Curly/long hair attention

[C.H.]

Curlies, do you ever find that your loose curls garner too much attention? I'm realizing that part of the reason I tend to prefer straighter hair is that it's less conspicuous. I guess I'm not completely comfortable with the attention that comes with the curls--much more staring and commenting in public than when it's straight. Very long curly hair is pretty rare--it's impossible for it to go unnoticed. Living in a dense city as I do, most of the time I want to blend in and go about my business unbothered. It kind of feels similar to the reason I don't wear certain kinds of clothes.

Anyway, this is honestly not meant to be any kind of veiled brag, it has just been on my mind because since joining LHC I have really been thinking about why exactly it is that I have kept my curls under wraps all these years--whatever personal or cultural reasons might exist. And realizing there's more to it than the usual "it's too frizzy" frustration or "straight hair just looks better" brainwashing.

But anyway, I think all textures can relate to having this unusual feature (extra long hair) which brings with it a lot of attention and how you deal with that. I know this came up recently when I was going to a going away party for one of my coworkers and maybe twenty of us were going to be there. And since we're bartenders and wear uniforms + hair up none at work, none of them have ever even seen me in my regular clothes let alone my hair down. And I intended to wear my hair down, debated it, but in the end I just couldn't do it, because I imagined all of my coworkers commenting on it with surprise and asking me questions I just didn't want to deal with that. It was unusual and outside of my comfort zone enough just to be socializing with them outside of work, even without all the long hair reactions.

Basically, it's kind of a big decision for me to wear my hair down and I have a lot of ambivalence about it. Can anyone relate?

[Quixii]

Honestly, I feel like I gain no more attention than anyone else with hair this length. When I get hair comments, they tend to be, "Ooo, your hair is so long!" occasionally followed by, "And curly, too!" :shrug: Doesn't bother me either way. If anything, I get more compliments on the curls - but not so much so that it's an annoyance/disturbance.

[chahuahuas]

I love getting comment on my curls! [as long as they aren't passing me a note in class, but that's a hole different thread :lol:]

But then again, I love doing very in-your-face things with the rest of my look, as well. I mentioned to Carolyn how I like to "decorate" because it's fun for myself, and I love to spread a little excitement to other people :D

It's the same reason I used to dress in even brighter colors than I do now, and wear ribbons in my hair every day in high school... I even wore a cow suit to school in high school for no apparent reason! :laugh:

Now I've calmed it down a bit for college. My costume jewelry has taken a backseat, and I only do ribbons occasionally. I mostly stick to fun heels and pretty, often colorful sundresses to get my kicks. Oh yea, and now my hair is way longer, so that's got alot of bouncy excitement in and of itself. :)

[Athena's Owl]

I can relate. A lot of the time when I'm wearing my hair loose and curly i also wind up twisting it up into a fall, disguising the length. chin length curls aren't remarkable. But when I wear it hip length, there's a very good chance someone's going to decide they have the right to get their paws in it while they ask me questions about whether it's permed or a weave or somehow inauthentic, and frazzle my curls up and claw their way through it and then FLIP when I start interrogating them while messing up *their* hair.

But. Sauce for the goose.

[C.H.]

I even wore a cow suit to school in high school for no apparent reason! :laugh:

That's bold of you! I'm just the opposite. In high school I would always cook up these fabulous outfits I was going to wear to school and wow everyone, but the next morning I would always chicken out and wear one of my usual unremarkable ensembles instead.

[chahuahuas]

But. Sauce for the goose.

Ummm... Sauce for the goose? :suspect: You're definitely going to have to explain that one...

[Rafusen]

Ummm... Sauce for the goose? :suspect: You're definitely going to have to explain that one...

It means that if one person's behavior is acceptable, it should be acceptable for another to do the same. In this context, if someone can come muss up her hair and interrogate her, it should be just fine if she does the same right back, right? The idiom is actually "What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander." Comparable to "Do unto others ... "

[Athena's Owl]

Exactly, Rafusen.

[chahuahuas]

Hmmm okay. thanks, Rafusen. It sounded awfully silly before you explained it :lol:

[jfeg116]

I'm the same way, C.H.- I'm intensely shy and people are intensely rude and there's very little to be done about it. Even in my own house if I should leave my hair down outside of my bedroom my parents both start, "LOOK AT YOUR HAIR!!!" or "LOOK AT THOSE CURLS!!!" or "JOSIE HAS HAIR!!!" because I leave my hair up so much.

Unfortunately our only options seem to be to either take it or blend in...

[longcurlygirl<3]

Personally, I love comments on my length and curls! :) Especially since I work so hard to have it beautiful, I tend to wear it out on weekends occasionally. Just today at Giant someone worker said t me "You got really pretty long hair!" And I was all smiles. Hey you were born with this crown of glory, appreciate it! Usually others tend to be jealous for it is rare to have lonngg curly hair.

[gthlvrmx]

I love comments on my curls, they seem to always be jealous at school and saying how they wish they had curls too. Makes no sense to me but i do like it :) Even more so now after taking better care of them, it feels good someone else noticed who has no clue what ACV rinse is.

[Spring]

C.H., I can totally relate to the uncomfortable feeling of wearing your hair a certain way after going a long period with it up. I remember when I first started wearing buns.... I was relieved and very comfortable with less attention. After many years of this, I feel awkward wearing my hair down in public and can't wait to bun it up. I'm determined to overcome this.

[lacefrost]

I can totally relate, C.H. My hair is nowhere near as long as yours but any time I wear my hair untwisted or just in a fro, people just want to come up to me and touch it all the time. I can't wear my hair down when it's straight either because people want to do the same. So I just put my hair up when I'm out and only let it down when I'm at home. On the one hand, it pisses me off but on the other I know it's better for me hair and sort of makes it more special. Only my men and close friends get to see it down. I dunno, maybe I'm weird.

[chahuahuas]

That's bold of you! I'm just the opposite. In high school I would always cook up these fabulous outfits I was going to wear to school and wow everyone, but the next morning I would always chicken out and wear one of my usual unremarkable ensembles instead.

Aw, thats no fun.

I considered commenting:
"You should just embrace the attention, they are admiring you! Let it remind you that you're beautiful!"
but I've come to realize that not everyone is like me. Some people feel better when they are just not bothered by strangers. It sucks that you aren't comfortable with the extra attention your hair draws, and I feel for you. :grouphug: I wish I knew something to tell you guys other than "embrace it."

And btw lacefrost, it's too bad feel you can't wear your hair wear your hair down in public. Your hair looks really pretty in your avatar.

[Speckla]

I like wearing my hair up IRL because I don't like people touching my curls. I don't mind showing them off online (hence the album here) because no one can touch me!! I dont like the extra attention my hair gets at work when I do wear it down. I think that's more due to the fact that people are more used to me wearing it up than down.

[SheaLynne]

My dd6 has about classic length 2c/3a curls (loose curls with some spirals) and she wears hers down or ponied over half the time, and she always gets comments on her hair no matter where we go. I worry whether it will make her vain about her hair or the other extreme of not wanting the attention it brings, and also whether the comments will be less as she gets out of the really "cute little girl" stage...but for now, we just say thank you, (and I tell people that I permed my hair for years to get it to resemble hers, and now I get to enjoy hers. :) )

[chahuahuas]

My dd6 has about classic length 2c/3a curls (loose curls with some spirals) and she wears hers down or ponied over half the time, and she always gets comments on her hair no matter where we go. I worry whether it will make her vain about her hair or the other extreme of not wanting the attention it brings, and also whether the comments will be less as she gets out of the really "cute little girl" stage...but for now, we just say thank you, (and I tell people that I permed my hair for years to get it to resemble hers, and now I get to enjoy hers. :) )

Shealynne, I would not worry about those comments making her too vain. I got alot of compliments on my hair and eyebrows when I was a little girl (curly hair, and they said 'oh wow, you have brook shields eyebrows! so pretty!') Those compliments proved invaluable in helping me through the awkward transition from a child to a teen. I grew up before scrunching your hair started to get popular, and I struggled with what to do with my curls. Also, I had a bit of a unibrow, and it took me a while to figure out how to deal with it.

I'm so glad I had those compliments to fall back on whenever I had a hard time fitting in! They made it easier for me to stop fighting with my hair and brows, and eventually embrace my natural features.

[lacefrost]

And btw lacefrost, it's too bad feel you can't wear your hair wear your hair down in public. Your hair looks really pretty in your avatar.

Thank you :) I guess part of it is that touching my hair is so intimate. And since my hair isn't long yet, when people are plunging their hands into my hair, they're standing pretty close to me as well. To me, it's akin to wearing a tight dress and random people running their hands up and down my body. :run: No thank you.

[greygardens]

I don't like having attention drawn to me when I'm in a group, particularly when it's for an aspect of my appearance because whatever it is will then come under scrutiny.

The best tactic I've come up with is to say thank you if I've been given a compliment and then move the focus. I tend to go with a self-deprecating joke, but anecdotes are probably better if you REALLY want the attention off you. "I was just reading that Roman women used to use urine to lighten their hair". "Blah blah blah Marie Antoinette's wigs." "My mum was tellling me how they used to iron their hair with an actual iron!".

If, like me, you're terrible at thinking on your feet you can prepare some possibilities beforehand.

[Athena's Owl]

hey, *I* iron my hair with an actual iron. :) Works great.

[sycamoreboutiqu]

Hmmm, I always thought it was "What's good for the goose, is good for the gander".

IE: If HE can do it, SHE should be able to, too !

[thestookem]

I Don't receive large amounts of direct attention when my hair is down. The most common type of attention I receive are glances by the people I walk by, mostly by other men. women are really sneaky when they check out other people so I rarely catch women.

I've only had two people approach me and ask me about my hair and want to touch it. Both were elderly women and super nice. They also had clean hands.

Ive only had one person sneak up on me and GRAB my hair.

I think I unintentionally intimidate people.Which is good because I need to keep uninvited hands off my head.

[Lianna]

Where I live most have loose curls naturally and the average length is waist. People stare more if a woman has very short hair (pixie/long pixie). Unless the person is older, when this cut is more popular.

[Bene]

My friend's g/f asked me about this a few days ago. Can't say I've drawn any attention from strangers because of my hair. Then again, I tend to believe that most people don't care all that much.

[SheaLynne]

I'm so glad I had those compliments to fall back on whenever I had a hard time fitting in! They made it easier for me to stop fighting with my hair and brows, and eventually embrace my natural features.

What an awesome perspective...THANK YOU!! I almost didn't post that part, but now I'm so glad I did. :flowers: