How irrational are these fears?

[monsterna]

I keep thinking about when my hair gets way longer, about to waist length or so. I love to wear my hair down, but I am getting freaked out at the possibility of some weirdo just coming along and chopping it off, or pulling it, or something to otherwise ruin it. It's kind of freaking me out and I don't know if any of you have ever had thoughts like that or got freaked out at the prospect of that happening?

I know it's really unlikely but it still scares me. Makes me feel like I'll have no choice but to wear it up all the time, so I won't even feel free. Anyone else feel/felt this way?

[Avital88]

uhm i actually feel way more protected with it down than up.. dont know why..:D feels saver in some way, i dont like my neck to be open

[BlazingHeart]

I've had my hair long off and on, probably a total of a few years worth of experience. Once you get away from kids pulling and cutting each other's hair, it's pretty unusual. I think I've had my hair pulled (intentionally) twice to get my attention, and I've never had anyone actually attempt to cut it. Unintentional pulling does happen from time to time, like when people brush past you and don't realize that their jacket zipper or jewelery or whatev has snagged in your hair.

So it's a rare thing.

~Blaze

[CoconutLover]

I used to have a horrible nightmare, where I'd be on the bus wearing my hair in a ponytail, and a person sitting behind me would cut it off at the nape. It was horrible, when I went on buses I avoided sitting in front of people and wore it up in a bun.

Over time my fear has gone and I realised that it was pretty irrational. I mean, who would carry scissors to cut other people's hair off?
Having said that, the nightmare was still scary!

[Maverick494]

Somewhere you know your hair fears are irrational, but you have them anyway. So that means that you don't feel confident about your abilities to spot and deal with people who have ill intentions even though the chance of anyone doing that to your hair is practically 0. I think it would be good for you to follow a course in self defense, just to help you feel safer and more in control. There are short courses for women that focus on key points in self defense that are easy to remember and employ.

I have been doing martial arts since 13 and I've never had to deal with any fears considering going out and walking somewhere at night, or being attacked in general. It just makes life so much easier. Doesn't mean I go looking for trouble and that I don't think something will ever happen to me, but having done this has helped my sense of safety and confidence immensely.

[Madora]

You're wise to be concerned about wearing your hair down--in any way, shape or form.

Not to sound paranoid, but long haired persons have had hair stolen by perverts who sneak up behind them, chop, and run away with the shorn hair.

Kids don't care if your hair is your crowning glory. All they know is that it's tempting to put gum in it "for fun". That happened to me and I was destroyed. Luckily, my grandmother knew exactly what to do to extract the gum without cutting the hair.

Unfortunately, the times we live in are much more uncaring of others than in the past. Perverts want "hair trophies" and will stalk and rush in with scissors, and before the poor victim can scream they're gone.

It was on the news a lot!

So enjoy your hair..but be darn careful!!

[Quezie]

Gahhh this is something I've thought about as well. I think its pretty irrational.
However, if my hair is down, I usually have it over my shoulder where I can see it, or tuck it into my coat to protect it and keep it from getting tangled from wind or whatever.

[C.H.]

Somewhere you know your hair fears are irrational, but you have them anyway. So that means that you don't feel confident about your abilities to spot and deal with people who have ill intentions even though the chance of anyone doing that to your hair is practically 0. I think it would be good for you to follow a course in self defense, just to help you feel safer and more in control. There are short courses for women that focus on key points in self defense that are easy to remember and employ.

I have been doing martial arts since 13 and I've never had to deal with any fears considering going out and walking somewhere at night, or being attacked in general. It just makes life so much easier. Doesn't mean I go looking for trouble and that I don't think something will ever happen to me, but having done this has helped my sense of safety and confidence immensely.

Not to get off too far off topic, but I've been thinking a lot lately about enrolling in some sort of martial arts of self-defense classes. Of course it's smart for any woman to be able to take care of herself (I hate that mentality that woman=victim), but aside from safety concerns, I think it would be very empowering and that's something I need in my life right now.

[McFearless]

Waist is not an uncommon length. It won't get you much attention, luckily. People with every hair length have been targeted by freaks anyway. I've had gum mashed into my hair by one of those freaks.

It is a rare occurance and not something that will happen to you when you hair is waist length. You have an equal chance of that happening now, with APL length hair.

[darkrose]

this scares me, its possible but unlikely so when my hair is waist lenght i will always keep it up apart from when im with friends and people who i can trust.

[Emmental]

You're wise to be concerned about wearing your hair down--in any way, shape or form.

Not to sound paranoid, but long haired persons have had hair stolen by perverts who sneak up behind them, chop, and run away with the shorn hair.

<snip>Unfortunately, the times we live in are much more uncaring of others than in the past. Perverts want "hair trophies" and will stalk and rush in with scissors, and before the poor victim can scream they're gone.

It was on the news a lot!

So enjoy your hair..but be darn careful!!

I have never once heard a story of this and though I am sure it has happened, I'm going to go out on a limb and say you have a higher chance of being assaulted than having your hair chopped by a stranger.

I know this is a hair forum, thus hair fears come up, but it definitely isn't on my radar. I'm not saying you're silly, OP, but I definitely think you should delve into why you have this fear and how to overcome it. The suggestion to take self-defense classes is a smart one. :)

[JadeTigress]

I think you'll be fine. Try not to let the fear get the best of you. I had TBL-Classic hair for my whole life until I was 19, and the worst that ever happened to me was some gum in my hair when I was really little, and that was an accident. And, also when I was little, I'd gotten my hair caught in a conveyor belt once while I was wearing it down. But both times I escaped unscathed. My mom was worried that some kid would reach out and cut it off while I was in grade school, especially the early years, so she'd keep it braided for school.

But after those couple times as a kid, nothing ever happened to me as I got older and started wearing my hair down way more often. Except for tangles. :p

[MrsGuther]

It's rather unlikely that someone will come up and cut your hair randomly. I do understand your fear though- I've had nightmares of someone chopping off my braid at school.

[battles]

Lately I've had the same fear, but I'm nowhere near a length where I'd attract any attention yet.

[RitaCeleste]

Peanut butter gets gum out. My sister subs as teacher at a middle school and has to send down to the cafeteria for the peanut butter to get the gum out once in awhile. No one has been chopped and peanut butter is harmless to hair so long as you aren't allergic. I've never had it happen and my hair is pretty long and I almost always wear it down. I never even consider it being chopped off. I think the chances of that happening are right up there with having a hot date with a serial killer. Not too likely but possible. It really doesn't deserve a second thought. You need to feel free and there is no way to prevent someone from being jealous or mean about your hair, your face, your property etc. You will NOT come up with a full proof plan to keep yourself or your hair 100&#37; safe and be free at the same time, so just LIVE while you are ALIVE!

[BlazingHeart]

And if you do have a peanut allergy, you can use any of the heavier oils to remove gum. The lighter oils aren't as effective, but I'm told they will eventually work.

~Blaze

[Guenhwyvar]

I have the same fear. When I went to Alton towers (theme park), it took me ages to decide on a style. I went with a braid over one shoulder so I could protect it. I love the bigger rides, and I was scared of it getting trapped or cut of in the machinery. Lots of people had their hair down though, even though the longest I saw was BSL. I am glad I had it tied up with all the spinning and going upside down. I dread to think of the breakage and knots!

Also when I was at school and growing my hair, a girl who disliked me DID cut my hair...

[Slinks]

eucalyptus oil is the BEST for removing gum :-)

[xoerincolleen]

I've thought of this before, too. I think it depends on where you live. If you live in a city and use a lot of public transportation there's a bigger likelihood that you'll encounter a weirdo who might try to cut off your hair- but there's also a higher likelihood that you'll get assaulted, mugged, etc, and those things are a lot more likely than getting your braid chopped off. Recently, there was a thread about this happening in Russia (I think?), because the hair can be sold for wigs and stuff. I feel like that doesn't happen very often in the US or even most European countries. I don't know though, but while it's good idea to keep a weather eye, it's not something worth stressing out over or worrying about. The chances of a rando chopping off your hair are pretty darn slim.

[strangemeow]

I thought I was the only one!

[Sweet Beat]

Um, sometimes. When I'm in the company of people who have maid jokes of cutting my hair off. But then I play a bit with my hair and forget all about it :)

[Mairéad]

When I was in middle school and had very long red hair, a girl that made fun of me on the bus actually did cut a lock of my hair off. :(

But, fearing random people would do it? Haven't had that.

But don't be fooled, I'm filled to the brim with irrational fears. Well, some of them aren't irrational. I'm crazy with locking doors and leaving a light or two on at night and want to learn self-defense and carry mace and crap like that because I HAVE been attacked before. The fear itself isn't irrational but the feeling I get I think probably is. (Sorry to get off topic.)

[Audrey Horne]

I wanted to make a similar thread :-)
No, it isn't irrational! As Madora has mentioned there are sick perves out there who love to get these trophies! I'd say especially in the crowd (be it subway, a busy shopping street or any other kind of gathering) they have high chances of commiting such atrocities. I have the same fear. Yes, my hair is still short and of no interest to any perverts. However, as soon as I am longer I will start being more careful where I let my hair down.
There was again a case of chopping a little girl's braid this Christmas.
I'd say be careful! You never know... I'd avoid leting it down in crowded places and would keep my braid in the front, maybe holding it.

[jojo]

I used to have this fear too and got quite paranoid at one point!

I remember in the early 80's and a teacher (sewing teacher) cut a girls waist length braid off for talking in class. The mother came down and punched her full in the face!

[monsterna]

I used to have this fear too and got quite paranoid at one point!

I remember in the early 80's and a teacher (sewing teacher) cut a girls waist length braid off for talking in class. The mother came down and punched her full in the face!

Hahah oh man. I would have done a lot more damage with the needles laying around. What happened to the mom?

I have OCD, which kind of helps to amplify fears that I have. I just keep thinking of this. Next year I want to go to a Halloween ball where a lot of people will be, and my hair should be waist or close to it then, and I wanted to dress as Anne Boleyn. With hair flowing down. Now the thought of someone screwing with it is really making me antsy. :(

[Audrey Horne]

Hahah oh man. I would have done a lot more damage with the needles laying around. What happened to the mom?

I have OCD, which kind of helps to amplify fears that I have. I just keep thinking of this. Next year I want to go to a Halloween ball where a lot of people will be, and my hair should be waist or close to it then, and I wanted to dress as Anne Boleyn. With hair flowing down. Now the thought of someone screwing with it is really making me antsy. :(
Get a bodyguard ;-)

[Maverick494]

With all due respect the incidents mentioned were isolated and rare. That's the reason they pop up on the news: it's strange and everything strange is news. Sure, everyone knows stories about the mean girls in high school snipping off a braid or ponytail. But getting your hair cut off on the street? Sure, it has happened but if you compare it to the amount of girls getting raped on their night out the number is insignificantly small.

I have never heard of anyone who this ever happened to, whereas I do know a couple of people who have been attacked/assaulted. If you want to worry about something, worry about your ability to defend yourself and flee when needed.

We should all put it into perspective. Many people live in fear of what's out there. I encourage healthy caution and safety measures like carrying a cellphone and pepper spray in your pocket when you go out. But fear is bad. It gives tunnelvision. Compare it to having a soccer ball kicked at you. There are two choices you can make:
1. stay focussed and keep your eyes open so you can catch it.
2. Freeze and shut your eyes in reflex, risking getting hit in the face by it.

I know which one I'd choose.

[alyanna]

I have the same fears. The only reason they're irrational for me personally is that my hair isn't particularly nice or thick or special, so I don't think it would attract that much attention.

But in general, I don't think it's irrational. I know a girl who has very thick, beautifully wavy hair and when she was in college, a jealous freak actually lit her hair on fire with a match. There were lots of people around and they managed to put the fire out but of course she had to chop it off.

Worst case scenario is you'll chop it off.

When I was pregnant I used to worry a random stranger would punch me in the stomach or push me down a flight of stairs. A little crazy?

I also worry about someone throwing acid on my face or something when I'm back in the Ancient... (I'm white and blue/green eyed)

I don't know if this says something about my mental state or the state of the world we live in :rolleyes:

[monsterna]

:scared::cry: All these fears and stories!

So glad I'm no longer in school, not hanging around in groups, and not actually within the big city. I'd be even more paranoid. Well, I'm not paranoid at the moment, but I will be. Sigh!

I'm certain that I would attempt to sue someone if they cut off my hair. I would hate to be one of "those" people who just sues, but... I never have before, so I couldn't be! :p Assault, battery, emotional distress (plus hundreds of LHC posts to prove my case!)... I could probably have a good chance of winning! (Oh, OCD, how I hate your retardedly in-depth courses of action for things that hopefully never happen....)

[Audrey Horne]

:scared::cry: All these fears and stories!

So glad I'm no longer in school, not hanging around in groups, and not actually within the big city. I'd be even more paranoid. Well, I'm not paranoid at the moment, but I will be. Sigh!

I'm certain that I would attempt to sue someone if they cut off my hair. I would hate to be one of "those" people who just sues, but... I never have before, so I couldn't be! :p Assault, battery, emotional distress (plus hundreds of LHC posts to prove my case!)... I could probably have a good chance of winning! (Oh, OCD, how I hate your retardedly in-depth courses of action for things that hopefully never happen....)
The always "what if" thing?.. It sucks big time.

[Panth]

I'd say if you're past 16 (or 18 ... or whatever is the age at which compulsory education ends in your country) it's pretty unlikely. In school its more likely - but that's because it wouldn't be random targeting but rather part of bullying which is unfortunately reasonably common in schools. Randomly in the street or on public transport? The risk is incredibly, vanishingly small - which is precisely why several people have heard of it happening - because it is so rare it is actually newsworthy unlike, say, mugging.

From about age 11 until about 9 months ago, I wore my hair loose almost 100&#37; of the time. In that whole time, despite being bullied, I can only recall one (brief) incident of hair pulling ... none of anything else done to my hair.

*shrug*

It's not an irrational fear, in that it is possible ... but it is irrational if you let it dictate what you do, since it's so unlikely.

[pinknika]

shooot, I wish I had those kind of fears! Respectivley, I am glad your hair is at its length to where you need to worry about those things, me, I am still dreaming of someone even touching my hair when it becomes longer. But all joking aside, if someone would really try to hurt me in that way, I would make sure I would hurt them. The self defense thing would be great to learn and a confidence booster! Maybe then you will feel comfortable to let down your hair. :)

[monsterna]

I'm not too sure if it's a self defense thing. I think I'm more afraid of someone doing it really fast and not giving me time to react. Like someone rushing behind you and doing it, or while you're sitting down and from behind. Still would like to know how to effectively kick someone's arse. :D

[MaryRose]

heck with the self defense course, I have a permit to conceal carry. I feel much safer knowing I can handle any situation no matter who the offender may be.

[newbeginning]

When I was young I had girls threaten to cut off my hair but that's because (I think) they were jealous. I don't really see it happening now that I'm an adult.

[TheLurkingToad]

This thought actually crossed my mind today but I usually have flashes of odd paranoia. I figured I had a better chance to be hit by a car then encounter someone like this. My hair is safe and I was extra cautious crossing streets today.

[Prelude]

For the longest time in school, I would always keep my hair in front of me because I was so scared the person sitting in the desk behind me would cut it all off.

[Dr. Girlfriend]

Monsterna, I'm in Texas too. :)

Actually, long hair is not that uncommon out in the sticks where I live. You'd have to be past waist or even TB to really stick out in my town. Call me naive, but I think the chances of some random nutjob hacking a braid off is pretty slim; I'd be more concerned with jealous acquaintances.

Quite honestly though, I'd be more apt to wear it up to prevent damage than out of fear of a crazy with shears. I've heard horror stories about getting tangled in people's belt buckles and caught on random things; but no longhairs in the 'Ville that I know of have ever had their hair hacked off out of perversion or spite.

[Kyla]

Before I entered high school, I saw a music video depicting a high school girl hacking off another girl's long, beautiful braid. Thus, I was terrified that would happen.
I'm not so much anymore, although I am careful with my hair on public transport-not only have I myself met many creepy/perverted people on it, but there was a case on my public transportation system where a man cut off some of a woman's ponytail.

[QueenJoey]

My hair is my permanent security blanket, so I always have it down. But I too get really paranoid. My biggest fear is that I'll get a serious head injury and I'll have to go into surgery and the doctor will have to shave my head. You'd think my biggest fear was losing my hair to cancer, since cancer runs in my family. But I'm not as scared of that. I think it's because I know if it came down to having cancer, I'd lose my hair naturally, instead of having someone (a doctor) make the choice for me. I doubt that made any sense...

[irisheyes]

Yes, I have these thoughts too, even though I'm gray haired and an unlikely target. But gee, aren't elderly women the victims of sex crimes, too? It's not about the sex, it's about power and control. So, I think it may be the same in this instance - not about the hair, but about power and control of the victim. For example, abusive men are known to sometimes cut off their wife's or girlfriend's hair during an episode of domestic violence. I don't really worry about an attack on my hair, but I find myself less willing to wear my hair down as it gets longer. It makes me more vulnerable.

[Elenna]

I can't imagine anyone wanting to cut off my graying hair. I'd karate chop them if they tried anyway!

But I sure feel sorry for those girls who did get their hair "stolen" by these thieves/sickos.

[Dragon]

Yes and no. When I am around older kids and teenagers, such as them sitting or standing behind me, yes I do worry. But I have very little fear of it happening from adults. And I do worry about my Dad doing it when he is in a bad mood as he almost chopped my pony tail off when I was about 9 or 10. I managed to get away. And I do worry about My Mum doing it.

[BlazingHeart]

:scared::cry: All these fears and stories!

So glad I'm no longer in school, not hanging around in groups, and not actually within the big city. I'd be even more paranoid. Well, I'm not paranoid at the moment, but I will be. Sigh!

I'm certain that I would attempt to sue someone if they cut off my hair. I would hate to be one of "those" people who just sues, but... I never have before, so I couldn't be! :p Assault, battery, emotional distress (plus hundreds of LHC posts to prove my case!)... I could probably have a good chance of winning! (Oh, OCD, how I hate your retardedly in-depth courses of action for things that hopefully never happen....)

Wow, can we please not throw around the word r*tard? It's a really ableist, nasty word. http://disabledfeminists.com/2009/10/16/ableist-word-profile-retarded/

Thanks,
~Blaze

[monsterna]

Wow, can we please not throw around the word r*tard? It's a really ableist, nasty word. http://disabledfeminists.com/2009/10/16/ableist-word-profile-retarded/

Thanks,
~Blaze

I personified my OCD and called it retarded. I don't see anything wrong with that. I can't help that a legitimate word for slow/hindering/impeding is used to mock mentally handicapped people, and I think we can all see I wasn't calling anyone mentally handicapped retarded, which I wouldn't do. Still, it is a legitimate word, the original meaning not derogatory at all, and I will still use it in its intended, non-offensive manner. Should I also not use the word "lame" because it can refer to people unable to walk due to foot/leg disabilities?

Sorry to get off topic, I just didn't see the need for that.

I'm glad I'm not the only one with that fear and that others here understand it. :)

[Red_Wednesday]

I personified my OCD and called it retarded. I don't see anything wrong with that. I can't help that a legitimate word for slow/hindering/impeding is used to mock mentally handicapped people, and I think we can all see I wasn't calling anyone mentally handicapped retarded, which I wouldn't do. Still, it is a legitimate word, the original meaning not derogatory at all, and I will still use it in its intended, non-offensive manner. Should I also not use the word "lame" because it can refer to people unable to walk due to foot/leg disabilities?

Sorry to get off topic, I just didn't see the need for that.

I'm glad I'm not the only one with that fear and that others here understand it. :)

@bolded: I have to agree with this. As a mother of a special needs child, I found nothing offensive about your use of the word at all.:twocents:

Regarding your original post. I've had similar thoughts. I'm not nearly long enough at this point to worry too much about it, but when I do get to waist and beyond, I am certain that I'll choose to where my hair up when out in public, unless I know for sure that the people around me have no ill intentions.

[Zindell]

I used to have a horrible nightmare, where I'd be on the bus wearing my hair in a ponytail, and a person sitting behind me would cut it off at the nape. It was horrible, when I went on buses I avoided sitting in front of people and wore it up in a bun.

Over time my fear has gone and I realised that it was pretty irrational. I mean, who would carry scissors to cut other people's hair off?
Having said that, the nightmare was still scary!

Actually exactly that happened in a swedish city some years back:

http://www.aftonbladet.se/nyheter/article11801651.ab

Google translated to english (Google translate isn't perfect by far, but you get the picture):
"Sneak Mowers attacking women in Gothenburg
Now he is being hunted by police
A sneak mower is raging in Gothenburg.

He sits behind the women on buses and cut their hair.

So far, four affected women made ​​a complaint to the police in Gothenburg.

The alleged perpetrators get behind the women on the bus and cut off the hair. The last known case occurred last Sunday. My Anderson, 23, took a bus 60 when she noticed someone pull her hair. Only when the man sitting behind her got off the bus she noticed that the hair on the neck loosened. When she saw the cut tussen she suffered a panic.

- My first thought was was: what did he do with my hair? she says to DN." (the newspaper)

[Fufu]

I don't have such fear.... thank goodness..

But I do have this weird thought of whether I can withstand waist length hair in a hot and humid country.

[gergelul]

I have a weird phobia that I might have my hair burnt, but I usually think of it as an accident. Now I'll have this phobia, too. Oh, damn

[cuddledumplin]

Well, it's never happened to me or anyone else I know with long hair, but if I see a scissor weilding maniac, I always have a Ficcare or something.

[monsterna]

Well, it's never happened to me or anyone else I know with long hair, but if I see a scissor weilding maniac, I always have a Ficcare or something.

I wonder if I should keep the Ficarre on me or just invest in a handgun + concealed carry license? :D

[BlazingHeart]

I personified my OCD and called it retarded. I don't see anything wrong with that. I can't help that a legitimate word for slow/hindering/impeding is used to mock mentally handicapped people, and I think we can all see I wasn't calling anyone mentally handicapped retarded, which I wouldn't do. Still, it is a legitimate word, the original meaning not derogatory at all, and I will still use it in its intended, non-offensive manner. Should I also not use the word "lame" because it can refer to people unable to walk due to foot/leg disabilities?

Sorry to get off topic, I just didn't see the need for that.

I'm glad I'm not the only one with that fear and that others here understand it. :)

Um, actually, I have a disability that affects my ability to walk and I take offense at the use of lame. My altered gait isn't bad, it is a thing that just IS, and when you equate lameness with bad things, you equate my life with bad things. Am I coming through on why this is unpleasant?

R*tarded is just as bad. There have been a great many statements from people who have mental or developmental handicaps that it is extremely offensive to use that word. It's a word that is still used clinically to refer to people with mental and developmental disabilities; you can't just say 'Well, I wasn't using it that way.' It's like using a gender or racial slur and saying you didn't mean it 'that way'.

~Blaze

[MagicAndMayhem]

Before I entered high school, I saw a music video depicting a high school girl hacking off another girl's long, beautiful braid. Thus, I was terrified that would happen.
I'm not so much anymore, although I am careful with my hair on public transport-not only have I myself met many creepy/perverted people on it, but there was a case on my public transportation system where a man cut off some of a woman's ponytail.

That one Paramore song? I saw it as well and it instilled that fear into me :p

[monsterna]

Um, actually, I have a disability that affects my ability to walk and I take offense at the use of lame. My altered gait isn't bad, it is a thing that just IS, and when you equate lameness with bad things, you equate my life with bad things. Am I coming through on why this is unpleasant?

R*tarded is just as bad. There have been a great many statements from people who have mental or developmental handicaps that it is extremely offensive to use that word. It's a word that is still used clinically to refer to people with mental and developmental disabilities; you can't just say 'Well, I wasn't using it that way.' It's like using a gender or racial slur and saying you didn't mean it 'that way'.

~Blaze

*Sigh*. We're going to have to agree to disagree, then. I would wager most people have no idea what the word lame actually refers to. How can it be wrong for them to use it in the only way they know how? Moron, imbecile, dumb... these were all (dumb still is) used clinically. We still say them freely. They are meant to be offensive, but life isn't all rainbows and butterflies.

I remember there was a girl with Down syndrome in my kindergarten class and I was the only one who was nice to her and played with her. I'm really a nice person in social, public situations. As I said, I would never call a mentally disabled person retarded, and wouldn't use it in their presence. But I do use it around my friends. For the record, I also use racial and gender slurs. In a lighthearted way. It's not about what word you say, it's about the context in which you say it. I am one of the most liberal people you'll find - equal rights for all races, colors, sexual orientations, whatever. I don't hate anyone for things they cannot choose (color, sex, etc). I'll say f***** around my gay friends and they'll say it also and laugh. Because, in our opinions, people let words have power over them. Words inherently have no power. Context has power. The intent of the message should be what's offensive, not the wording itself. That's my opinion. And I use those words around people who understand that I have no ill intent and that I am all for taking the power out of words and instead make people focus on intent.

I understand what you're saying, I do. But I am also coming from a place you have to understand, as well. That said, there's always going to be something that offends someone. If we all stopped offending people, I doubt there would be a single word left to say to anyone at all. You'll also be disappointed if you expect people to suddenly drop dumb, moron, lame, and imbecile from our vocabulary. It's just there. If anyone actually yells out retard to a mentally disabled person, then they are way past teaching social niceties to and most likely make fun of/look down on people for other things they were born with. =\


Way off topic again, even though it's my own thread. Won't talk about this anymore after this. :o

[Bill D.]

With all due respect the incidents mentioned were isolated and rare. That's the reason they pop up on the news: it's strange and everything strange is news. Sure, everyone knows stories about the mean girls in high school snipping off a braid or ponytail. But getting your hair cut off on the street? Sure, it has happened but if you compare it to the amount of girls getting raped on their night out the number is insignificantly small.

I have never heard of anyone who this ever happened to, whereas I do know a couple of people who have been attacked/assaulted. If you want to worry about something, worry about your ability to defend yourself and flee when needed.

We should all put it into perspective. Many people live in fear of what's out there. I encourage healthy caution and safety measures like carrying a cellphone and pepper spray in your pocket when you go out. But fear is bad. It gives tunnelvision. Compare it to having a soccer ball kicked at you. There are two choices you can make:
1. stay focussed and keep your eyes open so you can catch it.
2. Freeze and shut your eyes in reflex, risking getting hit in the face by it.

I know which one I'd choose.

Well put!

Human psychology is made for village or neighborhood life. When we hear of something negative happening several times, that naturally rings alarm bells in our head because it's happening 'a lot' around us. That's a reasonable reaction in a village or in a home neighborhood within a larger settlement, but with today's media the entire nation is our village in terms of news. Thus we may find ourselves fearing things that are actually very rare, while things that are far more common but which don't get the same media attention and public awareness can be far more of a threat to the average person. Thus our own natural unconscious mental processes tend to leave us with distorted feelings about what's normal or at least common, often despite our intermittent conscious efforts to attempt to apply reason to the matter.

I personally know two women who have been raped and/or beaten, and undoubtedly there are many more I know who have kept such knowledge private enough that I don't know about it. Now any one rape that gets reported to the police may get local news coverage but is unlikely to get statewide or national coverage unless there are very special circumstances.

OTOH, far less important news stories (like today's story of a man who wore little more than women's underwear on a flight) may well get national coverage if they are very unusual or sensational. This stands in contrast to the daily toll of ordinary lives across the nation that are snuffed out or severely traumatized by crimes like murder and rape but whose demise or trauma are seldom reported beyond a small area. We may still hear of crime statistics and one might hope that such awareness of large numbers of severe crimes would counterbalance selective reporting of individual incidents. However, it's the individual stories we hear that drill down into our subconscious and really affect our perceptions about what's going on, rather than abstractions like statistics.

We can get angry at the news media for this situation, but in all fairness they are responding to human psychology, albeit to differing degrees depending on the outlet. It's up to us to be aware of these human tendencies and to use our conscious awareness to override such reactions when it makes sense to do so. We can also chose to patronize news sources that do a better job of avoiding sensationalism.

Bill D.

[Audrey Horne]

I forgot to say when I wrote my reply that I mostly use public transport and walk. I think it isn't the majority here, so then yes, it may be more irrational than rational for people who drive cars.
About news coverage... Well, sure media loves sensation, and it means they will repeat it over and over again. It is for you to decide what to read and believe. At the same time some attack in the street or a stolen mobile phone can get some minimal but still a coverage too. It depends.
To live in fear isn't a way. Obviously. But isn't it normal to be somewhat worried for something that takes years of care and dedication...
I can see why kid's braid got cut (well, I think I do). I haven't seen an adult woman wearing braids for a really long time, indeed! Whenever I wear them I get some attention with my two short pathetic braids... But I just don't care. The most women wear it down, or in the bun or something. And I suspect the weirdos don't use scissors, I'd use a Swiss knife lol :D
End of rant.

[Dr. Girlfriend]

I forgot to say when I wrote my reply that I mostly use public transport and walk. I think it isn't the majority here, so then yes, it may be more irrational than rational for people who drive cars.


I didn't think about factoring pubic transportation into the mix. I would definitely be much more concerned about my hair if I were taking the bus.

[Tressie]

When I was in middle school and had very long red hair, a girl that made fun of me on the bus actually did cut a lock of my hair off. :(

But, fearing random people would do it? Haven't had that.

But don't be fooled, I'm filled to the brim with irrational fears. Well, some of them aren't irrational. I'm crazy with locking doors and leaving a light or two on at night and want to learn self-defense and carry mace and crap like that because I HAVE been attacked before. The fear itself isn't irrational but the feeling I get I think probably is. (Sorry to get off topic.)

I just wanted to say I'm sorry this happened to you! :grouphug: I don't think your concern is irrational at all, but very natural under the circumstances. :flower:

[Celtic Morla]

It's not an irrational fear! I have had people touch my hair and it wigs me out!! Just yesterday my DD(23) and I were in the Laundromat and a woman came up to pass her saw her fairy wings tatoo on her back and started touching it.Totally freaked my DD out! Too m eits pone thign to admire something another to start touching without permission!!!

[Arya]

Chopping off your hair is a form of assault, and a rare one at that. You're much more likely to be physically assaulted. And hey, hair grows back. I'd rather my hair cut off than scissors in my back.
And look at it this way! Once it's cut off, you can choke your assailant more effectively with it! :D

I'd say don't worry about it. Those annoying bolts and spaces between seats and bars on the bus. and zippers and snaps on coats and bags of fellow subway riders are much more likely to harm your hair than anyone else, and it's another good reason to keep it up.

[Toadstool]

*Sigh*. We're going to have to agree to disagree, then. I would wager most people have no idea what the word lame actually refers to. How can it be wrong for them to use it in the only way they know how?
You're actually serious??? There are people who don't know what "lame" means???:confused::confused:

[monsterna]

You're actually serious??? There are people who don't know what "lame" means???:confused::confused:

That it refers to disabled movement? Yes, I wouldn't think most people would know that.

[Arya]

That it refers to disabled movement? Yes, I wouldn't think most people would know that.

I thought lame was lost in the annals of old medical terminology like 'consumption' or 'the vapours'. I've only heard people get offended by it once, a few years ago, and I was surprised to hear people still identify with that term.

edit: I did know that it still applied to horses, but I didn't think we used it to refer to people anymore.

[gogirlanime]

I mean, who would carry scissors to cut other people's hair off?!

I second this. I understand your fear and have had it before, but it's HIGHLY unlikely that someone is going to do that, especially randomly.

[AnnaJamila]

Pschew!

Thank heavens for hijab; I never ever have to worry about that!!! :D