People's jealousy with long hair?

[DarkBeauty]

I used to have waist length hair, but in the end i got it cut to shoulder length because of the exsessive amount of damage i did to it. (Now on the road to recovery :P) But what i noticed when i did have long hair is how people would react to it. Many people said ''Wow, are they extensions?'' when i said no, they looked at me abit weirdly, people in public also used to look at my hair alot in a hating way, i don't care if long hair is not the fashion i like it because i like it. What seems to be in fashion now is the ''Rihanna red'' colour with a bob, it just doesn't appeal to me, i like to look feminine. My own mum used to say ''Oh it's getting abit long, it looks abit ratty like rats tails" I was like, thanks! When i did go to the hairdressers, the hairdresser kept on trying to persuade me to get a pixie cut, i was like ''NO!!!!!!'' because she had short hair, and she was like ''It's alot easier to manage'' and other excuses... (Although i still think she cut it abit too short for shoulder length) Why does everyone have such a stigma against long hair? Do any of you get long hair hatred from people?

[Oldfashioned]

I've noticed that people always suggest what they do/have done, thinking that their way is best... I get the same thing from my Grandma who of course has short hair. Being unique is worthwhile so I wouldn't worry about it. Lots of love your way!

[Madora]

I've never had anyone remark that they disliked my hair. Oh, they may have said it was too long, but I didn't care. I wear my hair to suit ME, not some style that is here today and gone tomorrow.

I did have a few folks with hair envy, but I always told them "You wouldn't want to spend the time I do when it's time to shampoo this mane!"

[May]

I honestly don't think people are 'jealous' over other people's long hair. I mean, it's hair...and *most*(not all) of us can grow it. I like to think if someone has shorter hair they wanted short hair. I think society puts pressure on woman to have LONG hair to be perfectly honest. I really wouldn't worry about what you *think* other people are thinking about your hair :) Enjoy your own hair and have it whatever length YOU want it and forget about everyone else because chances are they don't care.:cheese:

[Eire]

Some people just genuinely don't like long hair. They think it's gross or dirty. Not everyone who criticizes it is jealous; some are being honest (though, no one asked their opinion).

[battles]

I don't think I require long hair to be feminine, but I'd rather have it. ;)

[Seeshami]

My co-worker told me since I couldn't cut it he would. In a no-nonsense voice with the glare of death I told him if he came near me with a pair of scissors I would kill him. It seemed to stop his encouraging me to bleach it and chop it.

He's bald just so you know.

[truepeacenik]

You yourself said that you had done damage.
That sounds like a) you knew of your damage and b) others noticed and offered their suggestions.

You can't call that jealousy.

Yes, fashion is for shorter hair or extensions. Yes it is rather....uninteresting. It is what it is, and your hair will grow. Smile! And welcome to LHC.

[Barbie Diamond]

I think a lot of women who have short hair and don't want the trouble of growing their hair out would prefer that all women have short hair because they do realize that long hair is so much prettier than what they have. Not necessarily jealous but envious (which means they could have long hair but since they don't they don't want anyone else to have long hair either).

[dulce]

I agree with Barbie Diamond! you especially see this with older women if you buck the older lady short, permed,frizzy, coloured traditional hair do and dare to go gray and very long when you're older..especially if you wear it loose or use hair forks,sticks or flexis with different hairdos..You just learn to ignore any nasty comments and do your own thing.With short hair that's all you have,with long hair you have so many choices.It's sad more older women don't embrace long hair , yet they resent someone else for having it.strange.So far all 1 have gotten is a negative reaction from older women,younger women and men do not react this way in my experience.They are much more positive.

[Katurday]

I think a lot of women who have short hair and don't want the trouble of growing their hair out would prefer that all women have short hair because they do realize that long hair is so much prettier than what they have. Not necessarily jealous but envious (which means they could have long hair but since they don't they don't want anyone else to have long hair either).
My short hair is very pretty! It really stings to think that everyone agrees short hair is ALWAYS less pretty therefore we shorties must be jealous. I've never said a mean thing about anyone's long hair, whether or not I thought it suited them.

I've seen plenty of nice long hair, but it doesn't mean all long hair is nice, nor does it mean I want your beautiful blonde locks on my head! As for the short haired women who are catty about long hair, here are some options, from most likely to least: 1) They are haters about everything so they include hair in that, 2) They suck at being social and share their unwelcome opinions convinced they are helping, 3) They are actually envious.

[PraiseCheeses]

I think a lot of women who have short hair and don't want the trouble of growing their hair out would prefer that all women have short hair because they do realize that long hair is so much prettier than what they have. Not necessarily jealous but envious (which means they could have long hair but since they don't they don't want anyone else to have long hair either).

Dude.... it's not ALWAYS jealousy. I'm with Katurday. I know it's hard for us to fathom here, but some people honestly do like short hair better. And short hair can be very feminine. My doctor chopped her hair from BSL to a shoulder-length bob, and now she has that ethereal feminine air and grace that never came through when she had long hair. A close friend of mine vacillates between pixie and BSL. She's pretty with longer hair, but when she wears a pixie she is STUNNING and turns heads everywhere she goes. Another close friend chopped her dark tailbone hair to a pixie, and completely rocked it for years with some red lipstick. Beauty is NOT in conformity; kudos to those who buck the trends and stand out with either short or long hair or whatever suits them in the middle regardless of what the fashionistas are saying.


The head monkey in Paris puts on a traveler's cap, and all the monkeys in America follow suit.

-ThoreauNothing against you personally, Barbie Diamond - please don't take it that way. :flower: It's just that differing opinions are often incorrectly labeled as jealousy, when oftentimes it's just someone marching to the beat of their own drum. When I extol the wonders of coconut oil to my more mainstream friends, it's not because I'm jealous of their expensive silicone serums and styling waxes. Nor am I trying to change their minds. We're each happy doing our own thing - I'm nurturing my long hair, and they're having fun with their beautiful feminine sassy short hair. :)

[ElusiveMuse]

I do think that things which take a lot of patience, like growing out your hair in a healthful way, can sometimes cause others, who want instant gratification results similar to what you've worked for, to kind of try to pull you back even with them. Does that make sense?

Like if a friend is working really hard to lose weight through diet and exercise, and she goes out to lunch with a friend who pressures her to split a dessert, when she doesn't want to blow her diet.

Certainly not everyone with short hair is unfeminine or jealous.

[kidari]

I agree that anything that takes patience, commitment, time, or hard work is something people do subconsciously try to sabatoge. If women are being catty about something like long hair, sometimes they like to justify it by saying it's not real like accusing the person of having extensions. Same kind of thing for other physical attributes like, "Oh she just wear a tons of makeup, wait until she takes all of that off." Or, "Everybody can look like that if they get a lot of plastic surgery." Sometimes it's true and sometimes it's not, but that's how some jealous or envious women try to justify others' beauty.

[vanillabones]

When I wore my pixie for years I was NEVER jealous of long hair. I did not notice.
Then I decided I finally wanted to grow my hair... After being on this site I am envious of hair with lengths, and virgin hair, when I've always hated my virgin color I now long for it and will treasure it! I cannot wait to grow it long and feel very impatient. I am slowly but surely growing virgin and then will someday have long hair *daydreams*

[kidari]

Well, I agree with Vanillabones. Okay I do get jealous of people with gorgeous healthy long hair. I also get jealous of hair textures or hair colors that can never be mine naturally. However it's one thing to be jealous or envious and quite another to be malicious about it and try to harm someone else or insult them.

[wvgemini]

I think a lot of women who have short hair and don't want the trouble of growing their hair out would prefer that all women have short hair because they do realize that long hair is so much prettier than what they have. Not necessarily jealous but envious (which means they could have long hair but since they don't they don't want anyone else to have long hair either).

Count me in with those who find this statement insulting. When I had my bob, it was quite pretty. And nobody doubted my feminine air. I don't give a flying flip what anyone else does to their hair.

[AnnaJamila]

I've never had anyone remark that they disliked my hair. Oh, they may have said it was too long, but I didn't care. I wear my hair to suit ME, not some style that is here today and gone tomorrow.

I did have a few folks with hair envy, but I always told them "You wouldn't want to spend the time I do when it's time to shampoo this mane!"


Why, don't you mean hair today and gone tomorrow?

[dulce]

When i was in my early 20's ,1 was stationed at a remote military post with my husband.I had tailbone length long hair and was the only wife with very long hair.One of the older wives kept on me all the time[,constantly] to cut it saying it was so old fashioned-she never let up ,so wanting desperately to belong, 1 cut it all off.It was stupid of me but i caved to peer pressure.This same woman was then the first to ask why 1 had cut my hair and then kept insinuating to my face 1 had looked so much better with my long hair.Some may not want to believe that women can be jealous creatures but unfortunately some are[not all are ,mind you but some] At almost 60 ,1 have met all kinds of women,some nice,some not.

[dulce]

So 1've noticed this" phenomenon "as a long haired young girl and as an older long haired senior citizen and 1 do believe it does exist.That's my opinion.

[RitaCeleste]

I don't know if it is my hair or what. I've been sold bad hair products by sales people. Maybe they didn't want me to have nice hair, maybe they were just looking for any fool to buy that stuff. I've gotten some really terrible chopped up hair when going in for a cut. Maybe there are a lot of bad hair dressers, maybe I failed to explain what I wanted clearly enough (hey, I brought pics, or picked from their own style book!). I get that some people just don't like long hair. I get that some people just don't like my hair texture. I get that some people want a nice blunt hemline and consider anything else to need a severe trim. I don't get the catty part. I'd love to be accepted and considered acceptable to people. The trick is if I have to become something I'm not, I haven't really been accepted at all. I'd have thown out baby with the bath water, and the bits that would be left wouldn't be all I could be or should be.

[UltraBella]

I don't think I have ever been jealous of someone else's long hair. (I have been jealous of big, beautiful natural curls though !)
I like my hair. Heck, I adore my hair. It doesn't have to be as long as anyone else's. In fact, I like it better at it's length now. I don't think that many people outside of LHC want very long hair. I'll even venture to suggest that many people find super long hair to be rather boring and plain.

[gretchen_hair]

In answer to the question: Do any of you get long hair hatred from people?

No. I have never had anyone say they hated my hair, if they looked at it oddly, I never noticed. If they were crinkling their nose at me, I probably just thought the smelled the fart I just blew.

Maybe you just *thought* that people were looking at your hair *weirdly* or in a *hating way*, it sounds like you were/are self conscious about your own hair and were/are projecting your own attitude about your own hair into the looks that you think you were receiving.

Why do so many people assume that other folks are jealous about anything about them?

[dulce]

1 guess in my case , it's because of nasty unsolicitated comments made to my face in my experience.Am not talking about people just giving an unwanted opinion,but truly nasty comments meant to deliberately hurt/put someone down.1t's easy to spot the motive in those cases.

[QueenJoey]

I don't think anyone is jealous of my hair, but I hate when my mom tells me that I need a trim because it looks "stringy".

It's not so much jealousy, so much as people think long hair is unusual/out of the norm. So people probably will stare. I don't think it's rude, unless they are very openly mean or something. It's like when we go to the zoo and stare at the elephants. We're not jealous, we just don't see them all that much and it catches our eye.

[spidermom]

My father didn't like my hair at first, but he rather grudgingly came around to saying it was "kind of pretty".

I think there are as many opinions about hair as there are people. I once was jealous of a friend's long hair, but part of the reason was that she was always complaining about it. She had what I wanted, and she didn't appreciate it, so I wanted her to cut it.

Most of the time, though, I think when people say they don't like long hair, that's the plain and simple truth - they don't like it. My daughter likes my long hair but she feels kind of sorry for me because most of the time I bun it, which she sees as extremely limiting. Some days, I agree with her.

[Nightshade]

The main difference between envy and jealousy is that envy is an emotion related to coveting what someone else has, whereas jealousy is the emotion related to fear that something you have will be taken away by someone else.


Brought to you by your local grammar police.


And no, it isn't always envy.

[Eolan]

I think some people will have opinions no matter how you look, and some people ALWAYS feel the need to express their opinion. :shrug: I say shrug it off. If you like wearing your hair long, wear it long. If you feel like wearing it short, wear it short. Don't give other people too much power over you. Just rock on! :rockerdud

I have friends (yes, friends) that often asks me how long I plan to grow my hair, and then tell me that they think it's gross. I have other friends who gasps at my hair when I take it down and look at me with awe in their eyes and go: "Oooh, you hair is so pretty."
I say "Okay, whatever", to the gross-comments, and "Thank you! :)", to the compliments. And then I go about my business. :)

[Lianna]

I think society puts pressure on woman to have LONG hair to be perfectly honest.

I agree. That's how it is where I live, most women have long hair. The ones with shorter than bobs are the ones "out of norm".


When I wore my pixie for years I was NEVER jealous of long hair. I did not notice.

I didn't even notice either. I've always liked my short hair. I've only wanted long hair for the last year and half now. Reading this site seems like there's more long hairs "noticing" short hairs than the other way around.

I admire long hair now, but isn't envy.

[share801]

I think that some folks outside of LHC would find protective styles, sleep caps, oiling, etc "too much work" even though they might be perfectly willing to spend time on blowfrying. It's what they are used to doing.

I will say, I never broke a vacuum with short hair. :)

[KittyLost]

When I was a lot younger, i had 3friends who had the same length hair as myself. It was considered long outside of LHC between APL and BSL. When my hair was accidently cut too short, I tried to convince 2 of my long haired friends to cut thiers short. Partly I believed 1 of them would suit short hair better (which I'm still right about, she has cut her hair short since) but the main reason was I didn't want them to have longer hair than me because I was envious so I do kinda understand this.

However I've not been insulting or malicious about hair. If hair is short and looks great I tell them, if it is long and looks great I tell them too. I find short hair just as femimine as long hair and it can be just as rare/stunning. I personally love a classic bob cut but it doesn't suit me.

[eternalknot]

When i did go to the hairdressers, the hairdresser kept on trying to persuade me to get a pixie cut, i was like ''NO!!!!!!'' because she had short hair, and she was like ''It's alot easier to manage'' and other excuses... (Although i still think she cut it abit too short for shoulder length) Why does everyone have such a stigma against long hair? Do any of you get long hair hatred from people?

I had the opposite experience - twice! Two different hairdressers at two different salons refused to cut my hair (waist-length) the way I wanted (grazing my shoulders). They said they just couldn't bring themselves to do something that drastic.

Long hair isn't uncommon where I live, so I've never run into any kind of stigma. Even old ladies here wear their hair long, up in buns. Definitely no hair hate :)

[Mesmerise]

Well I have definitely been jealous of long hair but not in a b**chy way! My issue is usually that I damage my hair too much and have to cut it, or I become convinced I'd look better with short hair and I cut it, or I think if I start again my hair will look miraculously better "next time". So umm... I never quite get to the long hair I want! But NO MORE!! Now I'm growing my own so I won't ever need to feel those twinges of envy that I get when I see someone with lovely long locks ;).

[MissAlida]

So this is what I think: when I had short hair, a pixie, I longed for long hair. No matter how good short hair looks on you (and believe me, it looked great on me, often got the compliment: "Oh, you look just like an actress with this short hair"), I felt "less" when I was with my girlfriends and they had long hair. Of course, I never told anyone to cut their hair, but it is somewhat unavoidable to feel like you're missing out on something when you have short hair. I think some people try to make this feeling go away by persuading others to cut their hair short, or reasoning out loud in favor of short hair. I think everyone should have the hairstyle they desire, no matter if it is 1" long, bald or long hair dragged on the floor. It is free will and personal prefrence. Long hair is beautiful, if it is healthy. I wouldn't consider insulting if someone gave me the advice to cut my hair, if it was damaged. However, I think all of us who are insulted in real life, can come here to LHC, where long hair, or any hair for that matter is welcomed and loved. LHC is truly a great, great place.:D:crush:

[Joliebaby]

Well, after I just cut my waist length hair, SIL looked quite happy when she saw me, and said "oh, your hair WAS so pretty and thick and long!"

Umm. Never ONCE did she give me a compliment, UNTIL IT WAS GONE. It definitely felt a bit mean of her.

I promptly told her I was growing it back and she was like, well why did you cut it then? I explained briefly and she didn't say anything more.

But now when my hair gets long again I sorta know that she admires and envies it, LOL! She doesn't have to say it because she just told me...

[Ligeia_13]

When I was a lot younger, i had 3friends who had the same length hair as myself. It was considered long outside of LHC between APL and BSL. When my hair was accidently cut too short, I tried to convince 2 of my long haired friends to cut thiers short. Partly I believed 1 of them would suit short hair better (which I'm still right about, she has cut her hair short since) but the main reason was I didn't want them to have longer hair than me because I was envious so I do kinda understand this.


I completely understand this. I always feel secretely happy when one of my friends has a haircut and no longer has longer hair than me. But I would never suggest haircuts where they aren't needed JUST so I can have the long hair, that would be catty of me, I think. But yeah, I'm always jealous of long hair. Just not in a snip-it-off-while-you-sleep way, thank goodness :p

[Jezerellica]

I've never had anyone remark that they disliked my hair. Oh, they may have said it was too long, but I didn't care. I wear my hair to suit ME, not some style that is here today and gone tomorrow.

I did have a few folks with hair envy, but I always told them "You wouldn't want to spend the time I do when it's time to shampoo this mane!"

I'm quietly jealous of Madora's hair.;) Funny, I use that same comment when people say they wish they had long hair. Even though I love it, I have this dream of one of those super short pixie styles. I could never do it as my face could not carry it off.

[Cania]

People have openly admitted to being jealous of my hair, but as a compliment!

I think long or short, it's about the effort you take. I hate when girls do a flat bob, make no effort with it, it's in bad condition, never had anything done with it... same with long hair for me tbh!
And long hair doesn't suit everyone, neither does short hair. But people should take the time to consider what works.

[newbeginning]

I've had people be jealous of my hair (e.g. threaten to cut it off) but I've also had plenty of compliments so I guess it depends on the person.

[jojo]

It all depends on if your a long hair or short hair at heart. when my hair was short I hated it on me, but that doesn't mean i hate short hair period it just doesn't look too great on me as an individual. I work with a lady who has a very cropped cut, she looks amazing and very feminine.

As much as I love long hair, there are some long hairs like a close friend who really looks awful with long hair, I would never hurt her feelings by telling her because thats not me but she recently had her cut to shoulder and it looks fantastic. I also see hair which is very long but I wouldnt say i am jealous, I can grow my own afterall but I do admire it from afar.

[longhairdntcare]

I don't think it's jealousy or envy..just a preference. I used to prefer shorter hair *shrug*

[citadel]

A lot of my friends have shoulder length or shorter hair, and none have been jealous. If anything, I sometimes get a moan of, "Why can't my hair grow as fast as yours?" But that's weird, since when theirs starts to get even the tiniest bit long, they get it trimmed again.

[RitaCeleste]

Oh, sometimes its preference, sometimes its ignorance, sometimes it IS actual jealousy. I caught myself giving someone at the store the evil eye because their skimpy top left their bra straps all hanging out. I see it all the time as if a clean bra makes that look work. I feel bad about not wanting to be judged when I give in to my pet peeve about bra straps showing. Everybody has something about them that's gonna annoy someone for some reason, rational or not.

[McFearless]

Welcome to TLHC, DarkBeauty!
I agree with you. Rihanna has definately sparked a trend with her hair colour. I think people are jealous of your ability to have long and healthy hair. Most people have to pick between straightening and length. The two don't really go together if you also dye and like to use heat tools daily. There are also people who will give anyone a dirty look and people who just don't like long hair.

Oh and I just love Nightshade btw, she's hilarious.

[racrane]

I think it's the rare person who is really malicious about certain hair styles and lengths, long hair included. Most people are usually naive or don't understand the other person. Don't get me wrong, I know people who are jealous of long hair but won't grow it out themselves. I just think it's the rare person who is mean about it.

[goldenmoments]

Reminds me of my father who always asks why I don't go to the hairdresser more often and why I don't change my hair style, maybe really short, like a pixie? .....honestly dad, you've had the same haircut since pictures can remind me......haha
I've stopped trying to convince him my long hair isn't boring.

I'm growing till I can rock a side braid Alexander Wang style

[Nightshade]

Oh and I just love Nightshade btw, she's hilarious.

:lol: Aww, thanks hun :D

[hibiscus]

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[hibiscus]

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[slz]

Longer hair isn't automatically prettier or better, especially if its damaged. Not everyone likes the look of long hair.
I agree, but I'd say it doesn't prevent jealousy : it would not be jealousy towards the way you look, but jealousy towards what it takes to grow hair that long = a steady mind that does not change overnight, dedication and patience, and the guts to have a look that will make you stand out in a crowd no matter what. Some people envy that.

[whitestiletto]

When I last went (for the last time ever!) to a salon to get my hair colored, the stylist told me my ends were crunchy and she wanted to cut about 3 inches off them. First of all of course they were crunchy, she was effing dying them over and over! Second of all, she and the other stylist then started talking about how awful very long hair was and how boring it is and how there's nothing you can do with it and it's just plain ugly. How offensive in retrospect. They must never have trained in braids or buns or heat-free curling methods, or they might have a different perspective.

ETA: I did NOT let her cut them. So glad I stood up for my hair!

[Tennessee Rose]

Long hair is a sign of patience and in some cases discipline on a person. Having patience and discipline is difficult and people tends to feel envy for those who can achieve this, but at the same time this envy is admiration.

When people tells you to cut your hair as a sign of envy its possibly (and I would say totally) because they hate to 'admire' you and want to be admired as you are for your hair/patience.

It can be applied in many things: studies, fitness body...everybody can achieve it if being constant but constance is something very few people are able to follow.


I am not talking to talk this thoughts are justified by experience, exchange of opinions and own perspective as I sometimes I have felt 'bad' envy for somebody wishing me to be better. It is a natural thing in human beings.

[Schipperchow]

I think sometimes people don't know how to respond to a physical characteristic that is outside of the norm. For example, my family is used to me wearing my hair up in some fashion. One day I wore it in 2 braids hanging down, a number of people commented on how long my hair was (only WL so not very long to me) but I don't think anyone was envious or jealous of my length.

[alxardnax]

I feel your pain. I have always had long hair and actually my mom is the reason I had long hair. She encouraged me to take excellent care of my hair and keep it long. Which is nice because I know some family members of long hair people aren't so supportive.

However, I will say people (hairstylists in particular) harrassed me all the time about having long. They never said it was damaged or unhealthy or anything like that, in fact they would say the opposite but in a way that it became an insult. Like "Oh my gosh! Your hair is SO LONG! You should really donate this to people who need it" They acted as if long hair, even healthy long hair, is disgusting. And they always accused my mom of forcing me to keep my hair long. As if my mom wouldn't allow me to cut off more than 2 or so inches at a time.

With all those salon visits I have had hairstylists cut off a few inches more than I asked but never anything drastic until March when the *swear word* lady cut my hair to above bra strap length with dorky layers (not even nice layers)!! Even though I told her exactly how much to cut she completely ignored me!! I was devestated and angry for a LONG time and I still get angry sometimes but it gave me a chance take even better care of my hair and it lead me to my first post on LHC even though I had been lurking on it before that mishap.

This may sound creepy but I find that guys, usually older ones, reacted positively to my long hair. haha. In a respectful way of course. And also girls in their late 20s/early 30s who would approach me and compliment my hair and tell me that they used to have long hair too until a hairstylist talked them into cutting it off and how they always regretted it. Ironic. I encountered a lot of women like that and now I am one.

It is okay for having a preference or feeling a bit of envy but that doesn't excuse rude or mean behavior. Now that my hair is short (at least for me it is) I am often in awe of girls with beautiful long hair and wish mine was long again but instead of channeling it into jealousy I go right up to them and compliment them on their beautiful hair.

[dulce]

This is why 1 never plan to set foot in a salon again Why pay someone else big bucks to cut my blunt hem,condition it or style it ,when 1 can do it better myself,get what 1 want and it's free.

[dulce]

And of course they would give me the spiel,you're much too old for long hair!

[Kherome]

I think people here forget that not everyone likes long hair, and it's kind of narcissistic to think everyone envy's you because you have long hair. It's also really, really gross and rude to make a statement like short hair is unfeminine. Hally Berry anyone? When was the last time you heard anyone call her unfeminine? Or that Harry Potter chick, Emma something? Folks need to remember that just because they have a strong preference doesn't mean they can project that on everyone else.
Remember the Emperor's new clothes? He strutted around naked so sure everyone envied him when they were just laughing at his foolishness. Don't be the Emperor.

[spidermom]

Isn't that the truth, Kherome? Some of us have nurtured our hair for so long that we feel like we have a treasure that everybody MUST want, even if they won't admit it.

We had a member in the distant past who cut her knee-length hair to about shoulder length, and when she talked about how happy she was that she had finally cut it, somebody actually said that she was trying to cover up the regret she felt. Say what?

[Bene]

I think people here forget that not everyone likes long hair, and it's kind of narcissistic to think everyone envy's you because you have long hair. It's also really, really gross and rude to make a statement like short hair is unfeminine. Hally Berry anyone? When was the last time you heard anyone call her unfeminine? Or that Harry Potter chick, Emma something? Folks need to remember that just because they have a strong preference doesn't mean they can project that on everyone else.
Remember the Emperor's new clothes? He strutted around naked so sure everyone envied him when they were just laughing at his foolishness. Don't be the Emperor.


Thank you. Geez, every time I see a "it's just jealousy" thread/comment, I need to sit on my hands and not post. I'm saving this, to quote into the next "it's just jealousy" thread. This is way better than I could have possibly said it.



Not to mention the blatant misuse of the word "jealousy", I've stopped trying to explain the difference between jealousy and envy, because people just don't listen. DICTIONARY! DICTIONARY!

[alxardnax]

Okay, I understand everyones point on this but I don't think she meant it in an egotistical way. Everyone is getting a little too upset. Being a former long hair I definately experienced the rude comments and hints. Whether it is envy or not IT IS STILL RUDE AND HURTFUL!! It is not crazy (being a member of LHC and clearly a fan of long hair) that she would think it may stem from envy, being that she sees long hair as attractive. If I really loved baby dolls and other people were commenting on how they hate baby dolls I would probably think that they were envious because there is no possible way everyone doesn't love baby dolls. (weird example but you get my point).

Also, it is probably easier to believe that people envy you than to think they are plain mean and voice their preferences in such an unkind manner.

As for the comment BarbieDiamond (I think that is her username) made, that wasn't very kind what she said about short hair but she may have said that to make the original poster feel better.


Thank you. Geez, every time I see a "it's just jealousy" thread/comment, I need to sit on my hands and not post. I'm saving this, to quote into the next "it's just jealousy" thread. This is way better than I could have possibly said it.



Not to mention the blatant misuse of the word "jealousy", I've stopped trying to explain the difference between jealousy and envy, because people just don't listen. DICTIONARY! DICTIONARY!

[alxardnax]

I also think it is a little petty to barbeque people on the jealousy/ envy issue in other than a joking manner like NightShade. Not all people have the same level of education, speak english as a first language, or are without learning disabilities. Not to mention we are all human and make mistakes. I consider a forum to be pretty informal and as long as what people post makes decent sense then that should be enough.

Edit: I also wanted to add I think we should cut the new member some slack. I am a newer member as well but I was lucky enough to get a kind and hearty welcome because I know LHC is a great place with great people so let's show that.

[Bene]

Not directed at anyone personally, just figured this is a good spot to get these ideas out there....


There's a reason why I come out of the woodwork every so often for these threads. Mainly I stay out of them because it's mostly new people who are quick to agree that the rest of the world/society/culture HATES long hair and is trying to make everyone conform. But sometimes there needs to be a voice of opposition before people start getting all nuts about it.



For some time, I've been tossing around a hypothesis about this phenomena, it's not fully worked out, but I like to call it "The Allure of the New Hobby" I suppose the best way to paint it out is to use an analogy.



--- My friend "Sam" always had a passing interest in the environment, since we were little kids. As she got older, she did more research and it became a big thing for her. And for the most part, we generally indulged her. Most of us couldn't give a flying fart about "the environment", but it was her thing and there was no reason to argue. But then she started turning it into a fight. "You don't recycle/reuse? What's wrong with you? Don't you see how the trees and the baby fish are dying???" "How dare you use a styrofoam cup?" And, she would get angry. And then it turned into an us (people who are totally involved with saving the Earth) vs. them (people who aren't preoccupied with it) sort of thing. They would become these long drawn out arguments, and the people on the receiving end would actually get pretty extreme, like "Well, I'm glad baby seals are dying. I hope they suffer!", not because they meant it (well they did at the moment because they were frustrated), but because they found themselves on the receiving end of some absurdly heinous rants and abuse.



As the neutral party, and out of curiosity, I'd go along to Sam's environmentalist group meetings, just to see what the deal was. And as an outsider, it really looked like these people had lost their minds. They got crazy militant about some things. Something about being members of a select few gave them the okay to harass people who didn't feel as strongly about certain things? I don't know, but it was ugly. And even if they didn't go and harass complete strangers, they sat around talking about how evil those non-environmentalists were, egging each other on, encouraging others to go on the offensive about their issue. Not to mention how they subtlety encourage each other to almost create a separation between themselves, and their non-environmentalist friends and family. Kind of like a cult? "You're not with us, so your're against us. You are the enemy, and because of that I can no longer be cool with you. I have nothing left to say to you"



And as I look at other special interest groups/hobbies/lifestyles, I see that militant attitude take root pretty quickly amongst the newer members. It's US vs. Them. Them, society, culture, the current paradigm is trying to make us all into one giant hive mind, and everyone who doesn't stand up and fight it are sheep. Mindless zombies, who just follow, and who attack anyone who doesn't fit the mold.



Sound familiar?



To paraphrase all that, it's like this: I get into a new hobby/lifestyle/personal interest. I do ALL this research and meet other like-minded individuals and because there's such a concentration of them, I hear more of the bad stuff. People called girlygirlbooboo345 at so-and-so.com a long hair hippie freak. I identify with that person because we share this common long hair goal, so of course I'm going to demonize whoever insulted her. And if everyone of those people I interact with has a negative experience, I can't but help to translate that into "the entire world is against us"



But is that an accurate way to look at people who just aren't into the stuff I'm into?


And when the lay person happens upon this site and sees things like that, members INSULTING non-long hair enthusiasts, the righteous indignation, what do they take away from all of it? "Those long hair people all crazy people :bigeyes:" It becomes totally okay to leave a comment somewhere else about how gross and dirty long hair is. Those crazy long hair people have shown themselves to be zealots. I can call them whatever I want because they've made it an us vs. them thing, and as a "them" it's well within my rights to defend my personal preferences by going on the offensive.



And, I'm not sure if it's something about Western/American culture? It's a double edged sword. We, on the surface, commend individuality and free-thinkers, but then condemn those who don't agree with our own particular version of individuality. "You mean you DON'T like long hair? You've been brainwashed by the beauty industry! You're a sheep!" And seeing how we all like to think that we're precious little snowflakes, that's incredibly insulting.



And just to throw more salt on the wound, there's the envy/jealousy thing. "No, YOU as an individual don't have a legitimate preference for shorter, conventionally styled hair. You're just jealous!" It's like, "Even though YOU say you don't like x, I know better. You really like it but because you can't have it, so you s**t all over it, but I know the truth, I know what's going on in your head, I can read your mind, and because of that, I'm calling you a liar and your intentions of just stating your opinion are really your hatred for my not wanting to decorate your world". See?



And where does that leave the rest of us? The ones who just wanna share information and see progress shots and learn new stuff? What if we aren't compelled to turn this into some battle? Some of us don't want to be a part of that particular fight, and some of us are kind of compelled to be all "You know, it's kind of narcissistic to assume that someone is envious of your hair just because they say they don't like it" What if some of us just look at these threads and go "Come on now, REALLY? Do non-long hair people care THAT much about it?" And then there's people like me who go "Wait. Maybe so-and-so's mom/friend/SO/co-worker just doesn't like long hair, and they spoke out of turn. Maybe it's better to encourage the person to grow long healthy beautiful hair, instead of giving them a false sense of moral superiority over it?"



And the word usage debate about "jealousy" vs "envy", is really nothing more than a personal grammar nazi-ish pet peeve of mine, which I tend to expect other people to brush off rather than think it's a major issue. I like to use the absurdity of pointing out the wrong word usage to highlight the absurdity of the entire defiant, in your face, I'm-a-long-hair-get-used-to-it attitude.

[spidermom]

According to the dictionary (I checked two), there isn't that fine a point made of differences between the definitions for jealousy and for envy. In fact, under the definition for jealousy is the word envy as a synonym. Both definitions talk of resentment regarding something another has that you want but don't or can't have (if you read all possible uses of the word). So carry on - call it jealousy or call it envy; it's pretty much the same thing. Everybody here knows what you mean.

[swetiepeti]

my sister honestly thinks her short hair is much more functional and efficient, and my long is a "waste of time". That said, we are both RN's. I just braid and go after air drying, she blow dries, gets perms on and off and is fast friends with her curling iron. She spends way more time getting ready for work than I do. I've had short hair once and I personally thought it was a PITA compared to the ease of long hair
I'd like to mention that she has the most awesome auburn brown hair when she does not over process it that looks amazing long. I think it's more that she does not know what to do with long hair and is used to the daily routine of short

[Mesmerise]

Hmm well this debate is getting a wee bit heated ;). Let's face it, some people DO make b**chy comments out of envy, whether it's picking on a slimmer girl and calling her "skinny" or whatever because they're envious of her ability to remain slender... or, well, whatever other reason.

Sure not everyone wants and covets long hair. But I'll admit that I've felt envy seeing women with beautiful long hair! Maybe that's cause I've always loved long hair though, who knows :p. But for me, I never said or did anything unkind as a result, it was just something I felt inside myself.

So yeah, there's more than one reason for unkind comments, but one IS envy. The other may just be because the long haired person is not "conforming" to current fashion, and thus must be mocked and ridiculed :rolleyes:.

You can never attribute one single thing to any particular response. The truth is, sometimes you'll never know why someone makes some particular comment about part of yourself (whether it be your hair or something else), it could be because they're envious, it could be because they actively don't like it, it could be just because they want to find something to pick fault with.

[catamonica]

I have waist length hair. Ive gotten looks but no one says anything. Most women where I live
have midback length. Only a few have waist length or longer.

[wvgemini]

@ Bene - where's the "like" button? Could not have said it better!

[alxardnax]

For some time, I've been tossing around a hypothesis about this phenomena, it's not fully worked out, but I like to call it "The Allure of the New Hobby" I suppose the best way to paint it out is to use an analogy.



--- My friend "Sam" always had a passing interest in the environment, since we were little kids. As she got older, she did more research and it became a big thing for her. And for the most part, we generally indulged her. Most of us couldn't give a flying fart about "the environment", but it was her thing and there was no reason to argue. But then she started turning it into a fight. "You don't recycle/reuse? What's wrong with you? Don't you see how the trees and the baby fish are dying???" "How dare you use a styrofoam cup?" And, she would get angry. And then it turned into an us (people who are totally involved with saving the Earth) vs. them (people who aren't preoccupied with it) sort of thing. They would become these long drawn out arguments, and the people on the receiving end would actually get pretty extreme, like "Well, I'm glad baby seals are dying. I hope they suffer!", not because they meant it (well they did at the moment because they were frustrated), but because they found themselves on the receiving end of some absurdly heinous rants and abuse.

You make a good point but I think it is a bit irrelevant in this case. Which long hair person was harrassing people with short hair for having short hair before being attacked? Not the original poster (at least what we can gather from her post) and I certainly never did.

Now if I had tailbone length hair and told everyone they were nuts for blowdrying their hair and crazy for brushing it when wet and that short hair was ugly then that would warrant some hostility; however, that is clearly not the case in a lot of these threads that are posted about hairstylists being hurtful to people with long hair during their visits to the salon or the threads about friends, family members, and even strangers who make snide comments about their "too long" hair.

I also don't think the majority of people that do not have long hair even realize how much work that LHC type of people put into their hair. I doubt they know about the oiling, CO, WO, SMT, seamless brushes, silk pillowcases, etc that some long hair people go through. So as far as people judging long hair people as being extremists for those "rituals", it probably is not the case the majority of the time because they do not realize that they even do such things.

And when I do meet an "extremist" of some kind that tries to force their ideals or rituals (so to speak) on me, I don't disaprove of their belief system (in this case long hair), I disaprove of their behavior towards me about it. Therefore, I would not say "Your ideas disgust me." I would be more likely to say "I respect your ideas but I do not like the way in which you try to force them on me." There is a big difference.

[Bene]

You make a good point but I think it is a bit irrelevant in this case. Which long hair person was harrassing people with short hair for having short hair? Not the original poster (at least what we can gather from her post) and I certainly never did.

Now if I had tailbone length hair and told everyone they were nuts for blowdrying their and crazy for brushing it when wet and that short hair was ugly then that would warrant some hostility; however, that is clearly not the case in a lot of these threads that are posted about hairstylists being hurtful to people with long hair during their visits to the salon or the threads about friends, family members, and even strangers who make snide comments about their "too long" hair.

I also don't think the majority of people that do not have long hair even realize how much work that LHC type of people put into their hair. I doubt they know about the oiling, CO, WO, SMT, seamless brushes, silk pillowcases, etc that some long hair people go through. So as far as people judging long hair people as being extremists for those "rituals", it probably is not the case the majority of the time because they do not realize that they even do such things.

And when I do meet an "extremist" of some kind that tries to force their ideals or rituals (so to speak) on me, I don't disaprove their belief system (in this case long hair), I disaprove of their behavior towards me about it. Therefore, I would not say "Your ideas disgust me." I would be more likely to say "I respect your ideas but I do not like the way in which you try to force them on me." There is a big difference.


I don't think people, even some LHC type people, realize how LITTLE effort some of us put into our hair :laugh: Alongside the people who spend hours doing treatments and whatnot, there are those of us who just go with the flow and let it grow.



I think (and I'm not trying to tell you "you don't know because you're new" because that's a d**khead thing to do) my point is actually quite relevant in discussing how people react to certain things on this site and if you check out some of the other threads on this same exact topic, you'll see what I'm talking about. Countless responses that pretty much say "They're just jealous, they just want to make everyone conform to their standards of beauty, they're all mindless sheep, blah blah blah" The sheer number of responses like that, if just read on a superficial level, gives the impression that we're all long-hair extremist nutcases with a chip on our collective shoulder. It actually overwhelms the number of people who simply say "That person is a jerk for giving nasty unsolicited advice"


Hence comments like the "vaguely creepy" weirdos on that long hair site.


It helps, at least I think it does, if more people were vocal with the "Look, that person who made the nasty comment is a jerk. It's not that serious. Your hair looks nice and healthy, and their opinion shouldn't really matter to you. Now show me some pics!" It shows that we're not all crazy militant about the hair. The open dialogue about it not being "just jealousy" shows that LHC types are actually a variety of people.

[alxardnax]

I don't think people, even some LHC type people, realize how LITTLE effort some of us put into our hair :laugh: Alongside the people who spend hours doing treatments and whatnot, there are those of us who just go with the flow and let it grow.



I think (and I'm not trying to tell you "you don't know because you're new" because that's a d**khead thing to do) my point is actually quite relevant in discussing how people react to certain things on this site and if you check out some of the other threads on this same exact topic, you'll see what I'm talking about. Countless responses that pretty much say "They're just jealous, they just want to make everyone conform to their standards of beauty, they're all mindless sheep, blah blah blah" The sheer number of responses like that, if just read on a superficial level, gives the impression that we're all long-hair extremist nutcases with a chip on our collective shoulder. It actually overwhelms the number of people who simply say "That person is a jerk for giving nasty unsolicited advice"


Hence comments like the "vaguely creepy" weirdos on that long hair site.


It helps, at least I think it does, if more people were vocal with the "Look, that person who made the nasty comment is a jerk. It's not that serious. Your hair looks nice and healthy, and their opinion shouldn't really matter to you. Now show me some pics!" It shows that we're not all crazy militant about the hair. The open dialogue about it not being "just jealousy" shows that LHC types are actually a variety of people.

I have to agree with your first point. For some long haired people, it truly is easy to take care of and sometimes peoplecan overestimate the work that goes into it but not usually to an "extremist" level. They usually just think it takes longer to blowdry your hair than it normally does or that it is like wearing a wool blanket in the summer or that is tangles horribly and that is about the extent of it. And I also agree that it is ridiculous to think that everyone is jealous of long hair but I think that is how we console ourselves and others after being wounded. People find it therapeutic after being insulted. I think when someone online says "they are jealous of my hair or your hair," its not really something to get upset about because its in the heat of the moment and its on an online forum that a select few people see. I don't think it necessarily denotes a true belief that long hair is superior in everyday life. Saying things like that when you are really upset can be temporarily comforting and justifies your affinity of long hair. It asserts (or so you feel at the time) that You are in the right and that You are the victim. I don't take jealous claims serisouly. I understand that it is coming from someone in pain.

I know quite a few people with absolutely gorgeous long hair and I have never seen them exhibit behavior that would lead me to believe that they think long hair is better than short hair. I think it is innocent to say "they", the others, are jealous on an online forum after being insulted if it makes you feel better for a little bit as long as you don't carry that attitude around all the time in real, everyday life.

Edit: I would also like to add that I completely agree with your last paragraph. That is how people should handle it but we are an emotional species so that isn't always how things turn out, but yes, that would be a perfect response.

[BlazingHeart]

OP, I'm sorry you've had people make crappy remarks about your hair.

I think healthy hair is beautiful. My hair has been as long as hip, and as short as a failed pixie (cut by a stylist who didn't know how to cut a pixie into really thick hair, I looked like the Beatles on their first American tour crossed with a Super Mario mushroom). I have loved it at cheekbone length, and at BSL, and at waist, and at hip. I cut my hair to those lengths because I wanted to, not because anyone tried to convince me to do so. And when it was long, it was that way because I let it get that way, not because anyone tried to convince me to.

I actually kind of miss my short hair now. In the heat of summer, my hair has to be up all the time because I'm so sensitive to the heat and can't bear it (literally to the point of collapsing and fainting). But when my hair was in my cute bob, or better yet my cheekbone length cut, it was springy and cute and fluffy and emphasized my cheekbones and the nice curve of my neck/shoulderline. Having said that, I want to know just how long my hair can grow, and I'll only get there through patience. (But man what I wouldn't do for a couple more styles I could do! Dratted thick hair)

~Blaze

[spidermom]

alzard, perhaps you missed the post where somebody commented that people are jealous of long hair because their short hair could never be as beautiful.

[alxardnax]

alzard, perhaps you missed the post where somebody commented that people are jealous of long hair because their short hair could never be as beautiful.

I am assuming you meant that for me and no I didn't miss the post and I already addressed that.

I never excused bad behavior on either side, if there are sides.

Edit: I believe you are referring to the comment made by Barbie Diamond which I addressed here:

As for the comment BarbieDiamond (I think that is her username) made, that wasn't very kind what she said about short hair but she may have said that to make the original poster feel better.

Once again I will reiterate that what she said was wrong and a nasty thing to say, but has your friend never come to your defence and denounced your enemies in a similar fashion? However, I do think it was taken too far and I do not agree or condone with what she said in the least. There is a fine line between instigation and retaliation. While one is probably not better than the other, I think its just instinct to retaliate but its just plain nasty to instigate.

[florenonite]

Not to mention the blatant misuse of the word "jealousy", I've stopped trying to explain the difference between jealousy and envy, because people just don't listen. DICTIONARY! DICTIONARY!

Don't worry, Nightshade's already done it. Unfortunately, more to prove a point to myself than anything else, I looked it up in the dictionary, and my dictionary (Oxford Dictionary of English; sadly I no longer have access to the OED online since I finished uni) lists almost the exact definition of 'envy' as the first definition of 'jealousy'. When did that happen?!

I also completely agree with your other, very long, post.

[Rebecca.1905]

I am envious and jealous of most of you guys' hair. I'm not sure what the difference is because I think they're used pretty much interchangeably anymore. Point is, I lurv y'all's hair and I want it for my very own! I would love it and pet it and call it George! Er... um...

<grin>

Seriously tho, I am really jealous of a lot of the hair on this board. I'm not jealous of anyone's hair in my real life. I also don't think anyone is jealous of mine. I do have a cousin who had classic length hair in high school and cut it when she broke her arm because she said she couldn't take care of it. She's constantly telling me I won't like my hair when it reaches that length and will cut it. It's waist right now, easy to care for (that no heat thing really simplifies things!), and still doesn't seem even remotely long enough. I think she's probably jealous of my length, but not my hair as it is. If that makes sense.

[gretchen_hair]

I have a huge :thud: :thudpile: and wowza, oooooga oooooga factor with a lot of heads of hair here.

But I have never been jealous.


I also don't think that there are very many actual jealous episodes of other peoples hair. Seriously, unless someone is extremely petty and a bit off, I don't see actual *jealousy*


I see this jealous card pop up and I literally sigh and roll my eyes, it makes zero sense to me. I guess I can't wrap my head around how anyone could feel actual jealousy over someone elses hair.


Like I said, I have had many wowza moments, but never.....*that b!tch, I hate her cause her hair is outta this world*!!!! When I see someone say that they think that someone is just *jealous* of them, I personally think that person is just full of/stuck on themselves. :shrug:

[dulce]

This is my last comment on this thread as 1 find it is getting too heated.As an adult 1 have had women badger me to cut my long hair as it wasn't stylish only to tell me after 1 cut it 1 looked so much better with it long and why did 1 cut it?As a teen in high school 1 have had girls laugh at me,point and say "good,her skin has broken out'.1 was an incredibly shy teen who never even dated till my 20's so comments like these were incredibly painful at the time and only increased my shyness and insecurities. Were the comments jealousy or just meaness?Who knows?Have had several more of these types of comments[all from women] in my life but won't bother repeating them. 1 would never had said these kinds of things to another woman as they are hurtful comments and for me it is difficult to understand the motives as to why someone would deliberately set out to hurt someone with no provocation. To say someone is stuck on themselves just because they say they think someone's motives might be jealousy,you don't know the character of that person who has said that or the full extend of the situation that caused them to believe that.If you don't think women are capable of this kind of behavour[showing jealousy about all kinds of things],that's fine. 1 used to be niave when younger and think all women out there were good people[we share a sisterhood etc],at almost 60 1 realize they're not all ok and am much more careful about the type of people in my life now . There are fantastic ,loving ,supportive women out there but not all are.That's what life has taught me at almost 60..

[Avienda]

I don't think I've met anyone with true jealousy but several with hair envy. I have hair envy of several ladies on here, but I'm not jealous, just wishful! lol

[spidermom]

Don't worry, Nightshade's already done it. Unfortunately, more to prove a point to myself than anything else, I looked it up in the dictionary, and my dictionary (Oxford Dictionary of English; sadly I no longer have access to the OED online since I finished uni) lists almost the exact definition of 'envy' as the first definition of 'jealousy'. When did that happen?!

I also completely agree with your other, very long, post.

As I said earlier, envy is listed as a synonym of jealousy. (synonym = has the same or nearly the same meaning)
For envy, the definition was (in my phrasing): resentment caused by somebody receiving something you would like to have, such as your friend inherits a fortune.
For jealousy: resentment caused by somebody receiving something you worked for and feel you deserve more, as in your coworker gets the promotion that you both applied for.

[Nightshade]

It is listed as a synonym, but that doesn't mean they have the same meaning, just that it's close.

Resent is listed a a synonym for both jealousy and envy, but it is just as distinct a feeling from both words as envy is from jealousy. :)

[princessp]

What is going on in this thread? Everyone knows we need to watch out for those (insert expletive here) with longer hair than ours because those women will steal your man! So you bet I'm jealous! People who remember the "men nearly always cheat with women who have longer hair than their wives" thread/article will get my joke. :D (And for those who don't remember the thread here is a link to an article that talks about it http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1288748/What-EVERY-woman-needs-know-men-cheat--man-spent-years-talking-hundreds-unfaithful-husbands.html )

Okay not trying to pick on anyone just trying to add a little levity...carry on now....

[gretchen_hair]

I think what galls most people is that when they hear people say things like *that person is jealous because I'm smart/rich/pretty/have a good job/car/house/man/kids/I'm talented...ect etc etc*, it just makes the person sound like they have such a high opinion of themselves that they think any negative behavior towards them is all because someone is jealous of them. It makes them sound like they think they are Superior/ high and mighty/ better than others and it really makes the person sound shallow, spoiled and full of themselves.

I know girls like this, I have two friends who have daughters, they have almost identical situations, they are 19 and are strippers, they are pretty but not knock em dead and their lives are so messed up, I wouldn't want to have any part of it. Both of them have had their kids taken away due to neglect and they are not easy people to get along with. They are demanding, rude, think their families owe them a living while they strip and blow their money on drink/drugs/loser guys, etc.

I have heard them both comment, *those effin b!tches are jealous because I am prettier/ make more tips stripping/ have these men on me like dogs/ etc etc etc. When I hear these comments I cringe and want to say *wtf, are you seriously sh!tting me*????

They both make me sick with the way they treat their parents, have given zero thought to their kids while they make money and blow it on dope, run with loser guys who beat them and just use them til their money is gone and they demand that people cater to their lifestyle (which is a constant party and *eff* everyone else in the world)

I feel sorry for them, they have lost their kids, one day they won't be able to get by on their looks or body shapes and no one is going to put up with their horrible attitudes, people don't want to deal with their lifestyle, but it's *all because everyone is jealous*

It makes me aggravated that they are wasting their lives and dragging their kids and parents and other family members down with them. I just want to smack em upside the head and say *wake up now* But that isn't my place and I doubt it would work anyways. It really is sad, but that isn't the point.

[Amber_Maiden]

I agree, I think that most people think that women shouldn't have hair past a certain point- like just past the shoulders.... Its weird.

[Arya]

It's like this.

Some people are b*tchy, some people are nice.

Some people have strong preferences, others don't.

Some people like to express their opinion, some don't.


So an expressive b*tchy girl who likes long hair would be likely to say something like catty out of jealousy for your flowing locks.
An expressive b*tchy girl who hates long hair would be likely to say something catty out of disgust for your unfashionable tresses. This might be misconstrued as jealousy.

Some people don't have strong preferences, but are expressive and like to talk. They know many people donate their hair to locks of love, so wonder if your 'out of the norm' long hair is because of this reason. This might be misconstrued as jealousy.

Some people are nice and they compliment your hair regardless of their own feelings about it. Some people are nice and think they're giving you good advice to cut it, since they dislike long hair. This might be construed as jealousy.

Personally, I have strong preferences, am loud, and I'll let other people decide on the other factor. I only ever comment on what I think someone should do with their hair if they ask, or express displeasure with something regarding their hair. But truthfully, I really dislike dull, frizzy, shapeless hair, at whatever length, and envy shiny, well shaped hair that suits their face at any length!

[Kricket]

So many people have stories of people telling them to cut their hair! I'm in a situation that is the complete opposite. I should note that until three years ago I was in the habit of growing my hair out just long enough to donate and hacking it off into a pixie cut or a bob and I loved it. Even tried to convince my mother when I was 10 that she should let me shave my head.

Since we (the small female population where I am) all have to cut our hair when we arrive here, having long hair is a point of pride. I forget sometimes how much my hair has grown (it still surprises me), but at some point if it's down for a bit someone will comment on how long it is with a note of envy (or amazement) and the ladies ask me how I keep it so healthy or I got it to grow so fast. It's nice to have the encouragement from people around me and I'm sorry not all of you experience that.

I remember when I tried to cut it because I was sick of it (it was probably shoulder length) and didn't know what to do with it -- everyone was like NO!!!! I'm glad I kept it; it helps that I found LHC and now I know how to take care of my hair and fix it up. =D

[emelnd]

When I was a teenager, I have had some middle aged (women) teachers pressuring me to chop my hair off. It was plain jealousy, because for various reasons they can't have their hair long.

My mother and sister had the same problem. My mother had her hair in a long thick braid to her waist, and everyday a teacher would harass her when they were alone in the restroom about it.

My hair is not even that long yet, and it is not very thick because of the layers... It is between BSL and waist. I already am getting similar remarks from middle aged women... Sigh...

[Ashenputtel]

There are so many things I'd like to say that I don't know where to start.

A ex friend lets call her Nancy seems to think that everybody should do like her. When she've cut her hair into a bob she started commenting on how much nicer short hair is. When we went to vegas and saw a cirque du soleil show with very cheaps seat, and two of our friends were saying very close to the stage, she started to say that our seats where better. When she started to put gel in her nails she convinced everybody except me to do so. She's pretty overweight and thinks everybody looks better with a little bit of extra weight.

I'm not sure if she's envious or that she just thinks that everybody should do like her. Eitherway, I don't want to be around her anymore, it's exhausting. And I'm tired of her constant judging.

I think some people think that they have infinite wisdom and that their decisions should be done by everybody.

Maybe some people with short hair find it frustrating that long hair gets more attention when it's not always better. I'm a bit envious of people who can rock a pixie, it's really gorgeous on delicate people. With my round face and my curves it wouldn't look nice, I need bigger hair to balance me up.

I think the only solution to all of this is to stop caring about what most people think and to be with nicer people.

[WinterButterfly]

I had serious hair envy when I was younger. I had a friend with long incredibly thick wavy hair. I wanted her to cut it so I would feel like my hair was as good as hers. But then I grew my hair out. Even though I will never have her amazing aray of curls and waives or the. Insane thickness, I like my hair. And I stopped hoping she would get a haircut. Her hair is insane thick. It took me and a friend two hours and two straighneners to get her hair straightened. We only did that once. Now if I could just get over the fact that she has the perfect body...

[Lamb]

Why does everyone have such a stigma against long hair?

They don't. :shrug: You mentioned 3 people who tried to persuade you to cut your hair. That's very far from everyone.

Most people I know couldn't give a damn about other people's hair length or style, unless it's something serioulsy out of the ordinary (think punk cuts, or vivid unnatural colours). Maybe I just move in circles where loudly commenting on someone's hair is rude, and therefore not commonly done, but I honestly don't think mankind can be divided into long hair haters and long hair lovers.

(BTW, the hairdresser who tried to persuade you to get a pixie cut may well not have spoken out of jealousy. Maybe she was just spreading the good tidings - you know, like long haired people do sometimes, about the beauty and managability of a certain hair length? ;) )

[berr]

They don't. :shrug: You mentioned 3 people who tried to persuade you to cut your hair. That's very far from everyone.

Most people I know couldn't give a damn about other people's hair length or style, unless it's something serioulsy out of the ordinary (think punk cuts, or vivid unnatural colours). Maybe I just move in circles where loudly commenting on someone's hair is rude, and therefore not commonly done, but I honestly don't think mankind can be divided into long hair haters and long hair lovers.

(BTW, the hairdresser who tried to persuade you to get a pixie cut may well not have spoken out of jealousy. Maybe she was just spreading the good tidings - you know, like long haired people do sometimes, about the beauty and managability of a certain hair length? ;) )

Agrees. I get nothing but compliments. Or, wow, your hair is really long. I had one woman say I reminded her of her grandmother who had knee length hair all her life and only washed her hair in rainwater.

Personally, I don't think everyone is a 'hater'. Those that expect hate will, no doubt, perceive hate.

[Unofficial_Rose]

So 1've noticed this" phenomenon "as a long haired young girl and as an older long haired senior citizen and 1 do believe it does exist.That's my opinion.

So do I and I have short hair. I have to admit, I wouldn't try to get someone to cut their hair because it was better than mine, nor would I feel negatively towards them. But I would look and think how nice it must be to have hair like that and feel wistful. But I'm pretty sure such people exist. Although that's not everyone, some just don't like long hair.

[clarinette]

My advice to all of you who get advice to cut and random mean remarks about their hair: do not listen.
And I have conducted an experiment that you all can test out. My grandmother is my worst critic, she thinks long hair is not pretty, especially on me, and is always pestering me to cut. When I was a kid, she'd run after me with a pair of scissors to give me bangs, at least. So, a real hair ennemy lol.
Last time she came to visit, my mom was there, and we thought it would be funny to do a fake bob and see how she reacts to it. So I did that, it looked nice and straight, with a bow of course, no way to avoid that. So very preppy. She came in and said: "what on earth do you have in your hair? you look like an easter egg....", then she moved on to my mother. After a while, my mom, baffled at the absence of reaction considering my grandmother's short hair obsession , said "did you notice she cut her hair?" my grandmother turned to me and said "yes.....i see that now....well, doesn't look very good on you"
WTF. So, do not let ayone bully you into cutting. Bullies will find other ways to put you down, even if you do everything they tell you to ...

[macherie]

I don't know why people feel so willing to make very hurtful comments to us on our hair. They cannot make the same comment about another body feature - nose, face, eyes, bum or legs without big disapproval.
Now even seeing some girls hairstyles are very crazy - individual we say - we are also told to do the same. I don't agree.
Yes, they're bullies.
I don't want to look like that!

[MsHairUpdo]

Last night, me and my bestie had a stayover. Like we always used to hang out with each other, go to the beaches in bikini's and share hairstyles. But last night, my hair were up in chopsticks when she came and her hair was in a bun. She pulled out my chopsticks and let loose my hair. I dint say anything. She then took my chopsticks and put up her hair. Later I put my hair in a bun and she again pulled out my hair. This time I got very angry naturally ! So then we got into a fight and I realized that all this while she was jealous of my long hair. Before that also once we had got into a fight over bikini's but later patched up. Last night at 3 am she left my house because we had a major showdown with each other. What advice would you'll give me ?

Previously we had a major fight on the beach as she commented on my bikini and hair. So in short we both have had fights over hair many times. I dont like it when she is jealous of my hair and my updos. What a bitch !

[sarahthegemini]

I think it's quite arrogant to assume that everyone that prefers short hair/suggests shorter styles is doing so due to jealousy ....

[woolyleprechaun]

Last night, me and my bestie had a stayover. Like we always used to hang out with each other, go to the beaches in bikini's and share hairstyles. But last night, my hair were up in chopsticks when she came and her hair was in a bun. She pulled out my chopsticks and let loose my hair. I dint say anything. She then took my chopsticks and put up her hair. Later I put my hair in a bun and she again pulled out my hair. This time I got very angry naturally ! So then we got into a fight and I realized that all this while she was jealous of my long hair. Before that also once we had got into a fight over bikini's but later patched up. Last night at 3 am she left my house because we had a major showdown with each other. What advice would you'll give me ?

Previously we had a major fight on the beach as she commented on my bikini and hair. So in short we both have had fights over hair many times. I dont like it when she is jealous of my hair and my updos. What a bitch !
You seem to have raised your issue on a pretty old thread... If you are looking for advice on your situation you may be better off starting a new thread, as it's a little different to the topic on this one (people will tend to reply to the opening post, not ones further down; you don't want to get overlooked!)
May I suggest that fighting over bikinis and hair sticks is never going to end well? Perhaps talking about it rationally will help.
I'd like to answer the original topic, but it got a little heated back in 2011 :P I'll just say that people are very, very different from one another. Some are jealous/envious, some just tactless etc. I try not to judge :D

[VixenWolfMare]

Short hair cost more money. My mom has a pixi cut and it has to be trimed every 2 weeks! When she told me that i was like What.....

as for peoples remarks, my least favorite is:
"When you cut it you should donate it!"
"Its so much work, and must cost you so much money. I could never justify/ have time for all that."
"How do you get your hair that long i need it long for ______."
"oh all you need for long hair is just to never cut it right? thats not hard."

[LongCurlyTress]

In my opinion, women can be very envious and jealous of other women, especially if the other woman's hair is longer than theirs is, the other woman has a better figure than they do, etc. I think that some women who cut their hair and go with whatever is in style, kind of envy those of us who are not giving into the latest trend of hairstyle, and hence the jealousy through criticism or rude comments. Sociologists would say that if someone goes against the "norm" of what is popular in society, than society will criticize the person who is "different" ie. following their own heart and dream. The secret is to ignore the criticisms/jealousy and follow your own dreams and goals, albeit this is a very difficult thing to do. Stay strong and dear to your own heart!

[LongCurlyTress]

Nice response! ;)


What is going on in this thread? Everyone knows we need to watch out for those (insert expletive here) with longer hair than ours because those women will steal your man! So you bet I'm jealous! People who remember the "men nearly always cheat with women who have longer hair than their wives" thread/article will get my joke. :D (And for those who don't remember the thread here is a link to an article that talks about it http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1288748/What-EVERY-woman-needs-know-men-cheat--man-spent-years-talking-hundreds-unfaithful-husbands.html )

Okay not trying to pick on anyone just trying to add a little levity...carry on now....

[LongCurlyTress]

Right on! Wouldn't it be wonderful if we women could be more supportive and encouraging of each other, even if the other person has different ideas/goals? People in general can be so mean/rude to each other... but then again, there are nice people still out here too! :) The trick is to find them! ;)


I agree, I think that most people think that women shouldn't have hair past a certain point- like just past the shoulders.... Its weird.

[chen bao jun]

I think this thread should have stayed dead.
I think MsHairUpdo and her friend have jealousy issues about everything, not just about hair.
In the old days, some (not all) African American women used to have major issues about hair because they believed theirs did not grow (which it didn't, but that was due to horrible treatment, not genetics). I think this is the only group of women who ever had real hair jealousy issues and they don't anymore, so its a moot point nowadays. People make different choices. If people in your life are not with you on your choice to have long hair, that's why LHC is here, for the support you are otherwise lacking.

[LongCurlyTress]

Well stated! I like your response, May! :D


I honestly don't think people are 'jealous' over other people's long hair. I mean, it's hair...and *most*(not all) of us can grow it. I like to think if someone has shorter hair they wanted short hair. I think society puts pressure on woman to have LONG hair to be perfectly honest. I really wouldn't worry about what you *think* other people are thinking about your hair :) Enjoy your own hair and have it whatever length YOU want it and forget about everyone else because chances are they don't care.:cheese:

[woolyleprechaun]

I think this thread should have stayed dead.
I think MsHairUpdo and her friend have jealousy issues about everything, not just about hair.
In the old days, some (not all) African American women used to have major issues about hair because they believed theirs did not grow (which it didn't, but that was due to horrible treatment, not genetics). I think this is the only group of women who ever had real hair jealousy issues and they don't anymore, so its a moot point nowadays. People make different choices. If people in your life are not with you on your choice to have long hair, that's why LHC is here, for the support you are otherwise lacking.

It really should have stayed dead, very true :) But a beautiful response...

[qijino1236]

delete post

[Magalo]

Long hair get positive reactions where I live. It gets "weird" once it hits tailbone or so, but most of the time people admire and compliment it.

[daredevil14]

Adding a male perspective opinion here, I recently had my 3 years anniversary of long hair, I reached APL/BSL now with my wavy/curly hair.

Now I indeed had some experiences in the past with other males either asking me to cut it or starting issues with managers (at work, to force my cut!), or to simply discouraging me by saying that you will eventually cut it, etc... What they don't know is that my long hair is not a matter of a "trend" or a "phase". I never got negative opinions though, I always hear positive comments from both males and females regarding my hair. (In terms of length and appearance.)

Now I can't say it's "jealousy", it's more or less about their inability to confront social norms and pressure. I regularly wear it down and I live in the middle east, this would add more pressure.

And off to waist-length!

[LongCurlyTress]

I agree that anything that takes patience, commitment, time, or hard work is something people do subconsciously try to sabatoge. If women are being catty about something like long hair, sometimes they like to justify it by saying it's not real like accusing the person of having extensions. Same kind of thing for other physical attributes like, "Oh she just wear a tons of makeup, wait until she takes all of that off." Or, "Everybody can look like that if they get a lot of plastic surgery." Sometimes it's true and sometimes it's not, but that's how some jealous or envious women try to justify others' beauty.


I totally agree ElusiveMuse! At a growing rate of 1/2 inch a month, there are several in between stages of growth that are hard to go through. For me, hovering between APL and BSL took forever since I am a very curly girl, 3b, and my length kept springing up when dry and curly. But now, thankfully, I am a bit past BSL. Every inch is such an accomplishment! Hopefully to Waist in 6 more months, 3 inches from 27" now. ;)

[jacqueline101]

My co-worker told me since I couldn't cut it he would. In a no-nonsense voice with the glare of death I told him if he came near me with a pair of scissors I would kill him. It seemed to stop his encouraging me to bleach it and chop it.

He's bald just so you know.
I had a resident at my work place tell me he was going to cut my hair and I told him with scissors in my hand if he tried I'd carve him up to the point of not being recognized. No more was said.

[Seanymph]

I think this thread should have stayed dead.
I think MsHairUpdo and her friend have jealousy issues about everything, not just about hair.
In the old days, some (not all) African American women used to have major issues about hair because they believed theirs did not grow (which it didn't, but that was due to horrible treatment, not genetics). I think this is the only group of women who ever had real hair jealousy issues and they don't anymore, so its a moot point nowadays. People make different choices. If people in your life are not with you on your choice to have long hair, that's why LHC is here, for the support you are otherwise lacking.

What? Never mind!

[LongCurlyTress]

I agree with Barbie Diamond! you especially see this with older women if you buck the older lady short, permed,frizzy, coloured traditional hair do and dare to go gray and very long when you're older..especially if you wear it loose or use hair forks,sticks or flexis with different hairdos..You just learn to ignore any nasty comments and do your own thing.With short hair that's all you have,with long hair you have so many choices.It's sad more older women don't embrace long hair , yet they resent someone else for having it.strange.So far all 1 have gotten is a negative reaction from older women,younger women and men do not react this way in my experience.They are much more positive.

Dulce, your hair is beautiful! Have you checked out on Facebook, "Going Gray, Looking Great!" You will love this Facebook page. Lots of support for keeping our silvers! And some wonderful pics of our silver-haired sisters!

I think it all depends on how a woman feels with her hair long. Recently, two years ago, in fact, my curly 3b hair was in a chin length bob. Now, two years later at 55 years old, ;) I feel younger and sexier! Don't know if I look it, but as long as I feel this way, that is all that matters. Lovely hair you have!!! :) What leave-in conditioners do you use? Thanks!

[LongCurlyTress]

And of course they would give me the spiel,you're much too old for long hair!

haha.... I can totally relate to your comments Dulce! Just wanted you to know this! :)

[Seanymph]

In middle school there was this girl I was friends with. From the time I knew her (since elementary) she had short buck ashy hair and the hair at the nape always looked like it was chopped(breakage due to relaxer). She was always talking about how long my hair was!! I knew she was envious because we got into an argument one day and she mentioned my hair then she said "If I had a pair of scissors I would chop it off" and she kept repeating it over and over!! She forever kept telling me when my mother use to press (Hot comb) my hair that everything looked fine except for the edges.(I sweat, they curl up) So she kept telling me I should get a relaxer. Sooner or later I caved. My mother got my hair relaxed, by the time I got to the 8th grade my hair was a complete mess, broken off , dry, just terrible. What was MBL hair now was chin length. One day in the hallway her and a couple of other friends spotted me, and they yelled "Oh My God what happened to your hair?" I couldn't bear to tell them it broke off from the relaxer, so I lied and said I cut it. When I turned to leave they all bust out laughing , but I distinctively heard her say "I knew it would be gone" Now tell me that's not envy!!!!!

[Dandelion6]

My advice to all of you who get advice to cut and random mean remarks about their hair: do not listen.
And I have conducted an experiment that you all can test out. My grandmother is my worst critic, she thinks long hair is not pretty, especially on me, and is always pestering me to cut. When I was a kid, she'd run after me with a pair of scissors to give me bangs, at least. So, a real hair ennemy lol.
Last time she came to visit, my mom was there, and we thought it would be funny to do a fake bob and see how she reacts to it. So I did that, it looked nice and straight, with a bow of course, no way to avoid that. So very preppy. She came in and said: "what on earth do you have in your hair? you look like an easter egg....", then she moved on to my mother. After a while, my mom, baffled at the absence of reaction considering my grandmother's short hair obsession , said "did you notice she cut her hair?" my grandmother turned to me and said "yes.....i see that now....well, doesn't look very good on you"
WTF. So, do not let ayone bully you into cutting. Bullies will find other ways to put you down, even if you do everything they tell you to ...

Great story and so very true--that last sentence!

[chen bao jun]

What? Never mind!
To be historical, 30-40 years ago in the AA community it was a big deal and differentiation used to be made between those who had hair that at least reached their shoulders and those who didn't. It was wrong, but it definitely happened. As a result, there was some vicious jealousy and you really literally could get beaten up and threatened for having 'long hair' --and not just among school age girls, either. However, nowadays with the acceptance of natural AA hair, websites showing how it can be grown long and also the very wide availability of hairweaves and extensions, this is just not the issue that it once was. And I don't think women of other ethnicities ever had the same issues with hair jealousy, since 'long hair' in other communities doesn't have the same meaning (it's so closely tied with sad issues from history, in ours). That is, I don't think it was ever the case that you could get beaten up for your hair length in other communities, but maybe I am unaware. I am willing to be corrected, if I am wrong.
And as I said, it was never the whole community having these issues, only certain sections. Sorry if I offended in some way, but this is what I saw and experienced in the 60's and 70's, and it wasn't just isolated incidents, either.

[AliD]

I know for a fact that some people do actually envy me for my hair and this is because they not only show it in their actions but openly admit that they do envy me for it and they wish they could have it. Its actually pretty common at my school seeing that its an all-girls school and most of the girls here have short hair due to lack of knowledge, ethnicity and the abundance of cornrows, weaves and such(they don't wear weaves to school though). Most people that taunted long hairs to get a chop were really jus trying to get them down , once I wore a fake bob to school and all the people who told me I should cut my hair were actually quite pleased to tell me they thought it looked bad on me -.- and an indian friend of mine had almost classic hair and got an ear length bob and everyone in the school was talking about saying she shouldn't have done it blah blah just to show my point! Plus here once you have naturally long hair then it automatically makes you more attractive to the majority of the population... I don't know why but it just does :shrug: so of course other girls want you to be less attractive than them. I live in Jamaica by the way...other people from the Caribbean should be able to relate

[leslissocool]

It's like this.

Some people are b*tchy, some people are nice.

Some people have strong preferences, others don't.

Some people like to express their opinion, some don't.


So an expressive b*tchy girl who likes long hair would be likely to say something like catty out of jealousy for your flowing locks.
An expressive b*tchy girl who hates long hair would be likely to say something catty out of disgust for your unfashionable tresses. This might be misconstrued as jealousy.

Some people don't have strong preferences, but are expressive and like to talk. They know many people donate their hair to locks of love, so wonder if your 'out of the norm' long hair is because of this reason. This might be misconstrued as jealousy.

Some people are nice and they compliment your hair regardless of their own feelings about it. Some people are nice and think they're giving you good advice to cut it, since they dislike long hair. This might be construed as jealousy.

Personally, I have strong preferences, am loud, and I'll let other people decide on the other factor. I only ever comment on what I think someone should do with their hair if they ask, or express displeasure with something regarding their hair. But truthfully, I really dislike dull, frizzy, shapeless hair, at whatever length, and envy shiny, well shaped hair that suits their face at any length!





Yup, that's how I see it too mostly. I'm the opposite, I'm not very vocal about my likes rather I try to focus on what they like :lol:. If I suggest something is mostly because I remember them liking something like that or telling me, my taste is pretty weird.


I know for a fact that some people do actually envy me for my hair and this is because they not only show it in their actions but openly admit that they do envy me for it and they wish they could have it. Its actually pretty common at my school seeing that its an all-girls school and most of the girls here have short hair due to lack of knowledge, ethnicity and the abundance of cornrows, weaves and such(they don't wear weaves to school though). Most people that taunted long hairs to get a chop were really jus trying to get them down , once I wore a fake bob to school and all the people who told me I should cut my hair were actually quite pleased to tell me they thought it looked bad on me -.- and an indian friend of mine had almost classic hair and got an ear length bob and everyone in the school was talking about saying she shouldn't have done it blah blah just to show my point! Plus here once you have naturally long hair then it automatically makes you more attractive to the majority of the population... I don't know why but it just does :shrug: so of course other girls want you to be less attractive than them. I live in Jamaica by the way...other people from the Caribbean should be able to relate


I have had people ( and I'm very mixed) that are jealous of my hair tell me, to my face that's the kind of people who instead of telling me "cut it" tell me "gosh I hate how thick it looks! Mine was like that and it started thinning!". And it was jealousy, because she felt very self conscious about her hair thinning. Another one damaged her hair and wanted help. Another one, I was at a party and my hair was down, she came with hair up, said hi to me and then gave me dirty looks and didn't speak to me the rest of the night because her BF complimented my hair (I didn't know he was her BF, I had was right next to my husband, no flirting or weird anything involved just a "woah nice hair!). So yes, sometimes is just jealousy or envy. One person I was just talking to DH about kept complaining about how annoying her extensions were and how annoying long hair was and how can I live with that, it must be so annoying and I should cut it ect ect, next time I saw her her she had hair glued on permanently and was saying she needed a hot oil treatment :confused:. That's an angled bob girl (eventually she cut it again). And obviously, that's the kind of people I cut off from my life, I felt kind of looked down on and attacked because of how much she hated long hair (yet, she wanted that).

But personally I wand my friends to tell me that they hate me because my hair looks so good instead of trying to sabotage me :shrug:. To me finding those are like finding gold, because I know they are direct with me. I'm a very straightforward person, get to the point and tell me how you feel damn it, I don't want to dance around it!

[spirals]

I am going to add this thread to say that sometimes it is jealousy. I had a friend recently jump down my throat about my hair, which I posted about. Bene kindly pointed out that it was probably out of frustration with my talking about it a lot. I agree; it was that this time. But the last time my friend did this, she admitted later she had been picking at me due to jealousy. The workd jealousy came out of her mouth, not mine. It does happen. It stinks.

[Seanymph]

To be historical, 30-40 years ago in the AA community it was a big deal and differentiation used to be made between those who had hair that at least reached their shoulders and those who didn't. It was wrong, but it definitely happened. As a result, there was some vicious jealousy and you really literally could get beaten up and threatened for having 'long hair' --and not just among school age girls, either. However, nowadays with the acceptance of natural AA hair, websites showing how it can be grown long and also the very wide availability of hairweaves and extensions, this is just not the issue that it once was. And I don't think women of other ethnicities ever had the same issues with hair jealousy, since 'long hair' in other communities doesn't have the same meaning (it's so closely tied with sad issues from history, in ours). That is, I don't think it was ever the case that you could get beaten up for your hair length in other communities, but maybe I am unaware. I am willing to be corrected, if I am wrong.
And as I said, it was never the whole community having these issues, only certain sections. Sorry if I offended in some way, but this is what I saw and experienced in the 60's and 70's, and it wasn't just isolated incidents, either.


Not offended at all. I know the history of lightskin/darkskin good/bad hair. And I know of the horror stories of girls getting chased down with a pair of scissors for having long hair. Just the part where you stated "they don't have jealousy issues anymore". Some black women might not have that mentality anymore, but most still do. I live in Harlem, and the death rays you get if you have long hair is crazy, God forbid you have different texture hair!!!! Even with the acceptance of natural hair, there is still even jealousy and hierarchy within the natural community. It's ridiculous!!!!

[jessicac1]

I agree that people for some reason are a bit funny when it comes to long hair.
I want to grow to waist and most of my family find that odd. My partner loves long hair though so I have him on side :p.
Routines like CO and no hairdryer annoy my family (no idea why), they find it odd.
And using oils is also a bit of a mystery to them.

I saw a girl with nice waist+ length hair, I said to my brother "thats the length I am aiming for" and he said its the same length as what I had (BSL)... Lol.

[riceball]

Six years ago I had a cute pixie cut that I really enjoyed. All my coworkers had loooong hair. I was not "jealous" or envious of them. In fact I didn't care about the hair difference. I liked my hair and they liked theirs.

Honestly I don't think people really care that much about hair either way. Both short styles and long styles can be feminine and stylish. It depends on how you wear it and also with the rest of your outfit.

If anyone envies my thick waist length hair now, I take it as a compliment :) I think people make too big a deal out of this stuff.

[chen bao jun]

Not offended at all. I know the history of lightskin/darkskin good/bad hair. And I know of the horror stories of girls getting chased down with a pair of scissors for having long hair. Just the part where you stated "they don't have jealousy issues anymore". Some black women might not have that mentality anymore, but most still do. I live in Harlem, and the death rays you get if you have long hair is crazy, God forbid you have different texture hair!!!! Even with the acceptance of natural hair, there is still even jealousy and hierarchy within the natural community. It's ridiculous!!!!

Seems like I was having wishful thinking. I know a fair amount of people nowadays who have had success with growing afro-type hair that used to be thought to be ungrowable and perhaps the knowledge is not as widespread as I thought. I also know a fair amount of people wearing their natural hair and seeming happy with it. It really seemed an improvement, too bad its not that way everywhere.
It was a nightmare back in the day to live in a entirely black neighborhood and have long hair, and if you were also light-skinned, forget it. Being chased down with a pair of scissors would have been minor compared to some of the things that happened to me, my sister, my cousins and my nieces. My cousin had her face shoved into the toilet bowl while they hacked her hair off. Me and my sister had cigarettes put out on our forearms, and a girl dug a lead pencil point into my sister's leg until she bled and then explained to the teacher that she was ''looking for the black under all that yellow." I had a niece stuffed into a trash can. And this is far from all that happened. Years later, you still cannot share these stories in the black community and get any response other than something like, 'well, under slavery light skinned blacks got to work in the house and gave away slave rebellions' as if that is good reason to torture an 8 year old who never heard anything about this, over 100 years later (if its even true, which I doubt). It's like they are saying, stuff it, you deserved it, not very subtly either.
Nowadays even if you don't want to go the trouble of growing long hair, you can buy long hair-- there are some weaves out there that I can't tell from real hair (though they are expensive). It seems like the little black girl with long hair is not an anomaly anymore, whether from a weave or from more information about handling curly hair types and that thus the situation should be improved. One would hope.
And I really don't think that anything remotely comparable happens among white or Asian women.

[Seanymph]

Seems like I was having wishful thinking. I know a fair amount of people nowadays who have had success with growing afro-type hair that used to be thought to be ungrowable and perhaps the knowledge is not as widespread as I thought. I also know a fair amount of people wearing their natural hair and seeming happy with it. It really seemed an improvement, too bad its not that way everywhere.
It was a nightmare back in the day to live in a entirely black neighborhood and have long hair, and if you were also light-skinned, forget it. Being chased down with a pair of scissors would have been minor compared to some of the things that happened to me, my sister, my cousins and my nieces. My cousin had her face shoved into the toilet bowl while they hacked her hair off. Me and my sister had cigarettes put out on our forearms, and a girl dug a lead pencil point into my sister's leg until she bled and then explained to the teacher that she was ''looking for the black under all that yellow." I had a niece stuffed into a trash can. And this is far from all that happened. Years later, you still cannot share these stories in the black community and get any response other than something like, 'well, under slavery light skinned blacks got to work in the house and gave away slave rebellions' as if that is good reason to torture an 8 year old who never heard anything about this, over 100 years later (if its even true, which I doubt). It's like they are saying, stuff it, you deserved it, not very subtly either.
Nowadays even if you don't want to go the trouble of growing long hair, you can buy long hair-- there are some weaves out there that I can't tell from real hair (though they are expensive). It seems like the little black girl with long hair is not an anomaly anymore, whether from a weave or from more information about handling curly hair types and that thus the situation should be improved. One would hope.
And I really don't think that anything remotely comparable happens among white or Asian women.


My God, My God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those stories :bigeyes: No one should go through this torture and yes the way some black people try to justify these horrible actions, just shows pure ignorance. Natural hair has come a long way. Most black women are learning to embrace what was once deemed unmanageable, unkempt etc. But even so with the natural hair movement there are still those black people who have a problem with nappy, kinky hair shown in all its glory. There is no mistaken the sly remarks of needing to get your hair fix, someone needs to rake a comb through hair....... Even naturals are having as they call it "curl envy" Wanting someone elses texture!!! You even see comments about having the "right texture" to be able to go natural!! I won't even touch on weaves and the whole "if you can't grow, it sew it" because at the end of the day it's still fake, and it isn't yours. The point i'm trying to make is the goodhair/badhair mentality is still ingrain deeply in the black community. You can't erase centuries of brainwashing with some Ms. Jessies hair product and eco styler.

[chen bao jun]

@Seanymph, I guess it's just one step improvement at a time. I'm glad its better than it was before, though, even if not perfect.

[Michiru]

I think it also depends on location. I move to south CA recently and many people have hair past elbow so people don't comment on mine like they use to in MD.

[YamaMaya]

I haven't felt a whole lot of Jealousy aimed at my hair at about mid back length, nor any rude comments. Maybe I'm just lucky. If anyone dared tell me to donate my hair I'd tell them just what they can do with their opinions ;)

[alexis917]

I don't think hair being long or short determines its beauty.
My family is rather biased against long hair with the exception of my mom, as my one aunt has very damaged, badly abused hair thats almost classic that she lets her cats play with. It's ratty and gross, honestly.
She motivates me to take better care of my hair...I don't want to have her hair!
Once I get around mid back length, family members start encouraging a chop.

[Komao]

Well, after I just cut my waist length hair, SIL looked quite happy when she saw me, and said "oh, your hair WAS so pretty and thick and long!"

Umm. Never ONCE did she give me a compliment, UNTIL IT WAS GONE. It definitely felt a bit mean of her.

I promptly told her I was growing it back and she was like, well why did you cut it then? I explained briefly and she didn't say anything more.

But now when my hair gets long again I sorta know that she admires and envies it, LOL! She doesn't have to say it because she just told me...

Your hair does look fabulously thick. I'm sure with hair like yours you could wear it lots of different lengths and it would be the envy of people like her. :)

[goldenlady]

In the UK.. long hair seems to make people jealous. Many people here seem to treat their hair very badly.. so it never grows.. My hair not even that long (MBL) and I'm always getting asked whether I have extensions! Many of the women my age seem to use extensions as the long hair look is very coveted. I once got told that I was very 'lucky' to have long hair.. yeh like luck was involved in the years I've spent growing and caring for it!

[Komao]

Seems like I was having wishful thinking. I know a fair amount of people nowadays who have had success with growing afro-type hair that used to be thought to be ungrowable and perhaps the knowledge is not as widespread as I thought. I also know a fair amount of people wearing their natural hair and seeming happy with it. It really seemed an improvement, too bad its not that way everywhere.
It was a nightmare back in the day to live in a entirely black neighborhood and have long hair, and if you were also light-skinned, forget it. Being chased down with a pair of scissors would have been minor compared to some of the things that happened to me, my sister, my cousins and my nieces. My cousin had her face shoved into the toilet bowl while they hacked her hair off. Me and my sister had cigarettes put out on our forearms, and a girl dug a lead pencil point into my sister's leg until she bled and then explained to the teacher that she was ''looking for the black under all that yellow." I had a niece stuffed into a trash can. And this is far from all that happened. Years later, you still cannot share these stories in the black community and get any response other than something like, 'well, under slavery light skinned blacks got to work in the house and gave away slave rebellions' as if that is good reason to torture an 8 year old who never heard anything about this, over 100 years later (if its even true, which I doubt). It's like they are saying, stuff it, you deserved it, not very subtly either.
Nowadays even if you don't want to go the trouble of growing long hair, you can buy long hair-- there are some weaves out there that I can't tell from real hair (though they are expensive). It seems like the little black girl with long hair is not an anomaly anymore, whether from a weave or from more information about handling curly hair types and that thus the situation should be improved. One would hope.
And I really don't think that anything remotely comparable happens among white or Asian women.

I feel really sorry for all that you and family members had to endure just because of your long hair. What a world, sometimes. Why can't people appreciate all kinds of beauty. Instead of being jealous to enjoy all the variety and enrich your lives.
It's one thing to go through situations as an adult but its terrible as a child. Just wanted to express some sympathy for what some cruel people are responsible for. :grouphug: Hopefully this will not happen for future generations.

[chen bao jun]

Thanks for your kind remarks, KatieLou. Yes, hopefully this will not happen for future generations.
On another note, that's a beautiful poem in your siggy. Who is it by? I don't recognize it and I like it.

[Komao]

chen bao jun, I'm relatively new on this forum and when I needed a signature, I went searching for a poem about love for long hair. I saw this and I liked it. The author is Frederick Locker and the name of the poem is, My Only Love. Glad you liked it:heartbeat

[Komao]

Watch this, I think you'll like it.
http://youtu.be/5ADisa_jH_s

[chen bao jun]

Nothing came up--I just got a big black box. It's not clickable.

[AnqeIicDemise]

I have a neutral b!tch face. No one tells me jack or they get The Stank Eye. (Little do they know its because I'm usually sleep deprived and want to catch some Zzzs). Maybe that's why I don't get much sass about my long hair. Its probably one of those 'I should tell her she should donate or cut her hair for easier--- wait, no, she might stab me with that stick!'

I usually get complimented and my stylist won't cut more than two inches at a time.

...

You know, its probably because I'm so sleep deprived that I don't hear anything negative. Its too early for me to care. Either way, selective hearing at its finest.

Let the haters hate, you keep on doing what makes you happy

[Silver Sister]

1 guess in my case , it's because of nasty unsolicitated comments made to my face in my experience.Am not talking about people just giving an unwanted opinion,but truly nasty comments meant to deliberately hurt/put someone down.1t's easy to spot the motive in those cases.

There are childhood bullies and sadly, some people remain bullies in adulthood. (BTW, I'm jealous of your beautiful silver hair!! )

[Komao]

Hopefully this link will work,
http://youtu.be/5ADisa_jH_s

[ZenaZoo]

That video is awesome!

[mariakatija]

I'm always encouraging people to grow their hair longer. :P

[Ambystoma]

I've never had any nasty comments (yet), although I've had quite a few genuinely sweet compliments :shrug:

[SongofLove]

No nasty comments really, just the "when are you going to donate it?" question from the hairdressers :D

[Bagginslover]

I do think that things which take a lot of patience, like growing out your hair in a healthful way, can sometimes cause others, who want instant gratification results similar to what you've worked for, to kind of try to pull you back even with them. Does that make sense?
Like if a friend is working really hard to lose weight through diet and exercise, and she goes out to lunch with a friend who pressures her to split a dessert, when she doesn't want to blow her diet.

Certainly not everyone with short hair is unfeminine or jealous.

Bolded-THIS. I've had quite a few women tell me how beautiful my hair is, and tell me how they wish theirs was long and pretty too, then in the next breath say they can't be bothered to wait for it to grow, why don't I chop mine off?! The way they pair up the 'cant be bothered' with the 'you should cut' does make me think that if they can't have it long, I shouldn't either. Of course I don't listen, I just tell them no, and that it hasn't seemed a long time at all for mine to grow, why don't they just stop cutting nd see what happens? They never do though.

I do agree that not everyone is jealous or envious, but almost all people who comment do want you to be like them, or different to how you are already, which can come across that way.

[MonaMayfair]

Bolded-THIS. I've had quite a few women tell me how beautiful my hair is, and tell me how they wish theirs was long and pretty too, then in the next breath say they can't be bothered to wait for it to grow, why don't I chop mine off?! The way they pair up the 'cant be bothered' with the 'you should cut' does make me think that if they can't have it long, I shouldn't either. Of course I don't listen, I just tell them no, and that it hasn't seemed a long time at all for mine to grow, why don't they just stop cutting nd see what happens? They never do though.

I do agree that not everyone is jealous or envious, but almost all people who comment do want you to be like them, or different to how you are already, which can come across that way.

I think most people like different lengths and colors (like lots of people on this site who have mostly decided to stick with long hair even though occasionally think they'd like to change it)
A person can admire your long hair and be genuine when they say "Oh I'd love to have very long hair" but at the same time also love shorter styles, and the fun of changing hair color more often.

They could also be insincere. I'm always telling people how nice their ultra long, decorated fingernails look even though they gross me out, because I want to make them feel good, and I know they're proud of their nails and the effort they've put into their appearance.
Yes it's a big lie, but that's what I call Social Skills, lol!

[MonaMayfair]

Bolded-THIS. I've had quite a few women tell me how beautiful my hair is, and tell me how they wish theirs was long and pretty too, then in the next breath say they can't be bothered to wait for it to grow, why don't I chop mine off?! The way they pair up the 'cant be bothered' with the 'you should cut' does make me think that if they can't have it long, I shouldn't either. Of course I don't listen, I just tell them no, and that it hasn't seemed a long time at all for mine to grow, why don't they just stop cutting nd see what happens? They never do though.

I do agree that not everyone is jealous or envious, but almost all people who comment do want you to be like them, or different to how you are already, which can come across that way.

I think most people like different lengths and colors (like lots of people on this site who have mostly decided to stick with long hair even though occasionally think they'd like to change it)
A person can admire your long hair and be genuine when they say "Oh I'd love to have very long hair" but at the same time also love shorter styles, and the fun of changing hair color more often.

They could also be insincere. I'm always telling people how nice their ultra long, decorated fingernails look even though they gross me out, because I want to make them feel good, and I know they're proud of their nails and the effort they've put into their appearance.
Yes it's a big lie, but that's what I call Social Skills, lol!