whatever, use the voice that goes with "The Look" and let her know, simply, in respectful but firm and polite wording that your hair is no longer up for discussion.

Don't apologize after you make it clear that your hair is no longer to be discussed. Don't smile, don't giggle or laugh. Just leave it at that and go back to what you were doing.

This! In a related vein, my mom (who amusingly enough was also considered "too cheerful" by some of her co-workers) was a Master of The Look and was once praised by for "being able to essentially tell someone to go to H*!! and have them thank you for it". Jojo, you are an awesome lady with beautiful hair - don't let a frumpy grump give you any grief!

jojo
July 27th, 2011, 07:52 PM
I've mentioned this before on here. Cultivate "The Look".

Practice looking dead serious. Not mean or angry- those are different expressions. "The Look" is something a lot of people who are usually very nice and sweet and easy going need to actually develop. The expression you are going for is one that says to the other person, "I hear you, I understand you, but now it is time for you to stop talking". With "The Look" use a lower and almost quiet, very serious voice to go with it.

Next time your hair is mentioned, stop everything you are doing. Do not smile. Do not laugh. Do not fidget. Stop, be still and using "The Look", give the person speaking your undivided attention. When she finishes the comment/lecture/ whatever, use the voice that goes with "The Look" and let her know, simply, in respectful but firm and polite wording that your hair is no longer up for discussion.

Don't apologize after you make it clear that your hair is no longer to be discussed. Don't smile, don't giggle or laugh. Just leave it at that and go back to what you were doing.
Brilliant, I shall practice this sounds promising!

Ew she's horrid!

Next time she's around, pull the bun out, wave your hair around slowly and giggle with cheer
ha ha i wished a dare!

Toilet brush!! Baaahahahhahahah!!!

I totally would have told her that - but that's me.

ITA with Gabriel - and don't forget to completely ignore her immediate next three sentences. :D it really does and a worn out one at that!


I had to read this twice because I can't believe it. I went through the same thing with my new boss a few months ago. I mean, really, the same thing, she's told me to cut my hair so it looks better and that I should tone down my personality because I'm too cheery and people might think I'm fake. After months of working with her I realized she's miserable with her life and she basically criticizes everyone and everything, I'm just another thing/person that happened to be in her way that day. Don't be insulted, just avoid situations where she can go off on a tangent and into personal territory. And she needs to get a reality check, people going to doctors' offices would much rather see a happy, positive nurse, than some somber faced dummy who looks like she sucks on pickles all day long. Don't make any smart comments, wait until you pass your probation, if you have one.

Sounds the same, the exact same. she is naturally miserable and ive noticed she sways from person to the other spreading her doom and gloom. I think its ridiculous to ask somebody to change their personality, we are what we are. I work in a brain injury unit and a lot of the patients have behavioral problems and can be quite abusive, however I put it down to approach and can honestly say ive never been swore at or abused in anyway by a patient. Yet misery guts is always being told to f**k off, so my cheeriness maybe isnt such a bad thing? I spoke to one of the other nurses and she thinks it a jealousy thing as she said all the staff like me and that its always a great atmosphere when i am on, plus theres a lot of new nurses and changes which she doesnt like but she still shouldnt take it out on staff. Later in the day after i "jokingly" told her she was doing my head in, she actually back peddled and suddenly became my best friend, i just went out of the office and pretended id not heard her.
Yeah on probation for another 2 months, will see how it goes maybe she is insecure with herself? but i will say something if she continues else she will drag my confidence down.


I wouldn't say anything rude, personally. Be the better person, even if she does look like a troll doll. :gabigrin:

ETA: And definitely use "the look"

i like the look idea too! id be too scared to say she looked like a troll doll, just say it in my head with a few other chosen colourful words ;)

allycat
July 27th, 2011, 07:58 PM
I'm with Gabriel too. I use The Look whenever someone thinks they're going to talk about something that's none of their business. I just blankly look at them, with an ever so slightly upraised brow. It's meant to convey a sort of "I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that." Then I just pointedly go back to whatever I was doing or talking about before.

As to questions or comments like "why do you like it" or "why don't you donate it" or "you're too old" from those kind of catty people I don't even like to even engage on the subject at all, because by engaging you're just letting them think the topic is open for discussion. And I'm not a person who makes my appearance open for discussion.

Mairéad
July 27th, 2011, 08:02 PM
Haha, that totally reminds me of this video, How To Avoid Talking To People You Dont Want To (warning - lots of 'dirty' words) : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wRXa971Xw0&feature=related


That is one of my most favorite videos on all of Youtube. It might get someone fired to do it at work though. But yes, dirty language galore. The "When the face doesn't work" video is outrageous funny though.

rusika1
July 27th, 2011, 08:07 PM
Nthing the "we are not amused" look.

You could always opt for the cheery "That's so funny, because I've always associated short hair with my mom and her friends--once they reached 50 they all ran to the beauty shop for a chop and dye job. It made me promise myself that I would age gracefully."

christine1989
July 27th, 2011, 08:11 PM
I nearly choked on my bite of cake when I read your description of her hair! :laugh: In my experience it's usually the women with the rattiest, most damaged hair who criticize your long hair. No good advice here but just wanted to say that you made me laugh so hard I nearly peed my pants.

MsBubbles
July 27th, 2011, 08:16 PM
Bear in mind her hair looks like a toilet brush which the rats have been nibbling on, ... If she wants to look like a troll doll, then she can go do it nothing to do with me!



she has a face like a slapped ass most of the time!
... she has a mouth like a cats bum ...

Man I'm rolling here. :laugh::lol::rollin: I would pay for tickets to see you say that to her face. But yeah don't get fired!

How totally irrelevant, uncalled for and unprofessional. The woman sounds miserable.

spidermom
July 27th, 2011, 08:18 PM
"Thanks for sharing. Now don't you have something to do WAY over there?"

Animae
July 27th, 2011, 08:24 PM
You said she kept pecking you on the head. Is she touching you? I'd tell her to keep her hands to herself and tell your superior what she is doing.

MiamiPineapple
July 27th, 2011, 08:26 PM
Someone is sippin' that Hater'ade!....

Sieren
July 27th, 2011, 08:35 PM
Nursing can be such a cesspool of b*tchery. Your hair is gorgeous and buns are in no way unprofessional. :rolleyes: Her treatment of you is the only thing not professional enough.

As a nurse for 2 and a half years, I have to agree with ya, Lixie...=P Thankfully *most* of my present co-workers are cool with my strangeness, but it sure gets noticed! And commented on...like its any of their business what I wear or how I do my hair LOL! I've only had good comments about my hair growing out so far, but I'm just waiting to see what they say when its tailbone length...=S
Try not to let it bother you jojo...if her hair looks like a toilet brush (LOL!!) she's probably just jealous of your gorgeous mane =)

kellinaturalmom
July 27th, 2011, 08:42 PM
Jojo, what a b****! Long hair is for everyone who wants it and don't listen to her or let her bring you down. You should get a pat on the back for all your hard work (taking care good care of your hair and your job!), not mean-spirited comments. I'm sure she's just jealous.

Delila
July 27th, 2011, 08:50 PM
You said she kept pecking you on the head. Is she touching you? ...

I think this is just metaphoric pecking. You know, coming out with unwanted, overly critical opinions, just to rattle someone's calm.

I think the OP should work on developing their 'head-nurse-personality skill set.' You know, being aware and pretty much in control of what's going on around you. Assessing personalities and managing conflict are part of it.

It's basically a matter of people skills and emotional maturity. Why more nurses don't cultivate them both I have no idea. They work in an ocean of people all day long, manage one crisis after another for hours on end, you'd think they'd be more self aware.

Lixie
July 27th, 2011, 08:57 PM
ha ha thats what I thought too cheery? it was quite funny as the assistants kept saying "whoa careful no laughing on the unit, its against the policy" you dont even see how long your hair is when its bunned, she needs to get a life and learn to smile herself. Was singing Lady Gaga's poker face all afternoon just to really annoy her, she has a face like a slapped ass most of the time!

I definitely want to visit your unit. :D Three cheers for supportive coworkers!

BlazingHeart
July 27th, 2011, 09:04 PM
When I'm being Ms. Nice and someone starts getting on my nerves - especially with critical opinions - I give them a deliberately, obviously false smile and say 'That's nice.' I usually then deliberately turn my body away from them to shut off the conversation.

No other reaction than that. And I do it every time they bring out the same opinion.

It's another method of telling someone to shut the f*** up, if The Face doesn't work for you. (er, another method one can get away with in the workplace, generally speaking)

~Blaze

archel
July 27th, 2011, 09:13 PM
Oh god! This makes me think of a great joke my mom used to tell.

Several ladies are sitting around on the veranda sipping their iced tea when one of them says, "My husband just paid for a brand new car for me." To which the last woman says, "that's nice." Another woman says, "well, MY husband just took me on a cruise to the Bahamas," to which the same woman replied, "that's nice." Another woman says, "MY husband just bought me a huge diamond ring. What has your husband done for you?" to the woman, who replied, "MY husband spent money to send me to finishing school, where they taught me to say 'that's nice' instead of '***** you.'"

HAHAHAHAHA

Lostsoule77
July 27th, 2011, 09:27 PM
This whole thread is cracking me up. Jojo, more nurses should try to be too cheerful! You have a hard job and if you can keep a smile on your face through it then that is great for you AND your patients. If she can't recognise that then she's got a problem besides her troll head.
As far as her comments on your hair, they are uncalled for and extremely unprofessional. I like Gabriel's idea of "the look". I think you just need to get that down and ignore her. Most importantly, DO NOT let her get you down. Nasty people like to get a rise out of others. If she sees that she can't get on out of you perhaps she won't bother you as often. :)

RitaPG
July 27th, 2011, 09:37 PM
Well, there are two ways of dealing with it, you can either take an annoyingly politically correct point, and say something like "thanks, I'll give it a thought" and go back to work. The trick is to give the same answer every single time.
Or you can take it with the biggest humour you can find in you.


she went on and on about how im way too old and the long hair makes me look older

If she doesn't know your age, ask her "and how old do you think I am? How can long hair make me look older, if old ladies cut their hair short all the time?"
Besides, how does she know your hair is long if it's always in a bun?


and is not professional enough
Why? Did it got stuck on your buttcrack? (do flash a large grin after saying this)



Bear in mind her hair looks like a toilet brush which the rats have been nibbling on, she cuts it herself with a razor, dyes it a mustard colour but id never, ever put somebody down like that. If she wants to look like a troll doll, then she can go do it nothing to do with me!

This screams of jealousy, she knows you look better. You think she would ever give you a compliment on a short haircut? NEVER! I met several girls/ladies that had long hair, the gents always compliment nice long hair. Once they cut it off, nobody gives them a second glance, they become almost invisible to the men that once complimented their hair, and other woman will say "that looks great" with a monochordic tone.
Sad truth: jealous females are b*tches, the only way to deal with it is to show them it doesn't bother you.



Apparently too I laugh too much and appear too cheery......mmmmmmmm thats a new one on me! I am always happy and don't see why I should change not only my hair style so she likes it and also my personality.

Clearly she is one of those that are only happy when the people around them are as miserable as they are. Give her a break, the poor lad. Tell her to chill, it's a lovely day.



As I see it as long as a nurse, I am professional and am not endangering the lives of my patients, why should my hair or personality be changed just based on her views. I made it very clear I am not cutting but why is this woman being a complete cow about these issues?

That is exactly what you need to tell that woman. Word by word.
You're a professional, and whether she likes it or not, your hair, your choice.

Anje
July 27th, 2011, 09:43 PM
My MIL's solution is to look at her and say, "Well, flit flot," and proceed with ignoring the person. I'm not aware of a comeback to "flit flot".

patienceneeded
July 27th, 2011, 09:50 PM
Yes, "The Look" is effective, as demonstrated by teachers everywhere. It does work, even on a room full of teenagers. :)

Just ignore the woman and take the high road. Nothing more annoying then when people won't stoop to your level.

gypsymoth
July 27th, 2011, 10:10 PM
I've been told that there are supposedly a lot of "bitches" in the nursing field, but I don't understand why, and is it really so true?

As a lot of other people have said, it sounds like she's jealous. She'd probably never admit it, but it seems that's how those uncompassionate, unhappy people enjoy being. It's sad that people can be so miserable with themselves. :(

Even though I think it would be great to shut her down with some sort of comeback, I'd suggest trying to resist doing so in an attacking or personal way, because that makes you seem like a worse person. Maybe it would be better to do what others have suggested and keep it as professional as possible. It would be a lot more admirable and probably affect her a lot more if she could see that her comments don't affect you to keep you from being your cheery, beautiful long-haired self. :p

QueenJoey
July 27th, 2011, 10:20 PM
If it's in a bun, then why should she care? And criticizing your personality?! That's just asking to get whopped, if you ask me.

lacefrost
July 27th, 2011, 10:23 PM
I would do The Look as mentioned earlier but say instead, "Your behavior is both disrespectful and unprofessional. You're old enough to know better." and leave it at that.

Helix
July 27th, 2011, 10:33 PM
Best response to this [insert your own adjective] is to look her in the eyes without any discernable expression on your face. Do not answer her, do not explain yourself (If she is not your mother, your partner or paying your mortgage you are not obligated to explain a darned thing). Just look at her until she feels uncomfortable and leaves on her own...she will get the message.

And why the hail does she think cheerfulness is a problem/unprofessional? I've never heard of a patient requesting a grumpy nurse. Have you?

Oh well *shrugs*

http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b172/ggf777/hatersgonhate.gif

battles
July 27th, 2011, 10:36 PM
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b172/ggf777/hatersgonhate.gif

Someone make a long haired version, please. :laugh:

Slinks
July 27th, 2011, 10:43 PM
Bear in mind her hair looks like a toilet brush which the rats have been nibbling on, she cuts it herself with a razor, dyes it a mustard colour but id never, ever put somebody down like that. If she wants to look like a troll doll, then she can go do it nothing to do with me!

.
:cheese::cheese::cheese: lol Jojo !! this just cracked me :eyebrows: .. If it makes you feel any better, I'm not good with comebacks either, ignore her .. what you know inside your head (Troll doll :lol:) she doesn't stand a chance !! :-) :pumpkin:

there are lots of fantastic responces .. love 'em all

ibleedlipstick
July 27th, 2011, 11:32 PM
Ignore her, unless you want to deal with HR. I'm working a seasonal position this summer, and one of the obese female managers here has it out for me, always making snipey comments about my clothing. She once said "Oh, your dress must have shrunk" with a little smirk on her face while looking up and down my body. It was a silk dress, not something that could have shrunk. It does create a hostile work environment, but I figure that she apparently has an issue with my size six body, when she is close to a size 24. It isn't worth going through the HR drama to file a complaint for a seasonal position, and she isn't my personal manager.

There are always going to be people that are going to want to destroy your day, and/or your confidence. You have two options: Grin and bear it, or file a complaint. Just remember that the person coming after you is probably doing it out of a personal insecurity. It isn't you, it is them. She sounds like a wretched old cow.

It still makes life miserable though, and for that I am sorry. :grouphug:

McFearless
July 27th, 2011, 11:32 PM
Next time a simple "Hey shut the f*** up" will do. You can't be classy all the time ;)

McFearless
July 27th, 2011, 11:36 PM
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b172/ggf777/hatersgonhate.gif
Oh my god.........
LOL

http://i54.tinypic.com/11lpevk.jpg

Rini
July 27th, 2011, 11:52 PM
Maybe try looking at her with great concern in your face and asking in a very grave voice: "are you alright? Is something the matter? are you feeling bad?". Then when she says that she's fine, you reply "oh, I just wondered why you were trying to make other people feel bad"......OR just flat out ask her how she thinks her words make other people feel. I have personally done the latter option to somebody who used to deliver veiled insults to me every time they saw me. One day I just stopped what I was doing and drew very plain and obvious attention to the exact words she had just used and forced her to examine them. We ended up having quite a good conversation and she never insulted me again.

Helix
July 27th, 2011, 11:58 PM
Next time a simple "Hey shut the f*** up" will do. You can't be classy all the time ;)

:spitting: You are so wrong for this! :laugh:

C.H.
July 28th, 2011, 12:32 AM
I'm sure this echos what other people have already said, but I find a couple of things effective in this kind of situation. First of all, keep in mind that this is really someone to be pitied. The only reason to put someone else down like this is if you are bitter and insecure. It really is sad that this is who she's become and God only knows what kinds of experiences or mistakes brought her to this point. So basically whatever drivel comes out of her mouth, you can be thinking, "I'm so sorry you feel the need to do this, how very sad for you."

You also might try complimenting her appearance from time to time. This will have the double effect of making her feel less insecure (therefore less of a need to put you down) and guilty about what she says to you. It will be very difficult for her to turn around and say "your hair is horrendous, cut it off!" right after you've told her you love her shoes or her earrings or whatever.

Finally, people make these kinds of comments because they want to get a response from you. They're not just talking to hear themselves speak, they want a reaction from someone. Well, don't give her a reaction. You can't ignore her entirely, because that would be disrespectful, but you can cultivate a totally blank/neutral look, just relax all the muscles in your face, and say nothing. At most, you can respond with the occasional shrug or just a vague neutral "hmm" if complete silence would come off as impertinent. She's going to get bored with these kinds of comments/rants and start to feel like an idiot continuing on with them if all she ever gets from you are a shrug and blank expression.

C.H.
July 28th, 2011, 12:32 AM
Nurses eat their young. Just wait until she retires- that's all you can do.

-Rosemary, the bitter and cynical nurse

Sounds like Nurse Jackie.

wtchmel
July 28th, 2011, 01:53 AM
I am floored when i read posts like this. I'm shocked acutally, that someone would say this to someone. I can't imagine. This has never happened to me and don't imagine it ever will.
I agree with others, shes more then likely jealous and definetly a hater, and negative. Steer clear.

AshleyTheRed
July 28th, 2011, 02:14 AM
My grandmother was a nurse for years. I actually asked her about my long hair, because I plan on becoming a nurse. Her exact words were, "Keep it off your shoulders and you will be fine. If anyone says anything just smile, nod, and ignore them. After a while they'll learn to deal with it and you in general. As long as you don't act stupid they will ignore you. If you do they will eat you like sharks.... Anything else? But make sure you want my advice. Remember I'm known as Granny, The Wicked Witch of the South."

I laughed for HOURS.

Raqdoll
July 28th, 2011, 02:21 AM
I wonder if telling her it's fake will make her go away?

Seriously though, there is some very good advice on this thread - everything from learning 'The Look' to Rini's comment about how to let the offender know that they're being offensive.

Best of luck!

alwayssmiling
July 28th, 2011, 02:34 AM
Sometimes when people are in a senior post it just goes to their head and some people speak their opinions without putting their brain in gear - a bun is perfectly acceptable and professional, and as far being too cheerful .......seriously? If someone said that to me, their future opinions would become completely irrelevant - she's not the best team leader is she? Best revenge is to enjoy are lovely long hair, and when you have the opportunity you could really flaunt it in front of her. I think she may have a touch of the green eyed monster.

Elenna
July 28th, 2011, 02:39 AM
She could be trying to make you lose your job. Since you are on probation, how about just ignoring her and keeping it professional. I don't think that you want to say something clever only to have her complain to HR about you. It does happen. She is NOT worth it.

C.H.
July 28th, 2011, 02:41 AM
Maybe try looking at her with great concern in your face and asking in a very grave voice: "are you alright? Is something the matter? are you feeling bad?". Then when she says that she's fine, you reply "oh, I just wondered why you were trying to make other people feel bad"......OR just flat out ask her how she thinks her words make other people feel. I have personally done the latter option to somebody who used to deliver veiled insults to me every time they saw me. One day I just stopped what I was doing and drew very plain and obvious attention to the exact words she had just used and forced her to examine them. We ended up having quite a good conversation and she never insulted me again.

I have had success with this as well. I had a cousin who is generally a nice guy but for some reason felt the need to ridicule me (actually I'm sure he learned this behavior from other family members). One day I came from out of town for a visit, and about 10 seconds after I walked into the house and was passing through the living room where he and his girlfriend were sitting, he saw me and said for no apparent reason. "C.H., you're weird. Did you know you're weird?" In a totally serious way.

And instead of defending myself, playing along, or acting like I didn't care like I would normally do, I looked him directly in the eyes and said with total sincerity, "M., why would you belittle me? What do you have to gain?" He said nothing and I continued on my way. But since that day he has never said another unkind word to me.

Eolan
July 28th, 2011, 03:16 AM
I've mentioned this before on here. Cultivate "The Look".

Practice looking dead serious. Not mean or angry- those are different expressions. "The Look" is something a lot of people who are usually very nice and sweet and easy going need to actually develop. The expression you are going for is one that says to the other person, "I hear you, I understand you, but now it is time for you to stop talking". With "The Look" use a lower and almost quiet, very serious voice to go with it.

Next time your hair is mentioned, stop everything you are doing. Do not smile. Do not laugh. Do not fidget. Stop, be still and using "The Look", give the person speaking your undivided attention. When she finishes the comment/lecture/ whatever, use the voice that goes with "The Look" and let her know, simply, in respectful but firm and polite wording that your hair is no longer up for discussion.

Don't apologize after you make it clear that your hair is no longer to be discussed. Don't smile, don't giggle or laugh. Just leave it at that and go back to what you were doing.

Gabriel, I get a little scared just from reading this, and I haven't even done something bad! :silly: I think this is great advice. :D


And instead of defending myself, playing along, or acting like I didn't care like I would normally do, I looked him directly in the eyes and said with total sincerity, "M., why would you belittle me? What do you have to gain?" He said nothing and I continued on my way. But since that day he has never said another unkind word to me.

I was about to say something like this. (Well done, btw, C.H.!) I would just ask her why she thought it was okay to speak to me like that. Like: "Why is it you think that it is okay for you to say such a thing to me?" People sometimes don't reflect or understand what they are doing or saying, and needs to get direct attention to their behaviour.

Anyway, jojo, you're right and she's wrong. I hope she somehow realises that soon.

mrs_coffee
July 28th, 2011, 04:27 AM
Originally Posted by pepperedmoth
Nurses eat their young.

Brent is a nurse and says that all the time. He's the only male nurse in the OR, so he manages to stay above the fray. He's usually the one new nurses latch onto because he's the only one who doesn't try to make life as difficult as possible for them. It's really weird how mean some of the older nurses can be.

I don't know why this one seems to care so much about your hair, Jojo. It has nothing to do with her and isn't hurting your job performance. I'd either ignore her or thank her for her opinion and THEN ignore her.


Haha, that totally reminds me of this video, How To Avoid Talking To People You Dont Want To (warning - lots of 'dirty' words) : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wRXa971Xw0&feature=related

I love JennaMarbles. She's hilarious.

swetiepeti
July 28th, 2011, 05:16 AM
only slightly off topic but since it's been brought up repeatedly on this thread I'm considering it fair game. Sorry in advance for the slight hijacking of your thread. I wish you well and happier times until you finsih probation.
I'm a nurse and I'm a strong believer in not "eating our young". I'm also a senior nurse at night although not the charge RN (they keep asking, I've spent years just saying "no"). I bend over backwards to help newer RN's (they finally took my advice and stopped hiring fresh out of school for the Pediatric ICU). The downside is I've ended up as the unofficial mentor to several nurses at a time. I also get stopped and asked questions probably a dozen times a night by sometimes a handful of nurses. When I get frustrated with the time suck and multiple interuptions, I just remind myself that it's better they ask than that they assume. On the plus side the night shift, including new to our unit are a very cohesive friendly group. I'm trying to keep it that way as I have five years left until I plan to retire and like you I'm generally a happy, chipper type person at work and prefer to be surrounded by the same. The other downside is I've become the permanent cross trainer for when other units send an RN over to us for two days to train for when they float to us. Why, because the silly things kept sending letters to my boss telling her what a wonderful stress free experience they had. On the plus side, when I see a floor nurse with potential I have not a qualm seeing if she/he'd like to try the PICU side of the house

Nae
July 28th, 2011, 05:41 AM
This is how I see it, and you may take some comfort in it, I am not sure. I think you are probably driving her crazy. (And I think you should keep it up.)

Imagine it, you are a naturally grumpy person, who likes things "serious." You just looked at your hair in the mirror before you went to work and know very well that it looks a bit damaged. You may be grumbling to yourself about a myriad of annoyances and in comes the new kid......jojo.

Of course with your bubbly personality you catch her attention right away.

"Jeez, she is SO happy ALL of the time. Grrr. She jokes with patients and the other nurses and gets a good response! These people should be more serious!! We are working with sick people here!!! They need quiet and rest! These patients don't know what is best for them!!! Grrr, everybody likes her! Nobody ever jokes around with me like that."

"I think I will just take her down a notch or two."

So she grabs onto your personality because your are so different from her, and she grabs onto your hairstyle because it also points you out as different from her. I think the best thing is to stay cheery, keep professional, cultivate "the look," and take comfort in knowing you are unwittingly getting under her skin, just by being your fabulous self.

vanity_acefake
July 28th, 2011, 06:22 AM
I am sorry you are having to deal with this horrible person.
I agree with all that the other posters have said.
Old bog brush head is obviously a miserable person who has a crappy life and even crappier hair. She looks in the mirror and probably hates herself.
Along comes you with your beautiful, long, healthy, smooth hair tied neatly away in a bun, happy and enjoying life.
This makes her feel worse so obviously she must drag you down to make herself feel better.
I would wait until your probation is up before you say anything.
Then follow all the fabulous advice and make her know that her bitchy comments do not bother you one bit.
Remember sticks and stones.
:grouphug:

embee
July 28th, 2011, 06:25 AM
I have never understood why some people want to make the worksplace even more stressful than it is. Just does not make sense to me.

The Look is the response I prefer to cultivate, although when I'm attacked it doesn't always come to mind right off. I need to work on it....

I've been in hospital and a bitchy nurse is a real downer. On the other hand, when one feels like c**p, a jokey cheerful person can be a bit much. Still, better than a grump. :)

jojo
July 28th, 2011, 06:26 AM
You could also just tell her straight up that you find her insinuations offensive... it's the truth. I am thinking of asking herto explain further why she feels the need to say this.


This! In a related vein, my mom (who amusingly enough was also considered "too cheerful" by some of her co-workers) was a Master of The Look and was once praised by for "being able to essentially tell someone to go to H*!! and have them thank you for it". Jojo, you are an awesome lady with beautiful hair - don't let a frumpy grump give you any grief!
thank you,

I nearly choked on my bite of cake when I read your description of her hair! :laugh: In my experience it's usually the women with the rattiest, most damaged hair who criticize your long hair. No good advice here but just wanted to say that you made me laugh so hard I nearly peed my pants. this is very true!


I'm with Gabriel too. I use The Look whenever someone thinks they're going to talk about something that's none of their business. I just blankly look at them, with an ever so slightly upraised brow. It's meant to convey a sort of "I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that." Then I just pointedly go back to whatever I was doing or talking about before.

As to questions or comments like "why do you like it" or "why don't you donate it" or "you're too old" from those kind of catty people I don't even like to even engage on the subject at all, because by engaging you're just letting them think the topic is open for discussion. And I'm not a person who makes my appearance open for discussion. my thoughts too, how does my hair interfere with my work?


Man I'm rolling here. :laugh::lol::rollin: I would pay for tickets to see you say that to her face. But yeah don't get fired!

How totally irrelevant, uncalled for and unprofessional. The woman sounds miserable. she is very miserable, as a senior nurse she has limited skills and ive come over from renal with transferable skills which i feel she is a tad jealous of. I am thinking she is reflecting on herself as a nurse and feels threatened by what i can actually do. The other day she tried pulling me on how i take bloods saying i should use a normal syrine and not a vacumtaner I basically said, that it was dangerous to take bloods that way and that i practice the safe way as ive been taught best thing is she cant take bloods, shes never done the training for it, so she needs to butt out of my practice. There are loads of new nurses who have started and i think she feels threatened.


"Thanks for sharing. Now don't you have something to do WAY over there?"
ha ha! nice one i can see myself doing this!

You said she kept pecking you on the head. Is she touching you? I'd tell her to keep her hands to herself and tell your superior what she is doing.
not literally its a UK term for like following you around and keep having a go at you!

As a nurse for 2 and a half years, I have to agree with ya, Lixie...=P Thankfully *most* of my present co-workers are cool with my strangeness, but it sure gets noticed! And commented on...like its any of their business what I wear or how I do my hair LOL! I've only had good comments about my hair growing out so far, but I'm just waiting to see what they say when its tailbone length...=S
Try not to let it bother you jojo...if her hair looks like a toilet brush (LOL!!) she's probably just jealous of your gorgeous mane =)
I think so too but she has only ever seen it up so really has no idea what my hair looks like under its bun!

Jojo, what a b****! Long hair is for everyone who wants it and don't listen to her or let her bring you down. You should get a pat on the back for all your hard work (taking care good care of your hair and your job!), not mean-spirited comments. I'm sure she's just jealous.
I know i really feel like saying to her, what does my hair have to do with my nursing? its up and not dangling in wounds or anything, she needs to get a grip and get off her high horse. I feel she is power mad and trying to assert authority to us new ones but were all pretty strong characters so maybe she feels a little out of her depth!

I think this is just metaphoric pecking. You know, coming out with unwanted, overly critical opinions, just to rattle someone's calm.

I think the OP should work on developing their 'head-nurse-personality skill set.' You know, being aware and pretty much in control of what's going on around you. Assessing personalities and managing conflict are part of it.

It's basically a matter of people skills and emotional maturity. Why more nurses don't cultivate them both I have no idea. They work in an ocean of people all day long, manage one crisis after another for hours on end, you'd think they'd be more self aware.
agreed, thing is she has no skills clinically or personal and i think this is whats getting to her, she probably reflects on her own abilities and sees this.

When I'm being Ms. Nice and someone starts getting on my nerves - especially with critical opinions - I give them a deliberately, obviously false smile and say 'That's nice.' I usually then deliberately turn my body away from them to shut off the conversation.

No other reaction than that. And I do it every time they bring out the same opinion.

It's another method of telling someone to shut the f*** up, if The Face doesn't work for you. (er, another method one can get away with in the workplace, generally speaking)

~Blaze ha ha i do this too!


Oh god! This makes me think of a great joke my mom used to tell.

Several ladies are sitting around on the veranda sipping their iced tea when one of them says, "My husband just paid for a brand new car for me." To which the last woman says, "that's nice." Another woman says, "well, MY husband just took me on a cruise to the Bahamas," to which the same woman replied, "that's nice." Another woman says, "MY husband just bought me a huge diamond ring. What has your husband done for you?" to the woman, who replied, "MY husband spent money to send me to finishing school, where they taught me to say 'that's nice' instead of '***** you.'"

HAHAHAHAHAha ha!!


This whole thread is cracking me up. Jojo, more nurses should try to be too cheerful! You have a hard job and if you can keep a smile on your face through it then that is great for you AND your patients. If she can't recognise that then she's got a problem besides her troll head.
As far as her comments on your hair, they are uncalled for and extremely unprofessional. I like Gabriel's idea of "the look". I think you just need to get that down and ignore her. Most importantly, DO NOT let her get you down. Nasty people like to get a rise out of others. If she sees that she can't get on out of you perhaps she won't bother you as often. :) well it makes me want to do it more just to annoy her, i wont but im not changing my personality to fit in with her expectations. She speaks horrible to people visitors, doctors even patients shes a bit abrupt with. Thats not my way, i have a scrap book full of thank you cards of patients and student nurses ive mentored in the past praising me for my skills and compassion and nearly every one says to the words of "one thing we will never forget is no matter what you always have a smile on your face!" no one ever said if only you'd cut your hair you would be better!


Well, there are two ways of dealing with it, you can either take an annoyingly politically correct point, and say something like "thanks, I'll give it a thought" and go back to work. The trick is to give the same answer every single time.
Or you can take it with the biggest humour you can find in you.



If she doesn't know your age, ask her "and how old do you think I am? How can long hair make me look older, if old ladies cut their hair short all the time?"
Besides, how does she know your hair is long if it's always in a bun?


Why? Did it got stuck on your buttcrack? (do flash a large grin after saying this)


This screams of jealousy, she knows you look better. You think she would ever give you a compliment on a short haircut? NEVER! I met several girls/ladies that had long hair, the gents always compliment nice long hair. Once they cut it off, nobody gives them a second glance, they become almost invisible to the men that once complimented their hair, and other woman will say "that looks great" with a monochordic tone.
Sad truth: jealous females are b*tches, the only way to deal with it is to show them it doesn't bother you.


Clearly she is one of those that are only happy when the people around them are as miserable as they are. Give her a break, the poor lad. Tell her to chill, it's a lovely day.


That is exactly what you need to tell that woman. Word by word.
You're a professional, and whether she likes it or not, your hair, your choice. I did say how old do you think i am she said 27 ha ha im like 42! so that throws the theory long hair makes you look older theory out of the water!

jojo
July 28th, 2011, 06:28 AM
My MIL's solution is to look at her and say, "Well, flit flot," and proceed with ignoring the person. I'm not aware of a comeback to "flit flot".
flit flot ha ha love it!

Yes, "The Look" is effective, as demonstrated by teachers everywhere. It does work, even on a room full of teenagers. :)

Just ignore the woman and take the high road. Nothing more annoying then when people won't stoop to your level.
the look is one im definitely going to try!

I've been told that there are supposedly a lot of "bitches" in the nursing field, but I don't understand why, and is it really so true? theres loads all too busy putting others down to inflate their own egos. I left my last place due to bullying but that was nearly all the staff. You just learn to switch off, but i dont feel bullied and if i did i made a promise to myself nobody would ever make me feel like that again i would tell her to back off.

As a lot of other people have said, it sounds like she's jealous. She'd probably never admit it, but it seems that's how those uncompassionate, unhappy people enjoy being. It's sad that people can be so miserable with themselves. :(
very true!
Even though I think it would be great to shut her down with some sort of comeback, I'd suggest trying to resist doing so in an attacking or personal way, because that makes you seem like a worse person. Maybe it would be better to do what others have suggested and keep it as professional as possible. It would be a lot more admirable and probably affect her a lot more if she could see that her comments don't affect you to keep you from being your cheery, beautiful long-haired self. :p
im a professional at the end of the day but i would tell her to get off my back if she continued with this. She will probably move on once she realises this.

If it's in a bun, then why should she care? And criticizing your personality?! That's just asking to get whopped, if you ask me.agreed


I would do The Look as mentioned earlier but say instead, "Your behavior is both disrespectful and unprofessional. You're old enough to know better." and leave it at that.
yes this is on my list of things to say!

Best response to this [insert your own adjective] is to look her in the eyes without any discernable expression on your face. Do not answer her, do not explain yourself (If she is not your mother, your partner or paying your mortgage you are not obligated to explain a darned thing). Just look at her until she feels uncomfortable and leaves on her own...she will get the message.

And why the hail does she think cheerfulness is a problem/unprofessional? I've never heard of a patient requesting a grumpy nurse. Have you?

Oh well

http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b172/ggf777/hatersgonhate.gif me neither!


:cheese::cheese::cheese: lol Jojo !! this just cracked me :eyebrows: .. If it makes you feel any better, I'm not good with comebacks either, ignore her .. what you know inside your head (Troll doll :lol:) she doesn't stand a chance !! :-)

there are lots of fantastic responces .. love 'em all some excellent ones!


Ignore her, unless you want to deal with HR. I'm working a seasonal position this summer, and one of the obese female managers here has it out for me, always making snipey comments about my clothing. She once said "Oh, your dress must have shrunk" with a little smirk on her face while looking up and down my body. It was a silk dress, not something that could have shrunk. It does create a hostile work environment, but I figure that she apparently has an issue with my size six body, when she is close to a size 24. It isn't worth going through the HR drama to file a complaint for a seasonal position, and she isn't my personal manager.

There are always going to be people that are going to want to destroy your day, and/or your confidence. You have two options: Grin and bear it, or file a complaint. Just remember that the person coming after you is probably doing it out of a personal insecurity. It isn't you, it is them. She sounds like a wretched old cow.

It still makes life miserable though, and for that I am sorry. :grouphug: jealousy again, humans are sure strange at times!

jojo
July 28th, 2011, 06:29 AM
Next time a simple "Hey shut the f*** up" will do. You can't be classy all the time ;)
oh i wish!

Maybe try looking at her with great concern in your face and asking in a very grave voice: "are you alright? Is something the matter? are you feeling bad?". Then when she says that she's fine, you reply "oh, I just wondered why you were trying to make other people feel bad"......OR just flat out ask her how she thinks her words make other people feel. I have personally done the latter option to somebody who used to deliver veiled insults to me every time they saw me. One day I just stopped what I was doing and drew very plain and obvious attention to the exact words she had just used and forced her to examine them. We ended up having quite a good conversation and she never insulted me again. I really like this and am going to use this along with the look.


I'm sure this echos what other people have already said, but I find a couple of things effective in this kind of situation. First of all, keep in mind that this is really someone to be pitied. The only reason to put someone else down like this is if you are bitter and insecure. It really is sad that this is who she's become and God only knows what kinds of experiences or mistakes brought her to this point. So basically whatever drivel comes out of her mouth, you can be thinking, "I'm so sorry you feel the need to do this, how very sad for you."

You also might try complimenting her appearance from time to time. This will have the double effect of making her feel less insecure (therefore less of a need to put you down) and guilty about what she says to you. It will be very difficult for her to turn around and say "your hair is horrendous, cut it off!" right after you've told her you love her shoes or her earrings or whatever.

Finally, people make these kinds of comments because they want to get a response from you. They're not just talking to hear themselves speak, they want a reaction from someone. Well, don't give her a reaction. You can't ignore her entirely, because that would be disrespectful, but you can cultivate a totally blank/neutral look, just relax all the muscles in your face, and say nothing. At most, you can respond with the occasional shrug or just a vague neutral "hmm" if complete silence would come off as impertinent. She's going to get bored with these kinds of comments/rants and start to feel like an idiot continuing on with them if all she ever gets from you are a shrug and blank expression.


I am floored when i read posts like this. I'm shocked acutally, that someone would say this to someone. I can't imagine. This has never happened to me and don't imagine it ever will.
I agree with others, shes more then likely jealous and definetly a hater, and negative. Steer clear. good advise


My grandmother was a nurse for years. I actually asked her about my long hair, because I plan on becoming a nurse. Her exact words were, "Keep it off your shoulders and you will be fine. If anyone says anything just smile, nod, and ignore them. After a while they'll learn to deal with it and you in general. As long as you don't act stupid they will ignore you. If you do they will eat you like sharks.... Anything else? But make sure you want my advice. Remember I'm known as Granny, The Wicked Witch of the South."

I laughed for HOURS. your granny is a wise woman


I wonder if telling her it's fake will make her go away?

Seriously though, there is some very good advice on this thread - everything from learning 'The Look' to Rini's comment about how to let the offender know that they're being offensive.

Best of luck! she cant even see it, its up 100% of the time at work, shes just a cow who needs go and chew some hay to be honest!


Sometimes when people are in a senior post it just goes to their head and some people speak their opinions without putting their brain in gear - a bun is perfectly acceptable and professional, and as far being too cheerful .......seriously? If someone said that to me, their future opinions would become completely irrelevant - she's not the best team leader is she? Best revenge is to enjoy are lovely long hair, and when you have the opportunity you could really flaunt it in front of her. I think she may have a touch of the green eyed monster.
i said this yesterday to a nurse shes just an egotistic jumped up little control freak who really needs to pull her head out of her back side and accept people for their differences, isnt that what nurses do? i dont judge nobody and accept and welcome differences. Shes just a sad person.

She could be trying to make you lose your job. Since you are on probation, how about just ignoring her and keeping it professional. I don't think that you want to say something clever only to have her complain to HR about you. It does happen. She is NOT worth it.
No she doesnt have the power to do this, were both staff nurses, my qualification and skills are higher than hers and she knows it. she is like this with another new staff nurse who has 20 odd years experience in ICU, she does the look come to think of it. she actually advised to visulise in my head miss grumpy nurse with a penis sticking out of her head!!! ha ha!



only slightly off topic but since it's been brought up repeatedly on this thread I'm considering it fair game. Sorry in advance for the slight hijacking of your thread. I wish you well and happier times until you finsih probation.
I'm a nurse and I'm a strong believer in not "eating our young". I'm also a senior nurse at night although not the charge RN (they keep asking, I've spent years just saying "no"). I bend over backwards to help newer RN's (they finally took my advice and stopped hiring fresh out of school for the Pediatric ICU). The downside is I've ended up as the unofficial mentor to several nurses at a time. I also get stopped and asked questions probably a dozen times a night by sometimes a handful of nurses. When I get frustrated with the time suck and multiple interuptions, I just remind myself that it's better they ask than that they assume. On the plus side the night shift, including new to our unit are a very cohesive friendly group. I'm trying to keep it that way as I have five years left until I plan to retire and like you I'm generally a happy, chipper type person at work and prefer to be surrounded by the same. The other downside is I've become the permanent cross trainer for when other units send an RN over to us for two days to train for when they float to us. Why, because the silly things kept sending letters to my boss telling her what a wonderful stress free experience they had. On the plus side, when I see a floor nurse with potential I have not a qualm seeing if she/he'd like to try the PICU side of the house

I was the nurse in charge at my last ward and always made a point of making people welcome. I feel happy nurses are safe nurses. Its a pity some people lack empathy skills, then maybe she could put her self in my shoes ive come from a different specialty into neurology, she cant pull me for my skills so she is trying to knock my confidence by attacking my hair and personality which is unprofessional and to be blunt very rude. I am due an appraisal in September and will be bringing a few issues of my own up. They also have problems retaining staff, im begining to see why! though have to say all the rest of the staff are brilliant, best team ive ever worked for, so she wont win!

Lisa R
July 28th, 2011, 06:34 AM
Hi Jojo,

I'm sorry that a co-worker is being horrible towards you.

There is a lot of good advice given!

When I see someone with lots of attitude or is horrible towards people in general or a real grump I have come to understand that those people are generally hurting or have been hurt badly to make them carry on like that.

I think you shouldn't say anything bad back to her as that will only take you down to her level. Keep turning the other cheek and stay the cheerful long haired person you are! You never know, you may one day find out why she is the way she is. There are always reasons why people are the way they are.

Chin up!

AnqeIicDemise
July 28th, 2011, 07:05 AM
That's something Iv'e come to notice. Its not just nurses, its mostly any female staff in a hospital. My own reception days were surrounded by hateful, spiteful, rude wenches who had a bone to pick with the company for having bought out the practice. I was one of 'THEM' (i.e evil corps) because I was the first girl hired after the changeover.

Sadly, I was in my early twenties and couldn't defend myself. I was pushed out of the job due to their childish behavior (Who the hell thinks its a wise idea to hide patient files to make the newbie look bad?!)

I'm now 27, married and full of confidence. Someone tried telling me I was too perky in my last job and I gave them "the look", let a beat of silence fall between us before saying "I rather live and enjoy my life than die knowing I had lived in misery as a cantankerous old fart." I then went back to my book.

Needless to say, that woman never bothered me after that. She just kind of did the whole silent 'ooh... kaaay..' thing and walked away.

spidermom
July 28th, 2011, 09:23 AM
I thought later of amending my suggestion to "thanks for sharing your opinion about my (hair, personality ....... whatever it is she's saying)" and leaving it at that.

In assertiveness training, one of the techniques we were taught is parroting. Decide what you're going to say, and say exactly that every single time.

ChristyM
July 28th, 2011, 09:35 AM
Bear in mind her hair looks like a toilet brush which the rats have been nibbling on, she cuts it herself with a razor, dyes it a mustard colour but id never, ever put somebody down like that. If she wants to look like a troll doll, then she can go do it nothing to do with me!

Hi Jojo,
Sorry you have to put up with such a cow... I can't believe someone would say this to anyone. What business is it of there's how long your hair is!!! At least you don't have a purple mohawk.

It's to bad that you can't tell her about her toilet brush hair do. That made me laugh out loud..


Tell her how much fun it is when your husband uses them as reins?

Monsterna - I love this comment. That would be awesome to say. I'm putting that one in my back pocket. :)

RitaPG
July 28th, 2011, 09:59 AM
I thought later of amending my suggestion to "thanks for sharing your opinion about my (hair, personality ....... whatever it is she's saying)" and leaving it at that.

In assertiveness training, one of the techniques we were taught is parroting. Decide what you're going to say, and say exactly that every single time.
I used to take a funny approach to unwanted opinions, but this is really effective at alienating someone.

Slinks
July 28th, 2011, 03:34 PM
This is how I see it, and you may take some comfort in it, I am not sure. I think you are probably driving her crazy. (And I think you should keep it up.)

Imagine it, you are a naturally grumpy person, who likes things "serious." You just looked at your hair in the mirror before you went to work and know very well that it looks a bit damaged. You may be grumbling to yourself about a myriad of annoyances and in comes the new kid......jojo.

Of course with your bubbly personality you catch her attention right away.

"Jeez, she is SO happy ALL of the time. Grrr. She jokes with patients and the other nurses and gets a good response! These people should be more serious!! We are working with sick people here!!! They need quiet and rest! These patients don't know what is best for them!!! Grrr, everybody likes her! Nobody ever jokes around with me like that."

"I think I will just take her down a notch or two."

So she grabs onto your personality because your are so different from her, and she grabs onto your hairstyle because it also points you out as different from her. I think the best thing is to stay cheery, keep professional, cultivate "the look," and take comfort in knowing you are unwittingly getting under her skin, just by being your fabulous self.

I like this one :-)

Amber_Maiden
July 28th, 2011, 03:42 PM
Jealousy. Plain old jealousy. :(

In high school people used to put paper clips, you know those big black clips made of metal, in my hair- and my hair is so thick I didn't know they were there... and I'd walk around with them in my hair until a teacher would tell me, or I'd notice, Finally... People do mean things... Because they themselves are insecure and jealous. Tell her to grow up and stop acting like a teenager.

dragonchickx
July 28th, 2011, 03:44 PM
My mom gets a lot of crap she is a nurse as well, a very good one at that, just like you. I think you know what to do : ).... why do women have tendency to get on other womens nerves unlike men!!! :c!!!! I really really hate drama you'd think everyone else would also!

jojo
July 28th, 2011, 03:57 PM
Aww thank you everybody for your support and great advice. I am going to put it down to experience, im anoyed at her making personal remarks that bear no reflection, big headed as it sounds i am a good nurse and she obviously jealous to how i work. I am going to continue as i do; long hair and all and if any more comments are made that are not relevant to my role, then i am going to ask for a quiet word in private and ask her what her problem is. watch this space!

elbow chic
July 28th, 2011, 04:02 PM
I didn't read the thread, but that sounds very annoying. I'm sort of passive and usually if something like that comes up I'm like, "oh, yes, that's an interesting idea..." I used to know a lady who would call me out about my two closely-spaced children and ask if I had considered birth control.

"oh, why, that IS an interesting idea..."

then I got pregnant with #3 and she really flipped out. "Your husband needs to get snipped right now!" (bear in mind, I did not actually really know this woman.)

"oh, yes, I'll think about it..."

Ah, humanity.

Bast
July 28th, 2011, 04:23 PM
"So kind of you to take an interest" then either change the subject or walk away.

And, I'd also start documenting this stuff, just in case. This could be minor jealousy of your hair and attitude about work and life, but there is also a chance that it could be a sign of something bigger and having things documented will be very useful if you have to go to her supervisor or human resources. Otherwise it's just a "he said, she said" situation and that only makes people even more unhappy, with no resolution. (I'm paranoid, what can I say.)

jojo
July 28th, 2011, 04:44 PM
I thought later of amending my suggestion to "thanks for sharing your opinion about my (hair, personality ....... whatever it is she's saying)" and leaving it at that.

In assertiveness training, one of the techniques we were taught is parroting. Decide what you're going to say, and say exactly that every single time.

this is actually a very clever suggestion and you know what; im gonna do this!

ktani
July 28th, 2011, 04:48 PM
this is actually a very clever suggestion and you know what; im gonna do this!

I agree with this completely. Someone once tried the same thing with me (saying that I should cut my hair) years ago. I just said "Thank you." It left them speechless.

jojo
July 28th, 2011, 05:34 PM
^^ gee why do people think we want their opinion? but i like this suggestion, like how do you answer that! feel like wearing a braid to work and turning round quick so it smacks her in the face!

I wonder how she would react if i insulted her hairstyle or personality? i might just say "actually the "oh my hairdresser cut my hair in the dark" hair style doesnt really appeal!

archel
July 28th, 2011, 05:38 PM
You know, at this point if it was me, I'd wear it half up (safe enough because it's not in the way of my work) and oil the free ends all luscious and lovely and let her just EAT HER JEALOUSY all day.

But I'm a hag like that. ;-)

Slinks
July 28th, 2011, 05:41 PM
^^ feel like wearing a braid to work and turning round quick so it smacks her in the face!

!

:lol: Jojo !! :cheese:

spidermom
July 28th, 2011, 05:41 PM
It's so tempting to flip the insults back at someone! "You're hair is too long." "Really? Well, you're too fat."

It's better to rise above it if you can, I think. Being nice instead of defensive confuses the hell out of them!

ktani
July 28th, 2011, 05:44 PM
Agreed on this too. Many times such comments are meant to provoke a specific kind of reaction. When it is not given, the "game" ends.

ktani
July 28th, 2011, 05:57 PM
There is something very "twisted" about this woman who "pecks" at you. She wants to upset you, which she has succeeded in doing.

The less you engage her the better. She will find another source of "amusement". She needs a target to satisfy whatever demons she is dealing with. Such people usually do. It is a sickness and you are just the "flavour of the month".

Lollipop
July 28th, 2011, 09:24 PM
Haha, that totally reminds me of this video, How To Avoid Talking To People You Dont Want To (warning - lots of 'dirty' words) : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wRXa971Xw0&feature=related


That made me laugh soooo much!!!

ChristyM
July 29th, 2011, 09:04 AM
Haha, that totally reminds me of this video, How To Avoid Talking To People You Dont Want To (warning - lots of 'dirty' words) : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wRXa971Xw0&feature=related


Great video. Hilarious :D

Babyfine
July 29th, 2011, 09:32 AM
Toilet Brush!!Bwahahaha!! Made me spit coffee all over my keyboard!
I'm sorry this woman is so insulting. Is this your superior? Is this someone who can get you fired? If it isn't I really like Rini's response.
If she is, I guess you may have to grin and bear it(ugh).
For the record, I've seen nurses around here with long hair in updos all the time, One works in our local hospital, she's at least 40, with hair always put up in an elegant do. I don't know what the big deal is, as long as hair is contained and out of the way, how's it any different than short hair?
Your hair is gorgeous, she's probably jealous.

Anje
July 29th, 2011, 09:41 AM
I'm sure the more restrained answer to her, the better. However, I'd have a hard time resisting saying something like:

"Clearly we have different ideas on what hairstyles look good."

teal
July 29th, 2011, 10:28 AM
After having read some of the other responses, I think the best revenge will be to kill her with kindness, and then when she stops bothering you, flush out her new game and take them under your wings.

Edit: I guess it's not really "revenge" at all.

jojo
July 29th, 2011, 03:18 PM
It's so tempting to flip the insults back at someone! "You're hair is too long." "Really? Well, you're too fat."

It's better to rise above it if you can, I think. Being nice instead of defensive confuses the hell out of them!

yeah lowering someones expectations works wonders, im quite evil and get a kick out of doing that!

jojo
July 29th, 2011, 03:24 PM
Toilet Brush!!Bwahahaha!! Made me spit coffee all over my keyboard!
I'm sorry this woman is so insulting. Is this your superior? Is this someone who can get you fired? If it isn't I really like Rini's response.
If she is, I guess you may have to grin and bear it(ugh).
For the record, I've seen nurses around here with long hair in updos all the time, One works in our local hospital, she's at least 40, with hair always put up in an elegant do. I don't know what the big deal is, as long as hair is contained and out of the way, how's it any different than short hair?
Your hair is gorgeous, she's probably jealous.

I am more qualified than she is which i think the other issue is but she is lead nurse so she thinks she is better. She likes to flirt round the Dr's you know the sort ;). I get the feeling she feels a little intimidated by me as I speak my mind. A few occasions she has questioned my clinical skills for e.g. venepuncture. The way she tried to have me take bloods was not only old fashioned but dangerous and i told her as much, joke is she dont even take bloods! so i think her comment about my hair and personality was a way of knocking me down a bit. She really is a pathetic cow who needs to grow up and appreciate peoples differences.

trilobite
July 29th, 2011, 03:41 PM
This is clearly something with her, maybe she had a wicked stepmother with a bun (that was mean, sorry). Even people who don't like my long hair don't mention it more than once because they are being reasonable and letting me make my own choices. There is an awesome book from the 1980s called "the Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense" and is basically recommends that when dealing with people who are not being reasonable just pretend your are Mr. Spock (from the TV show), take her words at their face and respond simply and directly like there is no hidden meaning or weirdness. Don't worry about snappy comebacks, you risk looking bad in a work setting.
BTW I know there are many who don't care for my bun hairstyle for various reasons, you just have to hold your head up high most people respect self respect.
I hope this helps; buns rule!

PraiseCheeses
July 29th, 2011, 03:56 PM
LOL at the toilet brush comparison!

Looks like you've reached saturation of great mature advice and support. Who needs more of that? That's why I came in here. :p

Here's what you do:

Procure picture of offending colleague.
Procure picture of toilet brush.
Upload both pictures to totallylookslike.icanhascheezburger.com.
Use the TotallyLooksLike builder to make side-by-side comparison with text.
Print, make copies.
Copies mysteriously appear all over the place at work. :twisted:

(Obviously I'm totally joking and the best advice I can really give is to listen to everyone else but me... but isn't it fun to think about? :eyebrows:)

Anje
July 29th, 2011, 03:58 PM
LOL at the toilet brush comparison!

Looks like you've reached saturation of great mature advice and support. Who needs more of that? That's why I came in here. :p

Here's what you do:

Procure picture of offending colleague.
Procure picture of toilet brush.
Upload both pictures to totallylookslike.icanhascheezburger.com.
Use the TotallyLooksLike builder to make side-by-side comparison with text.
Print, make copies.
Copies mysteriously appear all over the place at work. :twisted:

(Obviously I'm totally joking and the best advice I can really give is to listen to everyone else but me... but isn't it fun to think about? :eyebrows:)
Clearly, we need to find pictures of yellow toilet brushes.
ETA: OK, this one is orange, but it's a start. (http://www.cheap-promotional.com/productsimages/toiletbrushholder_95893.gif) Might be closer to the mustard color you describe, too...
This one's more blond, perhaps too subtle. (http://www.internet-d.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/toilet+brush.jpg)

jojo
July 29th, 2011, 05:34 PM
HAHAHAHAHAHA! oh my stomach! I am so going to picture the toilet brush, thats the funniest thing i ever heard. We need a toilet brush picture thing please mods!

celebriangel
July 29th, 2011, 06:25 PM
I hope you didn't think for a minute about believing her, Jojo. In your photos both you and your hair look just beautiful, and to be honest I can't see how a short 'do would make you look any younger...you would just look like everyone else who has the mom cut probably, and at the moment you look different and special (and have a rockin' fringe/bangs).

Eh. Some people suck. The "parrotting" suggestion really works. I tried it on my parents. It worked. This is probably the best endorsement ever (I think my mum will stick around to haunt me and tell me what to do from beyond the grave, probably...).

Good luck! Hold your head high.

jojo
July 29th, 2011, 06:52 PM
^^ im not bothered if my hair makes me look older or younger, i just love my hair long. I think people who make a living out of putting people down are sad individuals. I certainly am old enough to chose how long i wear my hair. The way i see it, my hair has no relevance on my nursing capabilities, the miserable toilet brush on legs knows she cannot find fault in my practice so she gets personal. Heck if i wanted to be as unprofessional as her (which I wont lower myself and do!) I could stand there for an hour talking about her personal appearance. I am going to try the parroting and look thing; can't wait until my shift tomorrow!:)

AnnaJamila
July 29th, 2011, 06:53 PM
Your hair is awesome! As someone who has been in the hospital a few times, I can tell you, I like a happy nurse! Don't change a thing. Tell her to go suck lemons.

Pretty sure she's got that one covered on her own. ;)

skara_brae
July 29th, 2011, 07:39 PM
Too cheery, eh? Sounds like someone needs an extra dose of your sunshine in their day! :D I always found the best way to deal with grouches was to be positive until the give up or go away.


a mouth like a cats bum

I am stealing this phrase.


look her in the eyes without any discernable expression on your face. Do not answer her, do not explain yourself. Just look at her until she feels uncomfortable and leaves on her own...she will get the message.

Creepy. I like it.

amyhenna
July 29th, 2011, 07:48 PM
I wonder if it ever crossed her mind that you're cheery because having long hair is zen?

Slinks
July 29th, 2011, 07:52 PM
^^ im not bothered if my hair makes me look older or younger, i just love my hair long. I am going to try the parroting and look thing; can't wait until my shift tomorrow!:)

love it Jojo !!

Good luck :-)

Slinks
July 29th, 2011, 07:53 PM
I wonder if it ever crossed her mind that you're cheery because having long hair is zen?
Hey, I love this .. yeah :hifive:

GRU
July 29th, 2011, 11:09 PM
Okay, I'm just DYING with the rat-gnawed toilet brush and troll doll description!

As for responses, I was a redhead even before I started with henna to cover my gray, so my mind leans more towards lacefrost and McFearless type suggestions. :o

And having also worked in a bank with a dozen females, it's not nurse-specific.... ANY large group of females is likely to turn into a clique-filled witch-fest. Maybe this is why I'm friends with so many men and not so many women! :lol:

My nursing school's dress code is stricter than that of the hospital I'm working in right now, and I've never had ANYONE at the hospital comment on my hair other than the color (I put it up in a Nautilus-type bun with a 5" Pacific Merchantile acrylic stick which is barely visible). The only comment I've gotten from my nursing school is a fellow student's amazement every time she sees me.... "I still cannot believe that you can get all of that hair up like that!" :D

And I totally want to see a "totally looks like" photo comparison now..... :lol:

Babyfine
July 30th, 2011, 09:12 AM
I am more qualified than she is which i think the other issue is but she is lead nurse so she thinks she is better. She likes to flirt round the Dr's you know the sort ;). I get the feeling she feels a little intimidated by me as I speak my mind. A few occasions she has questioned my clinical skills for e.g. venepuncture. The way she tried to have me take bloods was not only old fashioned but dangerous and i told her as much, joke is she dont even take bloods! so i think her comment about my hair and personality was a way of knocking me down a bit. She really is a pathetic cow who needs to grow up and appreciate peoples differences.

Sorry you have to deal with her. I'm lucky enough now to have co-workers that I really like and get along with. Unfortunately it sounds like she is not a nice person to be around at all.

Rustella
July 30th, 2011, 03:46 PM
That just stinks. I've been in situations like that before. It's true what another poster already stated--people who say mean things are trying to get a response out of you.


Here is a sort-of similar situation I was in several years ago. My hair was waist length, never died and in its natural dark rust color. Forever I have had people asking me if I dyed my hair, and have even had people who didn't believe me when I said that I did not. This time it was two co-workers, and I got the feeling they were trying to trip me into admiting that I dye my hair. I don't think they were jealous, they both did dye their hair and talked about it openly. They would not say directly "come on, admit you dye your hair," it would be more like "has your hair always been that color?". Or "do you have any redheads in your family" or "who does your color". To that one I'd respond "God." LOL! Anyway, I knew they were just mean clicky women and for a while I would just tease them and play around about it. I'd respond with things like "when I go grey it will be tough for them to match my natural color, it's so unusual that I would not want anything else" or "see? no roots!" I eventually got tired of their games, even of teasing them about it. So the next time they said something about it I gave them "the look," with a raised eyebrow, and said:

"You guys sure do talk about my hair a lot." I gave them a puzzled look as though waiting for an explanation. Never again did they bring up the subject of my hair or its color. Further justice came when it turned out that one of them was friends with someone I had been friends with ten years earlier in another town. He confirmed that this had always been my natural hair color, and that it was natural. (Um, but not because he knew in an intimate way, just that he knew me and my roommates well, and they had confirmed it was natural, and he had an old picture of me. :o )


Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, you could try that. If she mentions your hair again just look at her and say "you sure do talk about my hair a lot." The question "Are you jealous?" is implied, and for her to bring up your hair again would be a "yes" to the silent question.

pepperminttea
July 30th, 2011, 03:56 PM
Don't worry Jojo; when she's old she'll have the 'toilet brush' poodle permed with a pink rinse and frown lines up to here, and you'll have epic silver/white long hair and smile lines (which if you're going to live to a ripe old age, are definitely the ones you want ;) ).

Kathie
July 30th, 2011, 03:56 PM
How rude!

Could you tell her that it's inappropriate and unprofessional for her to continuously comment about your hair and personality?

jojo
July 30th, 2011, 04:03 PM
^^ sounds a good plan too!

Well i went into work and one of the assistants made a nice comment about my hair stick, saying she looked forward to seeing what bun i had each day. Miss "oh my hair looks like the piped pipers rats ended up on my head and were god damn hungry" gave her a funny look but she never said a word! drat! i was practicing the "look" all morning before work with my daughter, who thinks I can't do a serious look for toffee! I did try the one from the video, which we were both nearly weeing ourselves, that sure is a funny video!

Ha id so had it in my head what to say and although she wasn't nasty she ignored me. I just kept smiling and kept cheerful, to which the same assistant from before said " Oi Jo, have you read the policy on smiling? its not allowed you know" (she had heard ole toilet brush trying to put me down about my hair and cheeriness!). I just relied "aye I know *giggle*" . Well to cut a long story short ole toilet brush was back peddling all afternoon, sugar coating everything!

People sure are funny creatures!

Slinks
July 30th, 2011, 05:23 PM
sounds as tho things a smoothing over .. she must have had a serious case of PMS !! lol :-)

skara_brae
July 31st, 2011, 06:43 AM
I eventually got tired of their games, even of teasing them about it. So the next time they said something about it I gave them "the look," with a raised eyebrow, and said:

"You guys sure do talk about my hair a lot." I gave them a puzzled look as though waiting for an explanation. Never again did they bring up the subject of my hair or its color.

I just had to say, the mental image of this was priceless! Thankfully, though my workplace is gossipy, there is no teasing or harassment of this type going on. But I've worked other places where this would have been such a useful reply to master...no matter what aspect of someone people were picking on. It's a very Miss Manners type of response.

Theobroma
July 31st, 2011, 06:50 AM
I did say how old do you think i am she said 27 ha ha im like 42! so that throws the theory long hair makes you look older theory out of the water!

Bwahahaha! This is priceless! :rollin:

jojo
July 31st, 2011, 05:35 PM
^^ i think maybe she isnt getting enough you know what! she gave me tons of work to do and i am on holiday next week; like dream on matey im having a break from you, not filling in work books on my leave!

Though she was nice today, she even said " bet ive given you a headache this week" I said " no you have just done my head in full stop!" she just laughed, I was actually being serious!

LisaButz2001
August 3rd, 2011, 06:18 PM
Oh my. I thought being cheery was a job requirement as a nurse. I thought your last avatar looked smashing!

I got a lot of hair comments last Saturday, but nothing snarky. Along the lines of: How often do you wash it? When are you going to cut yours? How short would you cut it? It was a actually a good friend of mine, so I answered matter of factly. Every other day. I've been thinking about it, because sitting on it is a nuisance and probably my waist. (although, I'll probably chicken out on 8/20 and go tailbone instead) She always chats with me about my hair. I meant to ask if she thought I should cut it, but I'd be surprised if she said "yes". I get more of a curious/appreciative vibe versus a "your hair is hideous" one.

May I say the toilet brush and hungry rat metaphors were hilarious? Don't let her get to you.

kamikaze hair
August 4th, 2011, 09:36 AM
Dont worry, its not you. Its her. :) Plus ask anybody and they'll tell you, when it comes to nurses, you definitely want the cheerful one! nothing worse than being sick, ill, dying, or whatever and having to deal with someone else's YEAR LONG TIME OF THE MONTH... I'm just saying...

And yes, a bun is professional enough. I would imagine with your job you need it out of your way, mainly. If the bun does that for you, and you look neat and tidy, then there's no problem.

bunzfan
August 4th, 2011, 09:51 AM
I agree totally it sounds like jealousy to me, it's very unlikely in my experience that women can give another women a nice compliment so just say that's your opinion fine and walk away.

Scarlet_Heart
August 4th, 2011, 09:59 AM
Wow, well. The next time she tells you your hair is too long and that you're too cheery, advise her that all she has to do is keep running her mouth about your hair, and you will oblige her by being less pleasant. Muahahaha :demon:

jasper
August 4th, 2011, 10:04 AM
I have someone at work who makes these kind of remarks, and also criticizes my clothes. One day I was fed up enough to say something like: okay, I get it that you don't approve of my tastes! That shut her up for that day and she said she wasn't trying to hurt my feelings. Unfortunately, it didn't stick, and she is still likely to chip in her comments about my appearance with "corrective" advice.

paintedhorse
August 11th, 2011, 04:49 PM
"Bear in mind her hair looks like a toilet brush which the rats have been nibbling on"
bahhahhahahahhaa im in tears right now. i know its hard but try to not let her get to you. i think she is just jealous bc her hair looks like crap and she would probably love to have long hair. for some reason society has it in their heads that once you hit 30 or become a mother you have to have short hair, i personally think long hair makes you look younger not older. if she keeps on just tell her flat out stop telling me to cut my hair this subject is no longer for conversation!!! good luck