Question about kid with different hair type

[ennuideluxe]

My apologies if this is the in the wrong forum. It's kind of a parenting question but more of a hair question.

My 10 y.o. DD wants to grow her hair out to ankle length, and it's currently APL. This is the longest shes ever had it because she seems to have hair disasters around this point that require a cut. For example, last time she got to APL, she somehow ended up with a spiderweb of hot glue on her hair from a craft she was doing. You know those fine little strings of glue that come away from the tip? Yep,. there were dozens upon dozens in her hair, along with some blobs for good measure. Sigh.

Her hair is different from mine in that Im mostly straight and she's got strong waves/almost curls. Also, her hair doesnt seem to be a uniform texture. She has baby fine strands of pale blonde mixed with much coarser strands of a coppery color.

As a result, what works for me doesnt always or even usually work for her. I don't want to use her as a human guinea pig, but how on earth can I figure out what will help her reach her hair goals, without hurting her head or having to go out and buy yet another set of elastics, clips, treatments and so on?

Are there any of you out there with a similar type of hair that might be willing to give me a few pointers that are appropriate for an active, hates-being-fussed-over-for-too-long kid?

Thanks!

[torrilin]

At 10, she's old enough to largely handle her hair care herself. And since she's going to get a lot taller fairly soon, certainly long before she'll reach ankle length... better to start NOW.

At her age, I could barely do a ponytail by myself. If you are encouraging and help her, she can probably learn to do half ups, ponytails, pigtails and twin braids by herself even if her hair is pretty thick. The sooner she learns to put her hair up in comfortable styles, the less damage her hair will take. And the more comfortable options she has, the more she can indulge in benign neglect. For an active kid, this is a big deal. And since she's into crafts, being able to tie her hair back to protect it will be good, both for her hair and for her safety. I think it's very reasonable for you to share hair videos with her too.

As far as tools and hair care routines... a lot of curly hair does not do well with brushing. And for reasons that make no sense to me, a lot of kids seem to be not allowed to use conditioner. I've been using conditioner since I was tiny, and since my hair is the sort of fine hair that forms horrible dreadlocks, it was a must. Without conditioner it's impossible to detangle my hair. I also went through gallons of the Johnson and Johnson No More Tangles spray. Not very curl friendly, but I think it's more important for kids to be comfortable handling their own hair than for them to have perfect hair. Talk with your daughter and ask her what she wants to do. It's only hair, so if she messes it up or makes a bad decision it will grow back. And the respect and trust will do wonders for her as she gets older.

[ennuideluxe]

Thanks so much.

We just watched a few videos, and she is enthralled with some of the new styles she just saw. I told her that she can have hair as long as she wants, provided it's properly maintained. She's starting to be able to make a decent looking ponytail, and can also use clips like a pro. I'll have to teach her to braid now, I think shes got enough patience to try it without getting discouraged. Maybe strips of fabric first though, until she gets the hang of it?

I tried her with no conditioner for all of once, as I had heard rave reviews. Never again! She shall always have as much conditioner as she needs, because that "going without" thing just does NOT work for her at all. Thanks for the idea about the no more tangles spray-- havent tried that on her.

The thing that resonated most with me about your reply, and I cant thank you enough for this, is that she ought to be comfortable rather than perfect. While I'm pretty hands-off about how she dresses, I never thought much about it as far as hair in particular goes. It will be my new mantra! :)

[BlazingHeart]

I think yarn is better for learning to braid than fabric. Start with 3 pieces of yarn and teach her a basic plait, and when she can do that well, increase the number of pieces of yarn (by multiples of 3, so it always divides into 3 easily for braiding). When she can manage 15, I'd say that's plenty to start teaching on hair. It will probably be easier to braid your hair than braid her own, if you can tolerate letting her do that - then she will be able to see more easily what varying the tension does, for example. Give her a couple tries at your hair, and then set her on her own hair.

If she's very wavy/wurly, she may do better conditioner only, which wouldn't necessitate new products, just a change in how you use the products (unless she uses cones right now, in which case you probably need to go no-cones for CO - the VO5s and Suaves that don't have cones in them are very popular for that). A leave-in spray is a HUGE help with hair at that age, to deal with tangles. I don't think I would have survived childhood without mine. Are you brushing her hair or combing it? A wide-toothed seamless comb is a must for the more textured hair types, both for comfort and for looks.

Then there's the basics of technique: make sure she spends a good long time rinsing out her shampoo, teach her to comb starting at the tips not the roots, that sort of thing. If she wants her hair to get to ankle length, updos are something she's going to want to learn pronto, both because it will protect her hair from what she's doing and because it will reduce the pain of getting tangled in what she's doing (Yes, that's speaking from experience. Monkey bars + long hair + dangling earrings + lace = OUCH!) The more she protects her hair, the longer she'll be able to grow it and have it look nice.

~Blaze

[QueenJoey]

She has my kind of hair, but mine is straighter. But I do have that hair where some strands are fine and really light, and others are more coarse and of a different color. When I have to choose hair products for different hair types, I go with the one formulated for fine hair.

[Mesmerise]

Well I'm not sure I have any specific advice for your DD's hair...but I do know how challenging it is when you've got a child whose hair just doesn't behave the way you're used to with your own!

My hair is not too thick, fairly fine, and doesn't tangle much. By the time I was 8 I was doing my own hair because my mum never had long hair herself and had no clues how to do ponytails and pigtails and stuff very well! I taught myself to French braid when I was about 8 as well (although I wasn't very good haha).

Anyway, my DD also has fine hair, but hers is soooo much thicker and tangles like CRAZY! Mine, even though it's much longer, I can literally detangle in seconds. I can wash and condition and then run a wide tooth comb straight through my hair with hardly any knots (sure I get them occasionally... but not usually those that take ages and ages to detangle). On the other hand, my DD used to have waist length hair that was thick all the way down, and it would take me a good 45minutes to 1 hour to detangle each time I washed it (despite slathering conditioner on in massive amounts and letting it soak in). There was no way she could learn to care for it herself!

I finally let her chop it off and gave her an undercut so she'd have a "manageable" amount of hair to learn to groom herself. Without the undercut she literally can't get all her knots out, even with chin length hair (she's 9, an age where I could do a lot with my own hair and never needed any help from my mum at all). She wants to be independent with her hair and hates me brushing it! She also wants to start growing it long again too, which is great, but only if she can look after it herself! I would LOVE to know how to stop her hair from becoming so knotty!! I used to braid her hair every night when it was long in an attempt to stop it getting so tangly at night (she's obviously a restless sleeper), at a time before LHC when it would never have occurred to me to braid my own hair overnight! But even so it would take a bit of effort to detangle in the morning and tie it up for school!

Hmm as for not brushing wavy/curly hair. Now, I totally understand not brushing if you want to wear your curls loose because they get all frizzy. But what if your hair is dry and you're trying to do an updo?? Do most curlies/wavies brush their hair before doing an updo? (I certainly do or it'd be much more difficult...and I find brushing gently is less painful on wavy hair that has a few knots, than combing...unless the hair is wet). I only ever comb my hair when wet, but I'd always brush my hair at night when dry, and in the morning! I can't imagine only using a comb on my DD's hair (which is wavy) to get her tangles out in the morning!! I now have a Tangle Teezer for her hair, and while she seems to like it, she still finds it hard to get those underneath tangles out with it.

Anyway, when DD's hair is a dry, knotty mess, I'd always have her brush it, because it was gentler than combing and seemed more effective!

As for growing ankle length hair... I think it's fine to start growing hair that long if you can take care of it yourself! (Or if you don't mind someone else helping you with it, provided that person is happy to do so). I know my DD couldn't handle it... and I don't even think she'll be handling waist any time soon, although it looks absolutely gorgeous on her thick, shiny hair! Still, ankle length takes years, and generally if you can care for your hair at APL, you adapt to caring for your hair at BSL...then at waist... and so on.

[Anje]

I'd suggest you read about the Curly Girl method of haircare. It may or may not be the ideal way to deal with her hair, but it's certainly an approach that works for many people with curly hair.

Definitely also try Condition-Wash-Condition (CWC) and Conditioner-Only (CO) as cleansing methods -- both will help keep her hair moisturized, will enhance the curls, and will provide some extra slip.

I agree with teaching her to braid with some yarn, but then get her trying it with her own hair fairly quick, because the feel is rather different. Maybe start with braided pigtails (you might want to help her get the part right at first). If she keeps it in braids or buns, it's less likely to fall prey to disasters, and it'll be a lot easier to handle than loose hair as she grows it longer.

Finally, try detangling her hair only when it's totally saturated with conditioner. That should help reduce pulling and breakage. Get it so it's section-y when it's rinsed, don't ruffle it when you/she dries it (turban or blot only), and use the sections it's already in for braiding and styling.

[chahuahuas]

I'd suggest you read about the Curly Girl method of haircare. It may or may not be the ideal way to deal with her hair, but it's certainly an approach that works for many people with curly hair.

Definitely also try Condition-Wash-Condition (CWC) and Conditioner-Only (CO) as cleansing methods -- both will help keep her hair moisturized, will enhance the curls, and will provide some extra slip.

I agree with teaching her to braid with some yarn, but then get her trying it with her own hair fairly quick, because the feel is rather different. Maybe start with braided pigtails (you might want to help her get the part right at first). If she keeps it in braids or buns, it's less likely to fall prey to disasters, and it'll be a lot easier to handle than loose hair as she grows it longer.

Finally, try detangling her hair only when it's totally saturated with conditioner. That should help reduce pulling and breakage. Get it so it's section-y when it's rinsed, don't ruffle it when you/she dries it (turban or blot only), and use the sections it's already in for braiding and styling.

I agree with most of this, except maybe some elaboration on a few points:

If you she wants to use the CWC method, I suggest using a sulfate-free shampoo. I prefer california baby super sensitive shampo & body wash, because it's very gentle.
Also, try to look for a conditioner without cones.
If she wants to wear it down & not in an updo or braid, try to avoid the "towel turban." Terrycloth will frizz up wavy/curly hair something awful, and "turban-ing" it can stretch out waves & curls, especially ones that are not very tight. Blot only (or airdry), and do it with microfiber or t-shirts. These are smoother & won't rough up her hair, which would cause frizz.

[Sunshineliz]

My wurly curly girl is only 5 and for us the biggest thing has been to tame frizzies so the CO washing worked wonderfully. Brushing for her doesn't work well. I second the detangling in the shower with fingers and lots of conditioner, and then patting dry with something smooth like a T-shirt. If your daughter is more wavy than curly she can probably get away with some brushing just fine, but I would highly recommend the boar bristle brush (for anyone who wants to brush) as it is very gentle and smoothes the cuticle. But if brushing produces poof and frizz you should probably stick to detangling only in the shower (fingers or seamless wide-tooth comb.) For most curlies "presentable" will definitely not include brushing!:) The Curly Girl book is a great read.

I learned braiding on my doll's yarn hair and it's a great way to learn. If she's serious about it she can learn plenty of fun ways to do her own hair (or ask you if that's what she wants.) Out of the way is great for preventing damage.

My DD10 has tailbone-length hair and generally takes care of it ok--but she's only a little wavy. She likes doing english braids and ponytails and asks me to do her hair a lot still. She mostly is just learning haircare by watching me! But I had to cringe today when she started brushing her hair with Daddy's brush--nylon with ball bristles :shudder: But I'm not going to control her every hair move (although I'll politely tell her that's not a good brush to use.)

ETA: Mesmerise many curlies can do updos just running fingers through their hair and don't need the brush. I've seen them do it and it looks great. Sometimes they smooth it a little when done with a comb.

[chahuahuas]

For most curlies "presentable" will definitely not include brushing!:) The Curly Girl book is a great read.


I double agree with this! Brushes = the devil (except in special cases, like before/in the shower, and a tangle teezer is much nicer than traditional brushes.)

http://oneshan.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/9780761156789-jpg.jpg (http://oneshan.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/9780761156789-jpg.jpg)

And definitely get the new Curly Girl handbook (http://www.amazon.com/Curly-Girl-Lorraine-Massey/dp/0761123008)! (as opposed to the old version, because the new version has more content which is updated, and presented in a streamlined way.) Also, I suggest getting the hardcopy, since it comes with a DVD with videos on updos and other things. I plan on taking mine to the drugstore as a reference when I'm looking through ingredients of products. (the CG book has lists of what ingredients are harmful.) Even if you don't like the exact CG method, it the book sooo much quality information on hair. For example, even alot of straight-haired girls like co-washing (and sometimes with no-cone.) Also, it has recipes for homemade hair treatments!

It's also great for loaning out to friends when they say "Wow, your daughter's hair is sooo gorgeous, how do you do it?!" :p As a reformed CG, I feel responsible for spreading the word to other curlies and wavies. :)

[lapushka]

Seconding the Curly Girl method.

You could also take a look at Teri LaFlesh's site: http://www.tightlycurly.com

Tightlycurly has a great method (leaving in plain conditioner after shampooing or using the conditioner only method). You might need to leave in less conditioner for less curly, more wavy hair (start with a little, move up to more as needed). Oh, just never use regular conditioner as a leave-in directly on the scalp, though (it's on the site). Anyway, the same method *can* be used for looser curl types! Most definitely!

Also seconding the tangle teezer and a wide-tooth comb and using that on wet, well-conditioned hair.

[Roscata]

I recommend
- CO washes (the best tip I got for that is to dilute the conditioner that goes on your scalp with water from 1/1 to 1/5 some experimenting might be necessary AND to use a thicker conditioner on the length)
- Reading stuff about curly hair (these are some free online options): Live curly live free (http://www.livecurlylivefree.com/curly%20hair%20basics.htm), Naturally Curly (wavy section) (http://www.naturallycurly.com/topics/view/wavy-hair-type-2) etc.
- leave-in conditioners will be her best friend if she has trouble detangling (oils and detangling sprays are an alternative to this)
- cones might be good for detangling too, BUT always remember that they do build up so you have to clarify (http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-Go-No-Poo/) her hair periodically (usually as soon as it feels like it needs it i.e. it starts to tangle easy, feels dry etc)
- Brushes are the devil and will hurt her hair (except for BBB) BUT if she/you like brushes then the Tangle teaser (http://www.tangleteezer.com/) might be a good option for you, a lot of curlies recommend it. Other things for detangling: finger combing and wide tooth seamless combs.
- detangling the hair while it has conditioner in it (while washing or conditioning it) is reccomended for those with tangle prone hair
- I can't recommend microfiber towels (http://www.curlmart.com/store/towels/) enough, they are awesome, will help with frizz and faster drying time
- speaking of frizz lemon rinse (http://www.longhaircommunity.com/forums/showthread.php?t=53745&highlight=lemon+rinse) and aloe vera gel are great for that.
- up-dos are a must so those should be something for her to learn, youtube tutorials could work for her if she learns how to search, because it will give her alternatives and more freedom in choosing and learning what she can do with her hair.

Other than all that all I can say is good luck to you both, long and wavy hair can be a hassle until you learn how to deal with it but after that, it rules! :D

[eternalknot]

No advice to add, just commiseration. My daughter's hair is like a foreign country to me, I can't navigate the roads and have no clue where I'm going (with it).

Her standard 'do is a simply pony because it's the only thing I can figure out to do with it. I've never had to rely on hair appliances, but her hair type is going to be higher maintenance for sure.