What to do

[Katze]

Dear LHCers, especially non-orthodox LHCers ;),

Once again I am at an impasse with my hair. I took pics last week for the first time in a year, hoping to be able to show off how good it is looking.

And I was horrified. My hair looks stringy, wispy-thin, my length is see-through, AND I am still - eternally - at BSL.

I have been trimming and trying to get my new growth to catch up with my pre-baby hair. In 2009 I lost about half my hair after my daughter was born - while pregnant it was almost waist, thicker, and curlier than it has ever been.

While my crown hair is thicker than it has ever been in my life, this thickness is taking FOREVER to move down my length and my hair tapers severely starting at about ear length.

On the one hand it does look better than my hair has ever looked.

On the other hand it still looks bad and messy. I have been slathering it in gel and leave-in and wearing it up (this is the only way I can get a tidy looking updo). I have been doing weekly SMTs, which make my hair hang better on the day after the wash.

I see people out in the world with long hair, even fine hair, whose hair looks GOOD, smooth, tidy, shiny, healthy, etc.

Mine doesn't.

This weekend I asked DH if I should get dreads, dye my hair black, cut it all off and bleach it, something, ANYTHING, to pep me up and make me less 'blah.' He said I would regret any of these, and to just braid some colored extensions in again, which I did.

But I am still hating my hair. Hating its boring color, hating my wispy ends, and hating the fact that it will NOT grow, and that it does NOT look healthy.

I know that if I had not trimmed, I would have one or two hairs that reach the floor by now. I know that I have been stressed and eating badly and need to lose a couple of kilos, and that my skin is acting up so I am feeling dumpy, ugly and old. I used to feel sexy, I used to enjoy being 'checked out' - those days are gone. Now I am an exhausted mother of a toddler with dull hair, a dumpy figure, and I really feel 'stuck.'

Can anyone recommend any kind of helpful and relaxing makeover? Hair tips for my terrible, messy, unruly, and damaged-looking hair? Has anyone else had an ongoing hair crisis and done something radical, or not, and waited it out and had it get better?

...will it ever, ever get better..?!?

[Mesmerise]

Ahh I have lost a lot of hair too, and while I'm getting new baby hairs in, most of the time my hair looks AWFUL when I wear it out. So I don't wear it out... and of course, the whole reason I HAVE long hair and WANT long hair is so that it looks pretty when it's OUT. I mean, it's great being able to do nice updos and stuff...but I don't look much different with my hair pulled up than I do with a pixie cut... I feel more attractive when my hair is loose.

I guess the key is patience, patience, patience! I know the short hairs will catch up, and in time there will be a lot less taper and my ends won't be so pathetically thin and see through, and I also know that doing something radical now (or chopping it all off) is NOT the answer. Although, the other day I really wanted to cut a few inches off. Well, I didn't WANT to...urgh...hard to explain...I just felt that if I did my hair would look better (in health) but I knew I wouldn't be happy.

So, for the most part I just wear it back and try not to think about it much :rolleyes:. Or when I do think about it, I picture it two years from now!!

[FluffSpider]

I see you're willing to actually DYE it black-why not get some henna samples and make a henna gloss? It left me positively in love with my hair. before that, it was flyaway, fine, and dull despite the TLC:p

[Siiri]

I second the henna gloss. Or try learning new updos. Btw. doing sports, especially weight training, is proved to help with body image, even if there wouldn't be much difference in reality. It doesn't have to be anything too extreme, do something that you enjoy. I find it works for me.

[Katze]

I see you're willing to actually DYE it black-why not get some henna samples and make a henna gloss? It left me positively in love with my hair. before that, it was flyaway, fine, and dull despite the TLC:p

Unfortunately henna with a ruddy complexion is a no-go. I would love to be able to henna, I think it is lovely, but my natural skin color is pink and I have always avoided henna for this reason. As a henna artist, I have tons of high quality henna lying around, but know that it is permanent on hair!


I second the henna gloss. Or try learning new updos. Btw. doing sports, especially weight training, is proved to help with body image, even if there wouldn't be much difference in reality. It doesn't have to be anything too extreme, do something that you enjoy. I find it works for me.

I've actually thought about weight training. I swim 2x 30 min a week, bike 16 or so kilometers per day, and walk a lot. But 'a few extra pounds' on me makes me look fat, since I am big-boned and have big boobs. There is a womens' sports studio in our neighborhood that has weights as well as yoga, and in lieu of finding good martial arts, I am tempted to try it.

My hair is just one of many factors that I think ages me. I do try to wear it up as often as I can, but as Mesmerise says, the POINT of having long hair is to show it off! (This is why I call myself a non-orthodox LHCer..:)

[ravenreed]

I lost crazy amounts of hair after each pregnancy and my hair was waist length at the time. It took a long time for the new hair to catch up, but it did eventually manage to. I had some wonky looking hair for a few months. You won't always be the mother of a toddler and once your hair evens up, you will feel much better about it. In the mean time, what about updating your look in other ways, like change your clothing style a bit? It sounds crazy but I feel less frumpy now, at 41 and with extra weight, than I did as a young, thin, 20-something with toddlers underfoot. I have time now to spend on makeup and hair, and to make myself look nice. I certainly didn't back then!

[Siiri]

I've actually thought about weight training. I swim 2x 30 min a week, bike 16 or so kilometers per day, and walk a lot. But 'a few extra pounds' on me makes me look fat, since I am big-boned and have big boobs. There is a womens' sports studio in our neighborhood that has weights as well as yoga, and in lieu of finding good martial arts, I am tempted to try it.

I think getting more muscle underneath the fat sort of makes the fat look getter:) I mean it looks firmer that way and although fat doesn't migrate it seems to go in the right place when you get a healthy amount of exercise. Yoga is good too for your self image, and with weight training you need to stretch a lot.

[Firefox7275]

Are you taking care of your wellbeing - eating a balanced diet, getting enough sleep, regular physical activity? A lot of parents find that a real challenge. :o

[Gem]

I think a lot of it is just being the mother of a toddler. My family is lucky if I have time to shower, let alone play with makeup and clothes :p
If your crown hair is growing, then your hair will be thicker eventually. I guess the question is, which will bother you less - how it is now, or cutting it up to the thicker hair?
I have done both radical dyeing and radical cuts, and I regret the radical cuts less. As long as your hair is close to one length, it will grow out from a cut a lot quicker than dye.
If you'd rather keep it how it is, then I second the suggestions for exercise. Also, do your clothes fit properly? I know some of my clothes are still too big, and I keep promising myself that I'll buy a new bra once DD weans. That's not helping the frumpy mom look.

[WaitingSoLong]

Katze: It seems you have a general depression thing going on. Not a diagnosis, just an observation. The tone of your post was defeated, your life sounds down in the dumps and very few things will make you happy, let alone hair. However, that being said, let me tell you...

I am right there, too.

I could have written your post to some extent.
First: BSL is one of those lengths you feel stuck at forever because the next visible goal seems to be waist, which is an iffy place anyway because it can change depending on your posture.

I don't know your hair history, but remember that once hair has grown out of the scalp, there is very little you can do to improve it (I know you know this). If it was damaged in quality from a poor diet, hormones, stress, etc, all you can do is help it to be the best it can be until it can be grown out and cut. That is what everyone on the "growing out dye" thread is patiently trying to do.

Second: This too shall pass. I know it seems like it never will, or that it will take too long so it may as well be permanent, but it will pass, and it will take your help to pass. It sounds like you are already trying to help your hair. Maybe it is time for a new look. Just be careful of doing anything permanent or semi-permanent (like a cut) while in a state of "despair" or even just the blahs. And I am referring to life in general here, not just hair.

My acne is worse than ever. My diet choices have totally regressed after over a year of being very good about it. I find myself eating carbs and processed sugars and this leads to a crazy cycle because your/my body craves them like caffeine once we start. My appetite has been insatiable and I eat when I am not hungry. Why? Because I am trying to satisfy something, only it is not hunger.

My acne was so bad last week I did not even try to cover it up. I feel like I look awful. The persistent winter weather here is not helping. I have to force myself through routines, especially my hair stuff because I am OVER IT. I have been through some major events in the past 2 years and while I handled them with seeming grace (and they were not all bad events, just major), I totally melted down a couple months ago. Stress over time, especially when there is no relief from it, does a lot of physical things to us.

I have posted several places on LHC that I have been seriously considering cutting all my hair off. And when I say ALL, I mean pixie. Only my husband doesn't want me to cut above shoulder. To me that means I may as well keep it long. Why? I am not sure if I am really that unhappy with my hair or if it is one of those "take control" things because my life seems unliveable right now. Everything is too hard. I have had way more than my share of "bad luck" and I am tired of trying so hard at everything.

You may not be where I am emotionally, but sometimes we can just reach a place where we are tired of everything and tired of trying.

I would suggest, for awhile, some benign neglect. Maybe even a break from LHC where it is too tempting to hair-compare. I did this last year. I took at least a month hiatus and just "forgot" about my hair. If you don't think that is for you, then why not try something temporary? There are deposit-only temporary hair dyes. Not sure what is available where you are, but I know here at Sally's you can get all sorts of temp dyes. Maybe even go so far as some subtle layers. I know you said your hair is thin but sometimes layers can give it body and make it appear fuller. Also, maybe some benign neglect in life. Lower your standards for awhile, allow yourself to "chill" even if that means that toilet is not as clean as you like or everyone has to cook their own dinner for a week. Even a week of this can really help. Get a full body massage.

I cut an inch off my hair instead of chopping it all off. It probably did not change much overall but it put me back in control for awhile. At least I wasn't doing NOTHING. I knew I would be impressed with how much it helps my velcroe ends even tho I really need to take off another 3". I still can if I want, but an inch at a time maybe. I have had too many haircut regrets not to take it slow. And the pixie I want? Probably will never happen.

Another thing, I would suggest a detox diet for a week or two. I am about to do one myself since I have "let myself go" this past couple months. Detox diets are temporary, so the commitment is easier and the detoxing always helps my energy, gets my cravings back under control and makes me generally feel better. I always doubt it, every single time, but I am always glad I do it after. I have a simple one I use if you want to PM me.

It always amazes me that how we feel about our hair can so greatly impact our moods. And this is before LHC or I even started growing my hair. We all have good hair days, bad hair days, and why is it that a good hair day gives us confidence? It is JUST hair yet somehow it sets our moods. Strange.

[RitaCeleste]

While oils can be tricky on fine hair, they do add shine. I have not used that many but I have used Aphogee Moisturizing Oil Sheen. It takes about 45 mins to soak into the hair even if you go light with it but it gives the most shine. It has a few cones in it though. And I've tried Meadowfoam Seed oil and it is light enough I can put a little in my daughter's fine hair and it detangles and imparts shine.

[virgo75]

Agree with the previous poster who said that it can take a while for your hair to catch up after having a baby. :agree:

Also, your hair looks very fine. It's possible that SMT + leave-in + gel is making it look flatter and more thin than it actually is.

My hair is similar in that it can be dry and needs a bit of product to keep it moisturized and "tamed", but then it's easy to go right over the line from "tamed" to thin.

Sometimes just using a light leave-in helps a lot. Maybe a light spray like diluting your favorite conditioner with some water into a spray bottle could give you the moisture you need without weighing hair down and making it thin? You could also mix in a small amount of glycerin or a light oil(like jojoba) if your hair likes them.

I don't have any suggestions outside of that and also agree that sometimes other changes can help(clothing, diet, exercise, makeup, etc.)

Wishing you all the best. :flower:

[spidermom]

I agree with the suggestion of a temporary dye if you really want to change it up for awhile.

One thing that can give your hair a lot of body is to put hair into a top of head ponytail overnight (don't cinch the hair-tie too tight) and roll the ends on some curlers (I use the sponge type). I know it's not a terribly attractive night-time look, so do it just before lights out. Or if you're not opposed, you could do it in the morning with some heated curlers.

Swimming isn't among the best calorie burners, and neither is bicycling, so if you'd like to be leaner, it would be good to expand your exercise routine into new directions. I belong to a gym so I've been spending time on the elliptical (ArcTrainer) because it's gentle on the knees. (I have an unhappy knee from an automobile accident in 2006.) Wow - does it burn a lot of calories! Weight training is always a good idea. More muscle = higher metabolism.

[Amraann]

Katze, Sounds to me like you have the toddler blues.
I suggest waiting before doing anything to your hair.

Instead focus on doing something nice for yourself at least once a week.
Probably right about now your only sense of worth is being "mommy"
Now that your baby is a toddler and getting more independent you need to get back to being you.
I think if you start doing things for yourself then you will start feeling better about you. Not just your hair but all of you.
Maybe once that happens you will find that you feel better about your hair and possibly it will have started to catch up.

[spidermom]

Katze, Sounds to me like you have the toddler blues.
I suggest waiting before doing anything to your hair.

Instead focus on doing something nice for yourself at least once a week.
Probably right about now your only sense of worth is being "mommy"
Now that your baby is a toddler and getting more independent you need to get back to being you.
I think if you start doing things for yourself then you will start feeling better about you. Not just your hair but all of you.
Maybe once that happens you will find that you feel better about your hair and possibly it will have started to catch up.

I agree with this.

Just wanted to throw in there that until you leave your hair alone and let it grow (with perhaps occasional small trims), you won't know its length potential. It may be that the majority of your hairs have a relatively short growth cycle before they shed out, which is why your ends always look thin in spite of lots and lots of trimming.

And of course the pregnancy and childbirth threw your shed and regrow cycle off, and it takes awhile to get back to normal. I remember from another thread that you are contemplating a second child, which will throw everything off again, and it may be years before everything is completely back to normal, and you can see what your hair does under stable conditions. (as stable as life ever gets for us human beings) So I don't know - maybe a new style will suit you; something that will fall into place easier and not be such a constant chore. Perhaps light layers or ??? who knows. There are a lot of options; you don't have to keep fighting with something that just isn't working for you.

[Amraann]

It should also be noted that if your baby is still just a toddler you could very likely still be suffering from hormonal changes and that would certainly lend to your feelings of "blah"
Even if that is the case doing something for yourself and telling yourself that your not frumpy just hormonal will help you get through it:)

[elbow chic]

How's the baby sleeping? I'll usually get really, really down about everything after a prolonged period of interrupted sleep. (which, if you look in the thesaurus, under "Interrupted Sleep" there is a picture of a young mother with a teething toddler. haha)

Protecting my sleep is soooo fundamental to my own sense of wellbeing as a mother, though, something that took me some time to figure out.

Hugs, whatever you decide to do with your hair.

[spidermom]

Oh - have you ever gone to the Taaz website and tried styles and colors on a picture of yourself? It's fun and might save you from what seems like a good idea until you try it.

[MsBubbles]

How about a style somewhere between APL & BSL, where your hair is deliberately styled (i.e. cut) into a tapering shape? I have no idea what to call this. But for anybody with natural waves like you, and baby fine hair that likes to defy gravity, I think it'd look gorgeous, and I think women would want to know how in the world you get your hair to do that.

I know how you feel about not being able to get a thick hemline at long lengths. It is dejecting, especially after years of patience and nurturing. But maybe you can go with what your hair does best, instead. I will see if I can find a link. I think it'd look awesome with your natural color but also stunning with one or two very faint highlights thrown in.

Bah! I can't find anything that really describes what I mean. It's a sort of retro 80s type thing that only people with a body wave can get away with.

Most photos I can find with layers are ironed flat and fried!

Either way, I hope you find some peace with all this. Life is crazy with a toddler!

PS all those people you see with shiny smooth straight hair probably wish they had some lift, body or wave to it!

[spidermom]

Ms Bubbles - maybe you're thinking of the long shag or popstar shag. Those styles look best if they're somewhat messy, and they're so easy to style. Just rub a small amount of styling cream or gel between hands and fingers, then finger-comb clean, damp hair back from face, allow to dry and fall as it may (or blow-dry if in a hurry). I had a style like that after my son was born, but only to shoulder length.

[*daisy*chain*]

Hold on to the fact that you say this is the best your hair has ever been. That means improvement. That you're unhappy with it means you probably have unreasonable expectations. To be a mother, one cannot assume having time to make sure hair looks perfect down, that takes time. I would focus on the health of the hair, oiling, bunning, braiding. With some bun curls, your hair will surely seem more full. I am on the NW routine. It gives you time to S&D and detangle and style rather than spending all the time washing and drying. Just a thought. Some new hair toys or head scarves could help. Wispy hair is kind of in right now anyway, try to embrace it. Learn to accept that there's nothing wrong with your hair. Sometimes we need to step away from the mirror.

[MsBubbles]

Ms Bubbles - maybe you're thinking of the long shag or popstar shag. Those styles look best if they're somewhat messy, and they're so easy to style. .

Oh sure! Easy for you 2c/F/M's to say :lol: But yeah that's what I meant. Just not near as big-hair as back in the 80s. Normal proportions!

[Lianna]

A lot of natural red haired people have pink skin, why is it that when it comes to dye/henna it, people avoid it? I have pink skin and think red hair suits me well. I like your hair color as it is though, maybe you could try some rollers and wear it down like that more often. You could have some fun with make up too, since isn't something permanent. Maybe try on some new dresses!

[jojo]

I had the same problem with thin ends, breaking, splitty ends (in my case) and trimmed back an inch, which I know you have been doing. fine hair can be such a curse sometimes. However, my hair seems to have done a full turn around, stuff like BBB, CO washes, EVOO etc my hair hated at shorter lengths, but this has just changed they now love them, especially the BBB my hair has hardly shed since using this and my hair is also growing.

A few other things which have also helped being monistat (daktarin in my case) and burdock root rinses. I get double the growth and thickness using these. Are these an option for you maybe?

Other than that and you have more than proved yourself to be patient, is to get your hair up and really concentrate on ignoring it. I don't think you should go for layers as you I think you would regret it but a temp colour something funky and fun will help lift your spirits.

I hate to see you so down and do totally understand your frustrations, maybe too you need to change your routine, maybe your hair has out grew the old one? maybe trying CWC with diluted shampoo or going natural with soapnuts maybe helpful?

I know my hair totally transformed once I founf the routine that worked better for my growing length! Good luck honey x

[spidermom]

A lot of natural red haired people have pink skin, why is it that when it comes to dye/henna it, people avoid it? I have pink skin and think red hair suits me well. I like your hair color as it is though, maybe you could try some rollers and wear it down like that more often. You could have some fun with make up too, since isn't something permanent. Maybe try on some new dresses!

Henna tends to be orange-red, which really doesn't look that nice with pink. Of course it's a matter of opinion. One person's ewwwwwww! is another person's ahhhhhhhhh!

by the way, Katze, although I've been participating in this discussion all day, I want you to know that personally I see nothing wrong with your hair. It looks silky and delicate to me, not stringy and thin and whatever else it was you were saying about it. It's just that I've seen enough of these threads from you to feel that maybe your hair is never going to live up to your ideals, and that's why I think you might want to consider a change in style. Maybe long with thick ends IS too much to ask for your particular hair type at this time. In the future, when you're finished with pregnancy and raising small children - who knows? I never thought I'd get around to growing my hair long when I was your age, and along the way I've had many complaints about it (like how bushy it looks sometimes), but I've finally settled into pretty consistent satisfaction. Maybe you can look forward to that also.

[Lianna]

Henna tends to be orange-red, which really doesn't look that nice with pink. Of course it's a matter of opinion. One person's ewwwwwww! is another person's ahhhhhhhhh!

It's fine if someone doesn't think it looks nice together, but since it's naturally occurring (same with golden blonde), I don't think people should say "it doesn't go together, or it's a no-no" and such. Amy Adams is an example of this, and I think she looks nice.

[jojo]

Henna tends to be orange-red, which really doesn't look that nice with pink. Of course it's a matter of opinion. One person's ewwwwwww! is another person's ahhhhhhhhh!

by the way, Katze, although I've been participating in this discussion all day, I want you to know that personally I see nothing wrong with your hair. It looks silky and delicate to me, not stringy and thin and whatever else it was you were saying about it. It's just that I've seen enough of these threads from you to feel that maybe your hair is never going to live up to your ideals, and that's why I think you might want to consider a change in style. Maybe long with thick ends IS too much to ask for your particular hair type at this time. In the future, when you're finished with pregnancy and raising small children - who knows? I never thought I'd get around to growing my hair long when I was your age, and along the way I've had many complaints about it (like how bushy it looks sometimes), but I've finally settled into pretty consistent satisfaction. Maybe you can look forward to that also.
I totally agree with this, we are own worst critics at times and to me your hair yes is fine and thin but is also silky. Look around the forum there are so many lovely fine long hairs. Maybe you are wishing for something which just doesnt fit in with your hair type but that doesnt mean you hair cannot be beautiful; it is if only you could see that. My hair is delicate too and at times i could happily shave the whole lot of! but I try and look at the positives. As spidermom says it took her many years to decide to grow, me too and my hair is far from perfect, my siggi photos take many shoots to get the perfect photo!
Keep your diet healthy and get on with your life and forget about your hair for the time being. You will reach your goal, its just some people can get there easier than others, bit like the tortoise and the hare!

[julliams]

OK, I can totally sympathise with you. I don't have a toddler anymore (mine are 12 and 9 now) but I don't seem to have lost any of that baby fat that I put on with my last one. Well, that's not true - I DO keep losing it but then my bad habits creep back in and I gain it back all over again. I've been doing that for YEARS.

I am going to suspect that you are possibly feeling this way because of a number of factors and I'm going to bet that it's not really ALL about your hair.

Is this your first baby? It always feels like it's never going to change when it's your first. By the time you've had the second you realise that they aren't going to need you to wipe their bottoms forever and that they will eventually be able to get their own breakfast.

Whilst it sounds like you are craving a radical change, I would suggest taking it slow. Take a look at your diet and find one thing that NEEDS to change. Mine is that I need to drink water (I never do). It might be too many sugars in you tea/coffee, or too many snacks after dinner, or that you need to take your vitamins every day. Whatever it is, find one thing that needs to change and make that change.

Once you have that under control, you can venture further and start making other small but significant changes. It sounds like you are doing a good amount of exercise - that is awesome. Did you know that losing weight is about 70% what you eat and only about 30% the exercise you do? It's all about the eating - really. I know this for a fact. I can exercise all I want, but if I don't eat well, I stay the same or gain. It really is that simple.

Try and give you hair a rest for a while. It sounds like you have been babying it, which is great, but I'm going to tell you that benign neglect does wonders.

It sounds like you only have a few kg to shift (my problem too) and once you lose the first 3 - 5 you are going to feel SO much better. If you are eating healthier, your hair is going to reflect this.

Imagine yourself as being totally sexy - is it an image of only good looking hair? I'm going to guess that it has more to do with attitude. It's a feeling that comes from the inside and shines through. You will feel it again. So far it's all been about your wonderful baby and that's beautiful. It's time for you to start paying some attention to yourself as well and valuing that sexy girl that is still there (ask your husband - I bet he still thinks you are!!)

Keep your hair as it is (I think it looks great in your avatar BTW) and let it grow - it will do that on it's own. Best of luck - wish me luck too because I've just talked myself into doing the same - lol.

[Mesmerise]

OK, I can totally sympathise with you. I don't have a toddler anymore (mine are 12 and 9 now) but I don't seem to have lost any of that baby fat that I put on with my last one. Well, that's not true - I DO keep losing it but then my bad habits creep back in and I gain it back all over again. I've been doing that for YEARS.

I am going to suspect that you are possibly feeling this way because of a number of factors and I'm going to bet that it's not really ALL about your hair.

Once you have that under control, you can venture further and start making other small but significant changes. It sounds like you are doing a good amount of exercise - that is awesome. Did you know that losing weight is about 70% what you eat and only about 30% the exercise you do? It's all about the eating - really. I know this for a fact. I can exercise all I want, but if I don't eat well, I stay the same or gain. It really is that simple.

Try and give you hair a rest for a while. It sounds like you have been babying it, which is great, but I'm going to tell you that benign neglect does wonders.



I agree with all of this!! I won't quote the lot but yeah, I'm the same. I also agree with the exercise vs diet... most weight loss comes from diet unless you are doing a LOT of exercise, we're talking literally HOURS a day (but it sounds as if you already do a reasonable amount Katze, so I doubt that's the problem). I have never lost weight doing exercise alone, even when I was spending 90 minutes in the gym each day, I HAVE to watch what I eat in order to lose weight!

I also agree with the benign neglect... sometimes just "forgetting" our hair is the best thing. I admit that since I found LHC it's been harder for me to do that because I spend so much time here and my mind is therefore always on "HAIR"! However patience, and regular trimming, works wonders in the long term.

[spidermom]

I have never lost weight doing exercise alone, even when I was spending 90 minutes in the gym each day, I HAVE to watch what I eat in order to lose weight!

Thanks for the reminder; the same is true for me. In fact, 90 minutes of vigorous exercise per day stimulates my appetite.

[bella77]

oh yes, I know all about the toddler blues. I would say, put it up, and get outside with that baby! Forget about your hair for a few weeks. Keep it up all the time you can. Skip washes, use leave ins, learn a new braid, learn a new bun. Get a new hair toy. Try cassia! I am becoming the spokeswoman for this stuff! Get a trim, change the shape of your hemline. It seems that BSL and waist is a really slow stage to get through, but you'll get there. And yes, your hair stays in when you are pregnant, therefore you have better hair! It does not go through the fall out phase, but behold after baby is born, it all falls out, which I am sure you found out! embrace your natural hair and it's beauty!

[spidermom]

It's fine if someone doesn't think it looks nice together, but since it's naturally occurring (same with golden blonde), I don't think people should say "it doesn't go together, or it's a no-no" and such. Amy Adams is an example of this, and I think she looks nice.

I don't know about that. Even when somebody says something with authority, like "it doesn't go together," I always take it for opinion. People have a right to state their opinion when a topic is thrown out there for discussion, don't you think?

[Firefox7275]

A lot of natural red haired people have pink skin, why is it that when it comes to dye/henna it, people avoid it? I have pink skin and think red hair suits me well. I like your hair color as it is though, maybe you could try some rollers and wear it down like that more often. You could have some fun with make up too, since isn't something permanent. Maybe try on some new dresses!


It's fine if someone doesn't think it looks nice together, but since it's naturally occurring (same with golden blonde), I don't think people should say "it doesn't go together, or it's a no-no" and such. Amy Adams is an example of this, and I think she looks nice.

I have green eyes, freckles and my father had a ginger beard in his youth. Years ago I dyed my hair auburn and was shocked at how awful it looked, I looked slightly jaundiced! :p I kept going redder until I got my current burgundy, which I adore and suits my skin tone. TBH it does limit me clothes-wise as I don't like to wear pink, red or brown anymore. I dyed blonde prior to the red and didn't find that limiting at all. :shrug: I admire the stunning glossy marmalade shades I see on LHC, but would not encourage someone else to henna or box red unless they wanted to.

[ericthegreat]

Katze: It seems you have a general depression thing going on. Not a diagnosis, just an observation. The tone of your post was defeated, your life sounds down in the dumps and very few things will make you happy, let alone hair. However, that being said, let me tell you...

I am right there, too.

I could have written your post to some extent.
First: BSL is one of those lengths you feel stuck at forever because the next visible goal seems to be waist, which is an iffy place anyway because it can change depending on your posture.

I don't know your hair history, but remember that once hair has grown out of the scalp, there is very little you can do to improve it (I know you know this). If it was damaged in quality from a poor diet, hormones, stress, etc, all you can do is help it to be the best it can be until it can be grown out and cut. That is what everyone on the "growing out dye" thread is patiently trying to do.

Second: This too shall pass. I know it seems like it never will, or that it will take too long so it may as well be permanent, but it will pass, and it will take your help to pass. It sounds like you are already trying to help your hair. Maybe it is time for a new look. Just be careful of doing anything permanent or semi-permanent (like a cut) while in a state of "despair" or even just the blahs. And I am referring to life in general here, not just hair.

My acne is worse than ever. My diet choices have totally regressed after over a year of being very good about it. I find myself eating carbs and processed sugars and this leads to a crazy cycle because your/my body craves them like caffeine once we start. My appetite has been insatiable and I eat when I am not hungry. Why? Because I am trying to satisfy something, only it is not hunger.

My acne was so bad last week I did not even try to cover it up. I feel like I look awful. The persistent winter weather here is not helping. I have to force myself through routines, especially my hair stuff because I am OVER IT. I have been through some major events in the past 2 years and while I handled them with seeming grace (and they were not all bad events, just major), I totally melted down a couple months ago. Stress over time, especially when there is no relief from it, does a lot of physical things to us.

I have posted several places on LHC that I have been seriously considering cutting all my hair off. And when I say ALL, I mean pixie. Only my husband doesn't want me to cut above shoulder. To me that means I may as well keep it long. Why? I am not sure if I am really that unhappy with my hair or if it is one of those "take control" things because my life seems unliveable right now. Everything is too hard. I have had way more than my share of "bad luck" and I am tired of trying so hard at everything.

You may not be where I am emotionally, but sometimes we can just reach a place where we are tired of everything and tired of trying.

I would suggest, for awhile, some benign neglect. Maybe even a break from LHC where it is too tempting to hair-compare. I did this last year. I took at least a month hiatus and just "forgot" about my hair. If you don't think that is for you, then why not try something temporary? There are deposit-only temporary hair dyes. Not sure what is available where you are, but I know here at Sally's you can get all sorts of temp dyes. Maybe even go so far as some subtle layers. I know you said your hair is thin but sometimes layers can give it body and make it appear fuller. Also, maybe some benign neglect in life. Lower your standards for awhile, allow yourself to "chill" even if that means that toilet is not as clean as you like or everyone has to cook their own dinner for a week. Even a week of this can really help. Get a full body massage.

I cut an inch off my hair instead of chopping it all off. It probably did not change much overall but it put me back in control for awhile. At least I wasn't doing NOTHING. I knew I would be impressed with how much it helps my velcroe ends even tho I really need to take off another 3". I still can if I want, but an inch at a time maybe. I have had too many haircut regrets not to take it slow. And the pixie I want? Probably will never happen.

Another thing, I would suggest a detox diet for a week or two. I am about to do one myself since I have "let myself go" this past couple months. Detox diets are temporary, so the commitment is easier and the detoxing always helps my energy, gets my cravings back under control and makes me generally feel better. I always doubt it, every single time, but I am always glad I do it after. I have a simple one I use if you want to PM me.

It always amazes me that how we feel about our hair can so greatly impact our moods. And this is before LHC or I even started growing my hair. We all have good hair days, bad hair days, and why is it that a good hair day gives us confidence? It is JUST hair yet somehow it sets our moods. Strange.

WaitingsoLong has given the best advice I've seen here. I too will in fact will take her words for comfort whenever I'm feeling down myself.

I agree, it certainly looks like you are generally unhappy and overwhelmed with everything in your life lately. Whenever we feel our lives are out of our control, it always seems like we will suddenly attack our physical appearance the most, and obsess over the smallest imperfection on our face or any extra pounds we may have gained. Us being LHCers, of course our hair will also be among those physical things we attack, because it is right there in our face everyday and its one of the few things we can actually change drastically, so that gives us back that feeling of control that we are desperately trying to get.

I've taken a look over your latest pics in your album, and IMO your hair looks quite healthy. The ends are well trimmed, so again I think its more likely the case that you feel your hair looks terrible because inside right now you are not feeling too good about yourself. I agree with all the other posters here, you need to stop being so hard on yourself. :flower: No matter how hard things may be now, we do have the power to overcome them and even come out happier if we dedicate ourselves on focusing on the positives. And perhaps, this is the time for your to de-stress. Maybe you can take a small vacation with your husband to a nice resort. Or schedule a nice relaxing massage at a spa. Or you and your husband can eat out at a nice restaurant.

I wish you well and hope you will get better adjusted at time goes one. :grouphug:

[MsBubbles]

Hey again Katze, sorry if this is another completely useless reply, but I wanted to throw this video link in (for a messy updo with a really pretty hair toy). I like how the messy bun contrasts with the sharp pins. Maybe something like this might be enough to help you through the doldrums...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdgveASKhWY&feature=player_embedded

[Mesmerise]

I have green eyes, freckles and my father had a ginger beard in his youth. Years ago I dyed my hair auburn and was shocked at how awful it looked, I looked slightly jaundiced! :p I kept going redder until I got my current burgundy, which I adore and suits my skin tone. TBH it does limit me clothes-wise as I don't like to wear pink, red or brown anymore. I dyed blonde prior to the red and didn't find that limiting at all. :shrug: I admire the stunning glossy marmalade shades I see on LHC, but would not encourage someone else to henna or box red unless they wanted to.

I love all shades of red on me, but I actually prefer the brighter orange red, although one would think it shouldn't work as well with me lol... as I can go kinda pinkish easily!! I don't limit my clothing options at all with red hair... I just don't. I'll wear pink, red, any colour really!! People say it clashes, but I just don't see it (not cause I'm colour blind...just because I think hair colour and clothes colour are different things... I mean, I wouldn't wear a red T shirt with a pink skirt or something).

For me, red has been my favourite colour to dye my hair to, although I've also been blonde and black! I liked blonde cause I think it's pretty, but it was ultimately too damaging, as my hair is quite resistant to bleach... I liked black but found it too resistant to change (the box dye I used was super good and didn't fade AT ALL, but they don't make it anymore). I ended up cutting my hair really short to get rid of the black ultimately, and was too scared to do it again as I don't wanna have to cut off my hair or strip the colour!

Anyway, after years of being (mostly) red, I went the henna route. I was always annoyed that the great red I got from colouring my hair with box dye faded quite quickly, and the henna doesn't seem to fade as fast (but I still see some fading...meh). I think I'm happy enough to remain a redhead until I decide to go grey, and then I'll probably chop it all off so I don't have regrowth for years!

But yeah, I think it's fine to give an opinion on colours, but it's up to the individual to decide if it works for them. If someone says red doesn't work on them, I won't disagree! Just cause I love it, doesn't mean everyone will.

[spidermom]

Oh very cool; love the pins in that one Ms Bubbles.

[MsBubbles]

They are beautiful pins! And I forgot to mention they look light enough to be functional in fine, lightweight hair.

[Katze]

One thing that can give your hair a lot of body is to put hair into a top of head ponytail overnight (don't cinch the hair-tie too tight) and roll the ends on some curlers (I use the sponge type). I know it's not a terribly attractive night-time look, so do it just before lights out.

Swimming isn't among the best calorie burners, and neither is bicycling, so if you'd like to be leaner, it would be good to expand your exercise routine into new directions.

My hair in that pic is styled through damp bunning. That is mostly the only way I dry it nowadays.

Swimming is really great for me and seems worth the hassle with hair etc. I do walk a lot (we are a pedestrian and bike friendly region here, one of the reasons I moved here) but need to add jogging into the mix.

It's not about burning calories for me but about about aerobic and flexibility and posture. That said, I have a lot of muscle and would like to tone up and tighten what I do have - weight training maybe.


How's the baby sleeping? I'll usually get really, really down about everything after a prolonged period of interrupted sleep.


She slept one night all the way through this week. DH said we should see it 'as a gift and not something to be hoped for.' She wakes up once a night every night otherwise. Prolonged - yeah, like two years straight!


How about a style somewhere between APL & BSL, where your hair is deliberately styled (i.e. cut) into a tapering shape?

I know how you feel about not being able to get a thick hemline at long lengths. It is dejecting, especially after years of patience and nurturing. But maybe you can go with what your hair does best, instead. I will see if I can find a link. I think it'd look awesome with your natural color but also stunning with one or two very faint highlights thrown in.



I think this is the shag people are referring to. I had it when it was 'in', when I lived in New York in 2004. There is a pic in my album. It did look good, but I was also blonde at the time!

And sooo many women my age have this hairdo. I am scared it will further age me.


Hold on to the fact that you say this is the best your hair has ever been. That means improvement. That you're unhappy with it means you probably have unreasonable expectations. To be a mother, one cannot assume having time to make sure hair looks perfect down, that takes time. I would focus on the health of the hair, oiling, bunning, braiding. With some bun curls, your hair will surely seem more full. I am on the NW routine. It gives you time to S&D and detangle and style rather than spending all the time washing and drying. Just a thought. Some new hair toys or head scarves could help. Wispy hair is kind of in right now anyway, try to embrace it. Learn to accept that there's nothing wrong with your hair. Sometimes we need to step away from the mirror.

Those ARE bun curls. :(

I have been doing everything I can - CO when I can, endless leave-ins (oil is too hard to figure out and leaves me with greasy hair), braiding on 'dirty' days - the only way I can keep braids in is to SLATHER my hair with gel and conditioner and use a million bobby pins.

Because I swim I do have to CWC, and have been doing SMTs as the first 'C', but I do not always have time for those.

The pic I posted was the day after SMT and swim, so my hair at its very best.


Henna tends to be orange-red, which really doesn't look that nice with pink. Of course it's a matter of opinion. One person's ewwwwwww! is another person's ahhhhhhhhh!

by the way, Katze, although I've been participating in this discussion all day, I want you to know that personally I see nothing wrong with your hair. It looks silky and delicate to me, not stringy and thin and whatever else it was you were saying about it. It's just that I've seen enough of these threads from you to feel that maybe your hair is never going to live up to your ideals, and that's why I think you might want to consider a change in style. Maybe long with thick ends IS too much to ask for your particular hair type at this time. In the future, when you're finished with pregnancy and raising small children - who knows? I never thought I'd get around to growing my hair long when I was your age, and along the way I've had many complaints about it (like how bushy it looks sometimes), but I've finally settled into pretty consistent satisfaction. Maybe you can look forward to that also.

Yes, I think it is like body image. I will never be thin with a flat stomach (not even as a bike racer was I thin!) and, similarly, my hair will never be thick on the ends.

But I honestly think that long hair with seethrough length 'looks' damaged to most people. I compare that to the one mom I know with hair my length bleached pale yellow, and despair - how is it that SHE can bleach every two weeks (I asked) and have hair that looks thick on the ends, even at BSL? Even the stylist I go to comments on the excellent condition of my hair, but it does not LOOK like it is in good shape. And I have been struggling with this ever since joining LHC, it's true.


I DO keep losing it but then my bad habits creep back in and I gain it back all over again. I've been doing that for YEARS.

it's all about the eating - really. I know this for a fact. I can exercise all I want, but if I don't eat well, I stay the same or gain. It really is that simple.

It sounds like you only have a few kg to shift (my problem too) and once you lose the first 3 - 5 you are going to feel SO much better. If you are eating healthier, your hair is going to reflect this.


Thanks.

The thing I really need to do is stick 100% to 'No S Diet,' plus bike to work, plus swim, then add some other kind of sport.

Last Spring I was severely depressed (burnout from work, largely) and decided to be VERY strict with diet and exercise. I felt better, slept better, had more energy etc. And felt sexy. A STUDENT even hit on me!

The eating thing for me means NO snacks, no sweets, ever. That went out the window when I was in the USA (better food there!) and my daughter just turned 2, so we 'had to' eat cake, my period was really rough so I 'needed' chocolate...lots and lots of excuses for laziness. Stress makes it harder to be 'hard' on myself too.


I have never lost weight doing exercise alone, even when I was spending 90 minutes in the gym each day, I HAVE to watch what I eat in order to lose weight!

I also agree with the benign neglect... sometimes just "forgetting" our hair is the best thing. I admit that since I found LHC it's been harder for me to do that because I spend so much time here and my mind is therefore always on "HAIR"! However patience, and regular trimming, works wonders in the long term.

I have been 'forgetting' my hair for the past 1.5 years. I guess I can SEE that the new growth is getting longer, so I am getting impatient again. I WANT to see some PAYOFF, you know?!?

You are right about weight loss and exercise. However, if I exercise a lot, I can pretty much eat like I want (I am not an overeater or anything, just an occasional indulger). Part of it is getting more veggies into our diet (DH is a meat and potatoes kind of guy, but he actually ate a SALAD for dinner on Monday, cause I made it tasty).

It just seems like it's not fair and it will never change. Other people can eat what they want, excercise much less than me, and are thin. Or they bleach, straighten, wear their hair down and it looks gorgeous.

I wish I could use henna, but I really think it would be horrendous (the one time I tried it, I looked like a pumpkin, but that was on bleached hair).

Maybe a haircut, I dunno. If I cut it short I am afraid of looking like all the other 'older' women who are trying to look youthful. And a bun DOES look better on me with my big round head than a pixie or bob would, that's for sure.

Thanks for listening to me rant - again- about my ongoing dissatisfaction with the unfair deal I've got on hair genes...

Gonna post some other pics so you all can perhaps help advise on what to do...

[Katze]

Hey again Katze, sorry if this is another completely useless reply, but I wanted to throw this video link in (for a messy updo with a really pretty hair toy). I like how the messy bun contrasts with the sharp pins. Maybe something like this might be enough to help you through the doldrums...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdgveASKhWY&feature=player_embedded

This is how I do a French twist. I wonder if it is called a 'banana bun' in France. :D

Those pins don't hold my hair unfortunately - threw all mine in the trash in a fit of pique. But I can make this (sort of) work with a Ficcare.

[*daisy*chain*]

Those ARE bun curls. :(

I have been doing everything I can - CO when I can, endless leave-ins (oil is too hard to figure out and leaves me with greasy hair), braiding on 'dirty' days - the only way I can keep braids in is to SLATHER my hair with gel and conditioner and use a million bobby pins.

Because I swim I do have to CWC, and have been doing SMTs as the first 'C', but I do not always have time for those.

The pic I posted was the day after SMT and swim, so my hair at its very best.

I am not able to see pictures, so please don't take my ideas as a commentary on your hair.

[DTsgirl]

If you want to amplify the shine, or slightly alter the color, could you do a demi permanent dye the same shade as your hair, but with a slightly warmer a cooler tone, whicever you like best. Then, you get the fun of messing with your hair, a new color with no commitment, and since it fades pretty quickly, you won't have a root line.