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Pikkukala
April 20th, 2011, 09:03 AM
It's a long time since I last posted on here, but work has sent me running back here for advice/support.

I'm used to getting comments along the line of "Your hair is amazing... why don't you cut it?" from my co-workers but the last few days have gotten crazy. My hair is about halfway between tailbone and classic, and it's henna'd ginger-brown. A few days ago I had to dress up in costume (pirate!) for work where I wore a shoulder length black wig http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/album.php?albumid=7678&pictureid=100784 - which even I'll admit looked pretty amazing - the only problem? Ever since then most of the team will not drop the subject of me getting my hair cut and/or dyed - to the point that they've actually made a petition about it and stuck it up in the corridor.

The subject of dyeing my hair isn't really much of a problem - I'd been considering going darker for a few months now, and if it weren't for not having the time to try henna mixes to darken it, and being really uncertain about if I want to start using chemical dye I probably would have already. The subject of dyeing it actually splits opinions as a few people are completely against it as they like my colour, but most are encouraging me.

What is bugging me is the "cut!cut!cut!" that I'm getting from everyone - a part of me is tempted by the idea but I know I'll end up regretting it if I chop it all off like that. Depending on the person some want it how the wig was, others have a tiny bit more sense is saying keep it longer to about BSL with layers, but it's me versus everyone at the moment. Even walking off the gangway this morning to get breakfast and wifi, my friend's comment instead of the normally "have a nice day" was "get your hair cut!" - I know he means it as half-a-joke but it's just what I'm gettiing all the time.

I've tried getting people to understand that short hair like that is probably going to be a nightmare for me to maintain - at the moment I just comb it in the morning and just braid it, or twist it up in a quick bun and head off to work - and last time I got a fashionable cut back in 2005 I couldn't maintain it when I had a lot more time than I do now. Still, my arguments seem to go in one ear and out the other with some of my friends. I actually wouldn't mind taking off a couple of inches to bring it back to around tailbone, but I don't trust anyone near my hair at the moment with scissors after all of this - I know I should try self-trimming but I'm more worried incase I mess it up.

Sorry, this has turning into more a wail about hair-life at the moment than anything practical.

krissykins
April 20th, 2011, 09:11 AM
:grouphug: I'm sorry everyone else is telling you what to do with your hair. But you just gotta remember LHC's motto: I'm not here to decorate YOUR world. ;)

Celtic Morla
April 20th, 2011, 09:13 AM
Well since they aqre attcking a personal part of you time to start firing back. If someone is overeweight tell them it's time to cut a few pounds off, if they sweat it's time to apply more antiperspirant, thigns liek that. When they reply youre being rude tell them theyre doing the same thing to you. Oh and definately put petitions up agaisnt something they do and encourage everyone to sign them. Make sure you keep a copy of the one they put up for you. I get offended how people can think its OK to make comments such as you have been getting and in my mind they deserve to get a payback so they can experience it. If someowears too much makeup that cna be targeted, or dyes their hair brass blond. Heck print out this post reply and put it up! Maybe someone in your office imbibes in too much sexual activity with multiple partners-that's pretty iundesirable in this day and age but people think it's OK.People who do not conform to the advertised NORM are persecuted because there is immense pressure to fit in. I for one don;t liek being told what to do so I don't!

spidermom
April 20th, 2011, 09:13 AM
It just boggles my mind that people act this way. Have you told them "enough about my hair already!" and torn down the petition? That would be my first act. After that, I'd tell them. "End of discussion!" and maybe "It's my hair. I'll wear it how I like it. You don't get a vote."

CurlAhead
April 20th, 2011, 09:13 AM
Have you talked to them about how you feel? That is not okay! I know how i feel in one way, I get that comment about how I would look so much prettier with longer hair. Oh well, I am sorry, didn't know I could control how fast my hair grows!! :rolleyes:

Raiscake
April 20th, 2011, 09:15 AM
Sorry to hear that. :( You should firmly but nicely tell them that you're not cutting your hair short. It's your hair after all. You're an adult. You know what you want. Let them know that and tell them to stop telling you what to do with your hair (nicely of course). Sometimes you just have to put your foot down.

Good luck and don't give in!

lapushka
April 20th, 2011, 09:16 AM
Ever since then most of the team will not drop the subject of me getting my hair cut and/or dyed - to the point that they've actually made a petition about it and stuck it up in the corridor.

Take a big fat marker and strike the damn thing out! Your hair, your looks, your personal space (and invasion thereof), your business. Not theirs.

Doesn't matter what you were thinking of doing with your hair. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything, or you'll regret it... and probably feel ashamed afterwards, and definitely if and when you should find out they intended it as a joke ('cause you know, they love your hair the way it is / was).

You do not have to explain yourself to anyone, not about something as personal as this you don't! Just tell them to stop pestering you already. Enough public humiliation.

A petition for someone's hairstyle? Dear God. :roll:

Juneii
April 20th, 2011, 09:21 AM
uhh it's your hair, meaning it's your decision. Tell them to back off and leave you alone. Do you leave your hair down a lot? If you do then you should try bunning it - maybe if they don't see it they won't say anything.
I'm sorry you have to deal with things like that :(

Siiri
April 20th, 2011, 09:22 AM
If you don't want to cut it, don't. Sounds like they just want to see change, they are not thinking how you feel. It's like in these makeover TV-shows, they always cut long hair short just to get the "WOW, she looks completely different". Tell them what you feel. If you feel you want a change other than a different up do, try mixing a different colour henna, it doesn't have to be black (black doesn't always go well with every skin tone). I can't really help you with henna, I haven't used it. If they all are against your hair, I wouldn't either let them cut my hair until all calms down. I hear self-trimming isn't that difficult, just cut the hair in small amounts at a time, but maybe someone else can help you with that, I'm still too short to self-trim.

gretchen_hair
April 20th, 2011, 09:36 AM
Geez, are these people annoying much??

I would take a red marker and X out the so called petition, I would leave it up so that everyone could see it and know that you are saying NO! I would also be tempted to make a petition with the peoples names who are harassing you with things you want them to do.

Example, John B. "Lose 15 pounds" Janet R. *Stop wearing blue eyeshadow* Bob M. *Get a new pair of shoes, those holey Converses are smelly and annoying* Bonnie C. *Stop wearing the same outfit every Friday, you need a new look*

I would be very upset if someone were telling me what to do with my own body and life, a joke is a joke but enough is enough.

Good luck, just say no, and let their comments go in one ear and out the other, act like you didn't hear what they said, even if they are right in front of you. Keep saying *what*? *what*? *I don't understand, what are you saying*? I think pretty soon they will realize that they are overstepping their bounds of friendship/co-worker relationship and will drop it.



eta: I just realized that someone else suggested the same idea on putting up other petitions, great minds think alike! ;)

HintOfMint
April 20th, 2011, 09:37 AM
One of my friends who is the most confident person I know told me to never, EVER change my appearance for someone else if I don't want to. She wears huge jewelry, bright lipstick, kisses who she wants to kiss, and not a single person messes with her.

Work your long gorgeous hair, and don't look back, unless it's to admire your hair in the mirror.

RitaPG
April 20th, 2011, 09:38 AM
Your colleagues are extremely rude, I would've torn that petition by now, and told them to mind their business.
Your body, your choice. They can f*** off!

Your hair is gorgeous, just the way it is. Don't let the losers put you down. :blossom:

NotInPortland
April 20th, 2011, 09:43 AM
It's YOUR hair. Who gives a toss what they think? I can't believe they actually put up a petition, if that happened to me I'd actually go mad. Take the petition down and tell them to keep their opinions about changing your hair to themselves. Don't ever change your hair because someone else told you to.

Funwithsharps
April 20th, 2011, 10:15 AM
Honestly, I would report them to management.

selderon
April 20th, 2011, 10:41 AM
I think a lot of people are taking this too seriously. There are any number of ways to address this without creating hostility. First, consider the possibility that they want this change because they are bored and don't realize that's why they want it. Or that they thought you looked really fantastic with your new hair. Take it as a compliment!

1) Joke about it. Keep it lighthearted. Do not do this if you cannot jest without anger.
2) Thank them for their input. Tell them you'll consider it. Then really consider it. You probably won't change your mind.
3) Ignore it. If others bring it up, point out that you have to live with any hairstyle change (and you HAVE lived with those lengths!).
4) Post a list of (funny and improbable) prerequisites with which they must comply before you will cut and color your hair.
5) Ask your coworkers to Photoshop their suggestions so you can see what they're envisioning. If they do it, have them Photoshop their suggestions with THEIR faces. :P
6) Challenge a short-haired coworker to a hair styling race. It has to be videoed.
7) Agree to the change if someone will be your hair slave for life. :P
8) Throw potato chips, giggle and run away.
9) Do one of those faux bobs and mess with their tiny minds. Bwhahahahahaa!
10) If/when individual coworkers bring the topic up, tell them (in a low key way) that it was funny the first three times, but the joke has worn thin and it's time to find another.

On the other hand, if you would be happier styling your hair to please them, go for it.

sibiryachka
April 20th, 2011, 10:43 AM
Honestly, I would report them to management.

This. Or the HR department, or whoever else is there to address the fact that these people are creating a hostile work environment for you. Would they get away with posting a petition saying Coworker X needed to lose weight???

Gaaahhh. This makes me see red.

heidihug
April 20th, 2011, 11:06 AM
This may seem extremely blunt, but, here it goes - where the H%LL do you work? Are your coworkers all teenagers? Do you have a manager, and, if so, does he/she participate in this behavior? It boggles my mind to hear about some of the working/academic environments some of LHC members have to put up with.

It sounds like you are young, correct - early twenties at the oldest? When I was young, I was very conscious about what other people thought of me, I always wanted to fit in, fashion-wise. Now? I just don't give a fig. This peer pressure thing will pass, also, especially as you get older and begin to work in more professional settings.

BabyRay33
April 20th, 2011, 11:19 AM
I find this extremely inappropriate. I don't think you should laugh it off, since they have obviously gone out of their way to make a POSTER about how you should change. I really hope that whatever change you decide to make with your hair or whatever, shouldn't be based on ridicule from other people. I personally can't believe that people could be so rude and not see it.

I think I would just take the poster down and tell everyone that if you decide to cut it, then you'll cut it. But it won't be because they said to ;)

MeganE
April 20th, 2011, 11:31 AM
Oh wow, they're being horrible. A petition?? That's just... wtf is that about?!?! I can't believe they could be so insensitive to your choices. :(

The wig does look great, but try explaining to them that that is NOT your hairtype, and it doesn't matter if you get the exact same cut and color, your hair STILL won't look like that.

I would definitely talk to each of them individually, starting with the instigator of the nonsense, and explain how it makes you feel. It sounds like you're addressing whether or not they have a good point in suggesting to get your hair cut, and you're trying to reason based on the fact that you think it's better to have long hair. DITCH this approach, they'll never let it go. Instead, target the inappropriate behavior by explaining that you LIKE your hair this way and you do NOT like they're constant comments about it!!

selderon
April 20th, 2011, 11:33 AM
I think I would just take the poster down and tell everyone that if you decide to cut it, then you'll cut it. But it won't be because they said to ;)

I suspect that this would have the opposite of the desired effect. I've worked in similarly immature environments. This would have gone badly. Perhaps it wouldn't in the OP's case.

Any road, I've found it extremely freeing to understand that emotions are the result of what I believe (what I choose to believe) about the situation. I spend a lot more time nowadays concluding that [name the situation] isn't worth stressing out about.

Rebecca.1905
April 20th, 2011, 11:37 AM
I'm really offended on your behalf. That kind of attack is incredibly inappropriate (yes, attack) and is basically creating a hostile work environment for you. That is not okay.

Personally, I would tell everyone one more time that it is NOT okay to harass you about your personal style, and if they don't stop immediately you will report them. Period. No halfways, no one-more-chances... that's the ultimatum and that's that. You need to put a stop to it immediately because it has the potential to seep into other aspects of people's appearance and that becomes very dangerous in any environment.

louisemg82
April 20th, 2011, 11:44 AM
Honestly, I would report them to management.
I get why people are saying this has been taken too seriously but Funwithsharps has a point. This is technically classed as bullying in the work place. In my well unionised workplace, the people responsible for putting up the petition would certainly face disciplinary action. In fact, nobody would even put the petition up because they would know they'd be in a disciplinary meeting within 5 minutes!
I understand that they probably don't mean any harm and I'm not suggesting anyone is deliberately trying to bully you but it doesn't change the fact that this is unacceptable. Whether or not it's meant as harmless fun, it's ruining your working day.
You must stand your ground. I would just say 'I'm not cutting my hair and I'm asking you not to discuss it in work anymore.' Most people with any form of social skills will realise they've offended you and drop it.

Runzel
April 20th, 2011, 11:44 AM
Get a horrid wig, wear it, and cheerfully inform them that you've taken their feedback to heart.

Firefox7275
April 20th, 2011, 11:48 AM
A petition??? This could actually be construed as bullying. :( I think you need to let a few people know that this is upsetting you, I don't see any difference between what they are doing and telling someone to lose weight.

ETA: I have now read the thread and see others have made much the same point. I am sure you know not to get involved in tit-for-tat, or escalate to management without having told colleagues they have stepped over the line. :grouphug:

georgia_peach
April 20th, 2011, 11:52 AM
It just boggles my mind that people act this way. Have you told them "enough about my hair already!" and torn down the petition? That would be my first act. After that, I'd tell them. "End of discussion!" and maybe "It's my hair. I'll wear it how I like it. You don't get a vote."

Definitely something like this. ^^^^^ It sounds like you may not be completely sure about what you want. Once you settle with yourself about your hair color and length, then just shut them down. Don't respond in any way when someone brings it up. Refusing to respond lets them know that you are no longer participating in or discussing your personal appearance with them.

mrs_coffee
April 20th, 2011, 01:02 PM
About the poster I'd probably respond by laughing, shaking my head and saying "You guys are nuts." If they continued to mention it I'd tell them they were free to opine about my hair as much as they want, but it's mine and I like it the way it is.

pepperminttea
April 20th, 2011, 01:44 PM
Going as far to make a petition... that really is overkill. Take it down, but not necessarily dramatically, just remove it and shred it. I wouldn't bother with petitions about them, no need to lower yourself to their rather childish level, but do say firmly that it is your hair, and just as you wouldn't tell your co-workers what you might change about them, you would appreciate if they'd give you the same courtesy.

Sanyia
April 20th, 2011, 02:22 PM
It's your hair. No one gets a say on what it needs but you.

teela1978
April 20th, 2011, 02:48 PM
Often used LHC quote that works surprisingly well in this type of situation (I can't ever remember who posted it first.. carolyn? justy?)

"I'm not here to decorate your world"

Works like a charm.

growingpains
April 20th, 2011, 02:58 PM
Are you upset about how they are treating you? If so, say so.

Personally I would maybe be irritated but I would not take it too seriously. It could very well just be done in fun and with no harm meant; which is what I sincerely hope.

I dunno, depending on how you feel about it you have a couple different courses of action. if you feel like it is bullying/harassment like some here think, then you need to take action and let them know it's inappropriate. If you feel like it's appropriate but bothers you nonetheless, tell them so. As others have said, it's your hair. Do what makes you happy. If you are committed to keeping long hair then their joking around is a big waste of time that probably feels awkward.

Plus. I looked at your misc album. I like the long hair sooo much more than the wig. Sure, the wig was cute, but your long hair is healthy, natural looking, radiant and beautiful.

If you want to cut, do so, but in a way that makes you happy (i.e. TB as you suggest).

Slinks
April 20th, 2011, 03:14 PM
get a T-shirt made up that says something about peer pressure and wear it to work every day for a week !! seriously a petition .. that's a pretty petty joke .. what is it about people and long hair .. they say cut it with no guilt, then when it's gone they feel guilty because you did cut it .. *sigh* rant over, you do only what you want to do .. now I'm going to read the rest of the thread :-)

silkheart
April 20th, 2011, 05:32 PM
Ugh if my co-workers did that to me, I'd be so irritated too. What right do they have to tell you what to do with your hair? If someone kept telling me to cut my hair, I'd say excuse me but I like my hair this way and I'd appreciate it if you'd not harass me about it. Something along those lines.

beez1717
April 20th, 2011, 06:13 PM
This a most sounds like work discrimination: of us longhairs. That really isn't good. I agree with others that you should tell someone in management that this is an issue. You have a right to be you and also in a safe work environment. I'm rooting for you!

Kaijah
April 20th, 2011, 06:37 PM
I'm pretty much just going to back up what everyone else said - it's your hair. It's gorgeous. Don't cut it just because a bunch of coworkers are badgering you about it.

I wouldn't stoop to their level - i.e. don't tell them to lose weight, change their clothes, etc - simply because that will be more readily interpreted as hostile/offensive than the "get your hair cut" comments. Sad, but true.

I would take down that petition, tell them something like "I don't appreciate your comments about my body" whenever they say something (even your friends who are "joking") and likely go to HR and report it if they don't stop at your request. It is harassment. You are not their property and you don't deserve to feel bad or be told how you should look.

HuggyBear
April 20th, 2011, 07:01 PM
Wow! I can't believe the nerve of some people. The first thing I would have done was rip it down. If anyone said anything about it, I would ask them how would they feel if someone posted a petition lobbying for opinions on their personal appearance.
If they are particularly rude about it, I would let them know it is workplace harassment. That should shut them up.
Bottom line...MY hair, MY business.

Lynda
April 20th, 2011, 07:07 PM
A petition for someone's hairstyle? Dear God. :roll:

Seriously. This sounds like Jr High.

Ciridae
April 20th, 2011, 07:19 PM
I can understand the draw in going darker... but I speak from experience when I say that if you go black permanently, you are almost certain to regret it later. A couple of shades darker in a semi-permanent will almost assuredly cure your craving for a richer colour - try it first before comitting, I beg you! =}

As for the cut, that is up to you - a haircut is not just about being stylish. It has a lot of ramifications from a practicality point of view. Shorter hair invariable ends up being high-maintenance compared to lovely long locks. It is truly your decision to make - please don't feel bullied into making such a personal decision!

gthlvrmx
April 20th, 2011, 07:38 PM
Get a horrid wig, wear it, and cheerfully inform them that you've taken their feedback to heart.

Jajajaja, this was hilarious.

Mesmerise
April 20th, 2011, 07:43 PM
What gets me is this statement: "your hair is amazing, why don't you cut it?" I mean...what??? If you've got AMAZING hair then why on EARTH would you CUT IT?? Then it wouldn't be AMAZING anymore!!!

I am so glad I don't have to put up with that sort of rubbish :rolleyes:. Seriously, some people should just grow up.

I personally think it's jealousy! Why would they want you to cut amazing hair? Obviously because then your hair won't be amazing and they won't have to feel so pathetic with their own hair when they're around yours!!

DON'T give in!!!!

free_hug
April 20th, 2011, 11:54 PM
These people are probably not mean, they might actually think you would feel better with shorter hair. So the solution is probably to make them understand this is not the case.

This petition thing was extremely rude, although I do believe it wasn't their intention. So why don't you come out of the closet in public? Same place as the petition was, stick your own message, and tell them that your hair is important to you, you like it as it is, and you would feel really bad about having it shorter. Why don't you even tell what your hair goal is?

Seriously, I understand you are feeling hurt, but acting hurt, or antagonistic with these people won't make it easier for you. Your colleagues probaby only need to understand that cutting would make you feel bad - and it is way more important than their cncepts of you decorating their world, ccording to their taste.

30isthenewblack
April 21st, 2011, 12:00 AM
Take a big fat marker and strike the damn thing out! Your hair, your looks, your personal space (and invasion thereof), your business. Not theirs.

Doesn't matter what you were thinking of doing with your hair. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything, or you'll regret it... and probably feel ashamed afterwards, and definitely if and when you should find out they intended it as a joke ('cause you know, they love your hair the way it is / was).

You do not have to explain yourself to anyone, not about something as personal as this you don't! Just tell them to stop pestering you already. Enough public humiliation.

A petition for someone's hairstyle? Dear God. :roll:

I totally agree. This is so incredibly rude. Don't let them pressure you into doing anything. If I cut my hair because I want to and I don't like it, then it's my fault and I'll wear it literally but if I do it because I've felt pressured then I know I will be very resentful about it. Do what is right for you. I'd wait until the air clears until you make any decisions! This is totally beyond ridiculous!

luxepiggy
April 21st, 2011, 12:04 AM
When people tell me I should cut my hair, I just tell them I don't want to in a disinterested voice and change the subject. If they persist, I usually say something like "wow, you must be having a super boring today" in a cheery tone, and change the subject again.

In my whole life, I've only had one person persist after that. I plastered the biggest possible smile on my face and said "you should really wear some different clothes!" She finally got the hint (^(oo)^)

meowmeow
April 21st, 2011, 12:05 AM
I would probably send an e-mail to management if it's bothering you a lot. It's their job to make sure their employees are reasonably comfortable (I can't think of of a better word to describe a good working environment).

Macaroni
April 21st, 2011, 12:07 AM
You can't mess up a self trim if you use Fey's (sp?) method. I do it something similar every six months and maintain a blunt cut waist length.

As for your co-workers, let them know the "joke" is tired. Give anyone who says anything the sign: zip your lips, lock them and throw away the key gesture.

Lamb
April 21st, 2011, 12:26 AM
This is bullying, plain and simple. You are being bullied by your coworkers.

My advice? Tore that f-ing petition off the wall and put up a new one, saying: "Please refrain from making inappropriate and harassing observations and/or suggestions regarding my personal appearance. If you continue, I will be forced to report your hostile behaviour to management."

Make sure the words "harassing" and "hostile" are included.

Or (a better idea, really) find a job where you can work with grown up humans, not a pack of immature kids or monkeys. :rolleyes:

hanne jensen
April 21st, 2011, 12:29 AM
I am shocked that adults at a work place are acting like junior high students in the schoolyard. Geez, get a life! At the next comment, simply say, "I'm sorry that you have so little in your life to think about. It's awful that you have to waste your time and energy on thinking about my hair."

jimmypopp
April 21st, 2011, 12:51 AM
The leaders of this pack must be insanely jealous of your lovely tresses. Keep your hair how you want it!

Marianne
April 21st, 2011, 12:56 AM
Once you settle with yourself about your hair color and length, then just shut them down. Don't respond in any way when someone brings it up. Refusing to respond lets them know that you are no longer participating in or discussing your personal appearance with them.

That's an incredibly effective way of dealing with most unwanted opinions on personal life choices.

If you start to explain and justify yourself and your choices, most people see it as an opening for discussion. In most cases, I've found trying to explain my choices in an attempt to get someone to understand only causes that person to tell me why they think I'm wrong and what I should do instead. Over and over again.

Since I stopped doing that, people very rarely hassle me about my personal appearance (amongst other things) any more.

CurlyCreature
April 21st, 2011, 12:57 AM
Wow thats so rude, I'm sorry that you are going through that. Tell them flat out that they are being RUDE - and it is hurting your feelings. Make the comparison that it would be rude to tell someone who is larger to lose weight. I hate how people think it is acceptable to act this way. Ask them who raised them, and demand an apology. Go to your boss/HR and complain about discrimination.

Jezzie
April 21st, 2011, 03:08 AM
Hey just wanted to say hope you're not getting too down about the jokes.
I echo almost everyones thoughts that it's not appropriate and as for how to deal with it - that's pretty tricky as only you can know the people and environment.

In some case the really firm non-joking way works well and in others its better to laugh it off. I've been in situations at work where I coped a lot of crap for liking crafts (I used to enjoy cross-stitching in my break).
I laughed it off for ages, even the name calling, but it got to a point where it wasn't funny anymore. I did the firm "please stop". Unfortunately in my case even that didn't work. I didn't have the strength to go to management but another co-worker of mine did and it very quickly came to an end after that.

In this case I would probably be getting to the "please stop" stage by now, and if that doesn't help and it continues then maybe the time will come to speak to someone with authority.

Either way don't change just because you're being told to - we wouldn't be individuals or ourselves if we did everything people told us to :)

alyanna
April 21st, 2011, 03:24 AM
First off, your hair looks amazing. Very cool.

Secondly, it doesn't sound to me that your co-workers are doing this out of maliciousness. They obviously feel that they know you well enough and are close to you enough to participate in your hair decision-making. It's annoying of course.

I'd go cross out that petition with a black marker and gently remind anyone that brings it up that you ARE NOT cutting your hair.

After that, just completely ignore them and go about your business. They'll drop it eventually.

skyblue
April 21st, 2011, 03:50 AM
just ignore them it will calm down as soon as they see
your not paying attention to it anymore
At this point I think they are having fun with it
No need to feel pressured, just do what YOU want to
do with YOUR hair ;)

Jomo
April 21st, 2011, 03:52 AM
I'm not 100% sure here what the tone is of what they're saying - but it sounds like it's intended to be playful (which doesn't mean it's not hurtful, but does mean I wouldn't agree with a lot of these suggestions to threaten to report them to management etc etc - not at this stage, anyway). These are people you work with and I know you really don't want to sour the relationships permanently if you can help it.

I would respond initially in a playful way, but a way that definitely gets your feeling across. Maybe write on the poll something like "it would be less painful to cut off my fingertips! :P" or "and 5 years of regrowing it if I don't end up liking it!" or something. It doesn't sound like they WANT to be offensive, and so being really aggressive in response straight away might be overreacting a little bit.

Of course, if being subtle doesn't work there is always the option of being a little more blunt ;p e.g. sending an email around saying "I'm sorry I know you guys aren't trying to be upsetting, but I REALLY LOVE my hair long and it took years of work, so please stop talking about getting me to cut it", or such.

Capybara
April 21st, 2011, 05:17 AM
Does it strike anyone else as a little, well, lame that they've gone to the extent about making a petition...for hair? I wish I had that much free time :p

I think your hair looks beautiful. If you like it, and are happy with it, don't let anyone make you feel any different.

Scarlet_Heart
April 21st, 2011, 05:46 AM
It just boggles my mind that people act this way. Have you told them "enough about my hair already!" and torn down the petition? That would be my first act. After that, I'd tell them. "End of discussion!" and maybe "It's my hair. I'll wear it how I like it. You don't get a vote."


Seriously. It's none of their business. There's something nice about being a little different, at least I think so. Don't let them try to push you into their mold. Unless you really want to cut your hair for your own personal satisfaction. If you really want to do it, do it. But if you do it and feel like you're just giving in to pressure, you'll feel really lousy about it.

jackiesjottings
April 21st, 2011, 08:09 AM
How rude they are!

I used to get this at work many years ago and one day I turned round and said "I have my hair long because I like my hair long and because I want my hair long" and the subject wasn't raised again.

I see this as gross intrusion. How dare they tell you what you should do with a part of you? It is hard to know what to do, whether to retaliate or ride it out :( I had to learn to be assertive but I am afraid that these days I would have to say something.

sibiryachka
April 21st, 2011, 10:28 AM
Okay, so I just looked and found that you work on a cruise ship. Is there really no formal policy in your workplace regarding harassment, or otherwise addressing what is and is not acceptable behavior between employees?
I ask this because the last 3 jobs I've had, all in fairly corporate settings, required that everyone hired participate in some sort of sensitivity training, or at least read the HR policy regarding that kind of thing, then sign a document acknowledging "I understand what I may and may not do/say to my coworkers" that went in their employment file.
Maybe I was unrealistic, but I've been assuming that that was pretty much standard procedure in most corporate (surely that applies to a cruise ship??) workplaces these days. In every job I've had in the past 15 years or so, this behavior would have been slapped down by management *instantly* - or at least as soon as it was brought to their attention. At my last job, it was really easy any time someone started to cross the line; the video we all had to watch used the "green light/yellow light/red light" analogy. All you ever had to say was "Yellow zone" or "Red zone" - playfully, in a friendly way - and the other person would understand that they were entering inappropriate territory, and that staying on that course could have consequences.
I understand that a cruise ship means you're all kind of stuck with each other, and that can certainly affect the dynamic (it also goes a long way to explain the junior-high behavior), but really, this is so far over the line. Isn't there a supervisor you can talk to?

RitaCeleste
April 21st, 2011, 10:43 AM
My ex, who I love and still see, was always telling me to do something with my hair. He would call me Cousin IT! I went to a salon and purchased one cut (thinned and layered), no one liked it. I grew it out. The comments started, I went back and purchased a cut and (with thinning again) color $90. No one liked that look either. I grew it out and colored it myself. Eventually I gave it one more and another cut. The sides were too short for me to be happy. No one liked that cut either. No one said, "Hey it looks nice.", no one said, "You should do that more often." I've been trimming out layers and waiting on the sides to grow out. Its almost to my waist and I haven't gotten one, "It needs to be thinned.", "You are starting to look like Cousin It again." I think at this point the only one who dares mention me getting another haircut is my ex mother inlaw who has very short hair. She, like me, liked it when it was in a short shag but her son hated it. I've told them all I want to dye it blue and they've gone silent on the topic of my hair. I recommend you pretend to want purple or hot pink hair or something and whine and tell these co-workers that you'd have to cut out all the henna and let it grow out so you could bleach it white to get the color you so desire. That's right, scare the crap out of them! Nail that wig to the petition! Buy a totally punk purple one, wear it in tell them its your dream do! Come on, make them believe it!

GlassWidow
April 21st, 2011, 11:04 AM
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I can imagine that living at sea makes it that much more difficult, seeing as how there's not many places you can go to get away from everyone for a while.

I'm sure there is a certain comraderie that comes from living together in close quarters, but in all honesty, what your friends and coworkers are doing is harassment. Like other people have said, it's really not any different than telling someone to lose 10lbs or wear different make up, or whatever. It might come from a good place, but it turns into harassment when it makes you uncomfortable. If you've told them that it's making you uncomfortable and they haven't listened, it's time to go to a manager, or to someone in Human Resources.

Your real hair is beautiful. You should be proud of it, and if you want to make changes, do it for you, not because a dozen people you live with tell you that you should. :grouphug:

HairStickler
April 21st, 2011, 03:06 PM
I agree that part of the problem is that you are on a ship. In workplaces where a group of people is stuck together and isolated from others, the dynamics can get very dysfunctional. Or so I hear.

If you know that short hair would not work for you, don't do it. Be strong.

Kunoichi
April 21st, 2011, 03:17 PM
Get a horrid wig, wear it, and cheerfully inform them that you've taken their feedback to heart.

:eyebrows:

skydancer7
April 21st, 2011, 03:41 PM
How about a nice, firm "It's not up for discussion". You have to set a boundary, or no one knows what it is!

sibiryachka
April 21st, 2011, 07:37 PM
I had this song stuck in my head today, and it made me think of you:

http://www.topcountrymusicvideos.com/taylor-swift-mean-live-at-the-2011-acm-awards/

:)

irisheyes
April 22nd, 2011, 02:32 PM
Sure, you look great in that black wig, but you also look great in that pirate outfit. Would you give in to pressure to change your style and dress like a pirate every day? You know better!

rogue_psyche
April 22nd, 2011, 02:53 PM
These people are something else. I wouldn't wear a braid to work if I were you--if they are crazy enough to make a petition they may be crazy enough to give you a guerrilla hair cut.

Next time one of them tells you to cut, you should respond as if they complimented your hair instead. "You really think I should grow my hair down to the floor? Wow, thanks!"

AspenSong
April 22nd, 2011, 04:29 PM
I'm not the spiteful kind, but this sort of stuff makes me crazy. I'd go with the whole idea where if they can't respect that it's your body, your head, your hair and leave it alone...start snapping back with something at them!! Don't just take it, dish their medicine right back a couple times! If it doesn't stop then once you make your position on YOUR hair clear, I'd let them know that they're bordering on harrassment and that's a serious thing.

Explain to them this is no different than you starting a petition because so and so has a lumpy butt and everyone has agreed she needs lipo, or that Mack over there has a tiny package and you're advertising the fact to everyone. It's intrusive and personal and you want it left alone. FOR GOOD. Be firm in this!! You can do it!! :) *hug*

PamelaViktoria
April 22nd, 2011, 04:35 PM
Even though that is nasty, I know where they're coming from. And it actually is a compliment. Like many people, I love BS length on most women. The reason is because it can be worn down. I can imagine your hair framing your face, swinging from side to side ect. But if I always saw you with your hair up, I lose that joy. Its actually selfish on my part, and anyone else who forces others to conform to their ideals. You have your own right to make your own choice. Be comfortable, and don't listen even if I want you to do something else. Btw, there are lots of people who would do anything to get alittle attention but never get any. You effortlessly get it!

McFearless
April 22nd, 2011, 07:40 PM
Are you being very clear that you like you hair? At this point you shouldn't even tolerate these types of comments. I'd be very firm and say "this is my hair so im going to do what i want. have i ever told you to change your looks to please me?". "Your hair is amazing... why don't you cut it?" is obvious jealousy, tell em to shove it.

DecafJane
April 22nd, 2011, 09:30 PM
Get a horrid wig, wear it, and cheerfully inform them that you've taken their feedback to heart.

This. Get a REALLY ugly one and see how long you can stick with it. ;)

JadeTigress
April 23rd, 2011, 12:18 AM
I finally cut my hair for the first time when I was 19, because of pressure from my family. It was funny, because when I was little I always wanted to cut my hair and my parents wouldn't let me. Then as I got older, everyone was telling me to cut my hair, and I didn't want to do it.

But I finally cut it, and I really wish I hadn't. I'd had tail bone to classic length hair for pretty much my whole life (I know I had it when I was 5 or 6, I can't remember before then). I really miss it, and it's going to take forever for me to get it back.

Stay tough, don't give in to the man! :p

Pikkukala
May 29th, 2011, 05:02 PM
Sorry! Internet access has been insane here for the last month and t's taken me a while to find this thread again! Thank you for all your replies - a lot of the original post was just me venting at an actually sympathic audience. Still, let me reply to some specfic points first:

<b>Funwithsharps:</b> Reporting them to management would get nowhere other than on my record. There is the harrassment policy which goes through HR but there's a strict way of dealing with it where that is concerned (that is, how I have to deal with it) and it'd probably cause more harm in the long run than good - I still have another two and a half months to live with these people.

<b>Heidihug:</b> Where do I work? I'm a photographer on a pretty well-known cruise line. At the moment the team is slanted towards the early-30's - my co-workers are aged between mid-twenties to late-thirties. We have a manager and two assistant managers - the assistants have commented but haven't been involved, and the manager we rarely see. I think it's interesting that you say when I "work in more professional settings" as this is a pretty professional job. Still, my workplace has it's own issues as these aren't just my co-workers - I live and socialise with them as well (we have been known to say this job is like "being on Big Brother" as there is no escape and everyone knows everything).

<b>Lamb:</b> I can't really talk about the whole working "with grown up humans, not a pack of immature kids or monkeys" as I'm sure I'm not much better at times - the thing is I love my job, and as I understand it my company is one of the best to work for for my job in this industry - it's unfortunate but in a way this is one of the things I have to live with in this job. Doesn't mean I'm that happy about it - but the theory is the perks should outweigh all this junk.

Actually, a lot of what people have called the "JR High Mentality" of this place is due to there really being nothing else interesting going on (aka the "Big Brother" mentality) - we have very little access to the outside world: we don't have real TV other than five channels (ESPN & four international news channels), and although we go out in port, we do really live in a ship-shaped bubble so there is nothing to talk about other than work or gossip about each other and other people around. This issue is part of the reason why my hair has been such a topic of entertainment - it's something talk about at least for a little while.

I seem to have ended up defending people here which was not my intention when I started this post. I started writing this before I went to work this evening and now I'm too tired to concentrate on this post properly so I'm posting it as it is. :thud:

Xandergrammy
May 29th, 2011, 05:56 PM
In your case, I would take down the stupid petition and tell everyone to mind their own business. My coworkers have FINALLY given up, I think. I've found one of the best ways to "get back at them" is to just quietly let your hair keep growing. I'm pretty sure some people at my work are pretty annoyed about that, but oh well!! :gabigrin:

GRU
May 29th, 2011, 06:49 PM
I find the whole thing really interesting, as my career goal in about 10 years' time involves being a ship's nurse on a cruise ship.

As for the coworkers, given the odd living arrangements you're all in together, I think I would just join in on the fun and let it roll off my shoulders. If you keep offering up weirder and weirder suggestions (Lady Gaga hair styles, for example), eventually they will get bored with it b/c they aren't getting under your skin anymore.

And I know that I would NEVER attempt to live in such a humid, windy environment with shorter hair -- how the heck do you keep short hair contained in those circumstances?

dragonchickx
May 29th, 2011, 06:57 PM
tough predicament Im sure its difficult because you don't want to hurt anyones feelings to tell them to stop, but at the same time they need to know when to quit. I think they will eventually wear out of it and find something new to bother someone about. Your hair is beautiful...remember why you wanting it long and weigh the benfits.. If you cut your hair they will know they can convince you of anything and they will see that you don't love yourself the way you ARE and are trying to please them.. Not that you don't love yourself or anything lol. It just sends the wrong message.

jenhow
May 29th, 2011, 08:58 PM
I support all these comments, especially Celtic Morla's. Really, what right do they have? You need to show them that you know your own mind and that while there are all different looks you could choose from (and you'd look gorgeous with all of them), you'll be the one making the decision, thanks very much.

jojo
May 30th, 2011, 11:05 PM
Your colleagues are extremely rude, I would've torn that petition by now, and told them to mind their business.
Your body, your choice. They can f*** off!

Your hair is gorgeous, just the way it is. Don't let the losers put you down. :blossom:

my thoughts exactly :wigtongue

Seeshami
May 30th, 2011, 11:22 PM
I would have a meeting and tell them all that if they continue (and it still bothers you) that it is harassment. Because if it makes you uncomfortable, unhappy and effects your work place then it is harassment. Most companies go on hyper alert when the H word is brought into the conversation.

Arianna
May 31st, 2011, 03:40 AM
I've had the same sort of comments recently (it's actually what made me find LHC and inspire me to keep mine long! backfired on them a bit there...)
I asked one of my ...persistant... friends why she didn't grow her hair long and when she went to explain, she realised that to me her excuses sounded as feeble as mine did to her. (not that i mind how her hair was, i just wanted her to see from my perspective)

Like you, I find it easier to maintain long hair. when it's short i just brush and go. sometimes just go:o With long hair I bother to take care of it.

Have you heard of World's Greatest Shave? I'm not saying you should shave!! But maybe if you are already interested in colouring, and your work mates are willing to sign a petition (even if a 'fake' one) ask them if they would donate to see you colour? http://www.worldsgreatestshave.com/
If you choose to go down this path (I think) it shows that your hair is under YOUR control, not theirs. But they still have to 'loose' something just like you will 'loose' your current colour. trade off.

[ps, not sure if mentioning WGS goes against LHC rules. sorry if it does! :o]

Charjonesxoxo
January 21st, 2018, 11:44 AM
That’s awful what they are doing to you, what I would do is grow it even longer just to annoy them and wear it long and down in all it’s beauty around them! It’s your hair not there’s, I would never dream of telling anyone else what do with there hair unless they asked me for advice

Chromis
January 21st, 2018, 11:54 AM
That’s awful what they are doing to you, what I would do is grow it even longer just to annoy them and wear it long and down in all it’s beauty around them! It’s your hair not there’s, I would never dream of telling anyone else what do with there hair unless they asked me for advice

This thread is from 2011, and the OP has not visited since 2012. Pretty sure this has been solved by now!

*Wednesday*
January 21st, 2018, 05:20 PM
...I'm used to getting comments along the line of "Your hair is amazing... why don't you cut it?"...

That was always an oxymoron to me.

Wendyp
January 21st, 2018, 06:47 PM
Uhhhh major boundary issues here ..that’s crazy.. ur co workers need a hobby!