The other side of the coin- only curly hair is 'good'

[FluffSpider]

Hello, LHC!
I've been hearing alot about you guys having to deal with straight-fanatics, and hair straightener-enthusiasts. I wonder, am I the only one who has to deal with the exact reverse of this?
My family is (at best) tolerant of my straight fine hair, and (at worst) looking down upon it. Despite the fact that I have the longest hair in my family, and the healthiest(by far), I quite often get snide comments. All the pictures with 'girls with pretty hair' I always get showed are 3a M/C iiis.
Cases in point:

Grandmother. Very coarse, dry, thick hair. She has it cut short. She DESPISES chemicals. Because her hair is dry, she shampoos once every 2 weeks or so, and always looks funny at me and tells me my hair is going to fall out if I even LOOK at a bottle of conditioner-all the bad chemical stuff, you know. The fun part is she has a perm.

Aunt: Cool lady, all in all, but has been wearing the same hair-torturing device(bun) for 20 years of her 40. The bun implies cement-strength hairspray, metal curling tongs, backcombing, spraying some more. Oh, she dyes too. Her hair won't grow over SL at all-it starts falling out in clumps. I showed her a gorgeous girl with hip-length black hair-pure 1a, stunning, shiny etc etc. She was like:meh...

I used to have iii, or maybe iv hair as a kid, but that was in kid stage-it fell out once I reached a double-digit. The ONLY hair comments I get are' You should cut it, maybe it'll grow in thicker' and "Oh, you had such thick hair...'. I am SICK and TIRED of this. It's like they're mourning at the coffin of my used-to-be hair.

Now, the question: am I the only one receiving the cold shoulder from curl and 'huge hair' fanatics?How do you deal with it?

[Aeowen]

My hair was short my entire childhood because of my mother's insistence that my fine, straight hair would look terrible long. In first grade she and her friend bribed me with jordache jeans and jelly bracelets to get it cut short (pixie) and then insisted that it would look terrible long.

Well :-p on that, is what I say.

[Chromis]

My mother used to try getting mine to be curly. She'd truss it up in all manner of curlers in her quest. I hated it, but when you are little you don't have much choice of course.

If you are old enough that no one is actively forcing you to sit still while they curl your hair you are old enough to ignore the comments. I wouldn't bother trying to show them pictures or otherwise "educate" them, it'll just make them fixate more. Brush off comments with a "That's nice dear" and change the subject. I find changing the subject back onto them works well as a diversionary tactic.

Them: "Your hair blah, blah, blah"
You: *noncommittal noise* Hey, those cookies you made five months ago were really great! Do you have the recipe somewhere?

[emelnd]

I have wavy hair and really like it. I love straight, shiny hair too though.

[FluffSpider]

I pretty much do that, thing is, in Romania you have a very good chance of stumbling upon some good 'traditional' haircare ideas. For instance, my aunt was braiding my hair, and she needed to brush it, so I detangled, got out my BBB and my grandmother was like: "I hope that brush has natural bristles! Don't go breaking the hair!'
I know the 'don't go breaking the hair' is a silly argument for using a BBB, but who knows, maybe there's a small gem in there I knew nothing of, and I want it!

[BroadwayBeauty]

Both of my sisters have curly and wavy hair, so I know what it's like to be the odd ball :) My mother, though, has always encouraged me to accept my natural hair texture, so I appreciate that.

While I don't really get judged by my friends or family, I definitely see discrimination against straight hair in the media. In nearly every movie or TV show, the attractive lead actress has beautifully wavy hair because straight hair is seen as being so "plain." I'm an actress, majoring in theatre, and nearly every show I've done has asked me to curl my hair or style it in some way where my straight hair isn't seen as straight. Whenever I go out with friends (also mostly theatre majors/actor types) I feel like I have to wear my hair in some kind of wave or loose curl in order to be seen as "on the same level" as them. It's really frustrating, and I try really hard to wear my hair in its natural 1b/1c texture, but straight hair is just seen as so un-glamorous that I cave more often than I'd like.

[IanB]

I'm sure that I was told that straight hair is healthy and natural, and that curly hair is only produced from damaged folicles. This could be true as, after chemotherapy, hair tends to grow back curly at first. Or is this all just nonsence?

[Mesmerise]

As a child with much straighter hair, I really wanted curls lol.

However, I've never had anyone say to me that curls are superior to straight hair. In fact, in real life, I see waaaaay more people straightening than curling their hair these days!

There was a time when lots of people had perms, but it seems less common now. More than anything there is an obsession with straightening.

Maybe it's just that we can never win! If we've got curls, people tell us to straighten, and if we've got straight hair people say we'd be better with curls!

Why this is...I just don't know!!


I'm sure that I was told that straight hair is healthy and natural, and that curly hair is only produced from damaged folicles. This could be true as, after chemotherapy, hair tends to grow back curly at first. Or is this all just nonsence?

I suspect this is rubbish! Otherwise pretty much everyone of African descent would have been born with damaged follicles, which just isn't the case! Healthy hair can be curly, wavy or straight! It's just the way the hair grows that differs, and that's in the hands of genetics.

Sure, in some cases people find that their hair may grow curlier with damage, but others find that their hair is straighter when it's damaged!!

[CrystalStar]

I think the hair curliness has something to do with the shape of the follicle, but not the condition! Perhaps chemo therapy temporarily alters the shape? :)

[Nymph]

I thought that the more oval the diameter of the hair, the curlier it was?

To be on topic, my experience is that red hair is not deemed as attractive when straight as when it's "a glorious mane" of curly gingerish red hair. Blonde tends to get the straight-is-better bias, I think.

[terpentyna]

Curly hair seems rarer around here, so my family in general admires it.

My father has curly hair, none of his kids do though even though it's supposed to be a dominant trait...

[RitaCeleste]

My mother had the best hair, straight silky dark brown. Her mom nagged her all time to dye it blond and cut it short and perm it! My mom would color it but not curl or cut it. After her brain surgery it grew back a beautiful brown-black with soft, big waves. She's lucky her color is great cause she can't use hair dyes anymore, ever. My other grandma has naturally curly black hair she just wore short. I use to tease my grandma who thought everyone looked better with curly short blond hair. As long as she didn't get hold of me and chop my bangs, I was fine with the prodding. My other naturally curly grandma was the one who had to go get me relaxer after a really bad perm. I put a couple of spirals in it then stopped and my hair had become coarser and more wavy without perms. I still think my mom's fine straight soft hair was the best hair in the family.

[selderon]

I'm puzzled why so many people seem to have families with an "ours is best" attitude. Seems like nearly everyone I know admires whatever texture they weren't born with. One aunt in particular loathes curly hair (she's a 3a with an adversarial hair relationship) and envies my straight hair. I think her hair is lovely and wish she could make peace with it.

[boomygrrl]

I know where I live the trend is for people to straighten their hair.
I have one friend that jokes with me about my curly hair. My niece thinks her curly hair is ugly and straightens it (too bad).
But over all...I guess I'm blessed. I haven't heard anyone say that curly hair is ugly or that straight hair is ugly. People have their preferences...but I just don't get how family members can practically harass each other over....hair?!?! really?
I love my curly hair. I have friends with straight hair...their hair is beautiful.
It's so individual. Not everyone fits in a nice, neat mold. Its a good thing that there are variations with hair. Everyone straight, or everyone curly. Umm...no!
People who make an issue out of your hair (whether it be straight or curly) really need to get a life. What matters is that you like your hair.
I could understand if a family member was concerned...lets say your hair looked fried out/damaged...even then...out of concern and not to keep bugging you about it, they might make a comment about what they think might help you...but really...I don't understand why anyone would go further than that...over hair.

Sorry you're going through this. I'm one curly gal who happens to like straight hair...and curly too...and wavy...etc.

[Delila]

My mom used to despair of my hair, but mostly I think because it was just like hers. (wavy, but fine and prone to limpness)

I'm guessing she permed hers for a while, since in photos it had more pouf than I remember. She also did that hideous streaks-of-bleached-white hair that was popular in the early seventies. Totally unnatural highlights.

Why she complained so loudly about my hair I will never know.

[C.H.]

I don't know...does anyone actually think that curls are ugly??

My beef with curly hair is that it's so high-maintenance, not that the curls themselves lack aesthetic appeal. IMO most curlies who express misery about their texture are doing so out of sheer frustration. As far as straight-haired people who express dislike for natural curls...perhaps it just looks perpetually unkempt/unhealthy to them?

[selderon]

I don't know...does anyone actually think that curls are ugly??

My beef with curly hair is that it's so high-maintenance, not that the curls themselves lack aesthetic appeal. IMO most curlies who express misery about their texture are doing so out of sheer frustration. As far as straight-haired people who express dislike for natural curls...perhaps it just looks perpetually unkempt/unhealthy to them?

Dunno... the aunt I referenced in my last post actually finds curly hair unattractive. She says she hates it. "I hate it and my granddaughter will hate her curly hair too."

After numerous conversations about why, I think she became frustrated with her texture early on because it doesn't behave as she would like. That developed into a hatred that now extends to all curly hair, whether it behaves or not.

[RitaCeleste]

I don't know...does anyone actually think that curls are ugly??

My beef with curly hair is that it's so high-maintenance, not that the curls themselves lack aesthetic appeal. IMO most curlies who express misery about their texture are doing so out of sheer frustration. As far as straight-haired people who express dislike for natural curls...perhaps it just looks perpetually unkempt/unhealthy to them?
I don't know. My great grandma ironed her daughter's hair. Then they ironed it and wore it long, then they gave up ironing, then they gave up long. Curly hair curls where it pleases. It doesn't look like permed arranged hair. I could care less about my waves if my hair was soft, if my hair didn't frizz and poof, if my hair didn't tangle up. I don't hate curls, I hate combs! Oh, I just wish for soft silky hair I can run my fingers threw and finger combing doesn't count.:p

[Joliebaby]

In my part of the world straight hair is the norm, so curly and wavy hair tends to be admired. Just as blue eyes are the norm so brown eyes are something special :)
My hair type is not typical here as it's very thick and wavy. In my family I'm considered lucky because "wavy hair is so much easier" and actually I have to agree. At least my hair has always been super easy, wash and go, doesn't get greasy, roll out of bed and look good -hair.

As for aesthetics, all kinds of textures can be equally beautiful, but I do like waves and soft curls a lot :D I guess I'm lucky in that I like my own hair type. The color though I've struggled with accepting :/

[elbow chic]

I think the fashion for straight vs curly hair comes and goes, not always at the same time, among various social circles.

Where straight is in, curly is "unkempt" or "frizzy" or "messy"

and where curly is in, straight hair is "flat" or "lank" or "boring."

[katsrevenge]

We always want what we can't have or act like we hate it out of jealousy.

I know I'd like straight hair once in a while. I'd also like to have a fro once in a while. It's just hard to always like and accept what you have.

[MissAlida]

Dear FluffSpider:).
I am quite astonished at the fact that your family wants you to have curly/wavy or otherwise different hair. I am from Romania too, and all I can see is this big, BIG flatironing craze over here. Like all the girls must have straight hair. I find it weird. When did natural texture become unsuitable? I mean, that is what you were born with, so I guess, that should be the best for you if you take proper care of your hair. I'm sure you have lovely hair, I'd say to ignore all the people who tells you otherwise, even if they are family.:rolleyes: My family tell me at least once a week to cut my hair to pixie. They are like : Oh, you looked so nice with a pixie, just like an actress. And I get annoyed:poot:. But, nope, they can't make me do it. I'm going to be a longhair girl, even if they tell me to cut it daily. So just ignore them and have fun growing:D.
Best wishes from your fellow citizen.:blossom:

[Elysium]

We always want what we can't have
This is so true. My best friend when I was a kid had this amazing thick, curly, blazing red hair and I would have given anything to have hair like hers. I braided my hair every night to make it a little more like hers :D She, however, wanted my lank, poker-straight dark brown hair and would ask her mum to flatiron hers.
Sorry to hear about the snide remarks you're getting FluffSpider,, I get similar ones. My mother keeps telling me I should cut my hair into a bob, because its "too thin" to look good long (despite me having had waist+ hair when I was younger, and it looking pretty good) and that I should stop using henna, because it'll make my hair fall out :rolleyes:

[beccababesx]

Not from my family, but I definitely feel like straight hair is ugly and plain, and if I'm going out, I feel like I have to set it in rags or rollers.

[rogue_psyche]

I think that all hair textures are beautiful when well-cared for. Fried straight hair and fried curly hair look terrible in the same way to me.

[Sabriel]

I wish people could just learn to love what they have :(

Sometimes I wonder what I would look like with curly hair, and admire other people's curly hair, but at the end of the day my hair is straight and beautiful the way it is. (And would be just as beautiful if it were wavy or curly) I see no need to listent to advertisments that try to tell me that I need buy a straightener or curling iron to have attractive hair.

Now what I REALLY don't get is how people expect you to take their OPINION about what hair type is "better" as fact. Different people have different preferences. I think the only person whose opionion should matter is the man (or woman) in your life. Obviously you shouldn't change for them if you don't like it, but why the heck would you listen to family telling you that you should make your hair straight/wavy/curly when your significant other likes it better another way?

The same applies to ideals about length. My family all has straight hair so that's never come up, but my mom has said some very hurtful things about my long hair - but do I care about what she thinks of my hair? Heck no! The guys I've dated have loved my long hair, and I love it, so that's all that matters :) I really think that it's a waste of time to criticize others if they're happy with what they've got - that's only going to hurt, not help.

[Signe]

I think that all hair textures are beautiful when well-cared for. Fried straight hair and fried curly hair look terrible in the same way to me.
This! We should alll try a bit harder to work WITH our hair to make it look its best. Not against it to make it look what we are told is best! If we listened to everything others said about our hair, it would ALL be fried!