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View Full Version : Feeling down about my decisions



telegraph64
April 16th, 2011, 06:48 AM
I had long blonde hair at one point, very light, and it was so beautiful, I felt like an angel in that hair. Not so long ago (years) I decided to dye it dark with a henndigo and loved it at first, for the first two or so years, and only did it once every several months, and now I just feel so much less beautiful, and vibrant.
Black hair is never something I have ever wanted or will want and I am glad I did not do that, but this brown is so sad, I miss being the blonde angel I once was. I really need some words of encouragement from anyone with a solid mind, I felt so much more young and lovely with platinum hair.
I want to be the blonde lady again but I can't right now... and a lot of my hair is very silver now, as it grows out, and is difficult to dye with herbs.
I know it is very very permanent to dye hair with henna and indigo however I did not expect to feel so much less lady like. Please help me everyone !! I am typing this message through tears. :(:(

ladyfey
April 16th, 2011, 07:03 AM
My hair is darker than yours it sounds like. I am a strawberry blonde. I dyed my hair a more coppery, dark red. Which I loved, still love the color, but it wasn't me and after a few years I dyed it as close to my natural as possible grew the natural out and am so much happier and back to "me."
When I used color stripper to get the red out as my first step, I said "well there I am!" when I saw my lighter hair. So I feel for you, my solution was one that took time but was totally worth it!

MonaLisa
April 16th, 2011, 07:15 AM
Think about what you like about dark hair instead :) There must be something. And it's weird you suddenly stopped liking it. Maybe it's just a bad/moody day! Everybody changes...with time, it's not a bad thing! Cheer up! :) I have a feeling your hair is very beautiful! Post a pic maybe?

veronicaleah
April 16th, 2011, 07:45 AM
I definitely understand how you feel. I have naturally dark dishwater blonde hair, which I have highlighted blonde for years. A couple years ago I decided to go a deep chocolate brown. I was tired of the blonde upkeep and ready for a big change.

I really liked it for a while, every time I looked in the mirror I saw this sophistocated brunette. It's amazing how changing your hair can change how you feel about yourself.

But one day I looked in the mirror and just despised the brown. I felt a serious longing for my good old golden blonde locks. I gradually added highlights to the brown and now I'm back to where I was before the brunette. (Incidently I'm planning to get less highlights each time and let more of my natural dark blonde come out to play, but still stay in the blonde family).

Saying all of that... for whatever reason it is very difficult for someone that has been blonde in the past to be happy with darker hair. It happens, but at some point or another a lot of us miss our blonde... It may take some time but I think you will definitely be happier growing out the hendigoed hair... But in the meantime, as a previous poster said, try to remind yourself of why you look beautiful with dark hair.

Firefox7275
April 16th, 2011, 07:51 AM
You can have your blonde hair back, it will just take time to grow out the henna-indigo. :grouphug: In the mean time read on LHC about how to make your new growth strong enough that bleach won't damage it and how the Renegrays value their silvery sparkles! Try to remember how much you enjoyed your red even tho it's now time to move on, and be sure in your own mind that you are not using your hair as a scapegoat. Trust me depression has a very seductive negative thought pattern. :(

TiaKitty
April 16th, 2011, 08:44 AM
I'm sorry you're down about this. If I were you, I'd consider quitting the indigo, just henna for a while, then even stopping that so that I had a cool graduation in color, and then just grow.

Do you usually put it up/back? Just wear it put away is usually what I do when I'm pissed at my hair. Like now. I had a major stress shed. A serious one. My hemline is diminished seriously. Then, it started to grow back. Now I have this head of hair that is about 4 to 6 inches long, sticks out everywhere, intermingled with these long stringy pieces. It looks like crap. My solution, put it back. Get it out of my face. I don't want to cut it, because I was going for terminal, just for kicks, and the longies help me to be able to make a braid and then secure it up and around my head. So, for now they stay, and I'll just deal with looking crazed when my hair is down and somewhat less crazed when my hair is up.

I tried to look at a photie of your hair, but I've noticed you have no album. I'd be willing to bet that this is one of those instances where you think you look bad, but the rest of us would disagree.

You're new around here, but I have to say, I look forward to seeing your posts. They are always grounded, insightful, and level-headed. I was surprised to see your emotionality coming through! I hope it passes soon and you're back to feeling self-secure soon.

:grouphug: :chocolate: :blossom:

veronicaleah
April 16th, 2011, 09:02 AM
I'd be willing to bet that this is one of those instances where you think you look bad, but the rest of us would disagree.


:grouphug: :chocolate: :blossom:

I agree with this! We ALL have these instances and this forum is full of wonderful people with beautiful hair... sometimes we just need encouragement!

telegraph64
April 16th, 2011, 09:24 AM
:grouphug: Thank you so much everyone, my computer isn't letting me upload pictures and I don't know why (I am not very good with computers :o). I'm still trying, though !!

You're all so right, what I like about my dark hair is how much more, as veronicaleah described, "sophisticated" my dark hair looks, on me. The blonde is very light and friendly, therefor my personality seems to be brought out more, when my hair is lighter.

TiaKitty, what a sweet compliment, thank you very much. I've never felt so welcomed on an internet forum before, this is such a comfortable and easy going place for me to be and learn. :flower:

I usually do have my locks secured in a very polished braid, with about two teaspoons of castor oil and or coconut oil, and I did start the "hair up for a month" challenge but couldn't follow through because the buns and fancy hair styles kept getting in the way, no matter where on my head I put them. :( A braid will do, for now, I suppose.

Hugs to all and thank you thank you thank you !!

MsBubbles
April 16th, 2011, 09:59 AM
I really need some words of encouragement from anyone with a solid mind,(

Well I dunno if I really qualify in that case...:p but if you want to grow out your dark color to eventually start over and achieve the 'long blonde' again, feel free to join a bunch of us over on the growing out dye/bleach thread (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=51155). We're gonna be there for years. We support each other at times when we seriously doubt that growing out our dye/bleach is such a great idea.

It is hard to go from bright and breezy blonde to anything darker. I agree.

Debra83
April 16th, 2011, 10:06 AM
I dyed my hair plat blonde for a couple of years....I LOVED it! A few other people LOVED it (I work in a bank, and customers are not shy telling you. Other people prefer me darker...and I've been doing darker since 2008 when I joined here. I'm still getting people volunteering that they like this colour and that it suits me. Part of me still wants to be blonde, but I feel my hair is much healthier this way....and I want length more than blonde...so I'm willing to keep it. I just make sure I do makeup and clothes that compliment my hair. I can get a real "exotic" look going on that I'm trying to embrace and work with. PLUS, I've had way more guys ask me out as a brunettish type, than when I felt "sexier" as a blonde. Strange, eh?

racrane
April 16th, 2011, 11:43 AM
I understand how you feel. I like lists (they always make me feel better strangely). Make a timeline and "goals" of how to get back to your natural hair color and you'll feel better looking at it knowing you're on your way back. That's what I do in similar situations anyway. I'm such a "to-do list kinda girl".

telegraph64
April 16th, 2011, 12:10 PM
racrane, I am too. :) I absolutely thrive on lists, I can be quite the type A at times. Hehe.

My husband does not prefer either hair color on me, he thinks I look just fine either way, but I'm very self conscious about it. I suppose a better wording for my opinion on my hair, would be that I feel less "lively". I take a very long time to make decisions on whether or not I want or like something, and am not the kind of person who likes to experiment, either. I originally went dark in search for elegance and hair health, and not for any sort of "gee whiz" factor.

jojo
April 16th, 2011, 12:12 PM
Unfortunately Indigo is one colour you cannot put bleach on as it will turn it green and has every possibility of just snapping off if you tried. The only advice I can offer is to try some honey treatments to try and lighten it. The only option I am afraid is either grow or cut out.

I am sure your hair looks nicer than you think, its just a case of making the best of what you have. The good news is indigo does fade a little over time but will not go altogether.

I too have indigo and am a natural dark blond, I love my colour but due to greys coming through I am growing it out. My roots are barely noticeable unless you look close.

Maybe experiment with different make up and clothes colours which will make you feel better.

telegraph64
April 16th, 2011, 04:08 PM
Jojo, your signature picture is very close to my hair color, although mine has a very slight amount less red. :)
This is the only time I have gone so far from my "home color" which is yet another reason why it is so much harder to accept it, now that it's newness has worn off. It will grow over time and I have that time. I will have my old hair back, and I will go home. ;)

ladylovecraft
April 16th, 2011, 04:24 PM
I think dark hair looks gorgeous! Hence why all of my boyfriends have had long, dark hair. I recently gave up blonde, too, in favor of a bright red and there are definitely moments I long for the platinum-white glow to be back... particularly when lurking girls who have such hair.

Buy a wig! That way you don't have to commit to the damage of bleach yet you can still have those days where you have blonde hair :)

boudica
April 16th, 2011, 04:57 PM
You can have your hair back. Once you've decided how you're going to grow it out, you can use cassia on it to cover grays. I was investigating cassia and saw some lovely pics of people covering their grays with it. I wish I were blonde so this would be an option for me. Alas. . .

Crysania
April 16th, 2011, 05:02 PM
I am in the same boat as you. Im naturally dark blonde and i miss it, but i dyed my hair with henna and indigo MANY times its black, so i cant go back ...
i liked it for about a year, then let my natural hair grow again a few months but my new bf disliked the two colours very much he said it looks like i have white hair growing out against the black.
my blonde is not that pale, but against the black he said it looked white from far way
it doesnt bother me as much as him but i dyed it black again bc i didnt want him to dislike my hair but now i feel really stuck. I want to let it grow natural but at the same time i dont want my bf to dislike my hair ...

I have to let it grow once and for all, and stop dyeing my hair

lets grow together! lol :P

growingpains
April 16th, 2011, 05:18 PM
I was once in your shoes, though perhaps not as drastically. I have medium brown hair with light blonde natural highlights that show at the front and in the sun. While me hairs is brown, in the sun it is almost translucent brown. I dyed it blue black with chemicals for years and got soo sick of it eventually.

I ended up getting it stripped out of my hair by a stylist. It cost ALOT of money and took about four hours. My then BSL+ black hair became a broken SL+reddy brown. Within a few months I was able to tone it to a neutral reddy brown, but it was straw for years.

On the bright side, given henna is harder to get out, at least you get to have a lovely texture to your hair rather than watching it fall to pieces!

Also, your color sounds lovely. Growing out IS hard, no doubt, but worth it. Since my black hair dye debacle I on one more recent occasion went dark/red and that time I decided to just grow it out and really preferred it as I was able to keep length and health.

I think at the end of the day, as hard as it is to remember, you need to keep in perspective that it's just hair, and there are MANY other ways you can make yourself feel beautiful. I would say go pamper yourself, do something nice for yourself that makes you feel pretty and sexy and hopefully that will help.

selderon
April 16th, 2011, 05:20 PM
Sweet woman, I am so sorry to see you sad! If it is really important to you to go back to your original color, I want to encourage you that you can do it successfully.

I'm a list maker too. This may be extra geeky, but in your place I would open a spreadsheet and list in one row all the concerns or challenges you face in going back to blonde. In columns below each challenge, I would list possible solutions. I would research, eliminate unacceptable solutions and add new solutions that seem viable. When I felt confident I had solved or could live with all the concerns and challenges, I'd move ahead with my plan. (cue evil cackle) ;)

I've been thinking about henna and contemplating an exit strategy...and simultaneously contemplating becoming a renegray. Yes, I know I can't do both at the same time. One thing I have considered is filling the new growth with temporary color until the henna has grown out far enough to cut off. You could even graduate the temporary color for an ombre effect.

All is not lost. We are with you all the way.

And now...I'm off to bite some chili-infused chocolate.

alipes
April 16th, 2011, 06:10 PM
So much good advice has been offered in this thread (I particularly like Selderon's mention of lists, as I too am a list maker), but just know that you have my support, and I'm sure you will find "yourself" again, in whatever form that takes!

jojo
April 17th, 2011, 08:26 AM
Jojo, your signature picture is very close to my hair color, although mine has a very slight amount less red. :)
This is the only time I have gone so far from my "home color" which is yet another reason why it is so much harder to accept it, now that it's newness has worn off. It will grow over time and I have that time. I will have my old hair back, and I will go home. ;)

I went from highlight to this and it does take time, the sun actually lighted mine a little and its hard because all my clothes where more suited to lighter hair. But look at the positives dark hair shines better and doesnt show damage as much as blonde. Try the honey and let it grow out, seriously it will all turn out ok big ((hugs)))

telegraph64
April 17th, 2011, 11:25 AM
:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
Thank you all.
I know I can do this... and over time, perhaps around classic, my hair will be long enough to simply cut off the dark hair, and go about my merry way to knee length. :) All of your support and advice has been so wonderful thus far and I cannot thank you enough !!