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View Full Version : Unwelcome advice from short haired family members!



bunzfan
June 4th, 2011, 12:46 PM
I'm so cross right now and i know you guys are the only one's that will understand why its angered me. My mother came to stay with me to help with the children as i had a family members funeral to go to, let me explain something about her views on hair care her own hair has never been longer than a bob she colours the hell out of it and uses 3 cans of hair spray a week.

She told me the day before i was going that i don't suit up do's as my face is far to thin and long i actually cut in a fringe as i knew i would get this comment oh and i need to cut at least three inches off to make it grow faster and apparently your meant to use condition on the whole of your head not just the mid lengths and ends!

Here is the final insult, i wore my hair in a braid wrapped round a flexi 8 and my auntie complimented me on this saying my great grand mother wore her hair just like that and had lovely thick hair. I was so pleased about that so i told my mum and do you know what she said god knows why you had to wear your hair in that unflattering old fashioned hair style . I really wanted to do this i can tell you :slap:

But i just said look i don't tell you what to do with your hair i totally disagree with all the colour you use and the back combing and hair spray but i don't tell you.

If you got to the end thanks for reading.

Honestly mothers!

okiesarah
June 4th, 2011, 12:57 PM
From all the comments and stories like these that people get I'm glad my mom and family aren't that rude. I mean, I cut my hair from tailbone to ears in 4th grade and my Mom said she cried for two weeks and kept my braid they cut off in a box in her closet. She is ecstatic I'm growing it back out. And the rest of my family always compliments how long my hair is getting again. I'm not sure how I would handle it if I got negative comments like you! So sorry you have to deal with this :(

MagicAndMayhem
June 4th, 2011, 12:57 PM
Yeah, I think we all get our fair share of unwelcomed advice xD

Maybe you can tell your mom to agree to disagree and also to keep her comments to herself if she knows that hurts you. At least your aunt had nice, positive things to say.

Alvrodul
June 4th, 2011, 01:00 PM
Depending on your mood, I suggest two ways of cealing with this - one (the polite one) is saying "Thank you for your opinion/tips/recommendation, and then wearing your hair the way you want it. The second is a comment like "My hair, my way" and then wearing your hair the way you want it.
Family. You can't live with them, sometimes, and there's no resale value. ;)

EmiliaF
June 4th, 2011, 01:00 PM
Sounds very annoying!
I just took a look at your updo album and I love it!! Your hair has amazing shine, looks super-thick and has a beautiful color.
If she wasn't your mum I would say she was just jealous, but in this case I would guess that it's more a control thing. I have a similar problem with my father. He always thought he knows what's best for me (career-wise) and forgot that I might have some ideas of my own. I know how frustrating that is. I think they want us to be happy and think they know the key to that, while we want to make our own decisions but ultimately would like them to approve. In the end both parties are frustrated, because the 'superficial' message is: 'I don't value your opinion'. :shrug:

maysum
June 4th, 2011, 01:02 PM
I sympathise. My mum hates long hair - she is always on at me to cut it (to give it 'bounce').

But then I always tell her it is her own fault I'm into long hair - I had a permanent bob as a child until I was old enough to refuse to go to the hairdressers to get it cut until it grew a bit. I hated having short hair so much as a kid that it triggered my addition to long locks as an adult.

Scarlet_Heart
June 4th, 2011, 01:04 PM
Seriously, what's with people? Luckily, my mother was/is a longhair and my dad loves long hair on women. Most people I encounter are really supportive/complimenting of my hair. So I don't know where these judgemental people are coming from. Maybe she's trying to be helpful? I don't know. Wish I could help more. But you know your hair looks awesome, right? :grouphug:

ladyfey
June 4th, 2011, 01:07 PM
My father is the same way! I just say "I'm not here to decorate your world." I think people with that attitude have the idea that their opinion is right, anyone else's is wrong. They don't understand that things are subjective. I feel for you, sorry about your Mom's attitude!

bunzfan
June 4th, 2011, 01:09 PM
Thank you everyone i knew you would understand, she is very controlling but i also think she's jealous of both her daughters which is quite sad. When i told my sister what she said she wasn't surprised but told me i have lovely thick long hair and its pure jealousy.

vintage88
June 4th, 2011, 01:13 PM
I've had comments from family members which have been rude. It's hard but don't let them get you down, your hair is beautiful :)

CrystalStar
June 4th, 2011, 01:32 PM
People can be fast to say things without realising how hurtful they are! Your hair in your signature looks gorgeous the way it is!

Jemoiselle
June 4th, 2011, 01:38 PM
I am so sorry she said those horrible things! Especially during a sad time it sounds. I for one think your hair is lovely, and I agree with so many of the comments here but my fav is the one from ladyfey "I'm not here to decorate your world!". Enjoy your beautiful hair my friend, and hold on to your auntie's beautiful compliment.

Jemoiselle

pepperminttea
June 4th, 2011, 01:43 PM
She says "old-fashioned," I say elegant, classic, and beautiful. And you didn't even need a single can of hairspray to do it! :p

HappyMuser
June 4th, 2011, 01:45 PM
Ah, I totally understand. I wasn't allowed to have longer hair than shoulder length by my parents until a few years ago

McFearless
June 4th, 2011, 01:46 PM
I'm sorry for your loss bunzfan. *hug*

Even though your mom is no fan, your hard work is not going unnoticed. I think everybody on this forum can agree your hair is stunning and boy have we seen a lot of hair! Your aunt is a fan, too.

:)

Slinks
June 4th, 2011, 03:23 PM
my Mum thinks it's great that I'm growing my hair and letting it go natural .. her hair is about shoulder length and she buns it up every day, she also has her hair dyed blonde, I've NEVER seen her natural colour, she's been red and reddy brown all my years of growing up and always about shoulder length ..

I really don't get some of the horror mother stories I've read on this forum .. sorry about your mother's comment, it's so sad, at least your auntie (mother's sister ??) has nice words to say :-)

your hair is gorgeous, don't let that comment hurt you ..

MonaLisa
June 4th, 2011, 04:16 PM
Your hair is lovely...and i don't believe in ' old-fashioned'...you do what you like the most, and i dont believe she's fashion expert :)

I have similar problem, whenever my mom sees my hair she has to comment that i should trim those ends...once it was even few days after a big trim she didn't know about..
it's so annoying, i can't even describe you... i don't like the way she looks at my hair even..uncomfortable...:(

dulce
June 4th, 2011, 04:48 PM
You have BEAUTIFUL hair,unfortunately some moms are control freeks and also addicted to their weekly salon visits,nightly hair curlers,cans of hair spray and salon perms and hair colouring and professional "sets".My late mom was like that,she loved stiff set salon short permed coloured dos and till I was about 15 used to threaten to cut off my hair in my sleep.Luckily she never did but that and other negative comments of hers I still remember today.Even when she had terminal cancer and was undergoing chemo and radiation, she tried to keep up her weekly visits even though the hair dressers all told her perms and hair colouring don't do well with chemo and radiation.She would argue and would go from 1 hairdresser to another till she found one willing to do what she wanted Sad.If you can realize it's less your problem and more coming from where she is and try not to take it too personally it's a bit easier.But still do what is best for you,it's your life and your hair-you only get one life,live it as you want.Your mom will just have to learn to accept that,afterall she wears her hair the way she wants.

tigereye
June 4th, 2011, 05:36 PM
I sympathise. My mum hates long hair - she is always on at me to cut it (to give it 'bounce').

But then I always tell her it is her own fault I'm into long hair - I had a permanent bob as a child until I was old enough to refuse to go to the hairdressers to get it cut until it grew a bit. I hated having short hair so much as a kid that it triggered my addition to long locks as an adult.
Haha love this. This is why my mum has always had "long:p" hair. Its been around BSL all of her adult life, and only recently got it cut to a bit above APL to deal with damage from the colour she uses to dye her grey hair with. But it was her dream to have long hair as a child, when she was forced into having short hair, so she always had long hair ever since, and because she has always had long hair, I wanted long hair too:rolleyes:. But then I got a bit carried away and want it looooonger;)

buzfan: I agree with the others. Just tell her how you feel, and just wear your hair as you like. You still have that lovely comment from your auntie :) Besides updo's are beautiful:joy:

Lianna
June 4th, 2011, 05:48 PM
I'm sure your hair was very nice in that style, braided buns are one of my favorites, one of the reasons I'm growing my hair. You seem to feel so superior because she has "short and dyed" hair though.

slz
June 4th, 2011, 05:56 PM
unfortunately some moms are control freeks
Yep I agree that's what it's about - whatever you do, if it's different from what she does : it's BAD :rolleyes: .

x0h_bother
June 4th, 2011, 06:18 PM
I've heard the whole-face too thin for long hair thing. What does that even mean? I have a long face get over it. Oh and I like long hair. Lol sorry it's just that people assume that having long hair makes your face look thinner than it is, which equals bad. I don't know about you, but my face has not gotten THINNER and looks BETTER with long hair. Hmph.

jenhow
June 4th, 2011, 07:09 PM
It sounds to me like you handled the situation really well and hopefully it won't happen again. Negative comments hurt a lot - especially when they come from someone who you would - quite rightly - expect to be supportive of whatever decisions you make. I had a look at your album and your hair is really beautiful, long and shiny.

Nae
June 4th, 2011, 07:38 PM
She says "old-fashioned," I say elegant, classic, and beautiful. And you didn't even need a single can of hairspray to do it! :p

Well, frankly, you could throw the whole "old fashioned" comment right back at her. The bob first became popular in the 1920s, therefore, her hairstyle is nearly a century old!!!!

You aren't old fashioned, your hair is beautiful.

Also, thank goodness for loving aunts!

elbow chic
June 4th, 2011, 08:00 PM
is that not what family is for? Giving you unwelcome advice and dubious heirlooms? :p

tinti
June 4th, 2011, 08:01 PM
I'm so sorry you had to go through this :hug:
Buy, you know what suits you and what you wants, and that's the only thing that matters!! I have a grand mothe rthat loves to tell you that my hair's in my face and that short hair suits me soooooo much better (just because she has short hair and similar face shape) I think you handled it the right way :)

HairFaerie
June 4th, 2011, 08:19 PM
About two years ago one of my sisters (she's 5 years older than me) went from between shoulder & APL to a chin length bob. She swears that she will never go back to hair any longer than chin.

She insists that with my facial structure, I should keep short hair. She also insists (and I quote) "Long hair is going to make you look so much older!"

She is of the camp that long hair on "older" women is a no-no. She thinks long hair is boring and hard to take care of.

I disagree.

I think the style of hair that you choose to wear is almost secondary, to me it's how you carry it that matters. Example: Some women can rock hip length hair one minute and on a whim totally rock a short cut. They be confident with either one. It isn't necessarily the length or style that mattered, but how she carries them.

If my sister is more confident with the chin length bob, good for her. But for her to try to tell me how to wear my hair.....uh.....unwelcome advise.

Of course, this makes me want to do it even more just to prove her wrong....:twisted:

(Edit: Some background....I know for a fact when we were younger she was always jealous of my tailbone length hair. She told me so. So, I think this is her way of trying to convince me to keep short hair.)

DoubleCrowned
June 4th, 2011, 09:27 PM
Hair is an easy target because of the make-over concept--it's an obvious way to "fix" you. I suspect, however, that the moms who are dissatisfied with their children's appearance are actually insecure about something in themselves. If you changed your hair to her liking, there would be something else she would want you to change, and it would continue until she comes to terms with her own issues.

dulce
June 4th, 2011, 10:35 PM
DoubleCrowned,I couldn't agree more!!

darklion
June 5th, 2011, 01:17 AM
my mother hated long hair too.
you can pick your friends; you can pick your nose; you can't pick your family.

Safira
June 5th, 2011, 03:21 AM
Oh, donīt care your moms comments. You have beautiful hair and theres nothing oldfashioned way with updos. People just donīt know how to make updos and thatīs why itīs rare.

My mom also hated my hair. She didnīt like it when my hair was hiplenght. But itīs your hair, not hers.

Mesmerise
June 5th, 2011, 03:44 AM
I can't believe some mothers still try to control their adult daughters in this way :confused:. My mother has never really tried to control how I had my hair (maybe a bit when I was little...but umm...from the time I really knew what I wanted she mostly just let me be).

My mum, I guess, doesn't understand a desire for long hair. I've only ever seen one set of pictures where she had hair longer than a pixie (they were on some slides my parents had from the early 70s) and she had hair between shoulder and APL. I was like "WOW Mum! You had long hair!!!" hehe. But all my life she's kept her hair short, and ever picture I ever saw of her as a child she had short hair (I wonder if her mother made her keep it short? Not sure...but my grandma was of the generation of ladies who went to the salon weekly for a style and blow dry).

Anyway, I've had long hair on and off all my life. The only issue when I had long hair was that my mum had NO IDEA how to do hair. None... I guess because she'd never had long hair herself! She's certainly never said I should cut it because I'm getting old...errm in fact...I don't recall the last time she said anything about my hair at all!

I also can't imagine telling my adult daughter (which I don't have yet, but will have in a few years lol) how to have her hair. I mostly go along with my daughter with what she wants now, although for a long time I resisted her cutting it shorter!! I finally relented and let her get a chin length bob at the start of the year (I persuaded her to get an undercut so she'd be able to maintain it herself and it wouldn't look as triangular lol...she has very thick hair) and it has been easier for her to handle. She now wants to grow it long again, which I'm all for, but will keep the undercut, at least for now.

Anyway, I'm sure if anyone DID tell me what to do, I'd just ignore them anyway. Life's too short to let other people's opinions dictate how you live your life, or how you look! After all, it's you who has to live with yourself and the face you see in the mirror each morning!

bunzfan
June 5th, 2011, 03:57 AM
She says "old-fashioned," I say elegant, classic, and beautiful. And you didn't even need a single can of hairspray to do it!

Haha i love it thank you, i never could stand hair spray the hair doesn't move its just not natural

I'm sorry for your loss bunzfan.

Even though your mom is no fan, your hard work is not going unnoticed. I think everybody on this forum can agree your hair is stunning and boy have we seen a lot of hair! Your aunt is a fan, too.



Oh thank you what a compliment i guess i was just so happy its getting so long now i should of realised she wouldn't approve.


Your hair is lovely...and i don't believe in ' old-fashioned'...you do what you like the most, and i dont believe she's fashion expert

I have similar problem, whenever my mom sees my hair she has to comment that i should trim those ends...once it was even few days after a big trim she didn't know about..
it's so annoying, i can't even describe you... i don't like the way she looks at my hair even..uncomfortable...:(

I think its less about our actual hair and that just we want to be ourselves and different from them.


You have BEAUTIFUL hair,unfortunately some moms are control freeks and also addicted to their weekly salon visits,nightly hair curlers,cans of hair spray and salon perms and hair colouring and professional "sets".My late mom was like that,she loved stiff set salon short permed coloured dos and till I was about 15 used to threaten to cut off my hair in my sleep.Luckily she never did but that and other negative comments of hers I still remember today.Even when she had terminal cancer and was undergoing chemo and radiation, she tried to keep up her weekly visits even though the hair dressers all told her perms and hair colouring don't do well with chemo and radiation.She would argue and would go from 1 hairdresser to another till she found one willing to do what she wanted Sad.If you can realize it's less your problem and more coming from where she is and try not to take it too personally it's a bit easier.But still do what is best for you,it's your life and your hair-you only get one life,live it as you want.Your mom will just have to learn to accept that,afterall she wears her hair the way she wants.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum but i'm sure if my mum was in a similar situation she would do exactly the same.


Haha love this. This is why my mum has always had "long:p" hair. Its been around BSL all of her adult life, and only recently got it cut to a bit above APL to deal with damage from the colour she uses to dye her grey hair with. But it was her dream to have long hair as a child, when she was forced into having short hair, so she always had long hair ever since, and because she has always had long hair, I wanted long hair too:rolleyes:. But then I got a bit carried away and want it looooonger

buzfan: I agree with the others. Just tell her how you feel, and just wear your hair as you like. You still have that lovely comment from your auntie :) Besides updo's are beautiful

Thank you thats the whole reason i grow my hair long just so i could wear it up:p i also got that stupid comment whats the point of having it so long if your only going to wear it up!


I'm sure your hair was very nice in that style, braided buns are one of my favorites, one of the reasons I'm growing my hair. You seem to feel so superior because she has "short and dyed" hair though.

No not at all i have no problem with people that have short hair and colour it but its went they try and tell me they know how to care for hair better. Its not that long a go my hair was a similar length and i never dreamed i could reach such lengths.


Yep I agree that's what it's about - whatever you do, if it's different from what she does : it's BAD .

Oh yes tell me about it because now i'm older i have views on things and she can't change them probably because i'm older (30's) and can't be bent to her will.


I've heard the whole-face too thin for long hair thing. What does that even mean? I have a long face get over it. Oh and I like long hair. Lol sorry it's just that people assume that having long hair makes your face look thinner than it is, which equals bad. I don't know about you, but my face has not gotten THINNER and looks BETTER with long hair. Hmph.

Haha i know i never got it either the fact that i cut in a fringe now also makes it look a lot softer to, wen i look back at when i had really short hair i actually looked a lot older


Well, frankly, you could throw the whole "old fashioned" comment right back at her. The bob first became popular in the 1920s, therefore, her hairstyle is nearly a century old!!!!

You aren't old fashioned, your hair is beautiful.

Also, thank goodness for loving aunts!

Thanks Nae yes i was surprised at my aunts comments as she's not one really to say nice things about someone's appearance.


is that not what family is for? Giving you unwelcome advice and dubious heirlooms?

Well if they are i have had plenty of that over the years:)


I'm so sorry you had to go through this :hug:
Buy, you know what suits you and what you wants, and that's the only thing that matters!! I have a grand mothe rthat loves to tell you that my hair's in my face and that short hair suits me soooooo much better (just because she has short hair and similar face shape) I think you handled it the right way :)

Thank you Tinti its difficult isn't it knowing how to deal with that sort of situation with a family member without being rude


About two years ago one of my sisters (she's 5 years older than me) went from between shoulder & APL to a chin length bob. She swears that she will never go back to hair any longer than chin.

She insists that with my facial structure, I should keep short hair. She also insists (and I quote) "Long hair is going to make you look so much older!"

She is of the camp that long hair on "older" women is a no-no. She thinks long hair is boring and hard to take care of.

I disagree.

I think the style of hair that you choose to wear is almost secondary, to me it's how you carry it that matters. Example: Some women can rock hip length hair one minute and on a whim totally rock a short cut. They be confident with either one. It isn't necessarily the length or style that mattered, but how she carries them.

If my sister is more confident with the chin length bob, good for her. But for her to try to tell me how to wear my hair.....uh.....unwelcome advise.

Of course, this makes me want to do it even more just to prove her wrong....:twisted:

(Edit: Some background....I know for a fact when we were younger she was always jealous of my tailbone length hair. She told me so. So, I think this is her way of trying to convince me to keep short hair.)

Thats sounds just like my mum she also thinks once a women reaches 40 she should chop long hair off as she's far to old for it.


Hair is an easy target because of the make-over concept--it's an obvious way to "fix" you. I suspect, however, that the moms who are dissatisfied with their children's appearance are actually insecure about something in themselves. If you changed your hair to her liking, there would be something else she would want you to change, and it would continue until she comes to terms with her own issues.

yes your right there i know it annoys her that i don't plaster my face with make up like she does but that's to do with confidence i think, also with 2 children i just don't have the time to put that much make up on every day.

bunzfan
June 5th, 2011, 04:01 AM
I also wanted to add all your lovely comments really cheered me up when i logged on this morning so thank you all:D

arc691
June 5th, 2011, 04:07 AM
People can be fast to say things without realising how hurtful they are! Your hair in your signature looks gorgeous the way it is!


I'm sorry for your loss bunzfan. *hug*

Even though your mom is no fan, your hard work is not going unnoticed. I think everybody on this forum can agree your hair is stunning and boy have we seen a lot of hair! Your aunt is a fan, too.

:)


Oh, don´t care your moms comments. You have beautiful hair and theres nothing oldfashioned way with updos. People just don´t know how to make updos and that´s why it´s rare.

My mom also hated my hair. She didn´t like it when my hair was hiplenght. But it´s your hair, not hers.


http://i778.photobucket.com/albums/yy68/terryandjody/More%20More%20Smilies/animated_26.gif

I'm sorry about that! I totally agree with everybody on this thread~ your hair is gorgeous, pleeeeaaaase don't cut it unless you want to!

I've gotten a little bit of "flack" from third-parties in the past about having long hair, but thankfully not from my immediate family. Actually, my mom is the one who takes pictures of my hair for me to post on the LHC! (Let's see~ my brother has told me that he does not like my double cinnamon bun/Princess Leah look, but I told him so what?! I like it! (And so do a lot of people here on the forum, I might add LOL!)

It's hard to live down mean or unkind comments, but remember, we're rooting for you!

http://i778.photobucket.com/albums/yy68/terryandjody/More%20More%20Smilies/Animated20Dogs20waving.gif
"Bunzfan's LHC Fan Club"

bunzfan
June 5th, 2011, 08:37 AM
Arc691 you really are the sweetest person thank you. I certainly have no intention of cutting it i hate my 2c hair in a bob it looks like a triangle the longer it gets the better it looks.

This is just for you:cookie: for being so nice:)

hs_atreides
June 5th, 2011, 08:45 AM
How frustrating for you. It's YOUR hair! I did find this amusing only in that I recently had a family member jokingly challenge that I "wouldn't make it". I am growing out a pixie and reached short bob status. I think my challenge will be that I have sported short do's for a long time and wear them well, and others may be living out short hair fantasies through me. Lol.
Your hair is beautiful! I look forward to having even half that length!! Best wishes :)

redheadlynn
June 5th, 2011, 09:02 AM
My father is the same way! I just say "I'm not here to decorate your world." I think people with that attitude have the idea that their opinion is right, anyone else's is wrong. They don't understand that things are subjective. I feel for you, sorry about your Mom's attitude!

This is how one particularly gossipy family member is. She keeps her hair short (pixie length) and bleached blonde. She always tries to tell me how long hair (anything past the chin!) doesn't "look good on our faces". See, I'm 4'10.5", and she is 5'2" or so, and other family members are short. She seems convinced that I should keep unfeminine hair for the sole reason that it frames my face better.

I simply told her that while it may be the case, I didn't care how it made my face look. I wanted to look sexy and beautiful and be able to change my look with updos and what-not, and so my hair was going to be long, period.

Grrr... Some people just want others to think like them.... :rolleyes:

redheadlynn
June 5th, 2011, 09:04 AM
How frustrating for you. It's YOUR hair! I did find this amusing only in that I recently had a family member jokingly challenge that I "wouldn't make it". I am growing out a pixie and reached short bob status. I think my challenge will be that I have sported short do's for a long time and wear them well, and others may be living out short hair fantasies through me. Lol.
Your hair is beautiful! I look forward to having even half that length!! Best wishes :)

Don't you want to grow it just to show them that you can? ;)

Congrats on the growing, btw! :) :cheese:

SilvraShadows
June 5th, 2011, 09:15 AM
It takes inner strength to go against the tides. Family can be very influential. But this strength is to be admired above all, and perhaps your long hair reflects this.

GoatLady
June 5th, 2011, 09:17 AM
What matters is how "you" feel about your hair. As long as you love it, rock it with confidence.

My mother always had short, totally fried and teased hair, piled on her head. Never a natural color. Mostly platinum. Gack! But she apparently loved it that way, so more power to her.

verene
June 5th, 2011, 09:22 AM
My sister has short hair and is always trying to get me to do things with my hair (apparently my mother and I are both horribly boring because we have long hair that we don't really do much with).

I usually counter her "you should try X with your hair" with a "well you should try Y" with your hair (Y being something that I do with my hair that she finds utterly boring or otherwise ridiculous) it seems to work as after enough times of us doing this , and completely ignoring the other one's comments, we now just let the other one be with out making the comments in the first place.

hs_atreides
June 5th, 2011, 09:34 AM
Don't you want to grow it just to show them that you can? ;)

Congrats on the growing, btw! :) :cheese:
Absolutely!! And keep it as healthy as possible!
Thanks!! :)

cygus
June 16th, 2011, 10:11 AM
My Mom is the exact opposite. She's always had long (tailbonish) hair and doesn't like when i've cut my hair. She's Indian and thinks that long hair on women = pretty. It is pretty, but I like changing things up...until now, i'm growing my hair and she approves....not that i'm doing it for her, but its nice not to hear nagging about why did i cut my hair! she's never been rude though, just kind of naggy.

JuliaDancer
June 16th, 2011, 10:47 AM
My dad always preferred short hair on women, but once I hit junior year of high school, and I realized I could make my own decisions about my hair (duh), I started growing it out. So did my sisters! From then on, I just kept it around BSL. Now I'm growing to tailbone! My dad used to whinge sometimes about wanting us to cut our hair again, but we would just say we liked this better, and he would stop. I'm sorry your mom makes such rude comments to you! It does seem like jealousy to me.

celebriangel
June 16th, 2011, 11:28 AM
It's so irritating when family members do this :( I have received support from my mum while growing out thus far, but I think that will stop once she realises I'm going past BSL (that's when my childhood haircuts always used to happen...)

bunzfan
June 16th, 2011, 01:28 PM
It's not nice no but just this week two friends commented on how beautiful they thought my hair was so i felt much better.

spidermom
June 16th, 2011, 02:08 PM
"Thank you for sharing. Now I have some suggestions for YOU."

bunzfan
June 16th, 2011, 02:15 PM
"Thank you for sharing. Now I have some suggestions for YOU."

Oh do you:confused:

Maverick494
June 16th, 2011, 03:43 PM
It surprises me how cruel some people can be. Having long hair is like being the skinny girl. Somehow people think it's okay to pick on you for those things, whilst if you would call them out on that asymmetric bob / their chubbiness, all hell breaks loose. It's hypocritical. No-one likes negative comments on their physical attributes.

Luckily, my family supports me. My dad absolutely loves the fact I'm growing my hair again and my mom is supportive as well, though it took her awhile. I was stuck in the "meh" phase for a while, where my hair was neither APL or BSL and had a bad hemline. She constantly told me to get it cut, but I persevered. Now I'm at waist (or almost) and she likes it. :cheese:

At school I sometimes see girls looking at me suspiciously, trying to detect hair extensions that are not there. We have a lot of girls who are "faking it" but somehow you can always tell. And a few days ago a classmate of mine (after someone asked me if I planned to grow it longer) said: "but it can't get longer than that. Right?" He was totally serious and I had to laugh, telling him I'd seen people with knee length hair and he just looked at me bug-eyed.:D

Just goes to show the misconceptions about hair among a lot of people.

Maverick494
June 16th, 2011, 03:44 PM
Oh do you:confused:

Spidermom meant that sentence as something to say to your mom, hence the " at the beginning and at the end :)

dragonchickx
June 16th, 2011, 04:05 PM
wow at least you don't have to worry about her being honest with you! but who is to say what is and what is not flattering that is all a matter of opinion. I think it looks amazing for the length it is so healthy unlike some i have seen around town and at school. Don't be discouraged, it is easy but from everything I have learned giving in to other peoples wants and desires only leaves you unhappy even if it is with the best intentions. <3

Mesmerise
June 16th, 2011, 04:12 PM
It surprises me how cruel some people can be. Having long hair is like being the skinny girl. Somehow people think it's okay to pick on you for those things, whilst if you would call them out on that asymmetric bob / their chubbiness, all hell breaks loose. It's hypocritical. No-one likes negative comments on their physical attributes.



Or being short... for some reason people think it's FINE to tease me for my height, and yet if I was morbidly obese, or had an enormous nose or something, they wouldn't say a word! What is WITH that?? It drives me nuts (not to mention it's picking on the ONE THING I am sooo sensitive and insecure about).

I can't wait for the day when my hair is long enough that people notice THAT and stop making comments about my HEIGHT (which i can do absolutely NOTHING about...).

*mini rant over* lol

I think people should keep their opinions to themselves :rolleyes:. If they don't like it too bad, it's you and your hair or whatever about you...and really people should shut their traps if they don't have something nice to say!

BlazingHeart
June 16th, 2011, 06:21 PM
Wow, that must have been hard! And you have such lovely hair, too.

I can't imagine my mother saying something like that. I remember exactly 2 occasions when she has made negative comments about my hair: both were after disasterous cuts and after I said I didn't like the result. If I hadn't already said I didn't like it, she would never have said anything. Or if she did, it would have been an incredibly tactful suggestion that perhaps I should see her hairdresser (who incidentally is my preferred hairdresser anyhow).

callisa
June 16th, 2011, 07:54 PM
Your hair is beautiful m' lady


Lady Azaleia, Ruler of the Acid Waters in the Order of the Longhaired Knights

Dare_to_Dream
June 16th, 2011, 08:05 PM
I am another one of those who was forced to have a mushroom cut until I was 12 and was encouraged not to go past shoulder length after that. I definitely think this has contributed to me wanting to experience super long hair. - which I have far from accomplished - but I am on my way.

FreakyGreenEyes
June 16th, 2011, 08:07 PM
1. Your hair is beautiful.
2. Stupid comments (family or not) deserve one of two things: a response letting them know how rude/inconsiderate/unwelcome their comment was, or an abrupt and complete end to the conversation with you sashaying your beautiful hair out the door or hanging up the call.

UltraBella
June 16th, 2011, 08:38 PM
Mothers can be notoriously harsh. I just don't get why ! I don't say these things to my daughter. I have suggested strongly that she should give up flat ironing since she is growing it, but I let her make decisions about her own hair, it's not mine to control.
My mom is thrilled that I just cut my hair, but she hadn't told me she hoped I would. I appreciate her keeping it to herself.
I will say in your mom's very slight defense that many do condition their whole heads, myself included. So I understand where that one came from, but not everyone has to do it the same way !

Belisarius
June 17th, 2011, 02:39 AM
Or being short... for some reason people think it's FINE to tease me for my height, and yet if I was morbidly obese, or had an enormous nose or something, they wouldn't say a word! What is WITH that?? It drives me nuts (not to mention it's picking on the ONE THING I am sooo sensitive and insecure about).

I can't wait for the day when my hair is long enough that people notice THAT and stop making comments about my HEIGHT (which i can do absolutely NOTHING about...).

Not completely true. You can have your legs extended somewhat. Cutting the bones, extending with strips, then the bones grow back. It's really painful and expensive though.

LunaMoon
June 17th, 2011, 04:05 AM
Mothers...
Mine is the same, I really don't care anymore but when I was younger that kind of comment hurt a lot. Actually I never had a compliment coming from my mother or father.
Good thing is we can choose well our friends!:cheese:
We all know your hair is great, beautiful and up-dos are classy!
Being able to do elaborated up-dos are one of the reasons I am growing long hair.

IanB
June 17th, 2011, 04:23 AM
Mums don't always know best, specially when it comes to your personal choices of how you want to look. Just imaginbe how difficult it is for some of us blokes to overcome the unwelcome comments and suggestions from family and friends.

Mesmerise
June 17th, 2011, 04:36 AM
Not completely true. You can have your legs extended somewhat. Cutting the bones, extending with strips, then the bones grow back. It's really painful and expensive though.

True ;) I begged my parents to let me get this done and they refused!!!! lol... I've heard they do it in Russia? At least I read an article about a girl who went and got it done... but it's a bit too much of a hassle to travel overseas for several months and probably lots of thousands of dollars :D.

julliams
June 17th, 2011, 04:47 AM
Yes - mothers who have unwanted advice - they tell you that it's their "job" to tell you because if they (as family) don't, noone else will. I so hear you...

boomygrrl
June 17th, 2011, 08:01 AM
My parents used to be critical when I was younger (not about hair, but just in general)...I know how it feels to feel judged.
I have a different relationship with my parents now that I'm older. I can joke with them back. If my mom were to tell me she doesn't like the way I style my hair or the length of my hair...I would tell her that its her opinion and that I like it. If she were to say its horrible and it will keep me from obtaining some kind of goal (I am married and employed, so I'm not sure what she could use against me...but this is hypothetical), I would laugh and tell her "okay, mom" (in that "whatever" tone of voice). I'd do those things to my dad too.

If my husband said those things, I would take it to heart more. In fact, when we were first dating, he did say some negative comment about my hair...Oh yeah, I think it was when I straightened it one evening and he said he likes straight hair. I told him that I love my curly hair and that he shouldn't be talking because he doesn't have much hair...I think I said the snarky "at least I have hair" comment.

I'm not normally a mean person, but if someone is going to insult me, then I assume they can take what they dish out...whether they really can or not. If one wants to delve into judgmental territory, don't expect special status from me...don't judge, lest ye be judged.

elbow chic
June 17th, 2011, 08:03 AM
"Thank you for sharing. Now I have some suggestions for YOU."

hahaha! I may have to remember this for future discussions with certain family members. argh.

RitaCeleste
June 17th, 2011, 12:24 PM
lol! Yeah, unfortunately they don't leave the unwanted comments to just the hair. They don't like this or that about how you raise the kids. They don't think this or that job would suit you. I got chewed for not jumping up and down at the opportunity to take phone orders for QVC because I could work from and make money while raising my kids. Never mind that my idea of job will require leaving my house and kids and seeing other adult humans. I think its really a testament to our desire to please the people we love that we get bent when they don't always approve of things. I usually will be pushed into agreeing to things that aren't what I want. Unfortunately my follow threw on such things is bad. Sure I promise not to order the kids glasses and make them wear their free pair for months while they are under warranty. Sure this sane and logical and will possibly save me money. Two days later I sneak onto the computer and order the kids cool glasses so they can wear those their first week of school!!! If I had of been all that honest I just would have said "NO!" to waiting. I guess I try look agreeable, skip the lectures, and move right on to doing whatever it is that makes me happy.:D

oktobergoud
June 17th, 2011, 12:37 PM
To me, it has always been the other way around :P
My mom has short hair as well (though longer than me now) and I was the one with the pixie that bleached and dyed the hell out of it! My mom aaaaaalways told me to stop dyeing it, to cut it (because it was FRIED), condition it etc. Now it has all turned around and I'm trying to get her on henna and try to make her stop using hairspray haha!

But I can totally understand your frustration, do whatever you want to do with your hair! When I had a platinum pixie, both my grandmothers couldn't stop telling me how awful they thought it was, how bad it looked etc., every time I saw them. They kept asking me 'when are you going to dye it over again?? WHEN? PLEASE?' It was very frustrating!

(although I could understand why they didn't like it and I'm glad they like my healthy henna hair way better ;))

But yeah, long story short: it really is annoying, and I just can't understand why people would do that because it's not like we are going to change it, just because they want it to.

EtherealOde
June 17th, 2011, 01:27 PM
Everyone else has already said everything I would have said, so I won't comment on your mother's lack of tact and taste in her comments to you. But I will say I just adore braided buns, and particularly rope braids! They make some of the prettiest buns I've ever seen. With all the celebs sporting long hair these days, and the very frequent photos of them in buns and other updos, I'm really surprised anyone would think that such styles are old-fashioned. Short of the Gibson girl style which is dated to be sure (still pretty though), long hair has so many styling options that it is anything BUT old-fashioned! The shorter cuts are the ones with few options.

InTheCity
June 21st, 2011, 06:26 PM
My mom has been telling me to cut off my long hair since it got past APL because it's so thin and scraggly. Gee, thanks mom, I wish I had thick thick hair like yours but I don't.

I finally listened recently after a huge shed left me looking more scraggly than usual and my punishment? Darn stylist cut layers to chin and neck length. So much for the layered APL hair I wanted. (Oh why, oh why didn't I spend an hour reading the forum before the cut?)

Bottom line: do what YOU want to do. Don't listen to them and live to regret it.

skara_brae
June 21st, 2011, 06:54 PM
She says "old-fashioned," I say elegant, classic, and beautiful

Seconded. I think a Flexi8 is going to be the first hairtoy I actually purchase. I particularly love the ones with the dangly beaded tassles.


Yes - mothers who have unwanted advice - they tell you that it's their "job" to tell you because if they (as family) don't, noone else will. I so hear you...

This is the worst excuse to criticize someone. (And that is what it is -- an excuse, because I think deep down somewhere they know what they're doing is not healthy for them or you.)

Now, I have a mom with boundary issues, yes. But she only ever made any comment about my personal appearance ONCE. It was about my weight, and I chewed her out royally for it. Never happened again. Similarly, my mother-in-law decided to make a "helpful" suggestion about what she assumed was my diet once...I very nicely told her to mind her own business. Hasn't tried to be passive aggressive or snarky with me since.

It always amazes me how free people feel to comment on others' bodies, usually when they don't know half of the information they'd need to make an informed decision, and often when there's nothing the recipient of the "advice" can really do about it (short of plastic surgery). I used to think this was an objectification of women thing, but then I saw it happening to guys too. So then I thought it was a "moms and their kids" thing, but then I saw the same people doing it everyone they meet. I think it's probably just a self-perpetuating cycle: someone has bad self esteem, so they pick at others, who in turn develop bad self-esteem, and pick at others...

agoddess2die4
June 21st, 2011, 08:50 PM
Geez, I still get so baffled when I see parents that try to control their adult children's habits. My friends and I are in our mid-20s and a couple of them still live with parents and they still control them like in high school. Living on my own and paying for my own place makes me side with the parents on the whole "you can't stay out all night and come stumbling in at 3am" thing and such because it is disruptive and rude (and when you're drunk and think you're being quiet, you really, really aren't), but they also tell one of my friends what is and isn't appropriate to wear and that they don't approve of that hair color (red), and they don't like this or that boyfriend so they try to set more rules to prevent seeing him...this all for a woman who's turning 26 this year!

Granted my dad does try to control my career, but it doesn't work because I'm an adult now and make my decisions despite what he says because I have to be the one living my life. He wanted me to follow in either his accounting footsteps or IT footstep (yeah, he does both), but take it further and either be a CPA or a programmer. You can imagine his disappointment when I chose to get an English degree. :D He did piss me off royally the summer I decided on English (with an already decent resume and an Associate's in Business Administration) and whenever someone would ask what I'm planning on doing with it he'd quickly interject (often bitterly) that I'd "just end up being a teacher", which pissed me off on many levels. One: You can do more than teach with an English degree, especially with a background in Business, two: you can't "end up" being a teacher in the state of Virginia, you need a Master's in teaching, and, three: a friend of mine is an English teacher started at $42,000 nearby, which was only $10K less than what my dad makes and my friend is in his 20s and has nowhere to go but up. Sorry, long rant.

As for my hair....no one really tries to control that. My mom always let me do whatever I wanted with it, as long as I didn't dye it too unnatural of a color (I could get away with bright, bright red, but no blues or greens, etc). I think because she was so strictly raised, she wanted to give me the freedom to do whatever made me happy so I would regret as little as possible. Granted there's regrets such as bad colorings for my skin, chopping off over a foot of hair because so-and-so's hair was cute and I wanted it, and a perm, but no worries about what could've been. She is unabashedly honest when it looks bad though, but she's unabashedly honest about EVERYTHING. It's both refreshing and irritating at times. The last time I saw her she informed me that my hair was the frizziest she'd seen it in a long time and that my grays are getting more noticeable. Thanks mom. lol.

agoddess2die4
June 21st, 2011, 09:01 PM
It surprises me how cruel some people can be. Having long hair is like being the skinny girl. Somehow people think it's okay to pick on you for those things, whilst if you would call them out on that asymmetric bob / their chubbiness, all hell breaks loose. It's hypocritical. No-one likes negative comments on their physical attributes.

I had this problem for sooo long! I was always incredibly skinny, I don't know why but I just was; 5'4" and didn't hit 100 pounds til I was 18. It made me so insecure that I became a bit of a binge eater just to try to gain weight. And so many girls thought it was ok to tease me mercilessly or where convinced I was bulimic or anorexic in middle school and high school. Some of my friends would even get a little mean about it because they were jealous or bitter or whatever that they weren't skinny too. What's funny is I wear a between a 5 and 7 now, which isn't large by any means but is no longer scrawny, and most of these same girls still criticize me for being "too skinny". But I'm finally at a weight I feel is healthy looking so screw all of them and their cattiness.

ETA: I just remembered when I was 18 and my mom drove me to Urgent Care because she thought I might have appendictis, and a doctor, who wasn't on my case or even in the room with me (just saw me through the open door), went to my mom in the waiting room and informed her that she needed to make me eat more because I was underweight and he didn't feel I was healthy weight. If he'd been in the exam though he'd have found out I was perfectly healthy (except for the horrible pain in my side), just skinny. Invasion of privacy much? Especially since I was an adult. 100 pounds isn't that drastic for a young adult... Luckily she chewed him out royally for it.


Or being short... for some reason people think it's FINE to tease me for my height, and yet if I was morbidly obese, or had an enormous nose or something, they wouldn't say a word! What is WITH that?? It drives me nuts (not to mention it's picking on the ONE THING I am sooo sensitive and insecure about).

I just don't get teasing girls about being short. I understand why they might for guys (though I don't agree with it at all) since guys are usually taller, but I think it's incredibly charming to be a short woman. My mom is 5'0" and I remember bypassing her height when I was 11 or 12 and being so sad because I thought she was beautiful and I wanted to be all tiny and feminine like her.

deko
June 23rd, 2011, 04:03 PM
Yor hair is so lovely!
Don't let anyone tell you other.

monsterna
July 2nd, 2011, 09:31 PM
Kind of pissed off right now. :( Just went to mom's with DH to have dinner with her and the step-dad. A few days ago she was asking about monistat since I used to use it for growth, so I showed her my 6 month progress pic. She thought it was a big difference and is now interested in trying it.

Little background: after years of using the curling iron every day, HAIRSPRAYING it while the hair is inside the curling iron so you can hear it sizzle!, and then combing it out angrily and using more hairspray, she doesn't have too much hair left to do much with. Age may play a role as well, but she was also a dye and sometimes bleach hound, so yeah. Needless to say, not much to work with, so she wears nice wigs now.

Anyway, I get there tonight and I had not done much with my hair. I washed before I went so it was just in a headband drying, I didn't get to comb it after it dried, only before, and I had a leave in. She was complaining that my hair looked stringy and that I needed to trim the ends. The thing is, my hair will look like that if I don't comb it out after it dries, and then oil it. I was only halfway done with a routine because I wanted to get to her house on time. Furthermore, I have LAYERS, which make the bottom look thinner anyway because, well, IT IS. That's kind of what layers do, otherwise they wouldn't be there! At least DH stood up for me. I don't say anything to her to hurt her feelings like "well why take your hair advice, you wear wigs now due to your own choices."

I'm just really angry now. We helped clean up after dinner and then left and didn't stay any longer, because it annoyed me. She knows I'm growing it out and changing things drastically with my hair, yet that's all she could say. :( Bleh.

paintedhorse
August 22nd, 2011, 09:27 AM
uhg im sorry you mom is not supportive of you, sometimes you have to be firm and tell them that they piss you off and that your hair style is not up for discussion!