Vanity and long hair rant.

[Venefica]

There is one thing that infuriate me. I am a member of a BDSM forum named Collarme.com. Now in one thread a girl who is trying to grow long hair but who have fine hair which is easy to damage was asking for advice. She where wearing a collar 24/7 and her hair got caught in the buckle damaging it, she was asking how to hair proof heir collar or collar proof her hair.

Now people immediately started calling her vain, and I have seen this other places as well. It is okey to use a crapton of money on makeup, of obsess over one's weight, to buy fashion clothes, to spend hours fixing short hair into a nice hairdo or go to the gym not for health but to tone one's body and so on, all that is fine, but if one want to grow long hair and want to keep it out of harm's way then one is vain.

Sure taking care of long hair take some work, for some more than for others, but it takes allot of time to take care of short hair to. Anything you do for your appearance can be called vanity, but the fact is that almost all animals groom why should not humans do so to? We are judged on our appearance so why not take care of it. Growing and tending and babying long hair is no more vain then making sure one's clothes go well with one's colors or applying lotions to one's hands so they will be soft and delicate.

Another thing that annoyed me was that people said her hair was dirty because she only watched in once every 5 day, that is ********. Hair do not need to be washed every day, and in fact it should not be washed every day, and in fact neither should skin. Many people shower two or three times a day and that is not healthy, it dies out the skin, there is no need to shower every day unless you have become very sweaty or dirty, you can fine let it go two or three days between showers and only wash with a cloth where you sweat allot to remove smell, hair can go even longer between washings, once or twice a week is enough and then the hair is NOT dirty.

There is so many misconceptions about long hair and it pisses me off. It seams that people just can not accept that some of us want longer hair than what the current fashion dictates. I however celebrates every inch I manage to grow, at least for now, and I think long hair is amazing, and it is not more vain than anything else one do for one's appearance, and besides some grow out long hair for other reasons than their appearance, like Spiritual reasons or to get closer to female or male traditions through the ages.

[Bene]

:laugh:

...............................

[Bonkers57]

Wish I could "like" your post (as I can click "like" in facebook!) Guess the thumbs up icon will have to do.


There is one thing that infuriate me. I am a member of a BDSM forum named Collarme.com. Now in one thread a girl who is trying to grow long hair but who have fine hair which is easy to damage was asking for advice. She where wearing a collar 24/7 and her hair got caught in the buckle damaging it, she was asking how to hair proof heir collar or collar proof her hair.

Now people immediately started calling her vain, and I have seen this other places as well. It is okey to use a crapton of money on makeup, of obsess over one's weight, to buy fashion clothes, to spend hours fixing short hair into a nice hairdo or go to the gym not for health but to tone one's body and so on, all that is fine, but if one want to grow long hair and want to keep it out of harm's way then one is vain.

Sure taking care of long hair take some work, for some more than for others, but it takes allot of time to take care of short hair to. Anything you do for your appearance can be called vanity, but the fact is that almost all animals groom why should not humans do so to? We are judged on our appearance so why not take care of it. Growing and tending and babying long hair is no more vain then making sure one's clothes go well with one's colors or applying lotions to one's hands so they will be soft and delicate.

Another thing that annoyed me was that people said her hair was dirty because she only watched in once every 5 day, that is ********. Hair do not need to be washed every day, and in fact it should not be washed every day, and in fact neither should skin. Many people shower two or three times a day and that is not healthy, it dies out the skin, there is no need to shower every day unless you have become very sweaty or dirty, you can fine let it go two or three days between showers and only wash with a cloth where you sweat allot to remove smell, hair can go even longer between washings, once or twice a week is enough and then the hair is NOT dirty.

There is so many misconceptions about long hair and it pisses me off. It seams that people just can not accept that some of us want longer hair than what the current fashion dictates. I however celebrates every inch I manage to grow, at least for now, and I think long hair is amazing, and it is not more vain than anything else one do for one's appearance, and besides some grow out long hair for other reasons than their appearance, like Spiritual reasons or to get closer to female or male traditions through the ages.

[jujube]

Hopefully you directed her here, where she won't feel judged? :)

[owlathena]

I've also noticed that hair is associated with vanity more than other physical things. I know several guys who work out two or more times a day and they're not doing it to be healthy, but just to get big muscles (We've talked about it.). Nobody seems to consider them vain, but if someone catches me fussing with my hair in a window they call me vain.

You should direct that girl to lhc!

[spidermom]

Weird. (<~too short)

[HereIGrowAgain]

I think you should tell them there what you told us here.

And invite her to come on over to LHC! :D

[pepperminttea]

Haters gonna hate. :p

Send her a link to here! :D

[Mesmerise]

I've also noticed that hair is associated with vanity more than other physical things. I know several guys who work out two or more times a day and they're not doing it to be healthy, but just to get big muscles (We've talked about it.). Nobody seems to consider them vain, but if someone catches me fussing with my hair in a window they call me vain.

You should direct that girl to lhc!

Yeah, what is with that? It's like the movement of people who ask long hairs if they're gonna donate their hair. I mean, people can spend literally 2 hours a day primping and preening themselves and that's okay... but god forbid someone grow LONG HAIR if it's just because they like it rather than for altruistic reasons.

I mean... in general in this society there seems to be a HUGE demand for beauty products and weight loss stuff and whatever, because people want to look good... I mean... the industry is massive. And yet it's long hair that gets people's goat and is called vanity?!

[punzelda]

I hope her collarer leapt to her defense and indicated that her hair was her or his concern, as well.

Sounds like a lot of envious (and hypocritical) people, to me. A stark contrast to this forum; everyone I've encountered so far here on LHC is incredibly nice, helpful, and non-judgemental.

[vanillabones]

It's true. People don't like their skin getting dry but you're supposed to not care about dry or damaged hair? Oh okay.

[kwaniesiam]

:shrug: Haters gonna hate. Direct her here, there are many longhairs with babyfine hair that have been told they'll never grow it long and even if they did it wouldn't look nice.

I don't think vanity is a bad thing. To me, it shows you care about your appearance and want to put effort in to it. I feel better when I look better, I'll do my makeup, wear a nice outfit, and fix my hair up even if I'm just going out shopping or to grab food somewhere. Nothing wrong with that at all.

[Firefly]

..........:run:

[Venefica]

Hopefully you directed her here, where she won't feel judged? :)

I did invite her here, whatever or not she joined or not I do not know, but I did tell her about the forum and said this was a great place to learn how to tend long hair, and get support in growing it.


Wish I could "like" your post (as I can click "like" in facebook!) Guess the thumbs up icon will have to do.

Thank you I am glad you liked my rant. :)


Yeah, what is with that? It's like the movement of people who ask long hairs if they're gonna donate their hair. I mean, people can spend literally 2 hours a day primping and preening themselves and that's okay... but god forbid someone grow LONG HAIR if it's just because they like it rather than for altruistic reasons.


I have not been asked this, but I have been asked countless times why I have so long hair, and do it not take oh so long to keep. No I say it do not. Daily it takes a few minutes brushing it out which I do while watching TV so it takes no extra time, and then it takes a few minutes to braid it or put it into a bun. I used more time each day trying to get short hair to look neat when I had shot hair, and besides what if it took allot of time, it is my time and I will do with it as I please. I get enjoyment from having long hair so I choose to spend time on keeping it in good condition and nurturing it, a friend of mine like long nails so she chooses to prim and prim her nails, it is our choice. Would it be better if we spent our time watching TV or reading magazines or any other activity?

[Scarlet_Heart]

Yea, I notice that as well. I am not a very self-assured person. I often feel insecure about my looks/weight/etc. But if I'm being honest with myself, and I try to be, I have to admit to being vain about my hair. :queen:

And so what? Does that make me a bad person?

[wavykisses]

Maybe they were secretly jealous and said that out of envy.
I don't know why people make that kind of comments, we all like to take
care of ourselves or buy pretty items or decorate our home,
why not do that with our hair.

[racrane]

I have noticed this as well. My own mother thinks I'm vain because I'm growing my hair back out. And yet she doesn't mind that I"m trying to lose weight - she supports that. I'm shaking my head as I type - society is sure weird!

[Cimorene]

The way I see it, taking care of my hair, wearing makeup (when I want), dressing as neatly as I can - all the things that people could accuse me of being vain about - help make me a more beautiful person (both in and out - if I feel prettier, I act more confidently). By beautifying myself, I am doing my small part to help make the world a more beautiful place. :flower:

[Venefica]

Well form your picture your hair at least, as that is all I can see of you from your picture, do make the world a more beautiful place, you have pretty hair.

[lacefrost]

Haters gonna hate. And it's important that you have haters, cause it's shows you that you're doing something right. I think people are just jealous of long hair. So many people abuse their hair and want desperately for it to grow but don't know how, and so when they see people with gorgeous long hair there's lots of jealousy. And jealousy is ugly.

[Arya]

Can anyone think of a way to collar proof her long hair or long hair proof her collar? That might be most helpful for her. What if she put her hair in updos? Or wrapped her collar in satin? that should help, and it's got a sexy texture to it.

[Panth]

Can anyone think of a way to collar proof her long hair or long hair proof her collar? That might be most helpful for her. What if she put her hair in updos? Or wrapped her collar in satin? that should help, and it's got a sexy texture to it.


I would think updos would be the most effective option. You can do what you want to a collar (or necklace, or anything that goes around the neck), the major issue (IMO) is that the hair can get underneath it and around it and get rubbed that way.

Directing her to all the updo options that are in the articles here, on youtube, at dreamweaver braiding, etc. would be a good start. If she's only just got collar-length hair double french plaits might be an option, depending on the shape of cut she is growing out. Another option would be to simply gather a nape ponytail out of everything that is long enough to be gathered, give it a twist and pin it up using a tiny barrette or one of the smallest flexis. That should protect it enough so that it can grow long enough to go into other updo options.

[WaitingSoLong]

I have two things to say.

1. Every forum I have ever been to except LHC has haters. Maybe they are here, too, but I have never felt hated on LHC. This is the only forum I belong to now.

2. This thread makes me glad I stay home and supports my being introverted (IMO). I have never gotten negative feedback for long hair but then I am NOT social and don't have to interract with people really. I don't get why people are that shallow. I would never criticize anyone's personal fashion choices. I mean, fashion is sort of optional, I wouldn't want people criticizing my choices, it is the whole "do unto others" thing I just don't see why it is so hard to BACK OFF and not expect everyone to have the same opinions as they do. I mean, who wants a look-alike robot world? But then most people speak WAY before they think, if thinking is even in the equation.

3. Ok I will add a third thing. I have noticed that "haters" tend to be hateful when their own choices are coming into judgment. I think people who are insecure about their own hair/weight/job/pick-a-topic tend to criticize others to make themselves feel better. Perhaps not consciously, but still. I get a lot of deroggatory comments about my weight from heavier people. And I mean a LOT. I have a nice muffin-top going on, too I just wear baggy shirts to cover it. I have noticed that when people perceive something as ideal or perfect, they tend to pick it apart. Like when people assume I dye my hair blonde and try to make me confess to dying my hair when I don't. Then I highlighted it, so now I cannot claim totally natural anymore. SIGH. And if someone's hair has lovely spirals, they MUST be fake. Just like nice perky big breasts must also be implants, etc.

Ultimately it is all about making themselves feel better. They don't see it as hypocritical regardless of how blatantly hypocritical it is because to them it is "apples and oranges". We need a "talk to the hand" smiley.

I tend to immediately classify people who make hater comments into the insecure and shallow category. Does that make me shallow and insecure? lol

[mrs_coffee]

Ditto to everything WaitingSoLong said. I hope she joins the forum and gets some helpful ideas.

[JuliaDancer]

:shrug: Haters gonna hate. Direct her here, there are many longhairs with babyfine hair that have been told they'll never grow it long and even if they did it wouldn't look nice.

I don't think vanity is a bad thing. To me, it shows you care about your appearance and want to put effort in to it. I feel better when I look better, I'll do my makeup, wear a nice outfit, and fix my hair up even if I'm just going out shopping or to grab food somewhere. Nothing wrong with that at all.

I completely agree! I often dress up more than other people would for regular activities, not to impress anyone, but because it makes me feel good. Instead of shorts and a tank to go to the store, I'll wear a day dress (btw, I love dresses - so much easier not having to match anything!). I do pretty updos and decorate with a flower or ribbon or something. I surround myself with positive people, and have gotten many compliments for my hair, but I don't know what strangers might be thinking, and I really don't care.

I hope she does come to LHC, and I agree that updos are probably the best way to protect her hair.

[Cimorene]

Well form your picture your hair at least, as that is all I can see of you from your picture, do make the world a more beautiful place, you have pretty hair.

Aww...thank you! :o

[Ashenputtel]

Oh god, according to those people I must be the vanity queen.

I Have 25 lipgloss, over 30 eye shadows, about ten blushes, 3 liquid foundations, 2 powder ones, three bronzers...I like to hydrate my skin, I shape my eyebrows and I want my hair LONG.That doesn't mean I can't leave the house with my hair a bit dirty and with no makeup! (and I'm really not into BDSM go figure)

Most people like to look good all the time and at their "best" at least once a month.

I have fine hair too, I need to cut at least half an inch every three months till the dye grows back. She shouldn't listen to them. Some people just need to trim hair more frequently, but can still achieve amazing lenght at our own rythm!

[Chetanlaiho]

In some ways I definitely consider myself vain, I like spending time on my hair, clothes, sometimes make-up etc. But I only wear make-up a few times a month, if I'm not going anywhere I ussually don't 'dress up' more than what's-closest-to-my-bed-at-the-time and I go out with greasier hair than most would dare because I don't wanna wash it yet xD (stretching washes, it's hard xD). And yes, I have and love long hair :) I don't consider any of this bad (otherwise I wouldn't be doing it ;))

And yet my boyfriend spends more time in front of the mirror to fix his hair than I do xD

[moonlight]

What about a hair glove?

https://hairglove.com/catalog/hair-gloves

[HereIGrowAgain]

To the how to protect her hair from the collar question... Perhaps she can make a tube of satin that she can slip over the entire collar, with the two ends coming together somewhere not near the buckle? Even if she ties her hair up, there will be little whispies that come free.

I assume she doesn't truly 24/7, but perhaps more like 23/7 (to give time for bathing)? She could make several covers and then be able to match her mood/outfit/whatever.

[McFearless]

Send her a personal message with the LHC link :)

What I do is keep my hair goals to myself, and this forum. In real life people are always telling me that the only reason to grow is to donate. Most people are stupid. *shrugs*

[Lilli]

I hope her collarer leapt to her defense and indicated that her hair was her or his concern, as well.

Sounds like a lot of envious (and hypocritical) people, to me. A stark contrast to this forum; everyone I've encountered so far here on LHC is incredibly nice, helpful, and non-judgemental.

I like coming here b/c it is safe and non-controversial. Pretty hard to get upset at people in cyberspace when we are just talking about shampoo and oil and such. Love it!

[HairFaerie]

I have noticed this as well. My own mother thinks I'm vain because I'm growing my hair back out. And yet she doesn't mind that I"m trying to lose weight - she supports that. I'm shaking my head as I type - society is sure weird!

Hijack - OMG! For some reason when I read this, my brain flipped these two words and I read it as "I'm growing my back hair out"! Hahahahahaha! What a visual! :scared:

[ratgirldjh]

OK once years ago I was a mistress.

I had one slave who I kept collared 24/7 and I was in charge of his hair and skin. I bathed him, clothed him, etc.

How we solved this issue (he had mid back length curly hair) was that I would bind up his hair in a leather lace up pony tail holder.

But who knows? Perhaps her Mistress/Master wants her hair down 24/7???

The only thing I can think of is to perhaps ask for a different collar or permission to wear the hair up when it is not needed to have it down.

[Guenhwyvar]

My DBF hates me wearing make up and obsessing over clothes (though when he told me I would be too cold if I wore a dress on a night out and that I looked beautiful in whatever - I did throw a fit, and now he is much more understanding about clothes and why females want to wear nice clothes). Still he doesnt mind me playing with my hair and growing it long. He always comments and told me to wear updos more (when I always had it down). Odd that he's so against make-up and likes me in a dress but is not too interested in my clothes (especially when he sees the bill xD), but likes my hair.

My skin is happier for not wearing make-up and my hair is better for the attention :)

He also hates the idea of me trying to lose weight.. etc

[rogue_psyche]

I love how they were all, "You're somehow both vain AND dirty at the same time" to that poster. You'd think they'd be more supportive of alternative lifestyles...

[Mesmerise]

I find the whole long hair = vain thing... just bizarre. I mean, a person can spend 90 minutes in the gym each day sculpting a perfect body, they can spend 1 hour or more each day fixing their hair and makeup...and that's perfectly okay. But god forbid someone would GROW THEIR HAIR even though they may spend exactly 15 minutes a day on personal grooming?! I don't get it... How is having long hair any more vain than anything anyone else does for their appearance? I mean, for the most part, growing hair is a lot more passive!

That being said, I have nothing against people who take time to do their hair and makeup or go to the gym or whatever. Most of us are at least a wee bit vain about our appearance, and that's okay. It's just the assumption that growing hair is somehow more vain than other behaviours which generally involve a lot more time and effort is very strange to me!

[Audrey Horne]

I don't think being vain is something terrible. Just because I'm vain doesn't mean I'm shallow. People think otherwise and then you almost have to prove that you have feelings and respectable IQ level. A wish to grow healthy long hair isn't that vain after all. Getting fake tan, going to gym only to gain muscles, buying/using make-up, shaving, etc. List goes on and it's all vain. So why exactly hair is an issue here?! I suppose it's just jealousy and a wish to spread negativity (some get a kick from writing negative posts).

[AnnaJamila]

I read the thread title and thought, man I am SOOOOOOOOOO vain, but then I realized while reading this that the only reason I consider myself vain is because of my desire to grow my hair . . .

Brainwashed by society, much? lol

[Bonkers57]

He's a keeper! My husband's the same way - it doesn't matter to him one way or the other about makeup or clothes. I know however, that at my age I look better with a light coat of paint! :laugh: When I was 19 it didn't matter. Still, I often go around without it and feel okay.


My DBF hates me wearing make up and obsessing over clothes (though when he told me I would be too cold if I wore a dress on a night out and that I looked beautiful in whatever - I did throw a fit, and now he is much more understanding about clothes and why females want to wear nice clothes). Still he doesnt mind me playing with my hair and growing it long. He always comments and told me to wear updos more (when I always had it down). Odd that he's so against make-up and likes me in a dress but is not too interested in my clothes (especially when he sees the bill xD), but likes my hair.

My skin is happier for not wearing make-up and my hair is better for the attention :)

He also hates the idea of me trying to lose weight.. etc

[Scarlet_Heart]

I don't think being vain is something terrible. Just because I'm vain doesn't mean I'm shallow. People think otherwise and then you almost have to prove that you have feelings and respectable IQ level. A wish to grow healthy long hair isn't that vain after all. Getting fake tan, going to gym only to gain muscles, buying/using make-up, shaving, etc. List goes on and it's all vain. So why exactly hair is an issue here?! I suppose it's just jealousy and a wish to spread negativity (some get a kick from writing negative posts).

Thank you so much for posting this. Life is too short to be overly humble. I know that's a strange thing to say. But I have had problems with self esteem since I was a child because my mother used to beat me down (physically and verbally). I have really come into my own as an adult and I just can't justify apologizing for that. Women in particular are never supposed to acknowledge the fact that they might actually be beautiful. So if someone wants to call me vain for growing my hair long or wearing make-up or being feminine at all... well, that's on them, not me.

[PraiseCheeses]

I'm with Audrey Horne. Vanity is natural and healthy; it shows that we value ourselves and care about our value to others. In fact, one of the first signs of serious depression is when a person no longer cares about how they look. Animals show the same thing - when I got my cats from the shelter they were depressed and scared, and hadn't been grooming themselves and they were both greasy, dandruffy messes. A few years later, one of the first signs I had that one was sick was her return to greasiness and lack of grooming. (She's better now and her fur is back to its beautiful self. :))

Vanity comes in all styles and images; the person who carefully tears their clothing and styles their hair to look like a greasy mess is vain in the same way as the flatironed bleach-blonde spraytanned girl in the designer clothing is vain. It's a deliberately crafted appearance that takes some sort of planning and effort.

Vanity doesn't become a problem until we start to value our appearance or others' appearances over character. Only then does it become a matter of superficiality.

I love the idea of a silk or satin covering for the collar. Isn't the collar's purpose primarily symbolic anyway? Hopefully her collarer is understanding and caring enough to allow some minor modifications.

[WaitingSoLong]

Ok I want to post that I have never heard of collaring (is that a word?) and as I visited the aforementioned website I was...surprised...I just didn't know that whole world existed. LOL!

About vanity...I am now singing that song in my head after reading the word "vain" and its variations so many times in this thread..."you're so vain, I bet you think this song is about you, don't you, don't you" which never made sense to me because the song WAS about them. Of course I have the remake version in my head, I am not old enough for the original. If I thought really hard, I could tell you who sang it (I'm gonna say late 80's, early 90's).

On a more serious note, I have come to think that a lot of long-hair negativity is a deep rooted jealousy of the inability to stick with something for so long. AKA Commitment (not relational now, just physical). Think of all the new make-ups, the new diet programs, the yo-yo weight thing, new clothes, earrings, hairstyles....few can seem to stick with something for more than a few days, or weeks at best it seems. Don't get me wrong, change and "spicing up life" is good, IMO. We wouldn't want to turn into robots. Yet I cannot help but wonder if the long hair negativity is because the person giving off the negativity knows they have never committed to any one physical thing that long. I only mention it because one of the reasons I value my hair as a positive feature on me is that I have had the commitment to grow it this long. But the older I get, the more constant I become. I do hope I do not become one of those old people who are so resistant to change I wear Old People Clothes and sport out-of-date make-up trends. It seems so inevitable. SO wait, maybe commitment in this area IS bad. Gee, this should have been posted in the Random Thought thread.

[Audrey Horne]

Scarlet Heart, you're welcome! I'm with you and PraiseCheeses on this.
Vanity is a sin, isn't it? I'm not a particulary religious person so I don't follow... From my point of view as long as a person isn't shallow and doesn't expect others to be perfect... Then there shouldn't be a problem at all. And again it isn't just about hair... I've had negative "attacks" towards me in the past and I still get it from time to time. I think yes, it IS about commitment as WaitingSoLong has said. And it takes a lot of effort to commit.

I had often "so why do you need sports? You look all right", "why again a diet? You don't need to lose weight", "why to grow hair? Yours won't grow that long!" and so on. As if I'm not overweight then I don't need sports, eat healthy food and watch my weight. I actually commit myself to a healthier lifestyle and sometimes it isn't easy. Hair is a topic too. As soon as I started to grow it I got "cut back to pixie! I hope you'll have a pixie again! You looked so good with it!" (when people are said that I grow my hair back) and just negativity in general. Guess what, when I had pixie I didn't get those compliments from strangers! It was "if you had long hair..." thing. The truth is you're never liked by everyone, and there's no need to be. People say "be modest (=be a victim) and stop thinking only about looks". Who said that's what I think about? Do they know? No. The conclusion: don't talk about looks even if you're asked about it because you'll be perceived negatively. It's ridiculous but sort of true. I just really hate being told by strangers what I must do with myself and my life.

[RitaPG]

Considering BDSM is very visual, and acessories are a big part of it, it seems rather unfair how some people are quickly judging such personal options. A little vanity can be healthy, it means we care to look and feel good with ourselves.
I hope she gorws it long and all the envious people eat their hearts out :p

[leslissocool]

:rolleyes: They are just jealous really. Long hair is so not vain, really. My hair is long and I wear no make up keep it up and wear black gowns and t-shirts and jeans. Me? Vain? :spitting: I like roll out of bed an put on the first thing I find in the floor that doesn't smell!!! (and if I am too lazy sometimes it does smell Bahahaha)