Motivation for an undisciplined?

[CurlAhead]

Hi, everybody. I don't know if there is a thread for this, but I couldn't find it. I need help with something. I cut my hair, and I feel bad about my hair. It has gone too far now, I just want it to be long and healthy. But since I can't let go of the scissor (because every time I see my hair I just want to cry, and try to fix it by cutting it. And cutting, and cutting etc). So, I need some tips on how to distract myself from thinking about my hair for a LONG time. I don't look good in updos and I don't look good with my hair down. What should I do? Any ideas? Maybe some updos that doesn't hide all of my hair, and certainly not high ponytails..:(

The longest parts on my hair is about shoulder length, I have lots of layers. It is 3b-c, and pretty dry. And I don't know whether to use silicones or not. :confused::confused:

[WittyWordsmith]

Perhaps it's time to start getting infatuated with scarves, hats and various hair coverings. You could have lots of fun with it!

[katsrevenge]

Do you oil?

That is the best thing I have learned here. Oil and lots and lots of it before washing, before bed to wash the next day... if you are going to braid it go ahead and oil it! And so on.

I really credit oiling my hair to giving me a lot of improvement in just a few weeks. It doesn't feel so dry anymore and doesn't frizz half as much.

[Rocket22]

I would suggest putting hair half up. when I had my hair cut shorter and hairdresser layered it to death only thing that I could do to make it even look half way cute was keeping the front pinned up with a small clip.

[Sundial]

I would suggest putting hair half up. when I had my hair cut shorter and hairdresser layered it to death only thing that I could do to make it even look half way cute was keeping the front pinned up with a small clip.

That's true for me too. That was how I got past the awkward stages. Half ups just seem to make everything look better

[RitaCeleste]

Half up is still my favorite. I love barrettes. To use silicones or not is up to you. You can try both kinds of products and see how they work for you. I wish hair was a one size fits all thing but it isn't. Its helpful to research products that work on your hair type and maybe start with some popular brands. It will feel hit and miss still, but its certainly cheaper in the long run to do some research. Same with co-washing and shampoo bars and other things, there is only one way to find out if is right for you, you have to decide to try it and see. You can do all kinds of stuff to your hair and for your hair that do not involve scissors. Treatment experiments, deep conditioning, oiling, co-washing, and it goes on and on. You don't need to stop thinking about hair. You need to stop thinking about scissors! Toss those in a drawer and forget you have them.:D

[Madora]

Be sure to take into consideration that when you wear your hair half up, you're going to have to be vigilant keeping it tangle free.
The more tangled it becomes, the more you have to spend time detangling, and the more damaged it can become if you do not detangle gently and slowly.

It sounds to me like you're going to have a difficult time growing out your hair, since you have an inclination to run for the scissors.

If you truly want long hair, then you're going to need tons of patience.

Long hair is something that takes time, not only to grow, but to learn how to manage properly. Long hair means (if you're really serious about it) giving up blow fryers, hot irons, straightening, harsh hair products, trimming every so often, and wearing your hair up in protective styles so that the ends are not damaged. Which is not to say you can't wear your hair down..but only if you wish to deal with tangles.

If you are not "handy with your hair" then perhaps long hair is not for you. Ditto, if you're impatient. I think many would be long hairs like the IDEA of long hair -- how beautiful it can look but don't realize that it takes WORK and TIME to achieve those results. Also, they don't have many styles to fall back on and become bored with their lack of repetoire..and that leads to cutting.

This isn't to say short hair is any less worthy than long hair. I've seen some short hairs that were magnificent in condition and color. But if long hair is your goal, you must be willing to dig in your heels for the long haul, and resist those shears (unless giving the ends tiny trims every so often).

Good luck!

[gretchen_hair]

I don't know how your hair ended up in the mess you say it's in. Did you cut it yourself and it looked bad? Or did someone else cut it?

I would go one time to a salon and have it shaped. A lot of times it doesn't take any length to fix a cut by shaping it. Then leave it alone until it needs shaped again in a couple or three months.

Only YOU can stop hacking your hair and only you are dealing with the consequences.

[cloudyskies]

Headbands! I spent 6 months growing out a horrible haircut (darn near a mullet) and wore plenty of cute headbands and scarfs while growing my hair back out. Throw away your scissors so you won't be tempted to hack at your hair :)

[McFearless]

Ugh I typed something up and it won't go through. What is going on?

You need to give your scissors your closest friend to hold onto. ASAP. You will never be happy with your hair if you give into impulses. Stop setting yourself back. You can do it. Give your hair 6 months to grow into the cut. We have the same texture and our curls hide cutting errors really well. Just leave it alone! Everytime you feel the urge to trim, I'm here to talk you out of it.


1. Your hair needs moisture. Have you tried the CO washing method? It works beautifully for me. You don't have to stretch washes with this method, but you'll find that you can do it easily.
2. Oil will be your best friend. It will help you retain moisture in your strands and soften your hair.
3. Silicone build-up can trap in and trap out moisture. If you use SLS shampoos the cones won't be a problem, as they will be washed away. However, you having dry hair is a reason you shouldn't shampoo a lot. Try the CO method or stretch washes.
4. Get busy with life. Tie your hair up and just get on with whatever you're doing.

[Lianna]

I'm gonna be totally honest with you. I have this too, it was worst in the past. I used to cut my hair every week, and a ton of it. I'm not completly over it, but I managed to grow from ear length to almost APL this past year, cutting 2 mm every month (that's called dusting). I stoped trying to adjust the shape, I allowed myself 2mm and that's it.

I could only do this because I had support from friends in this site (I barely told anyone about this problem, by the way).

About silicones, you can go either way. They probably would help weigh your hair down, which sometimes is a good thing for waves/curls. You could try CO with or without, but clarify once in a while (depending on the cone you need a sulfate shampoo).

I do recommend oilings, and I know lots of curlies like to style with gel, either scrunching or plopping. You can do half-ups, or updos with front layers loose, which can look very nice. Your hair probably stretches quite a bit if shoulder length is your curly length, I bet you could really try different buns. I don't like the plain cinnabun so much. I think a pinned ponytail would look lovely with your curls. You can also do a braid out, it helps with frizz, it's easy and low mani.

[Athena's Owl]

what products do you use? which washing method do you use? which washing methods have you tried? go through your usual routine step by step, and name *everything* you use. what method do you use to get the tangles out of your hair? how do you style it? do you colour, highlight, perm, straighten, gloss?

[CurlAhead]

Thank you all for the advice. I have oiled before, but I didn't think it made any difference.


I would suggest putting hair half up. when I had my hair cut shorter and hairdresser layered it to death only thing that I could do to make it even look half way cute was keeping the front pinned up with a small clip.

This may sound stupid, but what is meant by "half up"? :o



You need to stop thinking about scissors! Toss those in a drawer and forget you have them.:D

Thank you. I hid it in my closet, ha-ha! :D


Be sure to take into consideration that when you wear your hair half up, you're going to have to be vigilant keeping it tangle free.
The more tangled it becomes, the more you have to spend time detangling, and the more damaged it can become if you do not detangle gently and slowly.It sounds to me like you're going to have a difficult time growing out your hair, since you have an inclination to run for the scissors.
If you truly want long hair, then you're going to need tons of patience.
Long hair is something that takes time, not only to grow, but to learn how to manage properly. Long hair means (if you're really serious about it) giving up blow fryers, hot irons, straightening, harsh hair products, trimming every so often, and wearing your hair up in protective styles so that the ends are not damaged. Which is not to say you can't wear your hair down..but only if you wish to deal with tangles. If you are not "handy with your hair" then perhaps long hair is not for you. Ditto, if you're impatient. I think many would be long hairs like the IDEA of long hair -- how beautiful it can look but don't realize that it takes WORK and TIME to achieve those results. Also, they don't have many styles to fall back on and become bored with their lack of repetoire..and that leads to cutting.
This isn't to say short hair is any less worthy than long hair. I've seen some short hairs that were magnificent in condition and color. But if long hair is your goal, you must be willing to dig in your heels for the long haul, and resist those shears (unless giving the ends tiny trims every so often).
Good luck!

Thank you. I know patience is required, which is something I have a lack of. But still, I have had long hair before, but that was before I even CARED about my hair. I just let it grow (perhaps I should write that I was about 12 years at that point). I wish there was a magical cure that gave me just a little longer hair, something better to start from!! :D


I don't know how your hair ended up in the mess you say it's in. Did you cut it yourself and it looked bad? Or did someone else cut it?

I would go one time to a salon and have it shaped. A lot of times it doesn't take any length to fix a cut by shaping it. Then leave it alone until it needs shaped again in a couple or three months.

Only YOU can stop hacking your hair and only you are dealing with the consequences.

A hairdresser cut it short and with lots of layers (despite the fact that she knew how curly my hair was). After that, I started disliking my hair, like A LOT, and there's where the cutting started.


Headbands! I spent 6 months growing out a horrible haircut (darn near a mullet) and wore plenty of cute headbands and scarfs while growing my hair back out. Throw away your scissors so you won't be tempted to hack at your hair :)

Thank you for the tips, maybe I can find something that covers up my whole hair and face! :D


Ugh I typed something up and it won't go through. What is going on?

You need to give your scissors your closest friend to hold onto. ASAP. You will never be happy with your hair if you give into impulses. Stop setting yourself back. You can do it. Give your hair 6 months to grow into the cut. We have the same texture and our curls hide cutting errors really well. Just leave it alone! Everytime you feel the urge to trim, I'm here to talk you out of it.


1. Your hair needs moisture. Have you tried the CO washing method? It works beautifully for me. You don't have to stretch washes with this method, but you'll find that you can do it easily.
2. Oil will be your best friend. It will help you retain moisture in your strands and soften your hair.
3. Silicone build-up can trap in and trap out moisture. If you use SLS shampoos the cones won't be a problem, as they will be washed away. However, you having dry hair is a reason you shouldn't shampoo a lot. Try the CO method or stretch washes.
4. Get busy with life. Tie your hair up and just get on with whatever you're doing.

Thank you. Yes, I have been CO for about 6 months before I recently gave it up to try silicones again. I have summer vacation right now so I don't do anything during the days that pass by.


I'm gonna be totally honest with you. I have this too, it was worst in the past. I used to cut my hair every week, and a ton of it. I'm not completly over it, but I managed to grow from ear length to almost APL this past year, cutting 2 mm every month (that's called dusting). I stoped trying to adjust the shape, I allowed myself 2mm and that's it.

I could only do this because I had support from friends in this site (I barely told anyone about this problem, by the way).

About silicones, you can go either way. They probably would help weigh your hair down, which sometimes is a good thing for waves/curls. You could try CO with or without, but clarify once in a while (depending on the cone you need a sulfate shampoo).

I do recommend oilings, and I know lots of curlies like to style with gel, either scrunching or plopping. You can do half-ups, or updos with front layers loose, which can look very nice. Your hair probably stretches quite a bit if shoulder length is your curly length, I bet you could really try different buns. I don't like the plain cinnabun so much. I think a pinned ponytail would look lovely with your curls. You can also do a braid out, it helps with frizz, it's easy and low mani.

My hair isn't that long either when I stretch, because longest hair is not a curly as the shorter parts. :( That's one of the problems, I can't do anything with my hair..


what products do you use? which washing method do you use? which washing methods have you tried? go through your usual routine step by step, and name *everything* you use. what method do you use to get the tangles out of your hair? how do you style it? do you colour, highlight, perm, straighten, gloss?

Right now I use shampoo from Gliss, (with sulfates), this conditioner (not my picture though) (http://stinamarkan.se/blogg/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/garnierresponsavocadoshea.jpg), then I follow up with conditioner and deep conditioner from AUSSIE. Before that I used to do CO.

[Athena's Owl]

why did you stop doing CO?

[McFearless]

why did you stop doing CO?

To use cones again.

Personally I CO and still use cones. My hair doesn't get build up and I clarify every couple of months just in case. Shampoo every month or so, to me is much better than giving up CO completely.

[torrilin]

If the hair in your avatar is you... I'm pretty sure you don't need to cover up your hair AND your face. We're not all obliged to be as beautiful as Kate Middleton, nor have her hair. Thank goodness! I'd be so sad if I had to stop admiring all the lovely women I see with curly hair.

Take it a day at a time if you have to. Our hair grows constantly, even tho at times it might not feel like it. Every day that you don't cut is a bit more growth.

And... a half up is when you take the front part of your hair and pull it back into a kind of ponytail. It can be a good way to deal with your hair when bang regrowth is making you think lovingly of a razor.

[Toadstool]

Have you tried lace-braiding your bangs back off your face? I learned about doing that on the supershorties thread, and it's certainly helping me with my grow out.
I sympathise about the compulsive cutting and hope you can get rid of your scissors for a while.
Good luck:-)

[Athena's Owl]

To use cones again.

Personally I CO and still use cones. My hair doesn't get build up and I clarify every couple of months just in case. Shampoo every month or so, to me is much better than giving up CO completely.

This right here. you can CO with a silicone conditioner and use shampoo say every fourth or fifth wash. I have silicone conditioners, and I use one from aveeno when my hair is *really tangled.* but if I were to use coney conditioners regularly, I still wouldn't use shampoo every wash....

[feralnature]

I agree with getting rid of the scissors. They should not even be in the house.

Also, using coconut oil is one of the best things I learned here at LHC.

Use a wide tooth comb.

Let nature take it's course.

[silverjen]

Hello, mostly former compulsive cutter here! The things that helped me stop cutting were:

- Knowing that growing-out hair is going to have awkward phases, and there's no way around it. The quickest way through awkwardness is to just not cut, even if you have to grit your teeth and endure for a few months.
- Knowing that if you get an impulse to cut, even if it's "just a trim", you will regret it two days later. I found that if I could wait out those two days I'd (usually) come to my senses.
- Knowing that cutting won't solve the issue of the day, whether that is boredom, stress, or relationship troubles.
- Focus on your hair's health, not length. Deep treatments are a great way to give yourself some TLC.
- Picture where you will be in a year if you don't cut. Imagine feeling your hair at that length.
- Look at the progress photos here on LHC. There's some good inspiration on this site.

Good luck!

[elbow chic]

I got through my awkward phase in a crocheted snood and half-ups. I, too, have a scissor-happy past but it's true: the only way to grow out your hair is to stop cutting it off.

Another thing I'd do is promise myself I'd get a haircut if I could wait X amount of time. Like, "I'll get a haircut after my daughter turns 3." Then her birthday would come and I'd realize I don't really want a haircut after all.

Okay, then, so I'd set a new goal: "I'll get a haircut after my son turns 5." (in another five months.) That's basically how I got from shoulder to APL, by postponing cuts according to my kids' birthdays. :laugh: Once I hit APL, most of the cutting urges had subsided.

Some people do better with time limits than with length goals, because you can't MAKE your hair grow any faster than it does, but you CAN force yourself to sit on your hands for a set amount of time.

Now my hair is BSL and I've not cut any of it in about 18 months! :cheese:

[Lianna]

but if I were to use coney conditioners regularly, I still wouldn't use shampoo every wash....

I use shampoo everyday because my hair wasn't growing as fast when I didn't. I could only figure it out after months of CO. I personally don't care for cones, either way is fine. But SLES I must have! :p

[CurlAhead]

why did you stop doing CO?

I didn't feel it made any difference on my hair, and since it took such long time washing it and taking care of it with the CO-routine, I just thought it was too much. :( Will give it another try, though, when (well, IF) my hair gets longer.


To use cones again.

Personally I CO and still use cones. My hair doesn't get build up and I clarify every couple of months just in case. Shampoo every month or so, to me is much better than giving up CO completely.

Doesn't your scalp get greasy if you have cones and don't wash it every time?


If the hair in your avatar is you... I'm pretty sure you don't need to cover up your hair AND your face. We're not all obliged to be as beautiful as Kate Middleton, nor have her hair. Thank goodness! I'd be so sad if I had to stop admiring all the lovely women I see with curly hair.

Take it a day at a time if you have to. Our hair grows constantly, even tho at times it might not feel like it. Every day that you don't cut is a bit more growth.

And... a half up is when you take the front part of your hair and pull it back into a kind of ponytail. It can be a good way to deal with your hair when bang regrowth is making you think lovingly of a razor.

Thank you!! :flower: But that is just like, the best small part of my hair, haha! And thank you for the motivation. :)


Have you tried lace-braiding your bangs back off your face? I learned about doing that on the supershorties thread, and it's certainly helping me with my grow out.
I sympathise about the compulsive cutting and hope you can get rid of your scissors for a while.
Good luck:-)

I wish I could do any braids besides the "regular, basic" one... :(


This right here. you can CO with a silicone conditioner and use shampoo say every fourth or fifth wash. I have silicone conditioners, and I use one from aveeno when my hair is *really tangled.* but if I were to use coney conditioners regularly, I still wouldn't use shampoo every wash....

As I asked before, doesn't your scalp get greasy? Do you wash it with a silicone-free conditioner and then out more silicones in to your hair? :hmm:


I agree with getting rid of the scissors. They should not even be in the house.

Also, using coconut oil is one of the best things I learned here at LHC.

Use a wide tooth comb.

Let nature take it's course.

Thank you, how much oil is reasonable? And do you put it only at the ends of your hair?


Hello, mostly former compulsive cutter here! The things that helped me stop cutting were:

- Knowing that growing-out hair is going to have awkward phases, and there's no way around it. The quickest way through awkwardness is to just not cut, even if you have to grit your teeth and endure for a few months.
- Knowing that if you get an impulse to cut, even if it's "just a trim", you will regret it two days later. I found that if I could wait out those two days I'd (usually) come to my senses.
- Knowing that cutting won't solve the issue of the day, whether that is boredom, stress, or relationship troubles.
- Focus on your hair's health, not length. Deep treatments are a great way to give yourself some TLC.
- Picture where you will be in a year if you don't cut. Imagine feeling your hair at that length.
- Look at the progress photos here on LHC. There's some good inspiration on this site.

Good luck!

Thank you so much for these tips, I will keep them in mind. :)


I got through my awkward phase in a crocheted snood and half-ups. I, too, have a scissor-happy past but it's true: the only way to grow out your hair is to stop cutting it off.

Another thing I'd do is promise myself I'd get a haircut if I could wait X amount of time. Like, "I'll get a haircut after my daughter turns 3." Then her birthday would come and I'd realize I don't really want a haircut after all.

Okay, then, so I'd set a new goal: "I'll get a haircut after my son turns 5." (in another five months.) That's basically how I got from shoulder to APL, by postponing cuts according to my kids' birthdays. :laugh: Once I hit APL, most of the cutting urges had subsided.

Some people do better with time limits than with length goals, because you can't MAKE your hair grow any faster than it does, but you CAN force yourself to sit on your hands for a set amount of time.

Now my hair is BSL and I've not cut any of it in about 18 months! :cheese:

That is some good piece of advice. I think my nearest goal will be not to cut until school begins (in mid-August). I think I need to get obsessed with something else for about 2 years. :laugh:


I use shampoo everyday because my hair wasn't growing as fast when I didn't. I could only figure it out after months of CO. I personally don't care for cones, either way is fine. But SLES I must have! :p

Do you think that it is individual or does hair generally grow slower without SLES?

[Lianna]

I think it's safe to say a clean scalp grows hair better. How often or how you clean it is individual. I wouldn't go around with dirty hair and scalp.

[Athena's Owl]

I didn't feel it made any difference on my hair, and since it took such long time washing it and taking care of it with the CO-routine, I just thought it was too much. :( Will give it another try, though, when (well, IF) my hair gets longer.

I'm kind of scratching my head over this, because going to a conditioner only washing method took far LESS time for me. the old shampoo and condition routine made my hair harder to comb because it was rougher and not as slippery as it is with doing a conditioner washing method, and every time I think "oh, my hair's too dirty to do with just conditioner, I better shampoo" what I wind up with on the first rinse is rough hair that *still* feels greasy and dirty. I've learned over the years that CO cleans, and it cleans very well, in addition to keeping my wet hair slippery and thus easier to detangle.

I have 3b hair that curled even tighter when it was shorter. taking 5-7 minutes to allow the Conditioner to soak on my root hair and scalp and then doing a thorough massage all over my scalp for about the length of a suitable for radio pop song, rinsing it all completely out, and then adding a detangling conditioner and having to only work on the tangles in my hair for about the length of two suitable for radio pop songs is far, far less time than Shampoo, condition, and then spend forty painful minutes trying to get the stupid tangles out. so not only did I save time, I saved pain.

And since it was easier to detangle, and softer in appearance, I was happier with it and so I didn't feel like I needed to cut it in order to control it, and thus, my hair got longer. Waiting to CO until your hair gets longer is like saying that you're going to wait till your lawn gets greener before you water it.

Good haircare first. You want to have hair that is soft and easy to manage and curls well. once you have that, the length will follow.

[Athena's Owl]

oh and I must add: I see that your hair curl is the same as mine was when it was shoulder length. and it's shoulder length, so it's kind of WIDE. especially since you have fairly thick hair. my hair pyramided like this until it got to past APL, and then the effect didn't really seem to matter, as I was working on getting more top volume.

this is just what curly hair does. it takes up a lot of volume. Rock those curls, I say. When I stopped thinking, "It's so big and curly" and started thinking, "It's such a glorious abundance, a Romantic era lion's mane, hair big and powerful enough to suit me," a lot of my dissatisfaction vanished.

[Sanyia]

oh and I must add: I see that your hair curl is the same as mine was when it was shoulder length. and it's shoulder length, so it's kind of WIDE. especially since you have fairly thick hair. my hair pyramided like this until it got to past APL, and then the effect didn't really seem to matter, as I was working on getting more top volume.

this is just what curly hair does. it takes up a lot of volume. Rock those curls, I say. When I stopped thinking, "It's so big and curly" and started thinking, "It's such a glorious abundance, a Romantic era lion's mane, hair big and powerful enough to suit me," a lot of my dissatisfaction vanished.

THIS! A thousand times this!

Hang in there until APL, and then, I promise you, things get much, much better.

I have not had a trim in a year, and don't plan to get one until December. A little S&D from time to time makes me feel like I am doing something useful for my hair without losing any length.

I find it easier to resist temptation now that my idea of doing something nice is to do a moisturizing treatment rather than cross my fingers, head to the salon, and hope the hairdresser will not chop off a lot more than I wanted.

Be patient. Envision your hair in two years. Know that you are on your way there!

[torrilin]

this is just what curly hair does. it takes up a lot of volume. Rock those curls, I say. When I stopped thinking, "It's so big and curly" and started thinking, "It's such a glorious abundance, a Romantic era lion's mane, hair big and powerful enough to suit me," a lot of my dissatisfaction vanished.

See, this is why I poke my head into the curly threads. My hair is straight, and yes I've learned to accept it... but I'm a child of the '80s, and I adore curly hair. And the awesome bouncy boingy curls are such fun to look at.

And I know it helps sometimes to hear that someone else who isn't your mom likes you as you are.