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racrane
May 2nd, 2011, 12:21 AM
I did a google image just about 5 minutes ago and typed in "long hair". What popped up? Mostly celebrities with hair dyed, most of it extensions and fried. It made me so sad. People generally have no idea what healthy, pretty hair is anymore. It's kind of like the rest of our bodies, too. It has to conform to a standard otherwise it's not beautiful. I realize hair is not the big picture, it just made me realize how warped I am in my thinking, all the way to my hair. It's like I"m being crazy just for being me. If I don't paint my nails, wear makeup, curl my hair a certain way - I'm not beautiful. I'm so sick of it! Part of my hair journey here is to embrace who I am. I have had body issues in the past and strangely enough, hair is healing. I feel like going back to my roots (hah) makes me feel whole again. I don't know why. Anyone who feels this way?

I've talked to some of my college friends and they're all horrified I don't use heat or color. "Don't you hate your color?" or a question that makes me angry is "Normal hair color is never pretty. Pretty hair is often from the bottle." I don't know how to respond except "I like being me." Or to that effect. And then they get all upset at that - I'm not accusing them of not being who they are, but they take it that way.

Hair is one part of who we are. It's obviously a huge deal to us - otherwise they're wouldn't be a long hair community and wanting to take care of it. I'm afraid to insult people, but I would like to educate them in some small way, if nothing else showing them I like who I am and that it's okay to be so.

Is it just me who feels this way? I suppose I really wanted to get a feel for what people are thinking and also to get this off my chest. My hair is important to me, to express who I am - natural, healthy and happy. People get so offended by this, I don't understand why! I never criticize anyone's hair choices (since we're talking about hair, but really anything I would never voice an opinion on). But if they ask what I do for my hair, I tell them. Then they get upset on me and I'm left behind, feeling queasy that they feel this way.

Reading the thread, I realize I talk too much, and am all over the place. Do I make sense at all? I would LOVE to read everyone's opinions and thoughts on this - everyone is encouraged to speak their minds! I more just want to get a broader perspective on this. I've read similar threads but I really wanted to say this and get it off my chest! I'll be quiet now!

ravenreed
May 2nd, 2011, 12:28 AM
If it makes you upset, don't tell them what you do for your hair. The likelihood that you will find people who understand is pretty small. I think friends only listen to me because I have grown my hair out longer than most in my circle. As for not coloring your hair, lots of people like their own hair color. There is nothing wrong with that. I happen to like coloring mine and have done so most of my life. There is nothing wrong with that either. I think there is something wrong with telling someone what they should be doing with the hair on their own head, however, unless specifically asked! So, ignore what you can, and do what you want.

caiti42
May 2nd, 2011, 12:43 AM
People reject the unfamiliar. ie not dying hair, using hair tools etc. Particularly at your age when its still all about fitting in.

As I've gotten older my thought pattern is changing to "who really gives a f***" if I don't fit societies mould of whats beautiful and whats perfect and whats "normal".

The most important thing is for you to be happy with your choices. And making sure they are YOUR choices and not those of others around you is a big part of growing up!

Kudos to you for doing your own thing!

Nevvie
May 2nd, 2011, 12:51 AM
There is alot there to sort through, lol. I guess I'll start with the 'normal hair color is never pretty' bit. No matter what your hair color is you can bet there's someone out there who dyes to achieve it. I used to dye my hair blonde but once I just let it just go it's natural dark brown I started to love it. It's almost the exact same color as the hair dye I used dye it back when I gave up blonde. My virgin roots are probably somewhere around my ears or so but I can't tell because it bends in so perfectly. My older sister (a natural dark blonde) is now dying her hair monthly to achieve what I thought of as my 'plain dark brown'. Trust me, if you go into any chain pharmacy there will be 100+ shades of hair dye and at least a handful will be near your own color. People are obviously buying it to dye that hair color or it wouldn't be on the shelf. So 'normal' hair color not being pretty is just flat out false.

Pretty much the same goes for heat styling. Whether your hair is straight, wavy, curly, afro'd or whatever, there is someone out there spending time and money to get their hair that way. I straighten my curly hair (trying to break that habit) but actually prefer it when it's slightly wavy. My older sister who has those perfect oh so slight waves however prefers deep braid waves or stick straight. My straight haired mother used to perm her hair to get curl and body. My youngest Aunt actually prefers the frizzy look. She thinks it makes her (already extremely thick) hair look thicker. Whatever you may have, millions of women are trying to emulate.

People generally want you to agree with them so they can feel secure that they're right. By doing things differently than they do you're basically saying that their way is NOT always right. Some of us can handle that and realize that the world is full of different people with different wants, needs and opinions and some of us just get offended. Your best bet would be to try to avoid discussing certain topics (hair, politics, religion w/e) with people you know can't handle differing opinions.

sharicat
May 2nd, 2011, 03:19 AM
I think I know what you mean. Fashion and beauty now seems dominated by fakeness - fake hair, nails, eyelashes, tans.. the list goes on, and so-called celebrities have made it the norm. I hate it. I try to be natural in my approach to my appearance because I think that's really unusual now. I don't dye my hair as I love the colour, and I figure I'll do enough dying when I'm older and trying to cover grey! :p

terpentyna
May 2nd, 2011, 04:31 AM
Come on, you know it's better to stand out in this way...

winterlights
May 2nd, 2011, 05:02 AM
I started dying my hair since I was 12 years old and began to use my mum straightner. When I was 14 years old I started to dye my hair black. After a few years of dying my hair and contanstly straightening and blow drying my hair (which is naturually curly and fragile) my hair was so horrible. It took me 3 years to grow out completely and my hair felt so much better being my natural colour, although I did not wear my natural curls enough. In 2009, I had long hair, and was aiming to have it to about my belly button and almost got there. Then when I wanted to get a hair trim, I asked the hair dresser how much I needed cut off and yep- a lot off, due to the damage from the heat. My hair was then up to just above my shoulders. I then started putting rinses in my hair and then semi-permanent black, purples, dark browns, and then they faded and this year decided to go blond because I thought the change would some how make myself look better or feel better about myself (well- I was defiantly wrong!). My hair is disgusting! it breaks off so easily, feels like straw... I have now decided im going to embrace my natural hair again, stop looking at pictures of famous people or compare how I look to other people and will no longer desire to change my hair to "look better". I decided to look up videos on youtube about having healthy long hair and found http://www.youtube.com/user/Loepsie and some how made my way here. I am going to embrace my natural hair colour once again, try and get it back to being healthy and wear it curly more often! and get my hair back down to my belly button and beyond. I have always been one for being myself, sometimes it is hard to feel beautiful in your own way, but who care about other people or what famous people do to their hair... I would rather have healthy hair, than try to look like someone else. And if I decide to dye my hair again, I would only use rinses, as I a defiantly miss having black hair or dark brown hair... wasted so much money going blonde! So yeh, do what you want, your an individual, and you are beautiful in your own way :)

noelgirl
May 2nd, 2011, 07:12 AM
"Don't you hate your color?" - what kind of question is that? It's a sad commentary on what's expected of women, that we're expected to dislike that which we're given naturally. Certain types of maintenance (some painful) have become compulsory, but then it's framed as "don't you want to pamper yourself?" It's not treating yourself if it's not you you're doing it for. My reaction to this is a lot like my reaction to "you should cut your hair" - if I wanted to, I would. I'm not unfamiliar with the concept. It's an insult to my intelligence to suggest that I am.

spitfire511
May 2nd, 2011, 07:14 AM
People generally want you to agree with them so they can feel secure that they're right. By doing things differently than they do you're basically saying that their way is NOT always right. Some of us can handle that and realize that the world is full of different people with different wants, needs and opinions and some of us just get offended. Your best bet would be to try to avoid discussing certain topics (hair, politics, religion w/e) with people you know can't handle differing opinions.


Come on, you know it's better to stand out in this way...

Both of these things! How better to be uniquely you! When I was in school and people would tell me that I was 'weird' I'd respond with, "Really? Thank you." :) and a great big smile.

If you're talking to someone who has straightened and dyed hair, chances are they don't want to hear about how much you love your natural hair. So gloss over it if you want to keep the peace.

And sometimes even better - I've stopped spending time with people that I have to work that hard with. If they can't handle that I don't do what they do, I have better places to be.

:blossom: hugs to you and I'm so glad that you've found things you love about yourself and make you feel like the beautiful person you are. Hang on to those and to heck with everyone else. :D

celebriangel
May 2nd, 2011, 08:20 AM
Oh, I so agree with this post! It gives me great hope to see someone doing exactly what they want, and being happy with their natural hair self! So often I think people don't even feel like they're *allowed* to do things differently, much less *want* to.

To take an example, I don't shave any part of my body. To be honest, if the process were not painful and difficult for me (my skin goes into terrible rashes and spots if I try, with ingrown hairs everywhere), I probably still would. But instead, I have learned to accept myself the way I was made, and love it, and not care that other people may think I am disgusting and dirty (I have actually been told this by strangers and friends; it is very odd, because, er, I'm not dirty. I still wash, people.)

I would love to like my own hair colour, but I struggle because I don't think it suits me at all, I think it is bland and mousy and grayish, whereas my skin suits warm, rich colours in clothes and hair. But I am transitioning to henna, which is more natural so I feel better about it - I feel it adds to and warms my natural colour, rather than obliterating it and replacing it with something fake. I'm also growing out a few inches of virgin hair to see how I feel about it now, with LHC love and care, but I think I will always wish to be red. I'm just thankful there is a way to do this in a happy and healthy way.

Go you! In the long run, you will receive respect and admiration for standing your ground, being your beautiful self and knowing what you want. I saw a woman the other day, she looked like an older hippy with body hair all over, a long blue dress I think she made herself, and waist-length black hair with lots of grey streaks in a peacock twist. She also had wrinkles and no makeup, and was totally not "traditionally" beautiful, but something about her took my breath away. It is amazing to see someone who is totally natural and happy that way, and it has its own kind of beauty which is unique to every person, not mass-produced the way many people I see look with the same hair and the same clothes. I want to be beautiful like *me*, not like every other person on campus (I was so furious when a hairdresser gave me a "fashionable" cut to APL - I looked like every other 18-25 year old woman I walked past that day!)

Keep the faith. You know the happiness that comes from loving yourself, and they don't yet - perhaps never will, which is very sad, but they might learn if enough people show the way. :cheese:

racrane
May 2nd, 2011, 08:26 AM
Thanks everyone who responded! My theater major girls and I got into talking about beauty yesterday while preparing for a show in the dressing room. That's how we got onto the topic. Yes, I definitely learned my lesson. I'd rather not talk about things that make me upset unless asked. But I'm enjoying reading your opinions on this. :) Thanks!

Venefica
May 2nd, 2011, 08:28 AM
I dye my hair, I do not hate my natural hair color, it is a deep golden blond which is actually rather pretty however I am a goth and I feel more comfortable with black hair. I have wanted black hair since I was a little girl and in my own image of my body I have black hair. My hair is healthy though as I do not bleach it, nor use heated products.

I think many do follow fashions, especially celebrities who make their living off their appearance, many in turn then color their hair to follow the celebrities, however not everyone who dye their hair do so because they are following some fad, some do so because a different color often can fit their personality and style better than the one they where born with.

Xandergrammy
May 2nd, 2011, 08:33 AM
People reject the unfamiliar. ie not dying hair, using hair tools etc. Particularly at your age when its still all about fitting in.

As I've gotten older my thought pattern is changing to "who really gives a f***" if I don't fit societies mould of whats beautiful and whats perfect and whats "normal".

The most important thing is for you to be happy with your choices. And making sure they are YOUR choices and not those of others around you is a big part of growing up!

Kudos to you for doing your own thing!


caiti42, I couldn't have said this better myself. I just wish it didn't take me 50 years to get to this point! It would have saved a lot of heart ache over the years! :gabigrin:

celebriangel
May 2nd, 2011, 09:01 AM
I don't want to hijack the thread, but I've just realised something lovely. Since making the decision to switch from dye to henna, I like my natural colour. Maybe not love - maybe not in the way that I actually want to wear it - but my light ash brown virgin hair means that, on me, henna should turn out a lovely warm red-auburn. I haven't tried it yet - just contacted Nightshade/Nightblooming to see if she'll make one of her lovely herb and henna mixes for me - but every day, the more roots that grow, the happier I am that they are there and that they will make a lovely henna base colour :D

Curlyg27
May 2nd, 2011, 09:31 AM
Really well written post.

I just find in my life that long hair is almost like a taboo. Like, it is "too long" if past mid back and you should chop it off and donate it...like there is something else to do with long hair if it is long rather than just...keep it. So I say, why not donate something of yours you love? Like your car to charity? Don't force people to do things with hair (or anything they are happy with for that matter) just because it falls outside the norm!!

And I just can not stand those pressure tactics to donate long hair. There are other ways to donate. But sorry, getting off topic.

elbow chic
May 2nd, 2011, 10:11 AM
yeah, the current hollywood style is really uninspiring imo. Both boringly conformist and just not that pretty.

Or maybe I'm just gittin to be an old fart who doesn't get it. :hmm:

Jean Stuart
May 2nd, 2011, 10:24 AM
I have never been into dye, too much upkeep. As I have grown older I like my color more and more. Probably because my children have the very same color.

racrane
May 2nd, 2011, 10:25 AM
Elbow chic: you're not an old fart! And I am uninspired by celebrities nowadays, too. I just feel that people have NO idea what is beautiful anymore. Beautiful is always an unachievable goal, it seems. And yeah, everyone who has long hair I know right now gets pressure to donate it. To me, people shouldn't stick their noses in other's business. I'm happy with who I am, thank you very much.

Deciding to go natural, grow my hair long has been very healing to me. It's a rejection of what society tells women they need to look like. I've come to the point where I feel pretty, happy and content. I never felt this way before: pretty and myself. I just wish other girls my age felt this way. I remember about five years ago my little cousin (in her tweens) dyed her hair blond because she felt she had to to fit in with all the other girls in her class. They were all dying their hair so she wanted to, too. I was so sad, and especially that her mother saw nothing wrong with it. She felt so much pressure at age 9. Very frustrating. I never said anything but I'll remember it

I wish more people could accept who they are and be happy with it. I urge other people to feel this way as well. Hair is just one aspect of who we are but it's a great start, I think. I'm SO glad the people who have commented understand how I feel. It reassures me.

KatiSasha
May 2nd, 2011, 10:39 AM
I completely agree with you disagreeing about the world :) Women put themselves and their hair through unnecessary things just to please guess who? Other women!! because it is their approval that is sought. Men could care less about our hair color as long as we are comfortable and confident wearing it. So all of this nonsense is for the other ladies, who tend to revel in their own insecurities.

Congrats of breaking the cycle! You are your own person and you should celebrate it. Also, I think that the shorter hairstyles for older women became the norm after all the damaging hair color and styling tools came into the picture. Women could no longer keep their locks after frying them for decades so they started cutting. So rejoice in knowing that your hairstyle at any age will be your choice based on preference and not the condition of your hair.

BTW, how beautiful does Jane Seymour looks with her long hair and she's 60, when most women don't dare to wear it long. Also - Demi Moore, whose interview said that she stopped styling (except for special occasions) and dying her hair long ago and loves the natural long look. Not all celebrities are there to influence you in a wrong way :)

growingpains
May 2nd, 2011, 10:41 AM
I think that as women living in today's world we are bombarded by how we 'should' be. Be thin, be blonde - or some other popular color, be straight haired, wear makeup, shave, have big boobs, a small waist, etc.

We need to remember that as common as it is to buy into any of the above given beauty myths, and as deeply culturally entrenched though they are, they are just that: myths. Moreover, each of the above imperatives can directly be traced to living in a capitalist society. People make big bucks off women thinking they are too fat, too flat chested, too ugly, too pale (or too dark skinned in some countries), too short haired, too curly haired, blah, blah. Anyhoo, the point is industry profits enormously from the emphasis on all those things.

It's also worth noting that each of these image focused things impact women much more than men (though increasingly less so). As women we have a long list of 'musts' and 'shoulds' and to break away from the norm often results in social sanctioning and having negative values attributed to this. This is wrong and its why feminism is still very important. We shouldn't have to fit the mold to feel ok about ourselves.

All that said, it's damn hard to walk away from cultural norms and to break the mold.

Take growing armpit hair for example. Despite the great extent to which I understand the beauty myth, etc, I cannot bring myself to do this. To do so almost feels threatening. I don't quite know why, but I suspect it's tied into why the OP's friends find it hard to accept going natural with their hair.

At the end of the day, though, as women (or men) we are free to express ourselves however we like. If people genuinely enjoy what is culturally normative, power to them and I hope they dig it. I just also hope there is an awareness that we don't necessarily need to fit into stereotypes to be beautiful, and, at the end of the day, beauty is from within anyways and all external beauty fades.

talecon
May 2nd, 2011, 10:45 AM
a friend of mine and I were actually discussing not too long ago how its a little odd that its the norm to cut your hair. If humans never cut their hair it would probably be 2 times or maybe even 3 times our height and I understand that could be an inconvenience but we would look like a completely different race if we never cut our hair. My friend said everyone would look like wizards lol. Another unrelated thing that erks me is jeans. I hate jeans - they're not even comfy but its the 'normal' thing to wear :/

lapushka
May 2nd, 2011, 12:05 PM
I did a google image just about 5 minutes ago and typed in "long hair". What popped up? Mostly celebrities with hair dyed, most of it extensions and fried. It made me so sad. People generally have no idea what healthy, pretty hair is anymore.

I think they do, well some people do, but Hollywood is a business like any other, and wants and needs to make money like any other. It's naive to assume otherwise. There's an entire team of stylists and beauticians, and... what have you, surrounding celebrities, and all these people, they need to stay busy too and they need to do what needs to be done; they need to show that they can do what they've been trained to do. The whole thing is a well-oiled machine, is an industry. Once you realize that, it's not that hard not to hold yourself to this fake and totally fabricated "standard". There's no comparing yourself to a Hollywood made icon. It's just a different type of beauty. Man-made versus natural.

Going to a hair salon is one of the after effects of (being influenced by) Hollywood. Of course there are women wanting the new hair cut, the new color, the "insertcelebname" style. Salons promote hair color like it's a change of clothing. I'm not against hair dye, not at all, but twenty, thirty years ago, it was used on women who were going gray. These days teens and twenty-somethings start dyeing their hair as if it's nothing, changing it up a lot, and it's not as if dyes have become healthier, either.

If you want to or go against that trend, trends in general, or against what's in style or advertised in women's magazines, you're the odd one out, the oddball. And of course you're not. Who says you have to wear this, cut your hair like that? No one can force you if that's not what you want, and ultimately it's about what you want and about what makes you feel great, pretty, comfortable in your own skin, and no, you don't have to explain your choices to anybody.

Slinks
May 2nd, 2011, 02:24 PM
Some people do dye their hair the same colour as the colour they have .. for a shinier sleeker look and commonly gray coverage :-)

amaiaisabella
May 2nd, 2011, 03:37 PM
I did a google image just about 5 minutes ago and typed in "long hair". What popped up? Mostly celebrities with hair dyed, most of it extensions and fried. It made me so sad. People generally have no idea what healthy, pretty hair is anymore.

To be fair, you are kinda criticizing here :flower: And that's fine, so long as you recognize that there are people who feel the opposite who will criticize what you do. As you have, since you've experienced it firsthand.

It's not up to us to say what is or isn't beautiful. Hair coloring, extensions, straightening- these things certainly aren't healthy for our hair, but everyone's hair reacts differently. I know people who color their hair once a month/every other month, and their hair is more healthy than a friend of mine who rips her natural, never dyed or straightened hair with a nubby brush every day. We have members here who dye their hair and have "model" heads of hair, whatever you define model to be. YMMV, and all that.

Certainly the most prolific heads of hair will be the ones most often in the spotlight, i.e., those of celebrities. That's not to say their hair is any better or worse than ours (and again, there are degrees- for example, Sofia Vargara has TDF hair, IMO!) Just recognize what works for you (which can be a harder task than it appears! It took me years to figure out which hair color/style/etc. are best for my face shape) and go with that. Can't go wrong there ;)

dragonchickx
May 2nd, 2011, 03:44 PM
so true I agree.. I cut out the last bit of my highlights last time, I am much happier with my natural color. i wish more of us would go natural, that way we can appreciate eachother for who we actually are, plus it would be better for the environment. :D

racrane
May 2nd, 2011, 04:21 PM
It's not so much that I'm criticizing people who dye their hair. I'm upset people do it because that's what society dictates us that's what's beautiful. I really believe if you want to play around with your hair (which I have) it's a wonderful thing to do. Just don't do it because society says that's how it should be done. That's what I'm so frustrated about.

spidermom
May 2nd, 2011, 04:40 PM
I found LHC when I googled "long hair."

racrane
May 2nd, 2011, 05:34 PM
Well, I did find LHC, but not on google images, though. Mostly celebrities and models popped up on the images, which is kind of normal.

amaiaisabella
May 2nd, 2011, 05:43 PM
Hm, maybe I'm a bit naive but I think society dictates only to a certain extent, like saying straight hair is "in", but not telling you straightening with a flat iron* is in, if that makes sense. If hair coloring is in, then if you so desire to be "up with the times" or whatever the term is, then you can use henna, cassia, indigo, buxus, honey lightening, and so on. Society may tell us the end result, but it's how you get there (if you even desire to) that makes the difference.

*Magazines may advertise straight irons, for example, but writers are only limited by what they do or do not know. I don't think they're saying coloring until your hair is trashed or straightening until you can see each and every split end is the way to do it, just that, for a lot of people, this is what looks good, and this is how they know to get it.

Malibu Barbie
May 2nd, 2011, 06:23 PM
I have always loved dyeing my hair for fun in the early days. It was dress up for us musicians. Did I do it for anyone but me? Nope, it was all for me and I had a blast doing it. I wore lots of crazy makeup also. Now, I can't say we were all very beautiful:eyebrows: most ran in the other direction but it was fun.

I have never been pressured as you say by the media. I do dye my hair but its because I like to. I do wear makeup sometimes. I don't feel pressured in any way by others to do anything I do. I walk to my own beat.

I'm the stereotype blonde skinny girl. Some of us are born this way and shouldn't have to feel guilty about it either.

I was a natural toe head until I hit my 40's. I think in the early days I made myself ugly because I was so tired of people being cruel because I was "Pretty and blonde" (Thinking I had it made).

I wish people would stop worrying about others and just do what makes you happy. If natural works for you great!!

If you want to be crazy with all the color you can, go for it!!

Niether way is right or wrong we all have choices in life choose your own and leave it at that.

Dizzy_zzz
May 2nd, 2011, 07:35 PM
This thread makes me think of my English class--we're studying media literacy. Practically every aspect of our lives is controlled by the media nowadays, since the early 1900s. It's all about money. Now we're made to want more, or be more, because from a young age we are taught that that is the way we are supposed to be by the media, and the big, money-hungry corporations behind the media. So, like the good little consumers we are, we read the magazines, watch the shows, see the advertisements, and are brainwashed into thinking in a certain way. They say "buy", we fork out the bills. That applies so much to how we perceive beauty now; the look you "want" can be bought, as long as you keep spending loads of money in order to maintain it, IMO.

Not that I'm saying dyeing your hair, etc, is wrong either. That would honestly be the height of hypocrisy if I did; I'm just saying that sometimes our reasons aren't always the right ones.

Jean Kilbourne has done a lot on the subject, you guys might be interested in looking her up. :D

2peasinapod
May 2nd, 2011, 07:45 PM
I completely agree with you. I'm not against dying or heat styling either; afterall, I dyed my hair for years. But, when I dyed my hair, I wasn't accepting my own hair. Like you, I always thought that if my hair didn't look like all those pictures, I was doing something wrong. It wasn't until I joined LHC and started fresh that I realized what the problem was. I was trying so hard to have straight, like 1a-1c F i blonde hair, and my natural texture is 2a, M, ii/iii. I honestly thought that my waves were cowlicks. :o

Now, I love my hair. To me, I feel it's just like god intended it to be. You know how beautiful nature is in it's wild state, just like god intended? Well, I think hair is the same. I don't think it's mutually exclusive with admiring other people's processed hair, though. I mean, I think we should all be able to make our own choices, and I've seen some truly stunning dyed and styled hair here, but I just think people should do those things because they like the look and not because they don't know what natural hair looks like.

Sorry if that's a bit long winded. I support both views because I support choice. I just think that there's not really a lot of acceptance (or knowledge) of natural hair care in the mainstream, and that's just a shame.

vanillabones
May 2nd, 2011, 08:10 PM
It's not even fair really to criticize people for making unhealthy hair choices, and it's not right to stand up for them either. I would have NEVER found out how to care for my hair properly if not on LHC. Do you have a choice in a magazine on how to take care of your hair, or in the brush aisle at the store? Do they say would you like to rip your hair out with a nubby brush or would you like to go online and by a 100% boar bristle brush for a little bit more $ and take care of your hair and not rib it out so your hair can be shiny and beautiful. Yes, that is what is beautiful, not ripping your hair our with a nubby brush, that's not beautiful. But we aren't given the CHOICE. I had no idea of what brushes to use. I thought only MEN used combs. My mother only ripped through my rat's nests as a child with nubby brushes and we weren't allowed to buy the soft bristle ones. I've never read in a magazine how to properly comb or brush or how to handle your hair in the shower or that straightening irons and using a blowdryer everyday without a heat protect-ant (I didn't even know heat protect-ants existed) was the reason my ends were stringy and tangly and I had no idea how to cure that because the magazines would just say to do it more or buy more products (it is the media they want your money not your hair health!) I had no idea that you should clarify your hair if you use cones. I've never clarified in my life and used cones straight for yearrrssss. I was even shocked to learn to detangle from the bottom-up. I was taught to rip through from the top down.

So let's not assume it was all common sense. For most people this is what we are taught. I wasn't given the option to have badly taken cared for ripped broken damaged essentially UGLY hair. Ugly being compared to what it could be like when taken care of gently and naturally which is the true route to beauty. Of course hair color, some heat/ironing etc. is still beautiful on some people, it all depends how they do it. You can have beautiful box colored bottle hair but it's not beautiful if you fry it to oblivion and walk around with a head of splits.

For the first time in my life I WANT my natural color and want to embrace it and feel natural and pretty - saving money by doing so is just a bonus. Anyone can look pretty with their natural hair color since it is meant for you and to match naturally. You can always choose another pretty color I'm just saying natural is always safe and you will always be beautiful for it. For the first time in my life I actually feel like 'pretty' is an achievable goal, and not only that, but for my fine hair that long hair can also be an achievable goal, thanks to LHC. I really love it here. Everything just makes sense for once. I feel so much better about myself everyday now.

AnqeIicDemise
May 2nd, 2011, 08:19 PM
No, its not just you. I come from a background of terrible binging/fasting cycles that are never healthy for me, self mutilation and absolute hatred for myself. At least that's what I used to do until recently.

Yes, I still color treat my hair and I wear make up, but I do these things because I *like* getting myself dolled up. I like feeling like the knock out I know I am. See, there's this sexy beast hiding underneath all my self-consciousness and I will let this Sexy Beast out. She just needs my help.

I've been in your shoes too. I too went through a phase where I was anti-make up/shoes/fashion/hair, what have you. And over the last nine or ten months where I have been adamant about growing healthy hair I realized that there has to be a balance in life. I spend too much time of my life going from one extreme or the other (binging, then starving, being happy and then depressed; active, then lazy. There is a theme in my life, and I suspect there is a theme in everyone's life)

Beauty is relative. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

If you like walking around without make up, bare nails and long-flowing hair, more power to you...but don't knock your friends who like doing the opposite. There is beauty in every one of us -- yes, in even Lady Gaga though she makes me gag more often than not.

I suppose that's the advice I can give you (I know it is unwarranted)-- when your friends start telling you that only pretty hair comes from a bottle, tell them beauty is relative and to you, natural beauty is more important and inspiring. Believe me, after a while, they'll leave you alone and even respect you for it.


PS:

Most of my self image issues had very little to do with the media. I can tell you that my self-loathing was NOT helped by the images of pretty hollywood starlets. My problems arose from a shallow mother who spent more time than I can count on not telling me how beautiful I was but how Fat, disgusting and stupid I was. Not that my mother was a terrible mother. It is just that her brand of pushing me to excel was NOT giving me positive reinforcement, but negative feedback. And it wasn't just my mother either, but my brother and my cousins.. and my eldest sister. I am sorry, I am not the skinny little girl my sisters were growing up. I was a heftier poundage, yes, but how MANY six year olds do you know that have B cups and almost towered at four and a half feet tall? While my mother kept telling me that I needed to lose weight because my female counterparts were barely a bit over 80 lbs, I was almost twice their height and more developed.

By the time I was in sixth grade I already had reached my adult height of five foot five and a half, had amazing 38C knockers and strangers refused to believe I was twelve years old. Yeah. I am pretty sure being almost 145lbs was a bit average for someone of my developmental stature.

My peers had more control about how much I hated myself at this point than Hollywood.

NouvelleNymphe2
May 2nd, 2011, 08:36 PM
I try to be natural in my approach to my appearance because I think that's really unusual now.

I think that natural is beautiful, and sharicat is right! Natural beauty really stands out today. If you see a beautiful natural head of hair, or if a woman with glowing natural skin passes you it's striking. It's rare, most conform. The modern beauty ideals regarding body and hair are warped, twisted and taught. Racrane I very much understand and agree with what you are saying, and I thank you for sharing your opinions. I suggest sharing your views with others that do understand or are like-minded. Perhaps that will bring you up! Though we are the minority there are lots of women who care about their hair, skin, and health in general. :)