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PiroskaCicu
May 21st, 2011, 11:16 PM
she thought very long hair was ugly today.

We were sitting in the car waiting to pick my younger brother up, and I noticed a girl with beautiful hip length hair, that looked like a natural red colour. I said to her "Wow, mom, isn't her hair gorgeous?"

Her reaction was "No! It's so ugly. I hate it." :rolleyes:

The thing is she knows I'm growing mine to tailbone length, so I wonder what she thinks of that? :p Oh well, I don't really mind because I will love my hair and that's all that matters. I just thought it was interesting to share.

Do your parents/relatives hate very long hair openly?

Sabriel
May 21st, 2011, 11:21 PM
I think a lot of people say things like that out of jealousy.

neesalena
May 21st, 2011, 11:28 PM
My parents dislike hair that doesn't look done. They are among the many people who think that 'good hair' is smooth, straight and shiny. My natural texture isn't that at all, so I grew up with them always trying to get my hair to look good. They also insisted I keep it at chin length (triangle much?) Neither of them are fans of long hair, if only since they can't imagine maintaining it themselves.

This week they saw my hair over Skype, first time since I moved to Japan. They thought it looked a wreck, needed to be straightened clearly.

They may never understand but someday they will accept (maybe even like) that I'm finally getting along with my hair instead of fighting it.

christine1989
May 21st, 2011, 11:35 PM
My mom rather dislikes long hair and even when she sees thick, shiny, healthy long hair she just does not appreciate it the way I do. She knows that I am determined to grow it out and although she likes it short she is not opposed to growing long hair. My parents have always let me wear my hair however I want so they are used to it by now ;).

Dragon
May 21st, 2011, 11:59 PM
I’m not sure what my parents think of long hair as they have never said. I know my Mum likes trimming it shorter then I want. Back when I use to colour my hair, my Dad would often say something negative about it. He also hates it straightened. When it comes to things like doing unnatural things to hair, putting on makeup and getting tattoos and piercing, he believes that if we were meant to have it, we would be born with it. I remember once when I was a little kid, I saw two little girls who looked like sisters with beautiful long hair. I said something to my Mum about how nice it looks and she looked at me with a disgusted look on her face and said it’s all full of split ends.

Loreley
May 22nd, 2011, 12:14 AM
I don't know what my parents think about long hair. I think maybe my mom likes it, but she has never said. :confused:
I know what my grandma's opinion is about my hair. She says it's beautiful, but she hates when it's let down and keeps telling me I should cut it to shoulder length. According to her taking care of long hair is difficult and tiring. Really? I haven't noticed... :rolleyes:

growingpains
May 22nd, 2011, 12:27 AM
My Mom thinks my obsession with long hair is absolutely adorable and is thrilled of all things I could be fixated on I chose something so full of self care. She loves I quit the dye also. My Dad on the other hand thinks APL, maybe BSL is the longest a woman's hair should be, and would probably think hip length was "ugly" though he'd never use that language. That said, my parents both support me in whatever I do, even if it isn't their personal preference, which is so so so nice.

Toadstool
May 22nd, 2011, 02:12 AM
She may just have disliked that particular girl's long hair, not everyone's.
I don't know anyone in real life who likes very long hair, only people on this forum.

alwayssmiling
May 22nd, 2011, 03:28 AM
I think everyone finds certain styles "ugly" (though I think I would have phrased it better). My OH doesn't like very long hair because he says its childish (not bothered I'm still growing it long). I dismay at pretty much all my female friends who have turned 30 and have very cropped hair which I think has aged them (they don't care because they like it and enjoy their monthly trips to the salon - my opinion is not relevant) Its just a preference and not to be taken personally because one person will say they don't like women with very long hair the next person will be "wow your hair is amazing."

BTW I was proudly showing my mum how much my hair had grown and she said "but its got no style now, I prefered it when you went to the hairdressers". So I know how you feel, I think lots of us secretly want our mothers approval but its important for our self esteem to do our own thing.

Dark Queen
May 22nd, 2011, 03:42 AM
Wow, this thread is making me sad :(. It's a shame our loved ones can't all be supportive of our self expression. At the same time, I have to say I feel blessed my parents and relatives have always been supportive of me wanting to grow. My grandmother was a long-haired also. They always told me never to cut it short, lol. I guess things like this is all the more reason to find our support here with each other. Don't let 'em get to you :).

Oksana
May 22nd, 2011, 03:42 AM
My mother is very supportive of both my sister and i growing our hair long but she does insist on us having it trimmed when the ends are looking unhealthly. She is the only person i let cut my hair as i know she will only take off the minimal amount. She is also growing hers out longer at the moment which is great as it's something we can all do together :)

ChatNoir
May 22nd, 2011, 03:51 AM
My father really doesn't care much about how I wear my hair. He did look extremely happy when I cut straight bangs though... But then again, everybody said I was cute. The up keep was a nightmare, but I kind of miss it.

Now, my mother on the other hand has taken a healthy interest in my hair. She constantly gives me hints that I would look awesome with chin length hair, but I just laugh. She is also the one who trims my hair, and she never takes off more than I want :3

|Xei
May 22nd, 2011, 04:07 AM
Neither of my parents would ever openly hate very long hair because they both find it lovely (at least until classic length. I don't know what they think about hair longer than that). When my mother was young, she had twin braids down to somewhere between waist and hip. Now, she's in the process of growing her hair out again, and it's at BSL. I don't think she plans on stopping anytime soon. As for my father, he's said that long hair is beautiful.

DuckyDot
May 22nd, 2011, 04:38 AM
My parents love long hair :) My Dad was very annoyed when I cut my waist length hair to shoulder. Oh how I wish I'd listened...

ladyfey
May 22nd, 2011, 05:12 AM
My family hates mine, but I always wear it up so I don't hear about it. Of course they also hate the no make-up and constant sun protection too!

CrystalStar
May 22nd, 2011, 05:14 AM
My Dad is lovely, but he insists I would look nicer with a pixie cut! I know he means no harm though. :p He always says I look lovely no matter what I do with my hair so I know it's just his preference.. he doesn't have a mean streak in him!

Night_Kitten
May 22nd, 2011, 05:32 AM
My mom likes my hair and supports me, and my dad doesn't care what I do with my hair as long as I like it :D
My brother sometimes makes sneaky remarks about my "obsession" with hair, but we always tease each other ever since we were kids, so it's not really about the hair...

Mesmerise
May 22nd, 2011, 05:44 AM
I find it kind of weird how many people are negative about long hair! It's never occurred to me to be so negative about any type of hair really. I'd never tell someone what they should or shouldn't do with their hair (unless they ask advice...and even then I wouldn't expect them to take my advice unless it made sense to them to do so).

The only time I've personally not liked long hair is when I've seen long hair in really bad condition. I mean, when someone's sitting in front of you and 90% of their ends are split and feathered looking... well I do want to take to it with a pair of sharp scissors!!

I am glad my family doesn't comment either way, to be honest.

Boudicca
May 22nd, 2011, 06:12 AM
Ah, mothers. :rolleyes: Hopefully, she was just being thoughtless rather than deliberately spiteful. I think some mums think that mother/daughter relationship means no boundaries or politeness required when it comes to opinions on stuff like that.

Some mums can be competitive over things like that, too. My mum has a tendency to go about the thickness of her own hair, even though she knows I'm sensitive about the fineness of mine. :rolleyes:

LunaMoon
May 22nd, 2011, 07:01 AM
Well, I think most of my family, not just my mother, are "short/medium hair" lovers. I started growing mine after 38...
For my mom long hair is really odd, old fashioned... well people is different...

Lilli
May 22nd, 2011, 07:11 AM
I know my dad loves long hair as he laments that all women seem to cut their hair short as they age. My mom has that candy floss hair and she never tries to grow it, but she doesn't dislike long hair (just has no hope for her own hair.) Been short since the 80s. Maybe I'll encourage her to grow it long. I did get her to stop perming it after a concerted effort.

Annibelle
May 22nd, 2011, 07:40 AM
I'm not sure how my parents/family feel about long hair... But my waist-length hair is the longest I've ever seen on anyone in my family (and I've got over 60 first-cousins on my dad's side, so that's sayin' something). My grandmas, aunts, and mom all have around shoulder-length or shorter, and my female cousins are BSL at longest (though that's rare, too-- most are APL and straighten every day and dye constantly...). No one in my family actually says anything about my hair, though-- maybe they don't notice it! My DH is extremely supportive, though-- he maintains at hip, and even though he's never said he'd want my hair longer, he definitely looks frightened when I say I want to cut it-- or even trim!

Scarlet_Heart
May 22nd, 2011, 07:50 AM
My mother has always been a hopeless longhair and my father an admirer of woman with long hair. He himself always kept his fairly long (I always tease him that he had the Jerry Seinfeld mullet :p). They used to say to me in this respect, "Poor kid, you never even had a chance." hehehe

jojo
May 22nd, 2011, 08:11 AM
My mum is very vocal regarding my hair she thinks its way to thin to be long (its 4.5" thick. The rest of the women in my family have very, very thick hair so mine doesnt look as thick as theirs) she thinks my face is too long and I look like a horse and is always going on about how much more attractive id look with short hair. Yes my mum is very insensitive to my feelings. My dad when he was alive made the odd comment about my hair looking like rat tails on the odd occasion i had it down and he hated me with no fringe (he's be happy that I have one again :)) but overall he liked long hair as long as it was looked after. My dad also hated women who coloured their hair and who spent all the time blowdrying it "let it be how god intended it to be, faffing about with your hair all the time is no good" I can hear him now! should have made him a member!

But to be honest, I couldnt give a flying duck I am 42 years old and enjoy looking like a horse and if anything negative comments make me want to flick 2 fingers at them and grow it even longer!

Cimorene
May 22nd, 2011, 08:29 AM
My Mom has told me before that she thinks I look better with short, spiky hair, but is also of the basic philosophy that it's my hair and I can do what I want with it. (This is the woman who helped me attempt to dye my hair red when I was 13, despite the objections of one of my aunts.)

My Renegray status, on the other hand, is something she comments on more often.

"Oh my GOD, Cimorene, look at all the grays in your hair! Want me to get you some hair dye?"

"I've explained this to you about 1000 times - hair dye = damage AND roots that come back in less than a month, both of which = high maintenance. So, no thanks."

She pesters me sometimes, but I still love her. :D

Ashenputtel
May 22nd, 2011, 08:52 AM
My mom is dark haired with a pixie cut. But she likes exactly the opposite on me. She likes me blonde (my natural color) and with hair below shoulder.

I think she likes long hair till waist lenght as long as it has no fairy tale ends which I also dislike.

battles
May 22nd, 2011, 10:54 AM
My parents... hm.

My dad is the type that thinks a woman should be able to sit on her hair. At least, that was how my mom always described it to me. It annoyed me when I was younger, but I sort of like the idea now. I'm also the type that has always had short hair, so I'd like to see his reaction to me finally having long hair.

My mom had very long hair when she was younger, but for as long as I can remember she's had it between BSL and chin length. She looks very cute with it around chin length, I think it suits her well. I don't think she'll have an opinion on my hair either way, whatever makes me happy.

spidermom
May 22nd, 2011, 11:02 AM
Oh well; she's entitled to her opinion, and you did invite her to share it. I was once walking down the hallway with a coworker. A woman with a very long ponytail was ahead of us in the hallway, and I was admiring her hair when my coworker said "that's awful; her hair looks like a horse's tail." I hope the long-hair didn't hear her!

silverjen
May 22nd, 2011, 11:25 AM
Heh. My parents were super-cool about my hair back when I kept it shaved. I know they didn't like it, but neither did they say anything (too) negative, or tell me to grow it out. After that, I can't help but think they'd be relieved I had hair of any length, even if it was "too long".

virgo75
May 22nd, 2011, 11:37 AM
Oh well; she's entitled to her opinion, and you did invite her to share it. I was once walking down the hallway with a coworker. A woman with a very long ponytail was ahead of us in the hallway, and I was admiring her hair when my coworker said "that's awful; her hair looks like a horse's tail." I hope the long-hair didn't hear her!

One person's trash is another's treasure.

I'd love to hair that looks like a horse's tail! :lol:

To the OP: Parents have their own opinions and don't always agree with their kids. It would be nice if she were supportive of your interest in growing your hair, but if she isn't then don't worry about it. Edited to add: Are you sure she dislikes all long hair? From what she said, it was just that particulare head of hair. I've seen long hair that I thought was unattractive(could have used some conditioner and a trim), but I love long hair in general. :crush:

I don't always agree with what my daughter finds attractive- in particular the make-up she likes to try to go to school in :rolleyes: - but I try to reassure her on how beautiful she is no matter what. :)

alyanna
May 22nd, 2011, 11:47 AM
Yep. My parents, grandmother, mother-in-law ... they're all anti-long hair. I don't mind my dad so much cuz he only gives his opinion when you ask for it otherwise he keeps quiet. Plus I like that he's into short crops and pixies because it's untraditional/atypical for men to be into short hair. I find *most* men like feminine looks and long hair.

My mom, granny and in-laws always tell me they like my hair blow-dried and shorter, ie. anything shorter than APL is great. They loved my sleek bob and highlights (except my mom doesn't like dyes of any kind).

So long, wurly, "messy", hippie-hair is not necessarily gonna go over too well. I keep my hair ambitions to myself :rolleyes:

My husband's very cool about any changes in looks. He was supportive when I cut and he's super-excited about my growing it out. My opinion and his are all that count (his cuz I want to be attractive in his eyes ... I'm just like that).

emeraldshade
May 22nd, 2011, 12:13 PM
My mum is very vocal regarding my hair she thinks its way to thin to be long (its 4.5" thick. The rest of the women in my family have very, very thick hair so mine doesnt look as thick as theirs) she thinks my face is too long and I look like a horse and is always going on about how much more attractive id look with short hair. Yes my mum is very insensitive to my feelings. My dad when he was alive made the odd comment about my hair looking like rat tails on the odd occasion i had it down and he hated me with no fringe (he's be happy that I have one again :)) but overall he liked long hair as long as it was looked after. My dad also hated women who coloured their hair and who spent all the time blowdrying it "let it be how god intended it to be, faffing about with your hair all the time is no good" I can hear him now! should have made him a member!

But to be honest, I couldnt give a flying duck I am 42 years old and enjoy looking like a horse and if anything negative comments make me want to flick 2 fingers at them and grow it even longer!


JoJo, you certainly DO NOT look like a horse. From what I can see, you're hair and face go beautifully together. :)

Two years ago I had friends and acquaintances tell me my almost waist length long hair looked horrible and made me look old (?), and that it would look soo much better short and styled. I actually listened to them and regretted getting my hair cut into a chin length bob. So last July I decided screw them, I'm growing my hair as long as it will get. Funny, those same friends all have short hair which I think makes them look old:p

My husband doesn't care one way or the other, as long as I'm happy with my hair.

squiggyflop
May 22nd, 2011, 12:16 PM
mom always liked short hair.. its just a preference, plus she always found it easier to be hired with short hair.. so she has told me i need to cut mine.. but she lives all the way across the country so she cant make me do anything..

dad wouldnt dare say my hair was ugly.. he does get annoyed with my shed hairs being everywhere.. but he does love my henna..

my other relatives who are mainly uber religious think my long hair is awesome.. im not sure how i feel about my hair conveying some religious message to them as i no longer feel as though christianity is right for me (tried to read the bible and got so depressed and rage filled toward men that i couldnt function for months, the wrathful thoughts i had toward men who were christians were something so terrible that in order to not feel the urge to harm men i had to just tell myself that there must not be a christian god, or a jewish god as the part i read was the old testament.. dont ask me which parts because if i have to look them up again i get swept away by hatred again.. and i dont want to be filled with hate every single day)

my non religious older relatives seem either to not care about my hair or feel the urge to constantly pet me like a dog.. my nonreligious cousins are mainly the apathetic bunch because really why would my cousin kiley care about my long red hair when she has those beautiful gold curls..

dulce
May 22nd, 2011, 12:24 PM
My late mom hated my hair long,she was of the generation that had their short hair "done" at the salon weekly.The natural look of long hair did not appeal to her.

dulce
May 22nd, 2011, 12:25 PM
Luckily my hubbie loves my long gray hair.

holomi
May 22nd, 2011, 12:27 PM
My parents like short styled hair. Just their preference, what's wrong with that?

Melanie Marie
May 22nd, 2011, 12:28 PM
If someone were to ever tell me that long hair was ugly, I would not be associating with them any more than I absolutely had to because:

1) I wouldn't believe them, and I don't like people who lie, especially out of jealousy
2) If they honestly though that, they would be insulting my religion, and that is the worst thing anyone could do to me

Don't worry what other people think. If you are happy with the way your hair looks, then who cares about other people? You're not doing anything immoral or dangerous. :p

dulce
May 22nd, 2011, 12:36 PM
It's ok to have different opinions within a family but my mom hated my hair so much she used to threaten to cut it off in my sleep which used to worry me[luckily she never did]Once I moved out she reduced her comments a lot[but still gave me a zinger now and then]With her ,it was a combination of disliking the look of long hair and a control issue sadly.She was the my way or the highway type of person in all aspects of her life.

Pumpkin
May 22nd, 2011, 12:40 PM
My dad (he has been dead for 15 years) loved my hair when it was long. My mother, however, to this day, does not like the fact that I am growing my hair back out. So, in order for us to keep the peace, I wear it up when I am around her. This seems to keep the snide remarks from her at bay.

Oh well, I am still growing it to my waist.

Fairlight63
May 22nd, 2011, 01:20 PM
I am not sure what my parents would have thought about long hair because they have passed away. I did have long hair though when I was 13yrs. old, not as long as now though, it was about BSL, I guess. My sister got her APL hair cut into short bubble do, then she talked me into getting mine cut short also. My mom told me later she cried that I had gotten my beautiful long hair cut short. I have never been able to grow it out again real long until now. I would try but then weould see someone with a pretty short hairdo - then want to get mine cut also. Mine never looked as good as the one that I had seen though.
Now my DH doesn't like long hair, he likes a short chin length bob cut, but he is leaving me alone about it lately, Praise the Lord. I guess he sees that it doesn't do any good to make cutting remarks.
I was surprised in my youngest daughter, though. Not too long ago she told me that I should get it cut short. When she was a teenager she had waist length beautiful thick hair. She got it cut short when she graduated from high school. She said when she was a teenager that she thought that older women looked better with long hair not dyed & done up in a updo. So when she told me that she thought that I should get my hair cut, I was taken aback. She is in her 30's & went to college & all so I guess that she got the worldly view that older women should cut their hair short & keep it dyed.
She or anyone else hasn't said anything else about my hair & I don't bring up the "hair subject" to any one. I wear it up all the time, so no one will say that it is getting too long & I should cut it.

MissManda
May 22nd, 2011, 01:21 PM
Let's see...

My dad loves long hair and wears his own to somewhere between APL and midback. I remember he used to have a friend who had almost knee-length hair and he was always amazed by her hair. I think he likes my hair long, but I don't know at this point. :shrug:

I think my mom likes my hair long, too since she kept it long to very long when I was a child. I don't really talk to her much, but I doubt she'd have anything negative to say about it.

My DF's parents don't really seem to care how long my hair is, although they both have told me my hair is pretty. They're especially fond of my henna color. :D

As for my DF, he loves my hair and complains if I wear it up too often. lol He loves to pet it and play with it and sometimes helps me style it. :crush: He is supportive of me growing my hair to classic length, but tells me that I'd look beautiful with any hair length. He says he wouldn't care too much if I cut my hair short, but I think it's obvious that he'd be pretty upset initially.

I have no clue what my sister thinks of my hair. I think she likes it because I don't have to worry about flat irons if I want to wear my hair straight.

Now the one person who hates my hair is my dad's mom. From what I've seen, she appears to have a general dislike/jealousy of long hair, but especially hates my hair long. Every time I'd allow her to mess with it or follow her "advice," my hair never looked good afterwards. But now I don't live with her anymore and don't have to put up with her bull :poop: and let her ideas influence me.

RitaPG
May 22nd, 2011, 01:22 PM
I think a lot of people say things like that out of jealousy.
This.
I don't see how someone can say they "hate" certain hairstyles (unless it's one dirty matted giant dreadlock that smells like pee- oh the things I've seen!)
People may not appreciate certain styles, my brother isn't very fond of short hair for example, but he's okay with it. Hate is a rather strong feeling, it's something we usually say of something that either hurts us, intimidates us or causes jealousy.
Also, some peeps are just too used to think that beautiful hair needs to be done (straightened or styled in some sort of way) and just aren't used to seeing natural hair :shrug:

Fwiw, I think your hair is beautiful ^^'
I don't know what my family thinks of mine, it's not something we pay a lot of attention to in here. My mom used to have long hair, though, so I think she's okay with it... But wait until she finds out I'm growing it to my knees :lol:

PrincessBob
May 22nd, 2011, 01:29 PM
My Grandma was a long hair for 30+ years. She only cut her classic+ length hair because of her arthritis.

wtchmel
May 22nd, 2011, 01:37 PM
It blows when the friends or family are non supportive of this that we love. My son and several people at my job think super long hair is creepy, wierd and gross. Go figure. I find it totally cool, and I'm alone in this thought, so i come here. ;)

Dark Queen
May 22nd, 2011, 02:30 PM
Aww, now I'm all nostalgic :). I miss the way my dad used to talk about my hair. He always said a woman's hair can't really be too long. Used to tell me the whole "crowning glory" bit along with my mom. I think to this day he would have flipped out if I ever cut my hair :). Mom never had hair past BSL, but then her hair has always been super fine and she's pretty self conscious about it. These days she's been trying to grow it out more. I wish I has some pictures of her mom, though. My grandma from what I've always been told used to have long thick black hair when she was younger. I'd love to see that.

Lux88
May 22nd, 2011, 02:43 PM
I think a lot of people say things like that out of jealousy.

I agree with this!

McFearless
May 22nd, 2011, 03:27 PM
Could it be that she didn't like that girl's hair colour, texture or hair cut? She didn't say she hated the length specifically.

Anyway we all have different tastes. My mom wants my hair to be longer. She loves long hair.

There are many many people who love short hair out there who have parents discouraging it.

Your hair is beautiful, regardless of length:)

ashke50
May 22nd, 2011, 05:42 PM
My mum's mum made her have short hair when she was little, so she has had long hair ever since, and is glad that I (and both my sisters) have also chosen to have long hair. I don't think my dad really notices - although he does occasionally dye bits of his hair bright red, so I assume he likes when I dye bits of my hair purple.
My fiance loves my hair, but I have no idea what his parents' opinions are. They have never commented.

Annie Fulton
May 22nd, 2011, 06:07 PM
I think I agree with what others have said, which is some people just have hairstyles or types that they just do not like. For example, I know a lot of older women who willl cut their hair at a certain age and then get it permed every couple of weeks (My grandmother does, among others). I do not like that short, curly hairstyle at all. But I would never openly say it was ugly, either. Just because it's not my preference doesn't mean they can't wear their hair like that. Even if your mom doesn't like long hair, I guess all that matters is that she supports you no matter what.

jojo
May 22nd, 2011, 07:09 PM
JoJo, you certainly DO NOT look like a horse. From what I can see, you're hair and face go beautifully together. :)

Two years ago I had friends and acquaintances tell me my almost waist length long hair looked horrible and made me look old (?), and that it would look soo much better short and styled. I actually listened to them and regretted getting my hair cut into a chin length bob. So last July I decided screw them, I'm growing my hair as long as it will get. Funny, those same friends all have short hair which I think makes them look old:p

My husband doesn't care one way or the other, as long as I'm happy with my hair.
aww thank you xx

wendy51
May 22nd, 2011, 07:22 PM
My sister HATES long hair, she finds it too ugly, i thought she had something like hairphobia but it doesn't fit the 'i love long hair well maintened, not too greasy, not a need to trim' statement.Probably because she saw people not taking care of it.

i don't think people hate long hair, i think they don't like the idea of someone not taking care of it, anyone would be amazed with long and healthy hair. For them, long hair as more to do with maintening them

I never saw, heard anyone say that hair were ugly when they were obiously magnificient..First reaction is 'Oh beautiful' then jalousy can come

Bene
May 22nd, 2011, 07:34 PM
I came in here to say this:


Oh well; she's entitled to her opinion, and you did invite her to share it.

Thank you, spidermom.




For real people, you can't ask a question and expect a super huggy, lovey dovey, uber supportive answer EVERY SINGLE TIME. Family members, friends, acquaintances are not obligated to lie to make you feel good about yourself. If it were unsolicited, then yes, they're being jerks. But if you outright ask them and get an opinion you don't like, it's nobody's fault but your own. Don't ask. My parents, what to they think about my hair? I HAVE NO IDEA. I don't ask them.

dragonchickx
May 22nd, 2011, 09:05 PM
My mom and dad like it but my grandmother on the other hand hates it. Every time we get together she is always talking about how i should cut it above my shoulders and it really bothers me but there is no changing her... I like my long hair :D

elbow chic
May 22nd, 2011, 09:23 PM
For real people, you can't ask a question and expect a super huggy, lovey dovey, uber supportive answer EVERY SINGLE TIME. Family members, friends, acquaintances are not obligated to lie to make you feel good about yourself. If it were unsolicited, then yes, they're being jerks. But if you outright ask them and get an opinion you don't like, it's nobody's fault but your own.

ha, yes. Y'know, I dress like a weirdo and am relatively fat and my hair hasn't been cut in over a year.

Obviously not everyone is going to be into my personal aesthetic.

And that is completely OK. I don't ask people how they feel about XYZ things I'm into either. I don't need their permission. :D

racrane
May 22nd, 2011, 10:01 PM
Wow, I feel the same way. My mom hates long hair: "It just hangs there! There's no style!". My grandma feels the same way. It's kind of sad. I cut my long hair off in high school partly for them and I wished I hadn't. Now I'm growing it out, my mom is annoyed. It's healthier than it ever was and she thinks I should cut it back to chin. No thank you. This makes me sad. :(

selderon
May 22nd, 2011, 10:16 PM
"Oh my GOD, Cimorene, look at all the grays in your hair! Want me to get you some hair dye?"
Cimorene? Like Cimorene of Dealing with Dragons? :D


(tried to read the bible and got so depressed and rage filled toward men that i couldnt function for months, the wrathful thoughts i had toward men who were christians were something so terrible that in order to not feel the urge to harm men i had to just tell myself that there must not be a christian god, or a jewish god as the part i read was the old testament.. dont ask me which parts because if i have to look them up again i get swept away by hatred again.. and i dont want to be filled with hate every single day)
Sweet girl, I'm so sorry about that. Certain parts of the Old Testament are very difficult. Judges gave me some of the worst trouble. Please PM me if you decide you'd like to talk about it.

Um, back to hair...
Mom seemed to like long hair okay, but she didn't really know what to do with it. She sort of had this combat approach to hair. LOL Something in her upbringing taught her that hair must be kept out of the face (read away from it) and neatly contained. She couldn't stand long bangs, loose hair, etc. I kinda get that.

Dad never says much about anyone's appearance. I get the feeling he notices, but he's much more interested in what's going on inside your head.

DH loves long hair, but he defines long as BSL. He was sort of frightened when I mused aloud that I might like to grow it waist length or longer. Loudly frightened. He did the same thing when I showed him those titanium hair forks. Apparently it's okay to have hair ornaments that are large and brightly colored, but they must not stand away from the head because that's just screaming for attention. :rolleyes: I'm beginning to wonder if this doesn't stem from some desire for social camouflage.

We'll see what he thinks when my hair passes BSL. I'd bet money he will like it at waist length. :D

Misti
May 23rd, 2011, 12:32 PM
ha, yes. Y'know, I dress like a weirdo and am relatively fat and my hair hasn't been cut in over a year.

Obviously not everyone is going to be into my personal aesthetic.

And that is completely OK. I don't ask people how they feel about XYZ things I'm into either. I don't need their permission. :D

I agree completely, elbow chic. I do think, though, that it takes a certainly amount of time being an adult to get there.

Or it did for me, anyway. I must have been 40 before what my parents thought had literally had no effect on me. Before that, I did it my way, but there was a silent battle going on in my head whenever I did something I knew they wouldn't like...like keep my hair long, my body plump, and enjoing all my multitude of other wicked ways. :p

SparrowFlock
May 23rd, 2011, 01:01 PM
I have never asked my parents what they thought about my hair, but whenever I start thinking out loud about cutting it short, my dad just says, "Don't cut your hair, it looks good long!" He is the type of person who believes that women look best with long hair. My mom understands both views; short hair is just plain easier to keep out of the way and is nice in hot weather, but long hair is good too if you like it. I never get people telling me to cut my hair, I always instead get people telling me to not cut my hair!
Also, I live in a place where how you where your hair is never an issue. Long hair isn't actually that uncommon around here. Maybe its the climate.

Deborah
May 23rd, 2011, 01:11 PM
I don't much care whether other folks like my hair long or not. I figure they can love or hate any look they want to. I think dreads are ugly, but I wouldn't say so to a person wearing them. I assume they like their hair that way. I figure live and let live.

Sisko
May 23rd, 2011, 01:11 PM
I'm with spidermom and Bene on this.

My family likes long hair, but not extreme lengths, and they make that clear without my asking them. My sister has outright refused to be seen with me if I wear my hair out. In those instances, I do whatever we had planned to do by myself. Other than that, they appear more fascinated than disgusted, even when voicing their disapproval. I've received plenty of the old "why don't you cut?" but these comments don't bother me. Everyone has their own preferred aesthetic.

However, I do seek their validation in one area of my life, and one only - my choice of partner, I'm sad to say. Perhaps this is because I otherwise value their opinion, they are all dear to me and I want them to be able to spend some time together. Still getting there, in terms of being an adult. We'll get there. You are the person who has to live with your choices. One day, they may not be around, but you will, and so will the outcome of what you have chosen for yourself.

Bene
May 23rd, 2011, 01:35 PM
I mentioned this thread to my b/f. His response (not to anyone in particular, just in general)

"If the only reason she has to grow her hair long is to get adoration, tell her to wear a push up bra instead"


He has a bit of a headache and he's kind of cranky, but I can see where he's coming from. Grow your hair for yourself and stop asking people what they think about it.

CrisDee
May 23rd, 2011, 01:57 PM
Jojo, you totally do NOT look horse-faced in your avatar! Now myself, OTOH, I admit that long hair does make my long face look even more so, but I don't give a rodent's fuzzy derriere. :D

To the OP: one thing I'm surprised no one has mentioned yet - some people are truly, genuinely skeeved by long hair, the way others are by spiders or mice, gives 'em the running heebie geebies. I don't know why, and it makes absolutely no sense to me, I just know that it is. Maybe your mother's thinking is more along that line than an approval/disapproval issue. :shrug:

jujube
May 23rd, 2011, 02:07 PM
After I had dreadlocks for a year and a half, my family got over my hair. My parents have only expressed a preference for my natural haircolor "instead of trying to be a redhead" (I henna).

BabyRay33
May 23rd, 2011, 03:55 PM
My mother when I was a kid had long hair, anywhere from waist length to hip. I loved it. Mine wasn't that long, maybe about mid back, when my parents split up. My paternal grandmother immediately chopped my hair, despite my protests, into a chin length bob.

I have had varying lengths anywhere from a pixie cut to APL, but this is the first time I've really committed to growing it.

If I was to ask my father for his opinion, which I wouldn't, he would definitely tell me to cut it, since my hair and my mother's hair are almost exactly alike... the resemblance would be too much for him, and I already have enough trouble with him mistaking me for her.... long story. But I don't really see him.

My grandmother (paternal) who cut my hair a long time ago, ALWAYS makes comments...ALWAYS unsolicited...that I should cut it. I saw her for mothers day and I saw her eying it up and started to say something about a hair cut...and I changed the subject.

They all have this stigma about it since my mother had long hair.

What's funny is now my mother has a pixie. LOL. But I've convinced her to grow it back out.

TheBluffs
May 23rd, 2011, 04:33 PM
My cousin openly dislikes my hair, with her trying to cut it once as I remeber.. My mum loves my hair, and my dad doesn't like it either, as he claims it 'takes to much time'.

Mrspuddinhead
May 23rd, 2011, 04:44 PM
No, I do not have that problem. I've recently decided that if my hair doesn't look like what I expect it to hip length I'd cut it quite short. My husband on the other hand has other ideas. He views long hair on a woman to be feminine, beautiful, and sexy. He is part of the reason I'm growing my hair hip length, perhaps longer.

Messyhair
May 23rd, 2011, 04:51 PM
My grandmother is always telling me never to cut my hair. :) She loves it long, but I don't think my parents are as loving of it - my mom especially. I think she'd be happy if I stopped growing where I am, but that's not going to happen.

Everyone I talk to IRL thinks that extra long hair is odd and they also think I'm odd for wanting it. haha! I am odd, but for many other reasons. :p

gthlvrmx
May 23rd, 2011, 05:12 PM
I really don't care about people's remarks, i think all sorts of hairstyles look great. I love the shaven look on african american woman :) I love the floor length look on anyone, i love the mohawk on anyone :)
It doesn't matter what they say, it's all up to me.

Amraann
May 23rd, 2011, 06:06 PM
My mother long deceased liked long hair as she had very long hair in her early twenties and mine was kept mid-thigh when I was a child.
Truth be told she would probably make snide comments even though she liked long hair because she was a rotton B like that and from the time she split with my father she was always saying nasty things to my sister and I.

Both my grandmothers loved my long hair.
My father thinks all women should have long hair.
My husband LOVES my hair.
Most of my friends do as well. My one friend who is much much older then I loves to tell me about how when she was in her twenties and thirties had long flowing hair and adores mine. She tells me to never cut it.
I do have two friends that make comments. One I think believes that hair longer then waist is too long because she tells me to trim it. (actually she has stopped commenting because I ignore her)

Another friend who is much much older then hubby and I told me it was stringy. Very odd since he had always complimented before.
We had just gotten back from the beach! On that same visit he actually stirred some problems between hubby and I behind my back.
I later learned that he was having some serious problems with his own wife so I think he was in woman hating mode and he was also going through some pretty severe health issues. Like I said he is much much older then us.. SO I have forgiven those comments at least as best as I can.

fiğrildi
November 15th, 2014, 01:35 PM
Reviving this thread!

Today I told to my parents about my wish to grow my hair as long as I can, and my mum said it would be "disgusting", "low-class" and "vulgar". While my dad said "only gypsies wear long hair"... they also made a nasty comment involving hair and toilet :disgust:

If only non-LHC people would be able to see the beauty of really long hair... I still want to grow to knee length, even more than before. I really don't understand why is it so weird and socially unacceptable, to have hair longer than waist/hip (the stigma is much worse for men, where even shoulder length is seen as dirty and low-class). Even if it's healthy, clean and well-maintained... most of times, much healthier, cleaner and better maintained than the majority of "mainstream" heads of shorter hair out there. It's so sad to be criticised just out of ignorance, or just because you don't go with the crowd to look like everybody else. Where I live, long and natural/virgin hair is seen as ugly, vulgar (see this: http://spd.fotolog.com/photo/61/34/3/meviieneelroy00/1302884578574_f.jpg) and "gypsy-ish" (considering gypsies as dirty and slang people: very racist connotations)... while bleached and artificial hair (the more artificial, the better, it seems!) is seen as pretty and fashionable.

I hope I'll be able to shut some mouths one day. I used to see very long hair as beautiful, but now I also see it as a statement: I follow my own rules, and I don't care what other people may think about my appearance :)

jacqueline101
November 15th, 2014, 01:59 PM
I don't get why people want fake hair that's bleached and permed. I think it's sad when you know someone is trying to grow out their hair and you're hurtful towards them. My thought is if you don't like a particular persons hair don't say anything.

Sarahlabyrinth
November 15th, 2014, 02:03 PM
Hmmm.
When I began growing my hair long, my mother (frequently and without my asking her opinion) would tell me that I should cut it short, that I was too old to have long hair, that it didn't suit me, and why didn't I go to the hairdresser like she does and get a nice perm and set?

My sisters told me (again uninvited) that I look like a hippie and a witch (when I wore my hair loose). When I wore it up they said it was so unflattering having hair "scraped back off my face with no softness".

My big brother, God bless him, would just smile from time to time and give my braid a gentle tug.

I have long ago given up taking any notice of what my family say about my hair. No- one else would ever make such rude remarks.

Recently my mother saw my hair loose and remarked that it was really pretty and looked like it was from a shampoo commercial, and asked why I don't wear it loose more often, since it is looking so lovely?

She has changed her mind about my hair. So your mother may do as well - or she may not. You can choose to ignore negative remarks about your appearance.

askan
November 15th, 2014, 02:22 PM
I think my parents like seing me in longer hair.. I have my natural colour for the first time in 10 years and I think it reminds them of when I was a kid and had pretty long natural hair. But they wouldnt think long hair on my brothers would be a good idea so they're obviously not all for it..

Nique1202
November 15th, 2014, 02:23 PM
My mom always kept my hair above the shoulders while I was growing up, because it was too hard to deal with and I'd always get stuff stuck in it, and she had armpit/shoulderblade length hair when she was younger but cut it all off after I was born because it was too much work for her to maintain her hair and take care of a child and work. Now, seeing how little time and effort I actually put into my hair and seeing how healthy long hair can be and all the pretty styles, she's started growing hers out from the pixie she's been sporting for most of the last twenty-odd years.

I don't know if she'll share my goals (my current plan is "until it starts getting on my nerves") but it's possible for people to change the way they think about hair when they see the potential good in it, instead of just thinking of it as "too much work" and "so much damage" and whatever else. And if somebody, even a family member, still disagrees with you or harasses you about getting it cut... well, it's your hair and you're taking care of it, so it's really none of their business.

lapushka
November 15th, 2014, 02:39 PM
It's pretty easy around here, in terms of acceptance. My mom doesn't go to the hairdresser either, and cuts it herself (Feye's). She also cuts my hair (compact cut). My dad is always puzzled as to why we don't go to the hairdresser, after all he goes to get his hair cut every time. :D But anyway, even my mom has some difficulty accepting really long lengths. When I told her TBL was my goal she didn't believe I meant it. Then classic came up, and she said "you have got to be kidding". She takes care of all my hair (disability) so... yeah... I will stop growing when it gets annoying for her to tend to. I have to, because I have no choice in the matter. Luckily she's on board with the classic by Christmas 2015 challenge (I told her about it). And so... yeah. It might get uncomfortable for me along the way, and then I will have it cut back. There's no other option. :) At least I'll have tried, right? :)

Entangled
November 15th, 2014, 03:05 PM
My mom is against ratty, highly tapered long hair. That's most of the extra long hair she sees. I, on the other hand, have seen beautiful long hair and desire it. She's already mentioned to me that I need to donate my hair again. She's willing to listen to my desires, though, provided my hair is kempt. However, she has no idea I want hair long enough to sit on. I don't plan on bringing it up. When I have it, I'll have it. However, it is a little tricky to balance what she likes vs what I like and not look like a hair fanatic. She has also asked others when they're going to donate, and didn't seem to find that rude. (She can be blunt, and speaks her mind.) She's actually growing it out for the first time since I've known her. She has lovely, silky fine hair, but that makes it tricky to handle.

Puffer Fish
November 15th, 2014, 03:14 PM
My mom only hates the concept of long hair because she had thick, wavy, shoulder length hair and wasn't taught how to take care of it right so it was a nightmare. She's always telling me to cut mine short so as to prevent suffering, although I'm suffering with short hair!

I've never asked my dad his opinion on long hair, but he also had APL length hair after high school until he joined the army, though I only believe it because there are pictures! :bigeyes:
His hair is straighter and thinner than my mom's so I doubt he had as many problems with it.

My grandma also had shoulder length, wavy, thick hair and now she, like my mom, gets it cut into a pixie of some kind. She suggests I cut to pixie and let it grow out to "see what length I like". How about no? Just...no. Never again.

Nadine <3
November 15th, 2014, 03:49 PM
I actually asked my mom what she thought of long hair just for this thread and because I was curious. She doesn't really care either way but she does not like it when she sees long hair that is obviously not cared for very well.

I guess the fact that I had to ask what she thought because I didn't know says a lot about our relationship. My mom will complement my hair regardless of how I have it because she's a nice lady who generally just likes seeing me happy, and I in turn don't really care whether she likes it or not. It's my hair, I have to wear it. I wouldn't buy and wear a hat I hated and I wouldn't cut my hair into a cut I didn't like either.

Mimha
November 18th, 2014, 08:39 AM
she thought very long hair was ugly today.

We were sitting in the car waiting to pick my younger brother up, and I noticed a girl with beautiful hip length hair, that looked like a natural red colour. I said to her "Wow, mom, isn't her hair gorgeous?"

Her reaction was "No! It's so ugly. I hate it." :rolleyes:

The thing is she knows I'm growing mine to tailbone length, so I wonder what she thinks of that? :p Oh well, I don't really mind because I will love my hair and that's all that matters. I just thought it was interesting to share.

Do your parents/relatives hate very long hair openly?

The people who have this kind of reaction (= they almost shut you up when you are showing admiration for somebody else) are often people who have been educated in the belief that modesty is a fundamental virtue. For them, all what is suspected to be shown off in order to attract attention is hateful and to be condemned (all the more if it's supposed to be a seducing thing, such as long hair). Very often these people have been frustrated in their own narcissism by a strict education. They could not freely experience the pleasant feeling of being admired for their own qualities. This frustration is so vivid that they end up really hating to face with somebody else's freedom to "show off", or even just to be slightly different. And instead of thinking "wow, I wish I could feel free to enjoy my hair like this person" they will condemn and behave as strict as they have suffered to be treated. And the story repeats itself...

So maybe your mother does not really hate long hair as such, but on the contrary, she fears its appealing power. And seeing long hair admired by her own daughter puts her back to some deeply subconscious painful experience of "prohibition to be herself" when she could have enjoyed to feel beautiful and admired.

browneyedsusan
November 18th, 2014, 09:20 AM
My hackles just went up.
*Steps up with milk and cookies to provide proper mothering*

You're a lovely girl, and will be a lovely girl no matter how you wear your hair. I've seen grungy hair and pretty hair. Grungy bald heads and tidy bald heads. Keep it nice, and it will look nice. There is more to you than your hair. Make classy choices and you'll be a classy lady. Hair does not make the woman. The woman makes the hair! :)

No offense intended toward your mother. I'm sure she is a wonderful person. A wonderful person that let a few hurtful words slip out. Oopsie!

Monsoonu
November 18th, 2014, 12:32 PM
Do your parents/relatives hate very long hair openly?


My mother hates my hair, its almost hip length and is straight dark brown. She constantly moans about my hair and tells me to cut it.

I have learnt to ignore her!

Redvelvetdragon
November 18th, 2014, 01:09 PM
My mother, when she was alive, loved that I have long hair. Her longest I'd ever seen was at between BSL and Waist. She had jet black hair and shortened it when she got older but only to APL. When she had to go to the hospital sometimes for health emergencies and for a stay, the nurses used to compliment her hair. And they would wash it for her and fan it out to dry and they would tell the other nurses and take turns coming in and admiring it.

My grandmother, while my mother was a young adult, had hair passed her ankles that dragged the floor. She didn't enjoy it though, it was hard to comb out. She had a cute white bob when she was much older.

So neither one had a problem with me with long hair. They encouraged it. My husband likes it long too.

I have a friend who has wavy hair. She also colors it bright red. Not like a fun kooky color, just kind of clown red. Bleh. And she keeps it no longer than the nape of her neck. A few years ago she tried to grow it longer and got to about APL and her mother said, "Oh Long hair makes you look older." So she promptly hacked it all off. I wish her mother hadn't said that, she was making good progress. :(

Undomiel
November 18th, 2014, 01:22 PM
My mother hates it :laugh:

She always tells me "Why don't you go get a trim? Take like 6 inches off or so." or "It's reaaaaallly long :\ *snarl face*". She's the only one who is vocal about it in my family though. Everyone else compliments me on it usually. I have no idea why she doesn't like long hair so much that she is that opinionated about it with me... I mean, I like her short hair on her? Weird :p

anaserenita
November 18th, 2014, 01:33 PM
I have a friend that recently went from hip length to shoulder, and wanted to go even shorter actually but her mom was not fund of it at all...

anaserenita
November 18th, 2014, 01:35 PM
My own mom however has no problem with my hair :)

AmberJewel
November 18th, 2014, 01:38 PM
I was just reading this thread when out of nowhere, my dad said that my hair had gotten really long and pretty. :) *warm fuzzies* It was down to dry. My mom thinks my hair should be straight, shiny and thick, and since it's not she thinks it should be cut. She teases me that the end of my braids look like our dog's tail-tip. I tried to explain fairy-tale ends, but I don't think she got it. Still, I know my dad and brothers love my hair long, so I'm happy! I love my long hair!

Redvelvetdragon
November 18th, 2014, 01:41 PM
I want to add that I have another friend who has natural strawberry blonde hair. She has enough hair for 3 people. She had it BSL for the longest time but decided she needed a change and chopped it to a stepped bob. It looks pretty when she comes from the salon, but she always says, "This is the best it will look but I can't get it to look like this on my own." I'm kind of confused as to why she got the cut then. She just blow dries it and it curls a little and to be honest, looks a little like pyramid hair.

She used to always (and still does) say she didn't ever do anything with the long hair. Erm, it's not like she's doing anything with it now, so I'm not sure about the logic there.

Nanna
November 18th, 2014, 02:07 PM
My mom only hates it when the ends fairytale. Otherwise she maybe likes long hair, I don't know. Weird, but I have never asked her about it..? Her grandma had long hair, maybe even classic length, but it was really thin AND fairytaling, and she always kept it braided and bunned, so mom didn't appreciate her hair so much.

My ends are thinning considerably, so I just avoid showing my hair to mom - it's bunned nearly all the time anyway, so no problem. One day I will have long and thick hair to the ends, and then I will proudly show it to her. :)

StellaKatherine
November 18th, 2014, 02:10 PM
My mom hates super long braids. She doesn't understand it. But when I make unusual braids like 5 strand ones, or more complicated updoes - she says they look beautiful.

DreamSheep
November 18th, 2014, 02:55 PM
I guess this is the perfect example of "different strokes for different folks". Different people like different things, but ultimately what matters is what you like and what you want, as long as it doesn't affect anyone else negatively.

Eastbound&Down
November 18th, 2014, 03:06 PM
I don't understand the hatred at all. I had a problem with my mom recently and it just doesn't make sense to me. Why is it necessary to make someone feel bad by telling them something about themselves is ugly?? If they are happy, why not just support them?

lapushka
November 18th, 2014, 04:23 PM
I don't understand the hatred at all. I had a problem with my mom recently and it just doesn't make sense to me. Why is it necessary to make someone feel bad by telling them something about themselves is ugly?? If they are happy, why not just support them?

Because sometimes those close to use at least *dare* tell the truth, however harsh it may come across. :flower: I appreciate that more than my mom flattering up to me and telling me my hair looks "nice".

georgia_peach
November 18th, 2014, 04:34 PM
Because sometimes those close to use at least *dare* tell the truth, however harsh it may come across. :flower: I appreciate that more than my mom flattering up to me and telling me my hair looks "nice". I have to agree, Lapushka. I don't like flattery either. But I used to be very bothered by comments that I felt were critical. Not sure why the difference now, but I empathize with you all who are getting those nasty remarks.

lapushka
November 18th, 2014, 04:39 PM
I have to agree, Lapushka. I don't like flattery either. But I used to be very bothered by comments that I felt were critical. Not sure why the difference now, but I empathize with you all who are getting those nasty remarks.

I do think there is a difference between honest truth and being downright nasty about it - that's unnecessary.