"Cut your hair!" comments - what do you do?

[LynnM]

I'm sure this has been addressed before, especially on the old forum, but....

How do you deal with well-wishing family members/friends that want your hair cut? Especially mothers and MIL's?

My DH loves my long hair, and I love long hair and hope to grow it really long. But it seems as soon as I start to love my hair and the condition it's in, I receive comments from my mom/MIL telling me how cute I looked with my hair short, or how cute I'd look if I cut my hair to a much-shorter length, how my hair is getting too long and isn't in style, etc..

What's up with people who do this?

How do you guys deal with the comments? Has anyone cut their hair because of a specific comment from someone?

I actually did this after my daughter was born in 2006, because my hair was thinning and I had received the comments at the right time and just chopped... ugh!

So... what do you do?

[Periwinkle]

I get a lot of that because I never wear my hair down. Ever ever ever ever ever, even though it's only BSL.

What do I say? 'I didn't wear it down when it was jaw-length, I didn't wear it down when it was shoulder-length, I didn't wear it down when it was armpit-length and I don't wear it down now it's bra strap-length. What kind of deluded logic makes you think that cutting it will make me wear it down?'

:D

[Siava]

My mom tells me this all the time. I give her all kinds of responses:
"Hey mom, shave your head!"
"Uh...no."
"I like it this length just fine, thanks."
"I'll cut it when I'm ready."

It's a neverending battle with her for some odd reason.

[LynnM]

I get a lot of that because I never wear my hair down. Ever ever ever ever ever, even though it's only BSL.

What do I say? 'I didn't wear it down when it was jaw-length, I didn't wear it down when it was shoulder-length, I didn't wear it down when it was armpit-length and I don't wear it down now it's bra strap-length. What kind of deluded logic makes you think that cutting it will make me wear it down?'

:D

Nice! :applause

I hear you - I'm the same way! I can't STAND it down! :p When I chopped my hair last time all I could say was, "I can't wait until I can pull it up in a ponytail!"

[camara]

My mom does not like long hair. :shrug: She comments because she wants me to look my best. In her eyes, that means sporting short short hair with a side parting. :eek: I won´t cut, however, so I just tell her that I´m still growing it and otherwise I´m ignoring her comments.

[jojo]

I just ignore them, my mum goes on at me all the time to get a 'nice short style' as she thinks it draws my face down, whatever I like it and nothing will make me cut short again!

[Carina]

I ask them if they want to pay my next trim.If they are rude to me then I can be just as rude back.Sometimes I ask them about their own check up in the mirror.

[Chromis]

Ignore them. If the comments get nasty, they get cut off, if they are otherwise nice how much I talk to them depends on my annoyance level. It's just family, didn't pick the buggers! If I wouldn't keep a friend based on their talk, I won't keep family either.

For minorly annoying but well meaning ones I like to twist their comments around on them. For instance, MIL was commenting on a house that she thought was too gaudy and I went started gushing about "Oh yes, isn't it wonderful! It's so bright and cheery!" For people saying you should cut your hair because you never wear it down you could instead gush about how it makes you feel so pulled together or it's just wonderful for this summer heat/fierce wind etc.

[AJoifulNoise]

I say "er, no" and then either abruptly and obviously change the subject or walk away

[SHELIAANN1969]

Just say NOPE, thankyouverymuch.

[Islandgrrl]

I mostly ignore the comments.

I did finally call my mom on it, though, the last time she visited and told me how beautiful she thinks I look with short hair (we're talking micropixie). I told her that with all respect and love that I don't make comments about her hair or her appearance - I assume she's comfortable and happy with the way she looks - and I would appreciate her not making those comments to me because I'm COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY WITH THE WAY I LOOK!

She literally looked at me with this puzzled look on her face and said, "I never thought of it that way." She hasn't said anything since.

[Kirin]

Easiest response and you will never hear a word about it again............ever, never ever.......

"Oh I couldn't cut it, having longer hair turns (name of husband here) on!"

[Lisa-Maria]

Maybe you could comment on them needing to pluck their eyebrows or something, just to get their attention :)

[purplebubba]

For 14 years I have been ignoring them. Ignoring them is a habit now. I don't plan to break it.

[MemSahib]

I'm sure this has been addressed before, especially on the old forum, but....

How do you deal with well-wishing family members/friends that want your hair cut? Especially mothers and MIL's?

My DH loves my long hair, and I love long hair and hope to grow it really long. But it seems as soon as I start to love my hair and the condition it's in, I receive comments from my mom/MIL telling me how cute I looked with my hair short, or how cute I'd look if I cut my hair to a much-shorter length, how my hair is getting too long and isn't in style, etc..

What's up with people who do this?

How do you guys deal with the comments? Has anyone cut their hair because of a specific comment from someone?

I actually did this after my daughter was born in 2006, because my hair was thinning and I had received the comments at the right time and just chopped... ugh!

So... what do you do?Since it is my preference to be gracious to them, I smile and ignore it.

[Shelly]

I tell them the facts as I see them. I want my hair to grow as long as it will. They don't have to like it. It's my hair and I'll do what I want with it. Of course I'm not rude about it depending on who it is but I tell them the way it is. I'm one of those girls who want my hair touching the floor and dragging behind me when it's down.

[Elenna]

I wish that people wouldn't make comments about my hair. Even if it is well meaning, I'm not going to cut my hair just for a remark about the length.

[Cantabile]

I just ignore it. I refuse to cut or style my hair to please their aesthetic sense, as if I were some sort of decorative piece in their view of the world. :laugh: They can mutter whatever they like, but I have no intention of changing my hair to suit them.

[SweetPea88]

Just try not to let it get to you. It's YOUR hair and that's the bottom line. As long as you like and it makes you happy, what they're saying doesn't mean a thing. And as for them trying to reason that they are "looking out for you", let them know that you appreciate the effort and that this is what's best for you.

[Forest]

I mostly ignore the comments.

I did finally call my mom on it, though, the last time she visited and told me how beautiful she thinks I look with short hair (we're talking micropixie). I told her that with all respect and love that I don't make comments about her hair or her appearance - I assume she's comfortable and happy with the way she looks - and I would appreciate her not making those comments to me because I'm COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY WITH THE WAY I LOOK!

She literally looked at me with this puzzled look on her face and said, "I never thought of it that way." She hasn't said anything since.

I think you should try this type of response at least once if it is someone in your family or closest circle. I thinkt they don't realise how rude and hurting that type of argument is.

[cherryblossom]

my mum is always going on about how i should cut my hair because its 'unprofessional' and'you'll get back pains' or 'its too hot to have that much hair' etc.

[Juliet's Silk]

Sometimes I wonder how lucky I must be that I live with people who'll never make comments like this.
Simply. Not. Neither negative, nor positive (so that's the flipside :lol:).
Once a year I'll get a "wow your hair is long" or "how long did it take you to grow it?" and that's that.

I don't know what I would answer if someone asked me. I guess I would look at them with a puzzled look and ask "Why?". I mean, I don't ask random people to why they don't do X because... well.. duh... why should they?

[Chamomilemaiden]

I don´t get such comments often, actually many people say to me don´t cut it. But if somebody tells me to cut it I silently overcome it or respond that I don´t plan to cut or I´m growing my hair and the conversation ends there.

[Darkhorse1]

I always say 'no thanks, I like it this way'. Or, if they tell me to cut mine, I'll say 'why don't you grow yours long?' and when they say they don't want it long, I say 'I don't want my short'.

Sometimes I'll look at people who say this and say 'why? Is my long hair bothering you?'. :D ;) I'm very good at quick comebacks and I'm also highly sarcastic. :D

[Carina]

I'm just like you then.:oDarkhorse1
I'm very good at quick comebacks and I'm also highly sarcastic. :D

[FrannyG]

I usually just smile and say, "That's one way of thinking about it." That's about it. :)

[Leisha]

I don't get that sort of comments often, but when I do I just smile and nod.

The subject usually changes pretty fast that way (if I'd say "no I won't cut it" then they'd ask "but why not" and you'd get an entire discussion etc etc).

Honestly, I don't see any reason to give a smart/sarcastic (eta: as in "mean" - a little sarcasm is good :gabigrin: ) comment back - unless they are rude about it or something, of course!

But I'm another lucky one, I guess; like with Juliet's Silk, I haven't really had people tell me to cut my hair! :)

[Anje]

Wow, I feel lucky I don't get comments like that from my family. My mom tends to remark "Wow, it's getting really long! The ends still look good, though." She'd bug me if it started looking tattered or particularly fairytaled, but I think she hasn't gotten over the shock that I've got hair I could tuck into my pants while she never managed to get hers to grow much past her shoulders (probably largely handling-related). She teases my brothers that they should cut their shoulder-length curls, though.

As for me, I could point out that I'm going to pull my hair up with any length I can, so only a pixie or buzz cut wouldn't end up tied back anyway. I like to control my own hair, I don't need someone else to tell me what to do with it. As far as trendiness goes, I never fit any trends anyway, unless they happen to coincide with what I'm already doing.

[LadyMoon11]

Whenever I get comments like "why don't you cut your hair?", "WOW your hair is, uh.... LONG.. how do you deal with small children with such long hair?"... "you looked so cyyyuuuute with your bob a few years ago...", etc. I almost always just tell them, " My long hair makes me feel feminine, sexy and unique. I love it. Thanks for noticing the length because I have worked very hard to grow and maintain it." something of that sort. And that's it. :gobblecheese:
Or I ignore them if they are being rude, therefore not someone whom I feel deserves my time or attention.

[Robbi Dehlinger]

I dunno why they would say such a thing, but they do?

I get similar comments about wearing a dress all the time?

[hurricane_gia]

It of course depends on who is making the comment. If it's my grandmother, I just look at her with a horrified expression on my face and say, "Why would I want to do THAT???"

The only other person who makes comments is my Dad, and I just say something silly such as, "But if I cut my hair, none of my snoods would fit anymore!"

Actually, three years ago we started a new family tradition of having an annual family reunion -slash- cabin-camping trip. My Dad noticed that it took me less than three minutes to do my hair, while it took my short-haired step-mother over half an hour. Since then, he hasn't made any negative comments. :D

Fortunately, in real-life I am surrounded by SCAers, Belly Dancers, and Hippies. Not only do my friends like my hair, several of them have longer.

[eadwine]

Especially mothers and MIL's?
Sometimes having neither helps a bundle ;)


But I just tell them it is MY wish to grow it long, and I am growing it long even if they don't like it.

[noelgirl]

I don't really get that a lot a lot these days - in high school I did from classmates, but not only was it longer and fairytaled then, but high school is pretty much the one place where any deviation from the norm is going to be nitpicked to death. My standard issue response was usually something along the lines of "well, this is how I like it." My family is a bit more live-and-let-live :) And these days, I work in a casual environment, and spend much of my off-time in artistic, creative environments where frankly, I'm one of the more conventional ones. Go figure!

[Kayleena]

Hi, everyone! :) No, LynnM, I have not cut my hair because of any negative comments, but because I try to get along with people & I don’t want to be viewed as a rebel, they can sometimes make me feel guilty about remaining true to some of my decisions in life. Anyway, for the first time ever, I’m contributing a comeback or two instead of just collecting them for my arsenal. :coolblue: Some of my suggestions are based on advice I’ve read from other people. I always treat “your hair is getting long” comments as compliments, even if the tone of voice is negative, and I respond, “Thanks, I love my hair long!” Sometimes I get into good discussions with people & hopefully educate them a little. If they push me negatively, I say, “I’m an adult, so I can do what I want. I try to get along with & be helpful to people; so long hair is for me to give to myself.” It seems a very fine line to walk, because I can see that others are quite willing to make me something I don’t want to be if I don’t stand up for myself. There are many great suggestions in this thread; I hope you will find them useful. – **Lady Kayleena Victoria of the Performance Stage in the Order of the Long-Haired Knights**

[Cinnamon.locks]

I sigh ( have heard this comment way too much lately.) and simply smile softly, clasp my hands before me and say ** no, i will not cut my hair until it reaches my knees, if you don't like the length of my hair, then please don't look at it!** turn and walk away.

It bothers me so much when people ( specially MIL, SIL, ) decide they can actually have the right to tell you what to do. My brother's wife's mother was like that, until i almost exploded and told her that if my long ( at that time waist length, ) hair bothered her so much to simply not walk behind me or not accompany us out. i got a glare and alot of mumbling but the woman finally ended up shutting up about MY hair.

i know too much, should have simply kept quiet and ignored her. i mean she was 88 years old, but sometimes you just can't bite your tongue.


I would suggest either ignore those telling you to cut or simply telling them to mind their business.

[Alun]

My mum makes these comments. I think she tries not to, but eventually it comes out, so a week is about my limit for visits. Oddly enough, I don't think it's because I'm male, although it took me a long while to come to that realisation. She just doesn't like long hair and never had long hair herself. I now think that if she had a daughter she would make similar comments, but it's hard to say, being an only child.

It's best not to say too much, as otherwise it becomes a long drawn out conversation, and both sides know that no-one is going to agree.

[frizzinator]

Why not wear your hair up every time you are going to be around folks who typically complain about long hair. They most likely will never mention it again because they will not see long hair. I'm not talking about a ponytail. I'm talking about an updo.

[Periwinkle]

Why not wear your hair up every time you are going to be around folks who typically complain about long hair. They most likely will never mention it again because they will not see long hair. I'm not talking about a ponytail. I'm talking about an updo.

Your post made me laugh...it was probably totally unintentional, but the way you said 'I'm not talking about a ponytail. I'm talking about an updo.' makes it sound like something out of a spy film :cool:

[jojo]

I always say 'no thanks, I like it this way'. Or, if they tell me to cut mine, I'll say 'why don't you grow yours long?' and when they say they don't want it long, I say 'I don't want my short'.

Sometimes I'll look at people who say this and say 'why? Is my long hair bothering you?'. :D ;) I'm very good at quick comebacks and I'm also highly sarcastic. :D

ive done the exact same in the past:eyebrows:

[Nightshade]

But it seems as soon as I start to love my hair and the condition it's in, I receive comments from my mom/MIL telling me how cute I looked with my hair short, or how cute I'd look if I cut my hair to a much-shorter length, how my hair is getting too long and isn't in style, etc..

What's up with people who do this?

Maybe tell her you're not going for "cute." Good gods do I hate that word. It's half a step above "fine." Or tell her with a sweet smile that you're not trying to be "in style" as that just changes every six months to fuel consumers to do what they do best... CONSUME!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

*achem*

Long hair and updos are timeless.

And if none of these well-rationalized thoughts are enough as sweet smile and a gently-worded, "Bite me." should do the trick :twisted: ;)

[spidermom]

It has only happened to me once, during a recent visit to my father in Ohio. I said "I don't want to." And "Are you the only man in the world who doesn't like long hair?" He handed me a pair of scissors, and I put them down on his chair-side table.

And that's really all I had to say about that.

[Tangles]

Back when I had waist length, fairytaling hair, people would say my hair was REALLY LONG in a slightly condescending voice. It didn't bother me, but I ended up cutting to BSL and realized that mostly blunt is better for me. On the other hand, sometimes people are biased against unusual length per se (my mom thinks waistlength is a bit too long but boob length is perfect). In that case they're often just unaware that hair can be long and really healthy at the same time.