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Kristamommyx3
May 23rd, 2011, 08:21 AM
About my hair. :(. I tried to share my enthusiasm for my long hair goal, and he thought I was being silly. He said that he won't consider me any more or less interesting or pretty with " four more inches of hair hanging down my back". I said that many men would find my commitment to long healthy hair attractive, and he said he's just not into hair. We have a great marriage, and he tells me I'm beautiful, but my hair just does not impress him. I have to admit, it's a little depressing, because he doesn't even realize how unusual it is to have baby fine hair like mine be healthy and at waist! *sniffle*

KittyLost
May 23rd, 2011, 08:30 AM
AS long as you're happy that's all the counts :)

Cupofmilk
May 23rd, 2011, 08:31 AM
I think some men are just happy with women the way we are - they are not too fussed with our hairstyles and clothes and value women for who they are - that is pretty cool.
My husband cut my hair - I was ready for a bob - I handed him the scissors and demanded that he cut my hair off - he cut 12-18 inches to BSL. That's interesting as I thought he would cut it very short. He does like my hair now it is hip length. But he's not really that interested.

Fairlight63
May 23rd, 2011, 08:36 AM
Well, you can come here & we will give you some support :)

Looked at your album & your hair is VERY beautiful!

My husband also doesn't say anything about my hair - any more. He used to tell me to get it cut to about chin length - I guess that he would like the "helmet" do - but that isn't going to happen. I like my hair long & that is what matters.

elbow chic
May 23rd, 2011, 08:36 AM
lol! Mine's not into hair, either. I like that about him: sometimes I read about men who are a little TOO into long hair and I'm like, 'hm, what happens if your beloved loses her hair or gets sick of it or when someone else comes along with longer/prettier hair?'

I had it cut up around my ears when we were seeing each other and for the first couple years of our marriage. Over the last five years it's gotten slowly longer, and he really doesn't care one way or the other. He started to take note when it hit around APL: "wow, your hair is getting long!"

"Do you like it?"

"Sure. Whatever makes you happy."

It's my pet obsession, not his. ;)

metricfuture
May 23rd, 2011, 08:39 AM
I know how disappointing it can be for a partner to be dismissive of any goal, especially one that you'd assume they'd be supportive of. Ultimately, however, you're doing this for you, right? I think you'll get enough of a sense of accomplishment on your own, and maybe he'll come around after he sees what a dramatic difference "an extra four inches of hair" can actually be. He may just not be able to visualize it (I know that plenty of non-LHCers have a really hard time picturing anything between BSL and Crystal Gayle, at least in my crowd :)).

Garnet66
May 23rd, 2011, 08:40 AM
My husband isn't into hair either. Sometimes I wish he was. I can't complain though since he doesn't roll his eyes when I ask for a measurment or a picture. I agree with Cupofmilk that some men are just happy with us the way we are.

WaitingSoLong
May 23rd, 2011, 08:41 AM
My husband couldn't care less really either. However, when I told him I had this urge to shave it all off last year he told me he has grown fond of my long hair and could not see me without it. Now he helps me measure and tells me when he has long hair sightings! It took a couple years but I finally got him into my hair world. LOL

Tiina
May 23rd, 2011, 08:49 AM
Men tend to look at the big picture not the details when it comes to a woman's looks. Hair is a detail. :p Probably to him 4 inches seems like a small change so he doesn't have a big reaction to it. He finds you beautiful and that matters far more.

vintage88
May 23rd, 2011, 08:50 AM
my boyfriend is very loving and says he loves me no matter how my hair looks. I adore him for this and love him very much. However he has absolutely no faith in me when it comes to growing my hair! He thinks I will get fed up of waiting for it to grow and end up cutting it, but this just makes me more determined to prove him wrong!! :D

Lilli
May 23rd, 2011, 08:50 AM
Mine sort of listens when I talk about routines, products, styles, but I know he is not really paying attention. He also will measure it and photo it for me. He has said that I am not allowed to cut it again now that it is almost APL. I count this as all positive, and know that *this* is the place to talk in detail!

Lildove
May 23rd, 2011, 09:00 AM
Seems to me that the majority of men are happy with whatever makes us happy. Even if they have their own preferences they tend to let us do as we please.

With that said, my husband has no idea that my hair growth goal is hip or tailbone and I am a little afraid to tell him since I'm unsure of what his reaction is going to be. Either he will love it, be indifferent, or hate it which is what I fear the most. I can handle him being indifferent because than I know that every time he sees my hair down he won't be grossed out by it like he would if he hated it. Hopefully he will be happy with whatever makes me happy.

AmericanWoman
May 23rd, 2011, 09:04 AM
Cheer up. Basicly he said he loves you for you, not your hair. As long as he's a loving husband, that's what matters. And remember, men are from mars, women are from venus.

Bene
May 23rd, 2011, 09:09 AM
You told him "that many men would find my commitment to long healthy hair attractive". Think about that. Many men just don't care. Your husband is not inconsiderate or inattentive. It doesn't mean that he hates it. He just doesn't care. Apathy isn't necessarily a negative thing.


I couldn't imagine concerning myself in any way about whether or not my b/f is enthusiastic about long hair. Actually he isn't. If I'm happily content with looking at hairtoys online or shushing him when a commercial for conditioner comes on, then he's happy that I'm happy. It's a HOBBY. He's in a relationship with me, not my hobbies or personal interests or activities. I suppose that if my b/f got all hyped up about something, and then decided he wanted me to be even the least bit interested, and then got upset that I didn't, I'd probably tell him to go f**k himself.

I read the first original post to my b/f and he just sucked his teeth and said "I thought you did the hair thing for yourself and not for your man? And he's saying the right thing, 'I'm not going to love you any more or less regardless of what your hair looks like' What more does she want?"

HintOfMint
May 23rd, 2011, 09:11 AM
Lucky you. I mean that sincerely. Who wants a dude who sweats the small stuff about their significant other's looks? Speaking as someone who has had a boyfriend who has asked her to wear makeup more often and grow out her hair, such ambivalence would be bliss.

Rocket22
May 23rd, 2011, 09:15 AM
I know how you feel.. but you have to look at it as this is YOUR passion not his and that is fine. I'm sure if he started talking about car parts or whatever (you get the idea) you would be like that's nice hon. :) my BF could care less too, he loves me not my hair and that is good

Sunshineliz
May 23rd, 2011, 09:23 AM
DH just tells me to do whatever I want with my hair, but I know he gets a little frustrated with the hair obsession. (Especially lately when I've been trying to figure out the waviness. After I asked him for the nth time if my hair looked ok while it was airdrying, he's like "yes, what more can I say?!":D)

However, I know that he likes it better longer. He loves me regardless, but he prefers it long. I cut it to barely shoulder from nearly waist in January and he looked at me like a deer caught in the headlights and then smiled and said it looked great.:rolleyes: Finally cornered him the other day to get a REAL opinion out of him and yes, he likes it longer. Probably because it was waist when we first met. :)

It's hard when DH doesn't "get" it. But it's wonderful that he loves you regardless of how you look. I say do what you like, and be glad he loves you irrespective of hair length.

vanillabones
May 23rd, 2011, 09:32 AM
You told him "that many men would find my commitment to long healthy hair attractive". Think about that. Many men just don't care. Your husband is not inconsiderate or inattentive. It doesn't mean that he hates it. He just doesn't care. Apathy isn't necessarily a negative thing.


I couldn't imagine concerning myself in any way about whether or not my b/f is enthusiastic about long hair. Actually he isn't. If I'm happily content with looking at hairtoys online or shushing him when a commercial for conditioner comes on, then he's happy that I'm happy. It's a HOBBY. He's in a relationship with me, not my hobbies or personal interests or activities. I suppose that if my b/f got all hyped up about something, and then decided he wanted me to be even the least bit interested, and then got upset that I didn't, I'd probably tell him to go f**k himself.

I read the first original post to my b/f and he just sucked his teeth and said "I thought you did the hair thing for yourself and not for your man? And he's saying the right thing, 'I'm not going to love you any more or less regardless of what your hair looks like' What more does she want?"


This read a little harsh. I get your point, that it's healthy and good to hair hobbies apart, and you don't have to both like the same things. My bf is a video game finatic and I like obsessing over hair. But some couples and most like sharing similar interests or at least divulging these obsessions to one another without the other person ignoring them or being told to f**k off. Just saying. My bf doesn't love the hair thing but he's not un-interested either. He's happy for me. I don't really care about videogames but I don't ignore when he wants to tell me a story lol. To each their own.

Bene
May 23rd, 2011, 09:35 AM
This read a little harsh. I get your point, that it's healthy and good to hair hobbies apart, and you don't have to both like the same things. My bf is a video game finatic and I like obsessing over hair. But some couples and most like sharing similar interests or at least divulging these obsessions to one another without the other person ignoring them or being told to f**k off. Just saying. My bf doesn't love the hair thing but he's not un-interested either. He's happy for me. I don't really care about videogames but I don't ignore when he wants to tell me a story lol. To each their own.

I said I'd tell him to go f**k himself if he got upset over me not showing the same enthusiasm as he ;)

musicallberrii
May 23rd, 2011, 09:41 AM
While a lot of guys find long hair attractive, they don't really know the work and care that goes into growing natural hair long. Most guys really don't care about hair, makeup, clothes, and other girly things.. its just how guys are. I don't think he was trying to make you feel bad, and it should feel good to hear that he loves you no matter what length your hair is.

My boyfriend is the reason I started growing my hair long to begin with; when we first met my hair was just past chin length. Now I am nearing waist and have decided to stop at tailbone.. he always tells me to grow it longer and that he can't believe how long my hair is and how pretty it is. It is really nice to hear and encouraging, but most guys just aren't this way.. while my ex's complimented me, they wouldn't sit around and listen to me blab about hair care ideas and comb my hair for me. My guy is just like that.. he appreciates that I am a girly girl and enjoy makeup, hair, clothes, etc and always tells me that taking care of myself where I am happy and feel good is as much as a need as anything else. He is the only guy I've ever met that is masculine, strong, and guyish, but will still pick out a hair toy for me that he likes and compliment me on a manicure :)

AndreaPetrea
May 23rd, 2011, 09:44 AM
Well.. My boyfriend thinks that I look "cute" with shorter hair. But he does think that long THICK hair is really beautiful (I found out yesterday when we watched a movie where one of the actresses had long blond, wavy and very thick hair). That's worse, right? :D

annieangel149
May 23rd, 2011, 09:46 AM
He's a MAN!

he's a different species! They see things differently then we do! That doesnt mean he doesnt care!

when i told OH that i was growing my hair he was really pleased! He has always wanted me to have long hair and when i have washed it he always wants to run his hands through it and snuggle in to it smelling it lol! but when im hanging around this forum, asking him to help me post pics and telling him the best products to put in hair he *sighs* and rolls his eyes! :D

selderon
May 23rd, 2011, 09:47 AM
Heh. That's why you have us. We get it.

And, btw, your hair is gorgeous.

HairFaerie
May 23rd, 2011, 09:53 AM
Lucky you. I mean that sincerely. Who wants a dude who sweats the small stuff about their significant other's looks? Speaking as someone who has had a boyfriend who has asked her to wear makeup more often and grow out her hair, such ambivalence would be bliss.

I agree with this!

OP, you are lucky! He loves you no matter what your hair length is!

I was in a marriage where my husband (at the time, I divorced him several years ago) would want me to ALWAYS wear makeup and wanted my hair to be long (it was BSL at the time). My hair was damaged so I got it cut back to a little below shoulder length. I think it looked fabulous because it was soft, silky and healthy. He hated it. He said he preferred long hair and wasn't attracted to short hair. Also, I started wearing very light makeup because my skin was actually very healthy at the time and I felt very comfortable with minimal makeup. Also, I went from about 130 lbs to 150 lbs (I'm 5'7" tall). Between the haircut, the minimal makeup and gaining a tad bit of weight. He would openly say he wasn't attracted to me. Our "intimate" life suffered and about a year later, I filed for a divorce. Strange how a man that was 5'5, weighed 280 lbs and had a receding hairline had put so much emphasis on my physical appearance to the point of divorce never once realized that I loved him for who he was and not how he looked and couldn't return the same. So, after a while, that love goes away because of what he say to me and make me feel insecure. I think he said that stuff really because he was insecure with himself. Bye-bye! I don't need that crap!

Now, my new fiance isn't into my hair but he says he loves me no matter what color, length my hair is. I wear makeup when we go out together but when we are just relaxing at home, I don't wear a stitch of it. He loves me just the same either way! He says he loves me for what's in my head and heart, everything else is just icing on the cake! So, that is a big change from my last marriage! I consider myself very lucky now!

lapushka
May 23rd, 2011, 10:39 AM
About my hair. :(. I tried to share my enthusiasm for my long hair goal, and he thought I was being silly. He said that he won't consider me any more or less interesting or pretty with " four more inches of hair hanging down my back". I said that many men would find my commitment to long healthy hair attractive, and he said he's just not into hair. We have a great marriage, and he tells me I'm beautiful, but my hair just does not impress him. I have to admit, it's a little depressing, because he doesn't even realize how unusual it is to have baby fine hair like mine be healthy and at waist! *sniffle*

I actually agree with him and think it's a very nice thing to say. He's saying he would love you no matter what, and what is more or less hair in the big scheme of things, really? Come on!

Share your enthusiasm about long hair on this forum, with people who are aiming towards a long hair goal also, but please... not with your husband. I mean, he's a man, not your BFF.

carmenvanessa
May 23rd, 2011, 10:42 AM
When my husband tells me about a personal goal related to working out or sports, that I am not particularly interested in, I try to be encouraging. Most men don't try as hard as we do. Doesn't mean they care about us any less, they just may not think it's important. But then we don't want to have to tell them we want encouragement. I guess we shouldn't expect them to think like us or read our minds...but that is always easier said than done :slap:

pepperminttea
May 23rd, 2011, 11:10 AM
Lucky you. I mean that sincerely. Who wants a dude who sweats the small stuff about their significant other's looks? Speaking as someone who has had a boyfriend who has asked her to wear makeup more often and grow out her hair, such ambivalence would be bliss.

Agreed. He loves you the way you are - do you have any idea how many people would give anything to be in that situation?

Ashenputtel
May 23rd, 2011, 11:11 AM
I think it's nice than he loves you the way you are.

My boyfriend finds my hair obsession quite funny, but he doesn't want me to dye my hair anymore. He says I'm gonna destroy my hair. He also prefer hair below shoulder lenght.

I don't care I like long hair. I wear it down when I'm with him and I wair it up for work

Gypsygirl
May 23rd, 2011, 11:14 AM
I think some men are just happy with women the way we are - they are not too fussed with our hairstyles and clothes and value women for who they are - that is pretty cool.

That! :) Think about it- sounds like you got yourself a real keeper!

spidermom
May 23rd, 2011, 11:20 AM
My husband doesn't much care either. He only sees that I can wear my hair two ways: up or down. That's it, although he does appreciate braiding (which counts as "up") more than bunning.

squiggyflop
May 23rd, 2011, 11:25 AM
um well, he is a smart dude.. he gave you an answer that allowed him to never get yelled at in the future if you didnt like the way yourself looked with long hair and cut it all off.. he made it so that he could still have wiggle room to say you always look pretty even if you suddenly were bald or something.. smart smart man.. its like a guy saying that a woman is beautiful no matter what she wears.. take it as a compliment, and a gesture that he doesnt want to ever hurt your feelings in the future

BrightEyes7
May 23rd, 2011, 11:30 AM
My DBF couldn't care less really.

But one time I mentioned cutting it short (like BSL :laugh: ) and he said "No, you shouldn't. Everyone would be sad" Everyone being his family, especially his mom, who love my hair!! So he kinda takes notice, but not so much.

Oh well, I didn't grow it for him, I grew it for me! :D

Kristamommyx3
May 23rd, 2011, 11:39 AM
He is a real keeper. We had our 12 wedding anniversay yesterday. I realize he is a man, and try to take it into consideration. However, my own father, who is a very lumberjack looking man's man, raised me to see hair as the woman's crowning glory. I suppose this is where I get my ideas from. Lol. It's really not a big deal in the scheme of life, I agree. But, it can be a catch 22... He might love me no matter what I look like, but he barely ever notices either, you know what I mean? Hehe. He's a great guy, the best. I just wish he could appreciate my attempts at trying not to "let myself go" so to say. I've had three children, and I could weigh 100 lbs more, and have a purple mullet, and he'd probably be happy as a clam! I guess I can't complain about that.:). But a " my your hair is especially long looking today". Would be nice! Heehee.

Kristamommyx3
May 23rd, 2011, 11:43 AM
Lol that would be rare for him! He's so terrible at compliments, we both get silly by how badly they come out! Seriously, when we were first dating, he once complimented me by saying"I like big breasts, but yours are ok too!". That one was unforgettable.


um well, he is a smart dude.. he gave you an answer that allowed him to never get yelled at in the future if you didnt like the way yourself looked with long hair and cut it all off.. he made it so that he could still have wiggle room to say you always look pretty even if you suddenly were bald or something.. smart smart man.. its like a guy saying that a woman is beautiful no matter what she wears.. take it as a compliment, and a gesture that he doesnt want to ever hurt your feelings in the future

Kristamommyx3
May 23rd, 2011, 11:47 AM
Yep, that's him, too!




My husband doesn't much care either. He only sees that I can wear my hair two ways: up or down. That's it, although he does appreciate braiding (which counts as "up") more than bunning.

Sunshineliz
May 23rd, 2011, 12:19 PM
Lol that would be rare for him! He's so terrible at compliments, we both get silly by how badly they come out! Seriously, when we were first dating, he once complimented me by saying"I like big breasts, but yours are ok too!". That one was unforgettable.

Hahahaha. He sounds like my husband!:D I just have to remember the spirit in which he makes the weird compliments.:)

Pumpkin
May 23rd, 2011, 02:21 PM
Men are very simple creatures...my husband loved me when I had a pixie and loves me now that my hair is BSL. I grow my hair for myself...

Sunshineliz
May 23rd, 2011, 02:41 PM
Well, DH may love me for me, but he did make one hair request--Please do not cut it to a pixie! I've never wanted one, so that's not a hard request to accomodate. He doesn't have to share my hair obsession, just be understanding and supportive.

But generally, I think we're all just happy with a man who loves us for who we are, and not what we look like.

Deborah
May 23rd, 2011, 02:59 PM
Your husband loves you. He thinks you are beautiful. You are WAY ahead of the curve on this one. Be happy with him, and be happy that your hair is lovely. :)

Freki
May 23rd, 2011, 03:16 PM
I really rather my husband didn't care about my hair. Instead, my husband would much prefer I have very short hair.

But he is still supportive and thinks I'm beautiful anyway. He'll love me long hair or not... it's just my hair doesn't fall into his general preference.

ksanka02
May 23rd, 2011, 03:19 PM
my hubby doesn't care about my hair ...

jojo
May 23rd, 2011, 04:35 PM
My husband threatens he will divorce me if I get my hair cut short, however he has in jest threatened to cut my bun off but i told him try it and your nuts will follow!:D

McFearless
May 23rd, 2011, 04:55 PM
Heh. That's why you have us. We get it.

And, btw, your hair is gorgeous.

This! :)

Mesmerise
May 23rd, 2011, 05:02 PM
I know what you mean about wishing your husband would care one way or the other about your hair (or whatever else). But in a way it's a good thing! Would you rather a husband who considered you a trophy wife, and who found you unattractive if you cut your hair or gained weight? At least you know your husband loves YOU and not just your outside package :D.

I never discuss my hair with my husband. Or at least not much... I may say something to the effect that I'm "not using heat anymore" or whatever, but he sorta just ignores it...or doesn't pay much attention. When we started going out I had a pixie (the shortest hair of my LIFE to that point in time) and while I felt less attractive with it and couldn't wait for it to get longer, I guess he just didn't care! Since then I've had it long and short and different colors, and he's never really said much at all about it haha. I've also gained weight, lost weight, and gained weight again... and he's never commented negatively on that either!

But yeah, at the same time it'd be nice to feel appreciated for the effort we DO put in!

lacefrost
May 23rd, 2011, 07:14 PM
Neither of my men particularly care. They will comment if I do something completely new to it, (well the bf will, the hubby won't) but by and large they don't care. Which is great because my hair has radically changed. Went from straight APL to extreeeemely curly. Now it's at BSL. Hubby prefers longer hair so at some point he wants me to straighten it so he can see, bf prefers very very short hair (pixie-bob) or very very long hair. But mostly prefers the short.

But it's my hobby, not theirs. This is exactly why I joined! :)

ladylovecraft
May 23rd, 2011, 07:36 PM
I really rather my husband didn't care about my hair. Instead, my husband would much prefer I have very short hair.

But he is still supportive and thinks I'm beautiful anyway. He'll love me long hair or not... it's just my hair doesn't fall into his general preference.

This. My boyfriend prefers short bobs on girls, which I find baffling and the complete opposite of my style preference. I don't even consider hair long on a female until it's hip length and you like WHAT??? o.O

I suppose it's so confusing to me because all of my exes have been the opposite... enthused about me growing my hair. Grr.

Lux88
May 23rd, 2011, 07:55 PM
I think that's pretty normal! most guys don't seem very interested in hair. I'm constantly trying to talk about hair with my bf but he doesn't seem to care either way.

Ping
May 23rd, 2011, 07:59 PM
I totally agree with KittyLost (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/member.php?u=28472). Mine would say "Why" if I said I wanted to cut my hair couple years ago. Now he says "as long as you are happy"...:cheese:

Amraann
May 23rd, 2011, 08:37 PM
I agree with everyone else who said he loves you for you no matter what.
Which is sweet.

I do not know if I even told hubby when I decided to grow my hair back?
When we first got together it was a little past my shoulders and for years never longer then BSL.
If I did mention it I do not recall any reaction about it. Probably he said something like Ok honey whatever you want.

No that it is long he definitely has interest and would not like me to cut it. Maybe your SO will be the same?
Hubby does show interest now.

Debra83
May 23rd, 2011, 08:44 PM
My fiance likes long hair, and is happy that I'm growing mine out (from before we started dated), but when we started dating I was shoulder length, and it didn't matter to him that I wasn't a long hair yet. I'm very glad he's in it for me, and not for my hair. I'm very glad too, that he'll be happy when I'm happy with the length of it.

Carolyn
May 23rd, 2011, 08:48 PM
You told him "that many men would find my commitment to long healthy hair attractive". Think about that. Many men just don't care. Your husband is not inconsiderate or inattentive. It doesn't mean that he hates it. He just doesn't care. Apathy isn't necessarily a negative thing.


I couldn't imagine concerning myself in any way about whether or not my b/f is enthusiastic about long hair. Actually he isn't. If I'm happily content with looking at hairtoys online or shushing him when a commercial for conditioner comes on, then he's happy that I'm happy. It's a HOBBY. He's in a relationship with me, not my hobbies or personal interests or activities. I suppose that if my b/f got all hyped up about something, and then decided he wanted me to be even the least bit interested, and then got upset that I didn't, I'd probably tell him to go f**k himself.

I read the first original post to my b/f and he just sucked his teeth and said "I thought you did the hair thing for yourself and not for your man? And he's saying the right thing, 'I'm not going to love you any more or less regardless of what your hair looks like' What more does she want?"This. Exactly. For a lot of us, our long hair is a hobby. For me it's a hobby that doesn't need to be shared. I don't want to share it. It's my own private little piece of fun. I certainly don't want to share golf or fishing with Mr Cranky. I'm like, please GO and stay as long as you like and then some. You couldn't pay me to get involved in the things he likes and I want him to stay out of mine. I've never once in 30 some years brought up the subject of my hair. I've never announced an upcoming change. I've never gone on and on about conditioners or hair toys. I've never asked him what he thought of it. It's mine mine mine :D and that's the way I like it.

luthein
May 23rd, 2011, 08:56 PM
I can't help but vocalize an "awwwww" for a few of the laments in this thread. It really sounds like some want to have a supportive partner in conjunction with your hair journey. You could try to gently (gently!) ask your SO to brush your hair, or to oil the ends, or to massage your scalp. Or embrace the little moments, like when they move a lock of hair behind your shoulder.

They might not care about your hair. To many, it's just dead ropes of keratin. But they care about you, so it's worth a shot to invite them into your hairy world. If all else fails, request hair toys. >: )

seethruugirl
May 23rd, 2011, 09:10 PM
Men tend to look at the big picture not the details when it comes to a woman's looks. Hair is a detail. :p Probably to him 4 inches seems like a small change so he doesn't have a big reaction to it. He finds you beautiful and that matters far more.

ha ha ha I have to laugh about this....he's a man and I bet he's into details when he's talking about 4 inches of his "stuff" ;) I bet 4 inches seems much longer to him then. ha ha ha. :):D:p

WaitingSoLong
May 23rd, 2011, 09:28 PM
Carolyn's post really made me think. I thought to myself: wow, she doesn't share her hair hobby with her hubby at all? I cannot imagine that. I mean, me and DH both have hobbies and we seem to share them. I don't get into guns and WW2 and genealogy, but I listen if he wants to talk about his newest toys or finds. I do watch his dozens of WW2 movies, but sometimes I sit there with him while he watches and I read instead.

I don't think I would like if he expected me to be excited about his interests, I cannot expect him to be that way with mine. We, of course, have hobbies we share.

But after reading Carolyn's post I realize I do have a hobby I keep completely private. It is not my hair, it is my writing. Not once has he ever EVER asked to see what I write in my dozens of journals or poetry books. They are not hidden, he can read them if he ever chooses, but I have never ever asked him to read them and would probably feel...weird...if he did. Writing is my ME thing. I would think he would at least be curious, but I am rather glad he is not.

Hair, though, can be a part of the marriage. I mean, it is physical. Marriage is physical. But marriage should be much deeper than physical and hair ultimately on the bottom of the list. I prefer my husband's hair longer than he keeps it. However, I trim it when he asks me to. It is just not that big of a deal. He grew a goatee for me once upon request and I hated it. LOL. That'll teach me. I want my husband to accept me physically regardless of what changes. That is security. I mean, what if I were burned and disfigured? But yet we want to be appreciated for the effort we put into our appearance, especially if we do it for them. I DO try to look good for my husband. Not all the time, not every day, not even every week. But I maintain a level of "looks" I think will keep him physically interested even though he has never once said anything about my failing looks when I have let myself go.

All this to agree that the opposite problem would definitely be worse and only TLHC really appreciates hair anyway.

Mesmerise
May 23rd, 2011, 09:44 PM
I must say, I don't share my hair hobby with anyone :p. Most people would think it was a little weird! I'm sure they think it's odd when I say "NO HEAT" lol (when they offer me the use of their straighteners lol). I mean, I have told a friend that I am growing my hair really long (apparently she used to have knee length hair, way before I knew her, so she's not judging me lol).

As for my husband... well I mentioned that if I bought 12 boxes of Jamila henna off eBay it would only cost me $72 or something, which is super cheap per box lol. And I've told him that I only henna now... and that I don't straighten my hair with heat. He never says much at all. Although he did say I visit weird forums :o Silly man!

Honestly if I had short hair, I wouldn't discuss it with him if I decided to grow it. Mostly because the only times I've ever had short hair I've grown it again! I might mention if I'm dyeing my hair (well I did in the past when I used box colour). But overall, it's not something that I really talk about. I've never told him I'm growing to hip. He may be surprised when I get there :p but that's all. I think he finds long hair a bit annoying in bed, mostly because of the "OWWWW YOU'RE ON MY HAIR!!!!" that he gets occasionally, but not so much now I braid it before going to bed! Still, that happened with APL and BSL hair, so no difference. My hair's probably as long as its ever been since we've been together, but not by much... so yeah... maybe when it's much longer he'll notice or comment or whatever.

But anyway, at the end of the day... guys usually aren't interested in hair (most guys... there are, of course LHC guys who are different :D).

And you know, if my husband hated long hair with a passion, I'd still have it. Even if he loathed it and said he'd divorce me if I didn't cut it! I STILL would have long hair cause it's MINE and I wouldn't want to be married to someone who would dicatate my hair anyway.

RocketDog
May 23rd, 2011, 10:26 PM
My husband's default answer is always 'I think you are beautiful no matter what your hair looks like.'

Diplomatic, isn't he?

He's seen me with everything from a shaved head, to classic-length faux dreadlocks in unnatural colors, to my current near-waist henna'd hair. He likes it all. Probably just because it's attached to me, though. On a day-to-day basis he doesn't comment on it, unless I specifically ask him if a bun is off-center or something.

I think about my hair all the time, but it would be quite self-centered of me to expect others to devote so much of their time to thinking about the stuff growing out of my scalp. I don't think about THEIR hair, so why would they think about mine?

alyanna
May 23rd, 2011, 10:46 PM
Consider yourself lucky.

It's quite annoying when husbands are picky about how they would like you to look. Imagine if he *demanded* you keep your hair long, or short for that matter. My father-in-law does not like long hair and pretty much banned my mother-in-law from growing it long enough for a ponytail. He hates the way she looks in ponytails :rolleyes: Not cool. And then yeah, if you get sick and lose your hair, even if he's totally kind and supportive, you know that deep down inside he thinks you look like crap.

Come to think of it, my husband is kind of picky about some things, like nails. He likes my fingernails squared. If they start to curve into an oval shape, he's like "your nails look funny". And he likes nail polish but only certain colors. Like for toenails he only likes very light or neutral colors, or red and hot pink. If I do browns, or funky blue or something, he's like "eew they look dirty". And even if I wear his favorite color, he'll like notice how long I've had the nail polish on and he'll say "isn't it time you removed it, you've been wearing it for what, a week"? Like you're actually keeping track?? You bet he is. And he notices such strange things on other people too. Like the secretary who has toe hair. And he'll give these very, very accurate descriptions too.

Be thankful he doesn't care.

Sundial
May 24th, 2011, 12:03 AM
My hubby isn't bothered about my hair too. The only hair-related comments he makes are "your hair is getting long" and "did you remember to put your hair toys back?"
He's more into how I dress and I have often joked to family/friends that I'm like a life-size Barbie to him because he likes shopping for my clothes/shoes/bags/accessories and asking me to dress up in certain outfits.

And I agree about what some people said (worrying about how you look to DH if you ever fall sick and lose your hair if he is really into your long hair). So you can take comfort in that instead of worrying about why your DH isn't sharing your enthusiasm in your hair hobby.

Or perhaps you can keep your hair up 99% of the time and only wear it down during special occasions. He might notice it more when he gets to see it less

Dina L.
May 24th, 2011, 12:32 AM
I think there's nothing wrong with your husband. Each man cares about something else: eyes, face, hands, tits, backside, long legs etc. If the woman has what "they want", they usually don't see the rest. Sometimes they tell compliments about the "rest of the woman", but that"s the way they work. :)
I'm not looking down on men, it's just what I've noticed about their "mechanism". :)

Oh, and something more: believe me, YOU WILL HAVE thousands of woman turning around after you and some of them will even dare to make compliments! ;)

AshNight1214
May 24th, 2011, 12:37 AM
Well, I suppose at least he's not telling you NOT to have long hair (kudos for your growth, btw, VERY impressive). I saw a post a little while back about people saying long hair was disgusting! Maybe what he's saying is more that he just thinks you're beautiful the way you are and that he doesn't think more or less hair will change that. :)

sycamoreboutiqu
May 24th, 2011, 01:00 AM
lacefrost - Whoa, do tell ?

You have two men - neither interested in your hair ? That is some juggling act, more power to you.

Same here as with most of you - hubby only has a passing interest and I had a super short cut (and blonde) when we were first dating. That was 25 years ago and wouldn't suit me today even if I liked the style, so he goes with the flow.

Do wish there was a bit more interest, but at least there is no criticism of my growing and fussing over it. That is a good thing.

Kristamommyx3
May 24th, 2011, 09:48 AM
Heehee I suppose this is very true!



Consider yourself lucky.

It's quite annoying when husbands are picky about how they would like you to look. Imagine if he *demanded* you keep your hair long, or short for that matter. My father-in-law does not like long hair and pretty much banned my mother-in-law from growing it long enough for a ponytail. He hates the way she looks in ponytails :rolleyes: Not cool. And then yeah, if you get sick and lose your hair, even if he's totally kind and supportive, you know that deep down inside he thinks you look like crap.

Come to think of it, my husband is kind of picky about some things, like nails. He likes my fingernails squared. If they start to curve into an oval shape, he's like "your nails look funny". And he likes nail polish but only certain colors. Like for toenails he only likes very light or neutral colors, or red and hot pink. If I do browns, or funky blue or something, he's like "eew they look dirty". And even if I wear his favorite color, he'll like notice how long I've had the nail polish on and he'll say "isn't it time you removed it, you've been wearing it for what, a week"? Like you're actually keeping track?? You bet he is. And he notices such strange things on other people too. Like the secretary who has toe hair. And he'll give these very, very accurate descriptions too.

Be thankful he doesn't care.

Kristamommyx3
May 24th, 2011, 09:52 AM
Thank you all very much for your honest opinions. I have read every post, and all of your insight has given me a new perspective. :) such a great, frank and supportive group!

Joliebaby
May 24th, 2011, 11:26 AM
um well, he is a smart dude.. he gave you an answer that allowed him to never get yelled at in the future if you didnt like the way yourself looked with long hair and cut it all off.. he made it so that he could still have wiggle room to say you always look pretty even if you suddenly were bald or something.. smart smart man.. its like a guy saying that a woman is beautiful no matter what she wears.. take it as a compliment, and a gesture that he doesnt want to ever hurt your feelings in the future

I was thinking this too :) I've had anything from bald to nearly waist, and my husband even helped me shave my head - but when I was growing my hair and told him to not let me cut it, he was telling me not to cut :)

In short, he NEVER has expressed a preference related to hair in any way, not mine or anyone else's, in as long as I have known him, about 15 years. And this is just one of the reasons I love him. He always thinks I am beautiful, and just wants me to be happy with myself :)

PianoPlaye
May 24th, 2011, 12:10 PM
My DH isn't unduly fussed, so long as I'm happy. My sons roll their eyes a bit when asked to take photos of wet & drying hair, but have learned to comb and camera without too much stress. (Train 'em young - and accept that little 'uns assume you share All your hair products!)
The other posters are spot on - a husband who love *you* is worth rubies.

lacefrost
May 25th, 2011, 11:02 PM
lacefrost - Whoa, do tell ?

You have two men - neither interested in your hair ? That is some juggling act, more power to you.


Once in a while it's juggling but most of the time it's just lots of love and affection (which apparently I devour like a dying man :) ).

But nope neither one of them is that interested and they like opposite things. Husband likes my hair down in tees & jeans and up in long dresses. He likes it long and appreciates it straight once in a while. Paramour LOVES my hair in an afro (husbands LEAST favorite style) and HATES my hair straight. :rolleyes:

Outside of those things it's like asking them, "Should I wear the blue dress or the purple dress?"

them: :confused::run::couch:

(I wish I were kidding. . .Sometimes I really do want to know if I should wear the blue dress or the purple dress. . .)